Own Your Power | Being the Man Training – Session 9

Shalom everyone and welcome back to being the man and we are on pillar number nine, which is own your power. You know, everything we've done so far can turn you into an egomaniac, you know, just running the show in every single aspect of your life and you're going to turn off your wife, you're going to turn off the kids, you're going to turn off the people you work with, you're going to turn off the people at the kiddush like you you're going to be no fun at all. A powerful man is someone who owns his power, meaning he doesn't have to prove it. He doesn't have to prove anything ever. And he's just sitting humbly, mellow, chill and and that's his situation. And so today's session is all about how to own your power. So let's start just with that subject of being a bulldozer versus being a humble leader and a humbly powerful man. The people who bulldoze are turn off. They they just, you know, you kind of can't wait till they leave the room. You're not interested in them. Um you know, they might you might have some reason or another reason why you got to be involved with them, but but you're kind of waiting for it to end a lot of the time. When they come into a kiddush, they kind of own the own the place and um they're they're also throwing their weight around quite a bit and controlling people, pushing people around. And not not what we're talking about here at all. When we're being the man, we are totally relaxed, calm, cool, collected. And you know, you don't have to say it most of the time. People feel your presence there. And if you do have to speak up, you're going to speak up calmly. A person has inside himself two things going on at all times. He's got his neshama and he's got his ego. The ego is not the neshama. The ego is basically it's always trying to do whatever it can to feel like it like it exists. And it also feels like it can be added to or subtracted from. And so it's always in a situation where where you know, you can you can be made lesser either by the look of someone or by what someone says or just walk into a room and see someone who you feel is more powerful than you and you can be, you know, really weakened by that. In fact, we stay away from a lot of situations where we're going to feel like the lesser guy. And we also the ego feels it can be added to. And you know, I'm I'm a car guy from LA. So I love cars. And you know, who doesn't drive, you know, a a a car with amazing horsepower and hit that gas and just and not feel like something's been added to you. I mean that it's it's kicking into like our our maybe some like deep part of of like being a man is is having that that gas pedal and and hearing that engine and feeling the the the G forces as your body pulls back in the chair. But it's not true. You cannot be added to and you can't be subtracted from. And that's the madriga that's the madriga we're we're going for. So you know, there's not a person who doesn't feel subtracted from if his if his car gets ripped off. And there's not a person who doesn't feel like he wasn't added to when he drives a brand new nice car off the lot. So we need to make this distinction. We need we need to to distinguish between our actual conscious self versus the ego, which is that little voice in our head that's just trying to make more of us and avoid any situation where we'd be less. So, given that it's really a fight between the the the being, which, you know, being is like who you really are, and the and the ego, which is which is basically the voice inside your head that says you're you're nothing. And it doesn't matter where you get in life, meaning even someone at the top of the world is going to have like major major voice in his head pushing him forward to be the top, like pushing to be the top guy. But, in fact, his the being that you are, which is our neshama, which is the tzelem Elokim, it's the chelek Elokim mima'al that you are, that is who you are. You can't add to it. You can't subtract from it. Forget losing a car. You Death doesn't subtract from it. In fact, in fact, the the one thing gets in the way of it is the ego. And when you die, there is no ego because the ego is brain-run. The ego works via thought. And so, all those thoughts when you're brain-dead are gone. And all you have is your ego just kind of exploding into into the olam haneshamot, you know, back into the oneness of Hashem. Although, when you die, you do still maintain your own perspective. Meaning, you really are a unique neshama, and you keep that in when you keep that when you go. Now, the challenge for us is to is to hear those two voices, the soul voice and the ego voice is often called the body voice. So, you got the soul voice and the body voice, or they have soul voice and the ego voice. And to to fight to fan the flame of the soul voice, and [snorts] to always just catch that ego voice, catch it, and just say, "Not interested." And stay with the soul voice. You know, the the Shabbos is a great example of how they both get equalized. You know, not to mention mikvah, you know, cuz it doesn't matter what shoes you wear when you're in the mikvah. Like one guy's wearing a $20 pair and the other guy's wearing a $250 pair. No one's wearing shoes in the mikvah. The mikvah's the great equalizer. And but also Shabbos is the great equalizer. And you know, the beggar and the billionaire you know, sit at the same Shabbos table in the same candlelight, you know, they're they they that's the beauty of our shuls also. It's amazing. Like if you think about the row you sit in in your shul or the table you sit at, you'll you'll notice that it's like like you could really have one of the wealthiest, most powerful guys sitting like three seats away or even right next to a guy who who doesn't have two sticks to rub together. And these are the in built into our society in the Jewish world to that we're all together. And not only that, the you know, you think about history. In history, the you know, the always are wondering which government takes care of the most people, communism or capitalism. Communism capital capitalism Communism says distribute the wealth evenly and then the poor will be taken care of. Capitalism says no, just tax the rich and give it to the poor. You know, give the taxes to the poor. And neither works. You know why neither works? Neither works because what do both systems have in common? The government's in charge of the distribution. Government's in charge of distribution, you're going to have homeless people in the capitalist world. And you're going to have really poor people in the communist world standing in, you know, a 1-mile line to get a loaf of bread. Now, the Jewish world has the answer to this problem that no one sent tends to look at and even people who are Jewish don't even think about it. But we have the answer and the answer is that the poor are everyone's problem, not the government's problem. They're our problem. And in one amazing society we have because it's just filled with with institutions that are set up to take care of everybody. Everyone's taken care of. We don't have a homeless problem. In the Jewish world and Israel's also cuz they're even Israel, you know, with a large secular population, there's no homeless people because everyone feels it's their problem. After thousands of years of being Jewish, we know the poor people are our problem, not someone else's. Anyway, back to the the hearing those voices. You want to get good at those voices. Now, Kabbalah says that the brain is the throne. Teaches us the brain is the throne. Why is it called the throne? Because you can only have one king sitting on the throne. Which means you only can really think one thought at a time. Right? There you can't have two thoughts at the same time. One thought at a time. So, who's sitting on the throne? Is it the body voice, the ego, or is it the soul voice? Like, who's talking here? Who's talking? And And your job is to just like who's talking here? Who's talking here? Is this the body or is this the soul? Is it the body or the soul? And and get good at doing that be aware of that that distinction to make sure that the soul voice is speaking. And as long as your soul voice is speaking, wow, it's so powerful. So powerful. And you could be Yosef Hatzadik, you know, constantly in pits and jails and wherever he winds up, he just he can't help but rise to the top each time. He just rise to the top because he's listening to the soul voices, Yosef Hatzadik. And that soul voice just keeps taking him up to positions of power. Keeps getting put in charge. You know, he can't can't stop being put in charge. But yet he's he's cool. He didn't say to Pharaoh, "Let me guide Egypt through the famine and sorry, through the the plenty and then through the famine." He didn't say that. Pharaoh's the the who said, like, "Who is, you know, the best guy for the job if not this guy. And then he gets the nickname Tsafnas Paneach, which is the word Megillat Esther. Tsafnat Paneach Tsafnas is Tsafun, the hidden. Paneach is the is the the open. Like the the that he can see what's hidden. He sees everything. And so and so the when you're in the soul voice and you're in that humble place you're so powerful. That's where your power is. Now the um So the I want to just, you know, I you I don't know if you guys know what I I really love Jordan Peterson and Jordan Peterson says the following. That a man is very dangerous. And his power is that you never see it. A man is very dangerous. His power is that you never see it. So I want you to get this. We're talking about owning your power, but on the power side of who you are, it's you're dangerous. You understand? I'm so dangerous. I don't know if you guys know how dangerous I am, but walk down 13th Avenue with me. And you know, people are coming up to me all the time and saying hello and some people want selfies or whatever and and the but but the main thing is watch out. Watch out. Which is the strangest thing cuz I'm I'm the friendliest guy around. But you're I'm saying, you're dangerous. Now, most dangerous people are is a different kind of dangerous, meaning we're nervous around them. No one's nervous around me. People are totally relaxed around me. That's own your power. Own your power means you're dangerous. Now, I don't know you know, what you've been up to because again, I'm leading this and this isn't the Kabbalah where we're all going to get, you know, be involved with each other for an hour and a half in the sessions. But, how dangerous are you? You know, are you just like a little frog or something? You know, are you a little little fish? You know, are you just like have you been going around trying to help everyone feel that you're not dangerous or something? You're very dangerous. When you have these pillars, you know, the the other ones we've discussed, you are really something to reckon with, you know, you you are dangerous. But, no one ever sees that danger. You know, I'll just give you an example. I was um I was once leading a shabbaton for the possi-you. We do these big possi-you reunions where it's all possi-you people in a nice hotel and and uh do the whole the whole I it's an amazing shabbaton. And we're at one of those shabbatons and my ben bias, a guy named Yitzy Israel, he he's giving a speech during the during the meal. And in his speech he says, "I've never seen a yumt of anger." And this he had spent more time in my house. I mean, he calls me he calls us come and bubby. His kids call us bubby and zaidy. So, like they've really spent a lot of time with us. Uh he said he'd never see me angry. So, I was the next speech. And I said, "Yitzy, excuse me, but you have never seen me not angry. You've never seen me not angry. It's not just angry. I'm outraged. In fact, I created the possi-you seminar because I got sick and tired of people telling me how amazing I am when I'm looking at the most amazing person I've ever seen. And I'm outraged that people walk around thinking they're nothing. All my years of cure, I'm outraged that Jews don't know that there's Judaism. The Jews marrying gentiles, go ahead and marry gentile, but at least make a choice. Like, find out what Judaism is and then choose. That's not a choice. I'm outraged. I'm angry and and I'm and I'm dangerous. But I'm humble. Meaning, when are you ever going to see me raise my voice? You know, when are you ever going to see it? So, you are dangerous and your power is that you don't show it. You know, if you have to show it, you'll show it. But otherwise, you don't show it. You know, you just don't have to show it. Now, let's go to the ultimate example of humble, and that's Moshe Rabbeinu. Moshe Rabbeinu, the greatest leader that ever lived. And every time the Jewish people complain to him, his answer was, Ma anachnu? What are we? Ma anachnu? Aaron and Korach also, Ma anachnu? Ma anachnu? I don't know why you're complaining to us. You know, you imagine you're the Israelites, you're like, We're complaining to you cuz you're the tour guides who brought us out into the desert with nothing to eat. You know, that's why we're complaining to you. So, here he is, this ultimate leader, but sees himself as like, I'm just a clea- I'm a vessel. Hashem is the power. Hashem's the power. And that's the where we're at really, because what is the neshama? The neshama is just a chelek Elokai mima'al. The neshama's running the show. Oh, he wants you to move your body around and do something or say something? Do it. Say it. But you're you're like a you're like a puppet, and God's holding the strings up there. And he's the power. And you just stay in your humble state. Moshe Rabbeinu is known as the humblest man that ever lived and the greatest [clears throat] leader at the same time. It's such a clear binyan av for all of us that your power does not mean ego. Your power is something that's that's a quiet quiet power. It's like the power of the an ocean current. You know, it moves very slowly, but every boat's going along with it, you know. And you know, I uh quarter mile, you know, tanker is like it's going with that current very slowly, powerfully. That's the power of of Moshe Rabbeinu. And that's your power. So, let's talk about the five signs that are uh signs that we want to work on. The five signs of your power. So, those five signs are first of all um you don't need the last word. You know, in the possibly you were talking about being right, you know, versus having love and closeness. You really don't have to go there. First of all, you're never right anyway, cuz even if you're right, it doesn't need you to be right. If it's right, it's right without you. You know, it's if it's right, you can Google it. You don't But what happens is we start you know, the ego gets involved, starts feeling diminished in some way, and then you go into being right, and you got to give the last word, and you're going to be the right person. So, one of the signs is you're not in that being right mode. You don't have to be the last word. Next sign of being humble is you don't have to be the center of attention. And so, when you walk into a public place, >> [snorts] >> just keep yourself, you know, like like in a state where you don't have to be the center. And you can just enjoy the event without like being the center of it all. The next sign of being the being the um owning your power is that is that you you never have to demonstrate your superiority. When you're with someone you're talking even one-on-one. Meaning you're not showing you're the authority in anything. Again, the more you're showing superiority the more it stinks of of ego and of that you're trying to prove something. You you just don't have to do that. And so another that sign is that you're you're you're never showing that you're superior to anyone. And the next sign of it is that is that um oh when someone challenges you you know, you're whatever you someone raise their hand and they challenged you or or you're in a group of guys and someone challenges you is that your pulse doesn't go up at all. You remain calm in that challenge. But to take it even further is you give it to them. Meaning say you're right. You know, they they one of the biggest secrets in influence is letting the client be right. Letting the the buyer be right. You know, I worked most of my years in in cure of and once in a while I'd have some university student who's got a PhD or whatever. He would raise his hand and throw everything I said out the window. And with quoting like like all these big, you know, famous doctors of philosophy or whatever. And the whole classroom would look at me and like yeah. You know, they were like excited. They just got like a they thought they just hit a home run, you know, against everything I had developed. >> [snorts] >> And you know what I said to the guy? You're right. And the whole room's like, we're right? You know, yippee, we're right. And and then you know what I do? I go up to the board and I draw a Venn diagram, the two intersecting circles, and I say, "You're absolutely right about this, but I was actually discussing this over here." And so I know the rule. The rule is that when someone says something, they're right. Try this in your business meetings. Do this wherever you go. Let them be right. You don't have to show that you're right there. And the last sign that we'll do is that um is that you you empower other people. You know, what's a leader? A leader is someone who develops leadership. Did you know that in the Hebrew and Lashon Hakodesh, we have a principle. If there's a word that doesn't show up in Lashon Hakodesh, it means in the holy tongue, it means it doesn't exist as a reality. It's not a it's not a thing. So guess what is not a thing. There's no word in Hebrew, in Lashon Hakodesh, for follower. There's no word for follower. We've got like lots of words for leader. And there's so many words for leadership. Follower, we don't have. And so you are always creating leadership. You're fanning the flame of the power of the person you're speaking to. We're building power in others. We're not establishing our power over others. And so another sign is you're constantly raising people up into positions of leadership. Just get aware and catch yourself when you're performing. I'm a performer naturally, so I'll start performing before I even realize I'm doing it. But you may be doing it, too. Catch yourself before you are going into performance mode. The next one is let someone else shine. When you're in a group of people, you let someone else shine. Like you could so easily shine right now, and you just let the other guy shine. Like let people shine. And um and then and the next thing to work on practically is just refuse the ego invitation, which is meaning your your ego's going to just be like inviting you to jump in and like say your part or like show you know something or whatever. So, refuse that invitation from your ego when it comes up. Okay, let's do a quick meditation together and then I'll give you a challenge for the next 7 days. So, please uh close your eyes. Let's breathe together. Taking a deep breath in your nose. And hold your breath. And exhale through your mouth. Inhale again, deep breath. Holding your breath. And exhale through your mouth as your body relaxes. And one more deep breath. Breathe in deep. Hold your breath. Release your breath. And just feel your body sitting here. And feel your feet on the ground. Feel the strength in your chest. Your shoulders, your hands. Imagine yourself now walking into a room. If you go to a kidish each week, if you're at a kidish each week, imagine yourself there. And you're sitting there and all the people around. And you have nothing to prove. You're like a lion. You know, lions just are chill, you know, they seem to be lying around most of the time. They You're like a lion, you're powerful. You got nothing to prove. You don't need to impress anyone. You don't need to compete. You don't need to be recognized. You know who you are. You are a soul created in the image of Hashem. And look around now at the other people at the kiddush or wherever you are and see that they are also souls created in the image of Hashem. Your strength is a gift from God. It's not something that's ego. Your greatness that you have is a responsibility to make the world a better place. You are calm, collected, and you are powerful. You're humble. Now, imagine someone's challenging you. And feel that temptation to react. And watch yourself remain completely in command. Watch yourself remain in command, relaxed. You can act. You can speak. You can defend what matters. And there's a point where you should defend what matters. But you don't need to prove anything. You're owning your power. And just be there in that space. And now breathe in deep. Hold your breath. And as you exhale, have in mind these words, "The more powerful I am, the less I need to show it." Inhale deeply. Hold your breath. And as you exhale, have in mind, "My ego needs recognition. My soul already has worth." Inhale deeply. Hold your breath. And as you exhale, have in mind, "A bulldozer controls others. A powerful man controls himself." Inhale deeply. Hold your breath. And as you exhale exhale have in mind humility isn't denying my greatness. It's knowing where my greatness comes from. From Hashem. Inhale deeply. Hold your breath. Exhale, I have nothing to prove. And I have everything to give. And now as you hear the numbers 1 through 5, 5 you'll open up your eyes coming up 1 4 and 5, opening up your eyes. >> [sighs] >> And that's going to segue us up to the pillar number 10, which is coming up. Which is going to be gifting our love. And powerful men, someone who's really being the man is the ultimate expresser of love. See, you think women are loving. Women are nurturing more than loving. Men are loving. And we'll be getting to that next.