Habayit Event - Rabbi Joey Haber

Thank you very much for being here. I understand that it's um not exactly 72°. But it's an honor just the same to be here on behalf of an incredible organization. So, thank you for those of you that are in this temperature staying for not just one class but for two. And thank you for your attention. I'm going to try to be relatively brief. How long should I go? Mr. Sham, how long should I go? What's the right amount of time? What? 30? I think like 25. I want to tell you what makes Habayit, in my humble opinion, an incredible organization and an incredible concept. What is Habayit? You already heard, I'm sure. People come from all around the world and even from within our community, and they need a place to stay. I know the feeling. My father, alav hashalom, wasn't well for 7 years, in and out of hospitals. And there were times that we needed a place to stay overnight or over Shabbat. And Habayit really didn't have that then for us. But today they would have. And the places we went were wonderful, but nothing like having the saffair that our community has, having the beauty the way Habayit does it. You know, our community's stance of style and standard is is high. But in many ways that high standard we use for other people, too. But I think there's a soul to a bite that is important. And if you this soul is something that you could share and something that you could imitate in your bite, you could imitate in your life in your own home in your own life. You know, and if you could understand this idea that we're about to share and you can use it and the concept is so simple, it can elevate every interaction you ever have. And I hope that if we can internalize what we're about to share is something you could use wherever you go. Moshe Rabbeinu stands at the burning bush and Hashem asked him, "Mah zeh b'yadecha?" What's in your hand? And Moshe Rabbeinu says, "It's a stick." Hashem says, "Take the stick and throw it to the ground." He throws it to the ground and it turns into a snake. Hashem says, "Bend down and pick it back up again." And he does. And he picks back up the stick, the snake, and it turns into a stick. The question is, what's this whole charade? It's Hashem, he knows what's in his hand. Why is he asking what's in his hand? And then why is he telling him to throw it to the ground? Why does it turn into a snake? And why does it turn back into a stick? The answer I'm about to share with you is the most important lesson of leadership anyone can ever learn. And it's so simple. God Hashem was asking Moshe Rabbeinu what's in your hand, he meant to say the stick that you have in your hand, why is it in your hand? Because you see, in the days of old, the stick was used for power. A king held the stick. A stick was used for income. A shepherd held a stick. And so we're asking him, "Why is it your hand? As long as that stick is in your hand for yourself, throw it to the ground cuz it's as poison as a snake. Now, bend back down and pick it up again. And use that stick for another. And that's what leadership is. It's a very simple thing. What's your stick? Identify your stick. For some people, their stick is their personality. For some people, it's their connections. For others, it's their intelligence. For others, it's their education. For other people, their stick is their house. For other people, their stick is their sense of humor. For other people, their stick is their money or their business or their relationships. What is your stick? And use it for another, and that's what leadership is. There are so many people say, "I'm not a leader. What can I do?" Identify your stick. And use it for another person. I shared this story once with a video on me and me video that was being used for Mexico. And someone the person said who was videoing was understood the Torah. And he asked me a question. He says, "Rabbi, I want to add to what you said. Why is Moshe Rabbeinu's name Moshe, which means to draw? It should have been Mashui, which means that was drawn." And he said, "The answer is says the Hatam Sofer, the answer is because for the rest of Moshe Rabbeinu's life, he would be drawing other people out of the ocean." Again, so what does that mean? What does that do with the stick? The answer is this, and here's the point. Here's what Hashem did to Moshe Rabbeinu. He made him be drawn out of the water. He made his life vulnerable. He made him about to drown. And then Hashem said, "All I'm asking you to do is what I did for you, you do for another. That's your stick. Every one of us go through things. What happened to you, do for another. What happened to you, communicate to another. What happened to you, use it to understand another. That's your stick. So, let me explain what I mean. Cuz I don't think I was still clear enough. I told you about the stick, told you about the water, but didn't tell you the point. Hashem has blessed me to have the opportunity to speak in many audiences. Many of the audiences are people that are going through a challenge. I've had the chance in my life to speak to a room full of widows. I'm not a lot chance to speak to a room full of people divorced. A room full of people that are way older than they expected to be and not yet married. I recently went on a trip with a room full of people that are married for 10 years or more and don't yet have children. I last week spoke in Lakewood to a room of people that have children that are special needs. I've spoken to a room full of orphans. How do you talk to people like that? What do you tell somebody that's going through something, especially if you didn't go through it? What do you tell them? And here's the key. Here's the stick. The key is that we treat everybody. I've never in my life walked into a room and thought that anybody in the room was less than me. I never in my life walked into a room and thought that I was better than anybody else. Ever. That means when I walk into a room of women that are divorced, I'm not thinking, "Oh, what she do wrong?" I'm thinking she's very likely holier than me. I walk into a room of people that are not well, I'm not asking why did I send do it? I'm thinking wow, look at the this person has even when they're sick. Look this person might be greater than me. And when that's your attitude that we are all the same, that is the most powerful stick in the world. Because you take and you say, you know what? We are together. Hashem made a baby live this way. Hashem said baby you're going to save people your whole life. Your whole life you're going to save the nation ago complaining in the desert. You're going to save the people, you're going to save the people, you're going to save the people. But you know how you're going to be able to save the people? By you when you were born being saved yourself. So every time you save someone else you know you're no better than them. Because you once needed to be saved just the same. The beauty of it is that it treats total strangers as if we're all the same. The house looks as beautiful as their own personal living rooms. We treat people about it treats people with the same love that they treat their neighbor and they treat their sister. They don't just feel welcome. They feel respected. They feel important. The apartment is the stick, but it's the vibe that was in that's within the stick is that what gives it all its power. The vibe that you never know, I might need an apartment one day just like you do. I said to room full of girls that wanted to be married 10 years earlier. I said you need to know one thing, nobody's better than you. Nobody's better than you. You see your friend she got engaged. Tell her to relax. One guy likes her. Take it easy. It's true. Some people get engaged, they walk around like they're from the better people in society today because they were engaged. Take a chill. Let's see how you feel in 2 years about your engagement. Take it easy. The single girl might be luckier than you. I don't mean it, but I do. Who do you ever see people walk into a room act like I'm the lucky people. That vibe is what leadership looks like. That vibe is the best way to give. I'll give you a story. I'll give you an example of what I mean. In every speech I've ever given in my life, I try for that message to come across. Every interaction. And sometimes people will come, they'll ask me for a barakah. A part of me wants to say, "I don't have time to give you a barakah." Another part is this a joke? I'm not worthy of giving you a barakah. But both are the wrong response. The right response is, "We're in it together. I can give you words of encouragement. I might need your encouragement tomorrow, so of course I'll give you encouragement today." Let me give you an example of what I mean. Let me tell you a real story. So, just so you understand, my shul in Brooklyn is 20-minute walk from my house. The shul is on McDonald between S and T, and my house is on East 12th between O and P. Anyhow, one Shabbat this year in January, I forgot my son in shul. True story. A little boy, my youngest, Moshe. He's 11. He's a little guy. He's taller now, but I left him in shul. So, you want to know when I remembered, right? You want to know. So, I walked to Avenue S to East 1st, East 2nd, East 3rd, East 4th, 5th, Ocean Parkway. East Eighth, Ninth, 10th. Coney Island Avenue. Kings Highway. Quentin. R, Kings Highway, Quentin, P. E 12th. Walked up the steps of my house. Went in my house to the second floor. Went into my room. Took off my shoes. Sat on a couch in my room, was having a conversation with my wife. And one of my daughters peeks her head into the room, she says, "Dad." I said, "What?" I'm I said, "I'm talking to Mommy now. Like, I can't talk to you." She's like, "Dad." I said, "What do you want?" She's like, "Dad, you left Moshe in shul." I said, "I what?" She says, "He's not home." "You left Moshe in shul." I'm like, "You got to be kidding me." Now, you want to know how special my wife is? What would you say if your husband left your son in shul 20 minutes away? I'll tell you what I would have said to her. "Are you kidding me? You got one job, one kid to bring home." You know what she said? What my wife said to me, "Joey, do you want me to go get him?" And don't worry, I'm a good guy. You know what I said back to her. I said, "No, it's okay. I'll come with you." So, we went downstairs, and sure enough, there's our shul member, you know, Leon Freway. He lives next door to the shul. He walked my son all the way home. My son came into the house. And then went into my room, closed the door. He said, "Dad, I'm not talking to you again." And he really didn't want to talk to me all day. He was so upset. And you know what I did on that Wednesday? I shared the story on a class that could be listened anywhere around the world. And I told the whole story I left my son in shul and I got emails and I was expecting to get emails from people like what kind of rabbi are you? You to give you to speak about chinuch and you leave your kid in shul? You're going to open a school you're going to leave all the kids in shul. Instead, you know what I got? I got emails from people. One person sent me an email, "Rabbi, I also left my kid in shul." Another one said, "Rabbi, I once left my kid in a mall." Someone else said, "Rabbi, I once left my kid in the park." Someone else said, "I once left my kid in the car then I remembered quickly." You know what I realize? The whole Jewish world are all leaving their kid places. You know why I shared the story? Because I am just like you. We're the same. When they open the door of Habayit and a family from Mexico or Eilat, a family from Yerushalayim or LA, a family from Chicago or France opens that door, they feel like they're coming home. They feel like they're being treated the same. This is the key to interact with people. It's a very simple key. Treat everybody like they're the same. Don't feel bad for people. No one wants to feel be felt bad for. And don't uh act you're above people. We're the same. You're not more religious, you're not more wealthy, you're not taller, you're not better looking, you're not luckier, you're not more blessed, you don't have a bigger house, you don't have a smarter husband, you don't have a more successful business, you don't have holier kids, you don't have luckier kids, you are not better than anybody else. We are the same. And you might say that's simple, but it's hard to do. Because it's so easy to look at somebody who doesn't have what you have and say, "Okay, I fake smile." You could keep your fake smile. I need the vibe. We're in this together. And I went on the trip, I never had spoke to an audience like this. I went on a two-day trip with people that don't have children. I was scared stiff. Ladies scared. What am I going to say? The keynote speaker, what am I going to say? The whole time I was on quest buses, Q&As. Tell you the truth, I had no idea what to say. I just said, "I know what my vibe is going to be. We're in this together. I'm not going to tell you some segulah that I know that you don't. I'm not going to tell you how if you're just a little better, you'll get lucky, too. We're the same. End of the trip, someone said to me, "Rabbi, I can't believe how you connected with us." Simple thing, we're the same. That's the vibe that you have when you walk into a house of a bite. You feel respected. You feel included. I'll share with you another story. Well, another thought and another story and we'll conclude. Thank you very much, by the way. I cannot believe you're here. I don't know what the temperature is. We're just going to go with 64°. Everybody's got the card. I think that card is supposed to be you're supposed to like give money or something, but it's okay. Use it. It's a fan. Um and the work that you do, Elliot, Mrs. Shamma, the work that you guys do to do this and all those that are involved, the names I didn't include. It's so beautiful and it's something that as a community we're so proud of that we can do things like this. And I'll give you the tell you the truth. I'll tell you what I mean. What? You also left your son in shul? Did he come out okay? Yes, he's all right? He's okay, he's healthy, he's happy. He has three kids already. Okay, I hope he doesn't learn from his father. We all We all have these moments. It's just We're all human. I just now, leaving, I just gave my women's class in the shul. And I was leaving the class and people come over to talk and I'm trying to be respectful to each person. Then at the end, the rabbi comes from Brazil. And and And I know I'm late or I'm about to come here and I need to think over what I'm going to say and I said, "But here's a man from Brazil. He wants to meet me." His wife listens to the classes. He gives me And then And then I gave him the time and he said, "I want to show you the institution I'm involved in." I gave him the time. And you know what's beautiful? At the end, he says, "Rabbi, I want to tell you what is so special about you." And he told me two themes that are in my speeches, orphan. Two things that he thinks I do. I said, "Wow, look." I thought I was helping him. But at the time I walked out, he helped me. There's a Gemara that is to me one of the most haunting Gemaras there are. The Gemara writes, Gemara asks a question, "Why is it that the children of talmidei chachamim are not always talmidei chachamim like their fathers?" That's a scary question. Why is it sometimes that the son of rabbis are not as holy as their father, the rabbi? And the Gemara has a number of answers, but I'm going to give you one and other answers are literally all captured in this one. Mishum dikaru linshi chamri, because sometimes the rabbi calls people a chamor. What does that mean? The rabbi's in a position of power. And sometimes the rabbi could be condescending. I don't need you. I don't want you. I can't talk to you. And there are times that you can't talk to the person. But how does it come across? Cuz I want to tell you a little secret about people. The secret is most people have a little broken inside. Most people have a little something inside of them that they they need that feeling. They feel vulnerable. I'll give you what I think is an incredible example. It's not such a I don't know if I should be telling a story about this kind of person, but it makes the point. This Shabbat in our shul we had a rabbi from Memphis, Tennessee. And he said, "Rabbi, I got to tell you a story." He says there was a Jewish couple in Memphis in the 1950s and 60s. And they took in a boy who was not from the Jewish community. He wasn't Jewish. And this boy had fell on hard times. And they were nice to the boy. And they took care of the boy. They gave him food to eat. The boy was a good guitar player. And the boy started playing in clubs. And eventually the boy became the number one non-Jewish singer of all time. You know his name? You know his name? What? No. From Memphis, Tennessee. There you go. So, you heard of this man? He has peyots. You got it. This man many times when he sang on stages would have a high necklace on him or a Jewish star because of how much he loved the Jews. In 1973, the Hebrew Academy of Memphis, Tennessee was in difficult straits and they were going to close. They were going to close. The Jewish people in charge of this school went to this man I just told you and they asked him for help. He wrote a check in 1973 for $300,000 to keep the Hebrew Academy of Memphis open. To this day, the Yeshiva's open because that man that man gave a donation. They wanted to honor him, but I guess they never got a chance. He had already left the building, but that's what they did. In Graceland, there's actually a plaque that says the Hebrew Academy of Memphis, Tennessee wants to thank Mr. Presley for all that he did cuz he saved our Yeshiva. He was probably a good-hearted person. He liked Jews. You know what else I could tell you about this person? He was dead by 42. Why would a man so famous so wealthy, so popular be dead at 42? The answer is, ladies, because everybody's a little broken inside. Everybody has a little need. No one wants to feel less than. Hashem told Moshe Rabbeinu, "I'm going to give you a great stick. Use that stick for another, but it's not just what you give to another. It's how you give it to another. When you share the stick, don't share the stick as my shuy, as if you were once saved. Share the stick as a reminder that as you're saving other people throughout your life, remember that you needed to be saved, too. So, there's really no difference between me and you. So, any room you walk into, any person you speak to, whether they're a person in need or they're a person that feels like they have no need in the world, I don't care who that that person is, every single person is a little broken inside. They don't want to be admired, and they don't want to be looked down upon. All they want from you is to feel like they are the same. And that's what Habaia does. Thank you.