Bitachon 220 - I Want Hashem in my Life

You're listening to the 220th edition of the podcast and we're studying together the famous I hoped to Hashem. I desired Hashem with the desire of my soul and I hoped to his word. So we quoted the meish. The measure says that when Yakov Au saw in the future, there's going to be offspring. There's going to be a great great great grandchild from the family of Dun and his name will be Shimshon. And I think I mentioned that Shimshon is buried not far from where I live. Pretty close. I went to the spot where he's buried. If you come to Israel, I'll be happy to take you there. So he sees Shimon in the future. He has a vision of this great judge of the Jewish people who's going to stand up for the honor of the Jewish people and he's going to attack and cause great damage to the pleum, the enemies of the Jewish people. But he sees that he's going to fall. He's not going to end up being Messiah. He's not going to end up being the promised redeemer of Ami Israel because whatever reason that's not the topic. But he finishes off, I'm sorry, is the And then we have who says, he ends off saying that it's true that Shimon is going to die, but still I will hope for your salvation, Hashem. which means to say a powerful thing, an important thing that ultimately it can never seem like we're going to have a salvation from a human being. If it looks like that, we need to know we got to cut it out. We got to stop thinking that way that the human being is the one who's going to save us or take care of us. It's only Hashem. And even in the loss of a great leader of Am Israel, a great defender of Kal Israel, even in that moment, that's the moment when we have to strengthen our belief that it's Hashem who's helping us and it's not dependent on any individual. He brings here from the we saw the last week, but he brings another piece from it here. It's saying that when Jacob saw that this individual is going to die, this guy's going to save them from the the spectre, I think that's the word, of danger that's coming from the the Philistines, not to be confused with the Palestinians. There's going to be someone who's going to save us from our enemies and we're going to be free from the yoke and the pain that they cause us. But that person is going to die. Let's not give up hope when we find that Mashia and Yoseph is supposed to die. And I believe that that's connected to what we're talking about here because Yakov sees Shimon thinks that he's going to be Messiah. And Mashia and Yoseph also is involved in wars and involved in protecting Ami Israel. He has power over Paras, the Iranians as we spoke about in Mashia podcast last year. banned Mashia Ben Yoseph according to one opinion in the Gomorrah and other other opinions say he doesn't die but there's an opinion that he dies and if that's the case if he does have to die so the purpose of it is so that we shouldn't place all of our hope in a human being but rather place all of our hope in Hashem and don't give up at that moment you know you you have a salvation it's on the way it seems like someone's going to help you and that that that help falls through it drops All of a sudden, it's not there. Don't give up. I hope for you to help me. I hope for your salvation, Hashem. Don't give up. The salvation is it looked like it's going to come from a human being, but it's not. It's going to come from Hashem himself. A deeper salvation, a more open, a miracle is going to happen. And that's why what we saw last week which said in the medish that every single thing depends on hoping on on yearning for Hashem yearning for his help. Person should never give up on the salvation. Seems like a person might help you and that person that that situation falls through. Don't give up. depend on I hope to Hashm the hope of my soul right this is a spiritual hope my physical body my nephesh which is the animating force of this the physical aspect of myself they may hope to a human being we might put our trust in humans but that trust will be disappointed sometimes my soul knows the truth any human being is just an outer garment for Hashem himself helping me. Let me not be fooled says Rashi says it says I hope to Hashem the hope of my soul. Why does it repeat this word? It's a there's another hoping and another hoping because I lose hope. I'm human. I lose hope. Like the says in which we spoke about hope to Hashem, strengthen your heart and hope to Hashem. Right? Again this this right the next later you know next puzz my soul is to God from amongst those who wait for the morning which means wait for your open salvation I'm waiting for the morning repeats it says it twice what's the idea because I wait for the morning and the morning doesn't seem to come but it's really quite beautiful that mushel is the morning always comes. It always comes. It's like clockwork. You know, the morning's going to come. Sometimes the the nights are longer and sometimes the nights are shorter, but the morning always comes. So, I hope to Hashem in the same way as someone who knows the morning is going to come and I and when it seems like it's just not going to happen, I hope again. This morning says, I hope to Hashem and because of the fact that I'm hoping to you because I have because I'm trusting I have faith in you my God. So it's appropriate that you save me and you bring about vengeance on my on those who are chasing me want to cause my own destruction. And why is it because I because I placed my hope in you see Yeshua. I waited for salvation. And you know one of the questions that they ask a person after the person passes away after 120 did you did you make all your dealings your business dealings? Did you were you honest? But the other question, a famous question is see Yeshua, did you wait for salvation? And that means did you wait for Mashiach? But it also means did you wait for personal salvation? Did you believe that there's going to be a morning? Did you believe that the morning's going to come like clockwork? See is telling us my soul knows the truth. I got to hope for that. And the hoping itself is part of what brings about Hashem's revelation in my life. Says like this there's two times that it says here hoping to Hashem. There's the first one which is the hope that I have and and the that I have that Hashem is going to give me the temporal joy, the temporal feeling of wholeness which is in this world. You know, it's easy for me to to make a mistake and think that if I messed up in my relationship with Hashem, so that's it. Am I going to ever get to that world, to that place, to that closeness to Hashem? How can I fix my mistakes? Hashem put me here. We've talked about this. Hashem put me here knowing I'm going to make mistakes. That's what we're here for. And to learn to learn from our mistakes. So, I have to have a I have to have a belief that I can be different, that I can earn that that eternal reward, that eternal closeness to Hashem. It's within my grasp. It's not beyond my grasp says for his which we didn't explain yet. We talked about the hoping the double language of hoping was I hoped to his word. It means that there's a promise and I and I hope to attain and to receive that promise. The promise is that I'm going to have both of those things. I'm going to have success and goodness in this world and joy and a sense of completeness and wholeness and a sense of satisfaction with haz with the things that are going on in my life. And they might not all be perfect, but that's what I'm hoping for. A sense of satisfaction and recognition that exactly what I have is exactly what I'm supposed to. And Hashem promises that says the he promises you're going to have that and you're going to have a world to come. You're going to have everything that you need. You don't have to worry about it. Just got to try to do it. Try your best to be the person who I want you to be. Hashem says, but means I hope I I have faith in I have to get to where I need to get to. If I want to get there, if that's my focus in life, I'm gonna get there. I don't have to worry that I'm not going to make it. I trust in your promise, Hashem, that I'm going to make it. I'm going to have both this world and the next, says the We have a we have a situation with says we want his forgiveness, right? We're here to make mistakes and we make them and we acknowledge them and we say, "I want to be better. I want to change. I want to I want to move up in life." And we know that that depends on Hashem's forgiveness. If I've done wrong, I need to be forgiven. But that's a before our it's in Hashem's hands. That forgiveness. Whether we're forgiven or not depends on his decision. And what does that do? It gives us a certain sense of awe, respect that there's a sense that if I don't have the proper year as Hashem, if I don't have the proper fear of heaven, respect for Hashem's word, respect for Hashem, you don't forgive. You might not forgive Hashem. I know I might not have enough. I know I might not be enough. I know I might not be sincere enough and real enough to deserve the forgiveness. But I got a different card to play. What's the card to play? I have a reason, Hashem, that you shouldn't hold back that you shouldn't hold back that forgiveness and you should redeem us. It's because I'm not saying do it because I deserve it. Do it for the honor of your name, Hashem. What do I really want? I'm going to give you a a little paren parenthetical thing. I don't think Dash is saying that. But when I look, let's say I look to a person for help, I just want to feel confidence. I just want to feel stable. I want the stability. I'm making a little mistake because the one who's the most stable, has the most confidence inspiring ability is Hashem. And I I make a mistake when I turn to a human being instead of Hashem. But but you know, that's what I'm looking for. What I'm really looking for is Hashem. I just make a little mistake about where Hashem is found. I'm looking for the real confidence. I'm looking for Hashem. If I'm trying to get money, think about it. What What am I looking for when I'm looking for money? I'm looking for stability. I'm looking to feel like my needs are met. And I think that my boss is the one who meets meets my needs. Or I think that whatever it is, whoever's giving me the money, my parents, my my spouse, whatever, whoever seems to provide me with money, excuse me. or the doctor or the shad or whoever it is. I'm looking for really Hashem. I I I just got a little bit of a an idol going on about who's the one who really provides me with my money, my whatever it is. back to the what I really want is Hashem, which is the name. I want the name of Hashem to be whole, which means and he doesn't explain this, but that's but this is what it means. I want the name of Hashem to be whole. I want the Yud and the the first Yud and and the H represent Hashem in concept in heaven. God is the creator distant from me. I don't see the VV and the he which represent how he manifests in the world. I don't see how he is in my life. That's the Yud and the H. And the V and the H means that we get them together. When we get those letters to come together, it means that not only is he God above conceptually, but he's God below mash. I feel it. I can see it. I can sense it. I Hashem, I want your full name. Hashem, I want you in my life. I want to see you. I want to feel you. I want to I'm sick of thinking that I'm doing it. I want to feel like you're doing it. I want That's the truth. I'm sick of feeling like someone else is helping me. I want to feel like you're the one helping me. Maybe through a person, but it's you. And now which I desire now is my body and certainly my soul. I'm not sure exactly what this means yet. Let's see together. Hopefully we'll understand this. I my soul's desire is right on a physical level. Sometimes it's hard to actually feel it. It's hard to feel like Hashem is in my life. My soul knows it. I know it deep in my in my heart. I know it deep in my in my subconscious and and certainly intellectually I know it. Before my body before my soul came into my body in this generation, right, in this incarnation, my soul was it was clear that Malik tapped me on the lip and I forgot everything. But it was clear to my soul and it's deep inside of me. What does it mean? I hope to you, Hashem, the hope of my soul. I want to have more. I want to have a deeper revelation here in this world. I originally had a hope and a recognition and a beten when I was just in the world of the souls. I I all I had was a recognition that you're it all all that there is is just you, Hashem. But I came down into this earth and I forgot that in my body and my emotions and my psychology, they all blocked me from the truth. So I ask you, Hashem, I want to have a deeper recognition, a deeper yearning, a deeper feeling, a deeper sense here in this world that you are doing it even more than what I originally understood when I was in the world of the souls. I want to have it here. That connection, that reality, that feeling, that sense that you're in my life, that you're taking care of me. brings here from the when I hope to you Hashem because of my hope God give it to me. So he goes along seemingly a similar line. He says it's not my body and it's not my physical aspect that which is desiring. Right? What am I asking for? I'm asking for something physical. I want to be saved from danger. I want to be saved from from financial issues. I want to be saved from emotional issues. I'm asking for something that has to do with my physical being, but that's not the truth. Where's that desire really come from? There's a mask. Like we said before, there's a mask. Whenever I want something or whenever I think that someone's going to help me, I'm really looking for Hashem. that desire for physical sustenance, that desire for love. It's really that my soul, my beautiful pure soul is desiring Hashem's love, Hashem's sustenance, that true connection. That's where the request is coming from. It's because I desired his word. What I really desire is something that's his his word. Whatever I need to to be able to receive his godliness to recognize that he's the one doing it. I want a relationship with you, Hashem. When I say I want parasa, let's let's be clear. I want to have what I need so that I can be unencumbered and undisturbed so I can serve you, Hashem, and have a relationship with you, Hashem. That's what it means in the when it says that if you trust in Hashem, Hashem will be your trust. It means that if what you're after is a relationship with Hashem. So, Hashem guarantees you'll have whatever you need. Hashem will be the one who provides for you. And you'll see it. There's a star here. I wrote this star next to the following note over here. It's a little bit long. We're gonna go a little over the time I usually spend, but it's important. The the son of the Rambam writes as follows. Let's understand it's important to know how to direct our because yes, naturally I want things that are physical. I want physical needs to be met. Well, emotional needs to be met. But there's a big difference between a which is for something on the physical plane and which at its root is in a spiritual plane. He says an amazing thing. Let's say I have for something which is not an absolute need but it will help me in my learning. You know what? If someone will give me a vanilla ice cream today, I'll be in a good mood and I'll be able to learn better. I'll be able to serve Hashem better. That is much better and it's a much more than something which is an absolute need but it's just a physical need and I I just want my physical need to be met without any spiritual uh any spiritual no spiritual calculation is involved. He says, "I'll give you an example of two people who have one guy. He really believes Hashem is going to give him the food that he needs. He's hungry. He needs food. He's going to have the money to buy himself a dinner. He's eat food to eat, clothes to wear. Why does he want it? The the motivation matters." And by the way, we can change how we think about things. It's just a habit. It's just getting into the habit of thinking about it differently. Why do I want these clothes if it's just so that I'm not embarrassed and so I don't say I have I have something nice to wear so I'm not embarrassed walking around. I have so I'm not embarrassed that I have to ask people for money, take charity. This particular person is not doing it so that he can learn better. He can have a connection to Hashem. He can be able to fulfill mitzvah better connect. You can have another person who has it's not something that's so important in and of itself. I want lots of money. I'm not talking about myself. I'm talking about this guy. He wants lots of money. He wants power. Or something similar. Why does he want this wealth? He wants to have the wealth because he he really sincerely wants to do the mitzvah of Hashem to give charity and help out people, not for his own benefit. He wants to stand up the bent, straighten out the bent, help those who want to serve Hashem. The person has for something that's not absolutely necessary, but he doesn't. He has that because he wants to serve Hashem. That is his goal. That's the kind of that we're after. So interesting. And he ends off and says that the the best the the most it seems to me the most um praiseworthy is when you're asking for something that you need and you're asking for the right reasons cuz you want to be able to have a relationship with Hashem. You need the money. Why? Not just so that you don't have to ask for saddaka, for charity. So that you can serve Hashem. You have peace of mind. Hashem, give me what I need. Please God, so that I can serve you. So that I can connect to you. So that my kids can have a relationship with you. So that I can give all these things. If it's for a purpose, if it's for a spiritual purpose, that's the that we're after. Thank you so much for listening. We'll see you again next time.