How Do You Overcome Jealousy?

Hi, this is David Wolowsky with our question and answer series. What are practical tips for someone who is extremely jealous of everything and anything anyone else has from people, siblings, belongings, personality, friends, and even people's sufferings and scars. And it's not coming from someone who's suffering in any of these areas. You know, middos are allotted. You're born with certain middos. We all know this. There are certain kids who are born who are come to the point of being phlegmatic. They never work themselves up. Somebody asked me once, "What's it like to get angry?" I've never gotten angry in my life. I don't even know how to do it. And other people are born like me, angry. I used to have temper tantrums as a child. Now I have temper tantrums as an adult. But uh you know, I had to struggle with anger. Other people don't. Yeah? Some people have a much easier time being happy, and some people are sad sacks. Think Eeyore. Can't you see the cake? Can't you see the balloons? Can't you see, you know? Yeah, he's just always sad, and they draw him with a little cloud rain cloud over his head. He's always sad. Some people are just born sad. It's an avodah for them to be happy. Certain people are um uh extroverts. They love being around people, having people around, etc. Other people don't want anybody in their home. It For them, hachnasas orchim is a terrible nisyun. They don't like having people around. Yeah? It's is it's certain of your your middos and your nature is at birth. That's how you're born. Of course, that doesn't mean anything. I can do with it whatever I want. So, some people are born with the meter of kinah. They're jealous. From the time they're children, how come he got one I didn't? How come I didn't get that? How come his piece is bigger? How come this? It's part and parcel of us, yeah? Pessach Krohn says he had a sister who was always jealous. So, my father, he said, my father of a shalom used to have her slice the pieces of cake and give them out. So, you know, learn learn to be more of a giver instead of a taker, right? So, the Mesillas Yesharim says that there is nothing in this world that is more foolish than being jealous. Because I'm jealous of your car. So, what happens when I'm jealous? I don't get it. You don't lose it. And all I do is eat myself up alive. And that's why it says jealousy rots the bones. It just eats you up on the inside. You spend that whole time. What you need to work on is bitachon. You have to have bitachon. You have to know that there's a God and he has never forgotten about you. And he's going to give you what you need to be successful, which will not be the same thing. So, if you're Batman, who's basically a psychopath who dresses up like a bat and fights people, you don't have any special powers, for you to fight uh um General Zod is ridiculous. He'll just burn you up with his heat vision. There's nothing you can do about it. Yeah, it's not even a contest. There was a short film someone showed me once that won uh an award for short animated films. It was called Bambi Meets Godzilla. And it's a very short film. You know, you just see, you know, all the credits and then Bambi comes out and the butterflies are there and she looks around and she goes, and a bigfoot goes squish and that's it. Okay, so that's why Batman will basically fight other crazy people dressed up in crazy outfits. He'll fight the Joker, he'll fight the Penguin, you know, he'll fight the Riddler, another guy who's dressed up in a crazy outfit who's also insane. So, the two insane people will punch each other out. That's basically what you're going to have. Superman for him to fight the Joker would be ridiculous. He'd just fly and pick him up and drop him in jail. So, that would be So, he has to fight a Kryptonian. He has to fight Doomsday. He has to fight the Brainiac 5, you know? He has to fight things that are in his wheelhouse. Obviously, Spider-Man is only going to fight people who also are able to climb buildings. >> [laughter] >> Well, so like okay, so the Vulture can fly, but okay, but you know, but they basically, you know, he comes to attack him while he's on a building, you know, etc. Iron Man will basically fight other people in iron suits, you know what I mean? That's how it works, you know, and the two of them will zap each other, you know? Cuz you go up to people who have the powers that you need. Therefore, you don't get everything that you want in life, you get everything that you need. I'll give you a simple example. Uh this has been documented. People win the lottery and it destroys their life. Cuz they don't have the skills necessary to handle millions of dollars. They're uh they're ordinary folk and they can't really do more than that. Uh when we did Pygmalion in high school and I played Alfred Doolittle, Eliza's father, who is described as amoral. So, he comes to hit up these people for money cuz, you know, they he thinks they took his daughter for immoral purposes, which he doesn't care. Just he wants to get some money out of it, you know. He wants to get like 5 lb. So, he says, "This is too good. Let's give him 10." He says, "No, no, 10 is too much money. Then people will hit me up for money. I don't want to be in that position." There was a guy in Israel who won the lottery and his life was over. Cuz people were knocking on his door, young fellas, demanding money. You You didn't do anything to get it. Give it to us. You know, schools were saying, "If you don't give us the money some money, we'll throw your kids out, you know." All crazy, crazy. Eventually he had to move to America cuz his life was over from winning the lottery. And I'm pretty sure that's why I've never won the Powerball. Even though when I'm in America, I always buy a Powerball. And I keep hoping that I could borrow figures. I think he's ready now for half a billion dollars. I think he can handle it. But at this point, apparently not. [laughter] That would just wasn't in the cards for me. The Kodesh Baruch Hu obviously didn't think I could stand up to that nisayon. Um I remember when I moved to Israel, I had part ownership in the building that I was going to be living on and I was sitting and learning. And uh and then they got hit with multi-million dollar tax bill. I didn't get any money from it. So, I had to leave and go out and work. And before this happened, my chavruta said to me, "You know you're not going to get money from that building." I said, "Why?" Just cuz the Kodesh Baruch Hu knows that if you don't need any money, you won't do anything for Klal Yisrael. You You only go out and do it for the money, you know. I said, "When they write my biography, it'll be called All for the Bucks, you know." So, um uh so I always tell myself, whatever I'm supposed to get I'm going to get. And whatever I don't get, I wasn't supposed to get. That's it. You know? Um One of the best mussar shmoozin I saw was when I was in Steak Hammel 1973 and I was coming back on an El Al flight. And uh then back then you didn't have individual screens. They used to have a big screen in the front which was very hard not to see, you know? I tried not to watch but I I really couldn't help myself and had subtitles so I could read along, you know? I didn't even have to put on my earphones then. Anyway, um when the this guy wants to con the fellow who killed his friend, he says, "Why do you want to con him?" He said, "Cuz I don't know about kill enough about killing to kill him." He's so the older con man says, "All right, but we're going to figure out how much we can get out of this guy and you're going to be happy with that cuz you're not getting any more." I thought, "What a mussar shmooze." That's it. Figure out how much you're going to get and that's what you're going to get and and be happy with that cuz you're not getting any more. Aizu ashir sameach b'chelko. So, I've tried to incorporate this into my life and say, "The Kodesh Baruch Hu knows who I am and he knows what I need, you know?" And I have never been let down yet. I've had hard times, needless to say. Um when I had my heart attack, so uh um before Rosh Hashanah of the next year, somebody said, "So, what do you want for this next year?" I said, "Just a better year than this year." And he says to me, "You ingrate, you just told me that two of the doctors said you should have died and God kept you alive and all you can do is complain?" I said, "You're right. I want a year just like this year because Kodesh Baruch Hu actually saved me." Yeah? How could you have a salvation if you don't find yourself getting into trouble. So, there's no question that's a wonderful thing. So, therefore I always try to remember if I didn't get it, it's not mine. You don't want to steal, right? You don't want to be a thief. If I didn't get it, it doesn't belong to me. So, I was going to Osha Road and I saw this great spot, but I was an over confident. I figured I would turn around so I'd be pointed in the right direction to pull out. As I'm pulling around, someone else takes the spot. The person with me says that guy took your spot and I said, "If it was my spot, he couldn't have taken it." Can you read? Wasn't my spot. So, you need to work on your bitachon. That's the only uh cure for jealousy and you know I'm getting everything I'm supposed to get. And if I don't get it, I wasn't supposed to get it. It wasn't meant for me. There's nothing to be jealous about. This is David Alansky with our question and answer series.