The gift of a LOSS

Three years ago, my husband and I lost our daughter when I was 34 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy was a surprise. We had a young son, but we welcomed it. At 30 weeks, we discovered something that was severely wrong. After excruciating weeks of tests, our daughter was still born in September 2021, right on a yontiff. I have to be honest, I stopped believing in anything. Hashem and I were disconnected. Six months later, I traveled to a city with a friend for a meditative getaway. On my last day alone at the center, I was strolling the grounds, thinking about my daughter, the tremendous loss, the unfairness, wondering if this emptiness would ever fade. By a beautiful stream, a groundskeeper approached me. After I joked about jumping across and potentially getting hurt, he said, "I just lost my 21-year-old son. I couldn't bear it if you got hurt." I started sobbing. How could this man function? Tell me this story instead of being buried under a rock screaming. These tears felt different, cathartic, filled with empathy rather than self-pity, gratitude rather than despair. I had a healthy son, a wonderful partner, beautiful family and friends. After months of crying for myself, it felt good to cry for someone else. Three months ago, I started listening to Living with Amuna. Only an episode in, it clicked. That man didn't save me. Hashem did. This was Hashem's way of saying he understood my pain while giving me perspective. My hug from Hashem. Life includes loss and challenge, but I can now hold friends hands through their losses in ways others