How And When To Think About Your Wife

The Gemara says that someone who gets who arouses himself deserves a severe punishment. Is it mutar to get aroused as a result of our thinking of your wife? >> You want me to pick anyone or do you start it or what? >> Uh so it depends how you think about your wife. Depends what you thinking about your wife and depend where your wife is when you're thinking it. Now, the Shulchan Aruch says that if you have a dream you have a dream and you see your wife in the dream in a provocative way and it gets you hot. If you wake up and she's right next to you, don't touch her. You're not allowed. You're not allowed to touch your own wife. Why? The woman you saw in your dream is not your wife. It's the Satan's wife pretending to be your wife. No woman that you're ever going to see in your dream is your wife. The only women that's in your dream is the Satan's wife. Meaning that you have to wait until you calm down, you're not as hot anymore, and then you could be with your wife if you want. But, you're not allowed to be. So, that's that's one. So, if you if you thought about your wife through some dream, then throw that dream in the in the toilet. Now, if you thought about your dream and your wife and she's right there, what do you think about? She's right next to you. You thought about your wife when she's not there, that's a little bit dangerous. Why? What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Okay, so great. So, she's beautiful, she's great, she's great. What are you going to do now? What do you think you're allowed to waste heat on your wife? What do you think you can do? Nothing you can do. So, don't think. It's better to think about what your wife when she's there. And that's the that's the thing that nobody wants to do. Why? That's the hard part. Why? You have to pay attention to her cuz she wants to talk. And not just do what you want. And you have to listen. And so on and so forth. That's what marriage is all about. You have to listen, she talks, you listen, she talks, and eventually you get some time to talk. The point is, my botai, that's a relationship. That's a relationship. That's it. You want to do that? That's good. You don't want to do that, then what? You want to think about her like she's a some steak? Some 16 oz steak or something? So, it's a right it's a right place and a right time to think about your wife. If your wife is not there, it's very dangerous to think about her in a provocative way. Obviously thinking about her in nice things, good things, you're supposed to. Generally speaking, it's a important also Hazal teaches that if you're married already, before if you're going to go away for an extended period of time to be together, before you go, don't go for an extended period of time without talking. Make sure that you have a solid relationship with your wife. That's really the key. There's a a whole class about Shalom Bayit, but the key is to make sure that to know there's a time and a right place to do everything. Not just you can't just do anything you want whenever you want. Just because it's allowed to eat doesn't mean you have to eat everything. Just because it's kosher doesn't mean you can eat as much as you want. Everything has a time and a place. That's the difference between Judaism and everything else in the world.