Project Inspire Convention 2022 Impressions Like it or Not, You’re a Role Model Parenting Class

okay good morning all right all right good morning thank you wow yeah yeah no it's against us why over here so it's uh it's quite for those here for shabbos though we heard a uh a fascinating gemura that was briefly mentioned a mishna now again i don't know everybody's background over here so what did i just say for those who are unfamiliar we have what's called the written torah and the oral torah the oral tradition uh the greatest body of work of that is known as mishna mishna is a mishnah and the missionary elvis tells a fascinating fasting idea which brings out a concept perhaps you have noticed that i don't know if either you have kids or perhaps you were a kid but you may remember when you take a look at kids kids at least the way people say they remember the darndest things right they remember he said wow they have such amazing memories kids have such amazing memories how do they have such amazing memories right you tell them something and they remember how is that possible right so so question is where does it actually come from and everyone gets it yeah when a kid is young they're like a sponge and they absorb and they take things in and that's okay it's true it's not true i don't know um what i do know is the following the mystery tells us about someone by the name of alicia benavuyas that sound familiar to anyone yeah okay so in the name of alicia benevola yeah so alicia banavuya was a tana was atana if you don't know what atana means autonomy he's one of the authors of the mishnah he's one of the big guns one of the big guns unfortunately unfortunately he went off on a different path and uh and and uh for those who weren't here yesterday right he got he acquired a new name his name was called okay so alicia benevola now what what does he say now he's mentioned this is where rabbi jacobson mentioned he's mentioned one time in the mishnah by his actual name and if you take a look the misha says the following this is chapter 4 mishna 25 at least according to this particular version in the art scroll sitter there are different versions of this so it may be 421 or 420 or something like that but here in 425 it says the following at least someone who teaches a child what is it compared to ledio it's like fresh ink written on a blank new piece of paper and then we get on to velomite zucking if you want to teach someone who's older la maudoma what's it compared to le dios it's like ink that's written on a smudged or erased paper everybody everybody get it how do kids remember so many how are they oh my what a memory how do they remember what's the answer there's nothing in their brain there's nothing there it's totally empty if i told you remember the number seven and then a second later you go seven that's brilliant first of all i only said one thing and it was right now but if i tell the kid remember seven there's a thing that the gemara calls girse the ankasa which means the things that we learn when we're young we remember the things that we learn when we're very young we remember these things forever and ever and ever we get older and older and older it doesn't matter we could always go back to when we were very young except for one of you who will say i don't remember so not you but everybody else and it'll be the variable of who you are okay so it could be many of one of you the point is is that we remember things not because kids are necessarily like sponges but rather because they're like blank pieces of paper there's nothing at all in their brain then you tell them something then we get older we get more information and more information and more information then what ends up happening is we get more information and then we told someone like oh no forget that so we're like okay so we go like that it's like it's a sketch you know that just gets things you're like you know you go like that and then you start to figure out some of the kids have no idea what i'm talking about because it's all electric it's like i just like beep right over here you know what i mean so that's those guys think and we tell them we go like we go like this and then we go and finally they tell you something else no no no no no what's the number okay the number is uh whatever it is five one six two no no no no no i'm sorry sorry oh sorry nine seven nine so we just hear tons of things and what happens it gets erased and then we rewrite then we erase then we rewrite them we erase so we get all confused and we're not sure which is the race part which is not the erase part and then we wonder why we don't remember things kids remember things because there's nothing there and that's why all of us remember things clearly like you know when they say the expression i remember it like it was yesterday so that already is a loss of memory why don't you say like today you know but okay i remember it like it was yesterday i could i could it was almost like i have a memory actually i have i have a memory i i must remember this like literally literally as if it was 32 years ago because it was and it was a dream that i had i dreamed a dream and this dream whatever it may have been i have such a vivid memory of this dream i think maybe it was my first nightmare my first time here there was a gamora and a stender i don't know exactly what it was but it was a dream was that not okay did i cross was that was that was that all right too much anyway point is you know i do you know dream to dream we remember these things and these experiences that we have you teach a kid what's it compared to so this is why this type of class is going to be very depressing for many of you and for some of you here's here's what ends up happening a lot of times you have in the room people that already messed up their kids right sorry thank you for coming you maybe want to go to a farc about something else and then you have those that are too young meaning they don't have kids yet and by the time they have kids they forget what i'm talking about right so so what happens is nobody really gains from this but thank you for joining you know i really do appreciate you coming and i will give you at least one piece of information don't put a hot pepper directly in your eye all right i just want to make sure you walk through something practical now let's get back to this and that is you teach your child what's it compared to now if it's compared to d.o ink on a fresh piece of paper that alone won't do anything you can have ink and paper but if it's just sitting there it's nothing until somebody picks up the quill or apparently the parker pen is was mentioned or you pick up you know whatever it is and you actually write something who's writing who's the author if the kid is the blank piece of paper who's writing the kid's life story this is very very scary at least for the parents the kids are like it's not scary why you just wait you'll see why we are the authors we are the authors of our children's lives and the craziest concept is how kids think that they know things from themselves i went to my my son one of my sons was five now and he was tying his shoe i said where did you learn to tie a shoe he goes i just know i said how do you know he goes well when i was in mommy's tummy the malach came oh really what was the male's name gabrielle how do you know how to tie your shoe i just know how do you know isn't it funny parents when your kids say they just know isn't it funny isn't it funny or that you're not thinking that you're also the kid who do you do exactly the same thing you just happen to be a little bit older so you think you just know things where do you think you get your information from where do you think you're messed up you're raised from we're raised from experiences that we have now the parents are authors the friends are authors the teachers are authors and can you believe the schools nowadays you know the skulls can't believe those goals it is true there are there are actually i'm not going back into friday night i'm not going back into friday night i'm just pointing out that that there is truth in things that are set in life sometimes however understand the fact that the parent is the one who does incredible amount of writing now is it an act of thought the answer is sometimes and it certainly should be somebody asked me last night can i write a letter for someone let's see if you're here not being chauvinistic it's a man unless he's on this side and anyway so somebody asked me last night can you write a can you write a letter that can't you know you just come and say can you give me a brochure can you can you give me something i don't know you know they say can you write a letter for someone not here i said sure what do you want me to write they go what you're lost for words i said no i'm not lost for words i'm lost for writing because words we could just throw out to write something you actually are committing something now we're also committing when we say we just don't forget we i just don't think like that perhaps you also have my issue that's where it's easier just to say things just to throw them out could you write that whoa write that do we stop and think that we're writing that we're authors that we're writing something that possibly will affect probably will affect them their entire lives we're writing we're authors so one who says all right so what do you want from me now like i'm a little bit you know my kid is older and what am i supposed to do the answer is there is unfortunately a truth as was mentioned where were you 30 years ago you know there was there is a truth to the fact that we we sometimes write things that we shouldn't write we sometimes write things that we shouldn't write i'll tell you what one of the biggest problems though that i have seen in myself and again i'm going to say in you is that when you write the wrong thing you're not willing to take responsibility that you wrote the wrong thing you say what can i do i already wrote it what do you want me to do you know the kid comes you messed up my life what do you want to do what do i want you to do i want you to they don't know how to verbalize it but i want you to take responsibility and at least validate me that you mess me up it's not me it's your father or your mother it's amazing how we go ahead and we're very quick to like shift it to somebody else it was a story there's a story about a a child that came to their mother father and said daddy where do i come from oh well i'm not feeling so good now maybe we could talk about this never where do i come from well a long long time ago there were monkeys and over time we came about yeah it sounds silly right mommy goes you know a couple hours later mommy where do i come from well do you also not feel well mommy how did you know son well god created man man had a family and then we come from that family the dinner table the daughter says mommy or daddy one of you lied to me so what do you mean honey well daddy said that we come from monkeys and mommy said that we come from from uh from adam and from unite so the mother says okay i was talking about my side of the family daddy i don't okay so we shift the blame into somebody else that would happen so you wrote something wrong number one if you don't have a child yet and if you're not married yet now is the time to start thinking about this concept that we're about to go ahead and write a book a tremendous book we're going to write a whole book and to stop and think for a second what do you want to write where do you want your kid to be what do you want them how do you want them to see life and if you wrote already and you did the wrong thing to be willing to take responsibility for the fact that you wrote the wrong thing i think sometimes parents a little bit too prideful to say like they made any mistake and the negative impact that that plays out through their life and if you as a parent don't know what i mean to your child then just look up at your own parents and at the ways that they did things that they shouldn't perhaps have done i know they said we try the best that we could under the second hand nobody's saying that you didn't find so you tried but were you wrong did you do something that was wrong yes i did the best way to apologize is to apologize and then say bye that's always very meaningful when you totally totally just undo everything you just said not i'm sorry but let me explain i was doing the best i can you could say i messed up i never ever would have wanted this to happen i love you more than anything in the world and i apologize that perhaps i did something in a way that you perceived like that that's the way you perceived it then fine no why would you ruin it take responsibility now what about if you're the one or somebody wrote something that good for you what if you're the one and your parent isn't willing to do such a thing like that they're not willing to do it so what do you do so to quote rabbi dr abraham j twersky had a great line is it true that our parents messed us up in the areas that they messed us up making it easy yes or no gentlemen you guys are good what are you doing here is it true that our parents messed us up the answer is yes but now it's your choice whether you would like to stay messed up how many people live their life at it's it's it's it's just sad to hear a person in their 40s 50s 60s 70s 80s 90s still saying because my mother my father when are you going to grow up a little what does that mean that means to say what happened did happen there's a certain reality but now i'm going to take control of my life okay different talk let's talk about this one now that was your way out parents you could say see i'd be messed up and now you work on it but let's take a look take a step back again what are we writing over here what are we writing what are we doing are we giving over ideals and concepts that they're able to go ahead and grow from now how do you do that so i was talking with a few youngins this this weekend perhaps they may or may not be in the room right now it was uh it was early in the morning on shabbos morning and i challenged them with a question that's a well-known question for those that it is well known to and that question is don't underestimate the power that you have as a parent to understand the fact that we're going to be raising our children when do you begin that process of raising your children and they actually give an amazing answer one that i better than i've ever seen on besides a person who got it right but one of the best answers that i've that i've heard the story is told the way that the story is told over is a guy who brought his kid to his and he said when do i start my child is three years old when do i start kinoch i want to start and what'd he say so there's different versions apparently i heard something on that said you're 20 years too late when when i asked these young ladies who may or may not be in the room they may not be young ladies and i said when do you start they said when the child's born and that was a great answer it really was a great answer it was better than saying six even though that's the discussion in the post game about may start practically in terms of a halachic entity however in terms of a hashgraphic life understanding not a discussion of milk and meat pasta not as disgusting waiting six hours or not not a discussion of kriya shema now this question matilda although maybe that should be done also but that not the discussion about that that that was that's a real deal that's a discussion the macbeth on tlc diamond knows to do for the kid but anyway not going into that but hashgraphically understanding when does that start answer says the gemaran sukkah the well-known story about a young lady who unfortunately left the fold ended up marrying a greek official and speaking negatively about the mizbayach about the where sacrificial offerings were brought and the find her and they find her parents they have a canes she got a fine for speaking like that and her family her family got canas also and the gemura has a few different discussions about it and one of them asks can you find her why are you finding her family one of the answers is anything that a child says oh the av either came from the father or it came from the mother so why are we finding the parents the answer is because the child doesn't say something on their own the child's coming from somewhere coming from either the father coming from the mother now in our day and age unfortunately for some it's now shifted it's omid it's a very sad thing a sad reality and what i'm going to say right now might also be connected to judaism but i would give the same advice to any human giving your phone a child a child you give give them a phone at the age of three and a half with total access to everything you've just given over the pen to the entire world to write whatever they want on your child's brain this is no let me be very clear i'm not this is not a jewish thing i have relatives that are not religious do not let their kids watch television movies they don't nothing with judaism has to do with being a human has to be with growth with being a person who can develop and think and play and learn and grow and then we give them that this opportunity what a beautiful thing we gave them right this device where they could look at things that will destroy them forever and then we wonder what happened to my child one line i think about this like if i could have a huhaya omar you know like you know that chinese guy in piccadas if i can get a who hayao mayor then i would i would love this to be my huio mare he said don't be surprised if your child turns out the way in which you raise them so many phone calls and emails what do i do with my kid they're doing this they're doing that the other let me speak a little more can i get to know you like what's going on what's the story what happen and then it comes out oh shocking it's like it's like the kid who walks into school you know the kid walks into school he's like you know he's like he's like this is how he walks in you know it's like you know he's like yo yo what's up everyone yo yo like doing a thing yeah yeah l.a new york east coast side and then the parent the teacher is like okay can't wait for pta you know cannot wait and the father walks in what up what up you the teacher what up i don't know where your son got it from am i exaggerating no the answer is pick another example of it you know saying what's happening we're just extensions of that concept a parent tells me i don't do with my kid he only goes to schule to the late minion on shabbos late he goes to the late minion late i mean minute starts one in the afternoon and he gets them onto shabbos and he says i'm not late i'm early for naira he goes to la minion late it's it's really late means nine o'clock he walks in 9 45 10 years talks the whole time i know this father i know this father his father also only goes to shul once a week on shabbos he goes to the early minion the early main is eight o'clock because i i don't know what it i i i it's funny you forget your past at least i forget my past and then there it's israel the mignon shabbos the late minion is eight that's a late minion you could always find again a three o'clock minion but what i'm saying standard protocol you go to the shules yes seven o'clock 7 30 8 8 15. they're the early minions 8 o'clock stark and he goes late to the early minion that happens not to talk or whatever i say what do you expect you barely go to minion you don't go the entire week and they live very close to a show you don't go the whole week and then you wonder why your kid doesn't go or they go late where do you think it came from the best is when a parent yells at a child when the child behaves like the parent all the child is doing is mimicking what they learned from you and we can't handle our problems so we have to take it out and crush just like we crushed our own issues inside of ourselves but not willing to work on them let me quickly crush the kid who's reminding me of my issues my friends this is scary yeah oh i like it it's a great beginning oh take it what's the answer no no not what to deal with and i'm asking how do you answer that question good question right question is we did everything perfectly and still so what are you telling me that that's the issue i know a person who once drove drunk and they didn't get into an accident it happened i missed it i'll say it again i know people that were bad parents and the kids made it out amazingly i mean it's just like it's the classic abramovino had a ishmael and yes look at uh asap you're right but but watch i talked to the exceptions you're right so what do you do in that circumstance nothing more than i'm going to that i'm telling you now you already got there give one second so what i'll point the interview is i agree with that and that's the unfortunate but when people ask me questions like this was a very valid question people these type of questions are the exceptions to the rule not the rule in which case it's the exception to the rule if i walk in and start giving class about exceptions everyone will argue with me that's not the general rule so i'll say you're in the wrong class this is the exception room you know what i mean psalm in the general and you're right you are correct there are things like that that happen and there's outside factors that happen and there are teachers and there are friends and there are neighbors and there are people that that happens 100 but one thing one thing to understand is that if we treat our kids in the way which is not right then it's a lot more likely that it's going to go in that direction that's all i'm saying yes but then what closed doors of course we don't no but i okay okay right here okay sounds familiar i think i said a minute ago right yeah i'm asking yes a person do everything wrong and the kid comes out right everything right i'm going to disagree with something forgive me for this or don't i'm okay um i don't believe it's all mazel i believe mazel could be involved i absolutely do not believe it's all mazel a person can mess something up say it again oh shaytan i have no idea what just happened as long as it's only yeah you gotta let go you're not fellas am i right or am i right the shaytan's have muscle you know what i'm saying i'm pointing out yes i don't know i don't know what's going on i don't know i don't know i don't know i know i need a shaytan i get it okay whatever you know oh toupee is a muscle i get i was like i'm not i'm not arguing with the fact that there's muscle involved but i am going to say a person can aim ozil be a soul they could destroy somebody there's a power of such a thing that's all i'm saying we have such a power to do such a thing it's a scary scary concept and therefore we've got to check ourselves before we wreck someone else that's it now this concept of halloween so for those who perhaps don't have children or or older it's not going to feel like you don't apply to you that concept applies to all of us in many different types of circumstances example i have a friend that called me up i was in eric's israel it was 10 30 in the morning i was in rehov yamsuf 10 apartment 14. the year was 2003. i don't know if any of that is true but when you when you say it like that everyone's like oh very fascinating you know but it is true except for the 2003 it may be in 2004. it was 2004. it was 2000 it was 2005. but it was between 2003 and 2006. that i know because i remember the apartment that was it it was 2004. and i get a phone call from a friend of mine anybody here familiar with uh a dunkin donuts on the corner at the end of west broadway that meets up with a rackaway turnpike is that where it is like that little yeah dunkin donuts is it yashan is it not i'm just saying there's a dunkin donuts there 24 hours is it still 24 hours i know when i was a lad it was 24 hours now for those who aren't familiar with what i'm talking about this is a corner of quite quite a busy intersection we're talking about the road that takes you to a little airport called jfk that's that's the beginning to rockaway boulevard i think rocco turnpike right right right terminal there so my friend calls me up and he says to me the following he says is it for me to be in the parking lot of dunkin donuts now it's 10 30 a.m in israel which means it's 3 30 in the morning there's some of you thinking like why would that be huh you mahmeer well for those again i'm familiar and uninitiated there was a an issue of a man and a woman being together in a closed space where no one else is going to be there or even in an open space where no one else is going to be there we're not here ishmael then even here all right that's a gemara by the way the point is is that is that considered a problem so you know you notice when you're on speaker i was like i was just uh plony i feel bad never cause like his mom named him plony but he says i said plony am i in speaker you said why oh never mind would you happen to know someone who's in a scenario like this perhaps now and he said why i said listen i have really bad phone reception [Music] dial up into so you know let's talk later now let let's think for a second just let's talk like halakha for a second i picked a very particular circumstance which actually occurred in a very busy intersection and a place which is open 24 7. at 3 30 in the morning though so is it as busy absolutely not are there people going dunkin donuts sure how many me and i'm in israel so there's no one left now let's say technically it's not a problem let's say technically it's not a problem this guy was on a shidduch date he called it huh this guy's on a shirt date with now his wife they got married thank god everything's great i think you never know but this guy's on a shirt day and i afterwards spoke to him i said let me tell you something even if what you're doing is okay you are writing something because every interaction you have with a person when it's a brand new interaction is a blank sheet of paper and a fresh ink as head and shoulders says you only have one chance to make a first impression and then there's some some i think it's a girl that goes like and the hair is just muzzle everywhere and there's like uh i still have no idea what's going on exactly yeah yeah yeah teddy shoulders you know it's a danger of control and that's the reality of it that's what's happening when you meet someone you're going ahead and you're creating a certain reality you're creating a certain beginning they're going to look at you like that now you ever had somebody you looked at the first impression it wasn't so positive and later it turns out they're actually amazing but you still have a hard time shaking that first impression there are many people that don't like me first impressions it happens and second and third sometimes but it comes down to are we giving over that so that's something we should all be familiar with but in particular when we're dealing if you don't have a kid yet understand something omid the greatest educational experience that anybody has there was a there is a language learning program called rosetta stone it's also a stone called rosetta stone but they mark based off the stone and i have this program in spanish as you could probably have guessed over the weekend and it's brilliant their slogan is learn a language like a baby learn like a baby what does that mean what it means is is that you don't sit with a kid as they're getting older and sit them down and go look and they put in front of them apple a-p-p-l-e apple repeat after me apple what is this apple good did you get it what you do is you just talk and the kid just experiences and then the kid starts to draw parallels and understanding and they go here you go and say here's the bread and you give a tray with bread and milk and they're not clear they don't know if it's the tray that is bread if it's the bread that spread if it's milk that's bread and that's why it's so funny when a child says my kid the other day was complaining he wants a cucumber he's like give him a cute girl because i want a cucumber i'm like here's a cucumber like all right here's the cucumber let's kill grammar i don't know what's going on here i give i want a different cucumber he's like i want a different cucumber and he wouldn't take the cucumber to find him like okay so you show me where the cucumber is so we open up the thing he's young he's 16. he opened up the thing and he said no he was like at the time he was two he's now three i mean how he's grown and he and he opens up and he points at cookies it goes kilcumber i was like they teach you like nutrition in school and they said cuca and you think that's a cucumber like what did you think he must have seen a cucumber next to the cookie and when we said the cucumber he just thought it was a cucumber kids learn just like all of us based off experience and if you want to know what your child's going to look like generally take a look at you well it goes according to the mother's brother if they have hair then then it'll be a good shader if the hair turns this way or if it turns that way in the back it'll be a new baby understand how powerful this is so how are we modeling what what are we modeling remember one time my daughter did something she shouldn't have done it was so bad i don't remember what it was but i yelled at her for what she had done yelled at her then my wife was like i might turn tag let's do it you know she's about to go in and yell at her i said you can't do it she was not fair you had your turn i said next time you get one upsies you know so why can't i yell at her i said cause i already yelled at her she's exhibit but so what i have what to add i want to be emotive i said you can't yell at her why because if you yell at her and i yell at her who yelled at her if you yell at her and i yell at her who yelled at her what's the answer the entire world just yelled at her huh what's a parent to a child the entire world they don't know anything else and i know those who have problems with your parents like not true i will never be like my mother i'll never be like my mother and then you'd be sitting on the street hey you look just like your dad no understand what are you talking about you grow up in a home you're gonna start i love when i find people that say like i'm nothing like my parents and then the parent goes i am nothing like them nothing like nothing like really no similarities at all what do you mean i'm religious they're secular great you picked one thing where you're different the other 99.9 things you're exactly the same of course there's differences we have our own individuality we're all unique just like everyone else understand how powerful that is we are teaching them and we're giving over and we're modeling such a concept so what does that mean that means we have to be real we have to raise them the way we want it to turn out how do you do that by living the way that you'd like and this is where it comes up the classic kids at risk kids at risk you know network that means different things in different stages i don't know what that means i think now it means like off the derrick or something when i was a kid it meant marijuana right now marijuana is like a mitzvah right but but it's like now it's like is coca-cola la muscle going into what that means because people are younger what it used to have in the 1930s in it certain amount of milligrams come to recognize wow we have to live a certain way and be and be real with such an idea these kids at risk i mean kids at risk it's parents at risk and the kids are just perpetuating what their parents are doing you ever meet someone like we said in the beginning of the pta you meet someone and then you meet their parents and you go oh now i get it what's going on similarities what's happening so you have to live up to a certain ideal model a certain idea and don't be surprised if they turn out like you raise them you teach them a certain concept and then they live with that concept just not in the way that you were hoping they were going to but they live with that concept le marshall phone rings hello is your mother home i think she's dead or she wants to kill someone i'm not sure what she's motioning you teach the kid to say you're not home tell them i'm sleeping the person's like could you tell them i hear that they're sleeping and then you wonder why they lie to you and they go i told you to lie only in that area someone here on the shared me a story about about a boy he's not in the room now i know where he is because i went to the other room i saw him he didn't come here but he showed me the following story he said he has a neighbor a non-jewish couple with children and their their child has such such a mouth that stays i don't know how to say it they don't say nice words appropriate words whatever that means to you and so he went to the parents politely and said excuse me if you don't mind me saying like i forgive me but maybe just you know your your child i don't know give me a name [Laughter] your child quiermo you know my little yankala he's hearing him say things that i don't if it's okay like i'm forgive me i'd say uh so the parents like oh my i am we are so sorry only because you said i would if you would have said something like another accent but he said come over here so the boy comes over and he says are you using you know language that you shouldn't use or something he goes yeah but mommy let's say you and daddy speak she was how many times did i tell you when mommy and daddy talk like that close your ears are we different than that in other areas of life are we showing things i remember my son once when he was little he looked up at the moon i said you like the moon he goes yeah i said you want it goes yeah i said just jump then jump son you started jumping i went in the house i came back outside like five minutes later he's out of breath still jumping i said what are you doing he goes to the moon i said oh i was just joking he said why did you lie i said i didn't lie i was just joking what's a joke well it's it's a lie that's okay it's a lie that's okay next day kid comes home from ghan how was gone how was kindergarten good somebody died today and gone what i'm just joking you're not at a joke like that why you're just not allowed to son you're just not allowed to what do you expect we teach our children something and then they live up to it you go and you yell at your kid the whole world yelled at them you lie to your child who just lied to them the whole world i don't understand why my kid has trust issues what do you mean you don't understand why kids trust issues because the world lied to them the world don't be silly oh you're right i'm so sorry that in your head it's silly but in their head it's actually quite real one of my favorites it's not really it's a that was that was not true it's not my favorite it's actually a big pet peeve of mine when parents tell kids to share share chair you know what the kid's hearing give away the thing that you have forever to someone else give to them what belongs to you and they can take it and you don't get it they know that's not what i'm saying no they don't and even if they do and if you have a range rover or a lexus that i could borrow for a couple of days sure you have a house i could take chair classic parent response that's different you are correct i did give different examples but it's exactly the same thing what is it to a kid i was walking by my child they were playing with these little toys now we've moved on pika boxes the other night now it's little people they're playing little people and i knocked over one of the people like you killed him okay okay that's a little extreme over there a little one you know to them that's real asriel's you get a little to break off the arm of that little thing they come crying why is it any different than when you get a dent in your car you have your toys they have their toys your toys are not toys to you and their toys are not toys to them they're real are we getting into their heads and actually understanding what we're doing so let's just put this together without even quick recap i just want to build this understand something hallow me oh my goodness i forgot to mention something how ironic that the author of this mishna is alicia benavuya isn't it ironic don't you think i really do think because what happened to alicia benavuya he became anchor how did that happen the gemara says a series of reasons one of them is discussed like the gemara was discussed on test valve in but the governor says that when alicia benavuyo would stand up from his learning sith raymen would fall off his lap heretical books books of heresy books of anti-religious concepts were on his lap he was singing greek songs and he had thing ideas and you know what happened to him i remember remember when i i don't know if i'm allowed to say this but it turns out maybe it's not so good but anybody know what archie comics are so when i was you know when i was younger we used to go to school and you had like you had your social studies book you know it was a big thick book and archie was like the small guy she just put it right in and then the teacher's like friedman read i'm like veronica no like what page are you on i'm like i think i'm on the wrong page are we still talking about the industrial revolution what's happening i was by yom kippur somewhere and there was a boy who had a a maxer a yom kippur prayer book and in it he had a comic that was taller i said just put down the book and he did he put down the moxer it's like simply mean and from the time that alicia maduro was a young child hello made yelled la mao dome when he was a young child he learned heretical ideas ideas that were the antithesis that's fancy for the opposite yeah there you go you're welcome you know people get up here ladies and gentlemen phenomenologically speaking i don't want to sound ephemeral but uh i believe it's extraneous in this life we talk normal you know my brother and i my brother and i are two years apart one year 364 days apart i'm june 6th don't forget he's june 7th he's two years old one year 364 years he's older than him he calls me his second birthday present he's been trying to return the whole life amazon wasn't working it's the whole thing we were never in school together but we ended up for a very small time in basement talmud if you know what that is that's all i'm going to say we ended up in our base measures together first time we're ever together because two years younger you know we're at high elementary school different classes high school we were in different high schools then finally we ended up in this basement together and we were once standing by the bema and we were fighting like brothers do but this time it was the disclosure you know we were pulling out double thumbs like you ain't ever seen you know i'm saying we were going like we'll come with that we were pulling out did a few of those one of that but we're fighting it so the masjid comes over whoa what are you guys fighting over we're learning a suggest shabbos we're learning some some gemara and i said what my part is and he goes my brother said his part and then the rabbi smiled and said you're saying the same thing you just church my brother you sound brilliant to means you sound less brilliant you know that's it you know that's it i use a lot of pronouns you know i don't mean i actually use pronouns i might say i can't say anything anymore i was using anyway my point is what was but where was i bring me back guillermo where did ankar he fell off his lap from the time he was a child and it says that low maid yellen he's the one who says you teach a child what to compare to like fresh ink on a blank piece of paper so on his blank piece of paper he had written over there heretical ideas can you grow and become great he became a tana he raised to the highest of heights but it all came tumbling down come on is that possible the answer is yes to the point where he was on the top of the top and then he fell all the way down because in his roots with these concepts and these ideas which is why if you don't have a child yet this is we have to take it extremely seriously what are we going to say to our child how are we going to live our lives what are we going to model and if we've already made certain mistakes i'll start with my wife she's not here okay and if we've already like myself i've made certain mistakes to have the courage to be able to speak that out and help them work on that foundation that it shouldn't calilla one day all of a sudden everything seemed fine and all of a sudden another extreme things happened different discussion but even when there weren't extreme things happen all of a sudden they took a turn maybe because there was something in the foundation that wasn't necessarily as strong as it should have been so my friends let's put it all together like that which says right in the beginning he says let me remote dumb as somebody goes into the face it's like running in the freshmen of the paper or somebody goes a little older what happens the kids remember darn it and think is there nothing else in their brain yeah and of course i can remember it what are you supposed to happen you go out in my school because only the ability and i know the father came to the mother what up what up if you wonder where it came from it's just mimicking there's pentagon going on and on and on exactly what they learned they're just presenting and going a little bit further come to regulate this idea it's only the app only the cell phone or with the iphone we're giving over our kids these controls to be able to go ahead and see anything though in the world that we wonder don't who are y'all mayor don't be surprised if your children turn out in the way which you raise them there's exceptions don't understand there's muzzle don't understand the fact of purplus right or head and shoulders whatever it may be understand my friend the fact this is so powerful we're the authors we are the authors and what are we writing and if we wrote something wasn't okay so sometimes you gotta fix that we have to be willing to fix it but i did the best i can monkey don't understand take responsibility for what's going on over there and be able it's true that maybe our parents are celebrating i just know it says yeah what happened parents do maybe they messed up it's our choice they said we want to stay messed up or not live up to that concert why'd you lie to me honesty what does it mean honestly i'll be there in five minutes i'll be there in five minutes anyone ever said that i'll be there in five minutes were you there in five minutes i never promised my children ever anything i never ever use the word promise you could ask my kids i could you promise i said no i don't use that word because when a person uses the word promise that means you are now saying that if you don't say promise that you're not telling anything i don't know i promise oh so you mean if you said it without a promise that you're lying to me do your words mean something you say you're going to do something do you do it with my child and i learned this the hard way when they when they when they ask can you do something they say yeah i'll do tomorrow that's a mistake i say i'm going to do it hopefully sometime in the future the azer hashem if it works out maybe lean out there my child said they wanted a certain a cereal called karyote karaoke for those who are familiar is a very nutritionist pillow of chocolate and nugget that's literally it's so good so it must be healthy so so my child says they want i said okay i'll get it for you i'll get it for you you'll have it for breakfast tomorrow that's how i learned the hard way i get into bed i lie down and then i remember what i remember my roof every man's nightmare okay then i remembered oh no i said i was gonna get karaoke okay i'll just get it mmm i told him i'm gonna get they're gonna have it for the morning i'm so tired i'll just put chocolate on cornflakes throw some french fries in i'll say it's a new it's a new thing frozen french fries i got out of bed and i went to three different places all closed then i went to rehabilia as a 24-hour place all good or all four or four good all right all for all for one one for all there were three guys outside with swords i don't know exactly and uh and i got the carryout the next morning they wake up they're like carry out you wake up carry out how do kids remember everything that's the only thing on their brain they went to sleep on a karit and they wake up with carry out that's what happened and i said yes and i gave them corn flakes i put chocolate all over it and i threw in some french fries they said what's that i'm like it's a new flavor like no it isn't like fine here but i went and i got it i went on and i got it because i'm incredible but enough about me ladies and gentlemen enough about me just an anecdote to understand are we being honest don't say something unless you're actually going to do it in other words never commit to anything don't tell my wife i'm scared of commitment understand this concept be real with it and base hashem if we do that and now let's get into yes his muzzle involved is muzzle involved and yes like like the brisket of says what are you going to do you got darvin like crazy but don't just daven we got to do something in the classic of knock i remember sitting in the basement of noah weinberg he always get up on thursdays to give a schmooze and he said he always get up and say first line he'd be like so did you do the puncher did you look at the puncher there was always that sucker yes rabbi i did then it's like spot like like right on that guy so how do you explain this he's like rabbi i didn't see that verse hashem and moshe albania are having a conversation they get to yamsuf they get to the arms of they're about to look behind them the material are coming the yam soft the sea is there and they're like oh no what do we do [Music] with please open the sea right just do something please we're gonna die before we know we'll fry help us what do you say those are copyrighted so anything he goes and says hashem what do we do what are you talking to me for go hold a dog hold up dog are we supposed to dive answer is yes we're supposed to davin and we're also supposed to do which means don't play this game shem yazda it's minnesota we get so religious when we mess up we do something wrong and we say hodor it's hashem stop blaming hashem for your silly choices classic what a bad things happen to good people oh my foot's killing me you tied your shoe too tight yeah but why would god i don't have bakira yeah you made a bad choice a lot about things happen to good people they don't you're bad it's me okay there's more to talk about i didn't tour any time in other class but but my point is at the end of the day it's not davin daven but we also have to work on ourselves we have to grow from these experiences be willing to go through pain in order for our children to really actually succeed not passionate at all not simple at all but beiji hashem if you make the right choices and we're willing to at least try to do something proper and these hashem we're going to be wildly successful i have to just even though they're not here uh uh yeah chicago can say thank you this is my finale right now i'm bouncing like knowing business uh go but i want to thank obviously project inspire for making this happen and they're not here but most importantly as i've said in the past i have to thank every one of you for coming because if you were not here right now this would have been very awkward have a great day bye [Applause]