Loss, delay, disappointment—and what comes NEXT

picture the worst case scenario and say, "Can I live with it?" And I said, "Well, what happens if it keeps getting delayed, gets canceled altogether, gets so late, I can't get on it because I won't make it back for Shabas? I could stay at my in-laws. I could stay at my daughter and say, "We'll figure it out." We think that our emotion is automatic. It's automatic. I'm anxious. I'm worried. I'm angry. I'm nervous. I'm jealous. I We think it's automatic. How I feel is automatic. But when we realize there's a pause, there's a pregnant pause between what's happening and how we react. Are you just a thermometer that reports how you feel or are you a thermostat that regulates and changes the temperature of how you feel? We did lose our community suffered a tremendous loss. Joe Blumenthal, our dear friend, way too early, way too young, a very, very special person, a dear friend of mine, somebody with the biggest heart, somebody who was a beloved friend, somebody who was loved by all. And with the July 4th weekend and the cemetery closed Friday and Sunday, there was a urgency to get up there and to have the Levia and the burial on Thursday and I was to go with the family and I do consider it as close. I had the merit to be with the family and the opportunity to officiate and it's one of the privileges and responsibilities of the rabbinet but you you become good friends and you have the privilege of being able to give a eulogy, a husband and to be able to bury. So I I won't take you through the whole story. my wife had to suffer through it. But we took an early flight up last Thursday morning and um I was I uncharacteristically was running a drop late. It was very early and I pulled into the first valet at Fort Lauderdale airport because I was supposed to come home that night. So I figured holiday weekend, don't fight for parking, just valet. And therefore when I land that night, the car will be waiting. It'll all be good, right? I get to the first valet and there are like a million cars. And I try to pull over and park and the guy comes over. He says, "We're closed. We can't take any more cars. There's no one to park all of these. I said, I I've got to go do a funeral for a dear friend. They're counting on me. You have to take my car. And he said, we can't. You're closed. Go to the next valet. You'll be fine. Okay. I thought if I go to the next valet, then I'm going to have to like pull an OJ running through the airport to get to my terminal. But okay, I'm up to it. I'm up for it. So, I'm good. I'm going to try it. Anyway, I go to the next valet and there's cars backed up all the way. I didn't realize how far backed up they were. And I was trying to cut in, not realize I was cutting off someone who lowered his window and threatened my life in like three separate languages, which was fine. I didn't realize. I apologized. I told him I didn't understand where the line was. And I pulled out. And if you know Fort Lauderdale airport, you have to sort of go through cones to get to the valet. And then there's cones sectioning off that from the regular road. So now I was outside those cones on the regular road in a state of panic, not sure what to do because if I had to go try to find parking, it was never going to happen and I was going to miss the flight. and the funeral and the family was counting on me and I wanted to go there and be there and send off my good friend and I didn't know what to do and I just looked at the decal in my windshield. Embrace your place. You are where you're meant to be. Had a little conversation with Hashem. Didn't know what that meant. I am where I'm supposed to be. And then I don't know what got into me, but I just got out of my car and gathered my things and handed my key with a large bill that was in my wallet to a valet guy and I said, "I'm leaving my car. Here's the key. This money's for you. you could give me a ticket or not, but either way, I'm going because I have to make this flight." And he looked up at me. I had no idea what to say or do. So, next thing I know, he handed me a ticket. And the next day, my car was there. Now, that was the adventure that began it and my decal, which got me through it because I'm not only the presenter of Living with Amuna, I'm also a member, and I try to uh I try to learn from it and live with it. And then the weather was insane last week for those who tried to make their way back, right? Leslie knows this well. What time did you come in? And all the flights that night were delayed and canceled and delayed and canceled. And my brilliant sagacious wife said to me, "Or having been through this many times when my 8:00 flight back was moved to 9:00 and then to 10 and it was well on its way," she said, "Why don't you switch to the first flight out tomorrow morning? Whatever the problems are tonight, I don't know if they'll ever take off. They end up getting so late that the pilots time out. They cancel the flight once you've waited there anyway. Just the first flight's always on time. So, switch to the first flight." And she was 100% right. It was good advice. And that's what I did. And I took an Uber from LaGuardia back to my inos in the five towns so I could sleep there that night. Got up early the next morning. When I got up early the next morning for my six something flight, my flight from the night before had not yet landed. So it was good that I switched from it, right? But I woke up to find out that my flight was now taking off at 11:30 a.m. and was getting pushed and pushed and now I was worried, would I make it home for Shabas? And I want to tell you, and that's why I'm telling you this story. I just kept looking at the back of my phone. Embrace your place. you are where you're meant to be. And I kept saying to myself, this is I'm trying to demonstrate from you as somebody who felt my blood pressure rise and my panic and my pulse and my fear. I'm not going to make the flight. I won't make it home for Shabas. What's going to be that when you lean into Amuna and you say, "Hashem, you've got a plan and whatever is going to be." And then you also like stoicism picture the worst case scenario and say, "Can I live with it?" And I said, "Well, what happens if it keeps getting delayed, gets canceled altogether, gets so late I can't get on it because I won't make it back for Shabas? I could stay at my in-laws. I could stay at my daughter in sick. We'll figure it out. The shul will survive. We'll more than survive. No one ever complained when there wasn't a drussia. They'll make it. So when you can picture the worst case scenario and you can live with it, then you can find the strength to get through anything. And when you realize it's not up to this is Hashem's adventure. I'm on an adventure. Can't wait to see how it ends. This is so exciting. Let's see what's going to be. I'm going to get a story for the amunes here. And I'm going to take an Uber driver who's going to talk on the phone and give me a dr if I do make it back. for those who were here last Shabas and life is all one big full adventure and I'm sharing my own personal story because it's an example and a demonstration of in the circumstances and the curveballs that life throws our way which in the scheme of things were nothing and no big deal a delayed flight even if I would have missed that flight in the funeral it would have been devastating but could have survived worst case scenario it would have worked out so if you can pause we often don't realize that in between the experience and our reaction to it there's a pause. There's a moment. We think that our emotion is automatic. It's automatic. I'm anxious. I'm worried. I'm angry. I'm nervous. I'm jealous. I We think it's automatic. How I feel is automatic. But when we realize there's a pause, there's a pregnant pause between what's happening and how we react. And that's how I felt in that moment when I was driving from the first violator to the second. I was just looking at that decal in my windshield. Okay, Hashem, I feel panic, but I'm going to control it and regulate it. In that pause, I'm gonna control myself by remembering you're in charge. You're in control and this is what's going to happen is is your call and it's going to be what's meant to be. So, by definition, it's all going to be good. and then at the second valet when it wasn't working out and then when the flight was delayed and ultimately and so on. And so we all have don't ever forfeit the pause. Don't ever neglect or gloss over or fly right through that pause. There's a pause between this what the stimulant what happens and the reaction. And what happens by the way can be nature weather and delays. What happens can be the valet are not accepting cars. What happens can be your spouse or children or your colleague or someone says something or does something that makes you want to feel a certain way but between what people say or do or what the world or nature says or does and the way you react in between there is a pause and it's in that pause that we decide how we're going to react and how we're going to feel. I've said it many times others have quoted it. It's not my own. I just mentioned it at the Tanya should this morning, but it's the difference between the thermometer and the thermostat. The thermometer reports the temperature. Thermometer tells you this is the temperature. It's reporting data and information. And the thermostat controls the temperature. So, you can decide, are you a thermometer or a thermostat? Are you a thermometer that just reports to other people your temperature? I'm angry. I'm anxious. I'm impatient. I'm worried. I Or I'm happy. I'm happy. Things are good. things are. Are you just a thermometer that reports how you feel or are you a thermostat that regulates and changes the temperature of how you feel? When I gave it to the men at the Tanya Shir, I said, "You're a thermostat and then your wife comes and changes the temperature, but at least you at least you set the temperature. It's a little riskier to make that joke in here." But so we all decide and we all determine are you the thermometer or are you the thermostat. In between the catalyst and the stimulant there is a and the reaction there is that pause and we can decide am I leaning into amuna? Am I surrendering to Hashem? Am I recognizing no matter how hard I try or what I do I'm going according to his plan. This is going to work out the way he wants it to work