EMETTalk - Rabbi Yaakov Musheyev

Please welcome Rabbi Yakov Mashe. [music] >> It's well known, ladies and gentlemen, that the Titanic did not have enough life jackets, enough lifeboats, and unfortunately, it's very sad, through poor planning and extreme arrogance, many, many, many people died who did not need to die. What's less known is when a person is crying inside but smiling on the [music] outside. One of the reasons why we don't realize when our spouses are crying on the inside but smiling on the outside or insulting on the outside but crying on the inside and using that as a defense mechanism is because we don't stop to ask. That's the truth. If we don't I want to explore a couple of reasons why it is that we don't stop to ask and hopefully through this we'll be able to delve into a deeper understanding of what's going on in our day-to-day lives and also unpackage a lot of what's going on in our society today. So, I want to unpackage the idea of a life jacket. One of the issues with wearing a life jacket while a person is drowning in the middle of the ocean after falling off of a boat that's sinking is that life jackets were built just [music] to save one person. You cannot, to the best of my knowledge, hang on to a life jacket that somebody else is wearing and expect the both of you to survive. It just won't work. What happens on a daily basis is that we go through trauma, stress, difficulty, but maybe because of our upbringing or maybe because of where we're from, the words trauma, stress, etc. are buried, thrown away, abolished, and guilted out of existence. There's no trauma. Kidding me? I'm a man. I don't need any any listening ear. Just keep going. Do what you need to do, and that's it. Put your head down and do what you need to do. Terrible idea. Speak it over with someone. There's a huge rabbi the katam sofur who said he lived hundreds of years ago and he said when it was very unpopular to say this he said if there's a worry in your heart share it with others obviously someone you trust. That way you'll be able to take your life jacket off cuz you're no longer treading water. You're no longer surviving. You're no longer in your sadness in your trauma. And then I'm able to go to my wife and say, "Tell me what's going on. I'm here for you." I'm able to go over to a student who's on campus and who's going through extreme difficulty either at home or from his professor or from other people on campus. And he's able to talk to me about it and feel understood, cared for, listened to. and respected. This is the quality that Mosherenu developed and worked hard to attain. Remember, he remembered growing up in his parents' house at the age of two [snorts] and then being drafted to Pharaoh's palace. Yes, it was a lavish life, but his parents weren't there. And he worked on himself and he became someone who took off his life jacket. It's not easy, but he did it. And therefore, he was able to go out and proactively feel the other person's pain and people felt that he was there for them. And then with the sheep, right, he finds a sheep that's thirsty. He can't relate to a sheep, but he could relate to a sheep on one plane, on one on one common denominator, which is sometimes I feel thirsty. How would I feel if I was that sheep and I needed someone to care for me? The sheep are very, very vulnerable. They need people to care for them. So, he lifts the sheep, carries them for miles to a water source, and he drinks. Unbelievable. Maybe we don't feel so connected to our spouses because it's hard for us to relate to a different gender, which is true. Not going to make [snorts] light of that. But if Moshe can compare himself to a sheep and say, "How would I feel if I was thirsty?" We can do the same for our spouse. [snorts] One last example, and my time is up. Thank you, everyone. >> [applause]