Actions Of Humility

Okay, we are up to the top of page kuf yud ches behinay. We discussed over the last few shiurim, we discussed the mindset of of anav, right? A mindset of not of not um getting caught up in the horrific trap of gaavah. Even though we also discussed bishvili nevra alam, but we recognize that that is not a contradiction to anavah to recognize the unbelievable gifts and responsibility that Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave us. And even to feel a certain joy and and and and even confidence from the confidence that Hakadosh Baruch Hu has in us, that is not a chesaron in gaavah. A chesaron of gaavah would be to consider it to be my middah which makes me better than you. But now that we discussed the mindset of anavah, now we're going to discuss how to act like an anav. Now let's remember, let's remember, very very important, let's remember that that that the Mesillas Yesharim taught us that you cannot act like an anav if you're not an anav. When someone who's not an anav acts like an anav, that's gaavah. Okay? So sometimes you can have someone and you rushed up open the door for them and if they go, "No, no, no, no, no, no, it's okay, it's okay." That could be gaavah. And they'll just walk through the stupid door. Excuse my language. And let's move on. That would be the humblest thing to do. So it's a delicate balance. Okay? You have to be careful about acting like an anav. But he's going to talk about ways of acting like an anav, some of which we can do. Because some of the humble ways of acting are not just humble, but they are normal and healthy and appropriate. So we're going to see maybe we'll point out if there's ever something that we feel like no, this is not the right thing or we're not up to there. But now the Mesillas Yesharim is going to focus on actions of anavah that are not like that guy by the door, but actions in terms of the way we interact with each other, that we interact with each other. There's a healthy humility that we have when we interact with each other. Let's see. The hinei dibarnu ad heinah we spoke until now may anavah samachshavah from the humility of thought. Nedaber atem anavah samaiseh. Now we're going to talk about being anav practically. Vehitaschaleq le arba chalakim with the clarity that the Ramchalo is brings to the table. He says there are four elements of acting appropriately in a humble way. Vehisnayeig atzmo beshiflus to number one is for a person to act within himself with a certain lowness. I didn't say lowliness, but a lowness, meaning humility. Bisvol ha elbonos in the koach that a person can develop to be able to absorb to be able to take insults. A healthy approach is something we're going to have to think about because we're very sensitive. Have a healthy approach to insults. Bisnoy horabonus in rejecting and hating um titles. And uh rabonus it says rabonus. It doesn't just mean rabanim. By the way, it doesn't say bisnoy horabonim. Okay, please love rabanim. Bisnoy horabonus is to hate the rabonus. Even a rav has to hate the rabonus. Okay, I have a mesorah from a very very very chashuva older rav from the who's still alive, but he's from like a previous generation. And he said that bisnoy to our rabbonus means that you absolutely don't need it. No, you absolutely don't need it. And that's that part of it is the like the the the the pomp and circumstance like they say of a role, that's not what you see in the role. And you know, and I know many rabbonim I know the quality show is blessed with rabbonim that all this public stuff and people standing up for them or calling them up to a is like it just gets in the way of their when they sit with the talmud late at night and talk to him about how to have how to be successful in getting engaged. Then they go to sleep and I feel like oh that's why I became a rav to be able to have that that that that to be able to be part of someone's life to be able to give to someone, you know, and that's that's where it comes from. So it's not our rabbonus doesn't mean not to do the job of leadership, it means not to need the job, not to be connected with it. And then finally when I when I covered the meter of running away from honor. You know, sometimes it's appropriate as I we said sometimes the humble thing is just to accept the honor. Can you imagine if um if if like let's say Rabbi Tannenbaum was by a and there were 300 people there and they said with the next Rabbi Ephraim Tannenbaum and Rabbi Tannenbaum got up and said no no no, I don't deserve it. Call someone else. Is that humility or ever? That's guy he would never do that and he would just quickly go up, do his and quickly go down and that's all. Right? That's um that's the that you know, but by not covering there are ways of running away from of trying to make sure that the spotlight doesn't swing to you. And that's that's a mile we'll see. Bro. Oh, I'm sorry. He puts these two together actually. I I counted wrong. This snei haravones u'verach when I cover it actually makes sense. Rejecting the role of ravones and running away from koved, that's one thing. Like avoiding koved and then the fourth thing is b'chalai koved l'koid. What a deep thing. A true anav is not just someone who doesn't demand respect. A true anav is someone who respects. Who respects others, who treats others with respect. Okay? >> Yeah. I Are we Is there like a specific way we're supposed to like give koved so that we don't have to do this dance or is part of it the dance? >> Well, I don't know. We'll have to see what you mean by the dance. But let's keep the question in mind. >> Us giving koved and the rebbe's, you know, dancing around the koved. >> The job of a talmid is to give koved because when he gives koved, he's giving koved to the Torah and koved to Hashem. The possuk says, "Es Hashem Elokecha tira." You should have honor for Hashem. You know, or from Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And Chazal say, "Es l'rabos talmidei chachamim." So, you know, we give koved and how the talmidei chachamim deal with that koved, that's their job. That's their job to figure out. It's fascinating that the I want to define koved for you, okay? I want to define koved. Just saying honor doesn't fully define koved because you can honor anything, okay? The definition of koved is an You're going to love this definition. You ready? Definition of koved is an outward expression of an inner value. That's koved. And our job is to show outward expressions when we have something of inner value. And that's why people that genuinely have that value People that genuinely have that value um covet is attracted they attract covet and their job is so fascinating. Their job is to reject that covet because then they're valuing something external. And that's the opposite of covet because the whole meaning of covet is an internal value. So if you honoring me is the most important thing to me, you're not going to honor me anymore. You know why? Because then I'm going to be a person that needs the external covet. Then I'm no then we're no longer having an outward expression of an inner value. Did I just make sense? Okay? Interesting, right? Okay, let's do a little bit. The first one acting in a humble way. This is this is something that's befitting in different areas of a person's conduct. In the way a person speaks. In the way a person walks. In the way a person sits. And in all of all of the movements of a person. You can tell the movements of a body. Body language is a real thing. Okay? I was at a meeting last night and there was two people there speaking to four of them. And they were going to meet before to plan the meeting and then the two people came in and and the plan was to strongly advise that these two people do not do what they wanted to do. And when the rub there said to the person, I strongly advise you not to do that. I don't know if anyone else in the room realized but I realized that the first thing the person did was this. That's a movement. I feel bad for people listening to the recording. It's not coming with a video but he folded his arms. And when a person does that, they are in a certain sense boosting themselves up and protecting themselves. They're standing strong. I even have a trick that if um because they say that not only is someone who's being defiant, someone who will fold their arms in a certain way, but folding your arms puts a little defiance in you. So, fold your arms. Okay? You hold this for a second. Okay, now I'm going to speak to you. Okay? They say that salesmen keep this in mind. When they go to someone's house to sell something and the person's like, "Not interested." He says, "Ooh, could you just hold this for a second?" They want to get the person to open up to make themselves vulnerable. Amazing, no? Okay? So, it's a very big deal. You can tell people's body I can tell and sheer I can tell moods, interest by body language. I'm sorry, but I can tell. >> Well, >> sometimes that's the case. That's why you have to look at all the things. Like if a guy's like this, it's different than when a guy's like this. You have to know You have to you have to put all the pieces together. And it's something you If you sense it, you can learn over time. There's a difference between how you sit. Eli is sitting, I can just tell you, like someone who's interested in what I'm saying. So, thank you for that. Okay? He's sitting in a way He's sitting up. He's comfortable. So, like he's not feeling stressed. He's not anxious about it. And he's pleasant. And he's not like looking around. His head is not rolling around. He's not on his phone. He's not like shifting. You You know, you ever see a speech that after about 20 minutes you start hearing the chairs? Okay? And when I'm speaking, when I start hearing the chairs, I'm like, "Ooh, boy, better wrap up." Okay? That is amazing. So, you can you can see that, okay? Problem is that when I speak about this, guys have a really hard time cuz they're like, "I don't know what to do with myself now. What do you think What does this mean?" You know, like it's It's okay, you can do it. >> [laughter] >> It makes people uncomfortable, but the truth is that it does say a lot about you in the way that you place your body. >> I I was always taught that the way that you position your body affects how you interact with the world. And that if you are, you know, are slouched during classes, then your body will say, "Okay, we're relaxed. We're not taking anything in." >> Right. That's true. It goes both ways. It goes both ways. If you sit up and look interested, you're more likely to be interested. If you're interested, you'll sit up and look interested. It goes both ways. It's very interesting, right? But it goes both ways. And it's true with a lot of things. Like, sometimes when people are talking about themselves to me, I can tell from their body language if they're being hard on themselves. I once talked to someone who was talking about The minds I'm trying to grow little by little. I'm trying to grow. This This action was not little by little. I'm being gentle with myself. Okay? This was I'm punching myself in the nose, okay? You know? You know, what's even tells it does with people's body language where they're up to. It's very interesting. And humility is something that there are ways that we act that broadcast humility. And again, as much as the Mesillas Yesharim taught us that acting like the famous un'uf might not be such a good idea. But there are subtle acts of humility that are shiyach to us. Like, we'll seek to speak softly and respectfully, you know, not to take up too much space, you know, like to these type of things that are very, very important. Okay, let's stop here for today.