Healthy Regret vs Depression: True TeShuva

Well, I I don't you know, as far as getting into a depression, I mean that's that means that they're not really doing chuva. They're they're just a you know, they're they're doing something that's maybe sounds like chuva, similar to chuva. Uh they wanted to be chuva, but it's not quite chuva. And the reason why is because the first step is to stop the sin. That's the first step. Uh second step is to do whatever they need to do to not go back to the sin. So, let's just say for example, if they were doing drugs, they're not only going to stop doing drugs, they're now going not going to go to the same places where they used to do drugs or the same people they used to do drugs with and so on and so forth. That's the first two steps. So, they stopped the crime and they are stopping themselves from going uh to places that they're going to commit the crime again. Now, that in itself should create a certain amount of a uh uh benefit and happiness in that person's life over a period of time because as a result of doing the will of Hashem, their life will improve. Now, the further they are from that sin, the more they're going to realize how bad that you know, how how bad that sin was for them. Not just how bad it was and against the will of Hashem, but how bad it was for them to do it. How it's not it wasn't good for them. It wasn't beneficial for them. And that is going to make them regret that they didn't start keeping Shabbat sooner, that they used to do drugs or that they used to be immoral. The fact that they realized the magnitude of of of how bad this sin was for them, that is usually the first stage of understanding, you know, of having regret. And furthermore, they're going to the more they do the will of Hashem, the more they're going to care about the relationship they have with Hashem, that they're going to regret the fact that they damaged their relationship with Hashem in the past and they didn't develop the stronger relationship that they have right now with him sooner. So, none of this should create a depression. Rather, this should create a closeness to Hashem and also a you know, the only regret that they should have is that they missed out on an opportunity to do it sooner. But, that's not something that would cause any normal person a depression. That's just like, "Ugh, I can't believe I could have been, you know, I could have been a bigger you know, you know, bigger tzaddik yesterday instead of today. I could have been a millionaire to yesterday instead of today. I could have been married yesterday instead of today." So, it's like the missing out of, "Ah, I could have done this sooner. I wish I would have done this sooner." That should never make a person depressed. Usually, when people are depressed about something, it's because they're going in the wrong direction in some way. Where they're just harping on the fact that they've made a mistake without really truly fixing it. Like, they're they're they're they're upset that they did something, but they're not necessarily one with the decision. They're just they're just they you know, upset that things didn't go right. So, it's important for a person to you know, uh always uh understand that Hashem created humans. Humans are expected to fail. Even if you're doing teshuvah, you will fail again in different things. Failure is not inherently evil. Accepting failure is evil. You understand? So, there's a difference. If I uh I fall, I am expected to get up. Even if I fall twice, I'm expected to get up twice. Even if I fall seven times, I'm going to expect to get up seven times. No one is going to fall and just say, "You know what? I fell already five times. I said I'm just going to stay on the floor forever. I was going to lay down on the floor in the middle of the show forever." No, no, it's not it's not a normal thing. Why? Even if you fell five or 10 or 50 times, you get up. So, to fall is going to happen in life. Sometimes a person falls in anger. Sometimes a person falls with issues of morality. Sometimes a person falls for doing something dishonest. Falling is part of your journey. That is going to happen. And we need to do teshuvah for all of it. Accepting the the falling where it's You know what? I fell That's what it From now on I'm just I'm just going to live this way. I'm just going to stay on the floor. I'm going to just going to fail all the time. That's accepting the failure as as if it's okay. And that's not okay. So, I think that if a person is is doing teshuvah the proper way, they're going to realize that their mistakes are mistakes that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is well aware of and he's giving you the chance of fixing it even if it's a horrible mistake, even if it's a terrible mistake. And you being upset about it, you being depressed about it is misunderstanding the point the whole mitzvah of teshuvah. The whole mitzvah of teshuvah is that Hashem is giving us a chance to to fix the past. So, if a person looks at all of the righteous people that are mentioned in the Torah, you'll see that some of them made very, very big mistakes. For example, Rachav. Rachav was the wife of Yehoshua bin Nun. But before she was the wife of Yehoshua bin Nun, she was the most immoral person on planet Earth. Okay, she That was her job. So, so if she can not only do teshuvah, but also become the wife of the Gadol Hador, then surely you can do teshuvah for whatever you did and and and also go on the right path. There's no reason to be upset about it forever. You can be upset about it for a certain period of time to say I'm sorry, but once a person says I'm sorry to Hashem, they cannot allow themselves to continue harping on that on that sorrow because harping on that sorrow is is a the Rambam says it's a person is not believing teshuvah. Is not is not believing that Hashem will forgive them. And that's heresy. So, it makes it's a bigger sin than when the sin that they've even made. So, a person has to believe that Hashem is going to forgive them. If they say I'm sorry, they follow these footsteps, they have to believe they're obligated to believe that Hashem will forgive them. So, and and if they don't believe it, then they're making a bigger sin than the sin that they're worried about. So, they're they're questioning God's mercy. So, that's it's not healthy. >> [music]