Rabbi Akiva Tatz - Journey to the self

[Music] when I walked in and I met my tats he asked me these all members of your shawl and I said well there's some members of my shul some members of other shools a lot of graduates of the Emmett program here in Kew garden hills and then every rothenburg walked in he said this is exactly what I love to see all of course all coming together in one room one roof coming to learn Torah this is of course the week of I you can show me show me a guitar class all getting together all for the purpose of cabal sitar for Lima datura what a wonderful wonderful way to celebrate this upcoming partial Shavua of cabal cetera and so without any further ado I want to first introduce Rabbi Akiva Ruttenberg and Emmet outreach which I'm sure many of you already know and some will get to know Emmet at which is a wonderfully dynamic Kiev organization in Queens growing exciting programming they learn we work with young adults young couples families it is really truly a treasure of Queens and cue garden Hills we're fortunate to have them here in our neighborhood and I want to thank and ask my tats Rabbi Ruttenberg first to come up and to share some words of introduction before calling on our rights hats good evening everyone first of all a big thank you to rabbi Marcus and young Israel for partnering with us in this event last year we had the opportunity to bring rabbi Jacobsen my way Jacobsen I says just as I said the name I see a lot of smiles on people's faces and there was a moment Friday night I don't know if you remember if you were here there was a moment Friday night where was it was our first community Shabbat own that Emmett had done and so we had a lot of different components and pieces going on that Shabbos and rabbi rabbi Jacobsen somehow there was was he had his schedule but he and he was supposed to come speak here Friday night and the shoe was packed but somehow someone with a host but he was staying at told him they'd supposed to go to a different place and he wasn't here and I came here and he wasn't here so Gavin Barth and right at the end of Marv the president got up over here to speak and I think during Mars people were looking in the sitter and then looking behind them to see it from my Jacobson would walk in and right at the last minute the president says I guess we're a Jacobson's not going to be coming and that moment the doors opened up and just in the nick of time and then you're a Jacobson spoke again here on the third meal and we hope there's other Shem in the next few weeks to do another Community Shabbos I just want to just share with you just a few really quick points you know a very special shout out to all the Emmett students and alumni who are here tonight Emmett is an organization that's really not an organization it's really a family it's organization that cares very very much about our students and about teaching Torah obviously strong loving each and every Jew and that starts its relationship with the students on the college campuses and continues many years afterwards as they start families and get married and I want to give an introduction also to my Xavier Robin machete mache ever benissa Mashav who works together with me with me in making this all possible and we just began a new program you may have seen in the newspapers about this a program called torah connect and torah connect is our newest initiative which creates an opportunity for people within the community to learn with Emmet students with our alumni and with others in the community and this program takes place Thursday I'm sorry Wednesday nights for women in ycq and for men starting tomorrow without the shell taking place in in Forest Hills and Baker real and forrestal's if you like information about this program you can find it on our website and that outreach dot org and you know what one of the principles that the organization really stands on is the idea of obviously strong and often in life we look at different people and we make boundaries and we say this is this kind of person that kind of person based on where you come from and all different differences and we believe very much that Emmett that it's not about the differences but it's about what we have in common and we have so much so much more in common than we have in differences and when you sit across from somebody and you learn torah with them all the differences fall fall to the wayside so we're very excited about this program and if you'd like to be a mentor in the program well you know someone that would want to be a mentor want to be part of it please reach out and now further do I like things just quickly introduce Rocky the tats um it's really is good to have everybody tats hereby tats is a scholar who teaches Torah all around the world he lives in London now and both as a doctor and as a rabbi and his whole persona of of giving over true Torah without any any strings attached and just clarity and and it's such a pleasure just to be in his presence we actually had the opportunity today at our office our headquarters is in Jamaica states like a hundred and eighty fifth Street in Jamaica States on the second floor and Rabbi tats spent the entire day today from 12:30 and film out meeting students one-on-one meeting students and I said do you need brakes he said well it breaks give me more give me more students it really is a hook to have a rubber test here and if you like additional classes where they test is a great website called simple to remember that has I think about a hundred of his topics so thank you very much for my test [Applause] [Music] you know I'm gonna put this finger with you okay first of all thank you very much for this opportunity to to come to your community and to learn some torah with you i hope you find it practical and interesting as well Thank You rabbi Marcus thanks to a rittenberg for this opportunity to come to Queens and work like a slave I was asked to speak about the practical subject of defining one's role in life how do you work out what it is that is unique and different about you how do you help children teenagers figure out their own uniqueness there's a critically important subject we're going through a generation that is losing interest rapidly maybe that's not true among your children but the Jewish world today what we call the from world the Orthodox world the observant world people are falling off a lot of adults are going through the motions and when you question them or you speak to them on a deep level there's an emptiness and a lack of motivation young people today we find them distracted by gadgets and technologies and media it's much harder than it used to be for a young person to be dynamically attracted to Torah and to learn it for its own sake the glitzy world of the media or soap is so powerful we have real real problems in this area maybe that's not the case here it is yes no anyone out there one of the solutions to this problem is to help young people identify what is unique and different is special about them when they feel that just part of a match they make no difference that's very demotivating when they feel that they're uniquely important and the universe centers on them that's a very powerful motivation so it's critical to help young people discover what is different and special about them an educational system find that's very hard to do when you're dealing with the class of many students is very hard for the teacher to bring out the individuality of each child but that's essential that it has to be so let's examine the subject of defining one's unique role there's someone who had a switch off the air conditioning is it possible that if it's not don't don't worry I'll speak loud it's fine but you can just switch it off it'll make it easier will this help you want me to use it is that better it makes it better you can hear better it's good yes ok so let's do this on 2 in 2 layers if you if you agree let's talk about the theory what is the theory about the part and the whole what's a Torah approach to the uniqueness of every part of the universe and then let's change gear talk about the practicality of how you discover your own special personality and role in the world and how you give that to students and do to to children teenagers let's do it in two in two stages so first of all it's important to know that the Torah perspective on this is that every part of the universe is designed to be unique and special there's nothing that's dispensable right when they build machines or they build cars in Detroit or ever they build them they don't throw in nuts and bolts that are not necessary and we hope they don't leave out parts that are necessary either therefore every part of the universe is absolutely uniquely necessary thank you appreciate it that's the theory so yes let's understand how this how this works you know that perhaps the easiest way to see this through the misconception many people think that being religious means that you need to be a cloned copy of everyone else and you could be forgiven for thinking that after all we have similar uniforms I guess in one way or another thank you I appreciate it we have similar uniforms similar behavior patterns in fact an interesting thought is this if you were to design a system of making people robotic mindless clones I ask you draw me up a document that people could follow that will make them absolutely mindless copies of each other you'd probably come up with a show Canora why because it is very closely normative in your fund in Jewish law a procedure for the first thing you think when you wake up in the morning the first thing you utter the order in which you cut your fingernails the order in which you tie your shoelaces any psychologist would look at a document like that and say this is going to produce people who are completely mindless you disciplining every flicker of a movement every thought every word not virtually you'll find in the code of Jewish law behavior from the moment you born to the moment you die from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep how you lie down in bed you know that you're supposed to lie down in your rights I don't know when you're left from the details of marital intimacy to the details of how you clean yourself in the bathroom there's no room left for any individuality it would seem and yet that mechanism is designed to bring out a flaming individuality first of all the proof of it is that you see that great exponents of Torah the great Torah Minds to the generations that have meticulously followed those rules but with narrow precision turn out to be dynamically different so different in fact that the arguments between them can get violent you see the great toe reminds our minds of tremendous original thought my own Rebbe from Russia Shapira one of the greats of the last generation was absolutely meticulous about everything and yet did a radically original mind it's interesting to ask how that happens and I think the solution is this I think the solution is that the fact that you do things that are correct turret documents and defines every action every flicker of a gesture to get it right has to be right but on the other hand it has to be you're you know maybe an analogy would be that if you have a great piece of music a great musician playing a great piece of music written by a great composer that musicians incompetent if any royalties play any note is played wrongly they're not safe they bleep read exactly but there's no question that it's their unique music any expert listening to a musician a classical piece of music we'll know it's uniquely that musicians music not only that every time the same expert place the pieces will sound different as well in proportion to their newfound maturity and newfound development and the reason of course is that there's a unity between the music and the musician it says Baha'i Okanagan Hammond again the simple translation is where the musician played the cabbalistic translation which is always more accurate is when the musician became the music but has to be you once as a teenager I had the experience of listening to Arthur Rubinstein one of the great happened to be Jewish one of the great pianists of the last generation unbelievably talented after the concert someone asked him what's your favorite piece he said the one I'm playing it has to be uniquely your music and therefore there's an interesting paradox the notes are played with a meticulous precision and yet it has to be yours when you double the words have to be perfect and you want to say those words those were written by the greatest composers of all time as nefesh acclaim explains every word in the sitter is that filler is a composition of sublime and cosmic power but has to be your villain of course you want to sell your own stuff funny at the end you can put in your owns and you should as well a great musician will play in classical music the notes are written and then there's a little piece that says cadenza cadenza means you play your own stuff it's usually terrible compared to the Bunya do your own stuff as well you want to say you want fillers by all means but when you are saying the words that are written and when you live in a Chicano rock you're living a symphony which is your notes it's your it's your expression of those notes and it has to be exactly the correct notes but it has to be yours and if of course we want you to do the actions correctly those are the right actions if you play a note incompetently a wrong note you destroy it so you play the notes correctly but it has to be yours and therefore it's a terrible mistake in the ball sugar world right the people coming in for the first time then look into the religious world from the outside it looks like a robotic set of copied clothes they have to get the idea sooner or later that you're not here to be the same as everybody else you here to be uniquely different so that's the important that's the important background Theory you know it's very interesting we resonate with two different levels of reality we resonate with it with a level of reality being individuals in psychology that's called the lone ranger syndrome men have this problem much worse than women by the way it's a man's problem the hero that does it all on his own you know there's the last minute in the inner match and they call needs to be scored it doesn't all on his own defeating the enemy team and his own people getting in the way women don't have those fantasies but anyway that's a man's issue on the other hand we also resonate with a group dynamic for example where you watch an incredible gymnastic display or a dance display or an aerobatic where all the parts fit together and if you participate in those things it's very exciting very exhilarating and you think psychologically that would be problematic you've disappeared as an individual you meshed into something greater than the sum of the parts but it's very thrilling and the reason is because your individuality smells too the proportion of the whole of the whole system I had the experience of being in an army I lived in a country people were drafted and before becoming an officer as a medical officer I had to be a soldier and you learn to March and you march in a battalion you know with great precision and there's something very interesting happens to your emotions and your psyche when you're marching with 10,000 people in perfect precision first of all you lose all sense of exhaustion you could keep going the rhythm keeps you going and you have a sense of expanding to the to the proportion of the whole mass it's very interesting and on the other hand your individuality is threatened by that I'll never forget the experience of the months and months of learning to do this parade with great precision there was a public display like before you become an officer you have to participate in this parade and the public is invited to watch you and your own parents I'll never forget marching for us the grandstand you know thousands of people and amazing temptation you chose my feet of course they shoot you immediately but it'll be worth it your mother will see you you know so we have these two currents of energy we want to be the Lone Ranger do it ourselves and yet there's a great thrill and the psychological depth here the cabbalistic depth is that every unique part of the universe is necessary and it swells to the proportion of the whole you know rubbed ester puts it in an incredibly perceptive way puts it like this it's a masterpiece of presentation of this subject he says there are three levels of order in the world Seder the first he calls Seder the shame Seder that the world is symmetrically disposed it can be described by the mathematical physics and chemistry the world is an exquisitely organized an ordered place I'm not talking about the world of human activity that couldn't be a bigger mess in case you hadn't noticed and talking about the world there are sham created and we resonate with that we have the pattern of that order in our minds we have a sense of symmetry an order how do you feel about the order of the universe it depends how you feeling inwardly let's say you find yourself in a very symmetrical environment you're on a journey clickety-click clickety-click clickety-click how do you feel about that rhythm and that symmetry depends how you feeling inwardly if you're at peace harmonious churning to a longed for destination that rhythm is wonderful you hear all sorts of Cadence's our music in that but if you if your journey to a feared terrifying destination that sound drives you crazy and the reason is the inner disharmonies being mocked by the outer harmony what's fascinating to note by the way I'm sure you're all students of culture and art and music and all that you know it's very interesting that if you examine the art and culture of Western society over the last few hundred years you see a fascinating progression from order to disorder very very interesting you know there's a theory that the art of a generation of the art of a culture tells you about its spiritual reality and what's very interesting if you trace all art forms over the last few hundred years even couple of thousand years you'll see them progress from incredible symmetry to total disorder at it's fascinating that it cuts across all all systems for example if you take if you take Greek Greek drama for example so a Greek drama it's absolutely material and he has certain rules a tragedy has certain rules stylized precision and as you move through the history of drama today you have asked what's called Theatre of the absurd right waits with you know one famous modern play consists of two garbage cans on the stage every now and then the lip pops up a head comes out and says something existential and godlike that's the play right music right you go back to to BA sixteen hundred's music absolutely methodical mathematical then you move into classical music which is freer but very organized romantic music Beethoven's later period much freer then you get into modern and postmodern music which is completely one modern composer composes by putting his cat on the piano and sticks it with a pin while the cat tries to get off the piano people listen to the music I'm not kidding you the most famous modern composer was a man called John Cage he wrote the most famous piece of music in his life it's four minutes 33 of silence and there's famous recordings I'm not kidding you we're Stravinsky's first atonal piece was played in Paris the audience try to kill him right the police that escort him out people were so offended today that's normal poetry go back to Elizabeth Elizabethan poem right it goes to Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada Dada today people are bored with it today the poetry has no rhythm in a rhyme no spelling no meaning architecture used to be very symmetrically tried today it's gonna be painting there was a time when a painting of a bowl of fruit used to look like a bowl of fruit today the fella throws a can of a result of paint he gets his cat to walk around on the canvas and any cells into the Metropolitan Museum for a million dollars sculpture look at Greek sculpture you can see every sinew in every muscle today it's a palette and Karen's welded together what's a fellow standing on one foot they situation art when he gets tired he stands on the other foot that's the sculpture anyway that's very interesting we have a theory that the pre messianic world will be a breakdown of order what does it say about the consciousness of a generation that wants to see a symmetry anywhere that's aside of observation but the concept is that there's a system of order then oDesk that says there's a higher system of order that's God Satan ashamed tights yourself which means order for the sake of the the result for example the index to a library you use the library because there's an index right so there's a seder imposed on the parts which assembles them and that enables the system to be used here by the way in Torah learning we are more concerned about the order than about the material what you want your child to learn to become a powerful student is an organized system of wisdom not the facts not the details but the organizing principles wisdom consists not in knowing the details but a knowing the laws that hold them together in medicine for example you're a powerful dog diagnostician not deep you know details but if you know the underlying principle that makes all those details appear that way in physics and maths and science you're looking for the rules for the laws in modern cosmology and physics they're looking for what they call the gas grand unifying theory then what the grand unifying theory that explains everything how do they know they must be one cuz all wisdom shows that there's one underlying principle if there's one thing rod Moshe Shapiro's told us is that in every Soviet intolerant you looking for the root the root principle the first time it appears in Turin where it's expressed in Russian Kurdish the root idea from that root idea everything's explained and therefore what you want your child to achieve when in powerful learning is the principles that that put the wisdom together and then there's a third level the third level equals say that the shame act of Santa Ana which means order for the sake of unity of function for example in a machine is built or an engine or an electronic circuit the parts have to be constructed precisely so the whole thing functions together let me ask you a question what's the difference between the 2nd and the 3rd levels what's the difference between ENDEX to a library which puts every book in the correct position so the library operates and the parts of the machine where all the parts have to be constructed in their correct positions of the machine functions why these two completely different levels of order and why is it higher what's the difference between where you put the parts of a machine or an engine together or you put the books in a library together so the whole thing functions as unity beautiful beautiful if you have no order to a library it's complete shambles you may never find the book you want but each book remains a valid by the way in systems like that the more you have the worse you are if you have a library of 10 books and no order you'll find the book you want you know 10,000 books and now owner will never find what you want and that's why a person without a systematic mind the more they know the more confused they are and what Hana Vasa moniz decided but the point is this that if you have a library of books and the order disappears the books remain valid but if you have an engine or an electric circuit and one piece is out of place nothing's worth anything and yet we touch on the Kabbalistic and the spiritual savor the shame after supper with parts get together to form something which is larger than the sum of the parts when each part is essential each part is nothing on its own and totally controls everything it's an amazing amazing level of unity you're driving through Death Valley on your four-wheel drive you know monster and 500 miles from nowhere a little screw falls out of the community gets buried in the desert send and the thing grinds to a halt that done the screw is so worthless it's worth less than the smallest coin but it just became worth your life and all the parts are like that that's an amazing thing each part each letter in a safer turn right is almost nothing but if one of them's cracked or missing the whole thing stops you know the valve cover often say you know they come into the system of Turin they say you Orthodox Jews you so obsessive your mezuzah one letters cracked you know you're not good enough get real it's there on average a cypher Torah one letters not the whole thing you know you got almost six hundred thousand whatever it is ask that person how he feels when his child's being conceived and one-half a genes out of place oh it's all there on average doesn't work that way always got electronic circuit one of the millimeter of wires broken or the whole thing doesn't work oh it's there on average it doesn't work that way circuits that are integrated biological systems that are right this is a much higher level of order the paradox in those systems is that each piece is ridiculously pathetically small on its own and the whole system depends on it and that's how the universe works and if you not in the position where you need to be what are you on your own apathetically almost infinitesimally small piece of the universe and yet if you notice there anyway you ought to be standing the lights don't come on when the Torah was given motion about it told each Jew where to stand so to speak and the Torah came down each person received their Helicon Torah and then now if you say I don't want that I want to stand here the whole thing's invalid one crack in a letter to say fraternal the whole thing's not doesn't operate maturity means knowing where you have to stand identifying correctly what it is that depart that you play in the system standing there losing all degrees of freedom and paradoxically when you constrain that way the whole thing operates and you swell to the proportions of the whole system because it all needs you immaturity means I understand I was down here oh you feel amazing well I marry me I'm a world unto myself had you just stepped out of reality it's awesome it says something amazing you know what he says he says listen to this this is I mean beyond amazing he says this when the Mishna says i say with so Clarets Sonia Mecca shams yo will he says a picture the system like this imagine our shams rotten if you could picture such a thing the rot rot today's game a Tremec or it means a source so you're talking about a source in in safe beyond human comprehension that's our shells rotten rotten is the source that's ultimately the beginning of all reality hashem brings that raphson down into its Seabury a commandment and then he stops and invites you to step in and make that rots on your own zone so did you become at Selim you become a picture at a duplicate of what it is that he is you conceive that rod son and then you fulfill it in the world so his rotten gets done but what begins with his rotten are felt and finishes in action you look the same as that in microcosm because you've now replicated the system your rotten is the same as that a new one who fulfills it so you step into the bottom layer of reality for full ease rot Sun and look like the whole system by the way this is the deep reason why God Allah at supervising the camera says somebody who does because he's commanded is greater than someone who does Valen spontaneously and the reason is when you do something spontaneously you express yourself when you do something because you commanded you Express the dimension of the commander and you become one continuum but immaturity says this verse Amos don't tell me what to do I stand here now you feel divine in your greatness cause it's my rotten that I but you just stepped out of reality and you left the part of reality and constructed maturity means stepping into place and paradoxically instead of losing all your freedom and becoming a nothing you just closed the circuit and the whole cosmic reality begins to shine anyway that's the theory so far so good now this means that you need to know which part of the system you represent if you spend your whole life walking around trying to figure out where you stand in the system that's a life wasted so it's critically important to know where you ought to stand which let earnest effort or are you you know it's well known that history all spells the ischium rebase reality there are six hundred thousand letters in the same authority each one of us is a unique letter it's unique the whole thing depends on that letter being and therefore it's critically important to understand and help each child understand that they here not to be the same as everybody else despite the religious misconception despite school systems there are sort of mass production that's very important and if the school doesn't do it you have to do it you have a Chon go to a school where they call handled individuality and the kids are all given the same then you have to do it your parents job is to give a child every child every opportunity to express every single unique talent that they have so let's turn to the practical let's talk about the practical way this should be done and see if we can bring it down to the to the real and I would say this I would say life comprises two phases phase one let's call it till you're 18 years old and then from then on the work of the first phase of life is figuring out all that is unique about you what is unique and special about you or this child or this teenager whoever it is what a unique constellation of variables and and talents and skills and personality structures and opportunities and raw materials the first phase of life is for flexing your muscles and spreading your wings no talent was given to be wasted no teller was given to be wasted if I shall put you into this generation with this particular personality structure these particular aspects and details of opportunities that's for a recent they need to be used you don't throw anything into a situation that's extraneous or irrelevant so the first phase is to discover and explore what is uniquely defining about you even in the second phase is for spending every minute of the rest of your life becoming the world's greatest exponent of this constellation of variables that's unique isn't that a simple life agenda is it obvious yes not your Americans you know you're supposed to be responsive you know I mean living in England now you know if they're alive or dead there so let's go through the two phases phase one here's what you do and I mean this literally you go home tonight or you guide your teenager through this it's meditate deeply for five minutes clear your mind draw a circle on a white child of paper I don't mean figurative I mean literally draw a circle and write into that circle all the things that are special and unique about you and have the courage to surgically excise and write outside the circle the things that'll not you that you can't do if you do this successfully you will define a circle that is uniquely characterizing you by the way when you do this with teenagers is quite remarkable you're a teenager and they construct that picture you see they manifest two feelings where they see that picture one is joy recognition of who they are and in second they lose jealousy because instead of coveting and be jealous about all the stuff they don't have they realize if a sham didn't give me those things that they're not necessary for me to walk my path you have to do it skillfully and show them the beautiful picture that's unique about them so that circle has to be drawn and all the things that need to go into that circle need to be put in there of course the circle stands on two bases let's not go confused the circle stands on two Universal bases the first place is being a decent human being certain universal human obligations those are not negotiable you can't say well I'm gonna walk around punching people in the laws are not in my circle know that everybody has to develop to be kind and considerate and maximally developed and sensitive and loving that's universal no non-negotiation about that and second base is a fulfill Jew you have a unique layer of Jewish obligations that's not the gospel they have to be there but on top of those two bases stands the circle which is your unique style I would say the circle is choosing one of these but before you choose one of these you gotta have these on you look a little ridiculous in a tie store choosing one of these you're not wearing these first there's a basic level of being and by the way what what what constitutes the first base only two characteristics your child needs only two qualities of character I was very close Simca vaasam and our families related I spent many years learning with him he was a master of Jewish education even though he never had any children fascinating story but he used to say that your child needs only two qualities of character consideration and concern what the camel is call the left and the right hand consideration don't interview concerned get involved that's all you need to be good husband that's all you need consideration when you like wife needs space and time and and concern where she needs affection to be a good neighbor consideration don't interfere when they need their space and when they need it taking a plate of soup your child needs to know consideration immerse sleeping should not feeling well be quiet concern which you wakes up take her a cup of tea that's all you need you don't need you know ballet dancing on horseback and under water polo and I don't know what they send kids do these days I can do without that the two qualities of character are right and left hands and by the way the way you train your child in those is with your right and left hand once you're right in your left hand the left hand is disciplined and the right hand is loved those are the tools for raising a child full discipline uncompromising discipline and full and chromo uncompromising love not easy to get them together how do balance limits another subject for another time but the methodology of raising a child is full discipline by the way how do you discipline the child who's not accepting discipline how do you do that there's a very important rule today we're dealing with children across the board who are going off as they say either religiously or emotionally or or both hardly a family today doesn't have at least one child unfortunately in Metro school one of the achievers in you shall I'm one of the boys setter of Moskowitz Thoreau she she recently said Robert I'm dating a young lady she's very nice but I'm concerned she's got a brother who's gone off robbed Moscow had said only one so how do you function with children have gone off you got a teenager's misbehaving here's the rule for a parent when they're not listening to you they're not and they acting out you insist on absolutely everything you can get away with and turn a blind eye to the things you're gonna lose many parents they have a child is difficult they threw out their hands they lose all sense of discipline and control they're out of control that's not right whatever rules you can maintain you maintain it maintains discipline and authority what you can't what they're doing behind closed doors on Shabbos in their bedroom you're gonna lose that battle anyway and not worth fighting that issue cause you're gonna lose it but do you not to you know whatever the rule is absolute minimum you come to dinner with a shirt on if that's the rule insist on it no shirt no dinner and by the way when your child says to you why write your five-year-old these days give your religious argument by the way two year old has got more stamina than you don't argue when the two-year-old O'Neal definitely lose my question so how do you handle that when your child says why don't give her if the child is negative and and confrontational don't give a religious argument that's useless the argument is it's my house it's my house my dinner no shoes no dinner they can't argue with that you got a Japanese house you take your shoes off in this house you behave a certain way when you get married darling do what you want right now this is my house they can't argue with that and therefore the rules are your religious rules and general rules of decency you maintain all the rules you can what you can't win you're not going to win anyway the other techniques for dealing with those things anyway that's off the subject but the point is that it is a question of a base which is basic human decency and then this Jewish obligations but the circle is what makes you unique it's your style everybody has to work on mirrors no question about that all the mirrors which fit into those two categories but we're talking about what's unique about you what is this child challenged in it or their mathematical or they empathic are they emotional or they artistic are they musical everything has to go into that circle no gift was given to be wasted it's a tragedy when a you shiver or a school emphasizes only the academic what about the kid is not academic my wife told me the first day she taught in the Torah school of junior school she noticed they had on the wall star charts you know gold stars and silver stars you do that here so there's a star for mathematics and his staff was spelling in and whatever it is and there was a chart for meters if a kid shared his lunch with another kid who didn't have Shelly sandwich he gets a start if you don't do that you are mistaken in your educational goals you kid you teaching kids that academics important but you don't care I promise you you can be a very good husband and father and friend if you can't spell in French but if you can't share your sandwich you in trouble that's much more important that's got to go and therefore this child might not be academic but there may be a more empathic or more sensitive or kind or whatever there may be is got to go in the circle some people have very broad circles which suggests certain paths in life some people are very uniquely narrow circles I was at school with a person who was a mathematical genius unbelievable he you knew this he was a national chess champion he could think 13 moves ahead in a chess game used to dream calculus so when we finished school we're into this aptitude center where the computer asked you a whole bunch of questions and that gave you all the professions you should consider it gave him only one option and said he should become a lighthouse keeper it was not his happiest day anyway today is the famous professor of mathematics but the point is he is a circle very clear so that circle has to be very clearly filled in now how do you know what goes in the circle what should you put into your circle there are two tools to know what goes in the circle one brutal ruthless honesty about yourself which is not always easy but it's absolutely necessary and secondly I say look her off you need to speak to somebody more mature than you insightful not afraid to tell you the truth about yourself to expose you to things that you wouldn't know yourself parents are good at this now parents are not objective about their children but they're usually very objective about things that the kid is not objective about when I was 17 I went to my father who was the most wonderful doctor since I was 3 years old I just wanted to be like him I said you know dad I'm applying for medical school I'll never forget this he put down what he's reading he said I think you'd be better as a teacher teacher thought my dad be drinking who wants to be a teacher it's not important no one pays you I completely do my father studied medicine the teacher okay so your job is apparent by the ways to give that insight and by the way in the torah world we look for people who are brutal today you can't do that with little kids because their egos are very fragile but when people become older for example a teacher should not read out grades in the classroom not read aggress when the teacher reads out grades one kid got a worst grade than someone else but maybe tried harder he feels like a failure that's not education that's assassination if you feel like being depressed go to a Jewish a junior school prize-giving you know this thing it's prize-giving day little see of expectant faces they start handing out the prizes there's always one abnormal obnoxious kid who probably had his brain irradiated when it's a fetus who gets all the prizes next to him is sitting a seven-year-old whose heart is breaking because he'd give anything to come up with a plan that's not you in education they've all got to get prizes but when they're 15 years old or 16 the teacher can be brutally unfair laughs and fake kids have to learn but now when you seven and don't know that but when you mature enough to know that you want a teacher who exposes you to your to your flaws today it's very hard to find people who can take it but in the traditional torah world people look for a babe who are brutal the marshal hired him or her if you know that he hired a man to walk around criticizing imagine that you walk into Shirley's late again today people hire a whole group of people who say gee boss that was great tell us that joke again they'll get you no way you need a person to criticize you of course you can always get married that's the easy way I heard remotion shapiro say things to people you know I don't think I would have survived once a student asked a question how much they said to him that questions not even stupid a few minutes later another question emerges they said that's already stupid the fellow was Israeli so it didn't bother him but you know that's the kind of teacher you want imagine you have a martial arts teacher do you want him to say you're doing fine no you wanted to break your ribs it might save your life one day but you have to be strong enough to take that of course but that's what you want the Hasidim say that when they're ready when they're ready smacks you you make a kiddush if ignores you you in trouble but if you're worth been corrected and therefore you need a mature insight into what it is that you capable of and that circle needs to be constructed and all talents have to go into that circle and then there's the problem of closing the circle and excluding the things that are not you and that's difficult because to say there's a thrill of seeing the circle that is uniquely you but young people the tendency to fantasize about the things you don't have more than the things that you are and it's a difficult exercise to close the circle when I do this exercise well secular students they often say to me you mean I'm only going to be this well what's alternative you can't be everything you got limited opportunities a young man cannot possibly explore a relationship with every woman on earth even though many young men seriously tried but be that as it may you can't marry them all you can't do all the professions and all the jobs complying all the instruments and all the sports even in learning you have a Darer which is uniquely an expression of your Torah and you were brought to the world for that in Kabbalah it's called the cherished neshama each Tana each I'm wearing each each each Torah genius was brought to the world to express his position that's the uniqueness that he brings to the world on our own it's places in great detail it's a great flow for a young man in you shiver to discover that is a neat a unique feeling of course yes to learn everything that's the base in learning but the circle is the uniqueness of the thing you resonate with the kind of learning the style of learning has to be done that way it's not a limitation it's a greatness so the problem is limiting the circle and closing the circle and it usually unfortunately it's more of a male problem let me try to explain this you know that we have a teaching that male and female are complete opposite polarities I don't if you notice but this generation seems to be confused about male and female maybe not here but that's the case but nothing could be further from the truth Azura says everything in the world is a mother and a father there's a male and female components what is the theory let's just take a moment to understand what is male and what is subtle in the caver in the world's a wonderful thing to understand by the way in Kirov this is the way to explain it if people come in and you start they the first thing that attack you is feminism male roles female roles why as a woman not allowed to be a witness this start apologetics you get no way the way to handle the subject to explain it at root what is the spiritual meaning of male and female if you do that successfully that the practicalities take care of themselves what is the meaning of male and female in the universe and they will bring it back to closing the circle maleness means open potential male means endless potential we refer to our Shem Ismail because his endless potential we call it a life the RAM Hall says a loaf means endless possibilities Hashem represents a world of endless endless possibilities of universes endless limitless that's the male dimension the female dimension means to bring it down to the specific and fine art limitation the greatness of the male is endless potential the curse of the male is its only potential the greatness of the female is should give birth in the world the curse of the female is only this one the wood McIver means to make specific NACA allies scarf a baton fix your wages and I'll pay you you can't get their money till there's a number imagine a person walks up to you and says give me a number any number any number I'll give you that much money mm-hmm this is the mail fares more more more more MORE that's very exciting but you get nothing sooner or later you have to say a number the moment you say the number two things happen number one you get the money number two not one cent more it's a finite world the world can only hold of finite representation of reality that's called knock Nick Cave and Nick Cave are means knock Cove means to be a shanty kubishime rot the ones who are specified by name I don't mean to offend you ladies but the same word also means a curse no give shame a shame classism you know what that means it means to make the infant fundament when when you take the infinite and you specify a finite dimension to it bracha means the thing becomes more than water the female talent is to take a sea then multiply to fan it into a flame that's the harmony between male and female the word soccer is the same word as ekor the male is only a memory a compressed essence of all that went before in Hebrews he Coronas gamma Trias era and the kvar means that which brings down into the finite so the closed circle is the female the morale says this is the reason a man can marry more than one woman because he's an endless source of potential what woman in her right mind was more than one husband once usually more than enough to you know suffer manage grace and therefore that's the theory of male and female you'll never forget the amazing experience as a medical student of having to dissect a human embryo little unformed child in the womb and you see the organs that form seed they begin by piece a piece of the kidney breaks off and as the embryo starts to develop the seed forming organs move down in the mail they become organs that seem that form seed by the billion by the billion and in the every forms eggs one at a time and fertilization takes place the male gives 15 billion and she gives one egg male this is a hopeless overabundance of wannabes hopefuls maybes and femaleness is this is the one that will be so she represents the finite dimension of limitation in the world which is real in a finite world childhood childhood is a phase of open potential endless possibilities it's always like that the beginning is male the end is female how does a pregnancy begin the male gives half a genetic code that's all that's all the woman does the whole process of bringing it into reality day after day of a pregnancy and the difficulty and danger and crisis of childbirth that's complete the males got nothing to do with it male is the point of origin the infinite dimension that sparks the process and that's why it's completely painless is no the woman is the expansion in space and time as amaryl explains the climber and that's why she's the one who experiences all the danger and all the difficulty that's why we are living through what's called level a machine which is their womanly the womanly art of bringing that birth into the world in other random not only drummers doctors well explains the process of birth you know a man has no a song and no idea what this is when a woman gives birth she's going through an experience that looks like two people are dying ladies I don't mean to put you off I'm sure you'll enjoy it it's a wonderful mitzvah no but no man could go through that first of all looks like she's dying I always say to the men imagine you wandering the corridors of your local hospital looking for the accounts Department when you actually they actually stumble into the labor ward and you watch this going on for the first time you know you'd probably call the police I don't know you know you need therapy for sure and if you were to go through it yourself you would never recover I mean there's no question about there but it's nothing compared to what the baby goes through the baby in the womb is no way it can survive in the world a child in the womb has holes in his heart he's got blood going in the wrong direction he's blood vessels coming out through Samba Lycus his lungs or squeezed up little bits of tissue the biggest one of the biggest blood vessels in the body takes all the blood away from the lungs in the wrong direction he has 20 conditions that keep him alive in the womb that spell instant death one is born within two of us is gonna die and you have 20 conditions in your body that keeps you alive that you gave in to the fetus you'd kill him immediately it's not just a change it's a life-and-death opposition and when that Chad delivered dozens of babies you hold this newborn baby in your head it goes blue then he goes purple he makes the terrible gasping move let's not look for this child he's bleeding furiously you know a newborn child has about this much blood that's all and he's bleeding like crazy and suddenly as you stand there helplessly the cord clamps down like a cable of Steel and stops the bleeding at the same moment the holes in the heart closed the blood reverses direction at the same moment the blood vessel from the lungs closed down the blood hits the lungs and the same arm eject his first breath in the lungs pop open and about three minutes later it's all reversed and he's doing fine that must have taken a lot of orangutangs in the trees to get right by accident during evolution you know they must have been a lot of chimpanzees that didn't make it but that's all the female that's all the woman's dimension she suffers the pain of bringing it into the world omona the source says MSE who MSV he Emunah he is ms which is clarity and she's mo na mo na means to be Naaman and what does me blind belief m1 are means to be loyal to stay see it through to bring it to its final frozen reality in the world the King James Bible the Christians translated as who blind belief it doesn't mean that bhai you Yadav emunah at bar Shama his hands were M&I they believed they were loyal they were faithful it stayed put that's a woman's talent is to bring it so maleness is the endless infinite potential childhood is a male face because childhood is a when you wake up in the morning it's a male face you wake up in the morning what could you do today anything amazing hundreds of options and it's all perfect nothing's gone wrong yet but you can't do them all you have to make choices and finally when you collapse in bed exhausted at the end of the day what you have only the limited amount that you did the rest is gone sacrifice died but what you've done is real that lives forever that's the wisdom of bringing the correct limitation down childhood is a face of endless potential the child's grands whole life had a skirt health enormous psychologically normal five-year-old what do you want to be when you grow up he'll tell you the most impossible combinations is gonna do it all but that closes in on you you can't do it all I was walking to show with my little son when he was six years old so he says full silent for a couple of minutes and he says you know I'm really worried I said what you worried about said I'm not sure if I'm gonna marry Debbie or freedom I said what's the problem he said recruits everyone I marry the other one's gonna be so upset we walk up the steps to show Lennie says to me but I just realized whichever I marry all the others are going to be so upset it's a confident young man you know I mean he didn't marry Deb you offering as it happens I'm sure they're both very upset but anyway for the first time in his little life he starts to realize you can't do it all because childhood is do it all but as you grow life closes in on you and that's when people start to fill them at an end depressed not realizing this is what you're achieving you know it's amazing that in secular literature in all the world's literature youth is described as springtime in summer and old age described as winter where the juices freeze and you know that in Turin literature springtime youth is always described as winter and old age as sama-sama mela talks about him a feed the days of my winter the days of my youth you know why because in winter they break the frozen ground they put the seeds in and in some let grows what a vision of life if you take the opposite view you tremendous potential in you that is your life progresses the things close in on you and one of the leading causes of death in Holland today among the elderly is they had themselves killed what can an old person do to turn his chair little closer to the Sun but in Jewish life as this as the potential is spent the actual has been bought it's been converted into reality what could be a happier vision of course you sacrifice the potential can you spend the currency that you bought the goods the world around us values the currency and what open-ended potential all the time we don't want to do that we want the potential to be spent to gain the goods to find out specifics that you anyway this is a discussion of male and female but the point is that the closing of the circle is a male mode to close the circle to make it that's a male difficulty to close the circle is a female mode he should to say they've given the cavity the woman walks around the man she gives him a place to be takes her under his foot per but she walks around him I define your place that's the female dimension to make it specific unity birth to that which can be can be born and so young people the immature mode I hate to say it but the childish mode is the male mode when a young man is old enough to marry and he's resisting why not because he looks out at the world of women each one's more amazing than the next if he gets married he's gonna have only one seed rather had the childish fantasy of everything where he's got nothing that's our children or if you want to torture a child this is not a Jewish activity but if you want to torture a child give it an ice cream where he's firmly holding the ice cream give another one when he's clutching both ice creams offer him a third you'll end up with a pool of ice cream and tears he can't understand that to have what you can have you sacrificed the rest that's the immature mode so to close the circle and say this is what I am meaning this is only what I am only this the immature mode doesn't doesn't want that the immature mode wasn't do everything fantasize about doing everything maturity means closing that circle and seeing that this is you in the world depends on this let me finish with a story maybe you'll have some questions I'll tell you a story they tell a story about a peasant in ancient Russia he was a peasant farmer and he had no land to farm he stood there eating by the side of the road and the Czar rode past in his carriage you know very all night when law horses and he sees this peasant crime moved he gets out of his carriage it says what so avoid by the presence of the sought since I'm a farmer I have no land the source says what's the problem no I own Russia takes a stake and drives it into the ground gives the man three other stakes says walk as far as you want put another stake in the ground turn walk put another one turn again put a fourth stake in the ground the land between all four stakes as yours a gift from me can't believe it he walks for a few miles and is about to put a stake in turn when he says to himself why stop here carries on working Walkman I'll say but I could have more and as the story goes you never stop working anyway that's an introduction to the subject of defining one's role first of all the theory is that we are all here for unique purpose unique purpose and I hate to say this but it just as important for women as for men we tend to think that you know some years ago a very talented young lady extremely amazingly talented girl the fact that she's my daughter it is not really relevant anyway she came to me she said to me I'm up I'm ready to get married you think you could help me find a suitable victim so I said I went to Russia Shapira and I said you know daughter's 19 she wants to get married he said not yet not yet like 19 it's over the hill like what you know what's a problem he said she hasn't yet had time to assert the uniqueness of her personality she risks becoming somebody else's empty echo and amazing now he's talking about her as a specific I'm not saying this is universal so some people get married very young it developed together that was an amazing thing I thought a girl what does she have to do hang out in the kitchen produce the occasional baby what's a woman supposed to do no no and as it happens she developed a talent in teaching and met a dynamic person interested in the same things but you here for a reason you here for sine is something specific and and your your uniqueness must be brought out sometimes not so easy to see but you hear and of course in marriage it's a partnership it isn't only you there's a harmony of the reconstruction of the male and female halves of the circle of course that has to go together for a complete fulfillment and once their theory is understood the practice Calla TV becomes the exploration of talents and a teacher's job and a parent's job is to help the child see what's unique and special about them it's a wonderful exercise in giving their self-confidence when they fit into a narrow system that gives them only certain narrow opportunities you there to give them the broad ones and then develop all the basics that are necessary but develop that unique vision that is unique and special about each about each child nothing could be more potent in terms of giving there a sense of a unique identity and it's so necessary today anyway any questions before we close yes yes the question is can the question is can yourself definition a change and mature with time so I'll tell you I'll tell you this first of all it's certainly possible and we've seen ballet chivay in the 60s and 70s radically reopening the circle that's very heroic absolutely indeed secondly not everyone has the potential not had opportunities in the youth to fully explore and many people went through the war room it has seriously limited financial and health and other issues indeed but I'll tell you in I in in normal circumstances by age 18 the basic currents of energy and personality are clear I'll tell you something even more talented kindergarten teachers can see it even then talent killin this child three four five years old the currents of energy are there but certainly by age eighteen why do we choose that age because in many societies if to start making certain decisions about that edge in where I come from in South Africa at eighteen you had to decide if you go to medical school you went to the edge 18 there was a seven year course not like pre-med and other things in the secular world but if you have the luxury let's say you you you shiver education where the person can go and gain some maturity there before making a choice but by age eighteen after normal schooling with opportunities it should be apparent whether this child is more technical or more artistic more empathic more more emotional or more technical usually those things it's that we're not talking about a specific job or a specific talking about currents of energy in the personality it's very unusual for us to change yes you may discover a challenge because you don't play music instrument you never tried before we're not talking about that we're talking about the basic energies in the personality that need to be explored fully and they can be athletic and musical and dance and every every aspect of gift that you were given needs to be used we once asked our simpler what about the ball sugar who has got aspects of the past that are dysfunctional or that are not applicable I mean in London we had a young man who came in became very fascinated with learning what was his profession he was a ballet dancer not so easy to find a kosher application of that in the film world where is he going to use ballet dancing you know but it was very good high professional level that's a little awkward to find okay he found an expression for his physique and his and his athleticism and he found an application we have many young ladies we have a young lady in England who is on the West End stage she was a tremendously accomplished actress and singer the from world that's just not today she does incredible productions for women and uses them she's raised them amazing amounts of money and she uses it for therapy for you know since an application some can be more difficult but Ruslan used to say no talent was given to be wasted they are ballets of it there's an old debate in the ball chipper world is your past meant to be thrown out or sanctified again it's a fascinating debate in the Cheever world the ball chubu who comes from a background where many modes of expression were not kosher are you supposed to throw those out and they'll go nowhere near those things or sublimate them into a kosher application and the answer is the two types of personality is one type of all Cheever who couldn't who couldn't maintain any connection with the past he just couldn't do it this is too contaminating that person has to cut on the past completely and this the Arthur calendar Bolivar who takes all the past intellectual achievements and so forth and sublimates them in a in a kosher application I think it depends on the personality yes please any other questions yes [Music] what aspect of that question relates to this question of closing the circle or how much effort you have to make in this oh that's a good question so the question here is how much effort do you have to make and how much you trust up to Hashem but your job as a parent is to be responsible you can't say shall I leave my child's education as its development up to you yes you need plenty of Tefila and Emunah as well but you have to be very perceptive as a parent and see where this child's talents lie and are they in the right educational environment can you work with the system to to build their confidence and you have to an alert I usually you fortunate because you remain and here you'll have less responsibility than you worth because she's usually much more talented usually men by the time they get the length of like where this child's actually holding that's already six months gone and they you know the kids someplace else women are the ones who are learnt usually to the personality development of the child so you take your wife's advice usually but it's parents job is to to try to uniquely identify the child's personality and help help them grow within the system by the way with the real challenge is how do you help a child like that in a system that's not friendly when the system is not conducive okay how do you do that their formula I'll tell you the formula I'll tell you the formula the formulas like this now hold on to your seat for this and you will never find a perfect school and you'll never find a perfect community with all apologies to Rabbi Marcus I'm sure this is as close to perfect as it gets you will never find a perfect community there's always going to be some problematic element and you will never find a perfect school ever the formula is you choose the best available and you show it respect you can't send your child to school and say bad things about the teacher in the school you choose the best and you teach them to respect it but in the private zone of your own home you build a sanctity and a security zone where the child knows these are our values and this is you're gonna have to do that anyway because it's a cruel and unfriendly world and who knows where you'll end up right I'm South African so many hundreds of the majority the community is left and gone on to other places who knows where you'll end up who knows what American Eddie and political reality is gonna be who knows where you'll end up the security is your marriage has to be a zone of security and the children have to know this is a this is a zone of security of clear so some of the values human and Jewish and Torah values they have the confidence in that and amazing the children are sophisticated enough to understand that there's more than one standard in the ball sugar world kids grow up with two standards anyway there's the Froome world we occupy and then there's aunts and uncles and cousins who completely radically different than us they handle that very well takes mature parenting you explain to them they don't have the privilege of knowing this and yes they don't understand yet and we you've got to demonstrate and show the kids take pride in that doesn't make them schizoid so when you move around in the world and your family has that security this is our private zone these are our values a little different from the school a bit more but less all of this the kids can handle it but you show respect to the school that was have to respect the system that they're in and so within that zone of security you build your reality and within that is the attention to the unique needs of the child with maturity and perception and building their self-confidence with the tools that they need there are no other solutions at the moment yes any other yes please yes like what what do you mean given example yeah okay good question what if you like a skill that you find you need see here's the child who's good at many other things they're terrible at math okay so now to force that child into mathematics as the primary activity in the world is just cruel to make them a professional mathematician that's just cruel they're not playing to their strengths you with me but if they need math first of all at the basic level to the extent that they can develop as much as best they can absolutely why not and to the extent they need to for something else they may have to do it when I was a medical school I was better at certain things are not so good at others but to become a doctor you have to do them all so you won't excel at these you know excel at those many professions and jobs and roles in the world are like that even a teacher the teachers need a suite of skills and some are more central and somewhat but you have to do them all so the things that you need for your primary task you have to be brought in and and honed and develop to this extent that they're necessary but if you make the child feel that's primary use to make me feel like a failure now it becomes a question of judgment what element does need to be brought in what is your child needs special help with so they'll feel adequate and secure because they need for the other stuff that they're doing and that becomes a personal question personal judgment of the each child in each situation yes and yes please the question is what about multiple talents I'll tell you the deepest way to resolve that issue we're not talking about multiple specific talents we're talking about the current of energy that under them we put it this way here's a very useful way of conceiving it and by victim Ellie used to put it like this he said it's a deep muscle insight he said they are character traits that we call mythos and they deeper Trace that we call to noise hakuna underlies a minute let me explain what I mean mirrors are aspects of your personality the word media means a measurement a finite specific Guillory of personality by the way it also means a garment meat diamines a garment and it means our character Trey right why your garments are the other of the external expression of who you are in the world your character trace or the external expression of the oneness that is your neshama right a measured aspect of your personality mythos or how you manifest in the world meters can be changed very very difficult but the underlying emitter is a toner that can never be changed example let's say being quick to react in Psychological terms that's called volatile quick to respond that's its color you cannot change that and you ought not to change it the opposite of being volatile is it's called flag matic doesn't mean you're coughin lot that means you slow to respond okay you won't change that in medicine they call the type A and type B personality the challenge is for the type a the volatile quick responder is to use it correctly where necessary and learn to control it where not control the middle the slow-moving person let that express itself where necessary and to overcome it to a necessary but the abandoned line toward the person you understand the volatile person is going to get angry rapidly and tragically but they're gonna leap into action where lives need to be safe while everybody else is asleep the slow-moving person is going to be very hard to anchor which is wonderful on the other hand when things need to be valley hasn't woken up yet so there's not good or bad the question is how do you allow to express itself will you in honor of the ladies will say this beautiful beautiful idea grab Camilo to taught the girls in the gate said Sam used to put it like this he said self development means the correct method is letting your tuner come out your : you me to come out to appropriate and control it we're not here's the beautiful example he gave you know that when the Jewish people committed the sin of the golden curve the women never participated they refused to give their gold and the man had to forcibly take it from them Hashem rewarded them with a festival semi festival of Rosh Chodesh they were given a special privilege of Rosh Chodesh which is a woman's issue but he never gave it to them until the Mishkan was built so the question if they did a mitzvah they did something incredible resisted the temptation to idolatrous worship their husbands why did and the reason is because when the Mishkan was built they gave their jewelry now there is nothing like this when the women never gave the gold to their ego they were exceptionally righteous or maybe no they're just like they're gold but when the myshkin's built and they give their gold then you see they did give and if you accuse women of being fickle who give to anything oh they didn't give to their go whichever one you cues of their being their mirror you see the opposite one shows it was not means whatever your mother is needs to be expressed where it's correct and control whichever it is whichever end of the spectrum it is the Rambam says some people are more naturally bold and others are more naturally reticent and so each one will have an ordeal the ball person needs to control it more the person is more what you call it reserved has to assert themselves be more difficult each one has free will to assert and therefore and therefore we're not so much talking about a particular skill can you play the oboe and can you know ride a unicycle I'm talking about a more general issue on your physical are you athletic are you musical are you intellectual are you emotional those those are the big currents how you particularly express it is a question of opportunity and lack of one bird used to say that he used he said I advise young people based on two issues konasana fish and the TSR life the things you could add and the things you like you usually like what you good at and usually good at what you like it's a wonderful rule by no means absolute but you're usually good at what you like and you like what you're good at if you're doing something that you're not enjoying it's not healthy if you're doing a job that you're not enjoying it's not healthy it's not good for you if a marriage doesn't feel good it's not there's something wrong with it I love s to feel good and simply used to say that now you don't get married to feel good that's business or worse you get married to give love but if it doesn't feel good there's something wrong with it a friendship I love a job that you do and if you're not enjoying it it will be done badly and and and you'll crash and therefore young people need to be advised which is the path that they will be good at and enjoy using both those faculties together that's a healthy recipe final question before we close that's it okay so now yeah that's it okay so now we all know the formula right you walk out of here as you walk through those doors what's unique and special about me how you express that and how you help those around you identify the unique currents of energy so that the symphony can be played with each part playing its music perfectly thank you [Applause] [Music] you