Mikeitz - Developing Character

You're listening to the weekly partial podcast with Ari Goldwag recorded with Hashem's never-ending assistance in Ramat Beit Shemesh, Israel, 5783, 2022. This week's parsha is parshas Mikeitz. The Torah continues with the story of Yosef HaTzaddik and his brothers. How we saw last week that he was sold to Egypt. And in this week's parsha, after being in jail for 12 years, finally Yosef is taken out of the jail and he becomes second in command to Pharaoh because of his amazing interpretation of the dreams of Pharaoh, his prediction that the 7 years of plenty would come, and 7 years of famine would come following that. Indeed, exactly as happened was exactly how he was able to understand the dreams of Pharaoh, incredible siyata d'Shmaya. He had amazing help. And then our parsha describes how the brothers came down to Egypt. They came down because they needed food. And Yosef interacts with them in a very unusual way, which requires an incredible amount of of explanation, of course. And uh he recognizes immediately that he knows who they are, but they do not know who he is. And he sees this as a sign that he is to continue to act as if he doesn't know who they are. And they are not to know who he is until finally at the climax of the story in next week's parsha Yosef reveals himself to his brothers after subjecting them to a very difficult trial and tribulation in which they thought that they were being wrongly accused of the Binyamin had stolen the gavia, that's at the end of our parsha. Binyamin, Benjamin, stole the special cup which Yosef as it were used to predict exactly who they were magically, right? And Yehuda stands up for Binyamin. And in next week's parsha, at the beginning of Vayeigash, he stands up. And he speaks on behalf of Binyamin, Benjamin. And he says, "Please, my my father you kept asking about my father. Well this son and my father, their souls are intertwined. If my if this son doesn't come back my father could pass away." And that's where Yosef finally reveals himself. Now, I uh I'd like to share with you a small thought from our Rosh Yeshiva, from Rabbi Paretz which is contained in this brand new book called Yosef Ve Echav. Joseph and the brothers. Which you can actually get on Amazon. It's in Hebrew. So, you'll need to have some Hebrew reading skills in order to benefit from the book. He has a very broad understanding of the entire story of Yosef. It's definitely definitely worth uh studying. And I have been studying it, baruch Hashem. And uh I'd like to share with you a small thought which is the very beginning of parshas Vayeigash. But really it explains a lot of the things that are going on in our parsha. And if we understand it properly, we can start to understand a very broad picture of the entire story. And we can understand a very powerful lesson for ourselves. So, let's take a look here. In the beginning at the very end of our parsha, at the beginning of next week's parsha, so we have Binyamin being accused as we said of having stolen the the gavia, the special cup and Yehuda standing up for him. Now, my Rosh Yeshiva points out like this, Vayeigash Elav Yehuda, the very beginning of next week's parsha. Milvad tikun chet mechiraz Yosef al yedei mesirus nefesh al avur Binyamin Besides for the fact that through this act, which is what really Yosef wanted to orchestrate why did Yosef go through all of these why did he put them through all of these difficult tribulations and trials? Confusing them. They don't know what's going on. It's a very difficult time for them. They do recognize that something's going on that's connected to having sold Yosef, but they don't really know what's happening. Right? But all of this is to bring them to a point where Yehuda is willing to stand up for Binyamin, for Benjamin. And he's willing to give himself up instead. He's saying, "Take me as a slave instead of Binyamin, instead of Benjamin." By doing this, so they atoned for the sin that they had sold Yosef HaTzaddik. Now, besides for that, which is what Yosef intended Yesh b'kabalas sachar she'Yihuda davar acher. Says my Rosh Yeshiva, says Rabbi Paretz in this accepting of responsibility, Yehuda accomplishes something else. She'al yedei ma'aseh Yehuda through the act of Yehuda, through this act of standing up for his brother Benjamin Leah Imeinu shilma l'Rachel. There was an old score that needed to be settled, so to speak. There was a hakaras hatov that Leah Leah needed to have to Rachel, to Rachel, her sister because Leah and Rachel only Rachel was supposed to marry Yaakov. Only Rachel was supposed to have children from Yaakov. Yosef was it. As the Medrash points out at the beginning of our parsha, beginning of parshas Mikeitz or maybe it was in the previous parsha, I'm sorry, I forget this moment. But as the Medrash points out they all were there because it was at the beginning of Vayeishev. They're all the entire story is for Yosef. The the fact that the brothers existed was because Yaakov wanted to marry Rachel and that's how he ended up marrying Leah as well because of Lavan's remos, because of his trickery. But ultimately why was how was it possible? Why was it possible for Leah to marry Yaakov? It was because Rachel was silent. It was because Rachel gave her the symbols, the signs, the simanim so that she wouldn't be embarrassed. So, it was because of Rachel Imeinu that the brothers existed at all. Right? It's incredible thing. Leah Imeinu shilma l'Rachel al yedei ma'aseh asher asasa Rachel avur. Through Yehuda's courageous act to stand up and protect Benjamin, there was a repayment of sorts for the fact that Leah had been allowed into the home of Yaakov by Rachel. B'hachnasah l'toch beit Yaakov. Letting her into the home of Jacob. Now, what fascinates me about this point is that this is a beautiful point, right? It's a very important point. Yehuda here by standing up for Binyamin, he rectifies something. He rectifies the sin and he also rectifies the we could call it I don't want to say lack of hakaras hatov, but he he stands up and he expresses the hakaras hatov. The recognition of the good that was done for his mother Leah and for himself and for his children, for her children. For all the brothers. But it but it points to a very big problem. Because this is so to speak the end of the story. This is the climax of the story. But if we go back to the previous parshas how could the brothers how could Reuven, Shimon, Levi, Yehuda Yissachar and Zevulun these incredible incredible tzaddikim, how could they go and sell Yosef? How could they even think of killing Yosef? Yosef was the very reason that they were born. Where was their hakaras hatov? Where was their recognition of the good that was done for them? Where was the recognition of the fact that Rachel had allowed their mother Leah in to begin with? How could they have such a brazen lack of hakaras hatov, kfiyas hatov at the beginning of the story? Right? That's that's a very important question that we need to understand. Right? Besides for the pshat of the simple understanding of what they were jealous, they didn't like it that that Yosef was being singled out. They perhaps held that he was a raider. They they held that he was running after them to kill them, etc. because he was speaking negatively about them. However you understand their their their having sold him in the first place, their negative attitude towards him in the first place it still begs the question, where was their hakaras hatov? Where was How could they be such a How could their their very existence was only because of Yosef's mother, because of Rachel. How could they entertain the possibility of destroying and selling and or selling Yosef? Now, that's one point that we need to understand. Another point that we need to understand is very interesting. And I haven't so I haven't really seen this brought down anywhere, but you know the Torah is here for us to darshan. We're permitted to take concepts that we know to be true and to try to apply them to what's going on in these stories in order for us to understand on a deeper level. And we find that Chazal tell us that the middah, as we mentioned before, the middah of Rachel Imeinu. What was her middah? Her middah was shtikah. Her middah was quietness. Right? Rachel was quiet when it came to Leah being given over to Yaakov. She didn't say anything. She didn't say anything. She didn't want to embarrass her sister. An incredibly important middah of shtikah. And our Chazal say, this is Medrashim that Binyamin also had that middah. Benjamin had this middah. He was quiet. Yeshpeh, right? The the stone of Benjamin, of the tribe of Benjamin on the on the breastplate of the Kohen Gadol, of the high priest was Yeshveh which is Yeshpeh. He has a mouth, but he he's quiet. We see that middah by Shaul HaMelech, Shaul. King Saul came from Binyamin, from the tribe of Benjamin. He was also quiet. When he was appointed to the king, he didn't run and tell anybody. He hid. He didn't want to reveal it. It's a tremendous middah, positive middah of shtikah, of quiet. We don't need to brag. We don't need to state our importance and how amazing we are and all the things that we've accomplished is a very powerful spiritual uh Mita attribute of quietude, of quiet. If I accomplish certain things in in, you know, it remains between me and God. Right, that's an important thing. It's an important concept. It's the concept which is related to Rachel, it's related to Benjamin, it's related to Saul. And it's related to Esther and Malkah, right? Esther was commanded by Mordecai, both of whom were from the tribe of Benjamin, from Benjamin. She was commanded to be quiet and not reveal who she was. At a certain point she was to reveal. At the end of the story she does reveal who she is and what what's her nation, because that's how she's able to save her nation, right? But the Mita of Shtikah the Mita of quietude, of of of silence is the Mita that's attributed to to Rachel and to Benjamin and to their offspring. Now, what's interesting is what about Joseph? Right, what about Joseph? Joseph LeChaim this is where we get to the theoretical here. But Joseph should have the Mita of Shtikah as well. He should employ this Mita because that's his special Mita. Right, so you know, when we go through the story we see that he does. We see that this is his Mita, right? When he deals with his brothers, as soon as he recognizes that there's an opportunity here to bring about uh a Tikun, a rectification for this for the sin that they performed. Joseph HaTzadik is quiet. He doesn't reveal who he is, right? There's a quietude. There's a certain Mita that he has. And also perhaps we could say in What is the Mita of Shtikah? It's a it's an inaction. It's it's a it's a an expression or a lack of expression that's used in a positive way. Joseph also uses that when it comes to the wife of Potiphar. She tries to get him to sin with him and he refuses, right? That's inaction. He runs away from her. That's the that's a very powerful form of quiet, so to speak. Right, speaking is interaction. It's me conversing with you, trying to explain ideas. We have a back and forth. That's what speaking is. Quiet is separation, right? So, Joseph has the Mita of Shtikah, but you see, this is what's interesting. Just like we asked about the brothers, how could they if they if they were Judah, right? Judah, his whole essence is Hodah, his whole essence is thanks. Just like Leah I will thank God for the son. Now I will thank God, right? Leah's Mita is is Hodah, is thanks. Judah's Mita is thanks. Not just thanks, but admission. Admission. Quietude is Joseph, quietude is Rachel, and Judah is admission, admitting that he's wrong. When it came to the story of Tamar, Tzadkah he says, Tzadkah Mineni, she's correct, she was right. He he admitted his wrong. David HaMelech also has that Mita, King David, who comes from Judah. Who's the you know, Messiah ben David. Has the Mita of Hodah, of of absolute submission, of absolute contrition. Judah at the end is contrite. He's able to admit his mistake in not standing up for the daughter of the son of Rachel um originally with Joseph, and he does stand up for the son of Rachel in in our story. But he didn't have that Mita at the beginning, right? He was missing that Hodah. When it came to the beginning of the story like we asked. But Joseph also, it's very interesting. Joseph as well, he wasn't quiet at the beginning. He he had these dreams. The dreams said he's going to rule over his brothers. But he wasn't quiet at the time. Because he was busy saying to his brothers, "Ha, listen to this dream. I'm going to I'm That was I was saying, "Listen to this dream." Right? And then they say, "What, you think you're going to be the king over us? I'm a ruler over you." What you think you're in charge? You think you're going to be the king over us? Right, so his lack of quietness, his lack of silence at the beginning of the story is what brought about all of the troubles. Right, if he would have been quiet, if he would have employed the Mita of Shtikah at the beginning of the story, so the whole story wouldn't have happened. We wouldn't have had all these problems. So, it's very interesting that both Judah whose Mita is Hodah, admission contrition but at the beginning of the story he was missing that Mita when he was younger. Joseph also has Mita just like his mother. It's a Mita of Shtikah and that's how he brings about he he's quiet, right? When he makes a mistake, think about it, with with the with the um the the Sar HaMashkim right? He says to him, "Remember me, remember." He talks too much, right? He answered back back there in the jail for 2 more years, right? When he comes out of the jail at the beginning of our Parsha and he says to Pharaoh, Pharaoh says, "I've heard about you that you know how to to interpret dreams." He says, "Biladai, right?" He says, "It's not me." Elohim Yanesh L'Pharaoh, it's up to God to to respond. I I don't have any power on my own. Like that's that's also the Shtikah, the quiet. It's not like, "Hey, look at me, I'm the king, I'm the I'm the master." No, I'm the master of nothing. Everything that I have is only from Hakadosh Baruch Hu, from God. Right, so that's that's the Mita of Joseph, the Shtikah, but you see, at the beginning of the story he didn't have it. And Judah also didn't have this Mita at the beginning. And it was something LeChaim, what we see from here, and this is such an important lesson for each and every one of us, such a a powerful idea is that when we talk about the Mitas, when we talk about the character traits, when we talk about the spiritual uh inheritance that each and every one of us have. When we speak about what is it, who is it who are we at our essence? Who are we? What is What are the spiritual the lofty goals that we strive for? You know, I recently pulled out I've mentioned in this podcast previously, but I recently pulled out a two pages that were sitting on top of the box for my menorah. I have a box and then I use I put in the window, a glass box. So, I have it in my office, right off usually over here behind me and it's put away. Then I have to construct it before Hanukkah. And uh on top of the box there were two pages. And the two pages are a story out of a particular book from the city where my great-grandfather, my my Bubby and Zaidy, my grandfather, my great-grandfather grew up. So, there's a story about my my great-grandfather, Rabbi Joseph Yitzchak Streisand. And the description there is about all of the incredible Mitas that he had, all of his character traits. He was very careful about the Mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim. He would make sure that people in the synagogue, the poor people had a place to go. If you know, when someone would come around collecting, he would make sure that everyone gave Tzedakah, everyone gave charity to the person. When uh you know, a lot of Mitzvahs. He was very involved in the in the Chevra Kadisha, helping with burials. He would wake up in the middle of the night to deal with all kinds of things. He was an incredible human being, an incredible person, a great Tzadik. A very righteous individual. And so I read this I read these stories and I'm like, "Wow, I mean as he was like incredible. He was amazing." Right? But every person can look at those before him and see the Mitas that the that their parents had, their grandparents had. My my grandmother on my mother's side, she was incredibly talented. She would write songs and she would write poems and she would make up melodies and and uh you know, each one of us has a certain inheritance from our parents, from our families that are character traits. But you see, when we're young, and this is really the idea here. When we're young we might be aware of those character traits. We might be aware of the Mitas from before. The Mitas that we have inherited. But it takes time to develop them. Joseph HaTzadik did not become Joseph HaTzadik overnight. It was through the challenges that he experienced. It was through the story of his life that he went through. The Shtikah, the quiet, right? He didn't He didn't He wasn't quiet at the beginning. He didn't He didn't develop yet that Mita of quiet. It was something that takes time to develop. It's not something that you're born with. You're born with that potential, but it's something that takes time to develop. Judah, his whole essence, his name was Judah, which means Hodah, which means thanks, which means admission, which means contrition. But he was young. I'm saying with the the beginning of the story, right? We're we're reading the story and we see this is a story that evolves over 22 years, right? The beginning of the story Joseph is 17 years old and he's busy telling the story of his dreams to his brothers. But he didn't yet acquire the Mita of Shtikah, which was something that he was meant to acquire, which was an inheritance from his mother. His mother was that way. His mother was quiet. His brother was quiet. The the offspring of Rachel would be quiet. But even that idea of the offspring being quiet isn't is a it takes time, right? It takes time. It takes thousands of years even for a Mita to develop and be perfected and to come to the fore and be used in its proper place. And even that Mita requires sometimes the Shtikah is necessary, right? Right, you know, Esther is quiet for the beginning of the time that she's in the palace, but at the at a certain point, as we mentioned it was appropriate to not be quiet. And that's also true for Saul HaMelech. King Saul was quiet when he was anointed to be the king. But he was sometimes quiet in the wrong way, right? When it came to the destruction of Amalek, the people said, "Don't kill Agag. Don't kill the king of the Amaleki people. Don't kill all of the animals." And he was not quiet. I'm sorry, he was quiet there, but in the wrong context. He shouldn't have been quiet there. So, even the middah, every single middah that we have, it takes time to develop and to understand when it should be used. When it's appropriate. When it's not to be used. When is it appropriate to be modah, right? The middah of Yehudah also is is an amazing amazing middah, the the character trait of of admission, but sometimes if if someone is doing something wrong, if someone is is uh you know, let's say causing wants the person to bow down to an idol, right? So, there's no hodah there. There's no bowing there. There's no admission there. Every middah has to be used in its right way. And in its right place and in its right time. And then these a sensitivity which only can be developed through times. This is one of the things that our Yeshiva says in our pirkei avos. You know, the bachrum ask him, I listen every day almost every day to the vad the mussar vad that he gives for Hashem. So, he's a gezunt in he should be healthy and well. You know, the vad in the vad, so he talks about different ideas, mussar ideas, working on character. And the bachrum ask him mussar you know, questions at the end sometimes. And one of the things that he always says is that this is not something that I can just answer with a definitive answer. It's something that you need to develop a chush, develop a sense for. It's something that with time and with experience you get an intuitive understanding of how to work with this middah. When do you use this middah? There are certain middahs that we think are are terrible like the middah of anger, let's say. Right? But there are there is an appropriate place to use the middah of anger. Not going to get into that right now. And I'm saying but the idea is that every single middah has its place. And to the degree that we understand where is the right way to use the middah, where is the right way to use, or when is the right time to use this character trait, that's something that first of all means that we have refined and developed that character. And it's something that means that this we have we have acquired it and it requires an incredible amount of experience. And so, when we read this story of Yosef and his brothers, when we read about Yehudah, and we say, "How come when he How come at the beginning he didn't have didn't have hodah? Where was his Where was his hakaras hatov? Where was his recognition of the good? Where was his recognition that he existed only because of Yosef and Yosef's parent Yosef's mother? What happened at the beginning? The answer is he was young. He had not yet developed. It was through the difficulties that he would indeed develop. Yosef understood that from his own experiences. He understood that. How did he develop this middah of shtikah? Why was he able? It was because he was stuck in that jail for two extra years. That's how he knew when it came to to Paroh Paroh said, "I heard about you." And he says, He's quiet. He's like, "It's not me." When when when it came to the to the Sar Hamashkim and the Sar Haofim, he says to them, "Elohim pitronim sapru li." He says, "It's Hashem who explains the dreams, but tell me." Right? He's he's he speaks about himself toch yedai within a small amount of time, right? But when it comes to Paroh, he's already he's already become you know, he's learned the lessons of life. And Yehudah here has also learned the lessons of life. And so too we, we have middahs. We have character traits. We have talents. We have abilities. And all these things it takes time. It takes time and it takes experience for us to learn what is the right place to use it. What is the appropriate place to use this middah? When am I to use this talent? When am I to use my propensity for quietude? When am I to not use that quietness? When is it inappropriate for me to be quiet? When do I need to speak up? When do I need to be modah? When do I need to admit I'm wrong? And when do I need to stand up and say, "You know what? We got to do what's right." All of these things are something that we develop through our experiences in life, through the challenges that we go through. This I believe is one of the most important perhaps lessons of the story of Yosef and his brothers. I want to bless you, ask you to bless me. Hashem should help us that we indeed should be able to recognize what are the middahs, what are the character traits that we individually have inside of ourselves that we need to develop. Hashem should help us to have the experiences that will help us refine and be able to know exactly when to apply these middahs to ourselves. Thank you so much for listening. Have a wonderful Shabbos. This podcast was made possible through the gracious donations of listeners like you. 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