Transcript
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So, we're going to talk about parenting
number five. Number five.
I would like to call this class choose
your battles.
Choose your battles. A very important
tip in parenting.
I'm going to explain to you what I mean
that you have to choose your battles.
First of all, I'm going to tell you the
common issues.
Common issues I'm going to split into
three ages.
0 to 7.
From 0 years old until 7. 8 to 14.
And 15 plus.
Three ages.
Now.
A child when he's little, 0 to 7, you
always you always getting him to
eat properly, go to sleep early,
right? Go to have a shower. Don't be
messy. Don't be rude. You have so many
times don't hit your brother. There's so
many times in the day that you're
fighting with your 0 to 7-year-old about
sleeping, about eating, about behavior.
It's It could be
in the same day many, many times. If
your child is 8 till about 14, then the
problems start getting bigger.
It's not only go to sleep,
but
wake up in the morning.
Be kind.
Pray. All kinds of things. Be Don't be
messy. Don't hit. Don't be rude. You
could be telling off your child during
the day from from the year from year 8.
From 8 years old onward, you could be
telling him off
tens of times.
Tens of times. On so many things.
And then once the child hits 15,
then there's curfew, then there's waking
up, then he has to pray, the way he
dresses, the friends, how he speaks, how
he learns. So many things.
So,
we have to choose our battles.
Otherwise, we're going to spend our day
fighting with our kids.
Now,
somebody once told me, "So, why can't I
fight all the issues?
Let me fight all the issues.
Nothing I can't choose. Everything is
important." So, I say,
"First of all, what's the real yesod?
What's the real point of parenting?
What's good parenting? You want to have
communication with your child. You want
to speak to your child. You want your
child to speak to you. You want your
child to come to you, to hover to you,
to spend time with you, to feel good
with you. Can you imagine if you are a
policeman all the time telling your
child, 'You can't do this. You can't do
this. You can't do this. You can't do
this.'? Your child will look at you as a
policeman to avoid. Do you want your
child to avoid you?
Or do you want your child to be with
you?
So, the first thing is the first point
is
you want to create love and friendship
with your child, not distance. Too many
rules and too much policeman work
creates distance. Two,
>> [gasps]
>> most parents know that we don't have the
energy to be able to tell our kids off
the whole day. It wears us out. If you
have one kid, maybe you can. If you have
two or three,
it's stressful. It's tiring. We're going
to go We're going to get worn out.
Therefore, what do we do? We have to
choose our battles because we're human
beings, too.
Because if we don't, we we may either
completely We're going to get so tired
and so worn out, we let them do whatever
they want.
Or we're going to become
or we're just not going to be able to
cope.
So, therefore, we're going to have The
second thing is we might want We might
get worn out.
The third thing is it is very obvious.
Especially with teens, the more rules,
the less they listen.
The less rules, the more they listen.
Meaning too many rules does not make
things better.
Too many rules actually causes a child
to want to rebel more.
So therefore number one,
not you have too too many battles
creates distance. Number two, too many
battles wears you out. Number three, too
many battles is counterproductive.
When your child feels that you're
telling them no the whole time,
they begin to rebel much more.
What do I choose? And how do I choose?
There are so many issues
from all ages with my children. What do
I choose? How do I choose? Everything is
important.
How can I give up on this and not the
other?
So I'd like to I'd like to offer
I'd like to offer four factors. If we
want to decide what to choose and how to
choose, we have to know four factors.
Age, friends, gender, and character. For
example, age.
Do you want to put a certain rule on a
child? How old is he? What are the
chances that the child will listen?
If the If the child is younger,
there's a much bigger chance the child
will obey. If the child is older,
there's a much bigger chance the child
will disobey.
So therefore,
you have to put into factor, how old is
the child? What are the chances at this
age that he'll listen?
Good. Second, and this is super
important, it's called the friends and
the
the people around them.
For example,
if I in my house want my daughter to
dress discreet, to dress tzniua,
and all her friends
and the and the people around where
where we live do not dress discreetly.
So, telling my daughter to dress
discreetly, however important it is, is
not practical.
The
unless my daughter is an angel, my
daughter is going to dress like
everybody else. So, if So, true,
dressing discreetly is super important.
But, if the people around her don't,
then
it's almost a waste of time
to tell her to dress discreetly.
Something I have to either change change
where I live or raise in a completely
different way. But, tell her dress
discreetly when all her friends do not,
it's almost impossible. Or with my son,
if I don't want my son to have a
smartphone, for example, I don't want my
son to have a certain addiction, and all
his friends do,
I can't expect that. So, second thing is
if I'm going to come up with a rule
against my child, it has to be realistic
according to the friends. Has to be
realistic according to the age,
according to the friends. Three, the
gender. Like we said before, like we
said in the previous class, if the child
is a boy, then you can tell he can come
back later cuz he's more he can protect
himself more. If the if it's a girl,
then she has to come back earlier.
How you how a child how a child what
what time is curfew for a boy and a girl
is going to be different.
That's how life is. Now, what the wake
up is often different. The boy earlier,
the the girl is later. So, when it comes
to when it comes to certain things,
gender is super important. So, if you're
going to go ahead and say, "For me, the
most important thing is wake up."
That's very nice. So, for a boy, you can
you can expect wake up,
but not so much for a girl. For curfew,
the girl has to be told earlier. The the
boy can come later. You see that there's
differences in gender. And number four,
which is very important, is called offy.
What's the charisma of the child?
This is an important thing you have to
learn. What's a child like? Is he one of
these easy-going people
that you can tell them things and they
listen? So then you can tell them more
things. If the child is more of this
like this this like neutral person,
sometimes you can sometimes you cannot.
Then you have to
speak to them less and tell them off
less and give them less rules. But if
the child is one of these attitude kids,
then whatever you tell them straight
away they're going to blow up.
That child, you cannot give him too many
rules. On the contrary, the more rules
you give him the more he rebels. That
child you must choose a rule and one
rule and one or two rules only.
Otherwise,
he's not going to listen. So,
when it comes to the issues at hand with
your child,
there are many issues, many battles.
Remember,
the yesod is the fundamental point is
what are the chances of the child
listening and how important is the
issue. If the issue is important, A,
then you have to look at the age, the
friends, the gender and the character of
the child. Then, if you can, you can. If
you can't, you can't. Don't think just
because you're not being strict that you
are allowing your child to misbehave.
You're just being realistic.
And remember,
the most important thing over here
is that we raise our children
in a way that when they grow up on their
own, when they're without us, they have
these same morals, they want to follow
your ways. But if we force them, we may
have short-term
success, they'll obey, but long-term
disaster.
Thank you.
