The Truth About Bar Mitzvah & Bat Mitzvah - Rabbi Avraham Willig

today. All right, shalom and hello to everybody. Welcome to Jerusalem center of the universe. Here we have today we're learning about We're learning about >> [clears throat] >> bar mitzvah. We're learning about bat mitzvah. We're learning about When does a Jew When does a Jew step step up and become a man? When is a Jew obligated in Torah? I will surprise you. I will surprise you and tell you that a truth that you didn't learn in Hebrew school. A little secret that you don't know. A little secret and that is >> [clears throat] >> somebody um a Jew that's 11 years old can do whatever they want. And you're like What, Rabbi? Why are you telling us Why are you telling this to us now? Judaism actually really apply to to minors. Now, let's let's think about that. Let me let's let's explore that a little bit. We have to begin with the question of male chauvinism. There's a discrepancy in in in in Judaism. Everybody knows this. I mean, how old is it is it How old is a a young Jewish young adolescent at his bar mitzvah? Come on, 13. At 13, a a Jewish boy becomes obligated in in Jewish law. All right, and what about a Jewish girl? At age 12. Now, what is going on here? I mean, this is totally unfair. I mean, those Jewish men they're terrible, right? They look at Look at Look how the women get Once again, once again, these Jewish girls are like, you know, being put in a more more difficult uh more difficult you know, situation. I mean, these kids have to do The girls have to keep kosher at the age of 12. Meanwhile, a boy turns 12, he can eat McDonald's, cheeseburgers, shrimps, lobsters, whatever he wants. Until 13, and then at 13, he gets bar mitzvah. What What's the story? I mean, what is the story with this? David, does this bother you, this problem? I mean, let's let's let's let's let's be fair. Let's be equal. What kind of business is this? These Jewish mobsters, they're just taking advantage. They're running around, you know, eating on Yom Kippur. They're They're do doing whatever they want, driving on Shabbat, smoking on Shabbat. These These boys, and then the girls are like, "Oh, you You You can't smoke on You can't You have to do Shabbat. You're already 12." Hey. What's the story? What What What Why Why are Jews Why is this Jewish concept? This Everyone Everyone knows this. Everyone knows it in Judaism. A boy uh begins to He becomes a man at 13. And And girls become a Jewish woman really obligated in in mitzvahs at the the age of 12. Now, this is the question I want to think about with you today. And while we're at it, let's let's just try to figure out what What is this whole thing about Bar Mitzvah anyway? I mean, what is this whole idea? A party, a celebration of Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah. What's that all about? I mean, we we get it, you know, it's it's understood in the world, right? Baby's born, you have a party. We get it. We understand that concept. We have that in Judaism, too. We get it. A wedding, we get it. You know, historically, universally, all across the world, someone gets married, they have a party. We get it. We get it. But, us Jews have something strange. What is this Bar Mitzvah thing? I mean, you take a a non-Jew, a gentile, he's 13, it's a big whoop. Doesn't mean anything. A girl turns 12, doesn't mean anything. There's no There's no big Oh, wow, there's a big party. What's this whole concept of Bar Mitzvah in Judaism? It's not it's not obvious. It's not like it's not so easily un readily you know, understood. And I And that that's I want to think about with you today. What is this concept of Bar Mitzvah? So, let's go back to the secret. The secret I shared with you is which it might seem a little troubling to us, some people. Judaism really begins at the age of 13 for a boy and 12 for a girl. Before that, on the book You want the book What's What's on the books? Actually, kids can do whatever they want. You know, you 11-year-old boy can eat a cheeseburger, he's not like, "Oh, he's going to hell." Yeah, you know, and that was a big sin. Not really. The truth between us, between us, I mean don't tell the kids in Hebrew school. It's like a big secret. Don't tell them. The truth is they're not obligated in Torah. They're not obligated. In fact, if you want them to do do something it you know as a do a mitzvah as an adult it actually doesn't even count. It doesn't really work. Doesn't work. So for just for example just let's just make this real for us right? You ever go to a synagogue and or a Jewish Jewish home on Friday night someone makes kiddush? Do you know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about? Right? You've seen it before once. Yeah. So there's something called kiddush. Now who makes kiddush? Usually the man of the house makes kiddush but the truth is that the woman in the house can make kiddush too. The truth is that everyone really technically needs to make kiddush. Did you know that? Everyone is supposed to make kiddush. All Jews are supposed to make kiddush but one person can like be the messenger of the group and they they make kiddush and you listen to their kiddush and that works for you. So if you want in your home your papa can make kiddush or you can make kiddush or your mama can make kiddush. They can all make kiddush and they can be the the ones making kiddush as the agents for everyone else. Everyone else has to listen and it works. However, if you have little little Josh who's 10 years old who says "Hey oh Josh make kiddush for us." It actually it doesn't even count. It doesn't count for anything. His little kiddush he said every word he held the cup he got the perfect you know he's saying it perfectly. You know what they say in football "Good if it goes." Not in this case. Nothing. It doesn't count for for squat. He got everything perfect. Nothing. Nothing. It doesn't COUNT FOR ANYTHING. WHY? WHY? TRUTH? Truth is that it's kind of like a charade. He's not really He's not really obligated in Torah. He's got like this fake kind of You know, this almost like he goes through the motions. He He's really Jewish. He is Jewish. I mean, his parents are Jewish, he's Jewish. If your mom is Jewish, you're Jewish. Rule, there's a rule there, David. Okay, it's a Jewish law. If your mom's Jewish, you're Jewish. However, you're not obligated in Torah. You're not really obligated in Jewish law until you're 13 As a As a man, you're As a boy, you're As a male, you're 13. As a female, you're 12. What is that about? Now, did you want to say something? You have a question? Michael, famous world-famous uh radio and TV personality. Would you like to say something? I don't know. Yeah, I did have a question. Uh Yeah, can you use your kid technically as like a turn the lights on or Ooh, can you use your kid as a Shabbos Jew? Like a Shabbos Yeah. Uh great Actually, very very intelligent question. Very smart question. After all, they're not they're not obligated. I mean, we just said that that they can do whatever they want, technically. Right? Well, I'm so glad that you asked that. Let me just Let me respond because I know I'm I'm I'm I'm leaving you in the lurch for too long, and this is It's like you know, maybe this is going to be I'm bothering you already. So, let me let me let me let me take you out of your misery. We know, we learned in Hebrew school, that we do mitzvahs. The reason for that is The reason for that is technical. The reason for that is because parents parents have their own obligation to educate their children. Now, that is a rule. That is is on the books. But, you get it. That has to do with the parents. In other words, there's a there's a Jewish concept that it's Jewish law, right? Parents should educate their child. Why? Well, we know why. Cuz if you don't teach a kid how to read when he's 6, you can't just start at right? When he's when he's 16. You follow that? We train our children from when they're very young. We teach them about Torah. We teach them about Judaism. We teach them about about the Jewish people. We teach them about mitzvahs. We teach them We teach them. We train them so that so that when they are 12 and 13 respectively, right? Girl or a guy, they'll be prepared. Imagine you didn't You didn't train any kids. Right? You didn't introduce your children at all to Judaism. It would be like crazy. Like, "Yo, okay, Josh. Sit down, Josh. You know, today you turn 13. So, there's news, you know. You got to be Jewish. We're going to start with the circumcision, Josh. Here we go." JOSH IS LIKE, RIGHT? THAT'S NOT GOING TO BE COOL. RIGHT? I mean, he's 13 years old and suddenly you're going to like circumcise him? Uh that's not fun for anyone, especially Josh. Okay? And it's foreign. What do you mean Shabbat? What do you mean mitzvahs? What does that do with me, right? He's totally unready and totally unprepared. There's no way he's going to be able to to live a life of Judaism and practice Jewish law if he's totally unfamiliar with it. Do you follow? So, that is the reason why as you know, we we teach our children from when they're very young. We teach them. We teach them. Okay? Therefore, we as parents shouldn't all of a sudden actually say, "Okay, you know, here. Come on, Josh. Turn this on. Do this. Do that." Right? He can't. You're are allowed to ask your children to to to violate Shabbat for you. That's the answer. I answered your question. All right. So, let us let's deal with this whole bar mitzvah thing and make sense of everything I we've everything I've told you today so far. I'd like to begin with I'd like to begin with uh explaining this with um with my experience at summer camp. Anybody here go to summer camp? Anyone here? You did, yeah? You went to summer camp. What camp did you go to? Yeah, but yeah, camp in South Africa. And you? Oh, wow. Okay, so I went to a camp called Camp Morasha, right? But you go to summer camps and summer camps are like they're like uh you know, nice uh it it's a nice part of childhood. Uh all different types of camps, but you know, many most camps I would say are co-ed and boys and girls and like, you know, especially the camp that I went to. You got like these youngsters who are you know, discovering girls and they're like 9 years old. You know, 10 years old and 11 years old. And you know how it is, like there's boys campuses and girls campuses and girls bunks and boys bunks and it's kind of like this like you know, the kids are all on their own and then, you know, like it's all it's all fair, you know, kosher, but but you know, people are like trying to like impress the girls as as 12-year-old boys do, right? And then you got like the oldest division, which I remember the camp in those days was like these guys were so old, they were like 14 or 15 years old, like like extremely you know, extremely old, okay? And these guys they had like real girlfriends, you know, like and the counterpart at camp these 14-year-old boys were like courting the girls and going on walks, you know, and then they were like and they were like, "Oh, they're boyfriend and girlfriend." It was like a whole thing, right? Well, then those were the 14-year-olds. And then you got like the 12 11-year-olds and they're trying their best. You got these kids who are like, you know these these boys who are like 4'1" you know, who stand up to their tallest height and slick back their hair and they're like, you know, and like put on their nicest dress shirt on Friday night, you know. And like try to look really grown-up and walk up to this 13-year-old girl who they have a crush on. You know, and they say "Hi." >> [laughter] >> Right? And this 13-year-old girl is like "You kidding?" Like she's not going to She's not even going to look at this at this 12-year-old boy. He's doing his best. He's like put on He put on his counselor's cologne, you know. Like he's doing He's like trying to look all like She She just doesn't even give him the time of the day. And meanwhile this 12-year-old boy has like the biggest crush on this 13-year-old girl and nothing's working. Nothing's working. And meanwhile this 13-year-old girl she's busy with this, you know, with the with the 14-year-old boys. It's kind of sad. It's kind of sad. And that little boy 12-year-old boy all he does is like think about how is he going to try to impress that girl. But nothing really works. Nothing works. Nothing works because he's a child. He's a child. And I want to teach you something, David. You want to learn some Do you want to learn Jewish law, David? Jewish law has it that a that a youngster cannot be married. Doesn't work. Just like Just like if a 10-year-old boy makes kiddush for your whole family, it doesn't count. It doesn't count. It's like the game's not on, you know, it's not plugged in. He could do it, but it's not plugged in. You get it? It's like not real. It doesn't really count for anything. You know, like You know, like you play basketball, it's like a big game, then there's like there's like the you know, there's like the I don't know. You call him the ball boy or the or the or the gym teacher's kid, you know, he's like 6 years old. He comes on the court like everyone's like cheering and everyone knows like they're winking at each other like like you know, we're on time out, you know. And he's going to like score a basket and we're like, "Yeah!" But it doesn't count. Like, you know, "Oh, there's a team There's a There's a a point for other team." No, it's not It's not a point. It doesn't count. We're like we're we're on half time, right? Everyone get that? It doesn't count cuz like it's not real. He's just a little kid. We're like 15-year-old kids and and here's like a little 6-year-old boy who like throws an underhand and gets it into the basket. It doesn't count. It's a fake. We all cheer and it's not real. You got a You got a 10-year-old that makes kiddush, he can make kiddush all he wants. It doesn't count. Well, here's the news. If a 10-year-old boy or a girl, right, does anything in Judaism, it doesn't count. It's not for real. It's kind of like practice. It's fake. It's fake. So, you got a 10-year-old boy, don't try this at home. Don't try this at home. But you got a 10-year-old boy who says, "Okay." He takes a ring and he tries to marry a girl. Guess what? It doesn't mean a thing. It's meaningless. Doesn't mean anything. It it it he's not he's not he he can't get married. A 10-year-old boy can't is unable and has no halachic validity. He cannot get married. But the question is, why? Why is that? Why can't the 10-year-old get married? What what what what's What would be the problem with that? What what why why can't he get married? I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. Because every one of us every one of us is born selfish. Have you ever noticed what what one of the famous reflexes of a child of of an infant is their hands are clenched. Have you seen it? Right? You play with a little little baby that you can like put your finger in his hand and he squeezes it. That's that's what they do. Like they won't let go, right? They Their hands are clenched. Infants, their hands are like this. That's because all human beings are born selfish. You don't have to feel bad that you're selfish. All human beings naturally come into this world in as self-centered beings. Self-centered. We're selfish. But what's life is about according to Judaism? You know what life is about? Life is about the journey from selfishness to selflessness. From selfishness to selflessness. If you cannot contain, understand, see, step outside yourself and really look at another person, and accept another person, and bring that other person into your life, and have empathy and sympathy for them, you can't be married. Right? Marriage is about experiencing another person. Having uh sympathy for another person. Being able to step beyond myself and allow to do things allow myself to do things for someone else instead of myself. In other words, marriage is about being selfless instead of selfish. And in life in life just because this is so fascinating, the body tells the story. We all are born like this and how do we die? Have you seen a dead man? I hope not. Have you seen a dead people die like with their hands like this. You don't die like you're born like this, but we die like this and life is about going from here to here. Life, Judaism, according to Judaism life is going from selfish to selfless. We are born with our fists clenched, stingy, self-centered, all we care is about our own pleasure. And we hopefully leave this world with our hands open, sharing, caring, being considerate and sensitive and sympathetic to other people. Well, there you have it, folks. A 10-year-old can get married because a 10 You ready for the statement? Here it is. A 10-year-old is unable is unable, is incapable of having a a love relationship. Let me repeat that. A child is incapable of having a love relationship. A child is incapable of maintaining a love relationship because they're so they're just they're just into themselves. When does that change? Give me an exact moment when that changes. I'll tell you when. I'll tell you when. The answer puberty. Puberty. That is the answer. At puberty, a few things happen at once. The physical expression of the body maturing comes in tandem to the emotional psychological development where a person begins to their their their eyes begin to open, their their their minds begin to broaden. Like they they can they become Here's the word that we use, right? They begin to mature. They mature intellectually, psychologically, mentally, emotionally, and physically. You see, physical maturity, puberty, is really a a a a physical expression, right? Which which which which which is observable. Right? Observable to the eye of the development of the of the internal world of a person. You follow me? Now, this is the reason that this is this is what happens when a person hits puberty. What's happening is that their their whole inner consciousness, they become more self-aware. They become more uh uh aware of their of the of the of the world around them, of the people around them. They can they can begin to have an actual relationship with other people. And they can begin to take responsibility for themselves. They can begin to think for themselves. They can begin to take responsibility for other people. Ah. Aha! Well, if that's true, well, I guess that's the beginning of the the beginning of the the the the the skill set, the ability to be in a relationship. Now, let's take a moment and talk about Judaism. Okay, we'll get back to this. Let's talk about Judaism in general. Judaism in general. >> [clears throat] >> One of the most one of the most important things to know about Judaism. One of the most important things to know about Judaism is is that Judaism is not is not really a religion. I just dropped a bomb on you. What do you mean it's not a religion, Judaism? Not a religion, it means it's it's it's it's and what else is it? I mean it's the religion. Even Christianity and and Islam are splintered splintered religions from the father of all religions, which is Judaism. What do you mean it's not a religion? Well, this is a much longer topic, but we'll just talk about it for a couple of moments. Uh take a look at the Torah. Take a look at the Torah, David. Anybody know how to say the word religion in Hebrew? Not. If you want to find out if someone is religious in Hebrew, you ever hear two Israelis talking to each other? Want to try to be Israeli? Like open your top button, try to get as much chest hair out, okay, and say uh in the lowest, deepest, manliest voice. Uh do do a ta da ti wa ta lo da ti. Are you religious? Are you not religious? That's a word that we use, dati. How many times does the Torah use that word? Want to guess the answer? Zero times. And that's crazy. I mean, zero times in this religion? Right? There's a lot more, there's a whole class I give about this topic for a different time, but the concept is that Judaism is is not really a religion. Well, what is it? How does God present it? God in the Torah itself, the author of the Torah itself, presents Judaism. It tells you what it is. I can give you a a list of many, many verses and God speaks every single one of them. He's basically saying, "I love you. I'm crazy about you. I'm excited about you. I'm interested in you. You're like my first You're like my love of my life. You're like the you know, the you know, my closest relative." In other words, Judaism, by God's words, by the by by the Torah's words themselves, God is saying God is saying, "I I love you." "I love you." That's what God says again and again. I'm in a love relationship with you. Now, this is really important to understand. My friends, this is why this explains something of a little something of a of a mystery in the Torah. Arguably the most important thing I'm going to teach you today. What is the holiest place for the Jewish people? The holiest place in the world for the Jewish people. Come on. Right here, you'll say Israel, right? Well, Israel, it's okay, that's true, Israel, but not just Israel, Jerusalem. Not just Jerusalem, the Temple Mount. And this expresses itself in Jewish law. Let's say you're Let's say you're standing in Baltimore, Maryland, which way do you face when you pray? East. Let's say you're standing in South Africa, which way do you face when you pray? North. North. Right? To the land of Israel. Okay, but as the Talmud says, let's say you're standing in Israel, which way do you face? If you're standing in Eilat, you face north. If you're standing in Tel Aviv, you face east. You're very good. If you're standing in Kiryat Shmona, you face south. You face Jerusalem. Okay, and then the Talmud says, let's say you're standing in Jerusalem, which way do you face? The Temple Mount. And let's say you're standing on the Temple Mount, what do you face? The Holy of Holies. You ready for this? And let's say YOU'RE STANDING IN THE HOLY OF HOLIES, WHOA. You never thought of that question. Which way do you face? The answer is, as the Torah says, as the Torah says, the answer is you face the the cherubs. The cherubs. What are the cherubs? The cruvim. The ark. You face the holy ark. On top of the holy ark are the two idols, two statues, two figurines made out of gold. Okay, and let's say you're in the holy ark, which way do you face? Now that's That's a question the Talmud doesn't ask. Scary thought. Okay? That's where the Lukasa is. You'll get like fried up in one second, right? All right. In any case, if you're in the Holy of Holies, which way do you face? You You face the ark, the cherubs. Why the cherubs? Listen to the words of God. These are not my words, these are the words of God. I'm not making them up. Okay? God says in the Torah, "The place where I will come to meet you, the place where my my holiness dwells, my presence dwells, The the the the connection with the nexus between heaven and earth, between God and the Jewish people is between the crew and between the idols, between the cherubs, between the golden figurines that are on top of the ark of the holy ark. Okay. That's interesting. Now, we got two problems. You ready for this? Again, they didn't teach you this in Hebrew school. I assure you they didn't teach you this in Hebrew school, but it's going to be rated R. Just warning you. Are you over 18? Can I see some ID, please? All right, forget it. But it it it the the the Talmud says the Talmud says that these figurines were not just figurines. One had a face of a girl and one had a face of a guy. Did you know that? One had the face of a girl and one had the face of a guy and and well, these were young adolescent girl and guy. And this is in the holy of holies, holiest place in the world of the Jewish people. Till today, we face in that direction when we pray. Towards the holy of holies. Even though we say we pray in the direction of Israel, we pray in the direction of Jerusalem. Not really. Oh, we do, but but we're really praying to what we're really praying towards is the presence of God, which is between the cherubs, which is still buried on the Temple Mount. Now, the Talmud tells us that this these cherubs one had a one was like a teenage girl and one was a teenage guy and you ready for a miracle? You ready for something miraculous? That they didn't teach you in Hebrew school, that's for sure. They were making out. You like, "Making out? They were made out of gold. Rabbi, what are you talking about? They were made out of gold. They're They're They're They're They're They're They're figurines. They're idols. They're idols. They don't make out. Shut up." The Talmud says they were making out, all right? But that's impossible. It was miraculous. Okay? Really I mean you like you can't believe that. Check out the Gemara Yoma. In other words, it was miraculous, but they were actually making out. Why? What's that about? And that's suddenly a little bit problematic I mean because after all I mean aren't we talking about the holiest place in the world where this God him the presence of God himself emanates from to the whole world? Isn't this the holiest place on earth for the Jewish people? And suddenly we got two major problems. First of all, there's idols in there? God himself is telling me to make golden idols? Idols? Doesn't it 10 Commandments? That's just the 10 Commandments. You're not allowed to make idols. But huge problem number one. Huge problem number two like they're making out. It's not exactly modest. This is not exactly Hasidic. This is not exactly a a Yeshivish. This is not exactly a a Haredi. You have a guy and a girl making out in the Holy of Holies. And what the heck is going on here? Listen carefully what the Talmud teaches us. And this is really the found This is really the beginning of all Judaism. The beginning of all Judaism is right here. You want to understand anything about Judaism? Understand this. If you don't understand this, you actually don't understand the most basic foundation of Judaism. Now there is a real mic drop. I'm not going to I'm not going to drop this mic, but that's actually a mic drop. If you don't understand what I just said, and you don't understand what I'm about to say, you actually don't understand Judaism at all. Why is Why is there a guy and a girl making out in the Holy of Holies? I just like exposed this big mystery. It's going to be like a tabloid, you know. Look what's going on here in the Holy of Holies. Yeah. Because God himself says I didn't I didn't decide that. God decided that. God says in the Torah, here's what I want you to do. I want you to make this This place is the place that I'm going to be. Why? Because that face of the guy is going to be me. Symbolizes me, God. And the face of the girl symbolizes you, the Jewish people. And and I want to I want to marry you. I want to marry you. As the Talmud says, a verse that we all know, Torah tziva lanu Mosha Who knows the next word? Say it. Torah Torah Torah Torah tziva lanu Mosha Morasha kehilat Yaakov. Says the Gemara, don't read it Morasha. Morasha which means inheritance. It also reads as me'urasa, it means marriage. God married us at Mount Sinai. God married us at Mount Sinai. The book of Song of Songs, which is a book which is rated very much rated R for very graphic description of uh a love relationship between a man and a woman. I assure you you haven't read that in English. Most Many Bibles don't even translate it because it's so off color, but it's description of the intense uh very graphic, very intense love relationship between God and the Jewish people. What's that about? Well, God loves the Jewish people. And God what in the Torah wants us to know that if this the main thing you need to know about Judaism is I have a huge crush on you. I have a huge crush on you. Right? That's what God wants. God wants to be married to the Jewish people. You know what happened at Mount Sinai? God kissed us. At Mount Sinai, God married us, married the Jewish people. It's not me, the Talmud says this. At Mount Sinai, God married the Jewish people and kissed us. And I dare you. I dare you. I'm not even going to say this these words cuz I I I I I can't bring myself to say it. But I dare you to to look at the very first verse in the Song the book of the Song of Songs and look at Rashi and look how Rashi describes that kiss. Rashi this is Rashi describing the kiss of God to the Jewish people. I mean you can't believe that Rashi is using this language explaining the details of the kiss, the type of kiss that God gave the Jewish people which is unexpected in the words of Rashi but he he teaches us because we need to know Judaism. That's Rashi's job is to teach it to us. Right? So let's go back to the beginning. What is it about Bar Mitzvah? What is What happening in Bar Mitzvah? Why is Bar Mitzvah a big deal? Why do we celebrate Bar Mitzvah? It's suddenly like a big joy. What what who cares about Bar Mitzvah? Big whoop. So a kid turned 13 years old. So what? Girl turned 12 years old and back and again back to our question. Why should it 13 for a boy and 12 for a girl? Like why the discrepancy? The answer the answer the answer is because Judaism is not a religion. Judaism is a relationship. And the way I like to say this is if you can't if you can't have a relationship then you can't have a relationship. If you don't know how to love then you don't know how to love. If you can't have a love relationship with a woman then you can't have a relationship with God. Do you appreciate that? You appreciate that. If you can't have a relationship with a woman, you can't have a love relationship with God. And when is it that somebody is able to have a love relationship? You can't be intimate with a woman if you're you know, if you're 10 years old, it just doesn't go. Do I need to explain that to you? It doesn't work. There's no It's not a real relationship. There's nothing really happening. When is it that the the the the world of romance opens up for a person? The answer is puberty. According to Jewish law, according to Jewish law, a a person becomes a Jew when they hit puberty. And the rest is very simple. When does a girl reach puberty? At the age of 12. When does a boy reach puberty? At the age of 13. That's just Those are the facts of life. The facts of life. And therefore, before you hit puberty, you're not Basically, to say it this way, to use the language we're using, God doesn't really pay any attention to you. God doesn't basically Basically, doesn't really notice you. It's kind of like back in summer camp. Let's go back to that kid in summer camp. Yeah, he was He was He was 11 years old. He was 12 years old trying his best to get the attention of a 13-year-old girl. Didn't work. But, guess what? He comes back the next year, and the year after that, suddenly he's like, you know, again once again, he's all of 13 or 14. But, this time, you know, he's a little bit taller. He almost has like a little bit beginning of a mustache, you know, if you look carefully. You know, and his voice changed. He's like, suddenly he's like, "Hey, you know, like Jenny, you want to go for a walk?" And suddenly, even though she's a year older, she looks at him and she's like, "Yeah." You know what happens in that moment? You know what happens in that for that kid in that moment? He's like dancing and singing. The kid's never been so happy. Suddenly, or even better, he didn't even ask her. She walks up to him. She walks up to him. In the first week of the next year, she's like, "Hey, Josh, want to go for a walk?" HE'S LIKE, "YES! YEAH!" HE GOES BACK TO THE BUNK. HE TELLS all his old He tells all his friends. You know why he's happy? Cuz she noticed You see, you know what happens in your bar mitzvah? Suddenly, God really cares about what you do. He really cares. He's like, "Hey, could you please Could you put on tefillin? Could Could you please Could you please do Shabbat with me? Could you please not eat the bacon? And could you please eat eat kosher food?" And like last year, he didn't really notice you. He didn't really care about you. You know why? Cuz you're not able to have a relationship with him. You're not able to have a love relation There is no opportunity to step into a real, authentic, sincere, genuine love relationship. You're a little child. But once you're Once you're old enough to to to romance a woman, once a woman is old enough to romance a man, a real have a real love relationship, God's right there. Right there. Right there. So, you want to know the concept of a bar mitzvah? It's an unbelievably joyous experience. Joyous moment in a person's life. God really cares about you. He's Everything you do counts. You're a It's official. God loves you. Right? You have You step into a relationship with God. You know what that's like? It's going to sound a little heavy, but just to to to make this clear for us. You know what that's like? That's like a wedding. Again, it sounds a little bit intense. But at a Jewish wedding, you know, when a kid someone's 25, they get married, there's a lot of joy. There's a wedding. That's what happens when you're 25. But guess what? When you're bar or bat mitzvah, that is when it's like, at least conceptually, it's like a wedding between that child, he's not a child anymore, that man all of 13 and that girl all of 12, they step into a relationship with God, a love relationship with God. It's like a lick It's like a It's a conceptually It's like philosophically It's like a It's like a lick of like beginning of a of a wedding. Certainly require Certainly Certainly calls for a great celebration. Oh, this special real close love relationship between God and man. And there you have it, folks. There you have it. We've We've answered our questions. This is what Bar Mitzvah is about. This is what the celebration of a Bat Mitzvah is about. This is the reason why a Bar Mitzvah why a boy is is is has the celebration at 13 and why a girl has the celebration when she reaches puberty at the age of 12. This is why there's a uh uh uh you know a girl is suddenly obligated in mitzvahs. It's not obligated in mitzvahs. It's invited to the prom. God invites her and says, "Hey, you're old enough to have a relationship. You're old enough to have real love. Okay, I I want to have a relationship with you first. Right? That's what I want." So, she gets invited to God's right? To to so to speak to to to have a a love relationship with God when she turns 12. And the boys are It's the boys who are left out of the party. They don't get They don't get to enjoy the the the the close emotional uh uh relationship when they're 12. Right? Only when they're 13. This is This is really all of Judaism in a nutshell. This is really all of Judaism in a nutshell. Judaism is is is is a relationship much more than it is a religion. And just to close the circle, right? This place and this space between the cherubs, right? where again, the God so to speak says, "I want you to make a golden figure in the in the face to face of a teenage boy. And the face of a teenage girl, and you know what? Let's play house. I'll be the guy. I'll be the daddy. You'll be the mommy." So, God says, "I'll be the daddy. I'll be the man the man the boy cherub the boy crew. You'll be the mommy. And like we'll play house. We're going to make out. We're going to move in together. That's why no one no one's allowed to go into the holy of holies. It's it's private. In fact, the Bible itself in the book of Divrei Hayamim calls it the cheder hamitot. Translation? The bedroom. The bedroom. These are not my words. I would I would not not my words, the Bible's words. There [laughter] is the bedroom. The bedroom? Why is God called the bed? It is. It's the bed between God and the Jewish people. Do you walk into someone's bedroom? You're not allowed to walk into the the holy of holies. It's too it's too intimate. It's too private. It's too personal. Right? That is the place that till today we speak to God. You know what else? That is the place that forever and ever from the beginning of the from the from the story of the Bible from this week's parashah until today, that's the place where the Torah emanates from. God says to Moses again in parashat Terumah, "I will speak to you from between the cherubim. I God will speak to you, Moses, all of the messages of Torah that God gives to the Jewish people that he spoke to Moses and Moses told it to the Jewish people, all came from between the cherubim." It's a verse in the Bible. We just read it this week. Right? V'no'adeti l'cha sham bein u'vein hakruvim. God speaks to the Jewish people. What's what's in the box? What's in the holy ark? What's in the box? The tablets. Right? The luchos that that God gave gave Moshiach on Mount Sinai, and later on the actual Torah scroll that Moshiach wrote at Mount Sinai. Or Moshiach wrote. I dictated by God. In other words, the all of the Torah is What happens when we learn Torah? All the Torah is God speaking to the Jew. God speaking to the Jewish people. That's what the Torah is. When we learn Torah, God speaks to us. He's speaking to us. And when we pray, when we daven, we're speaking to God. And guess where it's coming from? It's all coming from the same place where heaven and earth kiss. Right here. Till today, we face all Jews face the Kruvin. As we turn and we speak to God. And till today, all the Torah that we have comes through that place. It's all that portal of the love relationship between God and the Jewish people. Judaism is a relationship. This is the secret. This is the secret to understanding how Judaism works. Right? And And once you understand that, it's so Excuse my language. Excuse my language. It's so sexy. It's so sexy. It's It's so intimate. It's so rich. If you don't understand this, all of Judaism is like a pain in the neck. Do this. Do this. Do this. Do this. Do this. Just a burden. This law. That law. This law. Oh my gosh. It's like, "What do you want from me, God?" Because if you just have rules with no relationship, it's it's it's heavy. It's a burden. But if you have a relationship, a love relationship, who cares if my wife says, "Could you please do that? Go here. Check this out for me. Help Help me with that." It's all that. It's not a burden. It's love. If you're in a love relationship, everything is easy. If you're not in a love relationship, it's like, "I can't do this. I can't do that. I have to do this. I don't like that. So annoying. Gents, here we have the secret of Bar Mitzvah. Here we have the the truth the truth about what how Judaism works and the celebration of Bar Mitzvah. I bless you and bless me back with a with with a very fulfilling, very meaningful, very wholesome very satisfying love relationship. Amen. And thanks for listening, gents.