Follow The Recipe: Why "50% Shabbos" Doesn't Work - Yaakov Shwekey & Rabbi Meyer Yedid

So this is the project Rabbi of Zamiro Shabbat. It's a book. It's music. It's bringing me back a lot of the older songs I grew up with Ashkanaz a lot of Ashkanaz a lot of even some and of course could I had everything in my home and I wanted to know coming from your perspective as a as a rabbi as a a person that's involved with a lot of the community what do you feel in terms of Shabbat of the community the Shabbat can look like at the table and you can go back even to your youth if you're comfortable with of how your Shabbat looked like and how uh you know what what do you take out of it? >> Right. So growing up as a little child in Aleppo, Syria, I was to be there till the age of nine. So looking back at the Shabbat, what I can remember, all I remember about Shabbat was the Shabbat table and the bet because that's really what Shabbat was. Friday night was a Shabbat meal. Then Shabbat morning before over there they used to pray early. There's no minan after seven o'clock. Seven was like the latest because they had already se they would eat at 10:00. That was Shabbat in the morning. That's that's what I remember. So that was in the morning. They prayed early 7 o'clock and we would wake up two hours before that to go to bakashot. They would sing. You have people sitting in the bedet early in the morning. People had their tea, their coffee, whatever it is and they're sitting down. Little children, older men. Hundreds of people come before and they would sing for an hour and a half, two hours. beautiful songs written by some of the holiest people and they sing together. They give out certain parts to each kid. You came into with a different uh different with a different feeling. Yes. And then came back to school. We had school, believe it or not. >> Shabbat. >> On Shabbat, we had school. We our regular rebi that taught us every day. We went to school for two hours on Shabbat. We continued >> went to a different Sunday went to the actual building the school building. So the school building was next to the so we learned in shul or in the school I don't remember exactly >> two hours >> two hours every Shabbat you continue school it's regular school and uh so Shabbat revolved around Shabbat table and it revolved around the betet it revolved around song and Torah and food that was it that was all of Shabbat >> and when you came you came at 9 years old you came to America >> I came at 9 old time America. Did it shock you the whole, >> you know, some different things going on here? Definitely a different world. But today, looking at what we have today, it's beautiful to see how the songs have come back. Obviously, there's also a lot of beautiful new songs. People love to be only in the past, but I encourage people to also get some new songs, whether it's the melodies that come from halab or they come from Europe. It makes no difference. At the end of the day, a Shabbat table is what you remember and what builds a family. Talking about the center of the home. I don't know what it's like in the goish homes, but in our homes, the place where everything is made is the Shabbat table. The Shabbat table is really what brings the family together. I think back to my family, my children, and think what is it that makes us a family. I have beautiful children and now grandchildren and I see so much beauty in them. And I think back, what is it that I did in my home that made us a family that made the respect of a child to his father, to his mother? When did that happen? When did our closeness take place? When did we develop? And the truth is it wasn't on Sunday. Wasn't on Monday. It wasn't on Tuesday. Of course, we were always together. But we were just living in the same house. But when did we become a family? It was on the table. Just kush. Father makes kush. Right there sets the tone. There's a father in the house. Everybody else is listening. There's already a certain atmosphere after kush everyone gets to drink and then they come together by us they kiss the father's hand they kiss the mother's hand so that means my children kiss my hand every week two times Friday night Shabbat morning that set a certain respect and gave me the ability to advise them in life because they already have taken themselves and lowered themselves to their father and mother. If if there's a full cup and an empty cup, the only way you can fill up the empty cup from the full cup is if the empty cup goes under the full cup. So long as they say on the same level, there's no way the full cup could empty could fill up the empty one. That means to receive from somebody, you need to be under them. If you're not under, no matter how much they have to give you, you can't be filled up. So when did that become the atmosphere of the home that my children are lower not in value but in relationship that they know they have to receive from their parents that respect. Where did that come from? It came from the Shabbat table without saying a word without having to say you listen to me. I'm your boss. I'm your advisor. I'm your father. We don't need all that. the Shabbat table. How the matana of Shabbat is that somehow it brings clarity into the family and it brings the right into who's who and that's we didn't start eating yet. We just all we did is we said kush the father said the kdouch everyone was listening everyone is y through the father I mean everyone could have said their own kdush but no the way to do it is the father does it and everyone's listening you're going to be y through the father and then they gives them to drink I give you to drink and then they come get a bra you kiss the father's hand the mother's hand already we set up a it's a new it's a it's a new world he talking about 8 billion people in the world. They don't have this one time in their entire life. Such a such an atmosphere. >> Even the Italians. >> Yeah. >> The family even the family oriented >> you you can't you you can't replicate this. This is godly. This is Shabbat. It's a matana. And we didn't get to the food yet. We didn't we didn't get to the meal yet. We didn't get to the And then the Shabbat table just continues. We go wash. Come back again. The father takes the bread. >> We wait. Right. >> Patience. >> What? Discipline. People are late. We wait for them. Learn to wait for people. Give cavote to people. Everyone sits down. We give out the bread to every person. Again, the father is the one who gives out the bread. And as the meal comes and the food is brought and of course to to praise the k to press to praise the the mother of the home who made all this possible and to talk about her efforts and how much it took to make the the meal when do we sing to the during the week. We don't have time to sing during the week, but Shabbat, we have a time to give her that appropriate praise. Not only for her, but for everybody else around to understand that this was the product of a lot of hard work, just like your songs. When you you sing a song, it looks gorgeous, but you probably spent hundreds and hundreds of hours per song to make sure it comes out perfect. Kindle back a memory. My father, I I was young and I was in Israel. I was born in Israel and Michael Mala from the community was a guest in my house a lot. He's my first cousin and he said he came to my house. He says my father I don't remember this my father in used to act out like a play he had all his move. He said we was all in on the movements and on every little >> and and he said it made a big rush on him that how he when he got married put your wife on a pedestal on Shabbat and all the details that go into it and like you speak on all your classes how the depth of is to really understand how how much hard work goes into it. Most people in music, I could say, cuz I'm in it, don't know the details that go into it. It's just very hard. When you hear a song today, just stream it. It's free. It's just take it and you don't It's like that with everything. Like you're saying in your classes is a song, you know, the idea of one of the songs that just came out now came to me three and a half years ago in some place. It didn't fit with the low part. I had to wait three years to get the shiduk of the low part. Then I gave it to three arrangers and I threw it out three times. I spent money on arrangers and I didn't see it come to fruition the way I thought it would be. Threw it out. Went to another arranger and another arranger. It took three and a half years. It's one short dance song of two and a half minutes. I think two 40 whatever it is. I I think back to it when I listen to it because it takes me back to the hard work and effort. But when my son says, "What are you coming out with next week?" He he forgot already. just things just came out last week and it goes by so fast. I try to apply that to everything in life like you say you know the the Shabbat go also so fast and this what details do you leave your children with what like you're saying the s there the the the whole but it's amazing so you came to America rabbi and you saw a different world you saw a different world but what did you pick up from your in terms of the the singing itself the music at the meal itself you sang two hours before >> the singing was done more in the betessa there was more done in that but uh you know in in my table you know when in my family you know I don't know if it's a product of America or that's the the the different ways of setting up the day but by us there's no question the music on the table it just brings a certain joy to the table it brings a certain festivity to to the table. It brings a certain depth to what's happening. You know, on a Monday, we're not going to sit down and sing songs. We just don't do that. Um, Shabbat is a day of the soul and songs are a an expression of the soul. You know, we talk all the time, but we don't sing. Sing comes from the nish. And there's no greater celebration of the on Shabbat the day of the you know we we we say in of we say shalom I mean the Shabbat is not about resting it's not about sleeping it's about the getting its diet. So it's not possible to have an elevated Shabbat without elevating the nish and it's not possible to elevate the nama without song because song is the language of the soul because they are things that cannot be expressed with words or actions and only music can express certain feelings that the nama is able to express to its creator. And uh that's why Shabbat is a day that while we sing all the time and we hear songs all the time, but a day that's dedicated to singing as part of the avoda of the day. And the future of the family is very much dependent on these songs. This is not just a a moment. It's not an extra slice of uh of of of food. This is the building block of our families. Because when we elevate our Shabbat through song, that table is going to give birth to a lot of holiness, a lot of beautiful children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. One day after 120, they're going to walk us back through our accomplishment. Just like if you made a song, you'll walk us back through all the different steps that got to the end. And after 120, they're going to walk us back to show us how, oh, how was this? How did you have that beautiful grandchild? How did how did your daughter become such a great woman? How how did they're going to walk us back? And I'm very confident that there's going to be a very big marker on that road, which is going to be Shabbat and its song because it just elevates everybody. It elevate it elevates the one who's singing. It elevates the one who's listening. Everybody's there. And >> one of the things Rab Far said, it was a minhag of the the the few generations ago to take a piece of the table, the Shabbat table and bury it with the person. They wanted the piece. I think the Benes brings it down also. piece of the table like you're saying that I want this testimony to go with me after 120 that my table was kesh I sang with kesh I got everybody involved I just came back from the kam so praying a few weeks ago and one of the things I heard is that he was willing to give half or onethird of his aba if hashem taught him how to sing and the students would ask him like give half of his fair even minute every minute was everything was why song why and years ago when I heard it I said okay it's nice it's a nice but now hearing from you rabbi it's it the l the the language of the soul he was all about nishama you're learning you're you're you're touching a place where so can you imagine to express that and to express it with song with the the pen of the nishama is the song, he would probably channel a lot. He he was telling his students, I'm I'm going to get a lot closer through the channel of music and and able to to to connect in a lot higher and deeper level. You heard the story of Rabshak that he said he had a neighbor that he had a neighbor with a lot of kids that always sang and he was overheard telling somebody. There's few versions of the story, but he was overheard telling somebody that the reason why that his neighbor, every single one of his children were they always all came out really really solid individual, each one in their own way, but always close to Torah is because the man did not stop singing on Shabbat and he, you know, was learning and focused on other things on Shabbat. Well, now you see a new generation even you're running a school. You see thousands of kids to have some of your kids by me all the time and I see how they're developing and I see how they're they're acclimating and connecting to to do Judaism every single one on their own level. But what would you tell them in terms of running their own Shabbat table? I think the first thing to remember is that the Shabbat table is not a betin. It's not a court. It's not a place where people have to wait their turn to speak and it's not a place where you have to say your make sure you say it right and what did you learn this week and how come you didn't learn more and how come you didn't do this and that's not maybe there's a place for that in the home but that's not the Shabbat table. The Shabbat table is supposed to be a place of mina doesn't just mean sleep. Menua means a person has peace of mind. A person is free to express himself the way that he can, the way that he likes, of course, within the parameters of Shabbat. So someone can't be pushed on people in general and for sure not on Shabbat. It's not something you could pressure your family to be involved in. Some Shabbats you may feel that the song is just not not right for this moment for whatever reason. Maybe we started late. Maybe people maybe maybe the weather somehow didn't make it the feeling. When it comes to Shabbat table, while we have to do all the of Shabbat the proper way, but the element of what needs to be done to elevate the Shabbat, we have to always live within the comfort of our reality. And when we do that, generally what happens is we bring out a lot of beautiful things from as long as we're committed to elevate the Shabbat table. We don't have to worry about the specifics. We don't have to worry about what song are we going to sing. We don't have to worry about which kid is going to sing what. As a father, you come into Shabbat, you're dedicated that your Shabbat should be elevated. And song is a big part of it. whether you understand the words. You know, one person asked me, I don't understand the words I'm saying. >> Well, this book is, by the way, gonna help him. >> It's gonna help him understand it. >> Understand it. And also inspiration behind the song. Sometimes the story, well, that's the also a a a goal of ours is to understand. >> He says, I don't I don't understand the words. So, I'm singing. I don't listen to me. A person when it comes to music doesn't have to have words. words sometimes take away from the music. I said, "Do you enjoy the melody?" He says, "I enjoy the melody." I said, "Put whatever feelings you have towards your creator with those melodies. Whatever it is you want to express to Hashem, you want to tell him thank you for your wife, for your children, for your health, for your prana, for Torah, for for your parents, whatever feelings, whatever you want to ask him, whatever you want to talk to him, use the melody. So, while you're sitting and enjoying the song, you don't have to worry about the words. Of course, understanding the words just takes it to another level. Now you're putting your mind in the minds of great people. You know by us songwriters for the most part we're David Melik. So you're singing David Melik's words. So now you're putting your head you're going through him now. That's whose words you're you're you're saying. You're talking about the greatim the great aaronim. have great people that that wrote songs. So you know the bet wrote a beautiful song you told me that you're going to include that. I mean the bet Joseph was he had a that learned with him but yet he found time to write a song. That's that in itself is pretty amazing. He said let me take I don't know an hour a day of my time to write a song. Now those words is connecting to the bet yourself. You're going through now you're you're elevating. So understanding the words and where they come from is a another level of elevation. But there's an elevation for everybody in music. A little child who's one years old can enjoy music. And a 95year-old who's a ga in Torah can understand the music and can enjoy it on different levels. But they're all elevating from it. So you know again the Shabbat table is not a court. It's a place of it's a place where people are able to express themselves in the way they're comfortable. But the leader of the home should be mindful that his goal is that the music needs to be part of his Shabbat table. that if his kids 20, 30, 40 years from then, they'll be interviewing them and they'll tell them, "Could you tell me about your home? What do you remember from the Shabbat table?" >> Yeah. Oh, I remember the the Shabbat table. It was just royal. It was music. It was the food is >> maybe maybe the last thing he would talk about because of all the spiritual memories that he had. I don't remember what food I ate on the Shabbat day. Me neither. My mother was goulash. I don't know what was going on yet. I remember beautiful. You're right. >> But but the feeling the atmosphere. So this is the leader has to keep in mind this is my goal and I get there. >> You'll get there. No voice. You sing yourself. You come in, you sing. You'll see others want to listen to you. They might want to join you. Of course, if you are into it, they'll be into it. And slowly you bring everybody along. Uh obviously the older they start, the more difficult it becomes. And then, you know, we need different kind of uh you know, strategies how to get them more involved. But if you're starting your home today, you just got married, you have it easy. Learn, learn up the songs, >> try to understand them as much as you can. You don't have to have beautiful voice. You have to have a beautiful. That's all you need. And every Jew has it. So you're you're good. You're born you're born with you're in. >> We must always remember that Hashem gave a matana, a gift our people is called Shabbat. A matana doesn't just mean a mitzvah to serve Hashem. That we have every mitzvah is a beautiful gift to serve God. So when Hashem says, "I have a gift for you," it must mean something else. It means that Shabbat has in it the for so many issues in life that we would never connect how this could have been solved through Shabbat. Before I gave you a few examples of respect in the home, of a hadoot in the home, of so many things that we never would think about, but Shabbat is doing. Shabbat could take care of a lot of issues that people have if they would just take the recipe and go full 25 hours. You go into the 25 hour Shabbat zone and you come at a different person, not just for Shabbat. You're a new person for the week. So one of the beautiful that we say in Shabbat really expressed this because when you read it you say what are they talking about? We we we're talking about the Shabbat, how this Shabbat, Hashem, you gave your nation a day of rest and holiness. That much I think everybody could know that's what Shabbat is. Abraham Yagel Abrau he's rejoicing when he saw the Shabbat practiced by his children and grandchildren. Means when we're sitting at the Shabbat table we have to imagine Abraham Ainu is sitting there he's so excited. He can't believe now Abraham is excited for every good thing that we do. But it seems that on Shabbat he's excited extra. There's something because he sees that we're doing things that we don't even realize are happening. Singing. Now listen to what's going on. What are they seeing that we don't see? Who ever dreamed of such words? >> They saw this in their lifetime or they see it. No, they see in our Shabbat table. When they see our Shabbat, they're rejoicing because they see that our menu is bringing us ahava. Who ever dreamt to imagine that the of Shabbat makes us love people? What does what does Shabbat have to do? You know, living a life where you love people around you makes such a sweet life. When you live with hatred like many people live, they hate their neighbor, they hate their cousin, they hate this one, they hate that one, whether they express it or not. But they have these feelings. It's a terrible way to live life. But yet Shabbat has the ability that the is it makes us love the people that we live with, the people that we spend our lives with. We become we become givers. Yeah. Abraham is excited because he sees that we're becoming more and we become more of a nadiv. This makes us more real, more sincere, more honest. The Shabbat makes us people who have strength of amuna. Which which which issues can a person have if they have if they love all people if they're givers if they live a life of sincerity and truth they have strength of shalom it's a that creates shalom with people that we live together with people helping each other completing each other hashket A life of tranquility, a life of confidence, a life of security. If a person can get all this out of their Shabbat, tell me which which issue is left that a person has to deal with. Where's the anxiety in such a person who has where's there room for so many things that people struggle with? Obviously, there are medical issues that people have that they need to go to doctors, but so many of the issues can be solved right here. You have all these things in your life. You have a it's all set up for you. So, how why do they still have during the week this I'm not talking about medical, you know, hereditary. You're talking about kids that are just like you said, I think in one of your speeches is that you tap any kid today, you tap any teenager and they have issues. So, are there not tapping into Shabbat correctly or are we not giving over Shabbat what it's supposed to be? Why is there still such, you know, trouble and sadness for kids that have everything in the world to be happy about? Like everything else in life, there are different levels of connection to people and there are different levels of connection to mitzvot. So a person could be a share Shabbat, you know, and and not do one thing wrong and sleep 25 hours straight. So technically he's shabbat. He could put a sign Yeah. He said he he rested, but obviously he missed out on Shabbat. A person can say, "Oh, no. I I I I only sleep 16 hours and the rest I eat and I go to shul and okay. So then you did a little better than that." So obviously there are levels even within the observance of Shabbat that can elevate the person. But there is no doubt that if a person really is connected to Shabbat in the way that it's supposed to be done, he's waking up and praying the way of Shabbat should be done that's not at you know very late hours but a little bit at least within this because that means you're taking seriously. You go in and you pray the right way. You have a good kazan. You have a good environment where you're spending your time praying the right way. You're learning the right way. You're sleeping the right way. You're eating the right way. You're singing the right way. The physical body it's also talking about, right? >> Everything's all all in. I mean, to sleep on Shabbat is is okay. It's it's it's everything that we're supposed to do on Shabbat is going to create this. Where a haba is created on Shabbat, I can't tell you. But I know Hashem says if you take this recipe, you're gonna have a you're gonna have love. You know, I'll tell you a story once. It's an interesting story. I was learning with somebody. This is going back maybe 20 years. I was learning with somebody and uh I knew he wasn't so careful on Shabbat. Let's call it that. But I never brought up to him. I didn't think he was ready to hear that. So I was learning with him. And um after maybe 4 months he says to me he says right now I want to tell you I think I want to start keeping Shabbat. I said it's very very beautiful. I'm very happy for you very excited for you and I didn't want to go further. I felt that he needed his space. So maybe a month or two later I saw him actually was in Deal New Jersey. I saw him and uh on Shabbat and I didn't see him for about a month. So I told him, "Hey Joe, how you doing? How's how's everything?" He says, "Yeah, thank God everything is beautiful." I said, "How's Shabbat doing?" He told me Shabbat is something else. He says, "I don't know how what I was doing the rest all my life. I missed out on this beautiful day. What Shabbat is doing for me, I can't tell you enough." He said, "But I have to be honest." He says there are some parts of it that are very hard. He says, "So while I have a lot of great things on Shabbat, but I also have a lot of things that are hard for me." He said, "And I don't even keep probably 50% of your Shabbat. I can't even imagine how hard your Shabbat must be. How do you do it? So usually I control myself but this time I felt that he gave me a a good pitch. Yeah. I tell him Joel let me tell you a story. I think with the story you'll understand. >> One time there was a lady on Friday afternoon right before Shabbat. She went to visit her friend her neighbor next door. And as she walks into the door she smells the most amb smell of cookies. and she goes in to the kitchen and she sees magnificent looking cookies and she takes a bite of one of the cookies and it's out of this world. She never had a cookie like that before. So she tells us her friend, "This is amazing. You mind sharing the recipe with me?" She says, "Of course." She takes out a a card. She writes down all the things her friend tells her. She's very happy about the visit. The following week, her friend comes to visit her. She walks into the house and it's this horrible smell. Terrible. Something burnt, something not right. She follows the smell to the kitchen. She sees these horrible looking cookies. They look not the way cookie supposed to look. And then she takes a bite with fear. And it's worse than they look. and she sees her friends staring her down. She says, "Uh, next time if I ask you for a recipe, if you don't want to give me the recipe, just don't give it to me." He said, "What do you mean?" He says, "These are the cookies that you gave me the recipe for." She said, "Are you sure these came from the recipe I gave you?" She says, "I'll tell you better. I only used 50% of the ingredients in your recipe and this is what came out. Could you imagine that I used 100% of your recipe? What would have happened? So that's obviously a silly story and it's you know maybe insulting to the intelligent mind but I told them I said what what are you saying? The creator of the world gave us a recipe. This is the way to do it from beginning to end. You're telling me you're having a hard time and you're only keeping 50. The reason why you're having a hard time is because you're only keeping 50. If you did the whole thing, you'd see the most precious thing. It would be good all around. It would be gorgeous. So, Shabbat is the ingredient. Everything Hashem said, just follow it and this is what you get. >> What's the follow through with that man? >> Yeah. It was It was well received. was well received and today's thank God his family different family his children his grand he's a grandfather today Shabbat saved his life changed his life and saved his life and I think Shabbat is that clearly that ship that Hashem gave our people that no matter where we are no matter what struggles we have we take on that Shabbat it just changes everything look what happened by the After they sin with the eel, what was the commandment? Hashem says keep Shabbat. What does that have to do with anything? We just did the sin of the ego. What does Shabbat have to do? We already knew about Shabbat. We knew about the commandment of Shabbat already in before Matan. Hashem says, "Gather everybody together. I have a big message for you." Imagine how disappointed they were when they heard keep Shabbat. I know that already. What he was telling them was that in life, no matter what challenge you have and no matter how much you failed, the eel was a major disaster, failure. The Jewish people, Hashem says there's one thing that can get you out of that Shabbat. In fact, the word Shabbat is the same letters as tashu. Tashu person struggling comes the Shabbat and just transforms the person. So the people that have again the the the technology and all this if they do one step at a time and they not take everything is you see that Shabbat according to your story according to what we see even in our community and even in the world at large when when there is a Shabbat when there is a shul when there is you see that that's is that the core of Yiddish kite meaning if a person has a lot of things to work on and there's the social media, the this to that and this the world run around him. If he starts with Shabbat, if he starts with the meal, he starts is that the way is that the foundation of I think there's a proof of that. There's a proof of that from the fact that the Torah that Hashem gave us, we had to first commit to it. Now, we had no idea what we were committing to. How many thought maybe we had to fast 365 days a year. We had no idea when we said what was going to be the mitzvah that Hashem gave us. But Hashem gave us the Shabbat before Shabbat we got already before in Hashem gave us the Shabbat. How come? Why did he give us Shabbat before? How come there was no sevenish. So the the rabbis explained because Hashem was afraid that when he would give us the chance to receive the Torah, we might say no. We may not have the right answer. So he decided to give a sample that when this sample comes, we're going to understand, oh, if this is a sample of the rest, we're in. Which sample did he choose? He chose Shabbat. That means if you want to give somebody who's looking to elevate himself, where's the first place? >> Shabbat. Of course, they have to learn Torah and they have to educate themselves. But Shabbat is a gift that Hashem gave for all of us. the highest, the lowest, it's the island that elevates the nish and spills through the whole week. When he started getting to heavy heavy, my father had a good voice. So he I lost it a little bit. I wasn't so much into he loved which I actually I'm doing this in his memory taking his favorite Moshabushaim. He loved Moshabusha, my father. So the songs that I I love the more melodic ones, [snorts] you know, the more melody, the more interesting because we did harmonies when there was no guests. My brothers and sisters, we all did different harmonies. It was just a uh >> is a beautiful song. I think we do it really rashana time where it's talking about help me help me open up the doors of teshua I want to come back my you know it's it's just a a a beautiful rendition of how you know every Jew wants to be in a place where chuva plays but it's done in a happy you see how it's a horror it just seduces me and wants bad for me so I just want I want the answers help me the living hashem help it's just a beautiful if you think about the words sometimes and think about the simplicity of it I do yas green is ready wrote a brand new atashta we sayashashta on Friday Right. [singing] So, de [singing] la me. Oh, >> [singing]