The Fake Relationship Crisis with Rabbi Dr Jack Choen

what are you hearing from don't say there's a it's like saying there's a money crisis desperate said you should call a once a week I appreciate that I have a rabbi SL doctor that agrees with me the biggest problem is not feeling worthy of Love there is a spark yay let's get engaged see for yourself how your wife matches your mother and see for yourself how your husband matches your father it's insane you actually have to find somebody else that shows you how you can be loved so now you can love yourself at that kind of person if she's pressing the right buttons for Ellie right she's can help Ellie like a rocket sore am I going to have to do my own laundry well I did my own laundry for see living alone Ellie human beings are social animals and you're very social and you have too much to give to the world thank you thank you thank you this is something that I discovered hundreds of single women got married to to guys that have no way of appreciating what they do for them marriage won't fix your problems marriage will make them worse yeah one woman told me like she was preparing dinners for him every night he would come home and he would make dinner vulnerability is the difference between success and failure the third person today that asked me how's your relationship with Hashem so how do we keep the SP going [Music] 777 okay great so first of all pleasure to meet you pleasure thanks for having me I am recording this also for my podcast positivity so we'll see how how it will work out but first we have a recording so it's nice um my story is very simple I would say grew up in regular kaer sare and Bar Park and uh then just went uh then just went um yiva Square sh sh I learned actually in in new Square in square in Spring Valley then I ended up going toam and learning in over there for two years so that was know that there was a Syrian guy that comes to me for helping dating and he was almost ready to get engaged a month ago but he has his headaches that don't go away he's learninga G in Deal mhm so one night he says I'm done I can't go into my forward right unless I get some some help I don't know what happened hasm put idea into my head I used to love to go visit the s r i said Sunday night it was pouring rain February we have a spot we're going to go so we traveled a couple to a couple hours up there we met with him he was so gracious to us and so nice to us gave him and told him exactly what to do and he's doing extremely well now how did he get rid of the headache how he sent him to a special headache specialist in Manhattan because I knew years ago I knew that the square re is very connected to a lot of big do yeah yeah yeah he's very connected so he sent him to a special headache specialist and he doesn't call me anymore and in English they say no news is good news right so that so you went to to to learn there yeah um and then I just graduated like most of the class got engaged was I was around 21 so 5 years ago 26 now MH and then I just went to take a job like everybody else and worked in construction it was the highest paying job um what did your father and mother do and how many brothers and sisters do you have I have two brothers two sisters my father yeah my father was doing doing um is still doing has Electrical Company beautiful and uh my mother has her own entrepreneurial Journey creative ideas park in Brooklyn so we lived in Brooklyn until 5 years ago then they moved to Lakewood and then a year ago two years ago we moved to Toms River from Lake with the town how old are you today Ellie 26 married single so I'm single yeah oh wow so on the journey yeah okay so have to hear a little about that right so let's go back to you so you finished Yeshiva you graduate I went to work a job for two three 3 4 years yeah and then I said you know this is stupid I'm working for somebody else it doesn't make sense so I said let me open a business something that I really enjoy you know let me do my passion my hobby my goal in life so I was doing back then I was doing the social media from mul schnitzler you know the wed singer so yeah sure he was actually this summer we did a singles event in um Upstate in Hudson Valley he sank for us oh really wow he's big he I remember him being huge in the 1990s and then he became it looks like he fed out some but some bit yeah I'm not sure exactly where you doing his social media I was doing his social I was his manager and a very close friend okay um and I was doing his social media so when I was needing to open a business I said you know what this was something that I was doing as a hobby but let me how about I open it as a business and approach companies and tell them I'll post on your Instagram or link then or whatever um and so that's where I started like my own entrepreneurial Journey which also made me go on to social media a lot more because I was going to show people how to be like that role model like look I have this big following so now if you want your company to have that big following you can hire my company wherever media and we'll do the same so it's fast forward two years and we now have uh we have 20 clients and five or six employees and we're doing it for the biggest companies out there like clients Naturals and clients ice cream companies that everybody know so I'm just really grateful for that that I'm an entrepreneur now um and part of that was also that I was creating these videos and they just started going viral one after another which just showed just for the fact that somebody's willing to speak is why it went viral like I I have podcasts and I'm very vulnerable our last podcast was actually with Rabbi Manus fredman I know you like yeah you quot him a lot in your speeches and so I actually told him on the podcast that I'm going on to I'm going on a date after the podcast which was true so he gave me like the the best dating advice which was you know like don't worry what she thinks about you make sure that she is good for you make sure that you like her make sure that you know um and that helped me really a lot because I did go out and I felt like I did connect with you know it was a very nice girl but I did feel that thing like okay well she's nice I would go on a road trip with her but I don't think that it that there's any value that's added to my life you didn't see her as wife material correct I didn't see her I saw her as wife material I didn't see her as my wife material right all right so like so and you sense that right away in one date so cuz I push people right so one date wouldn't if you have a neutral date go one more a second so it's a good question one date wouldn't have been enough and I'm no expert let me just make this said the record straight I'm no no I'm really I'm young I'm 26 but but uh some tell me I have a old I'm very flattered by it but I don't know everything and I can see myself I can see how my opinions change so I understand that I'm growing um I I agree one date is not really enough but that's why I kind of Tred to drag it along to almost three hours and just go to different settings and go buy food and go see if there's anything that will will change will you know will change the way I feel but I'm I also feel like it's my personality to be able to say on a first date yes or no I'm not the kind of person that will drag it out five dates and then say no I yeah I do have that intuition that that was it physical attraction or was it some opinions that she had that didn't shtim with yours right so it was both so it was I mean it was two things not both it was two things it was physical attraction you know while she was very cute I did not feel necessarily attracted to her and number two um um the second part was that I didn't feel I didn't feel like she would add anything to my life and I've been out with girls that I felt that feeling so it didn't work out necessarily but whatever like they brought something the table exactly like the interest there was interest over there and with this girl I didn't necessarily feel that so I was confident with my decision of not going out again so but I'm just saying the reason why my story is a story is because I'm probably one of the only kidish people or even Jewish people because there aren't many that is willing to come out and just share their story tell people about their own personal struggles or Journey or mental health or or dating process or you know I can tell people openly I've wrote I've wrote on I've written on LinkedIn stories where I say that I I just don't feel well or I don't feel it or I I'm feeling uh you know in a bad mood good mood dark mood and these have you know these have millions of views millions of people see it so it kind of like goes viral that wow this guy is doing stuff and then so recently the last six months I started my own podcast and it right away caught up very quickly like it's it's performing I think a lot better than any other podcast certainly in the Jewish Community um because also for the same concept because it's very vulnerable conversations and the people watch the podcast for the host not for the guest that's the big that's the big difference you know because people can have podcast but bring up guests and the guests are very interesting but if the host is not doing a good job then they don't connect if the host is not being vulnerable if the host is not somebody that has proper knowledge or understanding then the entire podcast is not interesting right you know so that's that's actually what you do you know you're an interesting person you bring up guests and it it your audience loves it it gets a lot of views so it's that that kind of I feel like the podcast that we have in our community and I love all of them and I know all of them but for them it's two things number one they're not sharing about themselves they're they they're just asking questions so it's an interview it's not a conversation and number two it's very political or agenda driven you know so they'll bring up a politician or they'll bring up aidus or a moas or something that has something or or just for the views they'll bring up somebody that's going to get a lot of views so I'm I love the mission with the podcast because I love helping people so it's very very important to me and I understand when I when I talk when I speak we and even this podcast right now that we're recording I'll be posting it probably and I know that thousands if not tens of thousands of people will listen to this right now and I can feel the energy of every person listening I understand that there is a a a kid or a little boy or a little girl at the age of 15 or 16 that has no idea what they want to do with their life but they look up to me and they they they see their hero in me they're like wow look he did it he has a company and employees and can't disappoint them now um I yeah I very much yeah yeah it is and I and I take it on I also know that there is you know I know that there's the older people that listen to me they they they they love just seeing young energy young Talent they feel like they feel like they contribute do you think that people are enamored by you because they're they're I don't want to use the word shocked but they're so uh taken by your ability to freely share that where most people would be more like holding back right well that's a great question I I don't think that that's what people love because this is just my gift like my gift is to share to speak to help people I'm okay doing it there like he's saying what I wish I could say or I wish I could be strong enough to do right exactly yeah that's exactly what I was going to say they see their own inner hero and me when they watch me they're like you know hold on he he's he did his dream I also have a dream I also have a passion to make to bake s though and sell it to my block to make uh wigs and hair or be a dresser or be a personal shopper or create my own business or storefront or or you know like so many ideas that I have he did it so I also want to do it and that's I don't need anybody to idolize me I I I openly say I'm not I'm not perfect there's nothing to look up at there's nothing there's no no results as far again I I love myself but I there's no like results that that should make you say wow he is so awesome besides the fact that if you become awesome then you can say wow I'm awesome cuz you became awesome because of me so that's that's really why I feel people connect and I can't see my life any way different I mean this is you see Ellie being Ellie yeah that's it yeah and and I love it and sometimes I do watch myself as The Outsider because this is a show I openly say this is a show this is not the over here I'm talking everything is good I go I go outside to my car and I'll and I'll cry if I feel alone or I feel lonely or I feel like something's bothering me and some days are good some days are better some days are worse I mean it's that's part of life and I try to share that as well so you know I'll say do you have people reaching out to you daily that's something that what are you hearing from them what are you hearing from CLA St what are you hearing from the public that's a great question because I I love addressing in my videos I love talking direct to clol I I love using that term clol because we're all a CLA and whatever I say even somebody's not listening they're going to repeat what I said by the shabas meal so it's like kind of it's very easy because we're so small that's why we're so big right so you know if you're named MTZ you automatically I just named 100 people on that are listening right and the other 500 know somebody with a name or the other 5,000 actually would know somebody with a name Masid so that's that's how small we are you know so so um um CL there is there is uh there first of all let's start with a positive there's tremendous joy and love and um tremendous acceptance that's literally if we have to name the year 2023 or 2024 the one word would be acceptance that's the acceptance that we have is just unbelievable um Hashem has an interesting way to make that happen unfortunately sometimes through and October 7 kind of style for us yeah there's there's always energies in the world that's affecting that that is affecting everybody of course um the uh so the acceptance is is Major I mean you have nobody looking I was just I was just went to the mall because I had like two hour a window of two hours so I went shopping here in the king king's County it's called what's it called The King's Plaza King Plaza and every year ye that I met I just said hi and they said hi to me or they said hi to me yeah like the the andul is just tremendous excellent on the flip side of that CLA through because we are so because we love the nice cars and the fish boards and the meat boards we we want a good and better quality of life so there's many singles out there that really want to be in a relationship and all it requires is of course a change within themselves but it also requires for one one another to to to reach out I read a yesterday I know a I know a guy I know a girl and I read the and I'm going to follow up with them hopefully they go out I already did three sh and I already read another three or four sh where people went out and I read probably I've asked resumes from about 50 to 100 people that alone is a to ask so I'm saying people need that kind of thing asking what CLA is feeling right now people need that we're we're very much alone there's probably 20 or 30% of people that are single right that's very high I deal with it regularly the whole day right so not simple exactly that's your profession and all that they want is a good relationship I I can't start telling you to how many singles I've spoken um and especially the girls because the men have one problem which is that they they have no idea what marriage is about the girls have have a different problem that they their hearts get stolen and they go into a relationship and they give everything to their husband when I say everything I mean everything but they still can't appreciate it CU they feel so worthless that they don't understand what just happened their parents never love them and they have a wife now that's giving them everything but they have an issue accepting it so one of the journeys that I'm on is to be able to give myself what I need in terms of the kind of love that I need the space the time um healing the kind of energy I need to be in so that when somebody else else gets you think there was anything lacking in your upbringing you feel like there was some emotional vacuum for you and and now you reclaiming things right that you you you're you're taking Ellie and building him up with more bigger muscles emotionally yeah that's a great question I'm just going to close the two tabs that I opened number one so clol is definitely searching no no it's okay CL definitely searching and and looking for stuff that's number one the second thing that I want to finish is that that that yes that people the the the the the marriage I I I actually released a podcast on this and it got like a th000 views and to me a th000 views is a lot I mean it is it's little but for a solo podcast it's really a lot that a thousand people listen to this and this the the the the name of the podcast was we're not in a self we're not in a sh crisis we're in a self-awareness crisis explain so that means that there is a push out there that there's a crisis right and what's keep hearing about it day and night exactly what's a crisis that what do you mean we have boys we have girls they don't have sh your sh is your neighbor I mean there's so much Shad out there there's there's thousands of possibilities don't say there's a Shad it's like saying there's a money crisis like is there really a money crisis like go pick up flowers in your garden and sell them at the corner you will find somebody to buy it for five 10 bucks and with that 10 bucks you'll be able to buy dinner there's no money crisis there's a money crisis when you have a lack of laziness or not knowing how to grab those flowers right the same thing over here there's no crisis there what Define Crisis crisis is what what what does a crisis mean you don't know how to dial the phone number of you don't know how to call you know I said I said this all the time I'm sorry to interrupted I say the same thing I totally agree with you there's no sh crisis there's an attitude crisis right exactly that's how I see it but you you and I are saying the same thing right so so crisis is there is no tired of hearing that term I don't want to hear it anymore exactly now I understand because the people pushing the shim crisis are total victims they either so many of them have their own problem or whatever so they'll push a crisis what do they want out of this this is the same person now begging for money right so I have a money crisis so since I have a money crisis hello can you help me and give me money same thing with there's a crisis hello now let me put the responsibility in everybody to help me with a why why don't help me I know exactly the to call I know exactly which friends to reach out I know exactly where to go if I actually want to find a I can go to I can go to networking event again this is a little bit more controversial because not everybody's going to ask out okay of Al there all types of Alternatives if you're if you're the most from kind of person call and get a B show you go go on a B I know I know there's a lot of B that listen to this they're 18 19 20 they're desperate for have called said you should call once a week have you done that I guarantee you there's no B that's done it and if somebody did it did it then kak then I congratulate you I'm sorry that you have to wait you know I'm going to valid I always tell people I give you permission to bug me all the time I need you to because so you're also a right besides being a sure sure sure I tell them listen it's a it's a demand and Supply I I'll forget about you right because everyone wants help so you to help yourself right exactly like you say Ellie thank you I appreciate that I have a rabbi doctor that agrees with me what does the what does rabbi understand what does Doctor like doctor the doctor started as a foot surgeon this is you this is me years ago looking at this handsome guy and I'm like who is this wow and that doctor was a talid of a godor when he was 12 years old by the name of vidda Miller that's him with me wow see that he was my Reby since I was 12 years old I was born in Cairo Egypt my father's family came from Yim Syria my mother's family was ashkenas from Odessa Ukraine running away from the Communist Revolution he went to kro right can I tell you what I learned from Victor something that I implemented in my life every day so he taught me a lot all what I know about dating now everything makes sense by the way he's such an inspiration um he he taught me they he was at the dentist I think when he was like 9 years old and they told him your teeth are just perfect how did you do it you ever heard the story no and he said every morning when I wake up I just thank God I thank Hashem for my perfect beautiful teeth so there's no way with that kind of energy that my teeth will be rough or anything wow it's amazing so I kind of adopted that and I was at the he us to tell us to brush with salt water yeah he was brilliant in everything yeah so I I kind of adopted that and I was recently at the dentist after not being for two years I mean I go for my yearly checkup but I it's been many years since I've had any any Dental problem and I eat quite a lot so uh so iJoy thank you VI but it's just amazing and I thank for for my entire body for everything for my hair and my skin and my blood and everything that's amazing and I've been extremely healthy um to back to the emotional you as a question about how do I feel like they missed a need well of course they missed a need there is no question no question about it that many of us miss something when we grow up and that results into somebody feeling not worthy of something the biggest problem is not feeling worthy of Love ah and the then therefore when somebody loves them they have an issue with that by the way the spark that we talk about on dating is is not a spark it's a familiar familiarity did I say it right correct um that is that is that we feel so when you go out and you meet a girl and she's your mother she's exactly like your mother or you meet a boy and he's exactly like your father there is a spark yay let's get engaged that's not the spark that's very very far from the spark because when a when you meet a guy or a girl that's really really meant for you you will not feel any spark you will just feel at ease at peace comfortable exactly right without having to be someone else correct or play that role so the spark that we're looking for and most ter most incidents are are are wrong and the audience contest this see for yourself how your wife matches your mother and see for yourself how your husband matches your father it's insane it's really crazy every by the way on a subconscious level guys like this is not there's not something you can prevent like on you of course you didn't you don't know everybody says no I'm I'm not going to marry somebody like my mother right you kind of like even for the joke you say it like no I don't want to do but subconsciously your mind is searching cuz your first feminine energy was your mother and a for girl their first masculine energy was their father so subconsciously they're looking for that kind of guy so if their father was emotionally not available then they're looking for a guy that's not emo they're going to look for somebody that's uh that's not going to be home at night something like that like because their father was never home and this is subconsciously meaning like you're you're you just attracted that you went out with seven boys but the seventh guy matched your father so you just felt the spark yeah this guy must be for me why because he's not home and available for me interesting there's a problem that I see today called TMC too much Choice okay especially it's it's it's it's motivated by having all our devices so I tell people you can open up your phone and within a matter of minutes look at hundreds and hundreds of people yeah and I think that's a huge weapon of the at Zahara to distract people today and um bump them off their Lane in terms of what they should be looking for and I like to always share a story that they did a um experiment in a supermarket called Whole Foods they put down two tables of jellies one had six one had 30 you get a coupon off if you buy and you're allowed to taste anything for free so the table that had 30 got 70% tasters versus the one that had six only had 20 when he came to buying 50% bought at the six and 3% P at the third wow people don't like too much Choice it confuses them I agree isn't that amazing yes so a person today needs to remain focused and have an idea whether it's a top five list or top seven list whatever it is what is it that I need to make me happy and especially Don't Lose Yourself with wants versus needs wants being very gsh very gshi needs the kind of person that's going to bring out like you said the best in me and help me to be the best version of me because R always told us something that I think is excellent and you demonstrate that you're in this world to perform for Hashem thank you and who will help me perform my best that's your soulmate right the person that's going to bring out your talents and nurture them and support you right thank you I thank you I appreciate that and what you said is really beautiful and I absolutely agree and what was coming to mind as I was listening to that cuz I was saying I was thinking to myself yes I I know that I have a lot of options and choices but I also I always say I don't even know if that's true by the way I just added I don't know if the real but something it says in the mishna something about something is great about somebody that recognizes their place and it's certainly a step in the right direction yes and for me that step is I'm very aware and I very much know if I feel Ready or Not um and I'll admit to that kind of Readiness um or sometimes I'll date when I don't feel ready but having a knowing of the fact that I'm not completely ready and saying okay let somebody come potentially into my life to add that whatever it is that they can add and bring value to so that I am more ready so my point is that yes Choice can be a problem but I a bigger problem is like you said if you don't know what you're choosing like what are your choices so clearly creating a a list a little bit of what you want will help writing down the kind of life that you want to have writing down the kind of qualities that one wants to see in their marriage I know for me I I can list some of them just so that people get an understanding like I know for myself that to be um clean and organized is super important and I feel like it's the little things that will determine the big picture of my marriage and relationship but indeed there's a lot of EMS to that yeah thank you so I know for example that that cleanness and organization is important because I can love you to the end of the world but if if our house is dirty all the time and I can't have my mental straight my mental health straight because because an unorganized space will make you not feel so good then we have a problem of course it can be worked on so it's not like you know maybe if I find everything in a special person and she has this one issue then I would look away I wouldn't try to change her exactly but I'm saying to me this cleanness is a very important thing to to me eating healthy is a very important thing of course I can also eat unhealthy and some stuff like that 8020 you know try to keep it mostly but but if you're not somebody that eats healthy then how how am I supposed to protect you support you um love you when this is such a deep core value so some might say wow you know you're really getting into the details you're so far away from the Rus of what life is really about but then it's really these little details that build up a perfect image of what I feel I deserve so that I can say when I meet that special person that okay wow you match those things on my list that I really want and it's not a a strict list but it's just a kind of image an idea of this kind of person I do want that kind of person I I always thought like when we talk about we all have a soulmate and we all have I I I once thought that it's like literally there is a person in a specific place that's mine and and we will meet it's not exactly that way of course it is but you have to find you have to find that person right you have to and we know that we can have multiple soulmates in our life multiples of so you you how clear are you on what's important to you we're not my list is not what's did you hear me say anything in my list about her no what's important to me I don't care what you you can do whatever you want but for me these things are important I have my image my view my perspective what do you think about that do you think I have it figured out or not so much seems like you have an idea you you've thought about it that's for sure he seems to have some degree of clarity as to what you want you're not imposing that on someone else you know and what I like about you is you're other centered mhm and that's very important in marriage you understand it's I always tell people kki used to say something your greatness is the is defined by the Torah by your Ani wow if your Ani is you alone you could be a billionaire but you're very small from our perspective as a as a Ben as you care for more people as your Ani grows from the torah's perspective you become greater greater and greater and greater wow I got to share an amazing story with you yeah please cuz um during PR they run sometimes polls they'll ask influencers in dating what do you think is the greatest and most important me to look for so they asked me this past year and I said I didn't have to think I said a v someone was willing to give of themselves yeah I was in Miami a month ago and took my wife on a little vacation my favorite city I used to live there six years anyway I read a story was absolutely amazing they locked up there was a guy you know land owner in in in po they locked up a guy cuz he had an inn on his property and he fell behind 300 rubles arum Kipper he takes him and his wife and his kids and he throws him into a dungeon and he tells the Jewish Community I don't care he can rot and die in there there was a guy who really took it to heart and he wanted to help to try to collect so he want collecting all he made was three 30 rubles really off so he doesn't know what to do and I'm kippers tonight so he finds out that there's a game ging Hall in town where there's a lot of Y there they're gambling they're drinking vodka they're not so they're not so from whatever and they don't care about your ker ton they'll show up and they show up never show up so he walks in there and there's tables and people playing lots of money he sees money on the tables and vodka and they're drinking and they're gambling he walks up to one table and he says he tells them the story heartbreaking story person and his wife and his children are stuck in this dungeon it doesn't doesn't bother them then suddenly one of the guys says you know what his vodka is 100 190 proof drink this and I'm going to give you 100 rubles wow so he 8 oz cup yeah he drinks it and he's like he's now he's about to he's like shaking back and forth and he gets the 100 rubles but he's still 100 call it to 100 short he goes to another table and they saw what happened so they pulled the same stunt on him and he drinks the whole 8 O of vodka again 190 proof this is six up he's about to collapse at this point but he's like he's he wants that other 100 so he goes to the third table and does the same thing again and he drinks another 8 oz cup and then he tells them I do me a favor I can't even walk just carry me to the to the to the land that landlord that Baron Noble whatever he gets there he knocks on the door and barely able to stand up he gives him the 300 rubles and he releases the man releases from the dungeon the yid and his wife and his kids now it's almost time for and he says take me to sh so they take him to SCH but he's flat out he gave up his yum Kipper for this to help another you so they so they um they lay him down and they starting to open the AR to bring out and up there so he gets up and he sees the S Torah coming out and he starts singing to and they said that drunk guy get him out of here throw him out but believe says no you don't understand because he thought it was he so he goes you don't you and I and all of us have to worry about tonight with yum Kipper because our lives are still hanging on the balance he just flew right over and he's St already he doesn't even need y Kipper wow that's what it means to care about other people he's good he's done he's sealed you and I have to worry he doesn't have to worry he's already in already yeah this reminds me of the common joke I love of the story thank you reminds me the common joke with people say that I want to lay down and wake up you ever heard that yeah yeah I I just love that very ni I'm curious from your perspective what do you think is the biggest thing that people are lacking for boys and girls like what's the biggest mistake that a boy is making when he's looking for sh for Z go how to how to how to date properly what to look for in a person you understand y more than ever I I see a big need for that they have no idea what they're doing how they what to look for right exactly um personality that shims with mine um someone a good family that I can visit once in a while someone who has good MOS I tell the girls for example there are three things to watch in a guy KAS sh the three KS yeah the three yeah Kaman kdan you said and the other was Kaman kdan kasan kasan right sh taught me this and this is something I teach I love it by the way I agree cuz KAS is definitely I'm grateful that I don't have that mid and I agree generous you got to be a giver I love how you said it because a Canan means that they're not generous about life they're not a giver they're not in a giving energy and kdan means like they when they can't change when they're so rigid basically they call it right so automatically if your wife says something your SP yeah like your this doesn't work for me no I'm never going to do this you know those type of personalities I always say I work on it right now so that when I become I don't know like I'm 100 years old I'm I you know Grandpa we going to the moon for I should be like yeah no problem you know like I don't want to be that kind of person that's like no I'm not going anywhere I'm staying here you know that rigidness I I love that very good concept I also try to explain to them that we're living in a very uh times are very interesting especially people are tested in their yish yeah I I say to them and I believe this wholeheartedly marriage is a spiritual path wow look for someone who's lit up not cold with a fire there's a spark of of idealism right well well clearly in I don't know if you if you're into these kind of Concepts but for me everything that every kind of sh that came was attracted by a certain specific energy and place that I was in my life so that's why it's so important to to know who you are before you go out there and dat I also agree that it's you can't really love yourself some people say you have to love yourself then you can find somebody else that that's going to love you it's not really true you actually have to find somebody else that shows you how you can be loved so now you can love yourself for that kind of person you know like people always say to people I wish you can see yourself the way I see you that's a very true statement so yes of course I can work on my self love but I'm not I'm not always going to know how to exactly love myself until until another person comes in and tells me how lovable I am tells me what they're seeing there's only a certain amount of things that you can see about yourself um and then the rest you can't really see so that's what that's why it's a ISAC conecto because you're getting a perspective that that is really unseen is really like you're going to get a reflection of yourself and by the way that's why so many marriages go wrong because they get married and they start seeing things about themselves wow am I really that kind of am I really that bad am I really that kind of that kind or that cson or that like all these things you start finding out stuff about yourself because she's the reflection he's the reflection everything that you're doing they're sitting there to show you they're holding up a mirror to your face the entire day the good news is that if you're a nice guy you're also going to see that like I don't know how nice I am until I live with somebody in a house 24/7 absolutely and they tell me you know Ellie you're such a nice person you know you're in a good mood when you wake up you're excited about your day when you go to sleep during the day the midday crash you handle it so well the the the the the weekend you handle it so well the Sundays you spend it so nicely but you he touching on a very good point here and that is finding a partner who is generous in compliments yeah that's so important so important because they bring out the best enough yeah no people love that rill was talking about that and toward of vda last week people hollish for that he goes even I my wife I'm GNA finish my Shear I'm g go upstairs I want her to ask me I heard heard had a great sheer people like that so if she's pressing the right buttons for Ellie right she's going help Ellie like a rocket sore right right and and this is what I learned for Manas because I was always concerned like I was when I was dating I kind of I was putting up an act I used to like because but then he taught me this concept like just be you you want her to love you for for you you you or better you want her to work like the only thing that matters is if you like her right if she's appealing to you so you be you don't act don't pretend go on a date be real one of the things that I do I have this argument with my friend um we like we always talk about like um if if if the guy should set a place to go or married guy uh he's dating actually so but he does have good exper our conversation is very simple do should we should you should the guy set up a date or not I when I usually go on a date I have a few ideas where I want to go but I just I just chill I just let's go wherever you want to go um and for him it's very very calculated he knows exactly where he's going to go what he's going to do on the date and um or certain specific ways of how he's going to test his his date that's very that's that I found very interesting CU actually the girl he's dating knows about these test and she finds it fascinating that that kind of shows that when when you have somebody special dating it's just it's pretty cool but I'm saying like he that's it's it's just interesting I I feel like I'm more of a flow kind of person um rather than being be honest and speaking to thousands of people there's no a real right way it's what hits like you you're you're an energy person if that's what is zorm that what flows for you fine he likes it more structured exactly right you know fantastic whatever you know different strs for different folks right I I yeah thank you I I that's that's beautiful you said I and I and I see my life that way of course I I try to structure things in advance like the fact that we met was scheduled over a week ago I think two weeks ago about but I'm just saying like so I can schedule in advance but I also love to be a kind of a last minute kind of guy heard this from Donald Trump too he keeps always keeps his schedule empty so that anything can still happen you know he can anytime go somewhere and he says that he does that intentionally so so yeah I am kind of a flow kind of person but I'm actually I'm very excited for where regards from Rabbi Ezra Max by the way great guy great guy um regards to him I I had this convers ation with him we talk a lot and I was telling him that I the the space that I am right now the energy that I am my dating energy is very is a very very interesting energy you know from one part I don't want to I don't want to get M I don't I don't I don't need to get married I feel and I feel like it's rather a want I feel like it went from a need to a want most people especially the expression in the world and the world is everything is I I need I need I need I need it also goes with what his number one famous thing is like you're you're you're not needy you're needed you know what I'm saying so the moment you need a you need you need you need you're putting yourself in the opposite energy completely right right you know or or you will attract somebody that's in that kind of energy because still happen for bad people or for people that are not exactly completely you're not you're not seen in a most positive way yeah I know people like that as clients and they press too hard right yeah so I think I think self-awareness yeah is the most beautiful thing about a man that he can do andem most women most girls already have that they they are born with that Bida you know they have they they have the self-awareness and they're also a lot more in their bodies they they they go by feelings not by thoughts men are like logic and ethical and they they're stuck in their head a woman is is created so that she is in her body they are a lot more smarter they're a lot more caring they will Express their emotions too they they they'll they they'll cry easier they'll feel easier they'll be open about telling you if I'm in a good mood or in a bad mood for men it's uh it's very difficult to break that that that shell so I'm just I just feel like my energy now when it comes to dating is just very it's a very interesting energy of kind of accepting myself exactly for who I am knowing my insecurities my problems I was speaking this morning to my therapist I was saying like I don't know if I want to live alone on a house like who says I want to live alone I I I I don't live alone like am I going to have to do my own laundry well I did my own laundry see you living alone Ellie human human beings are social animals and you're very social right so and you have too much to give to the world thank you thank you thank you yeah no but I was I was saying it hypothetically I mean I was obviously I was in I was in dorm for many many years I wasn't I wasn't home I of course I did my own laundry and cooked for myself and shop for myself I still do I shop my own clothing I buy my own food I make myself breakfast and lunch every day and uh I I I took a solo trip a few months ago like I can I feel like I could be potentially alone but it was like kind of a blockage and you know she asked me so who are the people that that are now caring for you in in in your life and I started saying okay so look my father takes out the garbage and my mother makes dinner and and so and so and so on so the exercise was well can I well of course there is a blockage there because getting married means that I I am I am the G as you always say right I am the one now taking care taking responsibility taking care of her when she has the flat tire who she calling me and I have to show up there so it's putting myself into that energy and I ask myself well can I do this and the answer is of course I can of course I just have to open up new Pathways in my own brain and say that yes I I want to be this kind of of person so it opened up for me a new door yes I want to have I want to have no no no not at all well I have a lot of fear sometimes but but I'm saying do you fear the potential of sharing a life with someone or the responsibility does that does that seem overwhelming to you sometimes yes uhuh do you fear losing your freedom cuz you gotten used to you know do what I want when I want no one to tell me really when what if um no rules or regulations I don't fear it but the way you say it I'm actually thinking that no I I wouldn't want somebody to take away my space but I think that I would make to her very clear I had this argument with my mother I take a walk every night I walk three miles beautiful and yeah and she's like you know Ellie when you get married SP this or exercise both by the I walk three miles I go to the gym every day yeah but and I do the same thing to land every morning half hour in every direction very nice yeah I I do as B the also every night speak to Hashem it's beautiful but she told me like you know when you get married you can't do that you can't walk out of the house and take a walk for an hour I was like um well I can do that and I will tell her that correct and I said also look I would be also open to going to going every second night with her on the walk I'm okay with that but sometimes I need my walk alone to recharge to be a better person for her right so no I don't ex I don't really fear it and especially as I said I feel like now I'm I'm trying I'm I am working on being okay with it being very but I'm saying what the reason I'm saying it is because some people might look at me like a migan like like well you can't live alone the answer is for most of us we don't even address this these kind of problems these kind of insecurities and then one day you find yourself yes living in apartment but you're freaking out because you had some some area of you had that issue a while ago but you never addressed it yes so find whatever blockage it is that you have because as I said there is hundreds or thousands of couples right now where you have I'm talking about this one case scenario this own study I I have this thing I talk every day to one person that I never met in the past and this is something that I discovered hundreds of single women got married to to guys that have no way of appreciating what they do for them really yes so you talking about Chim crisis no no no no no that's a problem this is a CR and by the way I'm I'm a guy I'm very I'll be very happy to protect the men I know some women out there weren't right for you whatever there's there's answers for everybody this is not a general topic I'm think this saying this is one specific area of women that were that are such nice people but they tried and tried and tried and this guy was just cold stone he he couldn't take anything from her one woman told me like she was preparing dinners for him every night he would come home and he would make dinner because he needed that kind of leadership he needed like look I'm making dinner and you know hurtful yeah it's very hurtful and and these women like still some of them still pray for their for their ex every day like that's how caring and loving they are and were amazing but this guy just had no no ability to appreciate and accept the by noticing these things for example I mentioned for me one insecurity that perhaps living alone can be a challenge that I'm that I'm working on to accept and understand that yes I could I could live alone and be the the the caretaker of a of a home but if every man and every woman can identify what's for them the blockage before getting married or engaged like what's what is my insecurity what is what what what what did my father or my mother tell me all the years that perhaps is possibly not so true and now I'm going to get into a relationship with a guy with a girl in in a marriage and and and still live that kind of pattern like I had I I knew someone a friend of mine that whenever I was trying to and he worked on this whenever I was trying to give him something or help him or just give him food whatever kind of thing he would always resist it he was always like I I can do it on my own I can I can take it on my own problem and he he this this you need to learn how to accept the gift exactly and this guyus all the times right so this friend is very self-aware and he worked on it and now and now that changed like if I if I were to offer him something he would be yeah sure thank you like but but this you understand what I'm saying like everybody has these little things in their life that they're resisting and resenting and not being able to accept and the moment that they notice these things all you have to do is notice I'm not talking about here a life-changing situation you don't have to go through a surgery to changes this is just noticing a certain goes on you make an excellent point something that I teach often is that if you have an emotional psychological problem take responsibility and fix it now people think that by getting married it'll just go away so I often say This Ellie marriage won't fix your problems marriage will make them worse because it magnifies it now under a microscope since you're under the same roof yeah so you make a very Val Point whatever it is and every one of us has something that we need to uh you know Rubik's Cube that needs to be fixed a little bit we need to play with that combination um whatever it may be is it your selfishness is it like for example lack of appreciation whatever it may be take responsibility because you're going to have a much better marriage otherwise by tell by sing sending your problems into the future thinking that marriage is going to make them go away is a huge mistake wow huge mistake right yeah marriage only makes it worse because now there's no way play nowhere to hide right they see the real you wow wow yeah and it's also I feel like it's a sense of unknown so we have to be most people are afraid of the unknown yeah so marriage is kind of Unown I don't know how it's going to make me feel I don't know how I'm going to enjoy it I don't know the ups and downs that it brings well one of the keys again I'm not here to flatter you but one of the keys to a great relationship is that magic word vulnerability wow most guys can't be vulnerable it's uncomfortable for them it eats away at their masculinity I totally agree yeah and and the and vulnerability is the difference between success and failure right yeah that's the one thing I heard when I date that uh they would tell me like wow your vulnerability is on a is on the next level um yeah it's a big M it is a thank you yeah I I I I agree with what you said like men are very close though most men will never cry and right and it's it's very difficult for a woman to be with such a man people don't because they're emotional and they want to be included in your life exactly so if if they can break you if you can be if a man can be emotional the woman feels like look he's so open open he's so raw he's so real and it it makes them melt towards you like it's like it you're giving them space validation whatever a lot of things people don't realize the potential of how a wife could help you exactly but they can only help you if you're if you open up to them if you open up to them if you're vulnerable if you're uh yeah wow let me ask you a question Ellie I just asked someone this question who I'm trying to help it I thought maybe you want to tackle it how do you think your your relationship with hasem has changed over the years um the scary part is you're the third person today that asked me how am I Rel play it with them yeah you're the third person today that asked me how's your relationship with Hashem yeah and at this point I'm going to take it as a very I said I have no idea I talk to him he doesn't talk to me but I think the fact that I got asked three times in one day how is my relationship with hasm I think it means I think that that's a very clear message from him I think that that's him talking um and I'm going to say this I think it's a little bit weird but the relationship has been very much I feel like it's been a giving and not receiving and that's maybe why the relationship is not so well because if I receive then I put him into his position which is to be a giver but I feel like it's only been a one way I've I've done I've spoken to him I do I learn and but I'm not always seeing what he's giving to me so I'm not valid this is literally like that woman that will serve you and prepare for you and take care of you but you're not willing to take opened up tonight's show and told us about all the success you're having correct so where's that coming from uh some random computer so exactly exactly so got to open the eyes yes so I'm I'm doing this bed album but I'm also going to work on a on a system where I can notice the the things that he does for me every single day and strengthen that relationship by by thanking him by allowing him to give me things that's how I'm going to strengthen this this relationship bym so yeah that's that's kind of my Journey with the relationship terrific thank you wow wow wow wow wow how we doing on time wow okay very good um anything else we want to chat on you you haven't spoke you haven't said much about yourself I mean you want to tell oh for sure I would love to hear about you if you want to share sure sure sure okay um how did I get into this I said I was I I trained as a doctor and and um I got a lot of training and direction from R de Miller over the years wow and understanding people and their needs and he played a critical role in pushing me to being a teacher in in Yesa gas in the morning right many of the boys coming home from Mar Isel who came to my show on Mish gar and asked me questions about the girls they were dating after school I didn't have a clue so I said I better start learning this is 25 plus years ago and little by little I I started learning about the subject that fascinated me um and then I found myself under numerous kuas wow yeah wow for for them and then and then I moved to Miami after passed away and I taught University of Miami every week I came in my scrubs and I taught people who knew nothing about yish Kai wow nothing that's all the sa yeah very satisfying I prepared my sh in between surgeries I ran in there to the University campus on shabas night the door was open to people to come so we used to have between 4 to 10 guests a week these are college kids right and um I got more of more more experience with it then came a very interesting time I had thought that I was going to just live the rest of my life in Miami I had I I had my practice in the middle of the day and I taught in a different city every night so Monday night I took I taught toian Jews Tuesday night I taught to Persian Jews Wednesday night I taught uh at the University and Thursday night I told MN at at the base ker ra gross wow who was great grandson R wow from the that's why you're a rabbi wow yeah yeah and then I the for two shs on shabas WOW yeah that was always my big Forte and how many when did you start making sh so I'll tell you what happened then I um little b a little bit in Miami people met at my shum but then I had to make a decision I saw my children were not exactly fitting into that Society I had a very close CER to the Tasha re I said to him something doesn't make sense I own a house in Brooklyn which I want to sell I bought a house in Miami and 2 and a half years they're not giving me permission to put a a nail in the wall because why do you need six bedrooms yeah cuz I wanted to help people who are for example collecting for stuckers they had nowhere to go they came to Miami they collected and they gave the money back to the hotel wow so it wasn't fair right so anyway nothing was moving he says to me rakov it's over you were sent to Miami on a mission you had a tun that was was your mission to help CLA you taught you gained you you you do all this it's time for you to come back to New York that's why your house hasn't sold wow so I came back and I didn't go back into practice right away I continued my work and I used to have a sheer years ago called Wednesday night dating with Dr Jack in a Yesa called RoR which is a guys from about 20 to say 25 and every Wednesday night they would get dinner and I and I was I was creating his own my own show room researching the secular part the the from the religious part and putting it together and they' sit back and instead of having gamar they would have me yeah one night one of my friends M albas who's on Tor he's a very big mag for kids came with a camera and put it up and within two days I'm getting emails from all over the world people's relationships and they have questions yeah which I do someone from California someone from Hong Kong someone from Uganda I'm getting calls from Nigeria you name it um down south Chile Argentina and so I didn't have an issue attacking those questions it seemed like it came sort of naturally yeah also along the way I spent many years in uman with r Mar many years and I I sort of once rill passed away I had an emptiness in my life and then I was at the Kil and someone gives me the garden of imuna I was fascinated by this book and ultimately I was the first one to bring him into America really 2007 wow I brought him here and I exposed him to the United States because I found him to be very similar to Victor Miller the only difference is like I'll tell you whatas brought me when I came to uman for the first time I saw something that was fascinating AR rosashana growing up spartic Lish yeah you were petrified of rash and here I am on the on and they're dancing 10 minutes before we're think that our lives are on the line and I said these people have it right that's the way to approach yish that's the way you understand that changed me forever wow in my so when did you start doing Shad I guess once you had an audience and a following or yeah about uh 12 years ago and how many sh have you made I say I tell people I made about say 30 wow but but but how many did I facilitate through my showroom oh exactly over a couple of thousand 100% because I get emails all the time wow curious what you think for me cuz I'm I'm looking to date right now and I'm curious what you think what type of person I have to be or what type of person would be good for me in terms of who I date to potent potentially get married to okay so like I I I was about to say uh I think you need a great listener yeah who's authentic and real wow and someone who is genuine there's a lot of plastic today wow and you are an individual who has no problem exposing his inner core too cavaro is that good or bad or sometimes I ask myself the fact that I have all these followers which of course I have my healthy boundaries in place but um do you think that that's something that girls would have an issue with or I don't think so as long as you never deprive them of the attention that they need right let me explain something to you yeah I want I often so one one one year when I was still a podiatrist I would I had invented a line of art supports that I wanted to sell to the retail trade like Walgreens and the buyer says to me uh we're in the middle of cons you know conversation about the product line where are you in the morning I said I teach young men in a Jewish Institute like Yesa explain to him he's an Irish guy from Chicago he says what do you teach them so I said Mr M I'm going to teach you your first two words in Hebrew treat your wives like Moman first place you understand so I don't think they will have a problem with you or what you do as long as you never deviate from that makom Shan mentality wow if she feels like she's First Place she'll let you do what you need to do right what gives you that Joy once your life starts to revolve too much around Ellie you have a problem yeah cuz now she shut out yeah and that's a problem so would I do if I was you look for an authentic real girl look for idealism it's very important for someone who wants wonderful children and toyra should be part of that it's critical this is who we are as Jews right you know someone who looks up to gdan someone who cares about having great children you need to have these discussions with them where do you how do you want to raise the kids would you do it differently than your parents how do you feel about discipline what Yesa system do you want to send them to you need to get into this stuff stand how do you feel if someone embarrassed you in public would you them back in the restaurant how would you do that now you're getting into the kishkas look for MOS physical attraction remember just ignites the fire but it only lasts a match for 5 seconds yeah MOS is what's going to carry that relationship for years right so I give you an example watch this I still am involved in my in my life as a in medicine so I had I needed an attorney and I called the New York State Medical Society and they said to me I said who do you use she she says to me a guy in Buffalo so I call him up his name is Matthew Feldman he's fry Guy totally not and he knows that I'm from and whatever so he says to me I got to tell you a story I had to fly on JetBlue from Buffalo to Manhattan for a hearing in the department of health and it went well now it's time to go back to JFK to Jeet Blues terminal and go home fly back to Buffalo he goes to the terminal in JFK and then they tell him there's a 4-Hour DeLay So they say to him the lady tells him from Jeet blue go why don't you go over to the tww hotel over there and just hang out at the bar and we'll call you when the plane is ready he walks in there he says I have to tell you Dr Jack I saw a site I couldn't understand 150 Orthodox couple on a date what is going on he says to me I said to him Matthew that's real dating wow you know what's what they doing they're asking very clean significant questions about quiet environment how do you relate to me do you and I have the same Ash comes from word Mish glasses I always tell people love is not two people facing each other love is two people fa facing in the same direction wow are we and you and are in the same direction I said in your world they waste four or five years dating and they don't have a clue where the other person is is here they're getting down to T they're asking questions how do you feel about this and what's your position about that and you they're checking for anger and like we said they're checking for a guy who's cheap and they're checking for lack of flexibility and is looking for acts of does the girl volunteer does she help around the house does she help the next door neighbor with the 10 kids wow that's super powerful I agree yeah that is the method by the way I mean that is wow wow I remember when I was dating and I I grew up in the Safara Community a lot of life was defined by money right I didn't want that I was lucky that I was at you know what I used to do I stuck his cassettes into the player and when we were on dates I wanted to see how they would react right my wife ultimately was the one who was for me why CU I said I want to live a life like him a life of growth right a life where I'm a meaningful life right you say when i d hashm for life I want a meaningful life I want a life that I feel like I even when I walk in my this in the morning hasem help me use my to help right and what do you think is AAS for a person for a woman for a girl for a for a guy listening to this what does AAS for them mean does it mean that they it means different things for different people like for example if you're very from so you you you you have two or three sh you talk to right plus plus you have your 30 second elevator pitch when people see you at at s or whatever here's what I am here's who am here's what I'm up to and uh you know a brief discussion I'm kind considerate outgoing I'm not I'm quiet whatever it is do you think that part of aad list is also that they should be a certain person or a certain type or level up the certain image not image but always growing your MOS right yeah work on yourself work on yourself and and and and keep yourself busy doing good things work at your job but then do a little volunteer work help the Clown get your get for yourself once you hit a say once you hit a certain amount OFA and certain work on your personality and character bam it happens right I also know you do very interestingly you do marriage counseling I do so what is the number one biggest problem that you see couples are having right now and second question is what do you think is the number one um tip for a couple to do to implement so they don't have problems I think one of the biggest problems we have is communication wow yeah or lack of or we're chasing dreams and we're chasing the American dream and we want this and we want that and we don't realize how it's so subtle how the car can start deviating off the lane until it's very far right yeah I that's fascinating that you say this cuz my own concept of marriage when people ask me what are you looking for whatever I always say the most important thing is communication yeah communicate from the first date communicate everything but you feel that in the relationship they're basically weighing each other down because there's no commun other for granted they're not giving enough compliments they are forgetting each other even though that they really loved each other and they really connect and they're meant for each other marriage is a plant if it's not not watered it dies but why wouldn't it be natural no a plant is natural like wouldn't it be natural that they would love to nourish it if if I really love my wife what's there to nurture like I'm I'm just coming home every day and I love you and I want to take care of you I I like you I mean I love how you look I love what you you're saying that now but now so what what happens what happens when you're into a marriage 5 10 15 years you tell me what happens I tell you familiarity breeds contempt I see you all the time you're not as special to me anymore so how do we keep the SP going Ah that's very important there's what's called 777 every seven days go on a date every seven weeks one day off together every seven months three-day vacation nice I like it this your thing I came up with it yeah love it very very nice and true interaction with each other right right but some people maybe do lose it perhaps you have to go you good uh probably I was supposed to whatever supposed to talk to somebody in Miami no another 5 minutes I really uh because I because I was speaking most of the time I need this to be minimum of 50 I'm sure okay good yeah now I have another few questions because I'm going to use this for myself I'm I'm actively dating um what does Define a good the happy marriage is that 777 or what what does Define a good marriage I I think like 50% of people do not have a good marriage they're just living and surviving right you know what I'm saying like it's you you can see it you can if you look around you'll see the way they talk about each other does not look in any way like they're happy so it's kind of scary to consider that the the adal kite starts to be diminished that's a problem that's a problem well we live in a in a very affluent time yeah but more stressful than any than ever in the history of the world MH people have added a lot of stresses to their life because of they're I need to do this I got to get this I want to do this I want to do that they add more things that they want out of life right and that sort of like tests the system right and the expectations got yeah a lot of expectations right and we're we're not also sheltered anymore right we're not sheltered um look at the world and look how it's being challenged right yeah I also know you talk about scenarios where you do encourage not encourage but you do say that it does work anymore like because people call you you're the last stop so they'll call you and they say this and this and this and you'll say yeah it's not going to work like you said you said one example with the flat tire you like the guy came he was making her feel guilty for having the flat tire and you like get out of that marriage like if he can't be the man when you have a struggle it's never going to work I was thinking to myself what do you mean maybe that man had a bad day today but then I was thinking no you're right like if it's diagnostic of a big evil yeah ex ex exactly it just shows exactly so what when do you know how do you know to call the the shot and say guys this is not working out when you see that enough effort was made and the other party is not taking the what's the word taking that next step to changing right so you just averse the change I'll give you an example I had a couple here last year with two children mhm and he's 26 and he's 27 and he continues to neglect her on shabas he's on Tik Tok till a minute before benching and he does this every Friday and now shabas he just goes and he hangs out in the park with his friends leaves up with the two children and she said to me I'm done and I said to her you're 26 with two kids you know how difficult it's going to be to find you with just give him another chance I'll rehabilitate her no I am done I'm out out out I could not convince her otherwise and was so burnt by the lack of attention did he want to give it a chance did he want a change want she didn't trust him anymore because he he continuously disappointed her yeah right he burnt his Bridges wow yeah he burnt his that's how the story ended yeah a few months later he went to divorce wow she was ready to become a single woman a divorced mother for two kids it's a problem um it's a problem on her end it's it's a problem from both both of them because it's but she's rather she'd rather get out of it I'm also seeing a lot of infidelity a lot a lot of cheating wow yeah a lot a lot of divorced people coming in here with that issue yeah wow yeah yeah and and I think that that comes back to to the self-worth that we discussed yeah the the the the vision the image of the deeper understanding like you can never be satisfied if you don't take care of yourself you can never be satisfied if you don't have the direction of why am I married and that's why all the people calling me a NE for being 26 and not married no no no no I'm very very lucky I want to have all this information before I get married I want to know everything I want to know everything I want I want there to know about about about the cheating I want there to know about the people that are unhappy about the divorce rate about the the the the the the single parents and and the struggling parents and the all these things so that I can at least know what I'm against that you know and yes so wow yeah RAB Jack thank you so much I was honored app to share and to learn this is going to be amazing it's going to go viral I'm going to put it on to my platform and uh I have canina H of tens of thousands of listeners like unexpected I did not especially with the podcast and I always say this like I had no the podcast I I felt like two 300 people will listen to it but it just the amount it goes so viral and people download it and they send it and then they even in the isas on on Sans eclips they just love listening to to new uh to to the the concepts that the people talk they're hungry for for information because what we just spoke about nobody talks about like you said the education nobody talks about this nobody says this or Yeshiva or there's no public course out there of course you can go to coaches there's many coaches out there but where do you get this information for free rarely no you know so I I don't mind hitting New Frontiers W in order people say to me about me they said you're tough but you're straight yeah you are yeah I love your style I watch a lot of your speeches you're very and you say a story with gak it's it's it's a to listen so yeah guys I would encourage you to check out Rabbi Dr Jake and uh you can find a lot of his videos on YouTube you can find the website drj dating.com call me call me I'll give them my number right yeah if you have any need for dating coaching or you want to get matched up or shus or marriage 30526 916 barash Ellie and I sitting in this beautiful office that my wife designed you can come and stop in we'd be happy to host you amazing there's anything we can do for you thank you yeah and uh so thank you everybody for listening please remember to like and and uh subscribe and please if you can share this podcast and leave a comment it really helps me out thank you so [Music] much