What this Doctor Just Said About People is WAY OFF

Dr John delone is a very wise person and I have a lot of respect for him however he said something recently in an interview that I totally disagree with because I believe it can actually put unnecessary limitations on people take a listen to what he said I I can't tell you and I know you've experienced this too whether it's a whether it's a single mom with three kids just trying to figure out what day it is or it's a multi- multi-millionaire who's got resources that far exceed anything I imagine I've I've rarely rarely sat down across from somebody and had them be able to articulate what do you actually want they cannot answer that question and they fill it with addictions they fill it with Hobbies they fill it with uh dopamine Chase they fill it with so much stuff and nobody can answer that question what do you want because I we just don't have a culture that has a shared vision of where we're headed with a culture of you're hurting in somebody else's fault and let's let's start pointing fingers and man we've got to circle the wagons on a shared Vision moving forward to say people don't know what they want I I believe that's totally inaccurate people at heart do know what they want they may not be at a point where they're ready to admit it to their to themselves or to you to the therapist or to their spouse or to whoever they're having a conversation with and the reason is because what somebody wants is incredibly deep incredibly vulnerable it's a very deep part of us right if you were to dismiss what I wanted I'd be deeply offended because it's such a deep part of me so people do know what they want they may not be ready to admit it to themselves they may not be ready to admit it to other people but if you want to become more aware of what people want which is incredibly healing uh process by the way knowing what you want is even more healing than knowing what's wrong with you and if you want to become more aware of what somebody else wants you got to do two things number one you got to approach them with the stance that they know what they want approaching them with the stance that they might not know what they want because they're in so much pain or because they have so much addiction because they have or they're filling with somebody the moment we do that we're showing that we don't fully believe in them we have to fully believe in people we have to drop the cynicism number two when asking people what they want take them seriously don't say no no no but what do you really want because then that creates unnecessary resistance even if somebody gives a shallow answer following up with the right type of questions can actually help you become more aware of what you want for example if somebody gives a shallow answer so what do you want Oh I want to go golfing that's a shallow answer and someone might say well that's not good enough what you could say is and what would that do for you what difference would that make to youus calls this and pus there is superficial will and there is deeper will and rather than dismissing somebody's superficial will so you can get to their know focus on what you really want use one's superficial wheel as a catalyst to understand their PR with follow-up questions if you went golfing what difference would that make in your life uncover the depth I had a colleague who was counseling a 15-year-old child Adolescent and he asked the Adolescent so what do you want right what are your best hopes from our discussion the Adolescent said honestly I'm at a point where I'm ready to do the worst he was ready to God forbid take his life and rather than saying well you're not ready to think about what you want because you want to do this he just rolled with it and if you did that what difference would that make in your life what would that do what would that do for you well I'd feel peace I'd feel peaceful he uncovered what he really wanted not by disagreeing with him or saying hey he's not ready but by following up with questions that shows that he's taking this person seriously and believes in him the moment we believe with in people and we're ready to believe in people at all costs and not let go and we're going to be able to really ascertain what people want and that's going to be very healing that's my story and I'm sticking to it