Rabbi YY Rubinstein - Does Hashem Really Send You Messages

I find airports very interesting places they've got all these flashing signs and strangely shaped vehicles and I always wonder you know how does the pilot know to turn left now how did he turn right just intrigues me anyway we got onto the runway and I noticed that painted on the side of the runway were three yellow parallel lines and as we started to pick up speed and move fast down the runway the three yellow lines became two yellow lines and I remember thinking himself oh what's that for look at that one of those only two and then I thought maybe that's to tell the pilot is should be lifting out the nose and taking off and the plane was shaking like crazy and I remember distinctly thinking I hope it's a very long runway anyway so eventually did take off and I looked at the window and in case you're interested African fields are a totally different color and different in different shaped American or European films and any thoughts of self what will I see when I get to dump in my I tell this story give this year what will it do and I thought about it for a bit 10 minutes and then I come out of my mind all that my little meditation and that was just getting dark but I looked up and there was no doubt that the African fields are totally different in every way and in a thought popped into my mind how come you can still see the fields what aren't the thirty thousand feet if thirty thousand feet you can't see the fields anymore and then our captain spoke to us again ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking there's nothing to worry about no I would like ladies I think you're all old enough for me to tell you some of the facts of life you see there are certain key professions that use key phrases now you should be alert to it for example your doctor says you may experience some discomfort it means that you're going to be writhing in agony if your dentist tells you I'll just be a few more seconds yeah you know that why me I okay I'm fine okay if your lawyer tells you it won't cost you much it means you're bankrupt and if your pilot tells you there's nothing to worry about it means that he thinks you're going to die and in this particular occasion what we had nothing to worry about was the fact that we'd lost the front wheels on takeoff and with my superior rabbinic brain I remember thinking oh that's okay we're up [Laughter] and then another voice folks it means like I had Rubenstein you yeah I could get down again yeah anyway so in fact we're not going to Durban because the pilot knew right immediately that we had we had lost the front wheels and we are just flying round and round and ran to use up fuel because you really don't want to be in a plane crash from is full of fuel and then the move does all from the front of the plane where I was situated to the back of the plane you mean you really want to get as many people away from the front of the plane when they it no longer has any front wheels and so they moved us into the back of the plane and and now I was sitting in an aisle seat and and then they prepare you for the crash landing and they teach you all the things you have to do then this is not the usual stuff you see me to get in a plane you know like tie tie in a double bow at the side but nobody has paid the slightest attention to in the history of aviation this stuff is serious the Mickey take off your shoes the Mickey take off your tie if you're wearing a tie and they make you take off your glasses if you're wearing glasses then you have to practice the brace of the crash position this is when you put your hands in your head and press your head as hard as you can into the seat in front of you so not only you're gonna die you're gonna get a sore back as well amen and then basically the there was a girl who was very upset across the aisle from me young woman over 20 21 because they made her take off her glasses and the stewardess you know let's taste your this anymore that's not politically correct the flight attendant s and she was I don't know political greatness okay she must though she was trying to come this girl down she was looking very upset and which you've calmed her down she then turned to me and she said in her South African accent did you see variable 30 Gleason sir did you get that did you good yeah can't you see very well without your glasses sir now ladies I'd like you to consider that question for just a second can't you see very well without your glasses my glasses it's just my nose feels naked without something sitting on it I said no not very long she said can you see the armrest of the seat in front of you and I said yes good can you touch it for me I touched the armrest she said great when we crash notice the use of the word when not if when we crash I'd like you to find your way to the exits holding on to the arm risks and I said and I said thank you and and off you went and I took out my glasses and put them on because if I'm gonna die I want to see it happen anyway so as though basically I mean this is the funny version actually a time I didn't find it very funny at all and it was the month of Elul what's the month of ll lead-up to Rosh Hashanah was Rosh Hashanah also called the young something the day of Dean the day of judgment and one of our three Lords one of our prayers that we say when it comes to Rosh Hashanah is a sham I'm supposed to apologizing for all the things I've done wrong but to tell me the truth they are so many even remember them we'll have to tell you when you think you're going to die and I really did think I was going to die you know precisely and exactly where your flaws lie and what you should have been working on are the things that you did wrong in my case there were five only five which I tried to explain to him that if he got me out of this in one piece I would do my very best to put right I had the time to little girls aged four and seven and I must admit I got a little bit bubbly the thought of them growing up not knowing who the daddy was and first law of course I said Chema she was supposed to do before you pass away I'm in this video II that's confessing all your sins and because I knew exactly my five big flaws I said to him you know if you if you get me out this I'll try my best to work on them I think I managed three still working in another two and it was a funny thing but when I actually said shimmer and I don't know if you've ever been with somebody who's passed away as a rabbi i have sadly done that many times including with my late wife alehsalaam but when somebody says shimmer they're ready to die and it sounds a bit strange but they're content to die however I did want to our explained to him that it would be a very good idea to make me survive this if nothing else to make a good story for speaking to other girls were met one day and that was that anyway we started to come in for the crash landing it that incidentally makes no difference at all whether you wear glasses you don't wear glasses because they switch off every single light inside the cabin and these little lights in the carpet and we knew we were coming down the engine noises change and then lights came on and then outside there was flashing red lights because we had ambulances and fire trucks just waiting to rush alongside us and and then the captain Sheridan brace brace brace and the steward hid there there are some things you don't have to be told twice right so we all get into the brace position and we came down with quite a bump and how they captain managed to keep this plane without any front wheels on the on the the runway I do not know but anyway becomes a very abrupt halt and the seat belts are like dug into your tummy and then then the escape slide come up and try again gallop unit [Laughter] the endureth you can go through your whole life and not realize exactly who and what you are unless you find some sort of dramatic circumstances and they need to discover the real you but who wants dramatic circumstances yeah good good no me either one plane crash was enough there was a famous rabbi and he was called rabbi Shah Mardan vashaun shrugged Ron he was one of these rabbis who was all run the world is huge Tomica calm he lived in New Rochelle I'm and in a big long white beard and he used to travel all around the world speaking and inspiring people if she thought it cetera the biggest reward Lakewood and places and the one day he was walking down the street in Yerushalayim and there was an old Yiddish babushka who was standing outside her apartment and he was famous I think this famous saintly gentleman coming towards and as he approached her she gave a little modest sneer stick Nord in his direction and he gave a little nod back in her direction and he started to walk on and at the end of the street there was a bunch of little boys doing what little boys do best which is dangerous stuff and they're walking along a wall is that was a tight room and one little boys lost his balance and fell with a club onto the sidewalk below and the old Yiddish ababa saw that it was her grandson so she went and she started to run as fast as she could towards her grandson and the famous Sadek the famous rabbi sean/sharan said in Yiddish dying in this dying image don't worry don't worry zazen good solves ain't good I'll be fine it'll be fine but I should get nearer the little boy she realized that her old eyes had betrayed her it her grandson at all it was his grandson so she said he's missed my miracle if by miracle got my grandson yunsun and the great psychic said and he started to run down the road know what happened to die ghanoush diagnosed don't worry don't worry saw saying consults I could have what will be okay okay okay you've asked what you think you think but when you find yourself in the dramatic circumstances all this Jewish stuff that you think you rabbi Rubenstein rabbi shrugged wrong robber whoever is that you've made part of you you discover mmm-hmm maybe not after all and then of course it's a problem because how well do you know yourself all of us we are born as we all know with a unique personality the Talmud says no two faces are the same even identical twins I used to teach identical twins to girls absolutely brilliant by the way in a place called Liverpool in England and these two girls were total geniuses and and they were so identical that their father couldn't tell the difference the mother could but the father couldn't so if the mother could there must have been a difference even identical twins are not identical them similar something very very similar but no two phases are the same because no two Jews no two human beings are the same who you are there's never been somebody like you in the planets before normal that ever be somebody quite like you in the planet ever again you're very very unique and our jobs here is I think we got we all know is to take our uniqueness and to take the pluses that we have the positives we have to refine them and to make them better and to take the negatives that we have five in my case and to you know try and diminish them or get rid of them all together so that's the job all you've got to do is to therefore know who you are and we know who you are then you can polish yourself yourself a diamond and everything is going to be fabulous hunky-dory but how easy is it to know who you are how easy is it to discover yourself no nobody sees themselves clearly do we think of the last time you had an argument with somebody and fell out with somebody who is right and who was wrong well you were right right yeah or you go to a family's in the car and there is the whole family group photograph 60 people there captain McCullough something like that and you're standing you the picture ticket a man you know two weeks later out comes the photo album and somebody shows you the photo album you turn to this picture who do you look for first because we're completely absorbed in ourselves and because we see ourselves you know as the most important thing on the planet that we don't get to see ourselves objectively clearly but if you can't see yourself clearly how can you discover your strengths and how to maximize them and your weaknesses and what they are and how to get rid of them big problem now so if you wanted to get advice about who and what you are I think we can assume that you are the worst person to give yourself advice about yourself would we agree yes Nord enthusiastically if you agree throw things out maybe you disagree oh good nobody threw things out I'm assuming you agree okay whoo that makes worse person to give you advice over yourself mmm-hmm no good your parents your parents do you know why because just like you are very very biased in your favor so is your mother and father be is something that is a big mistake in life trying to tell any parent something wrong about their children please make sure you're very far apart from them when you do all there's a good chance that they may express their displeasure with your your piece of information about their kid by punching you in the nose well ladies pretty good you get the point okay so your parents are often too close to be able to see you objectively and even if they did the problem is that we very seldom listen to her parents anyway this is the next worst person to give you advice hmm your friend your friend of course your friend why because your friend is there for you isn't she here's a conversation you will never hear between two teenage girls I'm so upset do you know what you said about me she said I'm the most selfish self-centered person she's ever seen in their entire life and your best friend says well that's never gonna happen right for a very simple reason you think about me right so let me tell you what I've been thinking about you keeping quiet and the fans of the friendship right so you can never actually come and see yourself an amazing thing but if I can't see myself I can improve myself if I don't know myself I don't know my potential I don't know my pluses and I don't know my - one of the most famous stories in the whole of our Bible the whole snark is when the Prophet Shmuel who was so great he was considered the equivalent of Masha and Aran together combined that the professional was sent by a Shem to anoint a new king Saul hemella had made a mistake Hashem says to Shmuel I have finished with him it's time to find a new king and I can tell you where you'll find the ideal candidate the greatest rabbi of the generation is called Yishai and he's got sons amongst his sons you'll find the perfect candidate for the king what was that fellow's name David okay but did he show David no it's a famous story so along comes along commercial he says - you shine a sham has told me that one of your son's is gonna be the next Jewish King you just said why so come on sons and they're all lined up they're all big tall guys Dover to Melek was a small guy they're all dark dark-haired dark-skinned he had red hair and blue eyes no I think right here is actually very nice um other I dye mine white so people take me seriously as a rabbi um but anyway so they're all standing there and when Shmuel Hanavi sees this great big firstborn son was called le off he misled that's it that's the new Jewish King and Hashem said to him oh no people only look at the outside I look at the inside and he's no good has anybody any idea what was wrong with le of king david's oldest brother and made him no good he had a character flaw what I mean the character flaw most no that's a good that's a good gas temper he had a temper but listen carefully ladies where did we see his temper he had not yet shown it you know not yet displayed it comes later and one that may be the second most famous story in the whole of the of our Tanakh and that is when there's a fellow called Goliath Goliath member when David fights coleus they were cousins is the story we read in Sherwood when Ruth wants to become Jewish and her sister Ivy heard of Oprah Winfrey do a real name is Orpah all right she was she was named by parents after the character in the Bible who didn't come to it okay the wheat area so all focus back to her people the Moabites and her great our grandson is a guy called Goliath big guy and recently a grandson is called Dobbin ditch okay and when there is a battle about to start Philistines in one side Jews on the other for three days the Philistines set out their secret weapon this guy 18 feet tall big guy armor the guys are walking tank right and he spends three days say come on send me out your champion that was very common and made the evil would send out their best fighter and and if he wins well that would SATs at second see the SAP the morale thank you Oh opposite and nobody what unsurprisingly nobody wanted to do this right big guy and no but none of the Jewish guys are volunteering along comes David shrimp and he says are you gonna let him insult us he's insulting the Jewish people he's insulting God are you crazy get him nobody wants to go of course he went and I was an interesting story but when his brother when ilium saw this he turned around and he said what are you doing here this is a very dangerous place you're just a kid you're gonna get stuff killed not your job to be here you're not a soldier down here did he do anything wrong no of course he said he's the oldest brother right if anybody doing law here do you know anybody know the phrase how good your Latin in loco parentis it's a legal concept it literally means in the place of a parent the teacher in the school has the responsibility towards your child to look after him or heard the same way as the parent would that's the rule that they they occupy now if the father's not there and you're they near the oldest brother or the older sister of course I would expect you to look after your kid brother so he isn't a dangerous place and he isn't a soldier so he says he shouts at him he says what you do yet so what's he done wrong well nothing really but when he shouted at him which was the right thing to do but there was actual temper there actual anger and if you can't control your temper even a little bit it slips up you cannot be the king of the Jewish people and then there's a whole story you cannot get anybody else and I was dogging him Dovid that's the whole story but here's the question if only off has not lost his temper yet if Shmuel the prophet who is the equivalent of motion aren't together can't see it if ish I his father is the greatest robbed by the generation can't see it how could he see it if he can't if we don't know ourselves how can we improve ourselves how can we work on it so I'm gonna tell you the answer that's under called rabbi Destler says and I'm glad you're all sitting down because you're not going to lightness at all he says he want to know who and what you really are like leaving aside a plane crash which we don't want to volunteer for simply ask yourself when sometimes you get crazy offensive obscene horrible thoughts that pop into your mind and when they pop into your mind you're so offended by them you're so upset by them revolted by them you want a picture straight and you say why did that come from it came from inside you came from you arguing example I grew up as I mentioned before in a place called Scotland and I am an only child I have no siblings I prefer to think of myself as unique and and as a consequence of being an only child I was very close to my mother and my mother used to think every Sunday to see our auntie Sarah Sadie we would have tea because this was the UK not coffee oh and I was even a metre seven or eight and your parents take you places you're bored out your mind and they used to take us in and it was every week so they sit down in it they schmooze little bit and then after ten minutes I'd be Sadie would say would you like some tea in a Scottish accent and my mother say yes can she go into the kitchen and she be busy in there for about five minutes and out she come with the train on the train with a pot of tea and there was a little different milk sugar and biscuits not cookies biscuits how'd you come in and she would put it down and they would drink tea and then they would talk adult talk which I didn't understand you know stuff that's happening utterly boring I have to tell you every time she passed with that train I had the most overwhelming arch do jump up and go yeah you do we are good thing to be crazy thoughts come into your mind no this was so bad I remember once sitting in my hands I was terrified I was actually going to do it and you think where did that come from I mean answers a came inside for you it's from you and Rabbi Destler writes an incredibly interesting story rabbi desta was one of the greats of the 20th century when you think of the greatest Jewish thinkers ribboning thinkers of the 20th century you think primarily I think of rabbi Destler and maybe of Shama Bulba and there's something called rub you're welcome great great mind and he tells the story but once one of his tongue medium three guy came to see him another way he writes the story the guy had had waited a long time to have a child now if you've know anybody who's married has been through this I mean obviously the one most exciting the most exciting moment of your entire life is when you have a child I remember when my late wife and I had our first child and it was but we're so happily married but compared to a child arriving in our lives it's almost as though the light was dull and suddenly the whole house was was bright and light but if somebody has waited a long time and struggled to have a child then it become one the bit when they actually get a child at the end whoa the excitement is unbelievable and he had a baby boy and the wait rabbi Destler writes it his love his pride and his little boy was like well when he came to grab my destiny because sometimes when he was minding his own business but suddenly a thought would pop into his mind about the little boy that he loved so much kill him kill him and this is a come this is a rabbi they came through by des than he told him anyway obviously very upset he wanted to know where did that thought come from so rabid s the smiled and he said him and I imagine that your little boy sometimes wakes you up in the middle of the night no babies do that right or maybe your little boy that you love so much sometimes disrupts your schedule and your plans in other ways too does that ever happen to you well of course it does so he said well you're me dad and allured me da means your character trait of anarchy of I of ego which we all have is the most powerful thing in a human being think of the most common words and the vocabulary of a little child I me my mine that's the way we start off and then we grow older hopefully with our interaction with our siblings and with our parents their education they give us the values the givers our school our fuel Arab anima etc the Rebbetzin and so on and so forth wheeze turn our eyes into we and then my into our but it's a long journey getting rid of your eye or diminishing your eye you said your eye but sure your sense of I which you have not yet worked on at the subconscious level plays its part it tells you anybody who gets in my way doesn't deserve to live now if that strikes you is an enormous contradiction to the father who passionately loves and is proud of his little boy well by desolate rights how good your Hebrew yesh Macomb believe ish like a Mysterio who can translate that from yesh Macomb there is a space a lavish like a master on many steroids contradictions many contradictions many contradictions are you with me so far if you understand this your understand one of the most famous stories in the whole of the Torah which makes no sense at all it's a story about Abram and Sarah and as we all know when it came to Navi root being a prophet who is the greater Navi Abram a Sarah Sarah okay so if you remember she's 19 and along come a couple of mala team couple of angels and they say it's a drum Sarah's gonna be baby and sorrow overhears this and she laughs and a shame sister Avram why does Sarah laugh and sorry here's this and she said I didn't laugh that was strike you stranger look I remember when I was a and growing up in Scotland we didn't have a Jewish two girls in Glasgow so you had to go to a non-jewish school and I have to tell you that I hope I mean I know it's different boys and girls whether in school but did you ever have trainee teachers that came to teach you in elementary school can you have that I called trainee teachers student teachers like you're still teachers right thank you so basically what happens is your own teacher goes away for a week and she goes or he gets a lot of break and then in comes this new teacher a he or she and they teach for a week we love them oh we love them there you could have such problem with these people and there was this strange mysterious figure the girls came in in twos and it was this person used to go to the back of the classroom and just sat there taking nobody explained who this was well is that person it was only when I trained to become a teacher myself I realized this is a tutor from University who's there to assess your your lesson anyway always imagine the following scenario young teacher inexperienced and he turns around to write something on I'm old enough to remember was a blackboard can you imagine whiteboard ha I don't know there's all that electronic and stuff anything starts the right stuff and as soon as he turned round one of the boys makes an inappropriate sound right so the teacher mosques around I said what we made that noise and all he sees is 25 angelic faces smiling up at him so then he makes his next mistake he says what until the boy who made that noise owns up we're not going on with the lesson minding me horrible but this is fun right so he's looking nobody then inspiration he turns to me and says Rubinstein did you make that noise wha no I say the boy next to me because for some reason he thinks it's me : dad Rubinstein make that noise and come knowing that I'll beat him up because boys are like that aces I didn't hear annoys sir now what's he going to do he the phrases he's painted himself into a corner he is nowhere to go right and so of course boys watching us enjoying every moment okay no but what's he going to do but wait imagine that the teacher is God touch him and he says Rubinstein did you make that noise and it's a shame what I'm gonna say no it's a shame right there's a video camera on us all the time right so he knows a little bit you know slipped out so here is a shame he says to Sora why do you laugh genuine laugh and she's a greater prophet than a Burma's who's she kidding who should kidding Sarah by desta says that's what women say in the forum she didn't know she laughed she loved some laughed subconsciously and therefore when a sham says I know you did love he's telling or something she didn't know don't laugh at load she don't think was ridiculous but there was a bit at her at the subconscious level that actually did love is tell me you've got some work still to do on your so to maximize who and what you are so who are you let's go back to where we started who are you who are you really and the potential which you have which we have is very often denied to us by other people who will tell us that we don't have potential and or as so often my teachers used to say to me you're a waste of space if you think oh this was back in the school I went to they hit you with a leather strap on the hands of you misbehaved that was good really good but naturally it's not you know that famous phrase in English sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me not true and I can remember to this day things that people said to me when I was a little kid and I bet you can as well when you were a little girl people say things to you and hurt you were seeing you know sometimes he's on a tree somebody's carved a heart you know David and Sarah or something like that and it's sort of like it's got widened because it'd be carved in the tree when the tree was young but as a sapling but if the tree grew so did the carving the cutting and very often what cuts us when we are young and tender and vulnerable as we grow it gets wider and deeper just like on a train and it could well be the case that you are told all sorts of terrible things but you are a waste of space and you're hopeless and you're useless and the very strange thing is of you have you heard of something called Stockholm Syndrome Stockholm Syndrome is during the 70's when limit when terrorism became a major industry usually Palestinian terrorists they often took a group of people hostage often the retort room sometimes they would execute one or two or more of the hostages in front of the other hostages and then when Special Forces like Navy SEALs arrived to liberate the hostages the strange thing was that the people who were the hostages were protect in hiding the people were trying to kill them a few minutes ago and why it's called Stockholm Syndrome because you see if you can believe that maybe it's justified what's happening to you maybe it's fear what's happening to you maybe you are you know a capitalist American you know oppressor and also stuff and that's why it is happening then it will not hurt you so much but if you if it's not fear them not only is the horrible thing happening to you but as the outrageous unjust it's just not justified and that's what happens to his were kids as well because when people call you fatty or ugly or stupid or all the horrible names that kids so often give to other kids that itself Stockholm Syndrome kicks in is how we come to see ourselves we see ourselves as being ugly or fatty or stupid or whatever names the givers and the very interesting thing is the first thing you're supposed to say when you wake up in the morning who knows Priya called Modi Ani well the ending of an echo Mela chaotic I am yours I give thanks to God chuckles not diminish party you've given me my soul back again but hammer with it with pity robber in monitor : great is your Amana great is your faith which sounds a bit strange great is your faith aren't we supposed to faith in God I mean great is your faith who does he have faith in he is Nathan yeah the first thing the first words that Shane wants to cross your lips when you wake up in the morning is I have faith in you no matter what anybody else has ever said about you they don't know you as well as I do says god I made you I've observed every single thought you've ever had in your life your struggles your worries your insecurities I know the five things you have to put right and also the five great things that you're really really good at I've got faith in you no matter what anybody else has ever said to you that's carved a painful view of yourself into your consciousness Shem says I believe in you you know there's an amazing thing we stood at mine sign i am i because the torah and over 600,000 male jews and of course the other wife's and have children 600,000 is an interesting number does anybody know how many letters the are in the torah 600,000 according to the Zohar 600,000 according to the Talmud just slightly over half that 300-400 for they have three hundred four thousand I can't remember and some change now that's very strange because a big difference if somebody said to me tonight when you enter a met to speak to the girls how many girls were in the room so I haven't counted in fact you don't count Jews as you know but I would just by looking right about 50 there's somebody else in there was only 25 that's such a big difference somebody said obviously only about 40 okay but that's how it doesn't quite make sense so the answer is that they're both right you see the Hebrew letters are composites of other Hebrew letters aren't they a mem is a calf that's a calf with a verb friend it you get the idea that's a mem alarm it was a comfortable you'd on top of it if you break the letters down of the fee on three hundred four thousand then it comes to six hundred thousand maybe electric comes what happens if they are less from the sefer Torah is missing it is incomplete one letter broken or one letter missing means that none of the other letters work we can't read from that Torah we put the the tying on the outside it's an Ashkenazi one and we wait for it to be repaired if it can be repaired had one juban missing had one Jew a man or woman been missing when we got the Torah no other Jew would have gone to rot there has never been anyone who looks like you there never will be anybody who looks exactly like you there is no Jew in the war who has exactly been like you in your me dotes your character traits your personality normally it would be and we need every single one it's just that people tell you we don't need you you're waste of space sham says no it's not true oh there are things you have to work on the things we all have to work on you just have to make sure that you discover who and what you are and don't wait for a plane crash or something dramatic to find it that's probably a big mistake so how do you get out of this this vicious circle well I'll tell you brilliant story minimal finish and you know it says and whenever I travel all around the world I just came back from Las Vegas let me go to England soon and Israel I'm all over the place but whatever I speak I will say really basically they're the same thing if you want to succeed at anything at all you need a teacher does that make sense I play the guitar very badly and the reason I play the guitar very badly is because I taught myself so I don't hold the guitar properly the neck of the guitar is underneath it's flat there and then round there right you're supposed to put your thumb in the wrong bit and push it up so that your fingers cover a maximum area to make nice big long chords but most people hold out that way cuz it more comfortable that's where I hold it or if you've seen anybody played the keyboards if you see them holding their hands like that they taught themselves if they hold it like that they were taught because again same reason then you get maximum spread and anything you've ever learned with us mathematics whether it's physics whether it's chemistry whether it's music whether it's art whether it's ice-skating or skiing if you have a teacher you do it much much better because I've had a teacher I said well this is more come so why should I do that but I don't have a teacher so I've gotten to the habit of doing that which is very hard to break whatever the teacher says well you know because you'll get better chords that way oh and then it makes sense to me so any area of your life including if you're at colleges now if you want to succeed in your time in your subject then you need a teacher when the most and poor subject in your life is your life it doesn't make sense they VI teacher for to study how to do medicine or to do math or physics you should have a teacher to learn how to do you to maximize the potential you have and certainly how to root that's the pain that sometimes people have carved in you from when you were a little girl so that's why I says at the beginning of perky I bought I say look how rough give yourself a rabbi but as your woman notice it's in the Hebrew says I say Locka Locka Locka is the masculine it's a man's doctor man get yourself a rabbi the woman's version is get yourself a Rebbetzin get a mentor get a teacher something you know is good some do you can trust with a good reputation who is an authentic rabbi or Rebbetzin and let them help you to discover who you are and you can sure it share oh you're something you can trust that they will keep your confidence and you can share all your insecurities and all the pain and all the stuff that you were given at the beginning because you got to remember that a Shem who made you and knows you better than anybody else does he better than your husband when the husband comes along better than your parents you've already had that's in your siblings all that stuff he says when you wake up in the morning remind yourself I have faith in you [Applause] [Music]