Living With Emunah (Part 217) - Always Happy

good morning boat cartel welcome back to living with emunah as always we begin with our attitude of gratitude our special thanks to our generous sponsors of living with amuna for the year dr xavi and bella morgan such uh special people and a big thank you to them this is not their first year sponsoring it should be a tremendous host a tremendous merit for a beautiful family they sponsored a memory of our dear friend by dr brian galbet zachronel of raja in memory of bella's mother dr ellen shanzer we're very very grateful also this morning's particular shira is sponsored by our friend lisa kaufman vince mean and children for their foolish leima of yaakov and nitano benjamin sarah should have a complete speedy and painless refusal also by avital and ariel mintz nishmas avraham ben tremendous amount of rebuilding his life in israel after escaping iran so the shama should have and aliyah as well thank you to our generous sponsors all right we are starting a new lehman a new learning this week last week we concluded the section we had done not the whole safer we didn't learn the whole book of oba of revolb of the great mashiach but the section he had on emunah and we're moving back over to beyond this beautiful save for a victory morgenstern with mayor morgenstern we've learned parts of it before i want to go back to it not only because it's an extraordinary work i had the privilege recently of being in israel something i hope none of us will ever take for granted again the ability to book a ticket and get on a plane and land we'll never complain about the 10 or 12 hour flight uh again it's just the privilege the opportunity if we have it one will once again have it to go to israel something we should not must not take for granted so when i was there we've been sharing so much torah over the meyer that i went to go see him i'd never met him i'd never been in his basement it was an extraordinary experience he's an extraordinary individual i i'm still processing it in fact to be in the presence of someone who was such a source of light and energy i'm not even ready to explain it yet but i wanted to get back to his safer because i feel even more connected to him having met with him and to specifically study the section on simha on joy and happiness because we are on the verge of two months in a row of happiness when the month of adar begins we increase we expand we lean in and we intensify our sense of joy you could see it another reason to come in person goes online it's getting cut off by the camera but if it was hashem this is the motto of the jewish people it's the motto of our shul serve hashem to be to be with uh to be with joy to be happy so why is that so important why do i have to be happy who says i have to be happy i have to do mitzvos do mitzvos wake up and say my mother ani and tie my shoes in the right order give my stucco do my tessa do my davening do my mitzvos why do i have to be happy can i do my mitzvos with a frown can i be sad can i be introvert can i be low-key can i be a little down in the dumps why do i have to be happy and this obligation or this culture this pressure to be happy isn't it artificial if i in fact don't feel happy there are things let's say going on in one's life legitimately it's struggling it's difficult to be happy there are people who go through crises and catastrophe they go through hardship and loss they go through circumstances which deplete them and rob them of a happiness so why manufacture why pretend why walk around what is this emphasis on be happy why be happy why not worry don't worry be happy the jewish way is worry don't be happy but that's not okay we're not supposed to worry and not be happy we're supposed to not worry and be happy so why so if you have the handout in front of you we'll translate everything we're learning and uh if you don't want to follow simply listen but it's worth it go write down the translations or underline the parts that mean something to you to be able to come back to it in the future i encourage you we're not trying to take away his parnassa we're going to keep learning sections of it by the book why is simcha so important is i only supposed to be happy when doing mitzvos do i have to be with simcha when i say my daughter and my tahilam and i light my candles but then i can go back to my anxiety and my misery and my worry or i'm supposed to walk around with the skip of my step and always be happy and always be happy which is it there's a an amazing gentleman who doesn't live on montoya's circle but davinson comes to our afternoon cola all the time i call him the big texan he's from dallas texas he's six foot i don't know what and he's always so i just saw him i walked through the show to come give this class and i said big text and he said that's his thing he's like six foot six big he's an amazing amazing per and he walks around oh thomas the biggest smile you can't not put a smile on your face you cannot so why does it matter why is it important why should we all strive to be a little bit more like the big texan so let's start haki of the small there's a great mitzvah this is a great mitzvah to be happy to be joyous to be full with life when tumbid always consistently and constantly not just when you got the winning lottery ticket not in the hospital room at the birth of the child not for the camera at the pictures of the simcha of your child or your grandchild your great-grandchild everyone should be blessed to experience all of that and all that joy but tummin all the time when you wake up in the mornings you fall asleep at night every day every year to biba simcha thomid always be and we call it a mitzvah gedola it's not a mitzvah it's not just that it's a nice thing and a good thing to do it's a mitzvah gidola mitzvah if it's in fact a mitzvah biba simcha if there is a commandment to be with joy someone tell me where does it appear name the chapter and verse where it says you have to be bessemer anyone we have 613 mitzvos can anyone tell me which number mitzvah is to be basimka you are all enormous scholars because it doesn't appear anywhere in the torah and it doesn't appear anywhere on the mystery on the list of mitzvos which of course leads richard meyer to wonder how can you say mitzvah godola there's an enormous mitzvah like candles gifts a really big mitzvah such a big mitzvah why doesn't it appear in the torah such a big mitzvah why did it make the list of the top 613 where is it so he says the truth is we do allude to it anyone remember where we allude to it where do we see a notion a responsibility being held accountable to be vicente yes we're supposed to give our whole heart to shema but it doesn't use the word simcha there it says with all your heart with all your soul with all your all your might or all of your resources or all of your life but it doesn't say basimcha i could give my whole life my whole heart and be miserable there are plenty of people like that plenty jewish parents who give their whole heart and soul to their children fabis in a miserable martyr negative woe is me what i do for you i've given my whole life to you you could give your whole life to someone with misery we're very good at that we're good at that so it doesn't say it there where does it say simcha the token in the harsh rebuke in the tohokhan look at footnote rachel amid bays footnote 230 uh two it says the following afternoon when moshe communicating from god holding us accountable and god says you know why i'm visiting this harsh plague pandemic upon you because you failed to serve god by the tuble you don't have a full heart and you don't have joy in your heart that's only talking about when doing mitzvos where does it say you have to be basimka when someone's walking by you in the hallway where does it say that so you're right when you're doing the avodah when you're doing a mitsubishi i understand that you have the privilege of serving the great king bibas in that moment while you do it but why doesn't it say it always notice it's in bracket he's not getting into it we're not getting into it but shelves that question it's a good one come back to it another time and we are going to sort of answer it you know what else according to many rishonim is not a mitzvah torah to believe in god why not i'll give you another example a more basic example does anyone know chapter and verse name it or tell me of the 613 name the number where does it say there's a mitzvah to breathe to breathe we have to preserve our lives if you stop breathing or hold your breath your life will end where does it say there's a mitzvah breathe again you are extraordinary scholars of torah you're all absolutely correct and through your silence i know you were saying to me rabbi it doesn't appear in the torah and you're right it does not appear in the torah does not appear on the list of taryag why why isn't there a mitzvah breathe because it's a prerequisite to life it's a prerequisite to mitzvos before you get even into mitzvah so if you're not breathing you're not alive if you're not alive there's nothing to observe or keep so we're not going to tell you there's a mitzvah to do something which is an assumption it's a prerequisite it comes before the layer of being obligated according to some the same is true with belief in god believe in god because how could you have a mitzvah to believe there's no such thing as a mitzvah until you believe it's only once you believe it's only when you acknowledge there's a mitsave it's only once you submit that there's someone who can command now you can count what do i need to do so to tell you the first mitzvah is to believe to believe and the one who's going to give you that mitzvah it's paradoxical it's cyclical it doesn't make sense says where does it say in the torah you can't get angry or you have to be patient where does it say in the torah you have to be generous magnanimous where does it say in the medos quality human character don't appear in the torah but says you know why says because they are prerequisites to mitzvos before you ever come to a mitzvah the foundation is who we are and how we live so we're not instructed explicitly because we shouldn't think really i want to get angry i'm being patient so just like i sit in the sukkah and i can put a check next to sitting in the sukkah i'll put a check next to i was patient when i really wanted to scream yell and tear the head off that person no transforming ourselves into patient kind good people is a prerequisite to torah it comes before it's foundational so it's not given as a mitzvah as if it's some external action it is part of the very core and foundation and character of who we are and who we're meant to be and the same is true and it is not counted or listed as emits from the torah because it's not like blowing chauffeur or hearing the megillah oh i smile today i'm good smile check i don't know if there's an app yet that we have apps to remind us to breathe apps that remind us get up and go walk around is there an app that says smile if there isn't create it you don't even have to give me royalties we're good to go beneficiaries refer to the body they tell us and regulate how we use our body shake the lull of an estrogen sit in the sukkah light the candles hear the chauffeur the mitzvos regulate how we are supposed to engage and use our body but the qualities the character traits the medos that we have they are all about our soul who we are in our core in our identity who we are in that which transcends the body od bad qualities because they're so foundational and because they're so fundamental they are worse than even alveros they're worse than averroes if you have a canvas you're going to paint on i'm out of my league caroline i don't paint i'm going to give a mushroom i'm going to give an example i'm out of my league but let's say you have a bad paint a corrupt paint and you put it on the canvas so it's bad your paint was uh i don't know what goes wrong with paint it went wrong it went bad it was diluted or spoiled or it dries out or there's something bad with paint so that's bad but you know what's even worse than having a problem with the paint what happens if the canvas itself is corrupt there's a problem with the canvas it's going to disintegrate or dissolve or disappear or tear or wear out or i don't know what again forgive me so medos are the canvas of our life our quality our character who we are the foundation the core is the canvas of our life then the mitzvots are what we paint on top of it so you're right if there's a problem with the paint it's a problem but you know it's an even bigger problem in the paint if there's a corruption or a compromise in the canvas itself [Music] we're already on to the next page we are flying my friends so if i'm vital says as bad as alveros are we have to guard ourselves protect ourselves and be vigilant not to violate alveros but as bad as alveros are worse than alveros are the core the character the foundation the canvas of our lives if we're stingy if we're greedy if we get angry if we're impatient if we're jealous and if we're envious if we're arrogant and if we're egotistical all of those are core viruses they're core corruptions in who we are the whole operating system doesn't work if there's a virus that is so fundamental you said something extraordinary says something amazing which really should inform and inspire our homes and our attitude towards how we raise our children and the curriculum in our schools he says mitzvos are really really important of course they are they're the word of god and alvero's violating those mitzvos violating a negative precept really really bad fundamental comes from god but you know what's even worse bad medos so which do our children think we care about more which in our school do we spend more time studying learning evaluating analyzing dissecting being tested on being rewarded for our knowledge or our character our midos or our middles i quoted many years ago there was a harvard study that talked about if we want to communicate to our children what matters to us what matters more if you ask children what matters more to them what i'm sorry if you ask children what do they think matters more to their parents the grades they get in school or the character their behavior of who they are it was a crazy high number who said the greats and the harvard study which i'm not an enormous student of studies but i don't usually see them ending with some conclusion or recipe for how to live this harvard study ended with a strong suggestion if we want to communicate to our children our true priority and what matters then every night at dinner don't ask your child what'd you get on the test or did you get the homework back ask them did you do something nice for someone else today tell me something nice you did for someone else today because if you grow up and in 16 years of going to school or being at home 14 15 16 years your parent daily or weekly said what'd you get on the test or what'd you get on the homework or let's talk about your report card but they never said did you do something nice for someone today tell me what you did for someone else today or harvard study didn't talk about it but by extension do we say to our children where do you see hashem in your life today was he on the playground at recess when you were taking the test did you know all the answers did you feel hashem over your shoulder where did you feel hashem in your life today what questions we ask what we emphasize the stories that we tell says everything about our priorities and everything about what we care about so center of chain vital says something incredible that midos let me read that again because this is not me richard meyer morgenstern his base major is if the canvas is no good if there's a virus in the operating system none of the apps are going to work none of the paint's going to stick the rest is important and it matters but it can't work unless the core is strong quebec but if we're strong and foundationally fundamentally we're healthy then we can perform and observe and keep and transform and repair the world around us so so important a little footnote here we're going to keep going our body is so those same we're going to get to some kind of moment but that why doesn't the torah obligate the mitzvah because it doesn't need to you know why it goes with breathing just as important it is if you don't breathe you're not alive if you're not basement you're not alive if you don't have a joy for life if you're not dissimcha baby like the big texan says i'm gonna have to bring him in here next week as a scholar as a guest if you're not tommy then you're not alive and you're not breathing we live off of simcha it is the air that we breathe it's the oxygen barbie there are four foundations for fire water wind and earth um we talked about this in the past i don't know how we're up to number i don't even know what i'm going to share in the past we've gone through the four elements and how they relate to four character traits and which how we nourish those elements or protect ourselves from those elements and what those elements are all about so we have four elements fire water wind and earth and earth comes for sadness and the opposite of earth which brings us down and makes us sad is simcha which lifts us up and makes us joyous and what's the source of simcha what makes you happy you know where happiness comes from happiness comes from feeling whole this is exactly what he's going to get into right now happiness comes from feeling whole so say to me feel whole got to wear a mask i got to be distant i got to test my kids 400 times just to show up in car pull that more happy whole where how can i feel whole people have lost loved ones in this room is a lot of pain people who lost loved ones they should never have lost to lose a child who shown to lose loved ones that are irreplaceable how can i feel whole when there's something missing there's someone missing there are people here struggling with health struggling with financial deficits struggling with relationships struggling with life experiences that have that have hurt and created great pain so how do you feel whole hashem you want me to be happy make me whole let my bank account be home let my lab reports be whole let my house be whole let me feel whole it's a person a woman extraordinary women in our community it's a beautiful family of many children three of whom have autism an extraordinary couple and i once asked how are you doing it's the world's stupidest question ever but i asked it because i hadn't yet read option b and she said to me rabbi any day that ends with the same head count as the way the day began is a good day in my book if the day ended with the same head count of members of my family as the way the day began that's a good day in my book that's why she's extraordinary and an enormous source of inspiration we stub our toe where the wifi was out for five minutes where is god there's no god why me what was me i can't believe hashem it's terrible and she and there are many people like that she says any day that ends with the same head count as the way the day began it's a good date in my book i'm whole same head count i'm whole but there's people who don't have the same head count why is it a mitzvah gedola why is it a great and a big and important and an emphasized mitzvah it's a mitzvah guidola why because it is so foundational and so fundamental because it's the core of everything because if the foundation is weak the whole building will come down and crumble and the foundation is strong you can build up and you can build upon it and you can go higher and higher so which is the most important level of any building the basement the foundation the foundation is strong you can build high if the foundation is weak you could be a skyscraper but i don't want to go in it i'm not going in there so the same is true in our lives what is the ground for of our lives what is the foundation of our lives what is the basement of our lives where does it begin we build upon it mitzvos and torah and we build upon another medos but it begins with simha begins with simcha it's a mitzvah to be capable to be feeling to be happy to be joyful to be positive this is the foundation who says that the core of simche says we said is to feel whole is to feel complete is to feel together this world there is no shameless show me somebody's hole doesn't exist now there are different levels of pain and suffering as i said one person is not whole because neba they only have the second to latest version of the iphone they don't have the latest version and that's the biggest problem in their life poor them for some person for one person that's their worst i'm not whole i'm incomplete i don't have the latest version another person has lost a loved one their taco very very broken they're incomplete so bola let's start with that let's know that in this world there's no one that is whole what's missing every person is different and not everybody's equal or even we should know that to the person who's missing something less significant it can feel as painful as the person who's missing something bigger everyone in their own way and everyone on their own level when i was in smith dr levitz taught us pastoral counseling which has been greatly expanded since then beautiful and um and he told us i remember he gave us the following example he said you're a rabbi there's a knock on your door and there's a woman who comes to meet with you and she tells you that her husband left her and she's got 20 kids and she's had one arm amputated she's got word the leg has to get amputated and she has no money and her kids have problems and you sit and you counsel and you uplift and you give a hazard can you say everything you could say and then she leaves and the next person comes in the next person comes in as a man and he's worth five million dollars he's wearing a custom made suit and he has a rolex on his wrist and he sits down and he says rabbi i'm a complete failure i'm a nothing i have a younger brother he's on the forbes 400 he's worth three billion dollars and do you know his wardrobe do you know his fleet of planes do you know his yachts he's a success my parents talk about him all the time he has anything he wants and nebuchadnezzar fixed income of five million dollars i i only have 10 custom-made suits and i only get to fly business i don't have a private plane and my parents i'm a failure i'm a gournish i'm a nothing so levitz turned to us a group of young smikha students and so what do you say to him saw us fools we fools we said you know what you tell him you say do you know who just sat on that couch before you do you understand what it means to be struggling in life do you want to hear what it means to have hardship that's your problem that's what you're complaining about get out of my office go feel gratitude go say thank you get out of here i said you could do that but you'll be the worst rabbi the worst therapist the worst mental health professional of all time because everyone at their own level and with what we're missing you know what happens when you tell someone that all you make them do is feel guilty about feeling bad you don't make them feel less bad whenever we're missing in life we feel bad about and if we compare ourselves to others then we just feel guilty about feeling bad but we don't actually feel less bad so cesar meyer paula mazze there's no one as whole or complete in this world la baruches spiritually there's no one whole or complete we could all dive into better we could learn better we could be smarter we could be calmer we could be more more binoa we could i enjoy reading the forbes 400. came out last month fascinating the wealth has gone up so much in this country that to make it to the forbes 400 if you have under two billion dollars you don't even qualify to make the list say if you had 1.9 billion last year you were somewhere on the list you were in the magazine forbes put you out you claim you wish that they didn't but you're so excited everyone texts you what number you are it's good for the shidduchim it's good for everything and nebuchadnezzar if you have 1.9 billion dollars on your head you didn't even make the list this week this year now you're not challenged you didn't even make the list and that's the reason it's the incompleteness or the brokenness that by definition every human being in this finite world feels that for many people is preventing or precluding them from feeling basin we're on the third page now we are moving so can you imagine i promise you i haven't met them i don't know them i'd like to be introduced to them if you do but i promise you there are people who are worth between one and two billion dollars who in the form of 400 came out needed an extra therapy session i promise you who were sad who were broken or by atfas who were depressed who were despondent nebuch they didn't make it on the list only 1.8 1.9 billion dollars it's that sense of incompleteness that sense of brokenness that sense that i'm not whole is what leaves the person said um i see what my friend has i wish i had it i come back from the doctor or i don't feel well or there's something or someone missing in my life and i feel without them i'm incomplete i'm not how can i be happy us so if simcha is the result of feeling whole and we just said there's no human being alive who feels whole everyone's missing something spiritually emotionally mentally physically so how can you be we've just set up the question we didn't even get to the answer should we stop here or keep going it's a big mitzvah it's a great mitzvah industrial service you are accountably responsible because you allowed yourself to get said so we just said that being happy is foundational fundamental it's the basement it's what holds everything else up it's critically important it is a great mitzvah we also said that you cannot be based if you feel broken or incomplete and then we said that every human being feels broken or incomplete so how can anyone be basim ha that's the question he says in the footnote by the way there are moments you feel whole like i said you have the great news of a simra birth of a child the child gets engaged a bar mitzvah yeah big moments you got engaged you got a new job you got a promotion at work you bought a new house you bought a new car there are moments glimpses of simha and what do we do when that happens we have a bracha yeah wow i feel simpler in this moment such an aberration so unusual such an unfamiliar feeling i'm so happy i feel so whole right now for this moment and in this moment for just a moment i make a bracha but then what happens i come right back down simcha's over the next day of work let's at least get started let's just get started the truth is you're right investigate evaluate think about your life in a vacuum you cannot feel happy all you have to do is sit it doesn't take long how are you well this could be better that could be better that's not perfect this could use improvement this child this that this the other thing if we think about ourselves in a vacuum if all we do is focus on ourselves we are incomplete and we're unhappy yes however there is a way to behold there is a way to fill to complement to supplement to complete there is one person there's one being that if we attach ourselves to him we become full we become complete we become whole and that is hashem is barack god is and was and will be god is omnipotent omniscient and infinite god is the source of everything that exists he is the very definition of whole of unity of unified of oneness and the more that we attach ourselves to him the more we submit and surrender to him the more we connect to him the more we attach ourselves to him the more we associate with him then we are capable of being whole and complete she is say god i don't know why i'm going through what i'm going through i don't understand why you took who you took or what you took away from me i don't understand why i'm enduring this pain this emptiness this whole this vacuum this hardship i don't understand it but i do know that whatever is missing you more than fill i do know that whatever is missing or whatever pain i have you are the salve you are the medicine you are the antidote you make me whole the jew is supposed to turn to god every day and say hashem you complete me hashem you complete me it took it from us hashem you complete me you make me whole it's true that i'm missing this i'm missing that i'm missing the other thing and i'm tempted to be sad i'm tempted to be down and i'm tempted to be but you know what hashem when i stop and i think that you run the world you're in charge you're in control you're infinite you know better than i you see much further and much farther everything is for a reason and a purpose that you are like a loving father not like you are my loving father in heaven and just like a parent from the perspective of the child why'd you punish me and why'd you put me in time out and why do you deny me being able to go to that party or look at that technology or do that thing and the parent says i know it feels like pain to you but someday you'll understand that everything i'm doing is for your good and for your pleasure and all i ask my little kinder all i ask my little child is i'm not asking you to be happy with what i'm telling you right now but i'm asking you to know that it comes from love and i'm asking you to know that if i'm doing this it's because it's what i believe is best for you so lean in and embrace what i'm making you do because it's for your best and i courage says the same thing he says i know from your perspective it feels painful i've taken someone from from you i've taken something from you you are enduring such pain but one day you will see and one day you will understand how this was right for them and this is right for you one day you will appreciate and one day you will be capable of being happy when it completes when it complements when it is home the zoo icker mitsubishi is not to get high on drugs limits of simcha is not to get drunk on alcohol the mitzvah of simcha is not to get drunk on neiman marcus or nordstrom's or town center mall or amazon.com the mitsubishi is not to use some artificial means to make us happy i was sad something's missing but that new pair of shoes that filled the hole in my heart it'll never fill the hole in your heart it will for a moment maybe you make a shakianu atova it depends how expensive those pair of shoes are maybe your husband's making a gomel but the shopping will never fill the hole in your heart nothing can fill the hole in our heart nothing can fill the empty seat at our table nothing can fill the prescription for the pain that we're going through other than attaching ourselves to hashem that is the source of simcha let me end by giving the disclaimer i should have given at the beginning i give it all the time clinical depression is not what we're talking about i cannot support in this this i'm not talking about somebody who clinically is depressed i'm not talking about somebody who's gone through an episode or a loss that needs therapy that needs support that needs um medical chemical intervention there's no stigma there should be no shame everyone should get the help that they need we're not talking about that i'm not saying close all the therapy offices just say more to him attach yourself to hashem everyone will feel simple we are not saying that at all we're not saying that a person who needs clinical help needs clinical help end of sentence we're talking about the general attitude the general atmosphere the general hardships that people endure if you want to feel simcha this is the formula simcha comes from feeling whole no one in this world is whole everyone has some problem how can anyone therefore feel simcha only by connecting to the person to the being to that which fills every hole and that what is that that fills every hole faith it is not the belief but it is the knowledge it's not a leap of faith but it is the knowledge that everything is for a reason and everything is for good that there's a hashem and there is a design kershbarghu is in charge he's in control he has organized he has designed the world and everything is for a reason everything is for a reason so we'll start with this next week because i know right now we're talking theoretically okay well that's good news i went to the municier and i i was sad on my way in but now i heard all sheer i should just be happy that's the foundation that's the ground floor that's the basement on my way home i'm gonna be out i just need a doughnut it'll make me happy stop by grab a donut take one on your way out you just need a donut the hole in the donut is gonna stay a hole in your heart it's not gonna make you happy if you're feeling complete and you feel unhappy how do you go about attaching to hashem how do we do that the easy part is to say what to do the hard part is to actually do it so stick with us next week same time same channel same channel and we are going to pick it up from here tonight nine o'clock we go behind the vemma coach steinmetz and ryan thoreau star player of the 50-game streak winning you max see you next week stay happy stay healthy stay