Rabbi Maor Bendel | New Year New You

Hashem, we're back this week, back strong. One person asked me, "Rabbi, how could it be that you didn't come one one class?" Actually, it's funny. I got a text last week. Somebody texted me said to me, [snorts] [laughter] it's a little bit funny to say it. Texted me, "How could [clears throat] it be? How dare you give your give me?" [laughter] I said to him, "Let me explain to you." Very simple. I said all year. How many weeks is there in a year? >> 52 weeks in a year. Everyone agrees. 52 weeks in the year. I said 52 weeks in a year. Every single week. Four times a week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday on Shabbat and sometimes on Sunday and sometimes on Shabbat and sometimes twice on Tuesdays and sometimes twice on Wednesdays. Hashem I give Shib. So what does that mean? I'm not with my wife on Monday. I'm not with my wife on wife on Tuesday. I'm not my wife on Wednesday night. I'm not with her on Thursday night and sometimes even other nights of the week. Said she's she gives up all year long. So one week of the year you guys give up. So she can have a week for my kids. And someone asked me we got to rest. I said there's a rest with three kids. There's no rest. There's no rest. Needs to be done. Now, with that being said, I think we'll just tie it into this week's topic. And really, we weren't here last week. We didn't talk about last week's para. And it ties in so beautifully to this week's para that I'm going to start from last week's para and then I'm going to build into this week's para. So bear with me. We're going to get there. Last week's starts off with one of seemingly one of the most important means that pertain to how do we know commands the Jewish nation before they go into the land of Israel one thing that Hashem is concerned with is telling them that they need to bring something called what's that you have to bring the first of the produce of the land to Hashem you have to bring it in a basket to the you have to say and you have to say this You have to say a whole thing we're giving over there. Now, we'll get into that in a minute. But why was Hashem so concerned that when we come into that we're going to go and we're going to give the first of of the produce, what was the concern? Out of all the all the things that we could do in Hashem is so concerned that the first thing we're going to do is bring produce. Hashem needs produce. Hashem needs your apple. Hashem needs your he needs your potato. Huh? Hashem needs a sweet potato. He needs a cucumber. Huh? I'm joking. Obviously, it's talking about the seven grains. Huh? He needs your date, your he needs any of these things. Your olives. He needs any of these things. >> So why is so concerned about these things? You have to understand a Jewish nation is living in living in the desert living in a for 40 years. They eat, sleep, what? All day. They don't have to work. They don't have to do laundry. Clothes are clean for them. They don't have to do nothing. They're living 100% on Hashem on Hashem's table. And Hashem says, "You're going to go into a land now and what are you going to do? You're going to plant. You're going to sew. You're going to reap. You're going to harvest. You're going to do all these things. And what's your heart going to tell you?" Says the week's in last week's when Hashem details out, he says something very interesting. the land that Hashem gave you. Ask why does Hashem need to tell me the land that Hashem gave you? Just tell me when I get to the land. Give the land that Hashem gave you. Why don't you tell me that? Explains there are four commandments over here. Hashem gave us four commandments in one of them is that as soon as we get into is the first thing we have to do is throw out all of the last inhabitants. Why? We have to get rid of them completely. Even if you think it's good or bad, no, maybe I'll use them, they'll use the crap. No. Hashem says get rid of them completely. Why? Because is not like every other land in the whole entire world. Is one of the holiest places in the whole entire world. And because of that it cannot take impurity. What does that mean? The is literally cannot take impurity. And if it happens in will literally spit out the inhabitants. So because they were doing and all the things that they were doing and multiple times tells us warns us don't go in the ways of these people. So first things first you have to get rid of them. Second thing, second, it's avah every minute. You know, one of the most beautiful holidays, we're going to get there soon. You want to know why? You can sit in this hot outside your house, if it's a modular, if it's made out of bad, whatever it is that you have in your every single minute you're in the suka, have a mitzvah, as long as you every single minute you sit in a suka, you have a mitzvah. You sleep in it, you eat in it, you have a mitzvah. You know what else in the world you have a mitzvah every single minute is when you're sleeping is from another commandment we have is to be third commandment to bring the annually to the to the mikdash and the fourth commandment is that if your heart is going to tell you that your heart's going to tell you oh you You know why I have all these fruits? You know why I have all these beautiful produce is because I worked. I plowed. I reaped. I sold. I did all of the work. It's like a guy going to work right now. Now, anyone who works in sales, they know how does it work in sales? You have a guy who comes new in this the floor. He doesn't know how to sell. So, what does he do? He comes, he has a client. He has someone that he thinks he can. So, what does he do? He brings it to the upper guy. Yeah. He's the sell guy. So, what does he do? He spends hours trying to figure out. He searches the guy. Where is he from? Ohio, where is he from? Kentucky. He searches up where he's from and he tries to find things with him. Oh, I love fishing. I love going to basketball. I love this and trying to find ways to connect with the guy cuz he thinks he's doing sales tactics. Now, a guy works on a guy for two months. He finally closes the deal. And as soon as he closes the deal, you tell HIM, "HEY, BY THE WAY, YOU DIDN'T CLOSE this deal. I shouldn't close the deal." Guy says, "Hey, come on. Is he joking with me? I just spent on the phone with this guy's hour building connection. I know his kid's name. He knows my kid's name. We sent each other pictures. I'm building a relationship with him. You tell me Hashem is the one who closed the deal. I closed the deal. That's the you didn't close nothing. You didn't close anything. Actually, one time I had a guy tell me he's I guess the number one salesman in his office, the number one closer. He told me I had a client one time. Everything I told him was a I called him. I said, "I love basketball course. I know I like soccer." He said, "Oh, I love to go fish. I hate fishing." [laughter] Everything he tried to connect with that guy didn't work with him. So who decides who makes that connection says one of the commandments over here gave us is what what is one of the commandments he gave us to know that everything comes from Hashem and therefore Hashem was concerned that we're going to get we're going to work we're going to do things with our hands and we're going to think you know who owns everything you know who did everything you know where everything came from from me Hashem says you're wrong right away first thing you do is you give back to and not because I need your produce And not because I need any of it. It's one thing I need from you. One thing to appreciate. One thing asked from every single person in the world is to appreciate. And I can even tell you guys that the first sin in the world was appreciation. The first real thing that got upset about that we were punished for is appreciation. How do you know? I've said it millions of times. What's the first sin everybody knows? That he ate from. Now, I've said this a million a few times, but I'll say it again just for the point. Now, you tell your son, you're a parent, if you're a parent, you tell your son, don't do something. And you come home and you find him doing the thing you tell him not to do. What are you going to do? >> Angry. >> Get angry. Tells Adam, don't eat from what does he do? He adds he tells his wife don't touch I can't eat you can't touch he said I'm going to make I'm going to make a certain boundary comes he says oh [groaning] don't touch what he say don't touch no problem pushes her touches on the tree oh you see you're okay so if you can touch you can eat she eats and then she realizes that I'm going down if I'm going down my husband's coming with me she convinces husband to also eat now what happens now Hashem doesn't know Eight. Let's be hon. What does Hashem say? Where are you? Where are you? Hashem doesn't know where they are. And they're hiding behind trees. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sounds like a kindergarten story. No, you're reading a kids book. Mazak is like, "Oh, where are you? Where are you? What's where are you?" And then he finally finds them. What are you doing hiding? Huh? What are you doing hiding? Oh, when Oh, who told you naked? What is this game? You don't know that I ate from the tree? You know I ate from the tree. So why is playing this game? Where are you? Who told you naked? Why you hiding? Why you playing this game with him? Cuz when a father tells a kid who's a little bit a little bit of head on his mind knowledge, then the father can get upset with the son. When the kid does something not from a place of of understanding, a three-year-old, you can only get so upset with him. So, what do you do? You try to explain to him in a way that he can understand. Oh, why did that happen? No, I didn't I didn't I didn't eat the the chocolate. Also, how come there's chocolate on your lips? Oh, my sister put it there. Oh, she put it there. Why am I not screaming him right away? I see the chocolate. I know he ate. Because I'm trying to explain to him that first of all, you can't lie. Second of all, this chocolate on your lips. It's very obvious until says the woman you gave me. Oh, the woman I gave you. Oh, that's how you appreciate what I gave you in life. What's his punishment from the sweat of your brow? You're going to eat bread, food. Why? Go work hard to appreciate what you have. Over here, I give you everything. You didn't appreciate it. How do you know the biggest present I gave you? You told me the woman you gave me. Go work hard. Hashem said I created the world. I want my and according to the is actually was the whole purpose of creation that the souls were in the upper realm and they were constantly they were surrounding and we got everything. What happens to a kid who gets everything from his parent? Huh? He gets spoiled. Right? So our got spoiled and we came to we want to appreciate what you give us. We don't know what the word appreciation means, but we want to be thankful. We don't want to take the things you give us for granted. And Hashem says, "If you don't want to take it for granted, you have to go down to the world and work. You're going to have to go and you have to work in order for you to appreciate what you have." And we said, "Okay." And Hashem brought us down into the world and won. And the ultimate test was in that moment to say, "Thank you, Hashem, for my wife. I sinned. Please forgive me." And everything would have been fine. How do you know? It's actually one of the things we're going to talk about in that after the extensive amount of curses, the Jewish nation were afraid. Says, "This is last day of life. The Jewish nation were afraid. I look you just hit us with the almost 100 curses. Where you going now? [laughter] And we do that. Your enem is going to be you're going to kill. You gave me almost 100 curses. Okay. Bye guys. [laughter] Well, bye guys. Now they were terrified. They were afraid tells them don't worry. All of these this brings down all of these curses are really going to be blessings for you. Now we're going to explain in a maybe in a moment how it could all be blessings. Maybe okay we'll give a point to maybe illustrate that point. How every curse can be a blessing explained to them something very nice that it can be presented as a parable. What's the parable? A curse is only a curse if you do what the thing is that will bring upon the curse. So there was a certain parable of friends who live next to this mountainous regions. Now what happens when people live in next to mountains, beautiful mountains, like to go hiking. So there was six friends and every day they like to go hiking. They love to go hiking. That was their favorite thing to do in the whole entire world. Hike. Now one day they're going on these trails. Every day different trails. And they see over there kind of like a closed off area. Do not enter. But little uh sign over there, do not enter. So they tell themselves, "Okay, big deal. We have a 100 different places to go travel." But day after day after day after day, they're coming and they're passing by the same sign. So what happens is a saying in America, curiosity killed the cat, the cat. Curiosity kill the cat. They want to know what's going on over there. So eventually they couldn't take it anymore. They saw every other trail. They wanted to go to this trail says do not enter. So what did they do? They just walk around the sign and they just keep on going at the trail and they're walking. Okay, no big deal. Everything looks fine. And as they're going all of a sudden they see tape. Do not enter. We're going to stop now. [laughter] We already got this far. So what do they do? Walk around the tape. And then they keep on going. And what do they see over there? Electric wires. Wires. Electric fur. You touch it, get electric. So, what are we going to do? They looked to the right. They looked at the left. They realized they could just walk around it. We just walk around. Actually, reminds me of a story. I wasn't last week. I wasn't here, right? So, 3 years ago was the first time I went with my kids last I went also last week to Lancaster, Pennsylvania. 3 years ago, I went with my kids to Lancaster. Now, if you ever been to Lancaster, it's Amish town. So, everyone gets around with a horse. You're walking over there. You see just the Amish people with a chariot and a horse and they're going around. So, as you're driving, you see lots of horses. very majestic, very big, very beautiful. So, we one time stopped by a store and next door there was like an like a closed area with horses inside. It was closed with some wires and I walked over with my son at the time maybe he was 2 and a half and I woke up with him and we look at the horses and he's standing he's holding on to this uh wires and he's looking inside. After about a minute, I tell him, "Okay, Ako, let's go." And I touched the wire and it zaps me. And I realized that my son has been holding on to electric wires for the last minute. Didn't say a peep. He's been holding on today watching the horses. I came back to my said, I don't know what kind of superhuman baby you created. One minute, not a peep. Not complaining about no electricity. Maybe I don't know. Maybe it moves different currents for kids. I don't know. But I got z. They see these wires say, "Okay, what's the big deal?" And they keep on going. Now, they get to a certain point where they don't know it, but the owner of the property lays down bear traps. So, they're walking and all of a sudden they hear something. They turn around and no one's foot got stuck in it. But one of the guys, they cut his foot. It was just grazed him and they cut his foot. Everyone's looking okay. You okay? No, I'm going to be all right. Just get up. Can't walk. I can't continue. So one friend tells him, "You know what? I'm going to volunteer. I'm going to stay with him. You guys continue and then come back. Go see what all this is about and then come back." So he's sitting with his friend. This guy just got his foot cut and his friend sitting next to him and four of them go. So he tells his, "I don't get this guy who owns this property. He's so like, okay, you put up a sign and another sign and another sign, but bear trapped. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on. You're over exaggerating." I was like, "Yeah, I don't know what's going on with this guy." And they're waiting. And two hours pass, friends don't come back. Three hours pass, friends don't come back. 4 hours pass, friends don't come back. 5 hours, and then six. Now they're starting to get worried. His friend tells him, "Look, let's go down the mountain. We're not going to be able to go up. Let's go down and maybe we'll send the rescue team or something. I don't know." And they walk down. As soon as they get out of the trail, the other friend is carrying him. They see state troopers. They run to them and says, "Excuse me." Guy says, "What what are you doing over here?" Says, "No, we were hiking with our friends and I got my foot cut and I had to stop." As soon as they say, "Our friends," he sees the state trooper's face turn white and almost like a face of of of remorse and of I'm so sorry comes over the guy's face. So they right away they see it. They said, "What happened?" He goes, "Honestly, you know, want to know why we were here?" He goes, "No, why you why?" It's interesting, actually. Yeah. Why were you guys here? We just came down. You guys are here. What are you doing here? We got a phone call. A woman who lives in the house adjacent to this mountain. Phone called. She said, "You saw four guys hiking up the mountain and then a on top of the mountain, they didn't know, was a a den of bears and they were mowled by the four bears. All four of them were mold by this. Now this is a mash. Yeah, it's a mash. Okay, don't worry. Nothing happened to them. Everybody's okay. What's the mash was telling them gave you these things at the end of the day? Ultimately, they're just telling you don't go this way. And what does the Torah tell? What are all the curses for? In the middle of the curses, tora tells you. You want to know why? because you didn't serve Hashem with happiness and gladness of heart says when you had everything when I gave you everything you didn't appreciate it when I gave you everything you had you didn't appreciate it says gives us two outlooks in life he always makes us look in the one thing that we don't have and we never appreciate things until they're gone Everybody knows the famous story with the husband and the wife. Huh? Husband and wife get married. It's fun. You know, no kids yet. Go restaurants, dating. Ah, vacation. It's nice. And then after comes the baby. Now what happens after the first year? First year. First year. Yeah. What happens to the first year? Comes the baby. Okay. Okay, now a little bit more stressed. There's rent. There's mortgage. There's bills. There's crying. There's not sleeping at night. Your wife is postpartum. They call me and they start to drift a little bit. And then another kid, a little more drift. And another kid, even more drift and more responsibilities and more bills until eventually they're almost completely nothing to do with each other. Now, what happens situation? This is the worst thing you could ever do. telling you guys not right now. Take this to the bank. If you took anything tonight, this is the one thing you should take. The worst thing you could ever do when you're fighting with your spouse is call a friend who is going to tell you you're right. You call your friend. What is he talking about? You're an amazing wife. He's crazy in the head. All she's doing is taking gasoline in the fire. It's already lit. You know the guy who you're doing a barbecue all of a sudden comes with the butane. I don't need it. The fire is already lit. They come and just add fire to the flame. There's no need. And then he calls his mom or somebody else. Big mistake also. Ma, she's crazy. You such an amazing husband. What is she crazy? She should appreciate you. And he comes home. You should appreciate me. And she comes home. You should appreciate me. [laughter] Says it's unfortunately happens. And sometimes unfortunately this couple because no help no direction will come to a place where they get divorced. What happens after they get divorced? Almost instantaneously regret. Guy comes home the house is empty. Woman comes home. I went to a couple who called me cuz you guys know and she told me he's he's my best friend. I come home at night and he's not there to talk to me. Yeah, we fight and we have a revolt and a this and that, but the end of the day I come home at the end of the night and I want to speak to my best friend. I don't miss him as a husband. I miss him as my friend. As a husband, I don't like him, but as my friend, I love him. And same thing with him. He thinks, you know, the plays tricks on a guy or a woman also, especially the men. And I cannot speak for the women, but for the men, they think that when they're married, they think that al every woman in the world wants him. Peter making makes a demonote. Yeah. I'm going to get divorced and I'm going to have every woman in the world lining up. Okay. Okay. Tells him stories in his mind. Why? Cuz he walks around and he gets compliments other places. You married? Yeah. Yeah, I'm married. As soon as he gets divorced, no compliments. No. No. He wants to go on a shid date. No. No. divorce. No, no, [laughter] it's not for me. Huh? The guy in his mind is know it's making movies. What's going to be? Huh? In his mind, he thinks and then he gets the reality and boom, hits him in the face. No, it's not what you thought. Regret after the fact. Why? Because they didn't appreciate what the other person did for them. If a person doesn't take anything for life for granted, person never takes anything for life for granted. He doesn't know. Another worst thing you can do in a marriage is start comparing. Oh, my friend's wife every day comes home, there's dinner on the table over here if I'm lucky three times a week. Oh, the worst possibly do is comparing to online. That's like you already lost cuz why they look online? What do they see? Hey, you know, think everything looks amazing. Women like to read romance novels. Oh, yeah. It's the worst thing for buy. No, in this book the guy okay book you know [laughter] it's only a book who you're comparing to is a fictional character. [laughter] This is what I have to keep up with and it's comparisons big mistake cuz we don't appreciate the sacrifice other people do for us. We don't understand what a sacrifice it is for a woman to have two, three children in the house and even to make you a sandwich. She come over and say, "Thank you so much for making me a sandwich. You didn't even have to do that. I don't know how you did it." I have a guy who today usually I have people on a Monday usually people come they take me to the to the shield. I called him. He's like, "Look, I just came home from work. My wife is here with the baby and the baby's crying. I can come but I don't what should I do?" I told him, "What are you crazy? What's the question?" "Stay there with your wife." Can you guys had a long day? The baby's crying, not giving her time. Sit down with her. What you I don't drive. No, no. I want to take you. No, it's okay. Stay with your wife. We have to appreciate what other person goes through in life. And both ways. It's not easy to be at home all day with the kids and all day. It's not easy to be the one who has to go out to work and so on and so forth. And sometimes both of them work. Sometimes both of them deal with it. It's not easy. And you have to appreciate everything is done for you. The problem is that we don't see the sacrifices that other people do for us. And sometimes we have an outlook of Ali. I deserve it. It's not true. No one in the world owes you anything. So everything everyone does for you have to see have to be thankful for. And unfortunately sometimes we wait until things are too late and that's when we start to appreciate. There's a famous uh story, hard one to say, but it's a famous story that I've said over in the past probably a few years ago. I don't like to tell that over too too often because it's sometimes it's hard for me to even say the story. But there was a a father who worked hard and life has responsibilities and bills and you know sometimes they can catch up to that person. and it was his birthday and he comes home and his young six-year-old daughter comes and hands him a box wrapped and she hands it to him and says, "Aba, happy birthday." And he sees the box. Okay, I'm excited. He opens the box and what's inside? Empty. Does what? You playing a prank on me? What are you crazy? What was this a joke? I come after a long day. You hand me a box. I'm expecting something to be give me at least write me something. And the daughter starts crying. She says, "Aba, I spent all day blowing kisses inside the box. When you come home, you'll always have kisses." The father felt terrible. Of course, a few weeks later, a freak accident and his daughter passed away. You can imagine that box never left the father's side of the bed. Every night he would pick it up and take a kiss from his daughter. What it is to appreciate what we have in life. We get so caught up with everything else going on in our life. We don't appreciate the little gifts. What a present it is to have a six-year-old daughter who drive you crazy. What a president it is to have children, to have family, to have people, to have people around you. I would like to give an example. A mother has twins and len one of them is taken away at birth. She raises one for 30 years and after 30 years the other one comes home. Will the mother love her second son? Of course, it's my son. But will she love him as much as the one she raised for 30 years? Will she love him as much as the one she raised for 30 years? Impossible. I saw his first steps. I remember his first word. I remember how he went to school. I remember all the times he caused me headaches. I've been there with him every step along the way. Of course, I'm going to love. Like for example, you have some you have grandparents who have siblings that live across the country. Who is she more connected to? The grandparents who live across the street who drive her crazy on Shabbat and tipping down the thing and maybe or the ones live in Israel. She sees them once a year. Who's she more connected to? The one that's driving her crazy. The ones in the house. Those are the ones. The more you spend time with a person, the more you're there for them, the more you're in their life, the more you appreciate, you love them. Guess what? There's nobody else in the world, a mother loves the child very, very much. Why? Because she sees everything along the way. You know who loves you even more? mother. Hashem, you want to know why? Cuz every step along the way, your mother's been there with you. Hashem's also been there with you. But every other step that she wasn't there with you, Hashem's also been there with you. Hashem has been there with you every step along the way. He saw your first steps, your first word, your first tear, your first smile, your first everything. Hashem saw everything and he was there for you. You know how much loves you? You know how much Hashem loves every single one of us. But he wants us to appreciate and the hardest thing to appreciate is people around us. How much more there's a famous story they say over a guy who was working in corporate. He went to school went to prestigious Ivy League schools and he heard about this job in a big corporate company. His dream to work over there. Now how does it work when you go apply for big corporate jobs? There's not one interview. There's usually two, three sets of interviews. So he gets the first round, second round, third round and he finally gets to come and meet the director. He's sitting now in front of the director. The director takes his resume. He sees Princeton and there's that prestigious schools. Tells the guy looks at him says to him I'm very impressed. Look on all these schools. Like if you don't mind me asking what you have scholarships, rewards, grants, no I didn't have anything. He says what student loans? He goes no I'm debtree. So how did you go to these schools? Who paid for your father? He says, "No, unfortunately my father passed away when I was a baby." So, "Oh, your mother?" He says, "Yeah, my mother paid for it." My mom paid for every single dollar. You guys impressed, expensive, a lot of money. What does your mother do? My mother, she washes laundry. Guy doesn't let me see your hands. She said, "His hands are soft." Let me ask you, never one time helped your mother. She goes, "No, every time I try, she would tell me, "No, don't help me. Go study. Go read another book. Go learn. Go learn. Every time I tried, she wouldn't let me." He goes, "Look, I'm seriously considering for the job, but I'll only hire you on one condition. Did you go home tonight and you wash your mother's hands?" "Wash my mom's?" What if do the job? I'm applying for a marketing job. Wash my mom's hands. Says, "That's my contingency." Guy goes home that night. He walks in the door. You can imagine how awkward that conversation is. This, right? Hey, Mom. Love you. Can I wash your hands? Wash my hands. [laughter] [snorts] Okay. You want to wash my hands? Wash my hands. And he takes his mother's hands and he puts on soap and he starts to wash her hands and he starts to feel the calluses and see the wear and the wrinkles and the bruises on his mother's hands. And only then he realizes how much his mother sacrificed for him to be where he is today. And that whole night he cried and he cried and he cried and he cried. And the next morning he came into the job interview and the guy told him, "Did you do it?" He goes, "Yes." And he was crying. He said, "Now I realize how much my mom sacrificed for me." Says, "Now that you realize that and you can appreciate the sacrifices people made for you, now I'll give you the job." Because for you to work in this company, you have to realize that nobody else who works here owes you anything and nobody else in the world owes you anything. So, I appreciate everything they do for you. You know, many of us uh like to send out this text. What's this text? I'm sorry if I did anything to you intentionally or unintentionally, with knowing, without knowing. What kind of [laughter] they don't want to tell you that they talked about you behind your bag unintentionally. Intentionally just tell me. No writes that if a person of another person, you shouldn't tell them. It's only going to cause more. That's how you ask. Okay. But you know, we send out this text intentionally unintentionally, they put it on their WhatsApp status like I don't help me with this. And if we're lucky, if a person is close enough, he gets a phone call. Ah, if I did, I'm sorry. He calls his best friend. I'm sorry if I did anything. No, this person you need to get forgiveness from. I'm sorry if I did anything to hurt you, unintentionally. No, I love you and I'm sorry, too. And I'm wishing you the best here. You should be written and you should be stamped and you should be this and you should be this. And among those people should be your mother and your father. Aba, I'm sorry if I did anything to you intentionally. Unintentionally unintentionally. You didn't drive me crazy the whole year. Ma unintentionally. [laughter] You intentionally were a pain in the tushy. I'm sorry. You know, let me tell you something. You know what would be a much more beneficial phone call? If you called your mother and you told her, "I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. I want to thank you for all the sacrifices that you made [snorts] to make me the person that I am today. I want to thank you for all the sacrifices that you made to enable me to be who I am today." Your mother, as soon as you said thank you, started crying. Your father, what would he do? [snorts] [clears throat] I'm good. I'm good. I'm okay. I'm okay. >> [snorts] >> cuz we always what that's what they want to hear. People want to be appreciated and the problem is sometimes that we don't we overlook all the sacrifices and how much more so who gives us everything in the whole entire world everything the whole entire world and all we say is Hashem you didn't give me this you didn't give people come to like it's a Amazon shopping list give me this give me that next year I want this next year I want that everyone already has a list of what they want for next year they write it down they come they praying next year I want I said next year I want to be my husband next year I want to be my wife next year I want my business to do this Amazon shopping list this I want expedited shipping was thank you so much for the last year you gave me thank you for everything I have in my life thank you for everything now next year yes I'm going to ask but first things first thank you first thank you for everything you gave me thank you for everything you placed in my life. Thank you for all the good things you gave me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And then, by the way, now that I'm already talking to you, hook it up. You know, then you can ask first, thank you. But the problem is that we have this sense of it's like a small sense of lack of appreciation for everything he gives us. We take it for granted. We take it for granted. We don't know how to truly appreciate everything Hashem gave us in our lives. So what do the have to do? Sometimes sometimes the has to give us a little bit of scare us, give us warning signs. That's what the says the he's pushing the actually with the notes that he gave and used to give any would make notes and he made it to the he sees the suffering is coming his way. What does it mean? See before Hashem gives it you. He already gives you the sign it's going to happen. Cuz all the point of everything is what? For you to wake up. For you to be better. For you not to get to the end of it. For you not to reach the top of the hill. Not to get to the say to the Jewish nation. Just know everything that happened over here was for your best. All these you think they're bad for you, they're the best things for you cuz they're teaching you. Reminds me one time a person told me he went to the doctor. So he goes to the doctor. Now you guys ever went to the doctor? They do routine checkup. They put you on a scale, right? Check your weight. So let's say you weigh I don't know this amount. Yeah. So then he asks you how old are you and what's your height? Okay. So one time when I was when my daughter was born my whole life I've been on the diet since very early. I was very very when my daughter was born for the first time in my whole life I decided you know what I'm going to take it easy you know you go restaurants instead of ordering the salad I said maybe I'll order a pasta huh instead of ordering the salad maybe I get some mozzarella sticks maybe I get you know and next thing I know I went to the doctor I tell I'm sitting over there put me on a scale 196 pounds he tells me now you know how it goes with the doctor they make you feel bad because they put you on a scale and they go tick tick tick tick tick tick 100 and then they go up 30. Uhhuh. 150 go up 30. Oh no. Okay. I guess we're in the next one. [laughter] You know he gets you. So he tells you how old are you? At the time I think I think I was like I don't know 25 26. And he says how old? 26. And he goes how tall are you? I'm 6'3. [laughter] Now I told him my height. So he takes out a chart. You guys seen this chart? It has like green, yellow, and then red. Tells me, "Okay, what's the weight?" 196. So he goes, "Okay, what's the age?" And he shows me now I'm expecting. No. Huh? Shows me I'm in the red. What does red mean? That I'm obese. Now I start making excuses. No, the scale doesn't know me. The ch doesn't know me. [laughter] I'm big boned. I carry more water than other people. I stop making excuses. Yeah. you [laughter] know, no, it's not me, it's you. And I told the doctor like, listen, you know, I'm not that bad. Oh, don't take Z. No, don't tell doesn't mean look, I don't care what you do. One way or another, I'm going to live my life. But you, if you're going to continue in this ways and he takes out a chart, doesn't mean this is what you can have and starts going through all list of things that I can get. And then I seen that list. I said, you know what, maybe I am a little bit too heavy. And then I spent the next four or five months in a diet and I lost 30 plus pounds. But the point of the matter was is that sometimes in life we need that little bit of okay this is what could happen if you continue in this way but then turn around wake up. So gives us warning signs right before the end of the year he tells you by the way is coming now it's time to wake up and that's why when do you start then you say how does it start you sleeping run and quickly go. Run and go. Ask for help. But wake up first. First things first to wake up and then then you could do the rest of the steps. But first things first, why are you sleeping? Comes this time of the year. Time to wake up. That's what the Raab writes. The whole point of the shu is to wake us up for us to hear the noise and to be awoken. That's the whole point of it. Hashem gives us these moments in our life want to wake us up. And that's why I'm going to tell you one more beautiful thing just to show just to really break down this point some very very interesting. We talk about Two righteous women. Who are they? And why? Why those two? How do you know? Why those two? You got that one right? Why those two? You're listening. >> Why those two? >> Huh? Ah tells us that both of them according to astrology according to their mazal according to their luck were not supposed to have children but they prayed and they had children. What are we learning from over here? Our sages are teaching us something very interesting that no matter what could be nothing in the world is above prayer is the most important thing we can do. That's why it says spill talk have a conversation with Hashem pray cuz the most powerful tool you have is your mouth. You know with the goim says Rashi who's this what do you want to do he want to destroy Hashem is took the of he took his intention even though he wasn't successful and he made as if he did it he attaches the even if the action but for us he love us so much even if god forbid even if god forbid the intention was wrong as long as we didn't do the action hashem says that I go according to your heart. That's what says what? >> Huh? >> Yeah. Why? Maybe in that one second when he told her, "Oh, but maybe in that one moment he had a he had it in his heart a little bit of consideration. Maybe you see how much expecting from us. Maybe just he want to live to want to come back to want to do better. That's what theam writes there's two ways to do chuva. There's many different for the writes the four steps and then there's you have different types of things and how the one of them one of them one of them is so on and so forth says all of these steps that a person needs to overcome to get action that he did in his life it's only when he's doing it from fear but if he does it from love he doesn't need doesn't need any suffering Hashem will forgive him 100%. And therefore says the that a person who does is says a person does chan from fear is unintelligent. Not a smart person. He's a he has to do love. You want to know why? Because when a person looks in his life and he contemplates everything hashem gave him and he appreciates everything hashem has him. How the the answer is not I'm afraid that Hashem is gonna do something to me. It's I love you so much. How could I have done it to you? That is a different level. You come to say thank you for everything you gave me and then when you come to ask for forgiveness, you're not saying forgive me because next to you I want all these things. You're saying forgive me cuz how could I do that to you? Hashem says when you come to me like that, wipe clean. Wipe clean. When you come to me like that when that's the when when you come to me with love where is your heart says he wants our heart that's why I sp last time we spoke about item judges us like like a son and like a servant who decides that says you the way you serve there was a story listen I'm going to finish with you guys ever heard of him So anyone who knows the family they had a little bit of a little bit of divine intervention they could do amazing things of is known for these things. So one time there was a certain businessman [clears throat] that he lived in a city nearby and he decided he's going to go to for the end of his life. I'm going to go and move for the end of my life. I want to get buried in that's what I want. So he got up. In those days there was no planes. You don't get on a flight from or this other airlines. You got to go from horse buggy or on a camel and travel. It's long distance. So you can imagine the guy is towards the end of his life. Everybody tells him by goodbye and good luck and we we won't see you again but we'll see you after 120. And then 3 months later the guy comes back. So everyone's asking what happening. Doesn't have an answer. And then a few months pass by and unfortunately gets sicker and sicker and sicker to the point where now he's sitting on his death and he calls. You know is people who are in charge of taking care of the body when he passes away. He calls them one day. Now you can imagine when they're getting a phone call from a guy, they're expecting we're coming to talk about the final moments and prepare you to go. They come into the room and the guy says, "Hey, how you guys doing? how's your day? How's everything going with you guys? So they say, "Okay, you know, we we volunteered. We're busy, you know." Okay, I'm sorry. Go, go, go. And then he calls him the next day. So they expected, "Okay, maybe today's the day." And they walking in the room. Hi, how you guys doing? Good to see you guys again. How's everything? How's your wife? How's the kids? Tell me serious again. Second time you calling us, fool me once. Shame on you. Fool me twice. Shame on me. The next day they call, he calls again. This time I say, "We're not coming." He tells them, "Look, look, look, please come and I'll explain to you why I called. I'm begging you. Come today and I'll explain to you why I did what I did." They come that day. He explains to them that when he was a young man, he used to travel for business and he always used to pass by the city and we would stop over there. We'd always go visit the Tadik. But one time, what happened? one time he went to visit him and he walked in and he caught the rabbi in prayers was you can imagine he's in the upper realms I don't know where he was I'm not going to bother him in his so I sat in the waiting room all of a sudden this family comes running in and they're screaming at each other and they're fighting and they bombard into the rabbis uh what's it called office and they start screaming dilute case something happened what happened this guy was working in currency exchange. He lived from day to day. And he had $300 that he borrowed. That was the money he had for the day. $300 time whatever rubles. 300 rubles that he was had. That was the only money he had. And he comes home, he can't find it. So what happens when you come home and you can't find the money? You automatically assume who did it? The maid. Happened to be this person's main was a Jewish woman. He comes. I know you took it. I know you took it. It was you. It was you. Until unfortunately got even physical with her. She went home told their parents because apparently their parents budged into his house in anger. What are you doing? And they decided through all of the anger to go and see the sadik to go see the rabbi. So they go to and they come in with all the heat and they explain to the situation. So the rabbi looks at them and it's so clear to see that this girl is innocent. At the other hand, the money is lost and it's true that it's lost. We don't know where it is. And he gets up and he's thinking, he's contemplating. He's like, "What am I going to do? I I want to help you guys." And then he says something very interesting. If anybody over here is willing to give 300 rubles to this family to solve this case, who else is here? To anyone over here, I'll promise him Ghanaian. I promise. The guy walks in for the wait room. Rabbi, you will to put that in writing. [laughter] He says, "Yeah, I'll put that in writing." Takes that 300 rubles, hands it to the man into the rabbi. He says, "Here you go. But I want that. The rabbi promising me." Listen to the story. That's no problem. He gives the money to the man. He says, "Go home." He gives him a blessing that he's no longer going to have financial problems. He gives the girl a present blessing because of what happened. She going to get married and everything's going to be good with her. And everyone leaves. The guy walks back into the room. He says, "Rabbi, now it's time. I [snorts] need writing." Rabbi said takes a paper and a pen and he writes. Obviously, those time pens were in ink. And he writes something. He says, "Look, you can never open this. You can never read it. And when they bury you, they bury you with this letter." Okay? He tells them, "When I went the first time, I forgot my sidu. And in my sidu was this letter that I got from So I had to come back so that way when I passed away the letter was with me but I couldn't tell anybody because I'm not allowed to open the letter. When I called you guys the first day I thought I was passing away but by the time you guys came I was feeling better. So I had to make up an excuse to start talking to you about random things and same thing the second day. He said but today I know that my time is coming and therefore he hands them the letters the letter and he says that's it. And a few hours he passed away. And then when they were preparing his burial, the guy said, "Look, the rabbi didn't say, he said, he cannot read the letter." He didn't say, "We cannot read the letter." So what did they do? Right before they buried him, they open up the letter and they read. And what does it say? Like this. Dear Hashem, open up the gates of heaven for this person, your son Levie. Somebody wrote over there. Open up the gates for this person in heaven. You're a son. You understand looked at the world. When I ask my father for something when we pray that we pray understood to pray to pray like a child. You know who's asking? It's not a random person. It's your son. So when you come to shan with this I bet your son asking and hashem is going to open the gates for sure that's exactly how we have to come into shan like a son like a daughter teaching us this is how we have to pray like a son but the first thing we have to do as a son and daughter is appreciate what our parents do for us and that's why I implore everybody over here whose parents are still alive to call their parents as soon as you leave over here if they're still awake. If not today, then tomorrow, call your parents and tell them thank you for everything you did for me. And not only your parents, every single person in the world did anything good for you. Doesn't matter who it is. They all deserve a thank you. Cuz you're not no one was obligated to do anything for you. And you say thank you. This is how a person lives life with appreciation. Ah, now I want to give more and more and more and more. A person who has somebody passed away. and two different places. It says that the Malik, the ministering angels came to Hashem and said, "How come we don't say [snorts] and Hashem answers them, how could it be that Hashem is sitting on Hashem is sitting on the throne of judgment and my children are going to be singing songs of if Hashem explain that which books are open in front of Hashem? The book of the living and the book of the dead must the book of the living and the dead." According to you, you got to understand the book of the living is whoever is going to live next year and the book of the dead is a person who's not going to live next year. says right away they go into the book of living. Right away they go and in between if they're good they go to the living. If the other way they go the other way explain the book of the living and the book of the dead. What does that mean? Hashem open not only the books people who are alive today even the people who are why because then Hashem opens and sees what are their children doing in the world. And if they donated money, what is it doing in the world? They donated a building. All the mitzvot that they accumulated throughout the year, Hashem does an accounting for them also shah and they grow. They grow up in the next level in the next world. When we do the work over here. So you can honor your parents not only here by calling them and saying thank you. You can also thank them by doing this as well, by doing by doing good deeds, by doing everything you possibly can to help them. So appreciation is the key and [clears throat] we should appreciate of course our parents and everyone else in the world and most important say not every bad thing is a bad not everything you see is a bad thing not every curse is a bad thing loves you that's why we say right don't be happy my enemy you saw that I fell I got I sat down in darkness. Hashem was my light. Says, you know what that means? If I never fell down, I was never able to get up. If I never sat down in the darkness, never could have been my light. Hashem gives us these things in order for us to grow for momentum. So even the things you think are not good in your life, they're always good. Hashem loves you so much, he doesn't do anything bad to hurt you. Only good. The problem is we don't see it. So we come to you we have to say thank you. Thank you a million times and then maybe you can come and ask but first thing first say thank you. First things first appreciate and then your most powerful tool prayer and how do you pray your son your son your daughter so on and so forth. And that's how we send the letter to if everyone takes this message and bring it to the we should all be written and stamped and held in. Amen. Amen. Thank you.