Rabbi Dovid Kaplan: Kiruv and Chinuch - Project Inspire Convention 2017

speaking about we're supposed to be speaking about um um and the similarities between and K that's the official that's the official title of the talk now I would expect that anybody who goes to any sort of talk or any sort of uh uh anything in life would like to know the credentials of the person you go to the doctor you want to find out that he's what qualifies them a a pilot we fail to ask but we should uh in general teachers CH uh uh your your children's teachers that' be a really good question to ask but we always like to know what what qualifies a person so um my qualifications are that and I'll tell you exactly what they are but to speak about about 15 years ago I got a call from hamodia to start writing colum so I was very you know very flattered I said to the lady well I don't I don't write she said just write the way you speak so I said okay it's much easier on the hand for sure and uh okay I got off the phone I said to my wife wow I got a call from hamia to start writing about so my wife said to me what qualifies you to write about so I said to but they're paying she said go for it okay that was that was qualification number one qu one of the biggest qualifications in the world that was qualification number one qualification number two and is the qualification number two is that um um one night uh I came home from I don't remember what it was I came into the house and I was in a bad mood and then something happened I think my one of my slippers was missing and then one of the teenage daughters said something that everybody in the room was thinking but she's the one who always says it and I don't know my room my my mood progressively soured and at a certain point they had a temper tantrum had a full-blown All-American temper tantrum and then with door slamming and yelling and all a sudden one of the kids started doing homework and the other one got into bed the other one was flossing all all the activities started all right then at about it was shortly before Marv so about 5 to 10 I had to go to Marv so I walk out of the house this is right after the temper tang and as I walk out of the house I go DAV in Mar a nice Cav dick nice Kavon dick Mar I come home after Mar my wife is sitting on the couch and I can tell she's trying to suppress a smile so I wasn't in the kids everybody's house is still quiet and I just looked at her and I said uh what's so funny she goes well after after you stormed out of the house plony or 10-year-old son at the time he said after you stormed out of house plony looked at me and he said and he writes about so those those are the qualifications the qualifications that in that I am a a parent like all parents who have uh gone through the trenches doesn't give us a chance to learn the game it's like it's like skydiving right if at first you don't succeed skydiving is not for you so if uh you know does not give us much of a chance to uh to make the mistakes or maybe that is itself that's as far as of children as far as of uh as far as Outreach I've been uh involved in or for about 30 years and they still haven't made a b Chua out of me but I've hopefully we're you know we we we try to introduce other people and the bottom line between and kiru is that is I I I rarely use the word kiru even when when educating the the uned the the uninitiated because I always feel that it's a question of Education both are a question of Education there are different ways of educating people one of the ways is one of the ways is uh some of the people need to be educated are the people who have not had the opportunity to be exposed to the beauty of Torah and then there the people who have had the opportunity and need more education whether it's gor learning yourish scholarly education then you have the people who have what they call ffbs uh which everybody assumes means from from birth uh but then again ffb sometimes means fractured from birth and therefore uh uh the job the and connection is going to be very much similar so what I say is going to involve both both areas there's a man came from Mar Isel man came from mer Isel collecting in the United States so he walks into a very wealthy man and he says to him you know I I have uh I have 12 children I have to marry them off can you help me out so this wealthy man gives him an earful says listen you know I don't approve of your lifestyle and I don't approve of people asking for money and anyway you have 12 children they're your responsibility you brought them into the world you'll have to take I'll give you 18 bucks but that's it the guy says to him can I ask you a question says yeah says um what would you what would your reaction be if you were offered a partnership with Warren Buffett wants to take you in as a partner what would your reaction be the guy says to him listen they' be very uh you know I would grab at it he says why he says listen if I became a partner with Warren Buffett there were immediate benefits and it would be very very prestigious and then people would invest with me and it would give me credibility and so on and so forth so guy says gomor says there three Partners in every child there's a father there's a mother there's a koru kesu has been our partner 12 times don't you think that's more impressive than Warren Buffett so I would love to tell you that the story ends with a guy writing him out a check for $300,000 I don't I that part I don't know the guy said well that's a great story get out that that that also might happen I'm not sure how the story ends the point is that he's absolutely right that a person has to understand that we have a with is our partner and is our partner not only in not only in our uh biological childreno is a partner in all of the children who are out there who we trying to reach and trying to affect in some way and therefore a person has to know that we have a certain and people have to be reached that's that's an and K I had a taled once who told me I asked him once how he started out this is a Booker who was at a uh came from a from home and he told me that he was uh sitting on his bed and he was eating it was about 5:00 in the afternoon and he was in a Yeshiva in ER Isel that is really uh catering to boys who are struggling and he was sitting on his bed at 5: afternoon smoking a cigarette and eating some potato chips drinking a Coke and all was on the door door opens and the M walks in the m is wearing a k and a Talis and he says to him sadal sadal today we don't eat right now it's it's called nidre it's yum Kipper we don't we don't eat now the B was not aware that it was yum Kipper he didn't know it was yum Kipper he didn't know when Russia sh had come and gone his schedule at that time in his life was to spend the nights on the beach and in clubs and all day long he slept so he had no idea the B from from home he had no idea he had absolutely no idea that Russia Shana had come and gone he had no idea was y b today is married and learning K has a family so there's nobody who we can't reach there's nobody who we can ever say we give up hope on there was a rub somewhere in New York uh um and he was living in some sort of big big apartment complex and a young lady uh an African-American comes over to him and she says to him you're you're a rabbi aren't you says yeah he says can I ask you a favor can you check my muuza so he looks at her he goes goes are you Jewish he goes no no I'm not Jewish but I have a lot of Jewish friends and they said that if you put this here muuza on your door it'll protect you so I bought one of these muas and I put on door they also said that it has to be checked a couple of times every seven years and so I noticed you're a rabbi can you check my mza so I said figures okay interesting gu say goes up to apartment right on the front door he's got a nice mza and he takes a screwdriver and he unscrews it and he takes a look inside there's nothing inside there's no parchment and he says to her you know when you bought this mza would was there something inside she goes yeah but I couldn't read them instructions so I threw them away so it's it's unfortunate it's unfortunate that in our generation a lot of people have kept the outer trappings of Judaism they thrown away the instruction manual and our job becomes that we have to uh try as best we can to teach to reach everybody and uh we give up on no one kazal say there are many different ways of teaching if we teach Torah so say if you teach a Tor a it's somebody whose parents didn't teach him somebody knows nothing if you teach him Torah makes for the person who has taught Torah to the benar there there many different ways of teaching Torah but the realization of what we're doing when we're reaching out that a person who teaches Torah to the son of to the uninitiated makes are we always asking what can we do there's this G that g the other G I think re Baron knows and anybody who comes from arel knows very well when you come to America people always walk over to you as soon as you almost there as soon as you get off the plane so what's the mat of aner Isel right everybody wants first of all you probably know better if you have Fox News you know better than we do number one you probably get the truth but but the the the the concern for gas and AR Isel the concern for what Jews are going through in America concern for all the anti-Semitism xer zeras how many for somebody who's taught Tor somebody doesn't know number one number two a person who teaches Tor if you teach Torah to somebody doesn't know you are being you are being teaches T we teach tor no great if you really love people the best thing you do isve them to Torah not only Torah whole Torah lifestyle had a high teacher in high school going a young ladies here heard me tell this story in Israel recently and the story itself Bears I had a teacher in high school we didn't like him he didn't like us he was a crude coarse xmarine with a tattoo we were terrified of him it was the only class we behaved in then didn't make a peep and he had a very annoying habit first of all when he spoke to us he would lecture Us by waving his glasses at us very humiliating have somebody talk to you with their glasses he poke the glasses at us number two he had a habit that periodically at the end of his sentence he would repeat the last word of the sentence sentence because he felt that that made him look sophisticated sophisticated and all it did was it annoyed us annoyed us so one day in a uh you know I have a pretty vivid imagination I could not make this up if I wanted to I was sitting in the front row of the class and he was handing back our test papers and as he handed back our test papers and he had this he was kind of rough he had this rough coarse way of speaking and he's waving his glasses at us and he hands back our test paper he says us gentlemen the problem with your papers there was too much repetition repetition right now you know and of course I was sitting in the front row I was sitting in the front row biting my lip off to avoid to to avoid laughing and uh it's something that's worth repeating something that's worth repeating in both cases both when it comes I'm telling you the truth honestly and I didn't do well in that class it in in in in I it is the most important lesson probably the only lesson I learned that year in his class probably the most important lesson I learned in high school there are certain things in life that that need repeating so in whether it's dealing with our children or dealing with people on the outside the bottom line is that it's the behavior of the person that is going to make the biggest have the biggest effect make the the biggest have the biggest impact on that person when dealing with other people it's almost never what we say it's either how we behave or who it is that's saying it and how it's being said it's rarely what we say that affects the person the person who's having conversation with you do we really come from gorillas or not right which is not even an issue in anybody's life anymore but for example people want to know about Evolution that sort of thing which is rare nowadays they don't the answer isn't going to affect them if they had an interaction it was a positive interaction and especially if they were sitting at your shabas table and the cougle was good and the CH was good you're probably going to see them again if you prove to them without doubt that we do not come from apes but you schmeared them in the convers they're not going to come back again it's not the what you say but let's talk about children first child was asked to uh he was a little kid in a school was asked to draw a picture of his of his family members so child draws this nice picture little boy about 8 years old N9 years old so he draws a picture of his mother she's in the kitchen with an apron draws a picture of his sister she's running draws draw a picture of his brother he's running cuz he's the one chasing the sister right he draw a picture all his family members and then he draws a picture his father is sitting in a table with a gamorra open and the windows are blackened it's pitch dark outside there's a big clock on the wall and the clock is showing midnight that's the image he has of his father the image he has of his father is a man who at midnight why the kid is up at midnight is a good question but the kid at midnight gets up and he sees his father and his father is learning that's the impression all the talk about the Kash of is it going to impress isn't going to have an effect on a child unless the child sees that the father himself is tor and the way a father's Torah is that a father is sitting and learning Torah when a child comes home true story six-year-old boy sorry not sixy old boy fifth grade sixth grade comes home says Mommy we're making a mishas the mother says that's unbelievable that's unbelievable you're making a mishas she immediately goes into the other room she puts on her shael she goes she sets the table with all sorts of Nash and cookies all sorts of stuff she says just wait for when your father comes we're all going to sit down we're going to have a seeum together then a kid appreciates the kid is he understands his mother is tor if a mother says well that's wonderful see as a great now get your mchas off the table we I don't want the living room to look like a mess then he's absorbed other lesson the mchas are good but the living room table is more important and therefore if what the parents do in the home the effect on the child in is definitely going to be we all know that anybody's been a parent for any great length of time like about 10 minutes knows that that is what affects the children children don't do as we we say children do as we do if a father has a dfom shear and a said Son to kids see him dring around in the house wait till he goes and he pulled Dre's around and he's on his phone and he's waiting till he goes and he comes back he says boy that was boring whatever it is that's a message that the child's going to absorb it wordlessly without any without any effort a mother you know the women of clell bless you all women have taken on one responsibility in the home it's an interesting responsibility the ladies have taken the responsibility of benching they are then the bench the bench Patrol so somebody did you bench did you bench Yankee did you bench yetti did you bench somehow the mothers have taken on that maybe it's because you know she's the one making the food so she wants to see somebody you know did they really eat the sign is if they bench or not I'm not sure yank you did you bench fully did you bench Mommy I didn't eat bread that's okay bench bench anyway you didn't bench yesterday I bench bench so Mommy's always benching ladies with all due respect I mean you're you're you're great there's nobody like a a mother in kly Shell did you ever watch yourself bench you know when a mother benches what it usually looks like that's usually how the mother benches and then some right so then the next day she says did you bench I can't bench why not I don't have a cell phone how could I bench you know cuz that's what he think that's what he thinks that's that's how you bench with a cell phone see he understand what you're doing in the home the kids are seeing it and we're unfortunately they're seeing fortunately unfortunately that is what's going to have the major effect in the home I think that there was a uh there was a uh um a habit they used to have there some people who when a child says a bad word so you know there there are those who wash the mouth out with soap right they wash a child's mouth out this was something that was done in the time of the Inquisition and uh and there are those who have a policy that they wash a child's mouth out was so for saying a bad word I want to tell you two things about there first of all if you wash out a child's mouth child comes in he says something and the mothers often Just Lose It Like how can you say that by it's a very big mistake because then the child knows which button to push so the next time you're alone in the house with the kids the husband's not at home the say okay everybody brush your teeth get into B the kid looks no my and he says the word and he knows exactly which that's a mistake number one number two number two if you overreact you've reinforced it you say something like you know a mench doesn't talk like that you know I can't you know a men doesn't doesn't say things like that but more importantly more importantly what the child has learned let's say he do wash his mouth out so all the child has learned is don't say bad words around adults with soap that's what the child has learned right if he's not around adults with soap he's safe but you was I got a much better idea ladies you won't do this you won't do this but it's it would work this would be unbelievable a of chabas imagine it's a of chabas you got a house full of guests are coming one of them is your mother-in-law so you're under a lot of pressure and 20 minutes before chabas all of a sudden you know you're running around doing 17 different things why the number 17 I don't know that was in the mother of my there a number my mother always used for some reason my wife uses that there's like 17 I don't know how the women got to 17 I only do 17 different like that I don't know where the number that's parenthetical so it's air of chabus 20 minutes before chabus and all of a sudden you're running around all a sudden oh no and you smell the chicken burning and you go running into the kitchen and you turn off the oven and you open it up and now the chicken sure enough the chicken is the chicken has got too Crisp Chicken has burnt and you haven't got enough time to start making new chicken before shabas what's your reaction at that moment so if you just break into the uncle MOSI unclei Gamul right okay so you're a very special person but if more likely plus you would learn listening to the tapes if you're more likely more likely that you say something doesn't have to be horrible but you actually let one go which is a little less refined than you normally are you know what you should do at that moment you want to be your children call all your children into the living room doesn't have to be done then it could be mo shabas too call them all in guys I just want to tell you something a of shabas I said a not nice word watch this then wash your own mouth out with soap you won't do it will you but it'll have much more of an effect you know why the kids will talk about it for months mommy washed their mouth out with soap and they'll be talking about it so much you have to be careful here because then the neighbors may hear about it you know you're little child in school you know you're a little you're little will tell her friend ra and ra will tell her parents and you're going to find an anonymous box outside your front door with a note you know with sari we didn't realize you can't afford toothpaste you have a big box of toothpaste out there love the neighbors so so what you you have to be careful the point is that when you demonstrate it and you do it and the more you do it the more your children are going to see that's the effect of that's what real is real is affecting through our actions is a remarkable phenomenon you find in the Torah abraam ainu take a look in say for gracious you always find ABRA ainu talking to people he's speaking to he speaks to Sora and he speaks to parro and he speaks to L he speaks to a is always talking to people there's one person in saer barus who Abu is conspicuously there is no conversation do you know who that is it's his own son y you will never find a conversation between ab and isak except for one place there's only one place where we find AB talking to is you know where that is when he's about right that's the only time he talks to him the rest of the time you never find ever a conversation with like you think that maybe he spoke to M that said they learned in Yesa together they wereas he was his re he taught him y was the first ffb in history and and and S A for birth ab and Sarah invested all the their kishkas into Eli Eli the Torah is teaching Us in the conspicuous absence of any conversation that when was it that what was the actions not a speaking was through what he did not through what he said the Torah does not record a conversation number one number two you know when he does speak to him and each time he speaks to him he says b Ben it's a term of endearment a term of affection the father shows affection to his son that's both of these principles apply when we're dealing with Jewish Outreach when it comes to Jewish Outreach there are two things that we need number one we have to teach our actions and number two it has to be that they feel we care about them Bene we care about or BT in your case Bene that we care about them as people not about their Nama we care about them as people those two are constants that apply both when it comes to family and when it comes to Jewish Outreach I'm from Chicago I probably none of you guessed based on the lack of EX there have actually been studies done by the way that have shown that the Midwest American accent is the most correct form of spoken English the studies were done in the Midwest of the United States and it's rare that I could come to look in a room full of people and say yes we are the world champions in baseball you know this has not happened in the last 108 years uh which is the gatria of Cub right KU Bas right which uh the significance which is absolutely insignificant but that's certainly something we were speaking about in any event Wrigley Field in Chicago a lot of from guys vend at Wrigley Field vendors are vendors in Wrigley Field there's a Lakewood kle in Chicago and one day a young man totally secular fry as an egg as the expression goes showed up at the Lakewood K in Chicago he walks over to to one of the r Co says hi I'm Jewish I heard thereor classes here said K but he sat down talk to the young man find out about his background you know what get get get him plugged in said to him I'm curious you know you're Jewish how did you hear about us how did you happen to end up here so he says you know what I'm completely secular but I'm a vendor at Wrigley Field and I see there these religious guys at Ridley field who are vendors and I noticed that every game after about the sixth inning regardless of what's going on they get together about 10 or 12 of them stand together and they pray and I realized these guys are Playing for Keeps if you've ever never vended I was a vendor for a little while also when you're vending there's money to be made it is so compelling that you even I thought the first time I went to vend I thought this is going to be great I could make money and watch a ball game right it'd be great the ball game didn't interest me is that interesting at when I was vending very little interest in the ball game when people are are throwing money at you all a sudden the ball game is is Trivial compared to the compared to the money he says to the guy if guys could stop vending to take time out to devote vote themselves into prey that got me very curious but the the the the cherry on the cherry on top was that one day one of the guys was given he sold somebody a Coke and the guy paid and he gave him change the guy paid him and I noticed that when the guy paid him instead of giving him a $5 bill he gave him a $100 bill and that religious kid gave him change for he said Sir you made a mistake he gave me a hundred he didn't know he gave him the $100 bill if you know anything about vendors anything about vendors most vendors like 99.99% would not do that he said if that's what Judaism teaches I'm interested I asked them where I could find out they sent me to here so here I am please teach me the person's actions what a person does now in Chicago by the way in Wrigley Field we could never it was a problem getting a minion in R Field because the you're not ding for a nce you're not allowed to ding for a miracle right but nowadays nowadays I guess that that's that's behind us right or either that or they were doing for a quick death you know I'm not sure what it was so you know that they should go down quickly in ER Israel there was a there was a uh a young man was learning in Yeshiva and uh he was completely completely disinterested Bak was learning in Yesa he had no interest I'm just showing you the difference between those who are connected those who were once connected Bak was learning in Yesa and he lost interest and he came to the r said rebbi I'm leaving the Yeshiva I don't want to be this is not for me being a bentorah it's too restricting and to this to that to the other and he left the Yesa about a week and a half later he resurfaces comes into the Yesa he sits down in the Bish he sits down with his gu starts learning like a house on fire doesn't move the sh is watching him he doesn't want to interrupt him he sees the guy the entire seder doesn't move comes back the next day and again he's sitting and learning sitting and learning by the third day the r sh is already you know so he walks over he says Y what happened to you I came in you told me a week and a half ago you said you're totally disinterested you're learning like you've never learned before what's going on he says reab I was really disinterested really disinterested and I was wandering around I was draging around we went to Tel Aviv we went to Nat we came back I was in and I was walking through the streets of gula and all of a sudden I heard a commotion I heard a tumult I heard somebody yelling and I noticed there was a seminary girl and she was yelling at a cab driver apparently a cab driver overcharged her she thought she overcharge her and she threw I saw she threw some money down on the seat of the cab and she slammed the car door shut and he took off but her skir was wearing some sort of wraparound thing that got caught in the door and he left her in a very compromised position it's one of those moments in life you're just Frozen you don't know what to do and I'm standing there I I felt it was it was it was horrific and all a I saw two Yesa B come running towards her they took off their jackets without looking at her they ran over threw their jackets on her turned around and ran off in the other direction I said if that's how B Torah behave I am going to become a bent Torah rebi I'm here I'm never going to leave then that is the behavior a person who shows demonstrates through the behavior that is all we have available to us or sorry it's not all we have it is the most important thing that we have in order to impress Outreach other people before I even I was learning in Colo my wife had a friend who became a balis Chua and this young lady was almost your stereotypical ballis Chua I just remember she came to the house and she was very robotic and uh uh she even pulled out uh her composition book at the shabas table to say at VAR voro just just very very very stiff very awkward and almost like Rah Yiddish kite and eventually one day she brought her sister back now her sister was a uh feminist anti-religious left feminist who she her sister actually said to if you want to hear a Pella her sister you've read the book that sadic in sadic in our time right have you heard of sadic now her sister said to me this is just to get us started off she said uh you know uh I read the book at sadic in our time I said yeah what you think of it she I think he's the most one of the most selfish people I ever read about I said really she go how how so it's amazing how distorted people can be I said how so she goes well you believe that every time you do a good deed you get you get you get reward don't you I said yeah he said well he did a lot of good deeds because he wanted the reward so he's very selfish and I you know there are certain things takes a lot to get me speechless you know I I I was speechless I don't remember what I said I remember what I should have said one of them was I should have just hit her with my py that's what I should have done I think it was you you know we don't know his motivation and what I really should have said was yeah you're absolutely right why don't you try it try being selfish like him yeah let's see let's see how selfish you can be you two can be selfish that's right the the the sequel to The toic in our time now you two can be selfish and I just remember that things were things were very choppy I I don't remember she was the one but I'm pretty sure cuz when she told me she was a vegetarian I think I I remember it was I don't remember if it was her somebody else a young lady said she was a vegetarian and I just innocently asked well do you eat fish and she said if it has a heartbeat I don't need it I said we don't either we kill it first right and so I think it was so we got along well we were getting along and at a certain point and I was in Colo at the time was I was and she asked me a question about yish kite I didn't you know nothing nothing too articulate nothing too fancy she asked me a question I started answering her right in front I'm sitting there with my wife and my wife and her sister just to show you how tactless was right in front of us she turns to her sister and she says why does he sound like he knows what he's talking about and you sound like a tape recorder and the answer is the answer was cuz her sister sounded exactly like a tape recorder she sounded like a tape recorder she really except that it was with that without an off switch but she sounded exactly like a tape recorder if you're going to reach somebody you can't say over something because somebody said something and it sounded good the best one of the best Expressions is I don't really know let's have some more CHT that works wonders right right they well I don't really know let's investigate it together but to present it and to jam it down their throat that never works a person who comes across as a good you've all had I'm sure you've all had guests at your homes for chabas and you've had guests that have come to your home and I want to tell you a story I was going to tell you this about say shabas uh what's today today's Friday I'm I'm a little bit mixed up came from Mar yesterday jet leg that's always a good one J I'm jet legged I'm jet legged jet lagg is much better than saying I I have a headache right nobody feels like jet legged ooh oo jet lag you know there's always certain respect for jet lag so what is today today is Thursday and my clock is off too in any event sorry oh you are listening okay repetition um a woman came to me after a talk in ay once and she said to me that she had been making she had been making shabus you know for years like many of you I'm sure probably all of you she always had a big shabas table she had friends and a guest and a friend of a friend and she had all these people at her shabas table and she already became she was in her mid-60s which is remarkably incredibly young and she was in her mid-60s and she decided to pass the torch to the Next Generation but you know she and her husband are going to start having quiet shabus now and let everybody else uh you know to do the do the guesting all right in the meantime uh or was having a shabbaton there's a little town called telone right outside y little little place called telone so or has a shabbaton and the rabbi was AR organizing it Thursday night this woman is sitting for the first time in years she's reading a magazine probably how Modia thean and uh what not to do and she was sitting there reading her magazine and Thursday night she said this was going to be her quiet chabas she and her husband and all of a sudden the phone rings that ominous ring you know sometimes there's a ring I know what ring is and sure enough it was one of my colleagues at or the B boys boys have been there already from they're going to tell us St for chabas cuz you have two boys for shabas so this woman says all right we'll start go we'll go into retirement next shabas you know okay we'll you know we'll we'll make it next shabas okay so she sitting there and she gets up starts cooking for chabas Friday 2:00 knock on the door the r arrives with the two B come in black hats jackets from boys he come in and what B looks around he says this is the house this is the house this is the house says what's your problem says this is the house I'm telling you this is the house I said what he say I got to Israel three years ago and I remember when I was in Israel three years ago completely secular completely fry and we did this weekend the shabus weekend and was some small town outside Jerusalem and I never knew the name of it I never found out the name and I remember I went to this this is the town it was tulson I never remembered and we went to this family's house for shabas I was sitting at the shabas table it was so beautiful I decided then and there that I'm going to stay in yesh become religious this was the house this was the house woman said to to me she dropped her retirement plans so ladies you know you have your guest sometimes you know chabus how successful was chabus you know all right maybe the kalas didn't float like the Anon like they normally do and maybe your husband's V Tor would have been excellent if he would have just gotten the paral right and and what do you call and and you know and it just was you know the converation was a little bit stiff a little bit still it just wasn't quite what you wanted to be at the end of the day you had somebody there you don't know what an effect you're sitting there at your shabas table we then we take this for granted you could have a college girl who's sitting at your house who's being used and abused on a college campus and she's sitting there looking at what's going on she's saying I don't know what this is about but this is what I want there's a husband who look seems to get beab his wife there's a couple here who seems to get along there are children here 16y olds are they home they should be out dooming drugs like my little brother that's what they're doing what are they doing around the table there's a 17-year-old girl who's here instead of running around who knows hefer this is what I want that's the effect that it has the actions we think we think we think people don't notice people are noticing that's the hash when it comes to kiru say I don't what time it is it's it's almost Li benching that's always the line that's just a line from home you know my wife always it's almost Li you know we got six and a half hours in three days till Li benching you know no no it's almost Li Bening listen I can say what I want my wife is 6,000 miles away right now I could get I Get Away With Murder right now she actually told me once I just just I was once preparing my gamor daily gorar I don't know why I'm telling you this I'm jetl I Was preparing my my daily gar here and uh at a certain point I walked into the kitchen and I said to my wife um you have no idea how much pressure it is to prepare a gamor Shear you don't learn gamor you don't know what it's like coming up with a Shear every day you don't know what it's like I gave her a good Jia and as usual she she just ignored me and in the middle of my Jia the Lights Went Out the black out in the house so I go out into the hallway and you know the the box I'm fiddling with with with buttons up down up down nothing right nothing after about two minutes she comes walking out she looks right past me his little button wasn't there 30 seconds earlier little button she flips the button and all the lights go on that's bad that's bad when the lights go on when a wife does that the husband that's bad and I'm just looking there I have again speechless and she looks at she goes would you like help preparing your Shear Rabbi Kaplan and she walks off into the sunset so you know there's a little little payback do over here in any event say say give him I know they made it into a song but the kazal came before the songs and t misho means there isn't a person in this room who doesn't have a talent an ability a capability to be able to affect other Jews it could be teaching Torah it could be organizational skills it could be communication skills it could be fundraising doesn't matter what it is the bottom line is that we have an A to do whatever we're able to do in order to reach out to other people there isn't a person in this room who's Potter there isn't a person in the room who say I can't you're not able to speak to people publicly speak to them privately you're not able to fund raise nobody says you have to but poter belum none of us are Potter below it has to be done properly it has to be done within the framework exactly how the Torah wants us to do it but no one has no one is able to turn around and say I am absolved from my responsibility to try to reach out to other Jews finally anytime I say finally it just means okay everybody start paying attention again I was once at a talk where the speaker said finally you know how everybody sits up and everybody everybody sits up and just kind of you know makes as if they were listening the entire time and he said finally and we all set up and he said finally we El he said finally four times and eventually he said finally finally so then he brought it in for a landing finally finally we live in a society that's making a lot of noise and I don't mean the noise down the hall with the food I mean a society that makes noise at the AEL it says that moshu said he hears the noise of the People by the AEL where K did the biggest of era MOS says he heard the noise of the people why was there so much noise at the agel why are people making noise it wasn't the noise of battle it was the noise of defeat a victory why was there so much noise at theel because at theel when you're trying to get involved in something you shouldn't be doing your rational thought is drowned out in the noise when we present Torah we presented we presented pleasantly we presented sweetly that's what's absorbed through our actions through our speech we present it nicely we present it pleasantly that's what people are going to absorb that's what people are going to remember it's something that we all have the ability to do again I emphasize it has to be done properly within the framework of Torah the way Torah expects us to do it but the same that we give our children the same example that we set in the home that's the example that we have to set on the street that's example we have to set in business that's an example that you should cause through your actions that hashem's name becomes beloved that more than anything else has the effect on those who were trying to affect should help us all that we should show them what lies in store and I just want to add one thing he gave me the one minute signal but that was three minutes ago so I'm anyway over so I'll just keep on going over one last Point very important our emphasis is to show people not what happens if you learn Torah and you become from what you're going to get in Hab show people look at the beauty of ol haah look at the beauty of a Torah family look at the beauty of a shabas look at the beauty of everything that we have here if we're successful in showing that beauty they'll have all of the in but they have they feel that this a beautiful Torah it's a beautiful yish that's our job give us all the that we should be successful in all of our efforts outward K inward K and K on ourselves shabas