Living with Emunah (Part 349)

Okay, good morning Boker to and a happy is to all. Welcome back to living with Amuna. Please help yourself to coffee, slushies, pastries corner. Our series is generously sponsored by Dr. Zav and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbad in memory of Bella's mother Dr. Ellen Chanzer and in honor of Ashira for all of our precious IDF soldiers and the hostages coming home. A huge thank you to the Morgans as always for their generosities. We're going to begin as we always do with some emails and letters. and then dive back into the text that we have been learning together. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, I really enjoy listening to the Shir and going through a pregnancy after a loss is a high anxiety experience and have been trying to embrace my place by becoming an Amuna listener starting right after the loss. Even though extremely grateful to Hashem, the nerves are still going strong. I went to a doctor's appointment today and the nerves were high. Even though I kept saying, "Hashem is in charge. I should embrace my place." My nerves and anxiety were still going pretty strong. At the appointment, the doctor told me that everything's okay and told me I should embrace it. My husband and I gave each other a knowing look and felt a hug from Hashem, telling us to continue the journey of embracing our place. He's here continuing to be the third and most crucial partner in this journey. And we wish them they should celebrate a big but I love that image that when the doctor says all is good, just embrace it. that what kicks in is the embrace your place. I hope everybody has the sticker, the back of the phone, the decal in the car, the on the luggage, wherever you are, whatever you're going through to remember to embrace your place. It's all a plan. It's all from Hashem. We are all always where we are meant to be. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, last year I made aliyah during my shabarat from such and such place. I'm currently a lone soldier in the IDF. In an effort to keep up my Torah learning in the army have some downtime in my office job. I decided to start listening to podcasts whenever I have a spare moment. By far my favorite podcast living with Amuna. Uh you say that to all the podcasters. Thank you so much for the weekly episodes which really inspire me. One thing I've taken from the podcast and apply to my life is the notion of I am where I meant to be. It's not always easy but whenever something inconvenient or difficult happens, a common occurrence in the army, I try my best to remember Hashem's greater plan. However, I never had a concrete moment of realization that I was where I meant to be until a few weeks ago. Working in a combat support role in the army. I don't often need to stay on base for Shabas. But it felt out that my turn to stay in for guard duty fell on the weekend of Lagbo Omar, which of course is a fun day to celebrate off base. First, I was annoyed since I had no friends staying on base with me. But I told myself I am where I'm meant to be. Shabas passed on the following Tuesday. My commander told me I was allowed to go home and come back the following morning since I had stayed in on Shabas. I rushed out of base and the moment I sat down on the bus, I got an alert from my commander, there was a suspicion of an infiltration to the base and the whole base had gone on lockdown. Hashem, everything was fine and no one was hurting the incident, but the entire base remained in lockdown for three hours. I immediately realized that Hashem certainly orchestrated where I was in that moment. Since I had stayed on base for Shabas, I was able to leave the base for the moment to spare and be absent during the lockdown, which was a frightening experience for everyone. I feel blessed that I was able to see such a clear indication of I am where I meant to be. Thank you for the incredible shar. If by any chance make small embrace your place cards. I know that I and lots of others listening in Sahal would love to put one in our army IDs. So we are sending all in the army. Anyone who wants in the army for free as many as you want who are bigger heroes who are in more miserable places and are forced to embrace it than our precious and heroic soldiers. We lost more who are next to the kavod over yontiff. Tragically we dab for their nashad. Their nishas don't need file normally that nish should be elevated should have an aliyah that soldiers who gave their lives their souls can't go any higher than where they are. They're right next to the is not for their which can't go higher is for their family. They should find comfort and strength in that loss. And all those who have soldiers last night we had a beautiful at the end of shas to honor those who have children and grandchildren serving in the IDF. many of whom have not slept in a year and a half. And not only those children, particularly lone soldiers who didn't have to go, but who are volunteering courageously, heroically, but those who taught them, their parents and grandparents, that they got those values and ideals certainly were dominating. If we can do anything, it's next to nothing. But sending a sticker to put in your army ID, we have to put in your tank windshield be pretty cool in an air force windshield a decal. But whatever you want that we can provide is the least that we can do. Dear Ra Goldberg, first I want to thank you for all the amazing shar you give. Thank you so much for the compliments yada yada yada. I love listening to shim while driving especially while cooking and cleaning on Fridays. It really enhances my shabas. I'm a nursing student in Israel. I have so many moon stories to share. I picked two that really stood out to me. I've been meaning to write this email for some time and finally got to it. This past pesak they did a raffle in my ward to see who would work seder evening 3 p.m. to 12 p.m. shift and my name was picked. That's the unlucky lottery winner. I was very upset since there was an Arab boy with the same job as me and could have switched, but he said he was busy and wouldn't be able to help me. I knew what I was getting into and I picked the medical field, but I worked in a religious hospital and students don't usually have to work seder night. I cried in Davin and asked Hashem to help me. I dab and I have Sedar in the place that would help me grow most and be closest to Hashem, but I really wanted to be with my family. I started learning every night to help me strengthen my and of course listen to the living with Emun at every chance I had. In the tushi room the week before pes, he put extra emphasis on I am where I'm meant to be. I really hoped somebody something would change, but it didn't. I decided if this is where I meant to be, I'll make the most of it. I thought I'll have to make a seder all alone. But Hashem sent me a from family with six kids right to my ward. They came to be with their grandmother and so they made a seder and welcomed me to join. Hashem took care of all the details so they would have an uplifting seder. I had some interesting stories like a non-religious girl who only wanted me to sing. Non-Jewish nurses asked me to tell the story of how we were slaves in Egypt. Some sad moments, too. A Jewish woman passed away and they needed two Jews to wrap her. Barashem, I was there to help. I finished my sed by benching and doing the third cup. I got home earlier than expected. When I walked in the door, you won't believe what my family was up to. The third cup, the exact place I had left off in the hospital. That was definitely a hug from Hashem. I got to be home for all the singing, the fun part with my family. I knew at that moment, Hashem had placed me where I was meant to be. Even though I didn't get it my way and no one agreed to take my shift, Hashem showed me he was taking care of me and it was all part of the plan. Second story happened a few weeks ago. I was driving home from a night shift. I usually listen to music while driving, but it was so I decided to put on your amunir. As I was making a right turn to leave the hospital, a bus came speed down the road. I stopped at the last minute and we both only got a small scratch, but it was my parents brand new car. I called my mother and told her I got into an accident. She said, "You're okay. That's what's important." Go mom, don't worry about the car. It's just the car. It'd be great if the next email was, I got a call from my daughter, and in that moment, I really wanted to yell and scream, but I embraced my place and I said, "Are you okay?" Anyway, I continued listening to the Amunir number 344. And what was it about? Someone who had to stop on the side of the road with their car. And they were told they were lucky they didn't get into a major accident. I realized how lucky I was that Hashem made me stop the car when I did. Second later, I would have been in the spot where the bus hit my car. Nothing's a coincidence. Thanks for inspiring us. She Israel. We'd love to get some stickers for her and so on and so forth. Okay, Rabbi Goldberg, hope family doing well. I'm writing Aravante from Bokeh. I came to Florida with friends for Shabuis and to be honest, I was really afraid to get on a plane. Although the news lately, and after recent negative flight experience, I was feeling pretty anxious. Still, I didn't want to miss out what I knew would be a fun and meaningful experience. So, I channelled the inner amuna voice I've been working to strengthen through the series. I told myself that whatever happens, it'll be what Hashem wants with his help, we'll get there safely. Even so, I was nervous all the way up until I got into my seat. I said, "And some quiet feels begging Hashem for a safe flight." I set up a cue of some of my favorite songs in Spotify. And just as we're about to take off, there I was clutching the armrest and davening. Then your voice popped into my head. Hashem is the one flying the plane. So I let go of the armrest and I let God. Right then, a song I queued up started playing. Ash by Ellie Dax. I've linked it here. The lyrics are in that moment. I was reminded I'm not in control. I forgot everything will be okay. I forgot that Hashem was with me all along. I mistakenly thought somehow it was all in my hands even though I can't even fly a plane. I want to share this Amuna moment, this beautiful song with the living with the Muna community. It's a powerful reminder. that Hashem is always with us and I'll keep listening to it, reminding myself in every area of my life. Definitely on the flight home that he's the one flying the plane physically and spiritually. Looking forward to hearing your Torah this Yantiff. Wishing you and your family only the best. I hope she wasn't disappointed by Yantiff and Bokeh. Disappointed by the weather, but I don't control it. I try, but there's some things out of my control. And we're all disappointed by the weather, but it is what it's meant to be. And stuck in the rain is where apparently we're meant to be. So, I hope she had a wonderful time in our community. I'm so glad that she came. Okay, one or two quick more and then we'll get back into our text and learning together. This is a tough one. This one's a tough one. I got a few tough ones. The next two are tough ones. And the truth is maybe I should be saving them because there's a lot of encouragement for a special series or even just a couple episodes on living with amuna in shukim or for single people which were not god forbid singling out but often can feel most alone and uh difficult to find hashem. This was a tough email. I hope this note finds you well. I know this might not be the best first impression to make on a rabbi but I listen to your sheer every shabas. I've been wanting to reach out for a while to thank you for living with Amuna. Your words have been a lifeline, one of the few things that give me hope for the future even during dark times. The truth is, as an older single, I often feel so unbearably lonely, most Shabbat, that I started breaking Shabas on Friday nights to have something to fill the silence when I don't get an invite and to drown out the sounds of the neighbors in my building making kdish, chatting, benching, singing miros. I know it's not an excuse, but somehow a sheer feels a little less terrible than watching a movie on Netflix. I just want to pause because first of all, I appreciate this person being honest and real and raw and letting us in a little glimpse of how lonely and how painful it feels. And if nothing else, this first paragraph should be a reminder to us that no one should ever, ever, ever, ever be alone. If they choose to want to eat alone, it should be of their choice, but not because they didn't get an invite. This person writes that they break Shabas Friday night to have something to fill the silence when she doesn't get an invite. That should never, ever, ever be the case. There are people in all of our communities, subcommunities, our lives, our neighbors, our friends. And it's not because anyone's malicious or bad or self-centered. It's because we're busy with our own lives. And we do invite. But they should never be out of sight, out of mind. We should make sure everyone has an invite. If they want to not take it, that's their choice. But to hear that pain that the loneliness is so acute that to fill the sound of that loneliness and to overcome listening to others singing ziros and benching and laughing and no loneliness is a sentiment shared by many 30s singles but in my case I converted a decade ago right out of college and I don't have the benefit of any kind of family to reliably have a place to eat or spend not to mention the connections and social circles to help find my match. I try to hold on to Amuna, but it's hard when it can feel like I'm invisible. Like I managed to make it past three security guards at the gate all those years ago, but I'm still waiting outside a house I'm not sure I'll ever be fully invited into. I've worked hard to build a meaning to build a meaningful life as a single. I grew up largely independent of my parents and had to find my own way from a young age. Some of my earliest memories are talking to Hashem because there was no one else who cared to listen. A conversation that eventually led me to Judaism. Despite not having the opportunity to finish high school, I kept studying while working night shifts, earned a scholarship that allowed me to complete my degree, established a successful career, and then gave it all up again to subsequently complete the conversion, committing myself fully to a life of Torah and mitzvah. Bakashem, I've built a new fulfilling career, and I know Hashem has given me so much. And so, so many things I've ded for have come to pass. But the one thing I've never been blessed with is the experience of being someone's number one person, of being loved, chosen, cherished, prioritized, not by parents, a family, a spouse, or anyone. That ache sits quietly behind everything I've achieved. I've learned how to survive on my own, but I still pray every day to no longer have to do it all alone forever. Your reminds me that Hashem hasn't forgotten me in this area of life, even though it very often feels this way. still waiting in purgatory on the driveway is exactly where I'm supposed to be. You give me strength to believe that my story isn't over and that one day I'll finally be blessed with a family to call my own. FYI, I got this last night. Living in your so not sending this on the which I appreciate. I don't even know what to say other than it should remind and inspire and motivate all of us to make sure nobody's all alone and we dab them from the bottom of our hearts and the depths of our beings that she find her basher and feel the love. But what a powerful image that the one she feels that she's the number one too and loved by still is at least Hashem. So some people, you know, it's one thing to embrace your place when you're at a red light. Embrace your place when something doesn't happen on your timetable. To embrace a place when a person is in a feeling of horrific loneliness is an allgether different place. I'll end with one more which also I could say for a special living with amuna for shuk singles but I think there's a point this will lead us into our our learning together. I'd like to thank the rbian on words for the incredible podcast. Thank you for the compliments yada yada yada. I listened to the multiple daily since I discovered them on Spotify. Okay, here's my question. I was dating someone. Everything was literally perfect in terms of Ashkafa alignment, ticking boxes, but lack of connection. I said no after a bunch of dates because of a lack of connection. So here's my question. I doubted it so much after. How do I know I made the right choice? What's meant to be will be, but I made the decision. I know I spoke to people at the time and I came to a place of clarity. But I lost that clarity soon after saying no. But because it's about connection and chemistry, it's hard to validate it after, especially because there was so much good there and was exactly what I was looking for. It's subjective. So now I can convince myself that I made the right or wrong decision. It's confusing and a hard place to be in. Maybe there was too much pressure on me when deciding. Maybe it was too rushed. How do I know that I did my bit? Meaning it was so good. How do I know I should have said no? Maybe I should have left it longer. The time I think I made the right decision for that moment, but it's hard. Came to a place of clarity. Surely clarity was from Hashem or not. But now I don't have that. I feel like maybe this could have been the one and maybe it was more the system limiting progression of the relationship and taking to the next place. Maybe I needed more time. Maybe our relationship could have developed. I'm channeling it to Hashem and dominating for clarity. I don't know if I did my bit right. I know I meant to be going on this journey and has definitely pushed my connection with Hashem through speaking to him literally so much all day that I can see clearly. I know this is meant to be happening and that this journey is good for me, but I don't know if the outcome is right. my decision to say no. How do I know? I want to let go and let God, but I'm scared that I messed up that it's my issue. That said, I said no to something too good. How can I know this is meant to be if maybe I made a stupid decision? I'd appreciate any clarity, many. So, that is a another tough one. How do we determine when the things were in our hands? If we did the right thing or the wrong thing, when do we say let go and let God? We're in the right place. Embrace your place. You are where you're meant to be. It's all up to when do we say what do you mean embrace my place? He didn't put me there. I put myself there. So why am I letting go and letting God instead of feeling own guilt or shame or doubt or uncertainty if I'm the one who made the decision? So here's essentially what I wrote back and continuing an ongoing conver conversation with this author. Here's what I wrote back. We spent a number of series we learned it in this cafer in our rabbi say that is that's the expression wicked people have regret and doubt and we unpack that particularly through the prism in the eyes of of ishbs who take it to the extreme even in the own aas that we've done that we should never have doubt And we should never be filled with regret. There is a healthy regret. The regret that's part of growth that says I have remorse for what I did. Not because I'm stuck in the past, not because I'm looking there, but because in the present, in the present, I want to learn from what I did so that I can craft and mold a better future. So, a regret that helps inspire and motivate me in the present in order to have a better future. That's a positive and a healthy regret. But a regret that makes me proceverate. A a regret that makes me paralyzed. A regret that makes me stuck. A regret that makes me look backwards and sit in the past turns me into the wife of Lot. Lot's wife Lot and his family when they're rescued and saved from stone are told one thing. Don't turn around. Don't turn back. Don't look back. Just look forward. And if you turn around, you turn into a pillar of salt. Why salt? What does salt do? Salt preserves. Salt makes something stuck. If you turn around, you'll be stuck. You'll be unable to live in the present. You'll be unable to move into the future. Lo and his wife and she indeed did turned around and whether literally or metaphorically turned into a pillar of salt. And when we look to the past and get stuck there, if only I could have, I should have, what if, if we live a life and we get stuck in a place of what if, we turn our lives into a pillar of salt. And there's no place for that in our life. To proceverate and be paralyzed, to be stuck and suspended. We're forfeiting our present and we're abandoning our future to be stuck in a past. So here's what I wrote back. If you're rethinking the decision, not because you're turning around and getting stuck in the past, because in the present you're reconsidering, you want to reach out to the shaken, you want to reach out, you want to say, "Let's give it another shot. Let's give it another try. Maybe I made a mistake. Maybe there's more here." Then that's a healthy conversation. Go back to the people who help give you clarity. Talk to the people in your life with whom you help think things through. And if your reconsidering the past is informing a different decision in the present and for your future, wonderful. That's healthy. That's great. But if you're not in the present or future reconsidering, if all you're doing is getting stuck in the past, then then stop it. You're turning into a pillar of salt. It's unhealthy. It's damaging. It's self-sabotaging. All it does is bring guilt and shame and doubt. And all it will do is make you less attractive and appealing in the present. Nobody will want to be on a date with somebody who's not in the moment, but who's stuck in the past, still wondering, still filled with regret, still filled with doubt. If you want to be your best self in the present to create your best future, then stop getting stuck in the past. It is a thought of wickedness that creeps into our mind that gives us and makes us feel regret and stuck in the past. What we did, we did. I told you I use this almost every day. I finish a shir or a drussa. I should have said this. I should have ended it that way. Oh, I should have gone here. Oh, I should have done that in the article. Just recently I wrote an article that I regret. I could have I could have my Dave Porto article article I put out a couple weeks ago. I shouldn't have written it as a criticism of him and a compliment of Michael Rapaort. I should have made it an invitation to Port Noi that said that the answer to anti-semitism which he suffered again by the way over yontiff in one of his reviews and somebody walking by yelled bleep the Jews and the people who were cheering on his pizza review laughed at that person. He turned around and said what are you laughing at? He's learning what it means to be a high-profile Jew. He's learning and Michael Rapaport also put out a strong thing over Yantiff again but everyone has a lot to learn still. We're here anyway. But my article shouldn't have been a criticism. It should have been an invitation that the answer to anti-semitism is not go to Achvitz and study the Holocaust. It's to educate ourselves. And it shouldn't have been a criticism. I should have supported a high-profile Jew speaking out for the Jewish people at an invitation. Not with me necessarily, with anyone all around. Spend the Shabas meal, learn, lean in, put on fill, and grow. I regret it. I regret. Maybe I should rewrite it and put it out again, but that's silly. But my point is I try to stop myself from thinking because for whatever reason you did learn from it do better next time but don't get stuck in the past. We have to learn and we have to move f forward for the future and we have to take it forward. And therefore if thinking about the past informs the present for a different choice for the future then the past has a wonderful role. But if thinking about the past is with regret or remorse, shame and guilt and beating ourselves up, then you turn yourself into a pillar of salt. And that is a huge mistake. Did I tell you the sh that made one of her successful stories where two people went out that she set up that she decided were perfect for each other and then they didn't continue and was determined that they were right for each other and they were wrong to not continue. So she called one and said, "The other wants to go out with you. give it another try. She called the other and said the other wants to go out with you and give you another try. Now they're happily married with many children and doing beautiful things. So sometimes it's worth another try whether you realize it or the decides it and does what's necessary like Aron Cohen to make it happen. But sometimes things are worth another try. Okay, back to page the right hand column. There are sheets up here if you'd like to follow inside. Feel free to mark them up and keep them if you like. We've been learning about the balance between between and amun the balance between free will and initiative and faith and this delicate balance where some people cop out by having too much faith and too little free will. Meaning they don't take initiative. They sit at home on their couch in their recliner and they wait for God to be a solution to everything. But that's not genuine amuna. It's not authentic amuna. That's a copout counterfeit amuna because amuna Hashem wants to hold our hand. Hashem invites us to be his partner. Hashem says, "Where's your initiative? Where's your effort? What are you doing to partner with me?" We spoke about getting up to open the door for he can't come down the chimney. He doesn't walk through windows. He can. But Hashem says the end of the sedia, get up and open the door. Yes, Alan. If he can visit every Jewish house simultaneously, he can also come down a chimney. But we have to get up to open a door. Why? Because the idea is you got to get up, get busy. You got to do something. You can't sit back. Don't be a passive spectator. Like Hashem told Israel at Yamsu. Why? Get up and start doing something. You can't sit back. On the other hand, excessive initiative, doing too much also is counterfeit amuna. Stop doing too much. If Hashem wants to provide a solution, he can make you a millionaire working 10 hours a day, 12 hours a day. You don't have to work 16, 18 hours a day. Hashem can bring healing and a solution. You've taken enough initiative. You've done what you need to do. Hashem can help you meet the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with. You've reached out to enough. You've done enough networking. Now sit back and let him do his job. And I think that's actually the expression we last left off last week was was we spoke about Ravuk had this insight why Moshe had to go to every tent by Paras Bidbar the census of the Jewish people. If a basel a heavenly voice went out outside every tent to declare how many levim the age of one month and older why did Moshe have to go make a circuit around the entire camp if anyway a heavenly voice was going to proclaim the number in each house? Why couldn't Moshe sit back get an email from Hashem? Here's the final numbers. Here's the data. He'll share a Google doc. Here's the census. Here's the result. If he had to get a basel anyway, why walk around? And Ravuk said, because Hashem said, you do yours and I'll do mine. But if you don't do yours, I won't do mine. And that is what motto we should hear in our head over and over and over again. We want Hashem to do his. We want him to help us meet our Basher. We want him to help us have a child. We want him to help us earn our parnasa. We want him to help us recover from illness. We want him to end a war and a dark period of our gullus of our exile. We have to do ours and he'll do his. But there's a line. There's the line says of if you creep over that line, if you try to do his job, he says, "What are you doing? What are you doing? I got this. I told you I got this. What are you doing? You focus on you. I'll focus on me." Says, "Hashem, don't expect me to do your job. You have to take your initiative. You do your job. And don't try to do my job. I've got my job. You're going to mess things up if you try to do my job. You're not going to do it as well as I can. Where is that line? That's the magic question. Where's the line between our job and his job? Where should we not cop out and wait for him to do our job, but we've got to do our job. And where's the boundary and the border? Stop trying to do his job. You've done your job. Now, let it go and let God. Where exactly is that border and boundary? That's the challenge. That's the hard part of life. And the answer is different for each one of us and each circumstance. And those who are consumed by the pursuit of material physical, they want more and more and more money and things. And because of that, they abandon Torah learning. They come late. They leave early. They're distracted. They're thinking my to-do list, my tasks, my emails because I need to kill it in business. I need to make it rain. I need more money. I need more things. Such a person is a heretic in the divine providence. If a person believes that in Russ Hashem decided and determined what we're going to get and now my job is to simply wake up every day and do my job. Stop being anxious. I don't mean clinical anxiety. That's no one's fault. Of course, we're not talking negatively about that. Just talking about the general overall anxiety. Stop being anxious about your parnasa. Stop being anxious about producing, making it rain. Do your job. Take your initiative and get out of Hashem's way. And when you stay in his way and you stop having a relationship with him in the effort that you're getting in his way, it's at the expense of the relationship with him. Why? You're not learning. You're not dening. No. No. I have no time for the amunir. I have to work on Wednesday mornings. I can't carve out even 45 minutes an hour for myself. I have no time for I have no time for davening with a minion. I have no time for all I could say is at home and then I have a million things to do and I have no time. When living life and taking initiative means I have no time for my relationship with him. Then how do you expect him to produce for you? Every time we eat food, every time we eat bread and we bench, what do we say in our benching? We describe God provides, he gives, he feeds all. and whatever we'll get, whatever we'll have, it is all his decision. He is the orbiter of our destiny. He determines our future. And if you really believe that and you know that and you live that, then you're going to abandon the conversation with the person who will determine your salary in an effort to circumvent him to earn a greater salary. It makes no sense. Who decides how many zeros are in your paycheck? Not who physically, humanly maybe with an auto pen signs your paycheck. Who decides how many zeros? Thank you. How many decides how many who decides how many zeros in your paycheck? Shalom. Every day you have an audience with him. Every day you could sit with your boss. There's no other job on the planet where if you butcher your boss every day and ask for a raise, he'll say, "I'm so happy you came. I'm so happy you asked. I'm so happy to spend time with you. I'm so happy you feel connected to me. I'm so happy you feel comfortable asking." Any other boss anywhere in the world? Have you come more than once a year, a quarter? That's too often. We're going to fire you. Enough. I don't want to hear about it anymore. Enough. Hashem says, "Come. Come more often. Come in the morning, the afternoon, and at night. I want you to continue to come and I want you to talk to me about what you need and why you deserve more and why you think I should give you a raise and a bonus. I want you to come. I love and I cherish spending that time. I love and I want to hear from you. One of the few descriptions of Hashem, not because it describes his essence, but because it's how he wants us to feel, is that he desires and he loves and he cherishes and he longs for our He's waiting. He's waiting. Open the talk and unload your heart on him. So, everyone's running to hire consultants and everyone's running to hire experts and everyone's running to get a business coach and a business mentor and everyone is deciding to experiment with new marketing schemes and how to pick up more clients and how to rebrand the business and what to do and thinking this will be my answer. I need a new broker and a new financial advisor and this will be my answer. Hashem's like, "Hi, I'm the boss. I determine the raise." So, you stop the custodian to ask for a raise. You're stopping the mail delivery person to ask for a raise. Nothing wrong with them. They're lovely, worthy jobs. I'm not knocking them. God forbid. The guy who's picking up the garbage, you ask them on the way while he's picking up the post of garbage. Should be giving him the raise. But you ask him, "Hey, could you give me a raise?" He looks at you like, "What? What do I have to do with your paycheck?" Hashem is looking down saying, "You're asking all the people in the world and you're working all the avenues in the world to get a raise and a bonus all while ignoring me and not coming to me. and I'm the one who decides and determines your bonus and your raise. You're ignoring, you're forfeiting, you're neglecting the only address that will produce that will produce the thing that you want and that's the one you're not turning to and everyone else doesn't want to hear from you and he's the only one who does. So the source of answering whatever we need and want is also the one who's he's sitting and he's waiting and he wants and he wants every parent would love to hear from their children for any reason but has no problem if the reason the child is calling because they need I you need something and you called me I love it I want to be the address I want to be your solution I want to help whatever you need if it's putting more money on a debit hard fine but if it's something you're thinking through a problem you're trying to solve a decision you have to make and you come to me I miss a that's my desire my longing there couldn't be anything greater than the child saying you're the source who can help me you have the wisdom that can guide me you could be the answer and solution to any problem you say wow that's what parenting is all about that's the greatest feeling in the world and Hashem says I want you every day. It's not only okay once a day. Not only is it okay once a day, it's okay not only three times a day, it's okay as often as you want to turn to me and say, "Hashem tatlashim, my father in heaven, I need you. I'm doing all the work. I'm doing what I need. I'm networking. I'm working hard. I'm putting in the time. I hired the right people. And now I'm asking you for the result. I know you decide and you determine. But what do we do?" says he's waiting. He wants He makes the time. He gives us the access and we say, "Sorry, I have no time. I got to meet with the garbage man and the post office delivery person and I'm meeting with the custodian and I'm meeting with everyone else ask." And and Hashem's like, "Yeah, lovely. That's good. Good relationships, but they don't decide. I do. Where are you to talk to me? Why are we abandoning? Why are we distracted while we're dabbing? Instead of pouring our heart out, he's listening. And he wants us to talk to him not as if he's our best friend. He is our best friend. Pour out our hearts. Not only with the words in the sitter and in the tahillum, but the words we write in between. I've said this a million times. I'll say it a million more. The sitter is not the highest level conversation we can have with Hashem. Our rabbis composed the sitter. So even on days we don't feel like talking to him, we will anyway because we have to. But they're just a framework. They're a template and we're supposed to personalize the template. You have to personalize it. Given this example, you'll excuse me. I know it's I don't care. It's an anniversary, a birthday. You can't just give a blank card and the person will say they'll open it. There's nothing written front, the back. You didn't underline any of the lines. What is this? Said, well, what do you mean? I went out, I bought it. It's like $1,000 today for a Hallmark card. I don't understand the price inflation of pieces of paper. What it takes so much more genius than ever. People specializing in writing those messages, getting it's the ribbon, it's the plastic cover. It's out of control is what it is. Out of control. And yet, we still all have to do it. So, you have to write something. You say, "Where's the personal message? I don't want to just hear from the author at Hallmark or Amaz. What's it called? Greetings. American. That's my family. So, I should know what it's called. What's it called? American greetings. I don't only want to hear from the author there in their factory. You got to write a personal message. So, the next birthday anniversary, you take out a napkin, you scribble a personal message, and you say, "Happy anniversary." Say, "You didn't buy a card. Where's the card?" The sitter is like laavil, the American America, American greetings, the hallmark. the sitter. You got to have the text, but also underlined some words. Hashem and ash today. This is the line that jumps out to me. I've underlined. I underlined. I underlined. I underlined which line in this week. It's this someone in my life I here. I'm underlining the card and I'm also writing something in between the sentences. Dear Hashem, lose yourself in conversation with him. O talk to him. Here's what's on tap today. Here's what's on my schedule. Here's what I need your help. And thank him afterwards. I had a beautiful last night with Hashem and Marv of Moz. I'm sharing something personal. I'm not flexing or T4. I still don't know the difference between the two. I'm sharing it by an example because I'm working on it. I'm telling you what I'm working on. Maraves Shabas is the hardest marav mat. You're it's my among my hardest days working. I won't tell you how many times I spoke yesterday or over those 48 hours is the greatest privilege in the world. I I feel I couldn't be more grateful for it. But you feel like you're hit by a truck in that mar. It's hard to concentrate. But I tried to put myself together and when I got the I said, "Hashem, we had the nicest shabu we've ever had. Forget the weather outside, but the weather inside, the learning, the shurim, the participation, the attendance, the davening. It's the nicest shoo we've ever had as a community. I think so. That doesn't happen by accident. Everything went right. We didn't lose power. The air conditioning worked. The room setups worked. The food worked. Nobody got sick. Everyone was supposed to speak spoke. They were on time. They didn't go too long. People came. They listened. They learned. They connected. We had a beautiful vahab. Now the 350 children got together yesterday to make a seam on soued. It was a room you thought Msiah was going to come in. Was the most amazing things you've ever seen in your life. It was beautiful. So, how are you? The week before Shabuous, I had a pit in my stomach. How much has to be prepared? How much has to go right? Security through the night. I can't tell you how many things through the years. Kids get into trouble. Shabuous night. Parents who go to sleep. Kids stay up all night. They can get into a lot of trouble and learn all kinds of things. Be introduced to all kind diamond hard all week. Hashem, let the shirim come together. You can ask my family. Hashem, give me a drussa. Please. You need the only as good as your last drusha. Your last yiskar drush. Hashem. So, how do you come out of a shabas where everything went right and not pause and say thank you? I have nothing more to ask right now, your honor. I just want to say thank you. I'm sure tomorrow morning I'll have my new list of things I need. I'll have the new list of things. I'm going to turn to you and ask you for help. But how often do we pause to say thank you before the flight? We dive in super hard. Let it be on time. Let me have a good seat. Let it be a smooth fight. Let everything go right. Let the Wi-Fi work. Let it go smoothly. Let it work right. Let everything go well. And then by the time we land, we're so eager to get our suitcase out of the overhead and get off the plane and find the ride chair and get where we're going. Do you ever stop and say, "Wow, thank you. Over the last couple of weeks, I've gone to several simhas and over the next couple of weeks we're going to more simas. I was blessed and many are not these days that everything went smoothly. Four flights over the last two weeks there and back. left and landed on time or early and everything went smoothly. Today's world that's borderline miracle that's up there with the splitting of the sea. Now I did avoid Newark. So that's part of the explanation why. But it's miraculous. It's miraculous. So is your as sincere and serious when you land and it went right as it was when you were desperate? When you were desperate in people describe that loneliness they never felt closer they turned to they beg they cajul they meet the right one is it equal the gratitude I told the story of in the hospital a ward who was saying to him with the same further his family found him when his son-in-law was healthy and well and everyone went in after the surgery where's Ravar and he was saying to him with the same further fervor following the surgery as he was during the surgery and they said it's okay it's over like close the tail and come in. And he said, "What do you mean? You got to thank Hashem with the same enthusiasm and energy after as you did when you were desperate before." So what do we do in the pursuit of parasa? We say, "Hashem, give him the hand." Like I I'm busy. I got to earn a parnasa. Who's got time for you? I'm trying to raise these children and I have got my problems with these kids. I don't have time for you. We give them the hand. I don't have time for you. I'm earning parnasa. trying to raise these children, trying to make shidim. I'm trying to have I'm trying I got things to do. Who has time for you? Instead, take that hand down and realize he's the most important to make time for, not for him. He's good to go. He's infinite omnipity. Doesn't need you. Who is it for for you? If you want the solution, he is the source of every solution. Of every solution. If we really believe in divine providence, if we really believe that he's in charge and he's in control, if we really believe he can bring the outcome that we want, how could you possibly possibly not turn to him? Hashem is the one who gives you the is what the writes says, don't say What's is strength and talent and skill and blessing. Don't say my power, my ingenuity, my creativity, my initiative, my hard work gave me but rather it's true you were smart. You invested in this instead of that. It's true. You were fantastic. Youworked. You picked up all these clients. It's true. You took this instead of that one. It's true. But who gave you that wisdom? Who gave you those ideas? Who gave you that insight and that energy? Who? He gives you that skill set, that talent, and he can take it away. Say it to him for Billy Joel. I think he's a yid. He had to cancel all of his concerts because of a brain illness. Something discovered in his brain. You could have a record sellout crowd at Madison Square Garden. You could be on top of your game. You could be everything. You wake up one morning. Who gives you? You could get laryngitis. You could lose your ability to speak. Whatever skill set, whatever talent, whatever blessing that you have, it is on loan. It is never part of your permanent collection. It could disappear in a moment. In a moment. Whether you're an athlete, an artist, whether you're a public speaker, whether you're simply a parent, there's nothing simple about that. Whether you're a parent, whatever area or arena of life, whatever talent or skill you have, you're a cook, you're a chef, you make chabas, all of a sudden every kala, every cooker could flop. And you have no idea why. That ability to make everything that you touch come out delicious and be the best ever could disappear overnight. any area of life. So you have to keep doubling to Hashem. Whatever skill or talent you have, let the next speech come out well. Let the next competition come out well. Let the next concert come out well. Let the next coug come out well. Let the next argument in the courtroom, let the next argument or let the next skill in the operating room, let it all come out well. We have to place our faith in Hashem and to put credit where credit is due and to know and to know that it's not our effort that yields that result. It is the effort but on the condition that Hashem allows and enables the outcome of that effort. So this is the insight says, "Whatever we crave, whatever we long for, whatever we need, whatever we want, whatever we're working towards, work on it. We have to take initiative." Hashem said, "You do yours and I'll do mine." We have to do ours. Ours is hire a business, coach, a business, mentor, a consultant, rebrand and market, bring in new clients. Do it. Whatever area of life, take the initiative, we have to do. You can't sit back in a recliner and wait. No one's dropping off a brown paper bag or a suitcase of cash. It's not happening. We have to do our effort. But once we do our effort, also turn to him. Rely on him. Surrender to him and recognize he is the one that will bring the result. Don't give him that hand. Don't tell him no time. He is the thing that you have to most find the time for. That genuine, honest, earnest conversation. Talk to him from the bottom of your heart. First times you do it, you'll feel silly and stupid and then it'll be comfortable and casual and real. Talk to him. Shem, here's what's going on. Here's what I have untapped. Here's my meeting for today. Here's what I'm working on. Please, please, please bring a result. You could ask my family how hard I ded the sh the sor sheets were ready and done. But the drasha was nowhere to be found. Late afternoon shuis and I kept I said, "Okay, I'm just dabbing. Hashem, find the right story. Trip on the right Torah. Find the right opening. Let it come together." You have to davenin when something is not going right or well, stop what you're doing. Don't force it and stop and turn and surrender to the one who will bring about the result. Okay, I've hit a wall. I need you. I need you. I always need you. I always need you. But when I hit a wall, I especially feel I need you. Help me run through or over or under or around this wall. I need you. I need you. Coming back from a doctor's appointment, getting a lab result, finding out that a treatment is not working the way it needs to. hitting a wall of life, desperate for those children and waiting. Why isn't it coming or happening? Why is the shik taking longer than I want? Hashem, I've taken my initiative and I've reached the boundary and border. I'm not going to take more because I won't take excessive initiative. I won't try to do your job for you. I've done what I need what I can. And that's hard, by the way. That's hard because we so correlate the result with our effort that when the result doesn't come we've been trained and conditioned to think I just need more effort if I only call one more person if I only work a few more hours if I just take a little more initiative but to realize no this is the boundary this is the border where that is exactly that's a tough question but this is it I've had enough meetings about I've called enough customers orworked or did enough work and now Hashem I'm not going to do excessive initiative or effort on my part. This is where I let go and let God. I'm not doing your job for you. I'm leaning into you. I'm talking to you. I'm desperately appealing to you. I'm letting you in. I'm sharing with you from the bottom of my heart. Hashem, I'm talking to you. That's what's left of the initiative. We often don't see that as initiative, but that's initiative, too. So, think about it. How many people call and email a million clients to network for business? But the most important one to email and call i.e through davening they neglect. Sorry Hashem, no time. I've got to make more meetings, more coffees. Got to attend more events. I got to send more emails. I've got to do more marketing. Shem's like, "Hi, I'm the only one make a coffee with. I'm the most important for you. Have lunch with. I'm the most important to network with because I'm going to determine the outcome. and I'm desperately sitting here and waiting for you. We'll pick up with this theme. We're going to turn off the stream and the recording to continue with our live question and answer for those who come in person. For those who are watching or listening, we'll pick up next week. Okay. Who's