What Has Science Discovered about Love?

What makes us like another person? The scientific answer is going to surprise you, though. In 1969, psychologists John Jecker and David Landy conducted a fascinating experiment. Students participated in a task and won money, but then the researcher approached some of them with an unusual request. My private research budget has run out. Would you mind returning the money to me as a personal favor? What happened next revealed a surprising human mechanism. When the students were asked to rate how much they liked the researcher, those who did him a favor and returned the money rated him as a much more likable and sympathetic person than the students who kept the money for themselves. This phenomenon, known in science as the Benjamin Franklin effect, proves a principle that is the opposite of conventional logic. We don't just do favors for people we like. We start to like people because we did them a favor. This scientific finding connects with perfect precision to one of the deepest ideas in Judaism. In his treatise on kindness, Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler formulates the ironclad rule, giving birth love. Love is not an emotion that simply lands on us from heaven, but rather the result of investment. When a person gives to someone else, they're bestowing a part of themselves, and thus a deep and genuine connection is formed. To create a meaningful connection, you don't need to wait for the feeling to appear on its own. Simply find a way to do good for the other person.