Stop trying to just 'SAVE' your marriage

hey friends I find myself in the holy city of Jerusalem and I'd like to share with you an incredible marriage Insight Simon cck is an inspirational speaker and he has career advice and I want you to watch this short video but I strongly believe that his career advice isn't just good for careers but actually for marriages and it's a very different approach than when most people see things take a look if you ever seen skiers go through trees do you know how they do that it's very easy if you go through trees on skis and you go don't hit a tree don't hit a tree don't hit a tree guess what you're watching you're only looking at trees as opposed to follow the snow follow the path follow the path the only thing you see is the path if you say don't hit a tree you'll hit a tree if you say only follow the path you actually don't see any trees there's actually very sparse trees it's the same thing for you if you focus on the obstacles all you will see as obstacles if you focus on the path through the trees all you will see is path through the tree it's your Choice how you choose to perceive your own career so when I see couples that I I actually this is exactly what I do instead of hey what are the issues that you're going through what are the problems let me teach you how to avoid this issue and this issue and this issue don't hit this tree don't hit that tree don't hit that tree which is essentially inspiring couples to ruminate on issues I ask them what are your best hopes from our discussion because the moment I could establish what they want I can have a conversation about that and when I have a conversation about what they want you can't have issues and what you want instead of the issue at the same time the more you talk about issues the more you find issues the more relevant those issues become I'm not saying we need to be problem phobic but what I am saying is that the more we become aware of what we want the more we have a conversation about that the more we talk about that The More We crave it the more real it becomes and the more that opens our mind to start looking for Solutions toward that and this is so first of all this is research based there's a lot of research that supports this um but beyond that this is a very Jewish approach because Judaism strongly asserts that a little bit of light dispels a lot of darkness and instead of trying to fight Darkness focus on this issue and focus on that issue and start weeding out this and weeding out that the moment you become aware of what you want as a couple instead of that issue and even what you want as an individuals what you really want now you might say hey that's not compatible I beg to different um that's a part of a larger discussion and you can we can talk about that you can reach out to me but I I I want to assert that if you can establish what you really want um not not just what you say you want but what you really want which is mean which means what you want and why what you want is important to you on a very deep level the moment you can establish that is the moment you can move forward together despite the issues because even if psychologically emotionally intellectually there's going to be differences deep down inside if you're married you find yourself married to your spouse it's because there is a connection and what you want is an incredible uh start point to find that connection okay that's my story and I'm sticking to it