Challenging Shmiras Halashon Questions - Rabbi Yakov Zev Smith

Hey, wait. One thing. You're not going to come up. Okay. Yeah. >> [snorts and clears throat] >> Sunday. Today we have discussed to have with us like every Sunday morning on the very important topic of challenging shavita. Someone asked me this question. He his boss told my I want this report in by Monday morning. It's timesensitive. Make sure you do it. M he did it. He gave it in Friday afternoon. The boss calls him Monday afternoon. He's all upset. Where was the work? I told you I need it. How come you didn't finish it? and he did finish it. What happened? The secretary forgot to give it over to the boss. Can he say it's not my fault I gave it to the secretary? Is that lush? Another question. And we'll see there's loads of them in between. Someone never fell into a terrible marriage. It was almost a mech come out. You got to get and now he wants to remarry and people are spreading rumors that it's his fault. What's he allowed to say to be able to find the and this is the world we're holding in today where people are asking sh and such sensitive issues you know but we have to have this the clarity to know what to do a person wants to be vindicated from a something he never even did. Can he say something that will imply that someone else did something wrong? So really this is a big suga. I plan on doing a lot more and the other sh that we wrote on the uh on the sign but we'll have to just trim it to this suga. When something was wrong done wrong and he's being blamed for it when could he clear his name and say it's not my fault. So the embassy the first line of defense is when you say if I say he did bad that's lash. If I said I did it it's not my fault. I didn't say who did it. Maybe it's only a grandma. Maybe now that's wrong in says even is awesome. In fact, even without a word, even without saying anything, it's awesome. Facial expressions making a you know says a criminal like he makes a mo move with his nose. They touch the the famous with a facial gesture you could kill someone and it's in in writes in in the test based on that lash is always only a ga you don't do anything directly you don't punch someone you say something that causes azik so there's no doubt about it lashar is even if it's not befarish even if it's only a gramma even if it's not even with words. So the fact that I said it's not my fault but if someone understands whose fault it is that still could be lush. So now we're really back to square one. So what do we do with all of our shas? So the em is people say well listen this is not fair. If I don't say anything I'm going to be blamed for not giving in the report. Can't I save myself and my name? After all, now the boss won't like me. He'll he'll think I'm irresponsible. Can't I protect myself from damage? So the emphasis is at first glance that's not convincing because as we know the says ina beginning of Zion that a person has to be willing to give up all of his money not to be the points out even on the person has to watch his his house burning down the is to do all the money in the world doesn't justify Right. So now the sh is who said it's for me to say it's not my fault even if I have a a saying and I writes in two places in a person has to be willing to forfeit even give up his job not to talk. So here do we where do we go from here? So this is the beauty of learning how had a had a command on mishas every gmorra he took studied learned listen to a gorabdra says they brought a get in front of and he didn't seeman there was no date he goes what kind of gate is without so said no it's there but it was a g mikusha which means that the gate was sealed it was closed part of the gate was closed So you open it up, you'll see this is mine. But Rebi was not happy. And Rebi says, "What kind of get is this? Don't write. Write a normal get. Don't write a get. Musha." So Rab Shiman who was being suspected of doing the wrong thing said, "I didn't write to get. You wrote to get. Don't blame me." Zimar that Rebi responded. Stop that lash har. What are you blaming someone else? Aha. This is mish what we're looking for to say I didn't do it. It's his fault is lash says but not so fast. If you look at the rashbam this bam is instead of the rashi bam says you shouldn't say yehuda did it. All you have to do is say it's not my fault. Who did it? It's not my business. So we do see you're allowed to clear your name. You're allowed to say I didn't do it but not necessar to say whose fault it is. Let me tell you another actually says the Mishna when there's a Bez that that's deciding making a sack and of course go. So after the walking out of Bezen one dying turns to the one that lost the loser. He says, "I want to tell you I voted for you, but what should I do? The my colleagues voted against you." Say that and says, "It's not my fault I voted for you. It's someone's fault." A second that you can't say it's not my fault. Okay, grab this a little bit gear question on the but you look at the quotes both and in the beginning the quotes and the adds this is an issue of lash oh so now we see saying it's not my fault could be and I must tell you although the mish is talking about in cloud saysd it's actually the which in those days they were like the the board of directors they made decisions you can't say you know I really voted in your favor but the other ones outvoted me so now we see unbelievable ria saying it's not my fault is lashar but the biggest is A garran Amorra that we all learn, we all know. But it it cries out, "Explain me." The garra says, "Get me. We need seven people. We have to be madesh." And it looks around. And there were eight people there. So he goes, "Who came up without permission? I only wanted the seven, not eight. Who's violating my request?" So say, "Rabbi, it's my fault." Zakur that was not the wrongdoer. He was invited. So why did he say he came uninvited? Because because if he doesn't take the blame, the guilty party will have to say it's my fault and it'll be embarrassed. Not only he didn't shift the blame to the guilty party, he accepted the blame. He took the blame and he lied to but it's not only this story of gimmar is another story rebi was he was teaching giving a shia and he smelled the strong smell of garlic so he says who ate garlic and came to my so the says stood up and walked out as if he did it no but everybody knew didn't eat the garlic and they all followed So I don't tell him he took the blame what he didn't do. But the but the punch line is the end of the story is the garra says the next morning the son of rebi went over says you know it's how do you you were the one that my father why do you eat garlic he said not me I didn't eat garlic we'll soon see an incredible but a second story not only he didn't shift the blame [clears throat] but he took the blame the third story is really defies explanation Raa was sitting with his and a woman came in pardon me and said one of you terrible thing. So Raa stood up and gave her a get as if he did it. Now Raa did it. But of course once Raa gave a get they all gave a get. Then he might ask two more stories of similar nature, but they're all in the direction that not only you didn't say it's not my fault, but you said it is my fault when it wasn't. So now we have a very strong case to say merely saying it's not my fault is not so you can't say it's his fault. You can't say I it's not my fault. and said five stories that he actually took the blame. But again there's another gum and that's gor in where and they were sitting in front of the and you have to understand it on a the level but told his rebi and that was raun is bothering me and rahuna heard that he says rebi from now on I'm I'm able not to bother him. So after left, so the rebi turned to says, "I'm surprised at you. You're bothering your your your friend, he goes," says he did to me. So says, "So why don't you tell me earlier? He accused you and you were quiet. I thought you did something wrong." He says, "You think I'm going to embarrass someone?" So, we see two things. We see the incredible meas of Rahuna. He took the blame not to embarrass his colleague. But at the end of the day, what did he say? It's not my fault. He's the bad guy. Oh, so we see a to say it's his fault. But it's even more striking in that B rahuna had a terrible loss in in in Parosa 400 barrels of wine became spoiled. So his friends told him you better make because you know if something happened like this there's something wrong he said you tell me anything you hear about me bad I I'll do chuma goes yeah we heard about you you don't pay your worker Doris Rahuna was horrified I don't pay my worker Doris you know he steals everything of mine I should pay him too so here we see Rahuna saying blatantly it's not my fault it's his fault fault. Now, I can't say this with certainty, but the last two garums are both Rahuna. I wonder if it's the same Rafuna. You never know. There's other maybe it's different Rahuna is the Gomorra, but both of them are Rahuna. And both of them, he said, "It's not my fault." And he pointed to the guilty party whose fault it is. So now we have something very confusing. Are you allowed to say it's not my fault? Are you allowed to say it's his fault? So if this happens to be in it's not such a says apparently this was known to be a it was common knowledge when something is common knowledge it's not to say he did that wrong thing now the truth is in a different place in He says that when something is commonal it's not a to talk about it unless there's a but to talk bad about someone even everybody knows it's all in the papers it's all over unless there's a purpose but in this case there was a purpose he had to exonerate himself otherwise he's a ganif so is really not an issue he was a ganif well-known ganv and he did it for a purpose But what do we do with Basra and Sanhedrin? So here we come to a big really the whole was worth just for this which really has many implications in many different scenarios basically and that's the of a person ask you information about hiring a worker and you know that it's not a good the girl has or it's not a good worker. So develops this in now it's it's ironic whose call was he was a it's not in it's not in any of the po he was he developed it it just teaches you once again was not a he was em if it's you got to say the truth and says When you know there's in in someone that wants to be part of a hire a worker, a tenant, whatever it is, not only allowed to say negative information to no, but in the very same and improves When someone's about to suffer financial loss and you could stop him, stop it and you don't you're if someone's about to get into a or hire a worker or take a tenant that's going to make him miserable. That's the of you know we said it's it's really wrong because it's a mitzvah. So I guess not the better term but develops his and he says this of saying so now let's think if someone's accusing me of stealing or whatever it is and I want to say it's not me it's someone else isn't that a qualified I people are me I won't marry my children It's so it makes sense that if there's a if there's a I'm being accused in a in a wrong way, I'm allowed to speak up to say my reputation. So it's definitely a realis that would explain both with people are accusing him of terrible things. He's allowed to Plus again there's a kalash involve mim but now the question is what about the gor in bababas and so in bababash is notasha you want to clear your reputation fine all you have to do was to say it's not me why you have to say yehuda did it I'll say what's the difference so let me tell you when he speaks about the means not only I should mention not only if they ask you what do he say about this person for and you know he's a he's a dangerous person not only to say stay away from him but even if you're not asked and you know he's aim you're to take the initiative give unsolicited advice and say don't get involved with that person why because you don't have to say all the gory details just say listen I know that person I know you it's not a good trust me I don't want to do say anything else stay away is to accomplish that nothing bad will happen you don't have to say the details just say stay away and he brings a most incredible ria says alf and god it's one of the five stories that I mentioned earlier we Yeshua was fighting I and he's supposed to be a a victory and it was a massacre and Yeshua was told that someone did something wrong so the says he fell on his face. Help me. What should I do? So the told is what do you mean you you got to do some cha so Yeshua asked all innocence tell me who did it I'll get rid of him. So the person responded, "You want me to talk? Go and make a figure out who did it." And they found it was who was a terrible the whole how bad he was. It's pleas to save that Yeshua is talking to and is not going to tell him instead make a anyhow we found out who it was the that's the we don't talk period if we have to we have to but we if we can avoid it by saying stay way that's a better course of action. So that's why when you have a situation like this, you could say I didn't do it. Now even if they figure out if you didn't do it, then he did it. That's fine. As long as you didn't spill out with your mouth who did it, that is a lesser offense. And then what about the mission that is now say I I voted on your part, but they did it. Why is there a terrorist? very posited to the best of their ability. They do didn't do anything wrong. They didn't pask in against that person. They pasin the truth. So why are you saying it's not my fault? They did it. It's not true. They did nothing wrong. They pasined to the best of their ability. And I must mention and they pasin against someone and friends say, "Why' you take that? You should fight it." When someone walks out of bed, you know he's supposed to be told the inhale. He's supposed to go out singing I I was told the truth and I don't have someone else's money. He's supposed to go out happy that you got the right sack even if it means paying the money. But to go out angry. So when it was there was no there was noises. They did nothing wrong. If there's nois there's no and this is all in if something happened and that you're being blamed better say it's not me it's not my fault if there's no other choice and it's a real the other person did so based on the you're allowed to say it's not my fault it's his fault that would qualify as So this is basically the does add if it wasn't like we saw from Sanrin then you can't say it's the other person's fault because it's not his fault and we'll soon see some very practical examples when it might seem like it's an but it's not in that case it's not they're not how to do it to to hurt someone else for no reason or die in the past incorrectly is doing the right thing. Now let's apply this to the merit of shilas. We'll start with a simple shilmed in a class did something wrong and the reby's upset. He doesn't know who did it. He has no clue. Can a go say I'm not going to say who did it. I didn't do it. So that's because by saying I didn't do it, he's not saying who did it the the ne the remaining 25 boys whatever whoever's left in the class. So there he's not implicating anybody else. What he's doing is the Rebi shouldn't be angry and he has a right to say that I didn't do it. Now next question which is unfortunately very common when the rebi by the first epsack I saw inv that if you say I didn't do it and there's still a lot of people that might have done it so there's no lion but the next question is a much more serious question where the rebi cannot figure out who did it and he has to discipline the wrongdoer can the rebi say tellbak if you don't tell me who did it I'm going to punish you cuz you're not listening to me. Can the Rebi give an ultimatum? You must tell me who did it. So the iss like that. So they all say that if the Rebi has no way to figure out how to who did it, you know, then he has no choice. Now And don't ask boys. Find out. But let's he can't he could give a child ultimatum. Tell me or else was asked this question and he says it's it's disgusting for Rebi to do that. Not because Allah it's awesome but a Rebi is training his children his to talk. Tell me or else you know the boy goes home says my rebi forced me to be a I heard that one story once. So is not saying it's awesome but he's saying need not now refers that I don't understand it's not but we once discussed this at length but I think the is talking with younger boys and you can't tell them there's a it's a mitzvah it's above their comprehension if you have or even older and they can be explained it's we have to run a yeshiva the baka that's doing that is ruining it for the whole for the the whole class you know there's a there's you know they say to send the out of yeshiva but to keep him in the yeshiva so maybe with younger children you're sending a bad message it's not worth it with older if you can explain to them they can understand it's not you're not being a mo you're not a snitcher you're That would be a and that wouldn't really defeat the purpose. Question. Someone did an a someone broke something and Ruven is the prime suspect. Ruv did not do it. So he says I didn't do it. That's not enough because if you know who broke the window and he's not admitting on his own, you have a of someone broke a window. He doesn't want to pay. So how could you say it's not my fault and walk away? So what should he do? What Ruven should do is go to the mazik in private say listen you broke one you have to pay. All right now I'm out of but I'm if you're not going to pay I'm going to have to tell the person who did it. See people say oh tails they run and they switch they they tell the person who gets all angry he ran away he he broke my window he didn't want to pay for it. Why do you have to do that for? If you could avoid it go to the maz and say please make a payment. I have this all the time. People have a complaint against and a teacher. So they call the principal. Is that right? First go to the teacher and discuss it. If he doesn't want to listen and you feel it's so important then you go to the man the principal. But go straight to to the to the the authority and and and you just bismerch the name of the teacher. That's not right. But in this case you go to the mazic in privacy. Listen, you have to pay. It's my responsibility. If you don't, I'm gonna have to I'm going to have to disclose your your identity. Next question. True story. A father told his ma boy, you know, I had a very busy week. I went to sleep to the shab this afternoon. Please don't make any noise. And there was noise and the father woke up and started yelling at his mitzvah boy. I sent you to me. You have a sift already. You're a big boy. How could you not listen to me? Lisa say it wasn't his fault. It was his younger brother's fault. Father didn't know. What should he do? So in this case is he's being blamed for what he didn't do. So what's he going to say? It's not my fault and who did it. And even then it's obvious there's only two boys in the house. But here I think there's another that would make it even easier to be when a a massifa boy is told don't make noise and he does that's a terrible and it's when a younger child who wasn't warned in advance makes noise that's that that's age appropriate. So if he says, "I'm sorry, Tati. I would never make noise. It was a little kayak. He was just a little wild." So the father is not angry at the young child. So if he keeps it and takes the blame, it's a terrible thing. The father's upset. If he says it's the young child and it's not much of an abla, oh that like we said earlier, when it's not really an abla, it's not lush and har. So in that case, it makes sense to say that really don't worry, I always listen to you. I will listen to you. And he wasn't warned. So this way it comes out that the ablah sort of just disappeared [clears throat] my someone did not show up or came very late both true to his friend good friend Sima and the friend is is very upset what really happened he was about to go and in the neighborhood case needed help and he said I please please I decided to help the the person it took much longer time he finished it wasn't to go to So can he say when he meets his friend it's not my faulty the begged me and he pushed me that's not necessary it might be mut if there's no other choice but there is a choice you could say listen I I was on the way to and something came up I had to help if you would know you would also be happy I didn't come doesn't that accomplish the same thing that's living a little bit you might say And therefore say the whole story. Why do that? Why get the bim angry at the case? You could accomplish the same by explaining I'm sorry I came up. I'm sure you you're happy. I helped a it's all very often it's like the same idea. You know people say someone's very very upset and he wants to vent. Can I can I say tell me what's bothering you? So discusses this but usually more often than not you know you can say you know I know you're angry. Don't tell me who who who who got you angry, but tell me exactly what he did. And the person starts to to to vent and and to, you know, let off steam and it's therapeutic and it helps. Why do we have to know who did that? That's part of his his therapy. You he tell you, you know who did it? Hey, let's get Why is that part of the therapy? Tell him to vent. Let him let in all the steam, but don't say a name. See very often if we live with the the fire of we find that don't lead us to make but this is a perfect example. Next question which is a also happened in comes up in in different forms but let's talk about a simple case. You hear someone that's yelling at someone else. Ruven is yelling at Chim. So you surprise Ruven. You go over to Ruven in private and you say, "Ruben, you know, I'm surprised I heard you yelling. What's it all about?" He said, "You know what he just did to me?" And you have a reason to believe that Ruven was right. Now question, was Ruven allowed to explain his actions? So that's if otherwise Ruven is left to be a an out of control that's [clears throat] so if Ruven could explain and tell you should know I I never act this way but he deserved it I I gave him a little bit Musa that's mut that's the that we spoke about next question and this is a sticky question it comes up many different form I'll give you one example I told you earlier the boss boss told his worker, "I need this report on my desk Monday morning." The worker did it on Friday. Gave it in a Friday afternoon. Monday afternoon, the boss calls him. I'm surprised at you. I told you I needed it. It sense timesensitive. Why didn't you do your job? And he's think I I gave in this the I I I gave to the boss a secretary on Friday. I finished it. Now, what does he do? If he says, "I did I gave it in or I did it." It's obvious secretary's fault here. It's not a question of one of many. Is he allowed to say I I did it or worse yet say I gave it to the secretary. Obviously she forgot Shabas it's busy. Whatever the story is. So here you have to really understand if there was an is on the secretary's part and it's not really an could we have a says you don't you don't have I'm sorry cuz if the other person did do didn't do something wrong maybe you have no the only is you allow point a finger to the guilty party but if it was an is the other person not guilty but then again is a is a And the second day should have made some type of reminder to give it in. So again, it's probably to say I'm sorry I gave it in. I don't know what happened to it. What a person or Yiddish to say, you know, I gave it in Friday afternoon. And maybe the secretary forgot it's, you know, it was a short Friday. It was hectic. But whatever the story is, try to let the boss understand that the secretary was not told by you that it's timesensitive. Put it to the side. So somehow that alleviates some of the anger that it's not my fault but in a case the following story someone called a home of one of his workers very important meeting please be there 9:00 in the office and he didn't show up. What happened? The boss gave it to one of the children who was as responsible as as a child and totally forgot to give it to the father. So here the the the worker when he's when he's berated the next day where you can say I never got a message or you gave it to my child you know he's only 10 years old did you tell him that tell my your father call back and confirm that you got the message see then already it's a little bit the of the other person but basically blaming a 10year-old is really understandable that the child can be expected for anything better so each case has to be dealt with individually but the is that If someone was pa and caused you to get into trouble, you tak it wasn't me. And if need be, say who was guilty. I why not say straight who was who was guilty? That's the one is aware that someone is spreading some nasty about them. What can he do in response? Now that's a question that there's no one cl because sometimes you know the other person thinks he's right. But beer cl if you fight fire with fire you never win. If someone's saying Russian har and you say back lash har so now you're really bad look you're saying lashian har. If someone's ruining your name you're allowed to do what what's necessary. But think before you do what's going to make it better or what's going to make it worse. Again, you're a nice person. Someone's saying nasty things about you. So, you're right. But when you start resorting to that type of lowly behavior of spreading lashar about the other person now will say correctly, oh, you see, look what he did. You know what he did yesterday? He said about me. And now you become even worse. So it's very hard to fight directly to maybe you could say I'm being quiet because I have nothing to say but I'm not going to stoop so lowly and hopefully the will have you will will see the of being a but even if technically it's it's mut to quote fight back it's usually not the right approach ai told about this is True story. A Rebi told the Baka, you should know I you heard I told you a certain uh ka in in the the in the policy of the yeshiva. I want to explain you. I told him that not you because he's he's pretty much at risk and if if I don't give him certain coolers, he's not going to make it through this man. It's not good for him. And that was the Rashiva's m with because he he was afraid that if he's in Mel, he'll just run off off Misha. Someone said asked the bak asked told me that my my my my friend is at risk. Isn't that hor? So the answer is that that's a good but think about it. This is the of the be with this troubled B. But if it gets around that he's being mal and the don't know why it's going to ruin the whole you know the whole why is he why why he doesn't come to the night we have to come the night like where's the plus this might be that the got that ka is well known that he's not he's he's t at risk so we have mish what the says with the story ra with the workers if it was well known that he's no good that the organif And you're not. So this would be a perfect example. The was not not trying to talk bad about that. He's trying to save him. But the has to know that we don't make exceptions except for the exceptional child and he's an exceptional child. So it was all done within the context of and that would be understandable. [clears throat] Someone was selling aim and aid saw a friend of his saw estrig. I don't have money. Please hold on to it. I'll be I'll be back in a few hours. Okay. Someone else came in saw the estrig and gave him double the price and he just sold it him finished. Gandi now his friend comes back with the money. Where's the estrig? Oh, you wouldn't believe it. Ploy. And he said the fell's name came and gave me double the money and forced me. I I didn't know what to say. Was that mut? So if indeed the plane he forced him, you know, took a gun to his head and forced him. No maybe but in test it's your you gave a word to first your friend and you sell it for more money. Now it could be right. He t said please please. I pushed you up but he didn't beat you up. It was your decision. And then who knew exactly what's going on in this world he said and did he really force you? You you were attracted to the double the money so you gave it to him. So now that's and this comes up in the business world in different context. A person is interested in a certain property in a deal whatever it is and someone else offers more money. Yeah. So you have to know yourself. You got to give it to him. But stop to give it to them and blame the other person. That's an we're talking about shifting the blame. We just lay not long ago par told us when as comes running looking for the so. So the question is obvious is shifting the blame from himself to is that so and the says that so why not so one of the there are number of but this is a beautiful that at this point before the before Jacob came believed as was an okay person and was willing to give him the bra but then he wondered what happened he went He went to do a to do a hunting. How did he lose the how did Yaka fool me? Must be as is one big farce. When your brother came and took the I see you're a phony. So Taka I gave it to him justly. So Sal has a whole different shot. He didn't want to give Jacob's he knows about he doesn't know about finances and making money but then when came with oh he could deal with it but the end of the day the simple is as you look at the As knew if if he didn't get the who else got it. So he wasn't telling him but he was telling him and that's the means got with as don't don't play around with Jacob stay away from him he has to you know before you I told you that Jacob got it but let me tell you don't start up with Jacob he has the so it's not a shifting the blame situation it's basically giving the right assessment of what happened. [clears throat] We heard the sh interesting sh of someone took a hair from getting into that from the and he said aha says this doesn't make sense and the had to hold himself back cuz his mach said that so in this case that could be that to say it's not my fault and my mach's fault that might be a problem because the mach said the best is understanding so he wasn't he wasn't a p it he wasn't a bal it's not ts plus maybe the tal Muhammad misunderstood the mache. So he say better yet I heard this once. I'm sorry but I heard the of course then then it would mitigate the problem. The next group of questions come up in many forms and that is basically when a decision has to be made again it could be in a in a board of a committee on a shul in a an apartment building. It could be in a camp hiring who a worker hiring a rebi yesa kit there's a decision has to be made and there's a vote can you if you're on that committee on that bez say I voted for you but what should I do you lost most voted against you so this is and the is the message when does something they're doing it to the best of their ability That's the that's the there's no and don't blame someone for nothing you did wrong. Again, tell people when you go to the Zion, you have to go out singing I don't have the question sometimes comes up a little more of a tricky issue. Let's say this question. A child very much wanted a bike for example. So his parents say no. We decided no. when the mother has the child in privacy, you know, I really want you to get that bike. But Tati said, "No, I can't fight with him. I'm sorry." That's wrong for two reasons. First of all, that's our Mishna. Don't blame the father. He did what he thought is best. But worse than that, this is a terrible when a when a parent is telling a child that we don't we're not on the same page. It's a terrible. And you know, it's a famous, but it has a lot of truth to it. When you see and all what he does wrong is in other words a child that has a healthy that his parents are on the same they have the same they're on the same page they have the same in life they have the same decision then he has a stable when his parents are always disagreeing so the child says you know all you guys it's just confusing he says this he's that let me say my own when a child is gets a firm decision from parents no that's healthy if the one parent says it's not my fault it's the other a terrible and also it's a violation of our of our should mention I saw this one of the if let's say a person asks a child about a chicken for example today about whatever it is and the r comes looks let me come back I need a few hours look into it and the r says you know I thought it's m but happened another r was in my study and he said it's assa and I going to listen to him say a you if you want to follow that other r so take the what are you shifting the blame you're making the person feel like he lost because someone else got involved if you think the other r is right you could say I I'm sorry that I'm sorry I'm telling you the thee the chicken is tra don't shift the blame it's says even and in a sack of a next group of questions which is also again a group for itself which is very challenging is the after he says this whole that you're allowed to say I didn't do it and if it's allowed to say who did it he says the following you're allowed to say I didn't do it you're allowed to say he did it when You could say, "I didn't do it." He did it. But you're going to embarrass that person. He did it. If should say, "I did it." Where get this extraordinary? I didn't do it. What? I did. I I didn't do it that I began five stories. As we told you the story says that means something outrageous like that did it and then he adds and that's also he says if something [clears throat] was done wrongly now this is getting worse not only you have to take the blame you have to lie said I did it. I didn't do it didn't say he's just walked down and gave her a get so that bothered me. So the issue is that why did the have to have a safe and what's wrong with the gor is very posit when raha gave a get what happened no one thought he did they all gave a get like said he said people they say things about me so what happens now I'm not only a sadic I'm also anov I can't get I get away from all this when he said I did it or when he just act as if he did it everybody knew he wasn't But saying the is talking to me and you even me and you should take the blame. But the question is why? Why not to and number two am I allowed to lie? So the issa because if it's mut why can't I just step away from the problem. So if you look up the source in the you'll see some key points. First of all, you'll see that you're not supposed to lie. Doesn't lie. Don't say you broke the window cuz it's not true. You know why? It's true. And we all have a little part in someone else's wrongdoing. Says don't lie. just say okay but the himself in tough memes says a person is allowed to lie in order to prevent embarrassing someone else what's his so now the plot is thickening you're allowed to lie you're not only allowed to lie but this you know the modified it to meet but there's definitely an in to take the blame I it's so the is the answer is you look you're allowed to even lie not to someone if I have to put that in a line of what it means that was embarrassed even though he did a allowed to allowed for the bush of one person. No, isn't that enough a reason that you're allowed to lie and you're allowed to take you maybe half take the blame? We just l not long ago to was willing to give up her life and the life of those that she was carrying. wonder if that's true, why isn't it in one of the it is it's included inis holds probably that it's what that means you know there's a perish on the in the new print it's from the bal pelates He says a govern with such simplicity. It it blew my mind. So let's say someone comes to your people come to your house and you're missing a very expensive beam. One of them must have pocketed it. Don't say everybody stop before you walk out. I'm going to check you if you have the ah you ought to get back your he says yeah but the ganif is being on an isa of gene that's but if you're going to find you're going to catch the gan with other people around that's much worse now you're allowed to get back your probably have to get back later I'm not I'm not sure what his plan is but he took it seriously is is is but to me what the biggest P is I'm going to tell you and I'll tell you who said it after let me tell you you learn the G that that said who ate this garlic it's bothering me walked out the next and they all walked out the next day son of Rebi said told why' you get my why you get my rather angry. So the kash is obvious. You learn the story where walked out. Maybe they thought he did it. But everybody else walked out. Why? They knew he didn't do it. So everybody knew he didn't do it. So what are you saying? You messiah my father. The terrors is he wasn't angry about the garlic. He was angry that the whole Shia stopped early. Everybody walked out in the middle of giving a shardam early dismissal. So you know what answered back is terrible but the is much worse that's why I did it sounds like a you know who says it that's was made was written is true but from the we You know they say I'm all the terrors. Why is it so bad? You have to lie and take the blame. The answer is exactly it's so bad someone else. What's the ticket to he's out of the is even though is not he's guilty but even that and that five stories but the end of the day is a guiding force in our lives if you ask me if takes the blame and no one believes he did it anyhow it's fine if makes the blame and People say, "Wow, I can't believe it's terrible." Maybe in that case, you shouldn't take the blame because is very important. But the voiceap takes the blame and people believe it, he shouldn't do it. But in a case where it's just going to be a sitk and and he's deflecting it from someone else that we can understand in this situation he should not take the he should not worry about himself and be considered by others this the story is printed in many he was a regular young man is according to his own and all of a sudden he had a tremendous what happened pardon me someone that was jealous of him and hired an Arab woman that worked in the k where they were learning to say that he did terrible things with her and the rumor got around and the the the was devastated. How's he going to disprove? She's screaming. He did a terrible thing to her. A while went by by and she started seeing that she's getting punished what she did. And she came to she begged for he said fine I'm going to tell everybody the story. He said don't because already there was a what I did. Now we're going to part two. My honestly just keep quiet whatever wis it will be that that moment that he was and was ga on this on this terrible terrible defamation of character he felt like the opened up him and he wrote the and many other so it's worth it you know has a tremendous to it and I should say the sh began with someone all of a sudden there a breakup of a of an engagement. There was engaged now was o or or a marriage fell apart. A partnership was dissolved. Uh a worker was fired and everybody's talking. Their rumor is galore. Question is, can I say what really happened? Is the the the had emotional problems. No one told us. Some say it's even can I say that it's not my fault. I want to I want to start a again. So here this is pashis. If you're talking about Tayelis, I have to be married. I have to find a a different job. People saying bad things about me. So the say is if you're 110% certain that you are right and they are wrong and but who knows that you know you ever see every say people saying I'm wrong I'm wrong people are screaming he's an and the worst things you know I once said but it's true by most is you don't know who the is both fighting so this is human it's human emotion it's not a kite it's Bria a human being tell us the says in par another would say what what whatas is the is the is but can't rise above ngas used to say if I say about him he's a no I mean my but big deal but if says oh he must be if says all one but you still can't rise above you so what do you expect he heard that the one of because had a dire with another person in the city but he wouldn't go to to be in that city because who's going to pass it against so he went to a different city this picture so no one know how he looked and he had it out with the other person the dian said I'm sorry and he passed it against the so the maid's fine took out the money gave it to the okay goodbye dian let's talk and learning and he started arguing ao and ao so why are you passing against me asked the fellow so the dian says you're right I thought of everything you said now, but what should I do? There's a new came out of called has this exact chila and he passed you like I told you. So you have to follow this my father said over is that not at all it's a person can't rise above his so when it's a question of and a marriage who's wrong and business it's just so unfair to think a person says I'm he's wrong. Believe him. If indeed you know that it was a mech that's the other party had severe problems that they weren't allowed to hide but they hid it and a r will tell you that the best have the r be the spokesman. He knows the story. He's not he's not biased. He has no nas. You want to call him I'll give you his number. He'll tell you but to start saying the other by read the other person it doesn't work. People don't believe it anyhow. If you know taka 100% they were wrong. You're allowed to say the question is if it's effective enough when you get someone else involved you know it's much easier in ask because you're not getting the truth to go to someone's exspouse and ask information. Why you do that? because he knows all the he knows a lot more than you know it's unfair it's not right it it's a very sad world once said he says you know that's part of the but he said a story that indicated what what the was someone came to say r I I I I we have to write a get for me and my wife what what's wrong I I discussed it with someone else and it's a done deal please write to Okay fine said please tell me reb I should talk about my own life I'm not doing it okay he gave the get after he finished the get he says okay now tell me I have to know what was wrongba now she's a I can't talk about that's the world that that we like to live in that things are going with but until that time we have to realize nas blinds a person there's no cl or these shis but there's one I guarantee you the lion of In part when a person does the right thing, he never loses. Never ever ever lose. Do the right thing. When someone does what says he keeps quiet when everything is going bad, that's a scholar. You know would talk about the oragers. You know you see the orgonas on daily basis. It's very sticky. But you live with the such he got here again and again. minute. Amen. Hey >> [clears throat] >> foreign. Just what we learned today is even GMA even if it's just a day something is what one has to give up for but as you saw today is a when there's a when there's a is the mitzvah it's not when makes a decision it's not right to say I for you there's no there's no do that one has to encourage beak if there's no choice it's always better to say it's not my fault Whose fault it is? That's not my business. If there's no other then you could even say whose fault it is because it's not it's the of the we did see what the say that that avi give an ultimatum tell me who did it otherwise because that's a as long as he explains why it's a father that says I would I let you do something but mommy doesn't let her that's an a in parenting about could be told I couldn't come I was busy with someone else don't say the story acting in self-defense is mut but you have to understand it has to be done with a secretary forgot to give it over to the boss you could say I gave it in I don't know what happened don't directly implicate the secretary a person a rebi told the bak that his friend's at risk that's a it should be done with but that's mut if someone was forced to sell an asset to someone else don't blame the other person if it was your brutson to make money. We did see that a the bush is why a person should take the blame if possible because