Rabbi Eliyahu Maksumov - Sympathy VS Empathy

many times there will be people who will walk in that in and out of our lives or different situations circumstances problems and they will turn to us for help and the question is what would be the most appropriate approach to their trying times well what would be the best way to respond we have something called sympathy sympathy means that although I cannot relate to your situation or your dilemma I can most certainly give my approval that the position that you are in is difficult sympathy means that I can use all types of appeasing words to make a person feel better but then there's something on a much greater level than sympathy and that's something called empathy empathy means that I can relate to this person's situation because once upon a time I was facing his challenge the power of empathy is the power of giving people hope because if I was able to get through this situation in my life and this challenge so can you every character would not arise presented to us by their qualities and just by the way they dealt with different challenges who could tell what kind of personality they truly were for instance we have a man by the name of Noah and everyone would agree with me that no opposite Sadiq however perhaps their rabbis will come along and tell us that Noah was a soldier study because although we did save himself and his generation although we save himself in his and his family he neglected the rest of the generation hence no us was a self aesthetic and then we learn about Mohammed II know and although everyone would say there's one word to describe Avraham all hands down everybody would agree with me will be kindness hospitality it's a person who loved to perform hesed but then there are those rabbis who analyze the story of our harm and they will tell us that Avraham kindness was over exaggerated a bit overdone misplaced kindness and the proof of the pudding is whenever Han goes and he fights the war with the five kings against the four kings to go and save his nephew vote he's going to save one person but how many people is he putting at stake how many people is it putting it to jeopardy because if algorithm does not come out of there alive there's no me there's no you there's no harm Israel has - was overdone it was misplaced kindness and then we learn about you talking I called you who rushed in a mood we learn about all despite a multitude of tribes and we find that each tribe had his own special personality his own quality and then we opened up on your book and we were introduced to a whole different character a man whose name is mentioned throughout the entire Torah more than anybody else's the one to bring the salvation to the Jewish people the one to lead the exodus and this person is no other than Moshe Rabbeinu and the question we must ask ourselves is what qualities did Moshe possess what was so special about Michelle and maybe if we could pick up on the ingredients the key Madhav's Michelle and we could emulate it maybe we could become great as well the first book says like doll harlot and the child grew up referring to Moshe implying that most I grew up now we know that the Torah would never tell us something that's obvious the Torah would never tell us something a self-explanatory what is the Torah coming to tell us what is telling what it's saying like I am it emotion I grow up everybody has a certain point that life graduates and matures from being a child to an adult unless the Torah is conveying to us a whole different message and it'll rise telling us that more share took upon himself this characteristics of an adult you see the difference between a child and an adult is a child is a very selfish creature a child does not take other people into consideration and adult on the other hand other understands that the world does not revolve around him and therefore says like that I added Welsh I grew up they took upon and solved this character of I this character trait of an adult now listen to the next bus book the pursuit says Wyatt an archive by artists of all time Moshe sees that the Jews are suffering and he goes out of the palace and the Midrash says he had a golden scepter and he pulled out his golden sceptre and next thing he knows he's helping this person with his burden another person would would do bricks another person with a cement and he goes from being the Prince of Egypt to another slave labor and the field where most of us would have simply just close the shades and just turned away more shade gets up he stands up and he makes action one rabbi is good when he asked why is it that well sure had to go out to the field so he helped three people did he make much of a difference and he said good when he said because former sheriff was not enough to sympathize for more sharing he had to feel his brother's pain and then it could amplifies but that's just the first scenario the second scenario violation remark a dream s out the POSIX says he goes out and he finds an Egyptian man beating down a Jew and whether you use the 42 letter name of God or he uses physical strength the Egyptian collapses and the ground swallows them off and Moshe Arens makes a run for it so these are so we're slowly starting to to see the ingredients about Michelle what may more share leader is a person who sympathize the person who helps the personal empathizes well look at this the person who goes on it tells us why it's not by a machine he initially on a shame even it's him it goes I don't now he sees two Jews fighting and he goes ahead because often when he says it's not enough that we have enough problems with outside of our nation that we have to make problems within our people and these two men search them and they say are you going to kill us like you came to Egyptian the day before and at that point Moshe I realize that they're on to him they go they report to the authorities Puddle gets his hands on Moshe and just what they're about to take the sword and slaughter Michelle's neck it says that God chose Moshe sneaking through the mirages that got to Michelle's neck into marble and the sword bounced off back to the Egyptian who was trying to kill the executor and most share again so the coast is clear he made a run for it so these are the Select insisted instances handpicked by God to tell us what Moshe was really all about an ambush ends up in Midian and he finds the $7 of patrol trying to get water from the world and as he's trying to get water they tried to get water from the world it says that the Shepherd would see that they were weaker than them there were girls after all you don't have no sons to go and send to do this job for him I think they will come along and I'll try to get water as soon as they will do that the Shepherd's will come they was kicked on the line don't push them push them out of the way and once the next chapter comes again he pushes them out of the way and that day to their convenience Michelle appears in Midian and it says that that day the Shepherd's we were so vicious assault in Lily cook the daughters of Patrol and they threw them inside the world and Moshe stands up and he saves the dollars of it all from the well it's very interesting to note because we saw somewhere else in the story of Chaumont where someone is drowning and someone else comes along and saves them oh that's a story where Moshe is placed on the Nile and it's long down the river it comes along by chance they ISM and if it wasn't for by Thiago would never be saved so again Masha is coming to emphasize with someone else because he knows how that feels when you're in such a situation so he goes to bring a referee from in Egypt to a lifeguard near mignon and now he becomes a worker for you troll and he's tending to the flock I just walking back from feeding them and giving them water he knows is that one of the ship is missing and he runs back they noticed that one sheep is still taking water from the river now most people at this point will keep the Sheep they were dragging to the rest of the flock and they would say I'm getting it enough time there's no reason why you're still here but motion gets on his knees he starts apologizing to the Sheep all of a sudden it becomes the psychologist for sheep so I could have another thing to his profile he went from being a referee to a lifeguard and that was a psychologist for sheep and he brings the sheep to the rest of the flock so God says it's one thing if you're commiserating what people but to come to a point where you're starting to emphasize we empathize what an animal this is the whole different level and this is the leader I want for army strong now let's take a look Moisture comes out of the palace he steps out and he makes and he starts working with the people to up the thighs the second day he goes out and he sees an Egyptian beating a Jew and he stands up again the third day he goes out and he sees two Jews fighting he cannot hold himself back you must end up you could have said in media and I'm just a tourist here why should I get involved you care what everything gets your heart and again it goes ahead and he stands up for what's right and here is emphasizing with a sheep what is the common denominator between all these events the answer is really one answer it's really one word it's constantly commiserating with the food people commiserating means he feels their misery his empathy cannot go a day without empathizing and sympathizing for somebody else I think I have a story it could bring this message straight home we all know don't know what no no Napoleon Napoleon was a great emperor and he was very successful and victorious of all those battles and he felt that he could take on the challenge of fighting two wars at once a top of a two-front war and so to win this disappointment he realized started to lose I started running for his life and he's running I realized that the stories are on to him and he runs into a farm and it sounds the farm that please save my life idly so when they can't they can't find me and if you saved my life I promised you a year from now whatever gained my status I will reward you and this farmer says come with me bring this to the barn you put some on to the whole haystack and Napoleon is siding against a company soldiers and they're looking at the position throughout the entire farm they find the farm and they say tell us where is Napoleon he says I'm not talking about so they say there's no way could've run it must be here and if we find him in your territory not only are we going to hang him but we're going to hang you with him and they start looking all over they couldn't find him at all they want the soldier said hey we never looked in that barn where Napoleon was in reality there and they go inside there and they find a whole haystack and they're looking through the haystack they can't find them and he's hiding that he knows if he makes one Peter don't want to kill him they're gonna drag him out of there and I'll be the end of him and they start taking pitchforks and I started poking in from every side they say if he's in there he'll make some noise we'll drag him out we'll kill him for an hour they were poking from every side but he didn't make them all it didn't make any noise and finally they said he must be here it's not in either he's dead by now we killed him you got him or we already escaped and so they left and the point sticks out his head he runs out it goes back to France he regains position has the pole integrate and exactly a year later just as he promised it goes up the farmer and it sells the farmer I want to ask you what is it that you want as a man of my word I gotta tell you whatever it is I will give it to you the farmer says there's not much I could ask you for but there's one thing that makes me very curious to know how did it feel when you were wandering all that hey stop do you feel like you're about to die so the pointers to me says I gave you the opportunity to ask me for whatever you want and you remind me of the most grating moment of my life instead of rewarding you I'm going to punish you and it takes this man this farmer and you bring him to the courtyard they bring put him on the stool and they put a noose around his neck and he says when we're gonna count down from ten to zero once we hit zero we are going to hang them and they're counting ten nine eight three two one just when he's about to say zero Napoleon scream stop he walks up to this farmer and he says you wanted to know how I felt whenever I was all that's the haystack this is how I felt because I knew if I would have tried to explain it to you you would have never understood what I went through also you didn't go through yourself that's what empathy is all about you know in America we have all types of courts and we have all types of justices and we have something called corrective justice and we have all types of different justices but there's one justice that you will never find throughout the globe and that's something called empathic justice empathic justice is a Jewish serving the Torah looks out for I'll give an example we have us ha ha ha a rule of a slave if the slave becomes how did you say become an avid how does a person become a slave he steals something that doesn't belong to him and they catch him red-handed if they if they catch him red-handed they say to him look you have to pay up whatever you stole he says I can't pay up because I spend it all so they say you can pay up go ahead we're gonna make you a slave you know you're gonna work it off for seven years he becomes a slave now the listen to the highlight of the case if you enter slavery without a wife and kids then he leaves slavery without a wife and kids meaning if he had a wife and kids before you after slavery so you could take his life for kids out of it but in the process of being a slave they gave him a wife and had kids with her when you leave slavery you cannot take them out now seven years passed it's also his wife says okay let's go you ready ready to back out and the master says where anything is going they're staying with me I gave them to you so now why can't he take them out why can't he take out his kids and his wife with them you know the answer is because criminals who enter jail come out hardened criminals so we say this man's gonna come out of jail is gonna say last time I stole and they caught me this time we still I'll make sure that they're never gonna catch me so we say we're kind of this tutorial is the Torah is looking out for this man to discipline him and they're saying obviously you don't know how it feels when something is that means taking away from you we're gonna make you a slave for all these years so you can ship so you come out there continue stealing the white one your lesson so we take something away him and next time even thinks about stealing he'll think twice and he'll say I know how that feels because once upon a time somebody took something very precious away from me there's a I understood this law could apply to a slave but I never understood I take the bill to an extreme where I could even apply to an animal the Torah says that when the Shaukat is going to slaughter an animal he has to feel the knife to feel there's any ridges along the way and if he feels there's any nicks that he knows that it's not gonna be a kosher shish kebab now the question is why couldn't just look at why does he have to feel it because if he just looks at it he's not feeling it then he's not feeling what the animals gonna go through hence we have to make sure that he feels that before he goes ahead and it makes the and it goes hence long as the animal because you saw the second side is almost loitering he's at some point he gets he gets is so insensitive to the animal we have to make sure he gains back the state of sensitivity the Torah says you cannot live on ax on ox and a donkey in the same field and the explanation given that by the logic in Amos says the reason is because the difference between oxen bank is an abstruse it's called it regurgitates food and after a donkey and an ox are working together after some time what will end up happening is that the donkey is going to be working any turnaround you see that the Ox is showing its account and you can say look at this cow literally I'm sitting here busting my tail literally while he's working and is enjoying himself he's having lunch I didn't even get to lunch yet it doesn't go explain to this donkey that this guy over here doesn't this cow is we're gonna take it smoother to chewing its cud they'll never understand you and so to show a certain sensitivity towards the banking we make sure we don't leave them on the same film as the ox and I think that this case could even go so far as you could sympathize with the dead because when a person dies with more for him for 12 months and for 12 months we cannot go to weddings we cannot go on vacation so I ask myself why is it that 12 months why is not two years why isn't that 10 years what's with the 12 month wise at 1 year we know that after person goes to heaven he has to go through a trial and then he goes but have it and then he has his alibi and his hey lack of vanadium but before he gets there he has to go through sometimes he has to go to 12 months the most person could be enormous for 12 months here to go through whole process so those four months is nervously there's no one's gonna end up is it about what the enemy's gonna get which part of Canadian is he gonna get so simplified in this world we say how can I go to a wedding if this person next world is suffering so I have to do in this world put myself in a position where I'm uncomfortable because he's uncomfortable up there as well you know this is not a trait that's only found for Michelle you know we have big rabbis and I leave you off for this we have big rabbis who also master distrait I don't know this is something that came naturally to them or they worked on it but there's many stories of how it was once a rabbi who went ahead and he and he was collecting to that car and he comes and knocks and somebody a rich man is born and it was in the middle January was freezing mid zero and he comes along and he starts knocking in this man's door and the guy comes out Ismaili keep her check here you go this is way before like give me a check I want to check I just know how your day is going and he pulls them out of the house and he starts talking to him for twenty minutes otherwise why keeping me for twenty minutes just tell me what you want he says I'll tell you what I want I want the checks just like you told me this for the beginning he says because I'm collecting for people who don't have homes they don't have then have a place to stay then have a place to sleep you live in a house where there's a heater they don't have they don't stick when the benches in the park and therefore I wanted to make sure you know how they feel by standing here outside with me in the cold for 20 minutes now it would give me a fair track that's what everything is there was once a rabbit I went to a hospital he was a sick person and this isn't a hospital he's a person suffering is the next old set of tubes and the wires and IV and he goes home is sleeping at night he can fall asleep and is posting any starting and he realizes how comfortable it is to twist and turn in bed and it says some stuff Wow look how enjoyable it is to twist to turn this guy is connected to IV he cannot do that so the next day goes again this time to sympathize with them to show my understand where you're going through it's must be difficult for you when you're laying in that bed you cannot move we have a lot called the crucial name because only means visiting the sick the truthful name is plural we don't have a half of the crew for them whether you're visiting one person or two people they're always call it's always been the fires always called the pool for him now I saw an explanation given that the reason is because the person was visiting is not only a person his family is also suffering along with him who's gonna pay for the kids tuition who is going to bring the kids to school who's going to make the carpool and therefore you're not just sympathizing with a sick person but everyone else will stick around him his wife his kids hence it's because Halim it's plural but I was thinking what if he has no family what if he has nobody there so they know what the mister is cold it's too cold beautifully because you know who else is suffering you should be stuff written with him you should come to a point where not just sympathizing with it but you're empathizing I'm you could feel his pain to such an extent and now we better take you back to where we ended off with Michelle bainite is walking back from from the field with the feet that appears to him and told us says I got appeared to moshe in the burning bush and moshe saw a no-show turn around but the rabbi's say don't beat this pursue and got a pizza michelle by the burning bush and Mosher turn around rather read it and God appeared to watch it because Moshe turns around because he turned around and you look at all the people suffering he didn't just walk straight a full his eyes and close the shades well sure was a person who will look out and to see how it could help even if you cannot necessarily understand what they're going through but at least to come to a point where to somehow sympathize with him and this is why sees God in the burning bush why didn't he appeared to him in lush fields I don't know what some firecrackers over there why did he appear to him and in the burning bush because God says even I empathizing the people even I put myself in a position where I'm not so comfortable because how could I be sitting in heaven on my throne as my Jew and the Jews are suffering in Egypt so this is a character trait that even God possesses so maybe we emulate the big rabbis we emulate ma chere and most of all Hashem and become the compassionate people when we came to this world to become thank you for listening