Passing the Anger Test - Rabbi Shlomo Landau

There's a young Cassid shell who had a very volatile temper. And before he got married, he somehow made it through life. But once he got married, he was living with another person in close proximity. He would often lose himself and it caused a serious rift in his marriage. At work too, it was slowly but surely starting to erode his working relationship and it got to a point where he couldn't continue this way. In talking to his wife, he decided it was time to go to his Reb, share with the Reba his challenge, and asked the Reb for advice. So, he traveled to his Reb. He came into the Reb, and he was open and honest. He says, "Reb, I have a temper. I lose myself. It's killing all my relationships. My marriage is almost over. What should I do?" The Reb thought for a minute, and the Reb said to him, "Go out into the waiting room. I'll call you soon." As soon as he left, the Reb called in his shamish, his attendant, and he said to him, "Here's what I need you to do. I want you to go out and make a large hot coffee and bring it back to me. But on the way, when you pass this fellow in the waiting room, pretend to trip and spill the entire cup of coffee on this fellow." "You sure?" The guy said, "Yes," the Reb said, "I am." He went out, made himself a big 16 cup of coffee. As he walks by the fellow, he pretends to trip and he spills the entire cup of boiling coffee all over. And the guy goes, "Ow." And his shirt is covered, his beckish is covered, he's drenched, he's soaked. "I'm so sorry," the shamish says. "Oh, don't worry," the fellow says to him. "It's okay. Mistakes happen." "No, no, no, I got you so dirty, and let me get you paper towels. It's mistakes happen. Don't worry. Everyone's human. It's going to be okay." As soon as that conversation finished, the Reb comes to the door and says, "Come, I want to talk to you." The walks in. He's covered in coffee and he's dripping and he's burnt. And the Reb says to him, "Wow, I'm impressed. I heard what happened and you didn't get angry at him. You were calm. You were collective. You kept yourself together. How'd you do that?" He says, "Reba, I heard you telling your shamish to spill the coffee on me. I knew you were testing me. If I knew you were testing me, I was able to pull through." The Reb says, "Do your ears hear the words your mouth just uttered? If you know it's a test, it's easier to get through. Every single time that you get to a situation which pushes your buttons, it's a test. It's not the person irking you. It's Hashem giving you the opportunity to react in the appropriate way. If you have that mindset day in and day out, you'll see ultimately you'll regain control and you'll live a life of calm. My friends, how many times a day does somebody irritate us? They cut us off traffic, someone in the home, someone at work, and we want to lose oursel. But if we take a step back and we think, you know what, Hashem is testing us. He's giving us an opportunity to rise to the challenge, to strengthen our inner character, it'll be much easier to stay strong.