Rabbi Josh Brody Redefining Reality at 9th Annual Project Inspire Convention

[Music] you know you never know forget it moving around two artists yes okay okay okay well thank y'all for coming so the story told about a politician after a distinguished life of public service he passes away and he goes up to heaven and he's standing there at the pearly gates and he sees behind you know the administering angel this wall of clocks and he says what did the clocks and the angel says these are our ligh clocks any time somebody tells a lie the hands start to move a little bit so he sees this one clock behind him that hasn't moved at all he's like whose clock at that it goes that's that's Moses clock because he's never mind he sees a clock next to it was just a little bit and he said whose clock is that says oh Abraham Lincoln's he's like twice guy says oh well so where's my clock so it's in god's office he's using it as a ceiling fan the idea of lying right it's sort of decided everyone knows it's wrong and you don't have to cuts across religions cultures everyone knows that lying is something that's wrong it's like basic decency so you would think that the Torah which is you know we know the source of all morality in the world would be pretty explicit saying not to do it an interesting Lea doesn't the Torah actually used a very interesting expression mid Varsha courtier lock which you know apologies to 613 tower Avenue you know doesn't really mean I'll never tell them they'll never tell a lie what it means is literally translated things of falsehood you should stay away from which is an expression the turret is not used by any other yes or Mitzvah fact the only other expression that's even similar is by certain forbidden relationships the Torah says I'll tick ruff don't come close to it and that are actually the Gemara removing the vomit actually says that from that specific washing you learn out that you should the humming were supposed to make certain Gaddar him to those relationships to make sure sure people never got close to those relationships but by lying all of a sudden throw he's this very strange water already think about murder stealing doesn't say stay far away from it it just says don't do it so why we should think it say don't do it so this is a question there was no crime Friedlander asks in the sips a crime so the answer it he starts he said this is an interesting idea which is he takes durab anyway oh no in shari couvreux has a very long explanation it's it goes for a couple of different chapters about the concept of lying and what it has to do with people and he actually says an interesting thing that the idea of lying because you're so dose Lynette fish if they're actually they relate to your the very essence of your soul which again it's kind of a strange thing to say you see they're all ready to just think lying or just the words that we use and in fact if anyone is saying no no it actually relates to everything that you are as a person anyway so in in in in its fourth a lack of discussing lying or vain Rihanna says that there's a certain type of person that lies what does he do he tells over a story and he'd you need to sleep changes of details and he says on the one hand and not a big deal because who's harmed by that you know telling the story of the one that got away big deal who cares no he's hurt by it I'm the other hand of a onna says his sin is too great to bear because he has a love of checker no no what does that mean you have a lot of checker so I'm feeling who looks at it and says everybody's trying to explain why would somebody telling over a story that's really not relevant to anything why whether what's what are you getting out of it so Rainey own is explaining the reason a person does that it's because it has a love of checker and again yes yes every little senses what does it mean to have a love of checker so client Friedlander says a very interesting you sowed in the concept of how Judaism look said ms and checker and we sort of think of it as just truth and falsehood it's really that's not actually accurate ms doesn't mean truth and this means reality so what does that mean so he says when you look at kids they have no problem with the concept of playing make-believe right psychologists actually say that I'm an eighteen month from eighteen months old you'll see kids already starting to play make-believe by mimicking the things that they see and if you ask a you know a toddler or a five-year-old you know what are you doing oh I'm playing cops and robbers no problem hope they'll tell you I'll tell you right away because for him that playing becomes his reality that that's I'm not I'm not a five-year-old right now I'm an astronaut so no problem they'll tell you the what he'll tell you what he's doing in fact you'll be salsa lanter used to say the anything extra sensitive with kids because if you sink a child's toy boat it's the equivalent of sinking in adults will vote because in his mind that's exactly what he has his toy boat is that that that's that's everything about him he's not embarrassed to tell you it's no problem but for an adult it's totally different right adults not gonna you know walk around pretending he's you know a cowboy right now it seemed a little weird although it's funny how it's funny you see nowadays he's like no comic convention if you walk and I'll address stop and I'll be the world's becoming a crazy place but for the most part for years nobody whatever that's not the kind thing adults would do but the fact that as adults you won't play cops and robbers doesn't mean that we don't have our own version of make-believe I'll say what I mean in my office building there's a the quantities you know like convenience store kiosk type of things you know they walk in there buy drinks and stuff and they have guys sell lottery tickets and if you live in New York or you see these suits all over the place you know these signs as like you know them mega mega millions and a lot or whatever it is has the number anytime I walk by so if the numbers are over a hundred million I'm not playing so that's not worth it after taxi so explain later after taxes it's just worth it but look buy it as a number gets bigger and bigger and he start thinking oh you know it's something 400 million I'm right that sounds great I really should I really should play and I would do it and I would immediately start thinking exactly not just how great or were you high on the lottery but with at with real specificity of what I'd spend the money on okay so the lotteries 400 million dollars okay so take after taxes it's 200 million lump sum you get 125 million dollars under 20 million dollars okay I'll I got to give a hunt you know 12 happening that was from I sir and then I'm gonna buy a plane in the house like very specific amounts but what am i doing I'm not winning the lottery right but that's that's the make-believe it's am i playing you know cops and robbers I'm not playing cowboys and Indians I'm playing in my mind that I'm gonna win the lottery and if some people know you're more than that you know the whole idea of movies and TV like what does it really do get so invested and they weren't there was a character in a movie or a TV even though it's totally not real but for them it's an escapism in some respect it starts to become real for them so when people are embarrassed over their fantasies yeah they want to do but you know when you're telling a horror story and you want to make it sound a little bit better like yeah I was involved in this thing and I you know the one that got away and it was really amazing and I'm such a great fisherman and because in your mind you want to create a fantasy that's not really you never wanna explain that fantasy but you want to sort of live that a little bit and this idea of escapism they may say what's the big deal so okay you know as Robina Yona points out what's the harm nobody's hurt by it but the fact is you have two problems with it and one is a simple one on a simple level it creates a casualness with telling things that are not true that can cause you to ultimately tell other things that are not true in a way that really does matter to people but really a bigger problem one that's actually more dangerous in terms of it how it can warp your sense of reality and how you interact with the rest of the world so a little bit an apology let's talk a little bit about Einstein's theory of relativity I'm sure everyone's very familiar with the idea is that two things that appear fixed actually or not and really how they relate to each other depends on their actual position in time in space so you have two people who are the same age you would think that they would a YouTube you'll say next I'm sorry to his eye next each other one is standing still ones actually moving at the speed of light right you would assume that those two people will actually age at the same rate because age time these things are all fixed it doesn't change but the whole point of fearless of it is this that truly actually does now the example of somebody moving at the speed of light may sound a little weird but they've been done multiple experiments with clocks in our space atomic clocks one here one matter space the one outer space actually the time moves slower because of the fact that in space everything moves differently so we've two atomic clocks you think the time is fixed right you should go the seconds a second no it doesn't work that way now okay so you may ask yourself what does that do with me astrophysicist so shawn Achor who a psychologist from harvard who has a really fascinating book I highly recommend you reading called the happiness advantage he says you take this principle it teaches you something about how our brains work which is that relativity every sense our own experience you might think it's the same thing but it actually depends on how it goes through your brain relative to what you've experienced meaning two different people can experience the exact same thing but it's totally different for each of them because of the fact that it's being viewed through their brain well when you start thinking about it that way if you start viewing the world through your own brain you're gonna view something and have a different experience in somebody else think easiest way to think about this and I heard this a lot from from Charlie Harare I guess is a plug for his book is a book coming out about a month I highly recommend it it is fantastic yeah unlocking greatness two guys sitting there watching the Super Bowl ones from New York ones from Boston this goes back about she is going to when the Giants and the Patriots were playing each other in the Super Bowl to one of them the outcome was amazing and the other one the outcome was awful worst day of his life for me I'm a virgin for Chicago mcdhh I heart Cubs fan so watching the World super Game seven of the World Series two years ago and Ira friend who's from Cleveland anyone we're lucky we're not watching it together that would I would not have gone well and we're both watching the exact same thing and for me it's one of the happiest moments of my life I thought you'd admit that but what happiest moments of my life and for my friend it's you know it was devastating but why we're both watching the exact same thing the answer is because we're not watching the same thing we're experiencing something differently through the prism in the schema of our minds so think things that you might think oh it's fixed everything should be the same in our own so the the problem is that when you live your life a certain way you're not paying attention to what's real you can totally have the wrong experience now this is a simple level of this right so I've tell the story over my son's here I shouldn't apply say but I don't you may not remember this you know what I've heard one point a client of mine had given me Yankee tickets and I was sitting in you can see them in the legend section which is like the front like two rows back remember it's like two rows back you have waiters coming to your seats they I mean it's about there's a restaurant underneath with a a full kosher section it's like an unbelievable thing and I took my kids cuz I can also be critical experience until I realize after the fact that I think now they're gonna think every time we go to a baseball game we have to be sitting in those seats why because that's what they experience into them baseball games mean I mean definitely they they got over it baseball games mean sitting in the you know front row with waiters coming your seeds bringing you drinks kosher food everything you could possibly want that's that's not reality but we know they sat there but yeah but that's not the way real life works and so what you're finding is this idea that the things that you experience and the lens through which you view the world that starts to find what your own reality is it's really interesting study that was done in the psychological surgery but I said it in the Journal of communication and said the people that watch less TV are better judges of character and better judges of life's rewards and risks and by the way the TV they were talking about was the evening news right you would think well but because in fact is the news gives you a certain perspective on the world because that's what they're feeding you and so if you're wrong all you're watching is that you think oh I know I'm well-informed I know what's going on in the world I should be really good at judging lives rewards and risks and no no you have it backwards because you're only getting one little portion of what life is all about from the news and I was really crazy is you might think okay so maybe it's a few prolonged exposure to this type of stuff that's what's gonna cause the problem but it's actually really really the impacts on the brain are actually very quick so there's actually a very recent study that came out in the Journal of evolution and human behavior from who was you know the beginning of this year actually that they took people it's kind of a weird study I know psychologists companies studies I don't know where they do it they him with this study they took a group of 50 men and 50 women and they showed them pictures of the opposite gender and ask them would you want to have a short-term relationship with this person a long-term relationship with this person or no relationship and obviously it's a little bit not such a great study because the fact it's just based on looks but everyone gave their answers the next thing I did was they expose they showed these people over a course of a minute or two pictures of fancy cars mansions and cash and then they show them the exact same pictures they'd seen previously and the desire to have a long-term relationship with down by 20% because now there are suddenly exposed to things that don't have real long long-lasting Keele it's just you know cars and cash and all of a sudden I interested in long-term relationships when they showed them pictures of children the opposite effect happened they had you know 28 for an increase in in long-term in desire for long-term relationships no men women no day it was he partly making about the study is when the scientists actually started it they had any intention to see if there was any different how women and men viewed this stuff and there's no difference it's really it's regular a little bit frightening because the idea that you could have this quick exposure to something that's not real and having this impact on you you don't study it's it's changing the way your brain views the world and I mean I think that part of what was happening here is this is what the Torah is telling you with Midrash records your clock telling you not to lie yeah that's easy you know the Torah can source say it easily but the lesson is much broader than that and much more complex it is you have to stay completely distance yourself and stay away from anything that's false anything that's not reality anything that's fantasy you can't have anything to do with it because the second you get exposed to it if you're not prepared to recognize it for what it is it can have this crazy impact and how you viewed the whole world yeah so one of these things where I was talking to a friend this goes back a number of years I was talking to a friend who was telling me that his daughter was was dating and trying to understand whether you know what what her interests were in terms of what she's looking for and a husband how she thinks and she's looking for and the answers that she was giving him he said we're like a little frightening to him because he's like not sure and you realize like because maybe she's too this girl's been exposed to you know romantic comedies and TV and things that just gave her a completely warped view of what real life is and the figure and again because of the fact that it's so easily applied it's the the Torah uses this unique washing of tear hook to stay far away from it because the second you have this impact on you it's it can really ruin the way you view the world now part of what's interesting about this is understanding understanding about the the lens through which we view the world so it just as an aside Martin Seligman was viewed as one of the mounted that the founding fathers of positive psychology he explains that the way the human brain works is humans are unique in the animal kingdom in that they only view the future you know psychologists used to think that it was always about the past like you just lay down on the couch and they fix the college would say you know so how was your mom how did your mother treat you guys up and that's they learned that's not really what it's about humans are always focused in the future treating depression for example has changed and that they've started to really focus on trying to get people more positive about the future because that's where they spend most of the time thinking except with the one exception in that it's all about the future but it's being viewed through the lens of your past so you want to fix things yeah I need to get more positive about the future but if you want to actually address it you still need to understand the lens to your view what you're viewing it all right when I first learned this idea I thought it was kind of interesting in that you're seeing that again if you understand taking her behind Freelanders explanation no that's what this you sowed of Midgar Shakur tailhook really means it but it's all about the brain but what about on the Shama why is it why is the focus on the brain you would think there's a neshama is really where a lot of the work is supposed to be taking place in terms of figuring out how to make yourself a better person and then I I came across this one bond who's is something really fascinating all these short lines if you happen to be paid looking closely at it otherwise they would for sure what I missed it so I bought impartial special off talking about the money everyone when you're a little kid already you've learned about this idea that the Mun could taste like whatever you wanted it to taste like and the ROM bond explains that the reason that that worked is because the agitation that somebody had it really came through their brain but the Mun is actually something that it was a food that was purely spiritual so somebody who was really spiritual could make it taste like everyone is with a combination of neshama and brain and he uses this line Qian nefesh from our shop bakka Bella Union your neshama your nefesh the way you connect up to hashem is through the thoughts so even though it's your neshama but there's this connection between your neshama in your brain that is what helps you actually connect to our cottage bar whoo so if you so I mean I think that's what he means that really the two things do go together and how much the difference is between your brain which frankly is physical and your Sun which is totally spiritual whether not your neshama lives here or looks here I mean that certainly is couldn't be part of it but from a practical perspective this is idea hub if you don't have control over your thoughts your ability to connect Hashem is going to be completely warped and that's and then and it just won't work properly now the thing about this is that it's a little bit depressing if you think it because you know all the things we've just been talking about our how experiences that you have can warp your sense of reality and sort of lack of a better word ruin your your relationships in the world where I didn't be the story of a girl or if your view of a relationship to husband and wife is based on movies you're gonna have a completely mistaken impression of what husband and wife relationship was supposed to go same thing with you know your kids or coworkers anything you expect if it's not based on reality it's not gonna it's not gonna work right which makes it sound as if or everything we have to be doing is just protecting our brain but we know that generally what kind of sparkle runs in the world is it me to tourism Aruba so cutter Sparkle gave us something that has tremendous danger to it there's got to be a positive aspect to it as well and the question is what exactly is that positive aspect so again I call out these ideas which are from Charlie's book but it sort of starts with somebody named Robert Rosenthal who was a psychologist again from Harvard it seems of other good psychologists come from Harvard psychologists marver back in the in the 70s and he had this idea that Brent your brain could actually help define who you are so he did something again the psychologists come with crazy experiments he went to a school in California and he went to a few different grades and he told the teachers I have this test or something called blooming intelligence that I can determine whether or not a child is going to become smart so I want to administer this test so he gives in this test and he basically tells help tells the teachers each grade these are the kids that are gonna be smarter next year the only problem being was the test was totally made up you just picked random kids and he came back a year later to see what had happened and lo and behold and every single one of these this is all of the kids that he picked and it up rise into the top of their class regardless of where they've been previously he was couldn't understand it so we well I and I missed one real one little detail the prior test that he gave him was a standard IQ test so here II gave them the IQ test the following year and between the lower grades in the and the older grades the average IQ went up between 4 and 12 points in a year he was floored what happened didn't tell the teachers what he actually did didn't tell the students all he did was he told the teachers these kids are gonna get smarter and as a result the teachers treated these kids somewhat differently and the kids picked up on it and they actually started they actually got smarter which is part of part of what's crazy is and partly reason people thought Rosenthal was a little wacky some of his ideas was because up until that point people assumed that IQs were fixed and could never change and here you have somebody who just proved they don't know kids they get smarter within a year no special training there were no obvious different treatment everything was very subtle as an aside one thing was very sobering to me was that as a parent you really learned that when you're dealing with your kids positive reinforcement even just little amounts can be understand I actually you know Institute this at work with people work for me I've realized that if you just give them positive feedback and in the right way they will do better work because they they do your parents ever tell you oh you can do it I know you can do it you know if they mean it and you start to believe it you can do it and that's what Rosenthal started to learn is that we think that reality shapes our minds but in fact the opposite is true our minds shaped reality and the people that we think that we could be we actually can become that and because we love the tendency to view themselves like this happens it with lawyers all the time right oh I am a that I can't die I can't do math I'm not a math person I'm math person because in my head I'm not a math person I can't do that and whatever it is in limitation that people have in their lives a sort of self-imposed because even if somebody has a you know totally healthy relationship everyone around them just I'm certain things that good at them so why would I even bother but the fact is it within your mind you have the ability to change these things and Rozsival really prove this so one of his students lash colleagues woman named Ellen Langer who decided to take it to a completely another level and some of this stuff is a little bit crazy she did this experiments to see how far Rosenthal's theory could actually go in terms of how much the mind can change you can change things about a person so and there's a few of them so the first one that I find that the funniest is should a group of old men in their 80s and she split them into two groups the first group she took to this you know hotel Hotel Motel type of place and they were pampered they had people waiting on them and they were there for a week and they were there for a week in this hotel and everything was you know they they showed signs of being more self-sufficient by having people wait it was an interesting idea and of itself the second group however she brings the following week and she has the hotel retrofitted to look like it's 20 to 25 years earlier she has clothes made for them that are old her clothing the TV's only showed old old TV shows connection like magazines that were put out from old years and she told everyone pretend that it's 25 years ago only talk about what's happening they know what say was happening 25 years ago and a week goes by and something amazing happens all the men start showing signs of their aging frankly reversing hair started to regrow their arthritis start to go later Lin started to elongate she took pictures of them at the beginning at the end and she showed the picture the pictures to people but no D what the experiment was and says here's two people these people look the same you know she's like well yeah this picture look this guy's you know 20 years younger what one week and by the way here's what's really crazy about it these guys knew that it was a fake but it didn't matter their minds pick up picked up on the idea that they were fake that they were pretending was 20 years younger and their minds adapted crazy right she did another one where she took a group of hotel chambermaids and she to do it was two different hotels and she went to the first group and said she's interviewing them about their day and she had a mr. group but she said you exercise and the response across the board was now who has time we don't exercise I said okay thanks brings next group in and asks in the same question and they say the same answer well who has some exercise and she said what do you mean you're exercising a whole day and she had statistics showing you know you're walking X number of miles a day by walking down the halls you're pushing X number of weight because you're pushing the cart you're bending over to change the sheet so here's all these things that you're doing you are exercising okay and they left come back a forget it was it was how long it was a month later she came back and every single one of them had it was an average weight loss of like you know two to four pounds blood pressure went down they should all the signs of having it changed their exercise but she controlled with every single one of them not one of them changed their habits but all of a sudden their minds picked up on this idea that hey I am exercising and change and a physical change on impact on who they were just one last one else I I love this one she was trying to test for eyesight and she took a group of students from the art from Howard to me one second from the art from who since we from the ROTC you know in college people who are like pre like pre military and she tested their eyesight and she took kept track of you know that I charts as you go down because you kept track of it and so what the lowest no and there's a last line that nobody could read and she took them in two groups the first group she put into a regular flight simulator that didn't actually move the second group she put into a real flight simulator they weren't flight jumpsuits and they actually were you know flying at one point in the you know one things if you want to be a pilot you got to have perfect eyesight and so everyone that was pretending to be a pilot at one point in the flight simulator a plane flew in front of them and it had letters and on the plane the letters were the size of the lowest line on the thing every single one of them was able to read it because then I'm a pilot now pilots have to have perfect eyesight the idea that you're anything is vision you think about we all often assume that vision is just essentially or you see things but it's not our vision is our brains processing the light reflection is coming through our eyes and I just want to mention others what I think this part frankly I saw this and I didn't believe it scientists have created a machine I don't know the way to describe it that it's glasses that somebody wears but they have it has receptors that sit on the person's tongue and it enables them to actually see because even though your brain your eyes don't work somebody's blind but the fact is they get the same photoreceptors and your brain adapts to read the information through your tongue actually you see you can't see like like you was healthy can see but you get this ability to see shapes and outlines because your brain is actually processing the information okay so you know I wonder thing all L mentioned I can go and go any stories for four months you ask somebody like well how long do you think you could hold your breath for a minute two minutes three minutes you know people with some extreme breath holders you know seven minutes the the world record for holding your breath is about 24 minutes yeah so there's a group of people in Norway actually has a guy like a sleep apnea team it's strange the sounds that they practice holding their breaths and they've trained their minds to override the signals that you get the you don't have the right mix of oxygen and carbon dioxide in your brain that enable them to keep keep to keep going without any problems things that you think are impossible your brain can actually completely overcome them and it's just a question of figuring out how now so the problem of course is or sure you're sitting you're hearing this thing wow this is wonderful stuff okay but so what do I do with it like how do you take this information and access all the power that your brain has because it's not just about this anywhere we started before it's not just the out trying to see and make sure your brain doesn't isn't exposed to things they're gonna warp your sense of reality because you know what defines reality you do whatever it is you want your brain to do your brain will do it it's just a question to figure I had I access it so I think that there's two different ways to think about how to access your brain in a way that's going to actually give you the ability to overcome some limitations that we think me impose upon ourselves now again I I will preface I'm about to say with just the thought that there's no quick fix to be able to access the power that your brain has it takes it just it takes work but there's a way to to really just not just flip it nuts well how do you think I flip a switch but to start with the steps that will lead you there so there's two different wait two different ideas but they don't totally relate but they can overlap somewhat so we go off and think that well if I had great abilities I could accomplish more if I only had this amount of money and if I only had this amount of self-control and if I only had this amount of whatever it is that you think is what you're missing in your life then I could do more I'm not gonna be the person that's gonna start this organization I'm not gonna be the person that's gonna help accomplish this because it's not me I can't do it so my favorite Rashi in all of Torah and all Kamisha tourism partials by you gosh where it's right at the beginning to you Huda steps forward my gosh I love you whoever steps forward to Paro and he starts telling him all these things he says he cometh like a prob you're like Paro so Rashi did something very interesting he has four shot him as to what exactly it means when he says he cometh the Caparo the first three basically are you know I got a sparrow holes gonna punish you you try he's takes ARRA the last shot that he gives is really frankly it's I love it it gets me all excited he says he'll hook up he come off like a power what does it mean you're like Paro if you keep upsetting me I'll kill you I'll kill Paro it's a wonderful thing that gets you know a lot of Jewish pride about you know strong Jews right but I understand you who don the brothers we're basically getting abused by Yosef up until this point they were constantly know what to say he was easily choosing the flying they couldn't even you know effectively respond what is rocky getting it from they all of a sudden you who was stepping up and making this crazy threat then I'm you know keep it up yo say if itself that's been a half keep it up and I'm gonna kill you I'll kill Paro - it just seems a little bit crazy so I think that you know I'm assuming that Rashi kind of had everything that Robert Rosenthal figured out forget a little bit earlier this idea that when you take responsibility upon yourself and you know you have no choice but to do it you access that part of your brain that says it gives you the abilities you need to do it what changed up until this point in time before last time they were in front of you Oh safe and now well only one thing really was that you who told Yaakov I will bring him back so after they get caught with Yama having his look team you have stolen the the Gavita and they went to in front of yo save you who said I've got no choice now and Rashi said you know what you was telling you I was telling you no save look man it's on me and once it's on me I'm going to fix it and I don't care what I have to do so this concept of taking responsibility even when you think you can't necessarily do it gives you the ability gives you the iose then I cut it you know you can look at it metaphysically but as Runkle gives you the additional carry you didn't think you had previously but even just a physical perspective this idea that I shouldn't you're gonna be able to get the power and the abilities that you already have and access what's in your brain that gives you a power to accomplish things and sheep things you never thought you could so that's number one you know this is interesting I uh one of the the JWR P men's trips that I do that artists role so we get to meet with soldiers often and one of the things that we heard we were sitting with some soldiers one of this one officer was telling us that this expression in the Israeli army it's a lie a lie on me if you're he says if you're sitting in a meeting with your office with officers and some of you trying to say who's doing what if you say a lie nobody will question anymore that you will get it done because you said a lie it's on you what do you what do you do if you're not no no because you said it you're gonna get it done and whether they're thinking about it from a psychological perspective or not but the reality is when you take on this responsibility you get an extra ability you managed to figure out a way to make it work though the last thing that I think again and this is a little more practical in some respects so the way our brains work in terms of thought process our brains are made up of millions of brain cells and when you have a thought these the synaptic nerves fire and connects the two parts of two tube cells in your brain so things that we do easily the brain creates a stronger connection so I can you look at this thing over here and it's a chair you'd have to think about it you know it's a chair why because your brain has gotten cut used to the concept of chair and it immediately looks at it and just it gets it and the same is true if you have for example someone like you know who may have a temper why do they immediately fly off the handle even things that are seem totally unreasonable because in their brain when things don't go the way they want the synaptic connection between those nerves and those brain cells about I don't get my way I get upset is very strong and before you're the logical part of your brain telling you you know who cares can kick in it's too late and that part of the brain is already has already kicked in to create stronger connections in this expression and neurons that fire together wire together fire together right that the more you do it the stronger the connection gets and there's constant what well so notes but it's a great quite no that's a great question and so part of the way that and instead the bottommost are talk about this in terms of little things that when done over and over and over again make it much easier to do it's simple repetitions and it's always because of the fact that you're trying to create synaptic connections within your brain if you do something that's very very difficult say I'm gonna you know I'm gonna get up every morning at 4 o'clock in the morning go to the gym for it for two hours yeah maybe you'll do it the first few days but then it's gonna stop when you know it's Thursday morning and you're up late the night before and you know you're tired but if you want to be able to actually accomplish it say oh you know I'm gonna get a 5 minutes earlier and once you start doing that in but unless you usually talk about this idea of something really requiring 90 days of serious repetition but if it's something small the connection starts to grow and solidify and that's really the simplest way to think about this in terms of okay so I have something I want to do isn't they look like dieting right you know if you wanted okay I'm that's it you know it's after Pesach and I you know a horse and I got a you know I got to get back on the wagon so it's you know no problem so the first day your great because the problem and you've you're hungry I stay strong second day maybe maybe also by you know three or four days later it's like okay enough piece of pizza for lunch right because I'm just the way it is because your brain you can't create those synaptic connections because you're doing something that's too difficult but if you take out something small and you start to slowly build the connections in your brain and it solidifies that becomes the new normal yeah it's funny my um to say someone that I know decided that she decided she was only eating chocolate which to me was just crazy I wouldn't do that right but she said no I don't eat chocolate and day after day after day after day she just I know I just don't eat chocolate who ever did anything else I'm not even chocolate and she got a certain point where she doesn't eat chocolate any does not eat chocolate why doesn't want to she says everything for her and doesn't matter what it is I don't eat chocolate why because she just worked at it and created the connections in the brain now that's the you know same where I said Sheriff she says I don't you drop it so it won't happen overnight but the reality is there goes her to go back to where we started the idea of Midrash Eckhart earhook it's all about the way our brains work and if you want as a REM bond said if you want to connect talked out of rock on the right way you have to do it through the vehicle of the thoughts that you have and creating positive thoughts you know you think positive and positive things happen yeah that's right it's exactly what happens you think positive positive things will happen and so I just end with this idea that you know a brothel for all of us that if we really spend the time to really focus our brains properly we help us not just connecting Tosh n but also connect them to to everyone around us and making our lives happier and better thank you for coming