Good to Fight About - R. Aharon Pessin - TorahAnytime.com

Rebbe Salanter said that when he married his wife, they decided that he is going to be the one ruling calling all the shots. All matters of ruchnius and else. And his wife will be in charge of anything else to do with gashmius. And then he said for the next 40 years we kept fighting. What is considered ruchnius and what is considered gashmius? That's a very strange thing. Don't you know what ruchnius is and what gashmius is? What what was the safek of Rebbe Salanter? Is this considered ruchnius or gashmius? I think we can understand it based on another another statement of Rebbe Salanter. Rebbe Salanter used to say "The gashmius of my friend is my spirituality. That's my ruchnius. When I help my friend with something which is gashmi, I'm actually doing something which is ruchni for me." Which means Rebbe Salanter wants to help his wife. He sees that the garbage is full. So, he takes out the garbage bag and he's about to She yells at him, "No, no, no, that's mine. That's gashmius." He says to her, "Rebbetzin, your gashmius is my ruchnius." And then THEY START ARGUING, "NO, IT'S RUCHNIUS. NO, [laughter] IT'S GASHMIUS." AND HE MAKES a cheshbon, we should all have these type of fights that Rebbe Salanter and his wife had. We should always have and that's the only type of fights that we should have with our spouses. In the cheshbon.