"When Enough is Enough" with Rabbi Mayer Zuckerman - Oorahthon 2018

Welcome back to the Ura auction. Call now at 1-877-7 auction. 1-877-7 auction. I'm here with Rabbi Schnall, Rabbi Bohm, Rabbi Forster, and Rabbi Zuckerman, and we're discussing the hot topic of when enough is enough, or is enough ever enough? And before we went to break, we were discussing this, and I know that both Rabbi Forster and Rabbi Zuckerman had a lot to say. I want to remind everybody that we will be picking the $4,000 Amex gift card. That prize will be picked promptly. So, uh you know, I think it's actually closing in 30 seconds. 30 seconds. So, call the other prizes all other 49 other prizes will still be open till 3:00, approximately. Uh but you got to call in right now to do that. And the 4K Amex will be picked soon. So, Rabbi Forster, why don't you jump in here? I know you were really getting upset and during the break about some of the things I said. So, why don't you go ahead? I just want to clarify something to you about that $4,000 Amex card is only to cover basic expenses. Yes. That's That's That's what we're putting in the prize after Someone might be listening to this auction and saying, "Oh, you guys are so busy talking about extravagance." And then you hear pushing, you know, tickets to Eretz Yisrael. What about What about the person who has got a ripped couch at home putting in for the buying a new one and putting in for that $4,000 and you use part of that $4,000 to replace his couch. But who says you need couches? And in Europe before the Holocaust, they didn't have couches. The time had nothing. Right? That's it. You're just passing through. Christ 31, the $100,000 bonus. $100,000 bonus. Yeah, I think that's not extravagant. That would support him to sit alone in Kollel for another couple years. Okay, so not extravagant. That's what we're saying. Ura's auction is not extravagant. It's all very useful useful re you know, useful types of practical That's the word I'm looking for. Practical prizes. Fair enough. Fair enough. Ura's So, Ura's good. I mean, if you look at it, this is something that everybody tries People will go to Eretz Yisrael. People have a Toyota Sienna. That's not necessarily luxury. You don't need a Sienna. You get a Chrysler. You get a Dodge Caravan or something like that. 1-877-7 auction. You get a Dodge Caravan. It's not a Toyota Sienna, fancy Japanese car. I'm being told by our producers that the phone lines are really off the hook. Thank God. So, if you're calling and you're noticing that it's busy, go to the website. www.uraauction.org. Not org. And not the regular ura.org. www.uraauction.org. So, you you were saying. I mean, if you could address your weight in meat, when a pound of meat up to $12 a pound per pound of weight. That's extravagant. Who needs meat? But seriously, getting back to Getting back to this conversation. Rabbi Zuckerman, Rabbi Zuckerman, your thoughts on on this very crucial and pressing issue. I think I think we we should number one, we shouldn't look to impose standards or impose anything on somebody else. Let's talk about ourselves. Everybody look to themself and impose a standard on yourself. Not everybody is the same, and not everybody should be the same. Many people we mentioned before that some people they they have they are they have greater means. Well, people of greater means are should live to greater means. We have many people, as you pointed out, who are very generous in the way if they make a chasanah and they make it extravagant, they'll sponsor at least one other chasanah the same night, and sometimes multiple other chasanahs. There's a lot of tzedakah that's going on. There's a lot of giving. There's a lot of good things being done with the money. Let's talk about setting standards for ourselves. Not everybody should have the same standard. That's another problem with communal externally imposed standards. It's just not reasonable. Different people have different amounts of money. I I remember learning the Gemara, I forget the a the son of a very wealthy person came to Yeshiva, and he wasn't dressed in in accordance with his family's wealth. And he was given mussar by the rebbe who said that a person who comes from a family like yours should dress better. So, it's okay to for a person to dress better. It's okay for a person to have more. We're not trying to say that people shouldn't have and shouldn't spend what they do have. No, we're not going back to pre-war Europe. When I My father-in-law came from a shtetl, he had he had a dirt floor in his house. He never owned a toy till his father came to America and sent him one. See, America corrupts. So, but but but there's a there are differences in in levels that people should be living to. And then there comes the question of how much. So, yes, you should live in accordance with your means. Don't live beyond your means. And then even so, sometimes it gets so out of control. And then there's the question of what are we doing to ourselves? What are we doing to our children? And where does it end? So, there's there's there's two more angles I wanted to bring up. Number one, I think something that we can all do, and Rabbi Zuckerman is correct, that there's going to be there's always going to be different levels of wealth amongst every community. And And that's okay. And that's that's normal. It would almost be unhealthy any other way. The one thing that I think we can all do is not judge. What happens is it's not so much that people want to outdo the next person. Everybody wants to fit in, and rightfully so. I have to if this becomes the standard and the standard in my community, my town, my shul, my neighborhood, whatever it is. And if my town is that this is this is what everybody does, and if I don't do every item on that list, I don't dress this way, I don't send my kids to this school, I don't drive this kind of car, I don't make this kind of parties, I don't do these kinds of occasions, I don't fulfill every requirement, I almost feel like I don't belong in the community. Because other people will look at me, "What's wrong?" Something Something's not right with that family. Really? So, is that really what it's like? I mean, I I maybe I'm You're in it. You're living in a It's not, but people feel that way. Are they So, then it's their own problem. So, meaning then they have a problem in their head. They have no meaning Right, exactly. No, and I'm not Or me, yeah. No, because No, because I'm saying What my point is is that we're So, if someone is a lot I don't know that there's that many people that really look so snobby. Usually it's it's But it's So, so there is you feel intimidated and you feel like you're worth less because you have less money. So, then go work on yourself that you should have confidence and learn to appreciate your own talents and and you you don't you don't If you might not have money, you have something else. If Hashem gave you some other talents, you you might have You have a beautiful family. You have kids who are in Yeshiva. I don't know. Whatever. You have something. So, go appreciate that and be proud of that. And stop walking around feeling like everybody's judging you cuz you don't have a Toyota Sienna. That unless you win one from Ura. I mean, the question The question also I mean, we spoke about it today around the Shabbos table. If someone had the opportunity to get a Lexus for a $200 monthly lease that he could afford, should he do that? Or are you conditioning yourself that once your lease is up, you'll never be able to go back to a Sienna or a Camry or some other car because you've already somehow self-spoiled yourself by driving a luxury even if you got a great deal on it. And what you're doing to other people who know you can't afford it. They don't know you got that great deal on it. Is that something that a person should take into consideration? I I remember hearing a lecture from Rabbi Friend where he said that he needed to replace his refrigerator, and he likes his water very cold, and there was an option to get a refrigerator that wasn't that much more, but it would have an ice spigot that would give him ice whenever he wanted it. And he said he realized that for him it would be a luxury. But if he got it for his children, it would be a necessity. And The lines of luxury and necessity get blurred. Yes. And so So, I'm I'm not saying it would really depend with each individual. Some people should go for the Lexus. Why not? But there are times when yes, we we start to cultivate tastes that are unhealthy, that are that become so important to us. They they get us off target for what's important to us. And then for the next generation. I I do think we have a responsibility to our community, but I'm I'm looking more at each person looking at himself, looking at herself, looking at what they're doing, and then how it impacts their own family, their own children. There's one more one more angle talking about our family and our children, and I think this answers the question with the with the Lexus. A lot of it is how we set it up. Children certainly respond to an environment. If I set the tone in my house for my children that luxury has become a necessity, and the focus is on the luxuries, then that's the attitude that they're probably going to grow up with. But if I set the tone even I'm saying myself as just as an example, but but if a person who would be wealthy, that's why I'm just the example. If a person is wealthy, but sets the tone at home, even if he does get the refrigerator with the ice maker, or he does get the Lexus on sale. Could you get a refrigerator now without an ice maker? I don't Is that possible? It became a necessity. It's a necessity for everybody. A lot of times these things become much cheaper and much more readily available. It's just part of it. Which is what I That's why I contrast it to pre-war Europe. The whole world changed, and and a lot of things just became necessity because that's just the way the world is. Why lease a car? It's But even those who are going beyond the means of others in the community, if if I set the tone in my house, that's the only that's the only area that I as an individual have control over, or at least can try, then the atmosphere becomes the the the standards are set based on our values. A child A children generally learn values much more from home than from the school. Much more so. And if the if the value set at home is a healthy value set, that's what they're going to grow. And now I would say the way to set values is really what you talk about. Ironically, um my producer is is telling me in my ear over here that that is enough is enough of the enough is enough segment. So, anyways, we're just here to really start this conversation. Obviously, uh everybody should uh continue to think about and research this and write letters to the editor in the uh Ted and uh and things like that to continue this very important uh topic of conversation. We like the same uh Rabbi Bohm and Rabbi Zuckerman for being here to discuss this and other things. Rabbi Schnall as well for co-hosting us. We thank you very much. We want everybody to call in at 1-877-777-777. More entertaining and inspiring uh ideas, thoughts, and opinions coming up next. And now for a burst of inspiration with Rabbi Moshe Maryles.