R' Yitzchok Silver - Dating and Marriage

[Music] shom I'll have to guess the rest of the audience because I understand that the audience online are quite different to the audience present and I have to think of trying to make the Maximum Impact in the place where it needs to be made if we take a look at the secular world if there is any such thing as shim or let's call it dating it's quite different to what shim means in the Torah World shim if there is such a thing dating in the secular World they look at the material side of things they would check out money Beauty various other benefits material benefit benefits another thing about dating in the secular world is that they not necessarily are thinking of a sh at all so of course dating when talking of dating there are some communities within CL that uh parents see nothing wrong with their teenage children dating without marriage in mind at all very often they've already decided that they will not get married and they're dating anyway so first of all according to the Torah that is forbidden uh most people know that physical contact which is enjoyable is between males and females is forbidden H it's also forbidden just to chat and enjoy each other's company the the Torah did not just say thou shalt not commit adultery the Torah said don't even get close to each other so anything that creates some kind of closeness in the way that males and females enjoy each other would be forbidden so we're not talking about dating that's got nothing to do with shim over here because that's not something that that makes a difference to us we're talking about dating for shim so now even dating in for shim unfortunately in many parts of the secular World they will date for not and if things work out then they might think of marriage later they usually get fed up with each other after a year or too and uh that's also not really what we're talking about so what are we talking about when we talk about shim what is that beauty that in the from families at least where I come from I'm from Israel so you have to excuse my lack of uh commands of the English language the where I come from the parents on both sides will make very good inquiries usually the parents will meet each other before their children even meet and have very often decided how many meetings their children will meet and the children will then go ahead and meet for an hour and a half or maybe for maybe two or three times or maximum five times and they've already organized where they're going to make the and when the will be and and it's so beautiful and the whole wedding only costs about $5,000 it's afterwards fixing them up by buying them a house and an apartment and that's the big the big expense so it's very different to what the people who our audience the way our audience think so there the parents have done all the inquiries the parents know their children well the parents are experienced the parents are not moved by by the the material bribes and it's very very different to how and these children live Wonderful Wonderful lives afterwards and they live until 100 20 I know somebody who recently his wife passed away and he arrived in uh he came to hospital for a minor procedure about a month later and the nurses came over to him and said we must give you our condolences for you you had a wonderful wife you must have had a wonderful marriage with her so he said yes true but it it was not long enough so they asked him how long was it he said it was only 7 72 years and they got married during the second world war in London and they were Germans so they weren't allowed to be in London so they were because maybe they're German spies so they were put in some out of the way area and there there wasn't even a minion by their they they came to London during Chev bras to a from restaurant and someone had a bottle of wine and they made a Chev bras for them yes 72 years and it wasn't long enough I would like to go I'd like to travel the whole world and see where there is another country another Nation where people live in love and respect and care for each other so many years and uh so so there's something special about shim okay so uh young people may look for looks or money well that's a little bit of course when you you're going into a you are now sewing the seeds planting taking root Poss of your future Generations people want a career what for people want money what for you're talking here about building a house you're talking here about not a 2-year contract for with some worker or partner you're talking here of a lifetime contract and you're Building Together everything you'll have in this world and in the world to come so it is very important to to think you know the person you're dating with whether they're for you or not if for instance the the girl is not so strong in keeping Shabbat or she prefers the the the tasty food in in a particular restaurant over the over over it being kosher oh she'll keep vegetarian and fish and and whatever or dairy but she doesn't really mind if there is a he if it is kosher or not are you on that level or are you not on that level if you're not on that level so bear in mind this is how she's going to raise your kids and this is how your house is going to look afterwards or it could be vice versa maybe the boy is like that and the girls stronger than him so these things have to be taken into account people will not be happy afterwards when when they in when they are in different directions I once counseled a secular couple of course I made a condition they were already older that they must keep to har uh their children brought them to me and their children said to me that they have separated but they they don't really have any reason to get divorced just they've separated and do you think you can I was in in a town somewhere else around the world in a different continent and uh I said listen I have half an hour to deal to to to to meet them between one lecture and the other and fine if they want they can come they they came they sat and I asked the husband why did you come to me he said to make my children happy I said do you think I can help you he said no so why did you come to make my children happy okay so I said what is your problem he said I I don't have any problem so I asked you mind if your wife explains they were in love since they were 14 and they had a beautiful marriage and he had just walked out okay so she started explaining this that and the other you know the usual kinds of things the way people explain things okay turned to him I said what do you say do you think that's correct so he said oh I don't have anything to say do you think I can help you no so why do you come to make my children happy okay so I asked him what did the psychologists say you know the people you've been to till now so he said oh they just taking loads of information they have no Solutions anyway so I uh I asked him do you mind if your wife has tell you know summarizes what they have said so he said oh yeah if she wants so she went and summarized what the psychologist said so I turned to him and I said to him what have you got to say about that so he said well there's nothing he said life married life is so boring and and divorced life is so boring so what what's the difference so I said to him if that's the case maybe I said so I said to him well that's exactly what I said you have nothing really to be married for but you have nothing really to get divorced for so he said yes I suppose that's right so I said to them can I tell you how how what what the Torah has to say about marriage so okay so I said to them in in in the in the Torah the Torah says that a man Al a man will leave his parents and he will be attached to his wife and they will become one unified flesh I told them let me tell you a story I once got a call it was on Friday afternoon he was a man I know him and his wife very upright respectable people parents to about seven children married for about 12 years and he told me that he's escaped from the house he's just terrified to go back so I said to him what happened he said about 6 weeks earlier his wife has miscarried and we all know that there's major hormone changes and whatnot after such a thing he said the first 3 weeks were Gaden they were full of emuna and they were so happy with each other and so strong the following 3 weeks have been G she has made his life a misery whatever he says he's wrong for saying when he's quiet he's wrong for staying quiet whatever he does he's wrong whatever he doesn't do he's wrong and he said he can't take it anymore he said he bought her a bouquet of flowers an expensive bouquet and he's not a rich boy and she took the bouquet in front of his face and ducked it head first straight into the garbage pale he said he wrote her a beautiful letter an apology letter for that he hadn't done anything and he said she took this letter and she he's very artistic he sells his paintings for thousands of dollars he he took he didn't even open the envelope there could be $1,000 in there she couldn't care she ripped it to pieces and threw the pieces into his face and he more painful from than that in 2 3 days time she is supposed to be coming home from the mikah and that's always a very very special time and she is screaming at him that all you want is to use me and that's all you need me for and he's torn to pieces and he called me up and he said what what should I do I'm I I'm scared to go home so I said to him it is a in the tah so he said to me where is that P it's not where the curses are in like where is this I said it's right at the beginning of the Torah the Torah says the Torah says a woman her is for her husband originally wanted to build Adam and Eve as two separate individuals but then he built one individual with a two-faced individual uh um a male and a female half half he then split that and built and brought her to Adam and of course he decorated he beautified her with 24 different decorations and he brought her to odam and odam woke up from his sleep hugged her and kissed her and said created animals as two separate individuals they hit each other they snatch things from each other they cohabit and they walk off with no responsibilities towards each other whatsoever she doesn't accept his authority or serve him in any way and he also couldn't really care for her on that the Torah says it is not good for a human being to be Lonesome I will make him a helpmate and she will want to be with him all the time he'll want to be with her all the time physically you can't be together all the time you'll get on each other's nerves we've all heard those stories of the person who moved the business to the house and got divorced shortly afterwards okay so you can't be physic we're talking about emotionally this is a deep tight strong emotional bond between a husband and wife and this is what marriage is in Judaism and when a woman gets a for her husband she may need him because she needs everything from him she may just need a hug and a kiss and she may just need a chat some compliments and she may just need to pour out her pain because she is considered as one of his Limbs and the limbs can't function unless if they are attached to the body and she will be floating around until she can attach herself to him if she's gone through a very happy experience or a very miserable experience she must share that with somebody it someone swiped it out from under his nose he's going to be shattered well your dear wife was in the middle of her in in the middle of having her a and she lost it she is very very broken understand when a woman goes off the handle and she screams and shouts and accuses and and she knows exactly where the man's open nerves are and where his weak points are she is just desperate for him to share with her pain sympathy empathy and his job is to do that that's what he's that that is what he's there for and this this person a a woman does not need she doesn't need justifications and she doesn't need she doesn't need uh re remorse and repent for what you didn't do and and I'll never do do it again when you didn't do it anyway that's not what she needs she just needs your heart feel for me she does not need advice and solutions I'm not saying women that you're right you have to have some some respect for your husbands but it does happen and you can tell him that you know I don't really mean you and I don't really mean this because he gets very nervous when you attack him okay but really what what all she is heart heart and more heart she doesn't really mean it she just needs someone to feel with her I told told him go back home and sit down by the kitchen table when she's in the middle of her era of shabas preparations and burst into tears and she is going to ask you what happened and tell her you know what happened a few weeks ago it was so hard for me and I realized that it's going to be hard for you and I had to play shim Samson the mighty and I had to pretend otherwise the house is going to fall apart and I put on that show for 6 weeks and I stand back in awe at at your Mighty your Mighty Soul what you've been through and how you're taking it and how did you stay normal and just cry I've heard a few times from women the day he'll cry to me I'll know he's mine not cry about his own his own troubles he'll cry with me about my troubles that's all she needs but most people don't call you back but he called back within an hour I think within half an hour and he told me that his whole house had u-turned the pook says that a person is supposed to love his wife like like a deathly love he is supposed to be obsessed by the love he has for his wife now this doesn't mean I love fish do you not see I eat it with such an appetite no you don't love fish you love yourself and you kill fish and eat them you know once somebody fell into the nagara Falls so that's like definite death right almost definite so there's a fell standing there he immediately took off his clothes and jumped straight in after him and he rescued him and it was all over the media of the whole United States this hero who had risked his life to rescue somebody else and somebody stepped over to him and asked him why did you rescue that person so he said because he owes me a million dollars so think about it so much of our love is self-love no that's not what love is Love is Real concern the other person love is real real appreciation and respect if someone loves his wife this death deathly love and he is obsessed by his love for his wife when she has a tantrum just to let go of some feelings and have some syp do and empathize he doesn't lose his cool he doesn't raise his voice and defend himself and then counter attack how can he if you love someone you have mercy on them you pity them and if you love someone if you pity someone she's in enough pain as it is she doesn't need extra from you this is marriage this is to become United with your wife this is to become her flesh a closer blood relative to your wife than you are to your parents as the Torah says I told this couple you know Mrs when your husband came home from A Hard Day's Work at the office and he was under pressure and he did not want to share those pressures with you because enough of them in the office and he wanted to just relax but he was under pressure so of course a good husband puts on a good show for the first 10 minutes and then he turns to his wife and he says you know if I have tonight it's nothing to do with you I've just had a hard day in the office and it's not for our good for me to explain you exactly what happened because it won't make it easier for me or it maybe l in or for some other reason I don't want to speak to you about it so so um yeah she'll be there I turned to this woman I said to her were you there for him in these moves did you try to sensitize developer sensitivity for when he needs your emotional support were you there for him why not how you know your psychologist said okay so give your partner quality time 40 minutes every evening did you give them a heart you know I met people that their wife wants to build a big house by the sea and a big house in Israel do how often do you go to Israel well we don't maybe our daughter will go to Seminary there in 3 years time so what do you want to do you're doing this for an investment would you rent it out no no we wouldn't rent it out so why is she talking you know and I just step into the person's house and I see plans he's living in a palace and I see plans on the floor and understand the plans because I also sit based in and there's a lot of fights about building and I say wow like you're you're building something and he says yes like we've grown out of this house he's got a swimming pool and a tennis court I'm not exaggerating and an inbuilt trampoline and who knows what else and and he's moving this is not big enough so yeah money can't buy happiness you know money is one of our problems in life too little of it a b a problem too much of it is even a bigger problem okay so he's uh yeah and his wife wants the house by see and when did you go to we go for about 2 weeks a year and you need a house maybe you should like rent a palace yeah that's what we've been doing till now just she wants to build one so I I told this person she doesn't need a house I told I know somebody who opened a supermarkets in the olden days when there wasn't plastic money and all numbers and computer screens he opened a a new Supermarket he came home with a an attach cas with £25,000 in it it was it was like big takings from the first day and he was really excited and he he dashed in and wife came to him and he said look how much we made today and and he sat down on the couch and he opened up the case and he started counting Counting and he had like big complaints on his wife why didn't she come and count with me and enjoy my happiness with me I want to explain you something a man has a curse but with a with with a sweat of his face he will leave his bread we have what's called a lust for money sometimes that lust is so strong that our wife feels that we love our money more than we love her so what she'll be doing is asking for a house by the Sea and asking for the you know hitting the credit limit on the credit card all the time and asking for a house in his Ro and she doesn't need it and we're not talking about a little apartment these kind of people she doesn't need anything she needs her husband and she's not getting him because he is busy counting his money that that person if he had any sense he should have walked in paid attention spent a few like throwing the case on the couch and spend a few precious moments minutes with his wife and then all of a sudden said to his wife wow I forgot do you know what's in that case today's takings do you want to see let's go check oh so you love me and this is like a side thing to money or you love your money and I'm like a side thing this is marriage yeah heard people say I don't want to do the dishes on the floors because then she will be spoiled and she'll start taking advantage of me one minute you walk on these floors you ate from these dishes why should she like oh she's doing your dishes and you don't want to do your dishes you know I had somebody that his wife like hated changing the bottom sheet you know she leing that heavy mattress so I told him like whose sheets like yours hers oh and the washing she hangs all washing and she arranges every she like packs and and shelves it and cleans it maybe you could just do just one thing just put down the bottom sheets because it's heavy for her the mattresses that's one thing that's difficult for her oh you know somebody came toim keski and he said like his wife bothers him in the morning that she has to help him prepare the children and uh pack them all off and then give each one a sandwich and wait for this and go to there and he said you know this is B Tyra so like wanted to stand up for him so he said why he said because you're you're growing orphans up in your home so you you deserve respect let me stand up for you so he said no no these are my children he said what these are your children this is your responsibility you she helps you with the children and you have to do some of it yourself what are you complaining about so yeah this is marriage so the baby cries in the middle of the night so I'll pretend I'm sleeping why you know how to make a bottle so she's fed the baby maybe you could burp the baby this is marriage do you really love her you're supposed to get to animals they were two Creations they fight they cohabit and walk off without any responsibilities humans were originally One Creation they are going back to reunify thear relates to is sometimes a wife's body has the same as the husband's body there are a few in this that you're considered one person with a left hand and a right hand so so this is what marriage is absolute Unity absolute Unity okay you know I had a a couple that that like he he he was it was really very people and they had like made up before they got married no smartphones in the house and they you know shortly after they got married she turns up with a smartphone of course with all the relevant filters and uh he comes to me and he he calls me up from a different town in Israel and he tells me what should I do terrible she's walked in with this broken the rules that we made up so I asked him does she know you're upset about that he said to me yes so I said to him don't do anything wait 3 4 weeks and if it's still a problem take her to a non-religious restaurant and you will see how couples walk in together all excited with each other they take the menu they make their order the waiter comes they make their order and then each one takes their smartphone out and they're just hammering away at their smartphone like not even thinking about what they're eating and having absolutely no connection with each other I said to him you know I I was saying this in the hope that you know one in 10 would look like that because I although I am quite in the K incubator I have been to hospitals and on buses and I I do see that the the whole day they're busy I just flew in over here it was so nice that I didn't have to speak to the people around me because they were so busy with their phones it's h like like usually you don't have to just sit imprisoned in that Pub for the 12 hours you you you know flying across the ocean you you have to actually speak to people well this time I didn't have to because they so so busy oh so I told him take take her to the restaurant and then asked her like you know when we made up with don't tell her the rabbis don't let or any of that so when we made up not to have smartphones in the house I wanted to have a relationship with you and look how have ruined their relationships do you know Ritz his wife made him a drink and brought it in and he was in front of his disciples and he asked his disciples what is in this cup and they were like academics and they were very analytically like and each one had his idea about what's in the cup and he disqualified all their answers so they said to him rebba what is in this cup he said it's a cup full of love because my wife has prepared it for me with her whole heart the gamarra says that Hashem said to M raenu I want to give a special present to the Jews from my treasure house and its name is Shabbat shabas I want to give them shabas go tell them that a very a very precious present is on the way yeah years ago when I grew up if you wants to talk on the phone with somebody you were stuck to the wall there was a wire okay had phones right in the beginning but then people got phones they were stuck to the wall so then if a couple went out to a restaurant they really had quality time together uh and then these phones came detached from the wall cell phones so it was a little bit harder and it was ridiculous a couple puts the puts away the time they want to go out together and enjoy each other and then the cell phone rings during the meal and like isn't that ridiculous is that wrong number really more important than your wife let me tell you what she's going to do to you if you didn't give her 100% attention when she deserved it when she DED herself up and came to be close with you and you only gave her 95% attention she doesn't realize the attention you gave her she only realizes that she did not get oh said you know what's going to happen she's going to blow a tantrum on you and then you won't dare look who's on the phone or answer a phone call in the middle of that so she's going to get 100% attention somewhere else is that worth it okay so that was the quality time that people still had with minor interuptions now with smartphones they don't have any quality time together do you know what Shabbat is the beauty of Shabbat that they shower beforehand and they dress up nicely and they they they they they they all come together for a meal full of love that the wife has invested her heart and soul in and they sing together and they reminisce that the the the um the the the week's experience sometimes three or four generations together when my father comes to me and my and grandchildren are there everybody is enjoying everybody outside in the nonto world a 43-year-old father with a 16-year-old son don't even understand each other Oh They'll blame it on character clashes and generation gaps gaps and any and everything else that the psychologist decides to call it but at the end of the day they do not get along do they ever have quality time together a husband a wife the generations when they went dating the the seeds they were sewing and the generations they intended on planting oh so other smart smartphones a good thing for marriage or is Shabbat a good thing for marriage you know something you have a couple when they were engaged they were so excited with each other so she didn't really know how to cook she hardly knew how to strike a match well she knew how to go day thing but the match okay she uh the the the uh so she's learning to cook she's got to build a house soon so she scrambles him an egg and half of it is burned like an askanazi matah and the other half of it is like runny like a and she you didn't really know how you salt it or when you salt it so it's got some very salty patches and some tasteless patches and the the groom just gobbles it up and he's so excited with it because his calor made him an egg full of love can I ask what happened to that egg after they got married when she became the wife wo be tied if there's too much or too little salt or it's too burned or too runny she better make it exact L how I like it oh dear so what happen when they were engaged he was buying her flowers and jewelry and he really was having what happened to all of that after they got married so they went off to the marriage guidance people and they said well you have to leave around love notes and you have to buy her flowers what is this Hollywood are we in an act no this is supposed to be real this is supposed to be real you have to really find out what love is not like that fellow who dived into the Niagara Falls you have to really love and care respect and and and have patience and warmth and and and and give her anything and everything she needs in life now if you want to keep that marriage that that pre pre-marriage love which is really only fantasy because you're not married yet and you don't have a family yet so it's really only fantasy and it has to become real after you get married so the tah the gamar says over familiarity breeds contempt and therefore the Torah says that a woman should be aid aid doesn't mean t and untable and dirty no there are she cannot eat truma she cannot go into the Bika she cannot eat a sacrifice okay there are laws of tum doesn't mean she's dirty it just means no physical contact right now that if you eat chocolate every day you won't want to eat it on Shabbat anymore because you're just kept Fed Up When when you you've got a close friend if he starts coming to your house too often you just don't want to see him anymore that's how relationships broke break over familiarity breaths contempt if you find honey eat to your fil but don't eat too much because afterwards you'll never want to look at Honey again so the Torah said you have to have these gaps separations you have to have times that you cannot have any physical contact and you're not supposed to be enticing each other during these times and it's only a few days and the gar says when a woman comes home from her from her Mikvah she will her that fresh love that her husband had from from on for her on the night of the wedding will be revived so that that life is constantly constantly the the the the female is looking for the love and care and the male is looking for what he's looking for and and this balance is constantly being revived that he shows her during the times that there's no physical contact that he really loves and cares also when he has to manage without his needs he obviously doesn't need it if the Torah doesn't let him have it so this is how you keep that fantasy love from before you got married alive and revived constantly during your marriage it's true that you need that pre-marriage blast off like the first engine of the rocket that takes the rocket rocket into the atmosphere that's much stronger than the second engine that just helps it hover around in the atmosphere that that's that's the that's the okay so we did need it but it has to get to a stage that'll be real when you're dating just to have a good time so a lot of people who date it just breaks up and they never get to marriage and sometimes they get to they date for a few years and sometimes even sin and and then they get married and they almost immediately want to divorce what happened what happen well the Torah has the remedies for this keep tahara keep Shabbat and you'll really really enjoy each other I would like to speak a few minutes about Rea because I found personally I suppose I could have done it many to many of the but I decided to choose RAB and I would like to talk a few minutes about what love meant by rabaka SOA really really loved Hashem when he DED in public he just DED normal like everybody else but if he DED in private you would leave him in one corner and you would find him in a completely different corner of the room because he would keep on bowing down and and he wouldn't even realize where he is from his his his tremendous love for Hashem while he was ding to Hashem because of course when Hashem sends us Sarat he's just asking us come close to me come and ask for what you need do CH so reab AKA he would he would that he he was getting close to Hashem and forgetting the whole world tells his similar to what told the go who said to him tell teach me the whole Torah while you're standing on one leg so he said never do to others what you don't what you hate having done to yourself R says the whole tah is love your friend as you love yourself love every Jew as you love yourself reab AA had 24,000 disciples and they all died over 33 days that's an average of over 800 a day and these were the the the heart and soul of Kal Israel of that generation because they didn't respect each other enough respect and love each other enough this is who RAB AA was when talking of love kazal say that if you wish to cry on Shabbat you're not allow because that makes people miserable however if somebody wants to cry from feeling close to Hashem he may like RAB AKA when RAB AKA would would read shirim the song of songs his eyes would would flow and flow with tears shim is a love story it is really a parable the parable is the love of a man for a woman of course a husband for a wife myones the rambam says that the the whole of shirim is is is a mashal a parable of love for a woman that somebody is obsessed by and really really loves and your love for Hashem is the name sh is is what the masal is coming to tell us and your love for Hashem is supposed to be even stronger than that re AA the daughter of kalas Sawa one of the three richest people in in the nation she saw that her father's Shepherd is has so much potential but someone who has no Torah cannot make it great so she asked him if I marry you will you go and learn Torah and he said yes and they married in secret and her father banished them from his massive wealth his incredible wealth and they were living in a house of a a straw a a storehouse of straw and they were picking straw out of each other's hair in the morning when they were waking up and Eli knocked on the door and said to him my wife has just given birth and I don't have a mattress and we can you spare little bit of straw F to lay on raka turned to his wife and said see there's people worse than us okay and then R said to his wife I want to buy you a sh a beautiful gold ornament that only very rich people can afford why is not te why is this not teasing painting her with words all of her family had that kind of jewelry all of his family all of her family had lumps of gold she got a Heart full of SC someone that really meant it and she sends him off to learn and it's not simple she had to explain him you know the kids are going to spit at you pe Shooters and whatnot and you know that'll be over and done two three days go learn go learn sit in the and he learns very fast and he learns Alf Bas he didn't even know Alf Bas he learns Kash and he learns and he goes eventually he sits down with his wife and he says how long can you manage without me and people didn't live in fantasy in those days and they sit down and make a a a a you know a full accounting of where they're and they feel that they deep tight strong emotional bond is so strong that she can manage without the physical side for 12 years and he gets up and he goes to learn by the Yeshua and the and after 12 years he comes home and he hears from the behind the door a wicked neighbor telling her see your father was right your husband left you in auna to raise the kids by yourself and marry them off and your father was right and she calmly tells this person if he would listen to me he would go out there for another 12 years and re hears the truth in her words that she has the to manage without me and what did we say if she needs him he has to be there if she doesn't need him he has permission and he goes for another 12 years he comes back with 24,000 told me him and this bad neighbor is telling her where are you going to I remember the Silver Jubilee in London we lined the streets and the queen came by and her white Rolls-Royce okay reak arrived with 24,000 disciples the whole town was turning up and down upside down and she's going out and this wicked neighbor is saying where are you going you don't have respectable clothing and her friends are saying I'll lend you my shabas dress I lend you my yam dress and she says I don't need he knows who I am he knows what I did for him and out she goes and as he comes past she falls to his feet and people are trying to say no go away from the the rebber Anda stops them and he says wait let anything I learned I used to get up earlier than everybody else every morning and prepare for the for the lectures and I used to go to sleep later than everybody else and revise the lectures and every single second I felt her was sitting right next to me in the B of was from the the spikes on the top of the letters in learned so much so much from those piles and piles of from each tag he was the RAB ofal the great R says anything and everything I have is all her credit leave her leave her when was 120 years old and he was taken out from a shame we can't carry on he was taken out from a lengthy prison sentence where was m neish in the prison also and he was taken out to his death and they had iron Combs I'm sorry to revolt you and send you home in this but they they like the decorators like flatten out the walls with these iron cones and they were they started combing him and the only thing that was interesting him was when is the I have to say sh the first comb is terribly painful but the second combing into live flesh and they're combing him away and the time of K sh and he Bellows out sh is and his disciples ask him Reba how can you can and he says to them my whole life I would say you have to love with your whole soul even if someone wants to murder you there are certain mitzvot that you have to be willing to give your life up just to prove how much you believe and trust Hashem and you love hasm and now that I every time I said sh every morning every evening I was imagining even if a guy would want to kill me for my for Hashem I will do it and now that I get the chance shouldn't I grab it with two hands and he continued saying shma until they murdered him cruel cruel painful painful murder and his left him with the word and out came a voice from heaven reak was going straight into Canan from where did he get this strength this love for Hashem RAB AKA who knew the parable how to love your wife that she can manage 24 years without physical no not distance not lack of budget not time nothing will separate between them that RAB who understands man and wife that is the rabak who understands love between man and wife that is the r who understands love for Hashem devotion and loyalty to a partner will help us to give devotion and loyalty to that was Rea and uh that is what we strive for we we sometimes we can't get all the way up there but we are trying to learn from as much as we can so when dating You're Building Generations when dating you have to look at this person and say could I be a loyal and devoted partner can they be are we interested in the same things in life will we make success of this sewing the seeds of our life so will the roots go well can we manage have we got the same aspirations and Ambitions do our families fit and and that is what dating is in Judaism not running after material benefits and how I be able to use the other side as much as possible and when we get to Absolute Unity which includes having so much time and patience and energy for each other because if you are obsessed by your love for for your partner you don't Lose Yourself when they need your help and they are crying and accusing you will wait until the Tantrum goes over and you'll continue loing loving them thereafter okay I'm sorry I have to leave but uh I have to go on to the next place there are many various Publications over here if anybody wants to purchase them there is a a price list and I think somebody is staying behind to take care [Music]