Dr. Mark Rutenberg - How To Connect To Your Spouse

so I'll try to be brief um and uh one thing I guarantee you whenever I speak I try to say something like at the end of this 10 minutes you learn something you didn't know before that's what I always try to achieve something you know if you listen to a GU speak I knew that already the only thing we didn't know um the Yum Kipper is coming up and we're going to be involved in something called VI which is a confession so the rambam and others say that how do we learn this concept of VI of confession we learned it actually from a pous naso p naso deals with what happens with Jew steals from another Jew or if he steals from a a gar so it says a man or a woman a person who does any of the man so he has his his NE has become um damaged it's sin there's there's something there's there's a defect in the Nish what does he do then so what does this person do he stole he stole from some and what does he have to do he has to return it he has to pay a 20% penalty he has to do something else he has to confess his sin he has the return of fifth more it goes into what happens if he stole from a from a person who has no relatives so the person died the person he stole it from died he gives it to the relatives what if person has no relatives no relatives at all then he gives it to the um then he gives it to the coin now who has no relatives everyone's got some relatives um AAR technically has no relatives because when he's becomes a Jew he feels like a newborn baby he's not really related in know Al sense he's related in emotional sense he's not related in a legal sense to the to the other people he used to be in a family with so F you you steal from someone you pay them the money you pay them the 20% and you have to confess to God if you haven't done that you haven't repaired the damage so what does the confession accomplish and the ran learns the the mitah of V which you going to do a bunch of times in Kipper right this M um from this person explains that the if if a gentile comes to you and asks you how should I pray I want to pray I don't believe all the stuff they taught me in church what should I pray what you should tell them is El God the you put in me is that's there's a it's in the beginning of our don't just say that that that whole paragraph and what are you saying the Nish you put in me is pure you wake up in the morning and you say that it has no difference what you did yesterday you could have been the biggest biggest most terrible person on doesn't make a difference your Nisha is undamaged cannot be damaged the Nish canot be damaged why I was a kid I was into minerology and when you study minerology let's say you have a mineral this is a mineral this is what what is this tap record you taping it let's say this is a mineral right so I'm not sure what this is I don't know if it's I don't know if it's a a sapphire or a garnet I don't know what it is right there's something called a hardness scale goes from zero to 10 1 to 10 tal the softest mineral is one everything Cuts talc diamond is 10 nothing Cuts Diamond except another Diamond so if I have something and I I think it's I don't know I think maybe it's a garnet right a garnet let's say is a six how do I know that I see does it cut things that are a five and does things that are a seven cut it right that's how I know what it is it's a way of identifying minerals if you're not sure the Nish is not from this world it's a piece of God you saw those pictures in Syria the people with gas terrible pictures right it hurts to see that hurts why is it hurt why is it hurt more than seeing cows or trees or forest fire you know why it hurts there's a piece of God in a human being someone may claim claim to be an atheist I don't believe in God I don't believe in any of this stuff I don't know why you guys do went through those lectures of B I don't believe anything but he feels that another person's life is somehow special if he really doesn't believe in God you're nothing but the what did Doki say if there's nothing if you don't believe in God there's nothing but CTO right nothing but potatoes right nothing but nothing but potatoes um because really there's no difference a human being if all is is chemicals so I like those chemicals more than these chemicals but all he is is chemical what's the big deal if you murder someone we feel it is a big deal why do we feel it's a big deal because there's something special about a person what's special that's what's special there's something there's a Divine spark there's a n in each person it's not from this world there's something in you that's not from this world and that's why it cannot be damaged just like nothing can cut a diamond there's nothing in this world that can cut Nish can never be harm only human beings have aish Jews and Gentiles they both have aish men and women both have aish different the Nish of a man is a little different than of a woman of a coin was a little different than the of of a Le is I'm not harm by going to the cemetery by marrying a divorce a CO is Right a Jew and a gentile little different theas we both have little different theas but all of us have a piece of God an animal doesn't have a the sh but an animal is different than a rock an animal has a neish okay what's a neish a neish is feelings Consciousness okay feelings you can't killing an animal is not a problem if you need to kill an animal you kill the animal you want a Coke you want a steak you want shoes go kill the animal no problem no problem but you can't make it suffer you can't give it pain right why the animal doesn't have a Thea so if you kill it there's no piece of God in there you haven't you haven't taken a piece of God and taken it from the Earth but it has feelings and you can't you can't you can't cause it pain we have a neish and an we have both we have feelings now you can't hurt the Nish but can you hurt somebody's feelings you bet you can certainly hurt the neish the nurish can get all kinds of damage this is this is damage when you steal from someone you do a what happens your n is not harmed Nish is right there piece of God can't be harmed but your neish can be harmed your feelings can get hurt when a person does a head he's hurting himself he's damaging himself yeah he may be damaging the guy stole from can be damaging other things but he's hurting himself okay so a person and an animal not every animal has a net fish okay dog has a netfish cow has a Nish frog doesn't a fish doesn't you think a fish has feelings it's all reflexive if I clap my hands in front of your eyes you'll blink you put a worm in front of a fish fish isn't there scratching his beard so that's an interesting worm no a fish sees a worm he goes for a worm it's all reflex an animal like a dog or a cat has feelings has Consciousness a fish doesn't so you can kill a fish any way you want they throw it in the boat hit it on the head can't do that to an animal a way to know whether an animal has a neish or not as if his blood is traed okay so fish blood is meaningless Adam neish the blood is in the neish now you have this Nish that's part of God and you have this neish that's even animal have we have it can get harmed it can be damaged it can hurt someone's feelings for life right how do the how does one affect the other how does the ne H how can you repair the neish so there's something in between called the ru the ru literally means Spirit when voice comes from that speech comes from that song comes from that music comes from that the r connects the with the ne imagine three rings there's a beer company had a ring and a ring and another ring the bottom of the Nish is the top of the ru the and the bottom of the ru is the top of the nefes okay the ru speech heals the neish Torah is very much B we spend the two countries in the world have the highest cell phone usage per capita in the world in the world what are those two countries Israel's one and finland's the other why Finland because this they gave cell phones to kids when they were 2 years old in fin that's where they they first made cell phones working in F noia was like the first cell phone network so everybody in Finland had a cell phone and Israel why Israel Jews talk a lot why do they talk a lot we have a power we talk because we have a power for the to heal the neish we spend a lot of time in SCH daving speaking T you speak the Torah you go to sh you speak you don't just read it you speak it why do you speak it because speech is a way for your to affect your neish okay so so the person who M person who confesses that he stole something what he's doing is his I stole something what's the my neish is being healed by my admission of that to God to the other person you heal your neish that way an animal cannot do that if an animal walks into a walks into a room a dog walks around the room sees a cat what's the dog going to do cat right let's say you walk into a room and you see someone you really don't like someone who really ticked you off really hurt your feelings you want to go ah like the dog wants to go to the cat but you don't what do you do you say listen scho you're going to be out of here in 10 minutes there's no point fighting with this guy calm down he's not important you're bigger than that what did you just do you're Nish spoke to your neish your neish wanted to go kill him but your Nish spoke you spoke to yourself speech can do that speech the ru connects the with the this is how so many things work the Torah is tomima it's whole by speaking it by learning it we Mish we heal we heal the neph and it works between people your wife is upset what does she really want she wants you to give her a kind word it'll be okay I care about you marriage allows oneish to connect with another Nish the closest thing we have in this world to God you see religious people who don't treat each other well they're not religious somebody says to me I saw this religious Jew he stole this and to that who says he religious who makes Mak nothing religious matter the closest thing we have in this world to God is each other is each other the Nish of another person okay the the sh of another person I was reading that every one of the Apollo 13 and 11 and 12 astronauts became religious people they weren't many of them were not you go through space it's dark it's cold it's sterile the Moon is sterile you want to do surgery without washing your hands boo it on the moon sterile no bacteria no nothing same thing with Mars sterile space is sterile black cold as death okay a warm day on Mars warm day on an Artica there's a cold day on Mars it's it's it's it's really cold and it's dead the whole universe seems to be dead and there's this little boom ball floating in space little blue ball floating in space you get a little closer to it's blue it's green it's just little tiny blue ball and then you land on it how can not believe in God now imagine you landed on this little blue ball and there were no people just vegetation animals whatever and you are exploring this Earth and there not one other human being and then after exploring this planet for days weeks months you find another person how do you feel another person a person you know why because we are attracted and connected to each other because we are attracted and connected to Hashem in the other person marriage gives us an opportunity an opportunity it takes work takes time for us to connect with another Nish and how do you connect through speech a kind word a thoughtful word this is how we heal ourselves and this is how we heal each other have a Good Year everybody got