Project Inspire Convention 2022 Late Night with Rabbi Yitzchak Feldheim Q&A

so uh we're on you hear me it's clear let me take my watch off i don't want this watch on video so to watch let's go brandon says okay i took my kids winter break instead of going to miami i took them to a trump rally in texas it was a lot of fun okay that doesn't need to be on tour anytime okay ready okay so who's kicking it off i should repeat the question after they ask it okay if i you might have to tell me most people have to tell me things like four times so okay so uh to college sure i'm like i i don't have my hometown stable so most people how can i practically take care of them oh yeah so you're asking you're asking how you don't go to college you're not in any way like i'm not going to college campuses you like to teach to to get not you're not a professional macarena so what what can you do for the cause how can you do care are you exp first you have to be exposed to fry people somewhere are you okay good i mean no choice you could do care for anybody so that's not to be fried but so what's what's uh you know i i would think you're in in a way you're in a more ideal situation even like you know there's a certain kind of like power imbalance we have a professional in the car people's guards come up someone's talking to them they're a rabbi nobody wants to be brainwashed nobody wants you're just a regular person so you're not you like you ha you have an opening and an opportunity to make a kid in hashem that uh you know without any barriers people are not putting up their their instinctive barriers you know i think people don't i think sort of we made like kira like like what is kirif what do we got if we we realize that the most powerful what what i want to use this to be i don't know if it's the right i could do this anyway i don't know if it's good to like go into a whole tirade from this question but uh you know i think let me say it now let me just go just use this uh as an opportunity the way we normally think about yiddishkait because we learn about it as kids is that there's the normal way people look at the world people want to be happy and people want to figure out a life that gives them joy and meat and excitement and and we go people go secular people jews non-jews everyone goes through the world we learn science we learn about the world and we figure out what we think is the best most productive happy satisfying way to live and then religion comes and says i know you think you figured everything out but and you did this and it might make sense what you determined makes sense you should live like that because it seems to be the happiest most pleasurable way to live but that's only for this world if you realize it's in another world where you go for you know forever and that will as whole different rules and just because something works for you here doesn't mean it's the same thing over there is a different set of rules and therefore even though this makes you happy here you should do something different because difference will give you oil harbor we think that's what we think we think yiddish kite is saying that you want to live one way but it's wrong because it's another world with different you know the famous story we all heard a hundred times i know they still tell it when i was in paraguay this was like every percolated story was the story with the chicken fat yeah right that's to what what yiddish kite was to me it was is that there's an island we hear about an island full of diamonds and we go to the island the guy goes on he's gonna bring back diamonds when he gets there he gathers diamonds and he has like pockets full of diamonds then he goes to the store to buy something he goes you can't pay with diamonds everyone has diamonds here we use chickens at so the guy goes he works really hard he opens businesses and he makes a lot of chicken fat then he's ready to go home to his family from that he went to this island he's going home he fills his ships with chickens at and he shows up at home with chicken fat and you know he's supposed to bring home diamonds that's the muscle we heard and therefore we go you go to life of this is a world full of diamonds and it's us unfortunately in this world people don't like mitzvos it's so that that's not what they're entering into chicken fat and then we go to go to omaha with our ships full of chicken fat and we should have been collecting diamonds right that everyone heard the story 100 times so what is that let's trans that story that story says that what's valuable in this world is not what's valuable there instead of having fun and pleasure is chicken fat islam almost diamonds and you're collecting i think that's the biggest mistake in the world this attitude so who how do you so if we if we think that that's kira said you have a really hard job if that's the story that story is true so how do i convince how do i do kira i have to go through life convince people that what you're enjoying is is chicken fat what you're enjoying is not real and you should be doing something different i know it tastes good i know it's fun i know it's enjoyable but that's not what works well maba everything he sees and everything he knows sounds like this is fun so i'm convincing you to give up what makes sense to you and to go do something different and maybe if you're really convincing you can do that but that's not the goal right what is what is what is the uniskite you're just kind of saying that all we want is for you to live the best way possible our program isn't don't do what makes you happy let me you know let me everything i said till now is a long spiel i should have said it in one sentence we think the mach like us the debate in life is the secular world wants to be happy and we want to be holy that's a very good catchphrase and the majorica says holy or happy and they're saying i want to be happy we say no no don't be happy be holy holy is better than happy why because holy is forever happiness is for 70 80 years that's a very neat way to understand the debate and it's a huge mistake we both want to be happy i'm not telling someone to be ho to be to be holy i'm telling or i am but i'm not telling you not to be happy we the majoricus is what makes you happy you want to be happy and i say be happy and what i'm telling you is what you're doing is not going to make you happy and that's our debate and that you don't have to be a really profes you have to be a professional you don't be a rocket scientist because everyone knows what happiness is so they can test what you're saying to them if i'm telling you something that my answer is well you when you die you'll know then there's no way to prove it if i tell you this is what makes you happy everyone can test it as soon as you say it they'll go wow you're right you and okay do you need muscle for this like how to show like practically what that means i i'll tell you to go to when i said in an earlier share so this is my first line any college campus i go to is this this is how i illustrate what i'm saying so if you were in my share this afternoon you heard it already but it's worth hearing twice i go to college campus and i say you you think i'm here as the rabbi my job you know i'm here i'm here to stop to tell you to stop going to clubs that's why here don't go to clubs and i'll be honest with you that's why i'm here i'm not going to do a bait and switch i'm not going to tell you uh right here he was here today he's sharing it a review i'm repeating something from today [Music] that i i tell the students you think i'm here to tell you don't go to clubs don't don't party so much and i'm telling you you're right that's why i'm here but you don't understand why i'm telling you this you think the rabbi is coming to tell you don't go to clubs you know why it's too much kashmir it's too much pleasure you're supposed to be holy you want ruknias you want to go to muhammad al mahaza you want to deal with your soul not your body you want to be deeper you don't want to be so shallow it's too much partying too much lightness you want to be serious mature as a fisket we have all this music but bottom line you think i'm telling you that partying and a fun is bad holiness is something more sedate and tame and that's the biggest lie in the world do you know why i'm telling you don't go to clubs why do we tell college students don't go to clubs you know what the real answer is because the terror wants nothing more than you to be happy the entire goal of debri is for you to be happy but nobody ever went to a club to be happy the only reason people go to clubs is because every year the clubs get darker and louder that's why you go to clubs a club is a place to hide from your true dreams who you really wanted to be when you were 10 years old and you were dreaming of a lie for yourself and what would give you joy it wasn't the club it was real things and what i'm telling you don't go to club i'm telling you be happy you're 18 years old you're going to give all your dreams you know how hard it is people try people try for 80 years to live in a place that's dark and loud and you can do that it's hard work because every bar closes and every car every the music always stops in the club but you can leave the club and put your headphones on and then you can go home and play your music until you're sleeping you wake up in the morning and you can push press the snooze button 15 times until you're late then you can play the whole day be playing catch up if you're late lateness is a secret of life because if you're late then you're running and you're catching up so you don't have to think and you can run the whole day always a little late till you're so tired and you go to sleep and do it again tomorrow i see the college students in college not giving a share the last period of the day they're all texting the whole period because they have to have the rest of their day planned as soon as school ends because if there's silence you know what happens in silence their truth exists so you can't have silence as soon as the day is almost over you got to start making sure all your ducks in a row because you have to be running as soon as school ends and then you have to go somewhere dark and loud until you're so tired you can go to bed and fall asleep because the enemy of a person who gave up their dreams is silence in silence you hear your truths and this is what everybody has to do the goal is to be happy you're asking is a family life happier than oh he's asking well i'll answer you i didn't answer her question yet you're saying the alternative between the club is having a family life let me we're skipping let me segue into your question you're asking let me just say he wants me to repeat all the questions so your question is is the family life really isn't the goal that we're talking about theoretically okay so you want to know how torah fits in with my that's not this happy maybe it is so i'll explain it your question is is i just made a whole story that our goal is happiness so you're asking me a question so then therefore why does judaism say x x and x which is which is what you're supposed to ask basically the follow-up of my speech is because i just made i'm just making an argument this is what judaism is what i was saying is when you understand judaism as happiness so i said these following words that now it becomes testable people can test duties because they can see if it makes them happy right it's not about convincing them if i say do this because it makes you happy you can say wow it doesn't make me happy it doesn't make me so this this speech legitimizes your own observations and your thoughts i'm allowing you to be the judge so they're not doing what they're doing is having a family life having a beautiful skill it's not what's necessarily the ideal of being said if you would show that to somebody if they would go into this house they're not walking out okay so i got i got the question let me take me a few moments to answer but i want to first finish i'm telling her the question you're answering is once i tell you that you can be the judge about what makes you happy that that's legitimate so then okay so then show me why yeah if you tell me that shabbos is mirrors and singing and going for walks that i could get but you're telling me it's sitting learning to base marriage how is that a happiness so you want to know so i'm going to show you that i will go the next let me first finish this what the whole reason i went into this little rant over here is i want to set it up that when you understand that when we say yiddish kite again kiriv is selling yiddish kite so if the cellular defense guide if yiddish kite is nothing more than the guidebook to happiness then we have to rethink kirif see if kirif is convincing you about ulam haba and giving up happiness then kiriv is telling people to give up happiness and that's a difference then you just have to be like really good salesman but if guineshkai is happiness so then you're selling people how to be happy that's a whole different kind of kirov so what's the answer then your question was is i'm not a professional how do i do kirith so if yinushkai is being happy so how do you make people be happy what's your role in that what they being happy kirif is living the dream that they had when they were 10. you walking around living what what they wrote in their diary when they were eight and and they what they do they're in college they're already sophomores in college they burned their diary when they were freshmen they probably burned it already in high school because that's what you have to do to a diary when you're not living your dreams because diet what are diaries are a threat you know what diary says a diary is what what does a person do when they give up their dreams i had dreams i don't believe it's gonna happen what's the first thing i have to do after what you have to silence your dreams because you know the definition of emotional pain you know definition of emotional pain is definition of emotional pain is having a life that's not in sync with my dreams having dreams my dreams are here the gap between your dreams and your limitations is the definition of emotional pain so let's transit to my language now okay because that you can hear that question you asked in the old-fashioned way is that i have a job to be a salesman but if your job in life is to be happy your entire if you have to be happy because that's why i shouldn't put you here if you're not happy it means that you're not living okay so so that's that that's that's a good question so what happens when so without oh i have to defeat the question okay so what happens if you're having one of those days so you're you're not happy right you can't always be happy life is ups and downs even if you're living a dream there are the moments where you're pursuing it right i want to climb a mountain so you're not automatically on top of the mountain you got to climb the mountain so what about then so what's the answer the answer is is that two things a person who is going through climbing a mountain and they're doing it for their dreams it's a different kind of experience when i'm not in my dream it's not a suffering right the person who's living in me the person who's not pursuing their dreams who's not living what they wanted to live so when their their life without dreams is a certain kind of like difficult existence it's just charging along the other person was climbing a mountain even when you're not in the moment of simha you're on a mission it's a different car right people understand like the person who has fire in their eyes they have a plan so you're if you're being real and you believe in what you wanted to be and you're pursuing it so sometimes you're showing people how happy you could be and sometimes you're showing people how you can have your eye on the ball how you can have a mission how you can be determined they're all modeling determination is just as much i could even argue that it's a more powerful vision than smiling is that determined look because if i want someone to live their dreams what's the greatest thing i can show them it's cool to show them smile show you how smiling you are because then they'll go out it's possible it goes a smile but that's not really what they need because they know how beautiful their dreams are what do they need they need to know that they have what it takes to make it there so how do you model that that's a look of determination in a way a determined look whether the term a determined look is is is probably the most important you give the world you know what let me i'll i'll say is that clear the way that's what i just said look i say a little better is it i think because i think it's really important if it's not clear [Music] good cause something's still good i'm explaining so i'm just saying here is let's ask the question i get i just like i'm moving around and i'm not i want to feel like i'm saying everything right if you i use the muscle of burning a diary so why would someone i have two choices i can live the dreams of my diary i could burn my diary why would someone choose to burn their diary another person to keep on moving forward i'm going to live that dream what's the difference in those two people what why can't why could one face it and one not face it okay when laziness places she says lazy ladies is a good answer is that the right answer is that the whole answer it is laziness so my question then would be is how come some people are lazy another one's not how come today i'm lazy tomorrow night what is laziness what okay why do we give up why why is everyone totally lazy there's a hundred dollars on the floor everyone will bend down and pick it up as i move the hundred dollars further from you more and more people will bail out if i tell you you have to mow my lawn get a hundred dollars maybe you'll do that so you have to go to college and get a degree more people bail out as i create more and more hurdles in between your dream more and more people will bail out so the reason we become lazy the reason why we don't pursue what we want is because we don't believe we have what it takes to get there laziness is nothing more than the result of the fear of failure you have a test in your mind it's a big statement but i think if you think about it for a second you'll maybe agree with me laziness is what i feel laziness is an equation why should i climb the mountain i'm never gonna make it to the top i'm gonna freeze to death i'm gonna break my neck so i'll never get there why should i start the person who believes they'll make it will do it everybody who wants to live their dreams so the reason we give up our dreams because we don't believe we can make it so therefore if who is the most powerful voice in the world the voice who says you can make it the person who says you can do it and who's doing that the person who's also not there but is climbing so maybe more important better to do care of i started off saying this speech to answer your questions how do you do kirov walk around smiling and now what am i saying no better than smiling how do you do a kirov walk around climbing walk around investing that means you're in school study a lot of people don't study no they do this again guys like this a lot of people maybe some girls also it's like i don't want to study fully for the test because then if i fail it's a total indictment of me it means i put my cookies and i failed so it's better that i don't totally study i'm more likely failed but at least that's what i feel like i said can you really try so we sabotage our lives because we're protecting ourselves right that's what we do people don't invest we don't invest so if we call it you can't fire me i quit that's what we call you can't find liquid if i don't comply this to school the school they can't reject me right if i don't look i don't go say yes to the look i can't get a no if i don't apply for this job i can't get fired if i don't take the test i can't fail so we bail out of life one opportunity at a time because we don't want to get hurt and that's and and that's the reality of life so therefore who is the most if the purpose of life is for people to live their dreams to be happy so who's the most important person in the world the person who's investing the person who jumps the person who says i'm going to give it my all and everyone that's called kirif it's much more real hakadosh who created the world this is the gun we live in ganedan right america is not a gun earth isn't a gun it's a gun and we're adam and java and all the bonus wants is for us to dance in his gun beer foot and have beautiful meals with kids and i always say kids in matching clothing singing's mirrors going for walks this is what a marshall wanted beer footing is gone smelling flowers everything in slow motion yeah okay all right this is the purpose of the brio and instead what's going on what happened to we we're all repeating the story again like adam and java we all we all are hiding in the bushes with a beautiful gun and a beautiful gun we found some bushes and we're all curled up in the bushes your bushes is not his bushes and his everyone has we're all of different bushes but we're all in the bushes so the purpose of kala tarakula is how they get all the manhava out of the bushes back in the garden and therefore who is the most important person in the world what is kirov who is helping people get close to hashem anyone who's showing people how to come out of the bushes so when we say we're the chosen people what does that mean we know what it what's the role of claudiuso chosen for what chosen to do to lead the world a nation of priests what does it mean nation of priests a nation whose job is to get people out of the bushes hashem wants adam dancing in the gun he created claudius as his dance instructors we're the ones helping people dance we're going in the bushes saying no come come come dance how do we do that what is the skill of claudia so no one has experienced more trauma than claudius's role no one has been beaten harder than claudia's role no one has more reason to give up than clagistrol and no one tries harder than claudius earl and no one is more in than high as well no one is biting off more than they can true than clay israel the existence of a jew says you think you have a reason to give up look at us and our existence so if you want to do kirov your role is to walk around with fire in your eyes not terrified fires so suddenly he's not terrified confident it's all going to be good and people will look at you you know the secret of being a captain of a plane or a pirate a pilot of a pilot plane or captain of a ship in a storm right is he is right if you if you're on a plane this turbulence and the pilot comes on and he sounds like a nervous wreck it's not going to work right the pilot has to has to be confident steady that's your job the world is the world there's a lot of turbulence and we want everyone to be all in we don't want everybody terrified we know everybody giving up you have to walk around with confidence and this is a rule not just for yiddish because yiddish kind is the same as parenting it's the same as everything you're a teacher you're a parent the goal of life is all the same it's such a simple thing and you don't need to there's no i have to change the whole view of the world to understand this here takes one minute you don't do anything you walk your job is to make people live once this is all clear then we come to this question that's very nice if i'm talking about walking dancing barefoot in the gun but the terrorist says a lot more than dancing beer foot in the gun right that's a fair question how did you get from beer foot if how do you get beer foot in the beer foot in the gun to sitting in the basement uh baseball is on where's the joy right sleep on the floor eat simple that doesn't sound like joy right so that's if you want to go there it's a question answers i can't decide that's your next the first thing is good that was a long answer but is it clear because yeah this i think this means this needs if i was designing project inspire there'd be not one other topic on the schedule in this topic i called this mahala i call it religion it's not religion it's real it's an real legend it's just real everything makes sense you don't need to have blind faith in anything we are all experts in joy we know what makes us happy you know what makes us happy the thing we're all hiding from yeah the person was asking about the things that are not happy right so i'm not going to have to work imagine someone who rises in the right but the day that they're riding their bike they go uphill downhill so they're but they're going uphill it's struggling they know they're struggling very hard beautiful it's a very good muscle i hope it's on the recording let me repeat it we're on video after peter for the video because i don't know if it hears you his muscle is he's saying the muscle perfect muscle a bike rider is classic right uphill yeah of course we get the top you get to see the breeze feel the breeze in your face no pedaling that's what we do it for no one rides bikes for the uphill you do it for the downhill so to watch someone going downhill you're doing care of you say how smack life is but it's much more powerful to watch someone going uphill investing and going uphill and you see someone doing that because we all know that that that's that's what he's he's giving a good muscle but i'm telling you the better kira is the person in process i started off saying this smile is the best gear of better smile is the truth what did i say with the truth yeah it's a different part that's a different that's that's very nice that's good that's good okay let me deal with his q can deal with his anyone want that question answered like what yeah so so let me say this so this is this is uh it's like i have i did this i think the first project inspired this was the share i gave it at the convention it was um i'll show it to you how i see you want to mix a little terror or it's like a little textual lake like we're in seminary okay um here's what the paw pulsar says in ganeshan this is a very nice speech i'm giving you oh imagine the yiddish kite the whole thing is being the simcha the whole so it's and it's it's a good key of talk right we're not about suffering we're about living this guy's about being happy it's a nice pitch the problem is if someone's inspired my josh they go you know what i want to learn homies it's exciting what's the first thing they see when they open the hamish here's the story but i felt they said there's a god this was a dance in the garden let me see where does hashem say dance in the gum okay you open it up oh there is a gun look there's a gun and the gun has a beautiful tree in the middle and here's how terror describes the tree and the tree was the tree was good to eat it's desirable to the eyes laharskill it's appealing to the intellect so the tree is delicious beautiful and deep what does that mean that's interesting tree that means the tree is physically appealing it's emotionally appealing and it's intellectually appealing it's all pleasure there's three types of pleasure this physical pleasure emotional pleasure and intellectual pleasure and the tree is all of them good to eat physical pleasure traveling i am depth beauty art deep it's like very emotional scholars enlightenment it's intellectually appealing so it's exactly like i said hashem created a god a magnificent gun and then you're waiting for the magic words hashem what should hashem say now what should the next word be is it gone says i'm gonna count to three and jump in the pool what does he say though when you read it that tree no no no i'm sorry that's not for you so it's a whole lot you know i'm telling you the whole shears this kirin schmooze works until you open the hambush that's yukasha right so what's the turrets [Music] i'm going to say it's slow and i want you to come because the turret has torrential has this shield already twice for me once went to project this fire this this part of the share okay but there's other stuff that's that's that was newer um but i'm gonna say it's slow if you get it don't say it because i don't want to ruin it i want everyone to get it together this is not a share this is like a workshop so it's like a the tree was good to eat beautiful to look at and deep to think about and hashem said don't eat from it the tree was good to eat beautiful to look at and deep to think about it and she took from the tree and she ate it does anyone cop the the dick is the dear care i'm going to give you my muscle this is my muscle that helps everybody get it okay everyone i said muscle my muscle is i made up a rule i have a rule it's it's rabbi feldham's rule of smorgasbords okay what's my rule everybody who went to a good smoking sport has to know so the girls have no idea what i'm talking about all the guys will know it as soon as i say it what's the rule vegeta don't eat the rice you understand my rule what's the rule the rule is you go to a smorgasbord there's there's all these dishes stomachs are small they have limited real estate why would you put rice where you can put another spare rib it is a poor allocation of stomach real estate right the girls aren't even putting rice there they're going for orzo not even orzo they're goon quinoa that's the only thing worse than rice don't eat the quinoa why would you take it's like you know it's like buying property in manhattan and building a one-story building the whole point you have to build as much as you can you have skyrides you can build 100 stories why don't you build one story to put rice where you can put a spirit is a very it's it's a poor allocation of real of of resources okay you understand my rule so let's say we go to a simra a beautiful wedding and we're sitting there i'm sitting with my boys we eating the pastrami because we got from the carving station and we're all sitting on the side we're sorry and we see this one guy by the rice like this shoveling rice into his plate so we look at the guy that goes what's with the guy with the rice so all good like psychoanalyzing rice what are the possible things we'll say if you heard me say this don't ruin it for everybody what are the possible execs why would someone be by a wedding sitting there by the rice like this there's spare ribs and pastrami carving stations and so the first most likely answer is he's probably from baltimore he's been he's been to a number of new york weddings he learned already when he tries to go to the pastrami some real some nursing home guy is just gonna cut the line step on his shoes stain his tie every time he's getting close three new loud guys lawyers sneak in there and he never gets closer half an hour it's always like third in line he learns already he can't he's not aggressive it's new york they're crazy he goes to the rice at least eat some rice and he keeps his eye on the pastrami if it ever clears out he'll try again but he can't fight the new yorkers they're aggressive they're crazy his tie was it's a real sook tie it's from china and uh and he doesn't want to ruin his tie last time he ruined his tie you know and he they don't sell ties and flowers he has to go back to baru epoch the vinyl tie it's very rare right so what's another explanation another explanation is is is that his his wife is saying you dear like another explanation is his cardiologist is online right by the pastrami he's waiting for him to finish there are a lot of possible explanations why a person is by the rice but you know what no one's gonna ever say no one will ever say you know why he's doing this he's passionate about taipa the guy is a hedonist he's a party animal he's crazy why would no one say that explanation it makes no sense the hedonist the baltimore is by the pastrami the guy by the rice is is not competitive he's not fighting right he's not there's always one vegetarian goes i like rice it's a mushroom it's all a metaphor don't get hung up on my metaphor okay okay it's a metaphor so the guy is the guy is eating the rice so no one's going to say the reason why he's bitterness is about time because it's exactly the opposite the baltimore's by the pastrami the baltimore's by the spirits he's not willing to compete so when i say my rule don't eat the rice what kind of law is that a lysa say or an assay is that a restriction law is that one more we'll go oh rabbi fella makes one rule already it's restricting us it's not a restriction what is it so what am i saying i'm really saying live large it's a it's a way to say no live don't curl up in the bowl when i say don't eat rice i'm saying live large don't settle for cottonwoods does that make sense so let's go back to the garden now let's look at that that was a muscle here's the nimsol describes the gun the ground is what beautiful delicious to eat beautiful to look at deep to think about it sounds like a pleasure schmorg describing the gun which i said is the universe and the universe has different kinds of pleasures what kind of dishes at the schmorg delicious beautiful deep the world has physical pleasures emotional pleasures intellectual pleasures what did hashem say it's good to eat beautiful to look at deep to think about what did he say don't eat what didn't he say don't he describes reading it says it's good to look at good to eat he only said don't eat he didn't say don't look at it and he didn't say don't think about it when i described three things clearly and i only forbid one i'm not saying it's forbidden what is he saying hashem the command of ghane is don't eat the rice i created a world of crazy pleasures don't get hung up on akilo and eating every animal can eat a human being has depth you can you have beauty you can go to art museums you can you can you can you can blow your mind you so much depth and better than museums you can go to a library you can go to a college you can open a book and you can understand the universe why would you get stuck on pastrami what what rises to pastrami is what pastrami is the beauty and what beauty is the pastrami what is wisdom is to beauty the world is an array of ever increasing pleasures the only law hashem gave in the world is not a restriction this one law hashem gave mankind is don't cop out don't go for the low-hanging fruit dream big live big it's a totally different story then but i didn't make this up that's what the posix says everyone who ever thought granada was a restriction never opened the book and read the words if you read the words it's not a restriction because it says three things and it only forbids the cheapest lowest one of shouldn't fulfill your them but you should think about it what's the point of that no that it's not not fulfilling typo it's it's desirable as a means of enlightenment so get enlightenment look at beauty it you get it you don't eat you don't eat wisdom you think wisdom there's no restriction on wisdom there's no restriction on beauty and the truth is there's no restriction on akhila because if they would have eaten from the sakayam they're not shabbos they would have been allowed to eat from us so what does that mean in my muscle that that the forbiddenness of eating was only temporary until they did the other side which means what in the real world in the in in the smokers board thing is which once you take pastrami now you can go get rice because rice is good with gravy you could have the rice afterwards the point is don't stop by rice there's nothing wrong with achilla there's always getting stuck by akhila people who spend their whole life eating but if you're going to go to the museum and then you're going to go to study and get a degree and understand physics then you know how to eat there's nothing wrong with eating what is the why was is the is the metaphor that eating is bad because it's low hanging fruit once you've taken the high fruit you could have low hanging fruit too it's just don't settle for that the law of ganesha is don't settle so let me show you the steps i don't know if i ever did this on the earlier terrain time was i'll do the whole maybe i did that i'll do the whole step by step let's take my muscle of the smoker's board and make it real life in my muscle who's the worst guy rice guy quinoa guy okay kenya doesn't exist quinoa girl okay quinoa girl is is the lowest one in my smorg but you realize that the kit well let's do kinema guy kinwa guy science fiction movie we're making here okay his quinoa guy is the worst guy in this work but you know what kenmore guy has three roommates and he's the holiest of all them because they all got invited to the wedding the roommate said oh my god i gotta go to a wedding now i'm not gonna find parking i have my food to the cleaners you go you bring us back food so now the guy eating rice in his world he's the hero because the other guys copped out and stayed home so he's the one living the most now his three roommates who stayed home they're the cop-outs but of those roommates one of the roommates is playing xbox and he's playing and the other way goes oh you're playing xbox it's so competitive they're trash talking you can lose they make fun of you in the game why you just watch a movie games are too competitive so now the xbox guy who was the failure compared to the wedding guy because because the family compared because he ate rice now the xbox guy's the hero compared to the guys that's watching a movie and the other guy goes oh my god you're watching a movie it's an hour and a half how do you follow something for so long like just watch tick tock for two minutes it will throw two seconds on how long they are right so now the guy who sits for an hour and a half movie he's the new hero because it's it's relative they're concentric circles of living in my new world the lowest person is tick-tock person then he grows and he says you know what i'm gonna watch a whole movie he became holy and then he grows more and he goes movies i'm gonna play xbox and then he grows more and he goes i'm gonna get have my suit pressed and go to the wedding i'll eat the rice but then he goes then he goes forget the rice i'm gonna have sesame chicken then he goes sesame chicken i'm gonna go let me go this this there's some uh you know there's pepper steak and then he goes pepper steak let me go to the pastrami carving station so now in my my muscle and my metaphor the holiest guy is pastrami guy okay but you realize that pastrami guy also has three roommates and they're going why you buy the pastrami remember we're going to the gym don't you want a six-pack what are you eating pastrami for i know it's good but you're copping out let's go to the gym so his roommates all go to the gym and now pastrami guy is the cop out now they all go to the other roommates go to the gym they're the heroes it was relative to them he's the he's the cop now and then the gym guys go what are you going to gym for what are you like uh uh you're you're a horse you need muscles go to the library go to go to a museum and watch some there's a rembrandt exhibit in in the museum go look at something deep go go go go go get your emotions going read some poetry uh the gym get a brain six-pack so now the gym guy is the failure and then the guys in the art museum goes okay art very pretty go go go to college and take physics understand the whole universe grasp reality understand everything works macro universes micro universe unified field theory figure stuff out just see the world burns eye view so now he's the hero and lower than him his museum guy and lower than him is his gym guy and low in him is pastrami guys like the lowest guy in the the world is what's the highest what is the highest pleasure in the world so i think the highest pleasure is let's go through my let's build it all up lowest guy was who tick-tock next after tick-tock came movie after movie came xbox after xbox came rice guy after rice guy was chicken guy after chicken guy was pepper steak pepper steak went to pastrami pastrami went to the gym the gym went to the museum the museum went to college and then we come and say okay it's very nice you're studying physics adorable you understand space what is that going to do you oh you can learn biology that's the bog that's nice basically so you go to a symphony right it's hard to decide you want to be the violin guy but then the guy with the with the trumpet got like so much metal it's like cool sound of like brass another guy's never the sound the string instruments the other one's going no but drums and you guys they're all cool then you go why would i be any one of those why can't i be the conductor why can't i be the one who sees the whole thing and understands how the whole universe fits i want the bird's eye view of physics and biology and chemistry of politics and sociology and psychology and philosophy i want to see the whole world arraign in front of me but i see the symphony of existence and that is the joy of all choice and that's what tyre is the reason we learned terrorist because is the greatest pleasure in the universe now most people don't identify with that because they don't get to that stage in torah what we're doing in yeshiva is not that we're doing yeshiva is the preparatory stage if i want to make a puzzle and see how everything looks how do you make a puzzle first you have to gather all the pieces turn them all over on the colored side you organize them by patterns the corner pieces the side pieces in yeshiva we're assembling all the data and then we organize it nauseam the zikans the different fields of the world all turned over learn all the halakhas but the goal is when you finish turning over all the pieces now you're ready for real talmud you understand the separate components of the world and now your job is to see how it all fits and study the masterpiece of the knowledge and make the puzzle and that's nister and that's the this is this the green talk this is the real goal of computer everything else is tom latoya but it's part of the process when we're young we turn over to pieces we learn how to think clearly but those are all preparatory stages the real goal is to sit back and see the mara experience the symphony the purpose of the conductor making the in the rain shown was was is the composer the composer wrote the whole thing the composer's goal is day gets finally played in carnegie hall and that's what we say in filam [Music] hashem will be one and his name will be one what's in hashem and his name hashem is one is the original it's the composition that the composer wrote it's the perfection of the universe and his name is one the way he's perceived and understood it's when the world plays the symphony is when the symphony is being played it's when carnegie hall and that's us this is what we say throughout the kadusa what do we say in kedusa just like it's all organized and sanctified in heaven and everything's perfect but it's our job to do it here how do you say that in words how do i say the words you me him all of us everyone doing their part of their simply and creating the symphony how does that sound so when you're being you you're feeling your place in the world it's called being godly you're being holy you're doing your mission and when you're doing your mission you're being holy the symphony is when you combine all of our holies so the way you describe making the symphony here like it is there the khandes just like it's done over there what do we do we say kanda is khandes what are the words kanda is khandes khandes it is the articulation of the union of all the individual kardashians it's the sound of a symphony the way we in words describe the symphony is the proclamation of khaleesh kardash it's the sound of humanity each person playing his instruments assembling them together and there's no joy like that the bird's eye view of existence now the problem is is that most of us are not connoisseurs of life you know we we like rice but we don't like rice but we're we don't believe we've been baltimorized we don't believe we have what it takes to get to the pastrami so we sit by the rice but you can't do that because as you're sitting by rice you're watching everybody walk around with their pastrami so what do you have to do now when you're eating rice you have to learn how to make fun of pastrami or better yet if you get really good at it you don't just make fun of pastrami you decide that pastrami eaters are evil right they're evil but i'm a vegan because you're cruel we have to demonize our own dreams we have to demonize everything you want it's a mushroom not speaking it's not an anti-vegan speech it's a metaphor i shouldn't have even gone there someone's gonna make me into some kind of like uh okay what's the point the point is is that what's the real version what do we do right how do i translate that in the real world the guy who went on a lot of dates it's not happening is not getting married so all he ever wanted was to be a husband and a father and build a tree house for his kids and sit and teach him how to build stuff and it's not not a jewish dream okay whatever okay all right but uh taking him to obviously him and learn with his kids mishnai is this was his dream and now one more day to get to know he gets no no so what does the guy say right he says my married friends are miserable right the girls also want money you make up all these ridiculous lies to bury your own dreams that's what the guy who's who's afraid to go get pastrami does he makes fun of meat the guy does the guy who's afraid of going to work doesn't want to work hard doesn't take risks doesn't want to get rejected he says money is the root of all evil it's just money it's so shallow i'm deeper than we make fun of everything we ever wanted and this is the struggle in the world the world isn't just hiding in dark loud places like i started the world is really much bigger than that they're shaming all the bright places if you're walking around lichtig and you have a smile you look determined you're the enemy of mankind because you're reminding people of everything they ever wanted they have to silence you they have to wipe that smile off that's the story of haman needed murder to bow why would akhis veros call vashti to come to the suda with nothing but her crown on what kind of king would do that it makes no sense you know what the secret is what's the secret you have any rational explanation why king would do that because you know what the purpose of a party is the purpose of a party is dark and loud and made the party of all parties but the problem is that you can invest billions of dollars in the loudest darkest party of history and it's worthless you know why because this is one dignified woman at the party that ruins the whole party because you can't even burp you can't be an animal you can't let go you have to be dignified there's a princess in the room a princess ruins the party because now i have to sit down and say sorry like you know careful can't just dance on the table get off the table right you can't do all that stuff what do you mean i put a billion dollars on this party you're waiting for this party the whole world is here so what has to happen what has to happen we have to degrade the queen if we can get her to lose her dignity the party can go on the obstacle to the world hiding the obstacle to to the world becoming the most beautiful place in the world the obstacle to hiding from that the obstacle to burning to hiding from our dreams the obstacle to burying everything ever wanted is the pasmello the basmalica is a reminder of everything that's won what a diary is to a little girl is what abbasi throw is to the world from girl is the diary of mankind it is a snapshot a permanent reminder of everything we ever wanted and if i need to hide i have to burn the diary because it reminds me of my truths and together with the diary i have to degrade the basmalek vashti has to come to the party with nothing but her crown and what happens when vashti refuses to come she has to die because if not then a man won't be able to be cerebral basically a man won't be able to be free and chilled he won't be able to sit on the couch for days on end drinking beer watching football he's going to have to go learn and go to chakras and be careful how he talks be careful what he looks at conduct himself in a certain way be communicative articulate caring sensitive selfless giving deep crash so therefore vashti has to lose her dignity you have to cheapen her into greater and vascular refuses to be degraded we have to hang her and it's the same story again with mordechai hamon has his whole life as the party of parties but it's worthless as long as mordechai won't bow if mordechai won't bow then mordechai is a diary that's burning a hole in him reminding him of his truths if i could only burn that diary then i could believe that my real dreams were being the guy in college who can hold the most alcohol to get what i wanted to be now i i can drink but i'm the real hero what do you say all my dreams that was la la land i was so naive now i know it's really cool we know all the right words to say right these are the words we convince ourselves that all our dreams are nourished the problem is we can say all that and my friends can say you're the man you're the coolest guy no one can drink like you i wish i was you everyone can say that but when one mordechai walks in he goes right yeah sure when one guy is looking at my tick tock or my facebook and my instagram he's not liking it and he's not jealous and he he's not like oh my god really he ruins everything it takes one person who's not buying one vashti can ruin a party one mordechai can ruin everything because it's all a mask and one mask is destroyed the mask is where one person is going up not buying it so mordechai needs to get killed haman says have to kill murder muhammad says kill vashti khazal say the deepest thing i'll say you know what was harman right you know where do hazal get that much it's not like it's a shortage of human's name in the megillah right it's not shy to call someone so say that's who he is the answer is what mukhan's not really haman khazal is saying the guy who needs to degrade the woman so he could be free that's haman the same character trait that needs to destroy the jew cause he won't plow needs to destroy women because they won't bow or what a woman is to a man is what the jews are to the world what a diary is to a little girl is what a woman is to a man what a woman is to a man is what the woman is what yiddish we're the woman to the world the jews we're a reminder of everything noble and good that's how we started that's my cue right i told you how you kira if you walk around you be aroma you show them how to live so you're the world's diary and how do people feel about diaries well it depends if if you don't believe it'll come true you hate your diary if you're living your dream you love your diary the girl who's dating prince charming she can't wait to curl up with her diary and goes wow i dreamt of this look what i wrote i wrote all this stuff it's all coming true the who are living a good moral life they love jews the men who are holy and learning and davening they get up every morning and they work hard they guard their eyes and how they talk and they conduct themselves in business with with integrity those men they love coming home and looking in their wife's eyes because you see in their eyes you're everything you promise you're everything you said you would be but the but the guy who is not doing money to do he can't look at a jew in the eyes he has to wipe that smile off his face the woman who's not the guy who's not doing what he needs to do who's not living how he needs to live he can't look in the woman's eyes the only but he lives with her it's his house how could he how can you live and not be free in his house you work hard you need to be free in your house so what do you have to do i come home i need to be free but i just feel guilty i look at her eyes i can't make eye contact because i'm not the guy i promise when i walk down the chupa so what do you need to do you know knock her down you need to be you need to be ma so the schmooze is is that it's very powerful if if you're trying to cheapen women and you're trying to knock them down you're a nazi it's not my words it's mcgillis words the nazis were what the nazis couldn't bear to see the jews reminding them of what they're supposed to be any man who needs to destroy a woman knock her down because he wants to be free it's the exact same trait it's not hyperbole it's not an exaggeration when lucha is the one who needs to knock vashti down needs to knock murdoch down it's the same story yeah it's brutal it's a little brutal yeah that was the first one was fascinating i thank bucker but i believe it then tell me to ask you if we're here can i say that for the recording he said it's fascinating okay okay right right right right emotional happiness wouldn't that be selfish to do what we're here to be happy that's that's selfish so i responded to him i said we live in an illusionary world i would go oh no okay so you're reverting to what i call the old-fashioned thing you're making it magical again let me get let's you making it magical again you're making it holy versus happy give my answer make give me a happy answer what's what's according to your kasha is yokasha isn't it selfish what would the kasha be the kasha would be is so what's wrong with being self is selfish selfish should be good makes me happy so why selfish bad that's really the kasha what's so why is selfish is a bad trait my whole speech is about selfishness so what's the answer right what's the answer the answer is what does the answer have to be project my tire a little lighter what would be wrong with being selfish go to my terra why should someone have kids why should someone get married why should someone get involved in their kahillah and their shul spend his money on other people you're ruining your joy why jax about likes about happiness right i'm saying lies about happiness why why is selfless selfless is the worst word selfless is giving up my happiness why is giving happy because you feel good i'd rather eat my chocolate bar than i'd rather eat my chocolate bar than watch you eat it the more you give the more you look if i want you to love me i'm a stickler in ram closet you read atlas rug i shouldn't put this on the video but i'm whatever she would say um that um that that's the most nuclear thing the world ever did she convinced people to give up their chocolate bars to give it to the people because it's more pleasure to watch them eat your chocolate bar than you that was a trick on the world to get rich people to give away their stuff honey what's your response the whole stock of thing is is it's manipulative telling me that it's better for me to give away my stuff to you than having myself she's she's anti-stalker she's an atheist she's a bad person but she says a lot of very smart stuff in the process but but but she makes a good point you need to answer the question what's the answer question i have a chocolate bar i want to be happy why should i give it to you so it makes you feel better is is a halfway good answer but it's not really a good answer why because the only way it makes you feel better because they told you to give it so they manipulated you and they lied to you but is that essential is that real or is that just because you were brainwashed that way your parents told you you're a good boy for giving it to your brother because they don't want fights in the house so they tricked you the answer is that the mitzvah of the torah is to be selfish but you know let me say let me say my word let me speak the mix was to be selfish but you know what makes a person healthy holy complete greatness is not greatness is selfishness the question is this the difference between that sadness and russia is not that one selfish and one's selfless they're both selfish the russia says ah me and the tsadik has a higher expanded version of self his wife is part of himself and when she smiles he's happy and his kids are part of himself and when they smile he's happy because it's part of me and the bigger zadek says my kahila is part of me and when michael hill is suffering i feel pain and my cahilla is happy i feel joy selfish joy you could be you can feel selfish joy if a yin in in eritreal is marrying off their kid and youth department you can feel selfish joy because they're part of me god must isn't giving up yourself godless is expanding yourself how big you have to measure how big is yourself how much and it's the same fear to expect the same fear to live the reluctance it might fail is multiplied in expanding because i expand myself i'm opening myself up to so much more pain i can't control it it's so risky people are terrified to expand themselves i heard yeah yeah that's it beautiful this is but all this is not on tape so you got to come closer or i'll repeat okay so mixing in words like rookies is going backwards for me you're making it words that we don't understand i'm trying to explain it like you don't need a mix in any magical words every friar person every atheist will not be able to argue what i'm saying i'm just telling joy it's what i'm saying right without mixing in rookhnius magical words i'm not knocking rookney's i'm just saying do you understand the power of this i can say to a person i'm not telling you do anything that's not happy so he's gonna know so why should i learn because learning because intellectual joy is greater than emotional so i want to learn physics because the bird's eye view is better than one little vantage point okay why should i give it stucca because it's a bigger self i understand why you don't want to because if you don't if you the same way you're afraid to go on a date because you might get rejected you'll be a hundred times more scared to include more people in your to be dependent on them because you can't control it it might feel so much pain every new person you include in yourself is you have more surface area more your more vulnerabilities more border to be penetrated right so therefore you you we tend to want to limit our risk but the re the bravery but it's smart to expand yourself because if you expand yourself you can explain incense choice and that yiddish kite is about qualitative joy intellectual versus emotional yeah i know i repeat everything 10 times you didn't notice it i got i repeat everything that was just the first time the risky side when you expand yourself you're creating more surface area more more borders to be penetrated you're more vulnerable you can you have a lot more of a front line to defend there could be easily more incursions more terrorists can sneak over the border you can't guard that much border if i if i limit myself i can defend myself better it's very risky to be bigger the rewards are great because you could have that much more joy the question is how do you see the world is it more likely to get hurt or more likely to succeed so so this is this is another that's the next step is is a step to get to that confidence how you get to that confidence because the confidence will allow you to be expansive and expansive like you have more joy so let me just put it together there's two different ways to have me happy this qualitative happiness which we demonstrated was intellectual is better than emotional emotional is better than physical but then there's quantitative joy which is the expansion of how big yourself is as you expand each of those children and neighbors can learn torah and then you you're having the qualitative joy spread around quantitatively in that slam us to be a nation of of tamir khamen a nation of thinkers of feelers of depth the joy you'll feel then and this is what we're building call yourself we have a crazy killer it's crazy in a good way that's a nice thing to say to the crazy okay wicked sick nasty these are all good words you have to kept right you're a boomer so you don't know whatever okay yeah okay i'm ill okay okay yeah i'm bothered by my objectivity because i grew up as like a firm jew um and i want like but then let's say within claustral right you have torah since you have the bastion it's also for someone to hear [Music] even to hear one person from for the other one so that internal consistency applying that to the biggest lifestyle decision you can make in your life of becoming living a religious orthodox jewish lifestyle um what's the problem with applying that same standard and let's say first healing out all the wonderful beautiful let's say arguments or proofs whole novice beautiful and and nothing no let's say that's not still even any objections you can make like one valve in has a very makes a very compelling case but then to not like to necessarily then hear the other side through the lens of someone that's bashing it but then just try to understand what are the other alternatives yeah so let me see are you asking authentic perspectives and then trying to make and then be the judge and then making a decision from that vantage point so you're asking isn't the responsible thing the best in tell me i'm saying it right a besden has to hear the positions of all parties you can't judge anything when only one person said his case right and so therefore when you're deciding what to do in life shouldn't you be listening to all different viewpoints why are we making close-minded decisions and we should be exposing ourselves to all of the opinions of the world as an idea okay that's an idea okay so there's a few answers i mean first of all the first answer is okay fine what's wrong right that would be a first answer [Music] so why don't people just say that okay so there's a lot of reason first of all i really have no problem with anyone searching i'm not afraid of anything the reason why i'm afraid the guy that go to college is not because he's going to hear any fear the same thing always bothered me like they always say like what was wrong with movies was it's like i don't want to say even the words but something right and violence right uh movies are full of inappropriate uh right uh things enviro i don't wanna sound so close-minded but it's just one video you definitely wanna say right you wanna sound this it's a it's a very high standard yiddish kite that we don't even see people think we're crazy but you know the torah it says by was described by new york it says the animals that are tahirah and the animals that are a nano torah the torah won't even use the word impure we won't even use the words dirty or it says it's whole it's pure and not pure but we don't it's words are powerful and we it's a very holy thing not to even say words that are that are low so but it always bothered me that people complain that movies have violence and inappropriate uh things so i it's such a like weird like how do you compare the two like violence is nick you know violence it's it's it's it's such a i don't have the right vocabulary i wish i had a better character it's it's just it's it's it's lumping things together that are are cheapening the positions by considering you know let me just say what i want to say and i don't need uh they're always giving a muscle and the muscle is worthless it needs to be explained the purpose of muscle is to make it easier metaphors are supposed to help you explain something not make it harder my fear of why i would have a reluctance in sending a shiva welcome to college you know is is has nothing to do with the information we're learning we're not afraid of information we can we can most of us have to learn is beautiful and is good we're afraid of two things we're afraid of he's a man and he's and he's going to meet women who are more available and have lower costs of entry than the woman he might date and everyone has moments of weakness and laziness and why would i fight a dragon to marry a princess when there's a girl who's ready just uh to to to accept me if i buy her a beer and it's you don't put people who have ups and downs in situations where their moments of weakness might torpedo their entire lives we protect people that's one that's one that that's one thing so my when somebody wants to expose themselves to more things if it was just an intellectual concern i wouldn't be worried it just comes with it comes with other risk factors that have nothing to do with with with the dangers of information we have no fears of information that's number one and then don't mean emotional that they're looking to escape what what is the danger of life at all there's only one danger in life what's the danger of life if i have dreams so why would someone not pursue their dreams there's only one danger what's a danger you're an expert in this we're all experts in life we know our lives what what what makes you ever hesitant for that you don't have to fear you don't think you have one that's right so therefore what do you want to do you know let me ask you like this yeah someone has to keep me on track because once i once i go off on a tangent i never find my way back so someone's gonna have to keep track this point why where i went off okay i was answering this question but the question is is is why don't we allow why don't we encourage people to search the whole world and go spend a little time in timbuktu and kathmandu and and then a little time here go study the world go go learn all the ideologies and someone pick i again i don't know if that's not a valid thing you know what again i don't think i don't think the amish are actually going to lead philosophy in their moments of freedom you know if that's what the amish guy is doing i would send to a therapist i think he has vigorous right you're giving me a free pass from yeshiva for a week i'm not going to right right right uh but maybe i won't but i'm saying that i have a lot to say i don't want to get i would be if i was writing this on a paper i'd have six points and show you the six answers you know there's six but i have to go in order now so i'm so each one is there's a big picture the re you want to know all the reasons why there's an element of of defensiveness in the firm world a reluctance to allow people you want to know where the reluctance in yiddish kite to expand and search comes from answer number one is no reluctance go do what you want not worry about you okay because i it's important to say that first because i don't want you to think that we're insecure insecurity would be the worst thing we're not afraid of our thing my reluctance comes from things that are nothing to do intellectual i think i can win every argument ever if the question is logic truth even emotional because i don't believe yiddish kind is anything more than joy it's just joy so everyone knows what joy is if you can show me that something is happier than yiddish kite i would say go do it the torah doesn't do anything to limit you every limitation is don't eat the rice every limitation tyrosine derives he asked one question tyrek answered it and he could ask other questions why is that limited why is that but you're gonna see everything that all 365 thou shalt not laws are things that will ruin your pursuit of joy that's all and the 248 passive laws are all things that will help you become fulfilled and happy it's a guidebook to joy the only thing that the once that's the real claim then that's testable we'll never be afraid of okay if we win we win if we don't win then we're wrong that's it so that's but so why are we afraid then that all the fear issues are nothing to do intellectual they're all one is for for a boy to go out in the world is dangerous because we all have moments where we're not so clear oh so i want to excuse the muscle i wanted to say what's wrong with instant gratification i saw the best note what are the thing in the bottom of an email where people have like the little tac tackle a little slogan a lot of people have like they adopted a slogan that defines their life the best one i ever saw is the only thing wrong with instant gratification is that it takes too long i love that it's like it's cool right what's wrong with instant gratification can you explain it what's wrong with it so therefore what okay so so what's wrong so the fight what no gratification right okay you say so again it's not it's not immoral it's not spiritual and what's the answer my goal of life is gratification is joy so i give you eight choices i have quick instant gratification i have longest lasting gratification i have um easiest gratification i have closest gratification i have shiniest gratification and i have maximum gratification which gratification should you choose what long term maximum long is good is a good answer but maximum means that i weighed all the graduation this one was the heaviest yours was longer but it was cheaper obviously because it wasn't maximum a lot of times the longer gravitation will be maximum right but it's possible that longer gratification is not maximum because this was shorter and heavier the rational choice in life is maximum gratification so what's wrong with getting instant gratification it's rice the rice is the quickest dish when the torah says something's wrong it's because it's not gratifying enough that's it so what's wrong with instant gratification is is is that it's not gratifying enough so so why do people choose what i know but it's the wrong thing to choose temporary gratification if you can choose better gratification so the question is why would you choose why would someone then choose instant gratification as opposed to maximum gratification what's the is there any reason yeah right um you're great i said rice 100 so i'll use the one you go to a chinese restaurant and you order all the good things in the menu and for half an hour while you're waiting for your food you eat chow mein noodles in the free things stale ones that were on everyone else's table before you they control themselves and didn't eat it but you're gonna eat the thing that's been there for a week while you're waiting for the food you paid for why would you do that why would you eat chow mein noodles in that duck sauce that the guy picked the fly out of beforehand because it was from yesterday why would you do that it's instant gratification is it a smart choice we do it all the time that's only because you made an equation it was maximum i can reinvest the money and the numbers will be higher so you determine that now is maximum why would someone choose less net less because quicker because you don't believe you're going to get to the end the only reason you would choose instant gratification is better one in the hand than two in the bush there's a skepticism about my chances of success it's always insecurity it's a lack of confidence and insecurity that is life life is ups and downs of secure and insecure at moments of insecurity if we if we would live our lives without any reluctance it's dangerous because we're not always on our game sometimes we're insecure and we're insecure we can make poor decisions and therefore we need to have guards on our choices responsibly because i know i'm not always confident so a moment of weakness i will have that drink and that drink i might not be able to study tonight for my test i might fail my test it'll affect my grade point average and affect my therefore my scholarship everything it was good at that moment and i wouldn't have done it on monday but tuesday was a hard day and i did it so therefore in the firm world part of what we understand is that leadership wise people need to create structures that protect people from making life-changing decisions and moments of weakness it's not because we're insecure of our truths which is the way someone might spin it it's because we're quite clear about human weaknesses and and uh and and our ability to make rational decisions people don't always act rationally in fact it's very rare that we act rationally but i don't need to say it that hard now at this point okay next so one reason why we we don't include encourage exploration is because you're never gonna get to your journey of truth you're gonna end up in korea with this really nice girl that was actually the stewardess on your first flight away from yeshiva okay you didn't get to go anywhere okay the first girl you met who said hello friendly was like right that might happen probably happens often right we're all intellectuals intellectuals if you're all intellectuals i don't need to do anything so that's issue that's num number one reason for for uh exposure for for the from attitude of attentiveness a reluctance to full immersion in the outside world okay number two um very smart people who are spin doctors right you listen to press secretaries to make every president sound like a rocket scientist right it's like unbelievable you're like uh right it's the whole the world's full of press secretaries not presidents the worst things that presidents right every college kid will will defend their clubs that are just about being dark and when i tell college kids the only reason you go into clubs because they're dark and loud right so you know eighty percent of the kids in the world go like right wow right wow everyone clicks and you watch their faces in one minute they're like it's all clicking i always know which kids will become from after i give my first share you know how you know it's the kids who get it those kids come over and go the guys come over and go like i have to go should they go to go really that was that was that was amazing it was so amazing i have to go somewhere darker and louder right now i need to go somewhere really dark and loud those guys got it and i say go enjoy but you know it'll never work anymore i ruined it for you the guy goes oh my god right again i ruined it for you because in the dark you're going to hear what i felt like i'm saying it's just a mask you can't get into it you know it's a mask so i almost i sort of ruined it for you and like i go you'll be back you know i'll see you next tuesday i'll be here to ruin more of your life until i save you for good okay i know whatever that's what happens i'm telling you really how it plays out you know truth is but the searchers and that's the cool thing about us the jews we need truth can ruin your party it's not real once i so but the rest of the world doesn't have but for every group when i say that there's always three kids usually the most inappropriately dressed people with the most body piercings and tattoos the ones who have ready made life-altering commitments to their poor decisions they will come over and i go what do you mean i go to club i love the club and then you say really and everyone getting something going i go for my friends and they'll switch eight different illegitimate explanations while they're in the club because they're fighting in their minds it's too late it's never too late but in their minds it's too late but there are people who argue with me well yeah everybody does you ever went to a well you don't know but you go to any mikveh in a from community aaron kipper you'll see tattoos nick was have full of tattoos you know people people have made what you would think would be permanent decisions and they're fine we're full of that in fact those are the people who need to double down on their poor decisions are our deepest people because they really get it shallow people don't need to double down they just go all right i don't even know what he said deep people come around too you know everyone ends people whatever it's it's if we were more welcoming and less intimidating we'd have much more to come back so many people know what's cool about our community you know but we're a little could be part of it as a response a certain way and part of it is that we're not so welcoming you know there are elements that are not friendly now that project inspires nice but even practical inspire is not i'm not as great as we should be you know there are people here probably you know uh wanted a hero of gov and there was someone outside in the hallway who they probably should have spoken to but i want to hear of god you know you know so but i also want to hear of kaff but but this you know a person in need might be more important someone needs a little tension you know everybody's there's a hundred opportunities whatever you know what i'm saying i don't have to like um so what's this point this point is point number two i want to develop this point more because this this to me this is as much as the girl issue the issue of welcome is the scary thing in the world which is might be number one i think this is number one number one is is that um the spin doctor thing is that they're really really good at spinning lies as being glorifying glorified in fact if i had to pick the number one skill of the modern world is in making emptiness seems so enticing it's really they're really really good and i don't trust myself you know the because it's just you can know you can know what you're watching you can know it's spinning there's still it's it's looks so good it looks good it was like and they and and they're also they're so good at shaming everything that's pure and holy you know they can take the most innocent beautiful the dreams of all of mankind and make you feel like the most shallow empty person forever thinking it so you'll send the guy out a sincere searcher who wants to learn things and in his first week out there he'll be embarrassed of almost everything he believes and sold on a bunch of how many people have left home with dreams financial dreams and wasted their father's investment that gave him to establish their life in the first week we get suckered out of what money we it's easy people are more defensive on their money than their ideas so if you can get suckered out of money you can get suckered out of ideas quicker we're far less defensive with in america with things that you can't quantify financially so if you've been tricked out of money you know you can be tricked out of again i'm not scared intellectually i'm scared of people who are not sharp enough to to no spin and you know what i i don't want to spend the whole night in one question those are two good enough answers we're not scared of ideas if it was just to search for ideas i would say go search all you want you know let me say one more thing because it's important a different type of answer is that you don't really need to search for ideas it's kind of it's like it's like dating how do you marry somebody you dated every girl in the world what do you mean you gotta commit to someone you didn't date every girl why do you have to know every idea how can what's your answer how can you marry a girl without dating every other girl because it's exactly like ideas how do you commit to a system of belief without tasting everyone for marriage it's good enough for you what's your answer from there do you have a good answer because you're not voting about how these things compare which i'll leave a better barometer what's the better parameter i'm not measuring someone it's better than that do i love this person is this real is this connecting to my truth do i know that this is me do i does this fit me like a glove you you know you you lived with yourself for 20 something years you know yourself so you know when something fits you don't need to go search for another girl you fell it's it's for you that's how truth is if you know if you see if you're accepting an irrational system then i want to know all the irrational system i'll pick the best one because none of them really fit but once something fits it fits it is it's my truth i don't need a search anymore you can marry a girl without dating all the other girls [Music] again all right so if you if yiddish is not working for you then search then you can't go into each kite because because it's not really yiddish kite then when you're keeping inside because you don't believe in it so that's not either kite you're not dancing in the garden you're trudging through the garden that's not what hashem wants the pasta describes that the description of what caused who asked you to trample my courtyards hashem is describing the jews coming to the base of medus and he's saying i asked you to trample my courtyards how do you talk to someone coming to the oiler regal to go to the base of mcdosh as trampling courtyards how because if you're not there because you want to be there you're trampling a courtyard you don't call a dancer trampoline courtyards a treasure a guy trudging is called trampling courtyards the guy dancing is a dancer so hashem is complaining he's not saying don't come to my basement he's saying don't come here because you're some saddiq enduring the pain and suffering of yiddish kid because you want to serve hashem that's disgusting you're keeping the torah even though it hurts that's what he said the reason for the khurban is because you served you didn't serve hashem with joy because you fetched the worst word in the world is the old word of the old school that jesus is like schwere designing it it's hard to be a jew it's hard to be anything but us i don't know how a person can live without clarity without truth a life that is it's whatever it is get into your whole presentation but of the garden it's not a jail to tend to the garden okay i'll give you a good answer you want to know i use this to explain the beauty of this is everything i'm saying is nice for torah laws what's with rabbinic law why the rabbis have to add more laws how's that dancing in the garden if it was dancing hashem would have told us about it it's good kasha right so what's the answer the answer is if you have a really good kid and he works really well and he's a hard-working kid and he finishes school and he and you know what to do for him he's like he has bad friends and he he knew how to you know i went always partied and he stayed home he controlled himself and he did what he had to do and he studied and he overcame obstacles he kept designing the ball he treats everyone respect he's the dream kid humble good father wants to do something and he said no i'm gonna buy he's graduating school i'm gonna buy him a car and if karen's buying the car he's a good kid he deserves it parents love when the kid's driving around in this car they see enjoy i'm going to smile they feel so much joy do you know what they like and then on sunday the kid is sitting there every sunday with his bucket and a soap and he's polishing his car he's shining his car what does the parents enjoy more watching their son draw don't answer so fast think about it what do the parents enjoy more watching the kid drive the car watching the kid polish the car why cars are made for driving why would polishing be more joy can you explain why right so hashem enjoys the rabbinic laws even more than torah was when we're keeping torah law when we're keeping torah hashem says wow they're driving my car i'm so happy they're happy when he sees us polishing the car on sunday putting on protective sealant and armor all and all this he goes because wow they really get it tenderly gingerly caring for your things folding up your soup your pants shaves even though hotel room is dark and hanging in the closet rather than draping it on the chair under that means that you respect yourself every time you see somebody folding their pants you put stuff away these are these are the laws of the rabbana and that's also part of your skype of the shamrock hashem commanded us to guard and protect my garden protecting yeah yeah is there any other important reasons why why is a reluctance to search back yes um because you're comparing it to dating a girl i'm dating a girl i'm not trying to um figure out what the truth is that's for me if it's making me happy so to me the the judge there is if it's a joy could go there is that true are you separating you're separating to happiness and truth why what does truth mean say the deepest thing avraham the torah is emotion yitzhak is logic yaakov is ms truth is that fascinating when i say the word truth what do you think is it truth logic but avraham is a motion and yitzhak is logic and yaakov who's the balance of both is truth so truth a plus b equals c a is emotion b is logic c is truth so a plus b equals c means that b can't equal c unless a is zero but a is not zero right do the math okay i shouldn't have done that that was like stupid it's too late for that kind of stuff but uh so what does that mean truth is what's truth now why is truth different than logic this is what you're missing in your question this is why this is the right answer because truth is reality reality includes emotion exists logic is not the whole of reality logic is the laws of nature of physics but included in reality is also emotion so you cannot tell me you're grasping reality until you own logic and emotion that's truth reality is logic and truth logic and emotion because they both exist so then skip the word truth reality endless is reality okay and this is reality happiness is reality the same thing so therefore it's the same thing dating truth the experience of truth is living in synchronicity that's what a marriage is it's just real it's just my it's my truth that's what love is i would say that dating is nothing that's neither truth nor reality it's just the emotion it's just because i don't care about the other because if it's true it's not oh you have to have to again again that in the way you asked it it's because you're reverting again to truth being logic when you think of truth as reality you wouldn't say that you have to reframe the meaning of the word truth in your mind to reality and then love then love then you won't ask the difference between if ms is reality then you won't ask questions why is love different than emma's because love and reality are going to be one this thing we're together we're one we're intimate it's there's no barriers it's it's on the same page we're connected the relationship is real i know you could now erase the word relationship and you didn't say anything less it's real okay could someone pass it forward it's like there was you like a telephone i didn't hear it i need someone in between to move it three rows up i'll move three rows at a time okay well you want to answer what are you raising your hand i would tell you i would love it but you're not on the camera so it's going to be ruined the whole we have we're being videoed so oh you can come sit up here so that they'll hear you because otherwise it's going to be dead spot on the camera okay first repeater question so that everybody here's the question you asked it terry first ask it ask her ask it so um your name well she didn't say her name but she didn't say her name okay just said i'll say the question is how can somebody be happy for their uh friends for their friend when they don't have what the what you would hope to have right okay so i was in a situation of divorce for over 16 and a half 17 years and every time a friend of mine had a simcha or somebody who was previously divorced got married i was absolutely happy for them there's an expression in the secular world called jealousy i took the jealousy and i said i just want to gel with us because if i'm around somebody who's getting married even though i'm not yet getting married i'm in good company and in the situation of divorce i'm saying it like that because i i heard from sharla mordechai rabashkin he never called himself a prisoner he said that he's in a space called prison and i was asked to speak to a lot of women who were in the divorce situation once and um they weren't having a pity party but they were having a pity party and and i took the way shola mordecai spoke about being in a situation of prison space and all of a sudden i was able to say hey wait a minute i'm a nation's child and i'm in the situation of divorce and i realized as i started developing hasamayaku just being happy with the portion that hashem gave me without trying to be so spiritual just to be real this is where i'm at right now it's up to me i have a choice i can react or i could respond and and we have the pentala yield inside of us so we have something called the hero we have choice so all of a sudden i started accessing more choice i could relate to things differently and all of a sudden i found that i was doing haprusha's challah parties and i was offering helping my friend marry off her daughter and i said i'm going to bring a dough to the house the night before the wedding and and i'm going to help her say the brother and i started doing it as if i'm having the and not only was i experiencing the simple but everyone around me started getting more basimfa even the 35 women in the situation of divorce they started pulling themselves out of their their challenge and and this idea of riding the bicycle going up and then going down i was thinking of something a while back when i say shamay israel hashem okay i'm one with hashem hashem is one and uh i i i wasn't always aware of halacha i became aware of halakha 29 years ago and learning shema and learning how to dive in if i do it slowly i still bend slowly and i love it and when i say hashem you know you open up your hand i really i sometimes open up my hand while i'm holding the bencher i take it very literally but i do it slowly and i respect this is the way i'm learning and integrating when my daughter became a kala i said shamayas and what was i thinking i think of shema two ways one the way yaakov greeted joseph he was so happy his simple was so great he said shema and also the way moshe rabeno teaches us how to say shema right when my daughter became a caller and i was in the situation of divorce i said shamayia [Music] and it dawned on me all the years that i've been saying it actually brought me to the culmination to appreciate saying shema and my daughter became a color so in short now when i became a collar three four months ago and i got married three months ago thank you hashem what was going on was a simpler that thank you he was this big simple in my life and there was a woman that came over to near rabbitson and she wanted to say for all the years of your suffering and i stopped it please don't go there i'm not going there i never went there in those 17 years please don't call my journey of growing and developing myself and getting closer to hashem years of suffering you're going to blow it for me i'm not going to accept it and and what i want to say is going up that hill we develop muscles right when we're riding the bicycle we learn how to maneuver the brake because when we're going to come to that next plateau of simcha we need to know how to use the bicycle we need to know that we have muscles that will carry us through and uh i'm so grateful to be at project inspire i never have the guts to do what i'm doing right here right now um i'm totally blown away by the program [Applause] i love your sincerity it took so much courage for you to say what you ask i think you're awesome and and and i told this [Applause] i said i have never had the word bitter it's always been i take the i out and i put the e and i make it better because hashem gave us bahira but what i do is kind of cute i'm a certified educational consultant i help women and girls reduce stress it doesn't mean i don't have stress i just get to be creative in how i deal with it and i think we have so much opportunity here i have never heard how rabbi feldheim just spoke now about how this smorgasbord hashem gave us and we don't have to get stuck with rice and you should know rice has a lot of calories i don't know if you realize that it's massive get off the rice and now you could just do the sushi without the rice they wrap it up in cucumber and you're really on your way anyway thank you for indulging me this was make a good point i think i think we should sue atkins for for plagiarizing the torah the torah created the the low carb diet right very that was beautiful no one laughed at my low carbs all your job for that tonight okay oh yeah okay you go with that question okay i don't know what do you want to ask okay okay let's see you never know we'll creatively mesh everything but do you find that like being involved in here and like dedicating your life to that like got in the way of your oldest channel like personally like what that got in the way i hear so so i would say it's not just a different topic it sounds like a different topic but i can make it the same topic he's asking like the risks of doing kirov i guess like twofold some i guess like every question like that is what is the downside person my personal life of doing here of so i would assume that there's two components of that everything yeshkai does thou shalt not and the thou shall meaning when you're doing kira did i miss out thank you sorry i just need something to play with not to eat but it's like it'll be a fidget spinner okay so uh um one side is is that if i'm doing here if i learn less something less time to do other good things and then the downside is doing care of do you make yourself susceptible to you know like after like years of being there and like flipping out a bunch of kids he like left because like he was affecting his family and his kids like being around the guys yeah yeah i know i definitely i definitely suffered from that a lot you know so it's so much better to have a job that you're miserable doing something they can run home every minute you know the downside in doing anything good and holy and exciting because it's you you're torn you know and you have priorities and let me give you a good mush like i gave him muscle puzzles i just wanted one of the coolest mushrooms is that i spoke before the torah is like a puzzle and you want to put it together and see the whole thing the real depth of terror is it's not it is a puzzle but it's a rubik's cube a rubik's cube is a three-dimensional puzzle because like you can do the green side of a rubik's cube perfectly but ruin the yellow and the blue the trick is to do the green where the yellow is not ruined the blue is when everything fits i could be the best kira guy and not be developing myself i could be not taking care of my kids neglecting my kids and my kids aren't growing and you could or you could be developing your mind and not working on your health you can work on your health not your emotions the trick is to figure out how to grow each side of the puzzle simultaneously and that's the greatness of terror it's meaning like it's not a group in the world doesn't have wonderful aphorisms we all have the same aphorisms you know like earlier the bed and earlier rise makes it about healthy wealthy and wise there's a million things like that religions are full of this stuff everyone says the same stuff what's our uniqueness our uniqueness has ever seen the nestle's quick commercials with the rabbit you know he used to say they they were fighting aphorisms back and forth right he's he's saying um patience is avert the the rabbit is drink wants a drink the nestle's quick fast another gun's saying you have to go slow so the rabbit goes no knows what i'm talking about you don't watch television you're also from okay israel okay so i'm gonna corrupt you now there's a commercial called for nestle's quick i think it's kosher it's not holy sorrow that's kosher right nessie's quick and there's a rabbit who's their mascot and the rabbit is saying i have to drink it quick and they say no drink it slow and the rabbit goes the other person says patience is a virtue and he goes no better time than the presence britain than present and you're debating back and forth using cliches and you can do this all day long that's the that's that's the coolest there's a lot of good needles that the opposite trait is also a good meter right so right it's very good to be generous it's good to be thrifty and responsible it's good to be patient it's good to be zealous right it's good to be uh you know open non-rigid it's good to be uh proper and defined and precise and so the trick of life is to figure out how to have them all at one time how to combine them all so that's uh again the perfect again if the world was a one-dimensional world would be taken away but the goal of life is the symphony is the perfection of the whole thing then then there's just the total beauty of of of the symphony that said um but one thing i heard in what she was saying and what you said is one of the lessons that uh the kala i know her name the one of the lessons that the caller said the way i understood what you were saying i was trying to think psychologically how your advice really how would i explain it you know intellectually how would i organize it in the book so one of these i was thinking is how does it help it's definitely true what you're saying when you invest yourself and being happy for other people and and helping them so gets rid of all of the pain and this so how would you explain that i think the way i explained it there's a lot to it one of the ways i would explain it is you ever hear the expression the best defense is a good offense when you want to you're fighting a war if you're russia and you're fighting aurora you want to fight it in kiev you don't want to fight it in moscow because when i fight in enemy territory then even when it's a setback i'm just losing one block of your land when i fight in my own land every setback is a loss of land when you fight there so that you're in their territory you're safe so life always has ups and downs and moments of vulnerability and if you're dating and you feel good and bad and go to khasna of course it's going to paint the picture for you of all your dreams you're going to see the kala you can avoid that the color is living your dreams so one way to solve that for making you sad is when you shift your battlefield your front lines so far into the positive holy territory then even when you have setbacks your setback is still putting you in such positive ground when you're giving and you're involved in the party and you're lighting up it and you're part of it so you're so invested in her joy in her simcha that even at the chupa that moment where you see her and you wish you were there it just it was a little downer in your huge joy so you're still a net gain you're still in the world of semiconductor and that's i will tell you also i wanted to connect the two questions so it wasn't by such a divergence when you're doing kirov when i'm doing care i never people always want to go to colleges and you're like it's not like a problem like you know you talk i grew up in yeshiva and i talk to girls i'm talking to girls and girls and you know like uh again i'm not speaking for everybody you know i'm not saying i'm a todd toddler or anything i'm just saying never happened to me when i was doing here of like a yeah i am i'm like i feel what i'm doing here of like i'm homeless like i'm i'm doing hashem's work i feel so holy it's like i'm a kipper so even the moment of a setback on yom kippur is like you lose kavanagh for one minute but you're never like you're not not watching a movie on your kipper so kirov to me is raising the level of your activity and moving it for you're fighting the battle and the world of holiness and even if you have setbacks you're still so far ahead of the has a more game game because it takes one other girl who's jealous at a wedding to say like you're so involved in this wedding to say like oh this you know that's not your wedding shoot down to the ground and be like wait like way back before you you think so i i think shooting down on to the ground from where you are only works what you're doing is really fake and it's a mask it's only in the case of of i'll explain no it's not it's not fake i always ask this kasha but i'm trying to understand how mordechai is not bowing ruined everything for haman it's a big question to me because hama had everything in the world how does one guy not bowing ruin everything if i'm a billionaire and someone takes a few million dollars from me is how does it ruin everything i still have 900 million dollars doesn't ruin everything the only way it ruins everything is you don't really have anything everything you have is a mask then one guy pulling off the mask you have nothing so the only way you you can ruin my whole life with one small thing is if what i had was a lie to begin with a balloon you can pop with one hole you can pop a wall with one pin so therefore somebody for this so therefore what and what what's the nimshot of what i'm saying so if the person's really that's not fake when you're helping someone is not fake you feel joy you're so you feel happy you're making someone happy it is not fake it really takes on a life of its own and someone saying something mean will not work it'll only not know what it'll work for the girl who goes to the choppa and she's bitter and sad and she's not helping but she's going there and and i'm acting like she's the college best friend and everything and one person goes stopping the collar that would ruin her but the girl who's actually went shopping with the caller and was her chameras and and and it organized the the gifts and is holding on to the checks and and doing all the last minute chopping her gown she left this go pick this up that girl you could say a lot to her she's not gonna ruin her you're not gonna you're not gonna drag her down because it's not a balloon it's a wool you can't ruin a wool with a pen you're right so i'm saying but people who are living real that's a good rule for life balloons get don't be a balloon balloons get popped very easily mr herman feld high but that's all right i'm sorry it's all right hi we felt like yeah what got him to be the biggest mountain because when he was stuck here as a little kid by himself alone he was he was by a relative and they made him want to make him college obviously left he was sharpest on a park bench he said one day never going to let [Music] very nice okay beautiful beautiful very good on that the night of the wedding when it's your best friend's wedding you can be very very happy because okay see what we talked more about this is very real we didn't i didn't you know what it's the same thing it's just it's we just want to flesh us out these are the hardest things in life these are being you know it's a friend's wedding and uh you know and [Music] all right so let's let's make your own wedding for your kids the conversation is the person who never had kids going to all their friends kids weddings you know you have you have you have you have iza for them okay this is what we do late at night late at night uh we got to deal with the real stuff you know no haven't let me do it let me tell you [Music] let's work this out together let's figure this out like what first let me say this we're not exp even if we don't come up with good explanations we're not expecting malachim they're they all talk about this every all this farm are busy that it's also to be sad sadness is us but they both say some is a holy version of sadness there are different words about tanya calls it the difference is between being atlas and marirus and the nachman has a different word he calls it between and lev what is the whole the holy sadness is called marirus and the holy s in tanya and then in breslav it's called levnishbar what is the holy version of sadness it's it's the experience of a legitimate longing and not having it it's a holy feeling so first of all to go to a wedding and see a friend getting married and feel a bitterness it's holy it's marieros marias is legitimate i'm not saying there aren't other ways to minimize it and we can whittle away at it but worst case scenario if you're going and you feel it in its full dose you feel deep pain it's a very holy feeling it's legitimate in fact i'll tell you a beautiful word i was thinking claudius well comes to the mayam hamarim they come to the bitter waters and what's the it'sa what do they do but imam hammering where's my should do he throws in a tree right and the water gets not bitter how do you explain that so how do you define bitter to me the definition of bitter is the feeling you feel from the frustration of not being able to holy dreams good things that you wanted when it's something good and you're frustrated right someone doesn't have kids and they want to give they have so much to love there's a bitterness is the feeling you feel in frustrated dreams it could be jealousy too but but but it doesn't have to be jealous it could be happy for her i'm just sad for myself right jealousy would be an addition to bitterness right but even if you have no jealousy and you accept that hashem has enough shidduchim for everybody so her getting a doesn't ruin mine jealousy means i wish i had what she had you could you could have it so nothing to do with her bitterness is that forget where i wanted to right because i'll say it's a good thing every man is burned from his friends huppah and the ramakhal says this has nothing to do with jealousy this is a holy thing is that you see something desirable and good of course you want it you're supposed to want it marirus is holy bitterness is holy what's the answer to the bitter orders if the definition of bitterness is i have so much to give i don't want i don't want to smell life without using i want to give i want to be me i want to i want to give if that's bitterness bitterness is that i need to give it i'm not giving i'm not i don't have a roll so what's the cure you see bitter water how do you cure bitter water what's the goal of water what does water do what nourishes so if you see bitter water means it's not giving so what do you do to the water to cure it throw it a tree you hear it throw it a tree throw in a tree no throw in a tree throw in a tree for now what does that mean throw the tree gotta get the media a little poetic if the definition of bitterness is that i want to give and have nobody to give to i want to nurture and there's no one to nurture right so you see water that's bitter what would be the bitterness of water what does water want to do it wants to nurture a tree so you see water that's bitter it's frustrating to throw in a tree you see a bitter girl what do you do throw her a hussan you see a bitter guy throwing the kawa the tree was bitter and the water was bitter he wants to be a husband she wants to be a wife so what do you do right the lesson is though you don't throw the water to the tree you throw the tree to the water the hustle has to go to the girl don't make the girl go back to the cousin okay you understand all right well let me just say there's a lot to say here i'm just getting started just i want to get sidetracked what you agree throw so with the whole thing the last part you heard the guy should be thrown to the ground they're just saying it in a magical way to make it a little more uh a little more people it's not sugar-coated it's that yeah but people like magic people don't want to do the work to do what really asks really what are they saying what's it mean in english get rid of the magic say it lip fish if i can't say to someone if i say to you is you know if you're water hashem will send you everything you want what is the if you remove the magic you're saying that is that like like you're not married because you're looking for too much stuff like look for something realistic and practical and get married nobody wants to hear that so i say bhimavata and hashem will make magic field get a prince really it's it's just a it's just a sugary way to say something uh sugarcoating the way what we really need to hear is that people okay but i'm not here to go i don't like mustard i'm my own disaster stuff to deal with i don't need to like uh give people so let me just say this um where were we right so uh advice on how to do this so first the first important things is first to know that bitterness is holy bitterness is because first of all it's truth it's it's something what's what's the alternative to being bitter there's a few alternatives what's the most common alternative to being bitter is what that's a good answer truth i i'm asking the wrong question because there's too many good answers to this question but but the anger is not may be the second most common what's the most common answer i don't care it's whatever the word whatever whatever is the worst word in the world is most people's answer to all problems so stop caring that is the worst possible answer so if the if i would define see that's really poor that's mikra randomness the word that the what is it what does mikra mean why is it a poor lottery rolling the dice what is well it's all about whatever whatever is the modern way to translate purim purim is the war against whatever it's to say the desire to say it doesn't matter it's all random it's mikra whatever is the important whatever is the worst word so what's the opposite of whatever doesn't we're not giving you yet what you want so what's what's the opposite of whatever it's bitter bitter is the holy version of whatever i still don't have it but i didn't say whatever i'm still dreaming and hurt still hurts so first of all the ability to feel close to hashem and bitterness bitterness is unbelievable closest hashem and don't feel guilty about it and don't feel like casper shall make you doing something wrong it's one of the deepest deepest closest you'll be able to accomplish more things with the problems will he'll feel bitter they think they're russia i think it's bad and they can't protect them but they're business because they got some they're like being caught up and not having a munna so the first thing is to embrace bitterness bitterness is not you can't approach the coolest thing to approach hashem with marieros you created you made me to be a mother you made me to be a wife you made me to be a hustler you made me be a father please give me the chance please i wanted so much say those words that's that's uh it's it's don't be afraid marirus opens doors that that no but nothing else can open that's number one number two is the same time marirus is something very good between you and god it is not good anywhere else nobody wants to see marieros and unfortunately a lot of girls older girls older guys they mix the guy they're dating up with god he doesn't want to see your murderers it's just an important advice there's a lot of reasons to be bitter there's a lot of negative experiences you can't let it affect dating you got to come on a date you got to work to put on your best smile this is what we have girls have they have tara and kadusa they're lifting and and that's what's going to get you married every guy needs it the problem is we could date for a long time and we get bitter and better and both come on a date and they're everybody's comparing war stories and uh so uh giggle we actually have giggling classes you want to do that for the rest of the class we'll practice giggling everybody what do you say no no okay okay very good all right what else could i what else can i say on the sugar what do you say we're done we go more you're into it okay so what else topics um but there's more to this topic but maybe we should like there's so much to say like i like all the regular things to say also but first of all this quote i told you you could see it open the ram khal me says right in the beginning in in perik in the parika um stones hear us in sahiras it's the um mafside hashirus whatever he says there are three things that rob a person from zahiris is that where it is no it's before it's it's it's it's midas has heroes it's the first paragraphs he says he says that don't make whatever he's talking he says he says that and he spells that it is not jealousy it's holy he's supposed to be burned from you it's he's dividing people to three levels he's saying there are the people in the world who do things because they want to be the best they could be they want to be what hashem put them here for that's the holiest level then there are people who do things because of pain and like they don't want to get they don't want to be punished by hashem they want to be rewarded so they do things because of the carrot and the stick and that that's the middle person then there's the lowest person who's driven by jealousy he doesn't want people to be higher and that's what motivates him he doesn't want people to be bigger than him and he gives instances the way he describes the highest level is this quote the highest level is called that you're burned by your friends you see someone doing something great and you want that to that's cuddlish it's the highest level that's bitterness okay so just know that bitterness is a big focus what okay life is for grown-ups yeah everything's everything's yeah yeah yeah everything's a slippery slope i'm growing so you okay you're a capable person you could deal you could do something dangerous one day just once in a while right you always wear a seatbelt you're not wearing a mask it's dangerous right okay very good okay so we're expanding our no mask mandate to include to include shidduchim right right take a risk here and there walk around being bitter um oh i felt like i said it should not be better just like i'm going to be bitter about it yeah so i separated bitterness is between you and god business is not the people bitterness is the feeling right blood it's not depression bitterness is another word for longing it's the description of longing from the position of lack then that's number one number two is what else you know if you're on a screen maybe this is going to sound like too regular but it's a it's a start i'll get a little deeper into in a second but the regular way sort of is if you're on a bus right and the bus is going on a route and are you jealous of every single person who gets off at every stop they got off the bus but you you know it's not your stop you know you know you have a stop you know the bus has been doing it for a while it stops to be spot everything you're not jealous every guy gets off this spot because you know you have a spot so if we're bitter if we're having a hard time when i haven't gotten to my spot yet because you're not convinced that the bus driver not knows the route it's really an indictment of the bus driver that's the problem so now the question is but it's not really and so that's the little cheap thing to say you don't trust hashem that's why you're scared a little bit it's true but it's a little deeper because you could trust hashem you know what the problem is let's say you have you trust the boss drive he's a really good bus driver so why would you still be worried whatever's getting off you might he might not drop you off is there any other reason if i trust the bus driver why i'd be worried when everyone else is getting off how come it's not stopping in my spot what i okay that's nice too that's that's legitimate feeling to be a little bit lonely but a lot of people other people call it have a little privacy finally there's different ways to see loneliness it's only lonely when you think it's permanent when you realize it's for a short time you go poor hashem i can i can do my needlepoint whatever it is that you people do these days i don't know i'm living like in 1970. you know no one even knows what needlepoint is anymore right my mother used to make me yamakas like that like today i'd be like thrown out of cloud yourselves and like what wearing one of those yamakas you know yeah but you're already on the bus not the bus stop you're already on the bus you're on the bus we're on the bus to my marshall i can tell you where you are you're on the bus okay make up your own muscle okay my muscles you're on the bus you're on the bus and the pr the fear is so number one reason you assume is if you're nervous because you don't trust the bus driver but it could be you trust the bus driver you don't think the bus driver saw you he doesn't know that you want to get off we think that for some reason we we we're not being noticed by hashem i trust hashem i don't think hashem trusts me and we feel guilty and it's that guilt or that shame that causes me to be nervous that's for most people that's the real problem whenever they get nervous or scared it's not that i don't trust hashem i trust hashem i just think that hashem whatever hashem knows who i really am he knows what i did he knows what i thought and and that is the biggest problem in the world the biggest problem in the world is thinking that somehow that hashem you can you can lose hashem's attention and you can lose hashem's compassion it's the most common thing in the world but it's the saddest thing in the of the plan world i'm not afraid that that god's not what's true because god's not doing what's with greater goodness i'm afraid that god is being what the greater goodness and what i wanted within the within that than that is not part of the greater good that that's good if you want to do something bad when you want to do something the torah says you should do you're never going to feel that we're talking this schmooze is about getting married and having kids and that is hashem's plan so you can't answer that why is hashem altering his plan for me must be that i did something i got i got lost in the shuffle because i'm guilty and this is the root of most advocation this is like the biggest sugar the in your biggest now hashtag protest and then that will put you into a different mindset oh wow there's nothing but have to be right now obviously i shouldn't watch it over if i shouldn't watch me over here that's good that's good but what but when you're in that massive it's very easy to dance out of every hashkah practice there's a million answers to practice cynical answers yeah you know it's very hard it's very hard to get yourself out of this rut once you're in the rut once you've entertained the this is why other men have a hide in the garden you don't they don't go run to hide right away they feel boucha and they go hide it's shame that causes us to hide shame is the root of all human siren the fear of failure all those things i said that people don't try don't harg i'm gonna fail we just do where does the fear i said laziness comes from the fear of failure right that's what we said let's go one step deeper so where does the fear of failure come from okay because i'm not good enough i'm gonna fail because it's not good enough why am i not good enough because i did things that made me feel ashamed and people feel the story of your other muhammad every single person feels pusha and therefore the most important thing to work on is pusha is to feel deserving to feel like you're a nachos and so how do you do that i think if if people would work on how to how to feel like you're in hashem likes me um it would change most of our things we would change our attitude or change our fear because the only way you could be scared is if you think hashem forgot you and the only reason you think you you forgot you is you think you're forgettable so how do you become unforgettable so the the right answer is to first say there's no one answer you have to know what your bhusha is and we can address each bush differently the way to get rid of bush is to solve the cause of the busan undo the buddha but there are your other there are other tools that's a long smoothie you got to talk to the person figure out what their bush is um and um i call it i use mushroom i uses is what's what's the what's the crack on the bottom of your tub meaning you i can fill my bathtub with hot water take a bath for hours if the plug is not plugged in it'll just drain we're all doing good things we all should feel great the problem is there's always the plug none about this one thing that is robbing me from all of my confidence every mitzvah every kilim every darvening i'm doing so much good stuff so why am i still scared because i'm i'm still scared of ignoring me why i'm doing so much good the only answer because all it takes is to have the plug out so what is the crack on the bot we have to identify what the crack on the bottom of our tub is what is robbing me of my pride my my feeling of being full no it's a circle that's a circular reasoning i'm not getting married because i'm missing an edge and i'm there because i'm missing an edge because i'm i'm not vibrant and alive and on my game because i feel this is all you got to find the source the person who's lifting and confident is when we say habit it's not a magical thing it's people who are vibing or their faces are bright or happy everybody wants to be near them you just you're magnetic bosses want to hire you customers want to buy from you want to set you up the people you're dating want to marry you rebellion want to teach you tell me to want to learn from you this is the secret of life is that is that confident glowing thing it's the most important thing we all have reasons to be confident so that's not what lacking what we're lacking is we have a crack at the bottom of the tub you have to identify your crack so that's the best way is to plug up the crack whatever it is so i don't know anything about girls crap i know all the boys problems i can tell boys what what what what our problems are and how to solve them because we're pretty simple it's one or two problems and we usually uh like for most guys the problem is again i'm could be on projecting but my problem is i know in yeshiva look at every gemara from every year i was in shiva all my years the first two pages are covered in notes cautious look at everything and then the third page is cowboys the fourth page was like layouts of my dream house the fifth page i don't even know where it is it's gone it's just missing and uh that's the story of every gemara ever had so i learned about utifel limely he's a nice guy and he's a good head he has good conscious and he learns for about a week he has no stamina and he never finishes anything and i tell myself what's up tonight one night at the time i'm good at you learned that you learned that we have no consistency and therefore every opportunity that comes our way we're reluctant why are we reluctant because i'm going to do really good in the beginning i'm not going to finish it so why should i bother starting so no matter what i do good no matter what i accomplish i'm always going to have this crack in the bottom of the tub so how do you patch that up the way you patch it up is you have to two things patched up for guys chakras but in the same seat in the same show and in the month you will see yourself totally different you wake up and you feel like a man hashem knows where i am he knows who to see me i'm reliable and consistent it takes one month really because i'll say all these things 40 days it takes 40 days what do you say 40 days because it takes 40 days to do something to change your self-image 40 days you don't you die from the same minion the same seat daffy me helps taffy me is the same thing consistent responsible it's not a whole it's not a london it's not a reshiver it's humble once you start doing something deep it's already an ego drip humble things are about consistency the guy who learns taffy me after 40 days you feel like a man you feel consistent and uh if you're married you'll see it in your marriage because the secret of losing respect of a wife is to miss chakras it means she's married to a boy he's cute he's a boy he's good for a couple days at a time i tell guys this is that uh it's not gonna chance it's so important that she's not gonna say a word when you go to shaka's because it's too exciting and she doesn't want to tease herself so the first week she's not gonna acknowledge that you went it'll be like is we're not gonna talk about it it's awkward it's important but we don't wanna talk about it because you're just gonna stop it's gonna hurt me the first snowstorm and she hears wakes up and and she hears it's dark outside and she hears the shovel in the driveway digging out the car to go to school in the morning it's the first time her heart starts to beat like maybe something real is happening and she gets excited but she still can't say anything because it's just the more excited the worse it is if you like teasing her three weeks later by the second snowstorm he's still doing it and she hears the shovel again you come up from shul there's gonna be waffles and scrambled eggs and pancakes piled up it's like you marry you started from scratch again because you you built the image of a hero the image today of a man killing a dragon with a spear to get the princess what's that dream i fee a girl feels like a princess when the guy's went to kill a dragon for her so what's the equivalent today cleveland today is a guy wielding a shovel in the driveway fighting the snow and that's the modern hero and his wife feels like a princess when he hears she hears the shovel scraping the driveway unfortunately in most cases today the wife is sitting there looks over and the husband's still sitting there banging the snooze button if he even if he's still setting the alarm clock and what does that say to her what is she here why do women get so upset or feel deep down so upset they won't even say it because they don't believe it'll ever change why is it so upsetting because the same way when a man goes to chakras what's a translation my wife's a princess you go to shakur she hears wow i'm inspiring he's killing dragons for me when you don't go to chakras what are you saying she's a dud she's not a princess that's why they get upset it's the biggest insult in the world you're robbing her of her entire femininity when you're in now he doesn't have this people she's subconscious of the cops no one knows how big it is but people know how big it is that's that's the that's for most guys that's the crack in the bottom of their tub chakras now for girls good to see you good to see you stop it so even in the midst of my journey during to share you helped contain it and make being more connected to self-connection and possibly inspiring everyone here to be connected to themselves and that's happiness by the way it's not the american dream happiness to me is an inner contentment an inner contentment as we just think connected go have me in mind by chakras hashem i hope the deal hope they'll be a second minion i'll nine i'll give you it'll be a nine nine round for nine round for nine ten ten [Laughter] a lack and like the things you're saying maybe oh maybe you're questioning hashem that you just scared you as opposed to being more positive and having a positive way i got lost let's say it again say you're saying good i'm just my brain's a little foggy because right now that's why you're single the reason why you you would be jealous at your friend's wedding if it's if it's just bitter it's legitimate but if it's more than bitter it's or it's it's you feel like a yish you feel like it's not just that i'm longing but it is a fear that it might not happen if it gets beyond bitterness [Music] okay very good so i'm that's why you're asking a question bradley i'm talking about someone who's going to a wedding the original question was is how do i get rid of the tsar i feel but right so it's helpful everybody who gets married late they wish they would have known the date they're getting married they would have so much fun along the way i mean deep enough you would have you would have you would have enjoyed the journey when you know hashem [Music] makes us society that you know we should have more of a tough one this is that as opposed to thinking opposite let's think more positive that what what what what's the alternative i don't say what what's we saying society so we should have a munna and you're suggesting what do you think what do you think a moon is why is that different that's the same choice i mean other people are telling you stuff because they think you're suffering okay all right okay okay very good that's a very fair point very important anyone who's treating you like you're panicking when you're not panicking it's right all right right but what's what's what's the girl's version of the crack on the bottom of the tub so i was like i said let's see we're up there i'm saying the guy's problem is generally is stamina that's the number one problem for guys is the reason why we don't feel that hashem is going to take care of me is because i feel like i'm not deserving i think i'm forgotten on the bus my shame the reason that i'm hiding because my shame the guy's shame is generally not that he's talented or capable or smart but that he can't do it for too long and therefore that's why we're reluctant we don't live our lives fully because we think we're gonna just we're teasing ourselves we're going to start and fail so why should i bother what's the girl's version of that i don't know if there is a girlfriend most girls are in the zone they're doing what they have to do and the people like you're saying the people who think they have a problem are the other people projecting okay but this i'm still like the girl who asked the questions not here there's a girl who asked the question responding to the question she said she's how does she deal with her her tsar watching a frickin so she it's not my it's not my projection she said it okay so we're answering the actual question i'm sure there are people who feel that way what do you tell those people so you know so i i would say i use the once you use the boston marshall blast play out the bus muscle it's a very powerful motion it's simple but very powerful you know when you trust that there's a bus driver you know the whole bus ride's fun right you can you can watch the scenery and you can uh bairush writes this all over in all those books when you trust the bus driver you can take a nap you can watch the scenery you just relax when you don't trust the bus driver the entire trip is like holding on to the seat in front of you every turn you get to your destination worn out drained you trust the bus driver it's all just you know i have a different marshall everyone talks about the twists and turns of life and how it's so scary and dramatizing and scared you know people wait online for hours and great adventure to go on a roller coaster right and you wait for it and you it's thrilling so why is life didn't that roller coaster how come it's obviously not the twists and the turns that are you pay crazy money and wait on crazy lines and great adventure to go through drops twists and turns and screaming and because you know it's a track and it's not falling off so you should if you felt if you if you felt that life that the rabbinicholum is at least as good an engineer as the acme roller coaster company is at least this town he's doing it a little longer if you trusted that he knew what he was doing life would be a thrilling roller coaster now again that's nice people around moves i said maybe you should get off and walk maybe maybe the other annoying people on the bus yeah sorry i just thought of that a lot you should have said this dating's on roller coaster it's a haunted house as you just said you know the haunted house even in great adventure you're terrified you know it's a scream machine that's great [Music] could be that too but i'm saying uh i think we all could could all right last question was like like doesn't have the perspective of like oh like it's obviously that like there is an end result well i didn't get we didn't get talked but these are the answers you know the answers are that i shall join the world then the next question is is okay i'm still scared because that then the answer is is that i was running driving the bus but you think he forgot your spot because you think you're too short you didn't see you [Music] listen that's bitter that no that's not jealousy it's it's listen and that's legitimate that's bitterness you're not supposed to be happy at someone else's wedding unless you're in denial if you're older and you want to get married you could figure out ways to deal with but the only way to the healthy thing by a wedding if you're single is marieros that's the healthy thing anything less is my first guess would be denial would be whatever you stop caring but there are ways in the other ears her idea was a great idea was you're still going to feel marries but if you shift your joy so far into that territory you're helping her you're involved in the wedding so even though you will feel some arrears you're still going to be so far into positivity that you're still going to feel good that's a real a-zone you know that's that's one type of son um another type of aids is this is what i feel a lot of times in things like this is you realize that it's so rare and deep to feel close to hashem that you actually enjoy marirus i look forward to marirus it's like that kind of deep mel nello feeling of being in hashem's hands there's a pleasure of marias that i just i feel so real and raw and i look forward to it and you go you go to a chasm of your friend you can you can look forward to the excitement of being of marie's of just feeling open to hashem and hashem hold me in your hands shen protect me hashem take care of me leave me by hand so it's a really cool feeling to to get into you could you could be excited by zara sometimes there's a certain kinds of sound it's a deep thing are you supposed to let um um different kinds of pain right um sadness you shouldn't let any in marirus you could let in this is what again mourning could be marieros this could be the loss of my relationship with that person it's real marieros is real is the embracing of a real loss it's it's just sober it's just real otsus is the feeling that this marirus is invading in the rest of my life i'm coloring the parts of my life that are not missing by the part that i am missing i think i think that that's the main the main the line is is is is drawing conclusions to the rest of your life from the legitimate feeling of loss is is is drawing further conclusions of negativity in your life based on the experience of this loss allowing this loss to over over but to overflow its boundaries which that which means which is a la which is which is irrational i have lost the fact that i'm not this does just because i'm not able to and i haven't had a child yet but i haven't been able to take care of my child doesn't mean i stopped being a good balkari i go to school i shouldn't stop blaming people love my kriya whatever it is i draw beautifully i made monograms with my friends i don't lose my skills because i'm not a kid you're missing something you can embrace legitimately your tsar and feel the bitterness but when that starts to ruin things you do have that's odds it's just reality is holy not reality is not holy and uh denying pain is also not real but there's something called not marirus there is a way to deal with marijuana's that's positive and that is the roller coaster to understand that hashem is putting me through this it's on a track he's not delaying my gratification just to tease me there's good there's a benefit in it you have to understand that's the cure for marijuana's even the rears is good the answer to marirus is is that okay i'm a ladder field the feeling of loss but why is hashem not giving me what i want why not i'm allowed i know i'm allowed to feel the tower but why am i feeling why is i'm not giving to right away so the answer always is that something better is going to happen because of this hashem wants you to develop something that's going to be built in this marieros can deliver things to you there could be other benefits of delayed thing you know maybe he wants you to have a more mature cousin he doesn't want you married you can't deal with marrying a boy neither guy who's been around the block a few times right um somebody who's disciplined already is ready uh who knows what but but usually so another way to deal with even marieros which is legal is is to is is to realize that it's like you call it we call this a there's a cure for bitterness which is called bittersweet which is to realize this is a sweetness in the bitter which is that the not only is the bitterness itself a legitimate emotion and a holy emotion it's also sweet when you know the delay that into the way something's happening you know i'll give you a simple way to picture it i want you you want to get married and you get delayed and then it's covered and they shut them in the halls and then you realize that you know what but it's delayed till april or whatever june i can have a june wedding i always wanted a june wedding and it's going to be an outdoor to heal that and then all of a sudden the marirus of delayed is is is a bittersweet because there's a milo isolate and it was worth delaying for something positive and that's a pretty lame thing that you're going to have in auto usually when hashem delays something it's far more beautiful and far more meaningful than an altar so if an alto huppa itself is exciting and could help you deal with a delay then certainly what hashem had in mind is going to be exciting and help you deal with the delay it's going to be better than outdoor helpers it's um all right okay so that's the next step in this it's not the same topic it's the next step so how do you deal with pusa right so how do you deal with guilt how do you deal with so um first of all boosha on the past there's two components of it's the personal failing and then what damage i did you hurt someone you you didn't do something with someone you said well no that's there's two problems to that push one is the shame that i feel that i i needed to knock someone down to build myself up i feel guilty that i'm not who i was supposed to be and the second thing is i feel guilty i ruined their i said bad information so that's the the external push of dealing with the collateral damage of my failing so that doesn't exist you should never feel from the collateral damage because you didn't do it hashem controls the world and there's a million ways he could have stopped you from doing this right someone could have said this is not true the message could not have gotten through there's a hundred ways i can shoot a gun and i said can make the bullet get blocked the gun can could be a blank it can miss like there's a hundred ways if your action caused harm it's because i should have allowed it to the actual experience of yourself i'm not doing that that's the next step that that's going to be what we have to deal with i'm just saying boost there's two components to pusha most people can't deal with the personal pusher because they because they i hurt someone you can't even i can't even get facing my own part because it's something much bigger i'm telling you don't let the bigger thing ruin you the bigger thing is smaller the shame of having damaged someone the collateral damage of your failing shouldn't bother you at all hashem allow it to happen hashem could have stopped it it was part of his plan you were just ashley it wasn't you would have been somebody else this is what hashem wanted you you could you can feel safe to deal with your own guilt just between you and yourself and you and god and not have to worry that it's too big you did too much bad yeah no no nobody can mess up hashem's plan it's impossible to mess up ourselves but no one's stronger than hashem but he gave us that i know so you so it means you did something wrong and hashem will still get his plan done but you won't get rewarded for what you did and you won't and this is his plan you can delay things you can but it's all it's that's ourselves plan you're not going to miss out on anything in your life because of anything someone else did it's impossible to hashem hashem can make if hashem wanted something to happen to you at a certain date he could make a million things be the cause of what he took till then i understand the consequences there are consequences of actions but hashem can can can block consequences hashem has to allow the consequence to happen i can do a hundred things wrong people do 100 things wrong and survive people do one little mistake and drown themselves the word is it's the same thing as it's like the difference between the puzzle and the cover of the puzzle box nobody hangs the cover on the puzzle box on the wall because you didn't make it the puzzle i made myself the same picture your life is going to be what hashem wants it to be it could be he's going to have to make it happen it could be you could have been the cause of it but if you're not going to be the cause of it you're not going to get there so that hashem's going to do it himself but you won't get any scar you won't get any reward it won't be yours you're going to end up where he wanted you to end up but you just got there because hashem made the puzzle for you because he got frustrated waiting for choose if i want to be a your that means that if the boy doesn't seem to be sad and i end up being a russian then um it's not married to russia yeah so so so you're gonna met you're gonna want to marry the topic and you're going to find it afterwards the shot can lie to you and you'll get to russia well you're going to marry the russia because you wanted to russia and the russia's going to go for a hosting class before the wedding and he's going to get so inspired by the rabb like the next day he's going to want to go to chakras and you're going to go i'm going to watch videos i wanted to marry russia and i have gone what hashem wants is going to happen now there are many paths for that to happen it's going to end up so you guys can you could be really bad person then you get to a good place so it's such elaborate talk but these are some of the biggest studies in the world but some the the russia ends up the same place that sadiq ends up it's just the question of the journey the tsar does everything right you know two people walk into a dark cave and they want to come out of the light in the light at the end they'll give a light so you see a little glimmer of light one person goes i think there's light there are you gonna walk that way and the other one saying i don't think it's real light he doesn't want he doesn't want to go invest in that and just have his heart broken so he doesn't want to face the light he goes the other way he goes i'm going to look for something he's waiting to find something much more clearly in exit so he can run towards it without without a doubt so one guy runs towards the look so the light he starts to go a day a few days journey to get out of the tunnel the other guy is actually going it's darker and darker and darker it's going darker you know what happens eventually it gets so dark and so scary the guy who walked into the darker part of the cave eventually gets so scared he runs out in terror the guy who left to go to the light two days earlier he just feels like a breeze passing by and that guy gets out first the people who choose the dark places they get they end up in a world of tsar and loneliness and pain and rejection and they come to hashem in the end from brokenness and it's more dynamic than they are never than navera it's the secret of why it's called the eight sachayam and the it's hadasta why is it called the it's a mothers why is it called the eight zaddas favorite just make it neat and symmetrical the tree of life in the tree of death or the tree of numbness the tree of living in the tree of whatever because the answer is that there is no tree of whatever there is no tree of death when you choose hiding places there's no such thing as a hiding place the bar closes the club closes the lights go on the alcohol wears off the drug wears off then you feel lower and sicker than when you started so you get a bigger dose of drugs you get more alcohol but that wears off you feel sicker three years later you're so sick and so this and you've lost everyone in your life and all your jobs your pain is so great you hit the bottom and you come screaming out and tearing you say hashem i'm the russell save me either you walk towards the lighting walk towards the dark but both trees end in the same place there is no tree of death it's the tree of life which is the tree of life and then there's a tree of knowledge of good and evil it's when you went in the dark and you experienced the dark and the dark brought you to the light the difference between the two paths in life the path that sonic and the path of russia is is the dark place the dark tree as one myla it's not called the tree of knowledge of life and the tree of knowledge of good and evil it's a tree of life and the tree of knowledge the tree of life is just a tree of life the tree of dark good and evil is called the knowledge good and evil because the person who lived the tsar and the the rocky journey they have knowledge it's a much deeper understanding of life it's an elaborate plan it's it's a relay race this is not this is more it's like a philosophy talk now but and it's late for that but i'll just tell you the words it's very real i can make it very real but it's just it's just not i shouldn't have even gone here because it takes a long time to do it properly so i'm trying to explain a little bit trying to give a class the clarity is is that is that you have a range of hashem knows who you can become you can decide if you make the puzzle or he makes the puzzle for you it's going to get done doesn't mean that you're going to be at sadhak or russia it means that you're going to be the best that you could have been there are people who can be the best they can become and they'll it'll never be more than x so how is that all good all you'll have other opportunities life is a relay race it takes doris my job is to be the best i could be and i'm gonna come good i'm gonna get married and have a beautiful family and i'm gonna make a happy home my kids will grow up in a happy home my kids will be very secure and they're gonna start off life where i ended off so my kids will learn and they'll become huge and they'll become more confident and they're going to marry somebody better than i ever married and they're going to be the house is going to be so lifting that their kids are going to start off where they left off and their kids are going to be on fire and they're going to be that much greater and they're going to marry huge people and it's a relay race everyone starts off when we left before every door caps out and how you could achieve it's like immigrant families they they open you know chinese family you open a cleaning store and the whole family works there you make a certain amount of money and then you're able to send your kids to college the next door starts off becoming a doctor and they they have a career and they have a doctor and they start their practice the next door picks up wealth is built through dyrus everything's built through dyrus character is built through tyrus so is the experience of the whole thing as one the whole mr whole kaima of my family all the zetas and grandparents all one consciousness so we experience the slain us of history but each door we do it one person at a time and my job is i'm the next leg in the race and i'm experienced it's just but it's not just internally just in my life it's because it's i'm starting my parents live it's just of their life a family who well so then the justices so what their parents wasted all their money and uh and every and their kids got to start off with 10 million dollars from all the other parents who chip in from their hardware money that's not fair it's it's it's that's the world is a just world it's a real world your kids will start off will you leave off that's the incentive to get your act together and if you don't then your kids will start off lower and it's just delayed wonder hopefully they're going to feel the tsar of poverty and they're going to work hard and if not the next door will feel even worse their kids won't get in yeshivas because they have no connections and the achievements are cruel don't accept them whatever it