Why do Jews dance at weddings?

why do we need to make them happy are they not happy it's the happiest day of their life and they need me what do they need me for are they not happy okay friends The Story begins We are continuing another passage secrets of the talmud and this is uh an idea in the talud that conveys the importance of dancing at weddings Judaism highly regards the Mitzvah or obligation of making the bride and groom joyous making them happy it's a big deal it's a big deal in Judaism um by the way I I contrast this to let's say a secular wedding right you go to a Jewish wedding and men and women are dancing separately and if somebody's not familiar with that culture it's like what are you guys doing didn't know this community was like that right and and if somebody's not culturally competent and what exactly is going on they might not understand it but the reason is one of the reasons besides concerns is that we're not there to have a good time although that would be nice as well nothing wrong with having a good time but that's not why you're at the wedding you're at the wedding for the bride and groom themselves to make them happy you're there to dance with them in fact there's a story in the talmud it's not our passage of talmud that we're discussing now but it's a fascinating story story in tractate kot K where it talks about the laws of marriage documents and the tud says that there was a rabbi named RAB Shimon Ben I believe Shimon bin [Music] Alazar and he was at a wedding he was a he was like a prominent Rabbi and prominent Sage of his times in the times of the tud and he's at this wedding and he's dancing and he's getting what seemed to be frivolous it got to the point that he took three Myrtle branches and he starts juggling them at the wedding so Pi picture this it's not some young Yeshiva student some young kid it's a picture a prestigious Rabbi with a long black coat and he walks in and everybody you know he has the whole Persona and he gets on the dance floor and and rabbi R zra comes up to him and says rebi what are people going to say about us sages what is the image you're painting for us why don't you consider the ramifications of what you're doing here and he disregards him and he continues dancing they were trying to stop him and he says no he keeps going he was doing it intentionally he had a reason later when R RAB Shimon Lazar had passed away a p a pillar of fire came and and illuminated his grave and apparently that I mean I've never seen that before right the tal says apparently that something that only happened once in every few generations to distinct people and they're trying to figure out what did rabish Shimon do that was so unique in his life that he merited this great divine revelation that he Save a Life did he what did he do they realized it's because of this dancing at the wedding and the language that the T uses the was because of the what we call Theus means literally translates as the foolishness of what this rabbi did because he was acting foolish he merited a divine revelation teaching takes it a step further foolishness means he was irrational about his relationship with God about doing the right thing which is which is good you do it because it's true because that connection is real not just because you know sometimes if we calculate too much how should I be dancing at the wedding into what you know certain things can't be manufactured and real Joy shouldn't be manufactured it should break all boundaries so the talmud in our passage over here talks about the importance of dancing at weddings and as you'll soon see this is related to the holiday coming up to the holiday of shabas um if you go to 6B on the link or you'll find it much quicker with the picture that I had sent you rabi halbo it says helbo it's kbo rabbo said that Runa said anyone who benefits from the Feast of a groom but does not cause him to Rejoice violates the f voices mentioned in this verse in the following biblical verse we're going to quote as it is stated the voice of joy and the voice of gladness you know this may sound familiar from the right the voice of Joy the voice of gladness the voice of the groom and the voice of the Bride the voice of those who say give thanks to the Lord of hosts there's five voices related to to uh the bride and groom and if one neglects to Rejoice to dance um they're they're neglecting those five voices for the Lord is good for his Mercy lasts forever we're just continuing the sentence even of those who bring a thanks offering to the house of the Lord for I will restore the Captivity of the land as it was in the beginning says the Lord this is from Jeremiah these five voices in the context of a bride and groom correspond to the five voices mentioned in the context of of the Revelation at Sinai as in Song of Songs the day of the Revelation at Sinai is alluded to by the phrase is wedding day right so this is connected to Mount Si to the sin stic event the Revelation at Sinai where also God the Torah mentions five voices right of God five distinct voices of God and what is his reward by the way Mike I think you'll you'll appreciate this and David um why five voices what's the significance a five so I read one of the commentaries explain this is just parenthetical there are eight scales on the music uh eight uh not eight uh what do we call it eight notes in the active notes yeah eight notes on the um on the music scale three of them I don't know if this is musically Che or not but I assume it is three of them are used for speaking right your tonation when speaking doesn't vary that much when you sing there's a lot more um fluctua right in your tonation so three notes generally you're within a three note range when it comes to to speaking right sometimes you'll speak medium sometimes you'll speak a little bit higher a little bit lower a little bit of a combination the other five are for singing and specifically singing for God and specifically singing to the bride and groom and if somebody neglects that they're neglecting those five notes they're wasting those five notes that God gave them so that's what some of the commentaries explain got to share that with your group um by the way just real quick you were saying oh it should be RAB by HBO and that HBO like in the in the in the English text there's a there's a DOT underneath the H instead of CH they put the dot oh interesting that make it a harder that makes it the sound okay interesting okay thanks for putting that out interesting sure sure interesting what okay let's read a little bit further and we're going to unpack this because we're going to discover something incredible what is his reward if he causes the groom to Rejoice RAB Yeshua bin Ley said he's privileged to acquire the Torah which was given with five voices as it is stated and we're going to learn about this on sh we're going to read this and it was on the third day when it was the morning there were sounds colot right and lightninging and thick Cloud upon the mountain and the voice of the chofar the plural colote indicates at least two sounds while the voice of the chaar is one more that's three the passage continues and when the voice of the chofar grew louder and louder Moses spoke and God answered him by a voice along the three previous voices the second chofar and the voice with which God answered Moses amount to a total of five voices at the Revelation at sin so the talmud says just as at Mount Sinai which was like this wedding between God and the Jewish people right there were five voices at a wedding there are five voices and we can access this if we bring joy to the bride and groom now there is a lot uh that needs to be unpacked here and what we're going to hopefully learn in the next whatever it is 20 minutes I don't know depending on how long this takes right we're going to hopefully learn is a few things few questions that I'd like to just address number one what's you don't have to memorize these questions we're going to go through them and we'll have total Clarity but I just want to give you a a a teaser over here what's the connection between marriage and Torah right you make a groom happy it's like you're experiencing the five voices at Sinai because at Sinai it was like a wedding well what's the connection between a wedding and and Mount Si um what's the reason that we need to bring joy to the bride and to the groom right and why is that why is Joy so crucial here why is that the focus how about give them education tell them how to be respect I know premarital education bring them Joy I don't know just why why Joy but why is that connected to the Torah number three to me this is interesting why do we need to make them happy are they not happy it's the happiest day of their life and they need me what do they need me for are they not happy um number four what are these sounds that we're talking about what are we referring to I mean historically there was this sound at s but but I'm tapping into this sound what does this whole sound thing represent what does it mean to me what does it mean to my soul okay these are the four things I'd like to unpack slowly tonight because this is going to give us incredible Insight in understanding Joy understanding relationships understanding Judaism let's start from the top the connection between the giving of the Torah and marriage um I mean that was our marriage with God right we know this from King salomon's entire book entire treatment Song of Songs where he describes the giving of the Torah at Mount Si as a marriage with the Jewish people here's an interesting thing there's a commentary known as the torat lived about I'm going to say 150 years ago and he said something interesting you know what the connection between marriage to Torah is without Torah you lack true morality and your existence becomes very much about what I want not about what I need to do not about responsibility but just about things um that's not to say that there aren't moral people who don't believe in Torah but how do you know it's true north how do you know it's true morality how many people are protesting on campus now no have no idea what they're protesting they think they're Pro and and they're essentially calling for the death of Jewish people in the name of morality Ian Hitler did the same thing in the name of morality we got to make sure the Aryan race prevails so without Torah you don't have morality you don't have truth you don't have a proper world the only way to make sure we stay true north is to have an objective law system that is not a social con construct not a cultural construct not a personal opinion construct but a real true construct apparently they did a study a couple years ago I thought this was amazing of people going into coffee shops and saying I have $5 singles can I trade you for an actual $5 bill to random people but they actually hand them $6 to a certain number of people they rudely interrupted them the guy asking for the money switch rudely interrupted them with a phone call sorry you're like but like abruptly and rudely and apparently there was a high percentage of people who were interrupted that kept the extra dollar they felt Justified he wasted my time he was rude to me I'm going to keep his dollar and the people that he was actively courteous to oh you forgot dollar people felt justified in keeping that dollar because they felt they were slided they created their own morality and their own morality was it's okay to steal even a dollar but what if somebody felt slighted by that dollar but revered God and said well God doesn't let me steal who cares if I feel slighted why is that relevant right in order for the world to function properly there has to be an objective truth in order for human life to function properly there has to be marriage just and this is what the Torah T says in order for the world uh to exist um physiologically you need to have marriage in order for the world to exist morally and spiritually you need to have Torah they are both means of of propagating the existence of the world in a meaningful way they're intrinsically connected but let's take it a step further let's take it a step further what is Torah the Torah is a firm connection we have a firm commitment to values that's what marriage is right with the Torah I'm going to uphold values and morality and Truth Divine morality not just my feelings and I need to incorporate that in a marriage in order for the world to continue now the Talon makes a point that this has to be done with joy right that's a big deal to the point that we're somebody to show up to this wedding and not dance not only did he lose an opport Unity but he's actually um he's doing something wrong it's like you're transgressing you're transgressing the five voices we'll unpack what that means soon but you go to that wedding and you don't dance you're you're lacking five voices that you're you're missing something and if you do dance you're gaining something incredible and why is that important why do we need to bring joy uh to the bride and groom why do they need Joy before we ask why we need to bring them the joy why do they need Joy why is that crucial so here's an interesting thing the talmud says a different passage in the talmud says you may be familiar with the statement it says that creating um marital matches for God is as difficult as splitting the sea have you heard that statement before that's what the says that finding a match right needle and the hay stack it's as difficult for God as as it is splitting the sea and commentaries Wonder like how could that be hard for God how could anything be hard for God one way that commentaries view it is that it's not the finding the match that's hard as much as it is sustaining the marriage that's hard that's as difficult as splitting the Sea and the reason is because this is interesting listen to this the reason is because what happens when you split the sea you take one entity and you turn it into two a wall here and a wall there and it's like two different C's um a marriage is taking two entities and trying to merge them make them one two very different entities two very different people who grew up in different homes different backgrounds different schools different everything and and it's like the moment you exit Thea you're expected to be one and you are one you might not feel one yet you might not feel one all the time but you are one but to feel one that is difficult how are two people supposed to merge how is it possible and the answer is Joy because the moment we have joy the moment we have S we kind of let go of things that don't matter we Overlook the things that don't matter and you're able to connect happy people are able to connect with people much easily much more easier than unhappy people this is an incredible paradigm shift because we often think well if I connect to the right person I'll be happy right and if only I had this I'll be happy and we often see happiness or Sim or joy as a result of experiences and what we're saying here is if we intentionally employ Joy don't look for Joy but use joy as a tool it's actually going to help us better connect and find Oneness and um this is very much connected with receiving the Torah at Mount Si because if we do it with joy if we do it with Sim if we do it if it's pleasurable and enjoyable it's something we can not just do as a checklist but something we can actually become one with it's something we Unite with this is goes back to the marriage analogy and Narrative of giving the Torah at Mount Si it has to be with joy because God is saying at Mount Si on the holiday of sh I want to connect with you I want to become one with you the Torah will be that mechanism the Torah is what I'm going to be handing you just as a groom hands the bride a ring and says you're going to be mine we're going to be one God is handing us the Torah and saying we're going to be one we're going to unite commentaries point out we actually learned this in chapter 46 of Tanya that when we say a blessing prior to doing a Mitzvah what do we sayu God hadu Sanctified us the wordu comes from the word kin to marry to betro right as a husband gives the wife the ring and says I'm marrying you God is giving us a Mitzvah we're grabbing it and he's marrying us but if we want to feel one and not just believe that we're one we have to have SIM we have to have joy and we got to bring that Joy to the bride and groom so we could help them become one and on Shas we have to have joy so we with God can become one you know there's a custom a tradition I don't think this is I think this is a tradition exclusive Toad and you may not have noticed this because I don't know if I don't know how how prominent it is but but it is cited in kabad sources that after the reading of the Ten Commandments on CH which is an incredible experience in Revelation right it's like hearing the show it's a big deal and there's a tradition to wish each other Ma we just had the marriage we just had the wedding with God we just experienced this we have to celebrate it we have to have joy so we could actually feel the Oneness and if that's the case that brings us to our next question shouldn't they be happy what do they need us for I I mean everything we preach about in in marriage and Intimacy in Judaism is that relationships are private intimacy is private we don't go around posting in social media our most intimate moments together we C right even and then all of a sudden it's like day one let's start this marriage on the right foot with everybody else trying to make us happy like what do we what do we need other people for they should be happy inherently what do they need people to be happy for and they they shouldn't uh I mean their happiness together should be very intimate and very real and and very personal it shouldn't be broadcasted why are we making such a big deal about making sure people come and take part in the Sim take part in the joy what do you say well it's actually it it it's a question I guess as well as a comment but you know when whenever I hear about like what what the myth is it's like come and celebrate with you know we're commanded to come and celebrate with the bride and groom now if you just hear those words as they are come celebrate with one could say Well they're already happy and we're just there to celebrate with them in their happiness we're there to pity to to piggyback okay yeah right so so how does that help them then they should be happy without us well but they are we're just there to celebrate with them in their happiness so it's for us you're saying well so I I could buy that question no no no I I could so theoretically I like that I could buy that it's it's it's for us right they're we're trying to we want the happiness to be contagious however the tomwood sees it as an obligation for us to show up there and be happy with them it's not like this is in your best interest it's like you got to do this it sounds like it's more for them than it is for us yeah perhaps I don't know I'm I'm just pushing back here right just uh but here's what one of the commentaries pointed out in the laws of yov my Mones in his compendium of Jewish law points out something fascinating he talks about the mitvah ofam on the on every single yam on every single Passover you also have a Mitzvah to be happy yeah have a Mitzvah have it's a it's a Biblical commandment it like you have an obligation to eat Mata on Passover at the right time the right amount the right time frame like everything right you have to sit in the Su on suus you have to shake you have to hear the you have to have now how that's defined here's what my mon says anybody who is neglecting the poor po neglecting the widows neglecting the lonely neglecting the Levites because the Levites didn't have a portion in the land right they're sustained by the public by all the regular taxpayers if you're neglecting these people and you're just focused on your joyous yam in your own home with your own food and you're neglecting them my mon the ram says that's not sim y that is not the joy of the holiday that is what we call simat ter that's the joy of your stomach that's what my mod says if it's Joy that's inward exclusively inward Joy should be inward as well but but if it's exclusively inward he says we're not going to call that the joy of God that's going to be the joy of your stomach the joy of God has to be outward of sharing of passing it on to others so on the start of their new life together of a couple's new life together together we want to make sure they're going to have real joy and that real Joy is not going to be exclusively inward that Joy is going to radiate outward and it's going to illuminate to other people around to the point that we're going to make it an obligation for other people to show up and experience that and we have to have that Joy on Shu as well CU shu is the marriage between us and God and we have to radiate that to every single Jew outward right find another Jew who says sh I don't know I I do kanah right we have to find another Jew who's not maybe doesn't know yet how beautiful Shabu is and share with him or her the beauty bring them to the Ten Commandments make them eat cheesecake too right it's important to to to radiate that Joy outward so it's not just an internal Joy this brings us to our final question the voices If you experience the joy of a bride and groom you experience the voices you experience the voices that had been given at Mount Si the five voices what are these voices right what are the significance of these voices I want to just go back refer to the text here for a second RAB Yeshua bin Ley said if you rejoice with the groom you Merit the Torah which was given with five voices what's a voice you know what a voice is so the the the is a very long talk actually on this little piece over here and he says something so interesting this is amazing voice is code word I mean the Torah speaks and even the talmud not just the Bible but the talmud itself speaks in code language right it has these cryptic instructions and we have to kind of unpack them through the commentaries so what's a voice voice is code word for Revelation that's what a voice is the voice of God well wait a minute God doesn't have a mouth so we're speaking anthropomorphically but God doesn't actually have a mouth and the moment we take that too literally it actually becomes idolatrous it can't be liable voice is a mechanism of Revelation the way I reveal to you what is in the most inner depths of my heart my mind my values my thoughts how can I convey that with you to you right I could write it down I could share it with you I can sign voice is a mechanism of Revelation and there's five voices there's five types of Revelations there's five types of connections or there's five types of experiences that's essentially what a revelation is an experience and there's five ways to experience God normally we are operating on one or any combination of four of these experiences so on a m on a macrocosmic level on a large scale there's the four worlds that cabala talks about we've touched upon the four worlds in Ouran studies a little bit of our sitter studies as well the world of starting from top down Aus Bria y AIA and when we say world we don't mean a geographic location but we mean perspective or or plane or space there's different spaces of clarity right a a trigonometry professor and myself can be in the same physical space but in different worlds right so you have different worlds you have different levels of clarity of divine revelation in the highest of worlds in Aus you have incredible Clarity you may not even have faith because you have no doubts there's nothing to doubt it's just it's right there um in contrast the other side of the spectrum our world the world of action the world of AIA faith is something we have to develop we have to nurture we have to work on because there's so much lack of divine revelation just a minute amount enough just little teasers that we have to unpack as we are right now but on a microcosmic level as well you have your four levels five levels of the Soul right but there's four layers uh of the soul that we generally operate on right the neish the there is the most outer layer of the Soul which is our behavioral selves how we act which might mean a connection with God based on what I do right or going back to the marriage narrative that we're talking about hopefully I respect my spouse or my spouse respects me but it's action based right I act respectfully she acts respectfully it's action then you go a little bit deeper an emotional connection how I feel it's pretty that's pretty deep that's a big deal an emotional connection but again emotions fluctuate emotions change emotions can be less mature more mature emotions can be shaped by you emotions don't happen in a vacuum and what is the context for which emotions are developed our maturity intellectual connection that's even deeper a third level of the soul but then you have the drive your drive your will your rutson that's pretty deep you know the famous statement nothing gets in the way of will I want this to work I want this connection right nothing can get in the way of your dve um unless you're like sleeping then your drive is not active but once you are driven what gets in the way of that but again it still has its limitations there is an even deeper connection the fifth level the fifth level of the soul that we have spoken about in the past the essence of the Soul going back to what we were talking about earlier there's aode code word for the in cabalistic and andic teachings and manuscripts pleasure pleasure is the deepest part of you and if your connection with God is just enjoyable because it's who I am it's not just what drives me it's not just my perspective it's not just I'm going through the different levels here it's not just my passion my emotional uh interest and it's not just something I do behaviorally it it literally is who I am right that's what a marriage is a marriage is we are essentially connected not because we love each other we try to love each other because we're connected because we're married God said at Mount Si I am the Lord your God I'm Yours your mine we're essentially connected nothing's going to get in the way that that's the five voices it's the fifth voice the highest level of revelation where God says I'm not just revealing to you my love for you I'm revealing to you the fifth level my innate essential connection with you yeah so um maybe I'm maybe my recollection is is wrong on this but but I I what I thought you were going to say is not what you said um and I'm glad what I'm glad what you said is what you said but I was thinking oh I know right I was thinking oh the the fifth the fifth voice is the Revelation from Hashem that we could not bear when he first revealed himself to us and we passed away right we couldn't we couldn't handle it right now is is that the wrong term reveal at that point no that that's okay you're you're mentioning a very good point there there is truth to that right it it's hard to operate on a Rel on a level um it's hard to operate on with that relationship on a regular basis if it doesn't come from you it came from God right it it wasn't that that's why um the tablets ended up breaking we ended up passing away and Moses had to break the tablets because we ended up cheating you know we we couldn't handle it couldn't handle the truth right at some point we need Shas but at some point we have to go back to real life and integrate it within ourselves and work our way up but you do that through Sim you do that through dancing you do that through joy that helps us integrate it that helps us make our that essenti connection more sustainable okay that's my story and I'm sticking to it