Online Kiruv Training - Jewish Misconceptions: All or Nothing

one of the concepts that can really block a person's growth in Judaism is known as the all-or-nothing syndrome and it goes like this I then repaired prepared to do all of it or I won't do anything I'm not a hypocrite so that means that if a person feels that they don't want to keep shabbos or if a lady feels that she doesn't want to cover her hair don't you say Judaism is not for me a student might feel he's not ready to be showman a gear they don't forget Judaism it's not for me so how do we deal and respond to this way of thinking so the first thing we have to understand is that really there's no one in the world who's doing everything lonas natera llamala Harris took the turtle wasn't given to angels ain't cited by Eretz a che yaar said tova loi actor there's no person even italic who does good and doesn't sin every single person is on a different rung of the ladder in that own imperfect way in fact there's only one being that's perfect and that's the Almighty God himself all of the rest of us are somewhat imperfect in fact that's why the toe was given to us we who are imperfect so that we can grow and become better Jews there's no rabbi that can turn to God and say you know what God I've done everything I finished everything what should I do now go play tiddlywinks no we're all growing doing some things well and some things that we still need to do the second thing we have to appreciate is the turret is totally one hundred percent for us it's not that when we pray and we say the great the mighty and the awesome God that the almighty that God goes you be that's me I was feeling a little down today and now let's a few more holy holy holy is now really be feeling good that really give my ego a boost we will understand that's not the cept of God God is perfectly perfect up there right doesn't need our mitzvos doesn't need anything so if the tour is not fed God Himself who is it for it's for us and every single Mitzvah that we do is totally on one hundred percent for us so imagine the following scenario you come to my class and I tell you you know what I like you people and I'm going to put on the table here 613 diamonds and I'm going to give you a minute to come over and collect some of these dark diamonds and take them home to your family to your spouse and imagine you go back to your husband or to your wife and you say you know what that was an amazing shear that I went to the rabbi pics put 613 diamonds on the table and he's had come and take them there were valuable diamonds precious stones so your husband says well how many did you bring back honey and you answer him well you know what I realized I couldn't take all 613 so I just left them so your husband says but wait a second you could have picked up 12 or 10 no problem how much would it be been worth what each each diamond was a precious gem your husband says but honey we would be millionaires why didn't you take one why didn't you take two why didn't you take five and the same is for every Mitzvah every Mitzvah is a precious gem if a person starts learning laws of lush and hara it's beautiful if a person starts praying that's gorgeous any single Mitzvah that a person does is beautiful and will benefit them in this world in the next so that's the second thing the third thing to appreciate is that growth is step by step usually those people that try to grab Torah and mitzvot is all at once and rush into it are the ones that rush out as quickly as they came in do one little thing each step is success grow is step by step one mitzvah at a time I share with you a story I was learning with a particular person in Manhattan and we were learning for many years I would come to his office week after week one day he came over to me said rabbi you know I know you think that we're not really getting anywhere I'm not keeping shabbos right but you should know at night I say the first line of the Shema on Shabbos I don't come into the office anymore he pointed to the side of his hair he said you know what I don't shave now beyond this point and in fact I even say the brother of her mote see now happened to be that he was saying a moat see at that point on everything but you got to start somewhere but the point is that step by step is the way to go imagine if I would have said to him you're not keeping shabbos you're not keeping kosher are they your hives killer this is terrible thing how do you think that would go down as a cure of approach absolutely not and we understand this with our children we understand that a child that takes his or half their first step but it's a beautiful thing if the child then falls down we don't give out child I'll whack around the face and say how could you do such such a thing because we understand that growth is step by step this is true for how we see our children how much more so when we're dealing with the children of the Almighty now here's some important point to come out of this way of thinking first of all we have to realize that it's not our job to get someone to try to get someone to become religious overnight if you think that you probably be will be Missy is you'll probably give up and forget the whole thing because it's not going to happen so quick another thing to realize it's really not us that is Makura people it is the rabona slowly all we do is put in the hitch dadless and that he stutters makes a difference whether you see the effect or not every Mitzvah that you do makes a difference to claudius role you may not see the effects immediately but the reality is that we're told ya got evil omen sati artarmon if a person puts effort in and he doesn't see a result don't believe it and it is my sincere belief in my experience that if you keep trying and you keep putting an effort you will see results the almighty will give you results it might not be exactly the way that you see it might take a long time it might actually be with a different person altogether you put in the effort you care it makes a difference to call your own don't give up the reality is when you realize it's really not you then your daven will and when you daven more you'll get more Seattle dishmaya so think one of the simple ways that you can involve someone in Judaism perhaps learning with them ten minutes a week could be a little Pyrrhic eight others or maybe cool them and share with them something about the parsha that will be insightful for them that will give them wisdom for living maybe you invite them to your shabbos table that'll be a small thing another thing would be to ask them to light candles before shabbos comes in or perhaps to ask them to pray and share with and how they can pray in their own words every night before they go to sleep it's a mitzvah of tefillah help them put up a mezuzah think of small ways that you can reach out to people and share a little bit of the beauty of judaism a simple step is beautiful it's profound it can touch a pleasant neshama and it can be the first tab to bring them back life of Turell Mitzvahs you