Rabbi Mordechai Kraft - Secrets Of The Ten Commandments

so I'd like to share something with you tonight that I think is very fascinating you know what we speak about Judaism it's interesting that the cult Judaism a religion is the wrong term we're not a religion I don't know what a religion is but we're not that we have it to be a nation and we're a nation that was given a terror and the Torah is really the means through which we can have a relationship with a Shem that's what it is if I were to find Judaism in one word I would call the relationship it's the means to have a relationship with the creator of the universe the word religion sounds kind of hollow and kind of old-fashioned compared to the word relationship Judaism is a relationship it's the means to which we can have the perfect relationship with our Creator and the Creator the universe and who doesn't want that and the whole Torah is really about establishing that relationship that's really what it is all of the mitzvahs are vehicles to connect ourselves more deeply to the source in fact the word mitzvot in Hebrew comes from the Hebrew word seven which means a connection a mitzvah doesn't mean a commandment as we often translated mitzvot actually means connection in Hebrew the word seven means a team people who are joined together so a mitzvah really we have 613 points of connection to God points of establishing and building that relationship now what I think is fascinating when a Shem revealed himself to the entire Jewish nation we know he did so in a way that the entire people witnessed him and saw him and at that point he gave us what we call the asserted Ebro the ten commandments the tenth statement ten statements the certainty broke now these Ten Commandments were in some ways God is giving us the Shem was giving us perhaps the ten most important principles that we need to know and our sages teach us that the Ten Commandments really in some ways are the root directory for the entire 613 mitzvot from these 10 you can derive all 613 apparently you could derive all 10 from the first two you could ride the drive the first two from the first one you could drive the first one from the first word the first word from the first letter the 10 commandments bring you back to the source of it all so the Ten Commandments are actually the source of the entire Torah these Ten Commandments now I'm gonna suggest something do tonight and my suggestion is like this if the purpose of Judaism is to have a relationship with God or to have relationships in general because the truth of the matter if we're not able to relate to God unless we could relate to each other how can I relate to a being I don't know if I can't relate to a being who I can see you my wife my kids my friends so obviously Jesus is about having relationship whether it be between people and God you need both but if that's the goal to get a relationship to create relationships I was suggestively tonight and that is that the Ten Commandments must be the vehicle to establish that relationship these are the most important 10 principles God's going to give us why because these ten principles are the principles of what we need to create the perfect relationship so I dare say if we analyze Ten Commandments well what should we do tonight and if you stay with me and you probably trying to thought I'm gonna see something very interesting the Ten Commandments are really going to unlock the secret of what relationships require unless that God is giving us so let's take a look now let's begin this process in this way let's take a look at the Ten Commandments and I'll read them to you and I'm gonna ask you to vote on them take a vote should they be included you know we have 613 mitzvot search the Ten Commandments so are these 10 the most important are these 10 the 10 you would choose if you were the committee deciding on the 10 most important statements that you want as the Declaration of Judaism the 10 most important things if you want to give to the entire Jewish people before you give the Torah before you get the rest of the turn would you pick these 10 so let's begin number one I know here shuttle careful I am the Lord your God yes no doesn't make the cut makes the draft okay I have the Lord your God what do you think about it it's not really a commandment there's no command I am the Lord your God because God can't command that he's not command all he's saying is focus on reality God just appears before the entire Jewish people fact when the tires used people saw Shem and Shem revealed himself it says that he died then the shaman just burst out of the body and the body just collapsed you know normally the body can contain the soul God makes a sort of miracle that this lowly body can contain such a lofty soul but when God is right in front of us and God reveals himself it shine reveals himself then the shaman just wants to fly out so it said when chef said I am a chef Lord your God the neshamah is just the souls just burst out of the bodies everyone died so apparently angels had to come down and resurrect them and then God said the second commandment everybody died again and finally said to mojo can you hear the rest of it we've heard enough it's very painful to have to die anytime but the first commandment God says just focus on reality I am ashamed the Lord your God who took you out of Egypt okay good it makes the commandment it's up there take a look up there right head right hand side first one and no fear shell there it is okay good second commandment Logie a leukemic hurry up and I don't take any false scoffs no other gods no false gods doesn't make the cut yes No beautiful beautiful beautiful obviously heritage retreat graduate rally Calvin and I got leave well sit out there all right very good yeah you got a good feeling very good actually yeah I would say that's inclusive in the first the first one a little bit repetitive God says I am the Lord your God I just revealed myself to you then God have to say by the way no false gods no false gods I dare say that's repetitive girl's clothes up at the school home that's it then the lecture today no it sounds very Pettit it doesn't it sounds very palliative God just reveals himself he shows himself and then he says by the way no false cards how can we have to understand it what means like this you know if somebody worships a stone or somebody worships a rock somebody worships a tree that person is not an idol worshipper the purse it's insane that's insanity get it bad onto a rock get that out there stunned I don't worship you should be locked up you know should be in some institution sorry but you should be that's not what idol worship was idol worship was his father's a sham allows there to be a float to the world what a sham uses to flow his energy into the world he uses the masala he uses the Stars he uses the planetary system he uses the moon uses the Sun so the way a chef brings energy into the world spiritual energy is through the alignment of stars now there was a time in human history when people were very aware of this and to be very aware of this it meant that when certain stars would line up in a certain way you could actually experience yeah God is I could see from those stars a flow is coming and that flow was a lot of the crops to grow you could see it you could experience the way God uses his messengers his agents so to speak the stars in order to bring about his desire to the world now there's a danger in that you know the dangerous the danger is that you might come instead of worshiping God you might come to worship the stars that's not insanity and sanity means if I'm just go to worship a rock but if I understand them when the star is lined up in a certain way it brings a floor to the world that flow brings a direct benefit to the crops and I start like thinking oh my gosh that star is the source that's not insanity that's just not using my mind completely you have to look behind the starts at women who created the star was the real source of it all that's what I don't worship boys I don't worship really meant the understood the way God is used in the planetary system that's where the earlier voyagers were called over they cook of him worshipers of the stars shared works and that's what when we say to each other you know for example in Hebrew we say to each other Mazel Tov once myself taught me congratulations or what right so I'll tell you something to say to somebody to say good luck in insulting even to an idol worshiper that's insulting good luck good luck you go to a wedding you see the bride and groom you say to them good luck you know statistically you have a 1 or 2 chance of making it and this is a second merit or either one of you it's one you know it's about you know but statistically you're not going to go good luck that's we're saying to everybody Mazel Tov you know good luck you know as Jews we don't believe in luck luck is not a concept that we believe is used in fact there's no word for it until there's no word for luck what's up I'll tell you what it means even the word coincidence doesn't exist in the Hebrew language blodnik quran means it's called out what's that doesn't listen either because no such thing is that that's a rabbinic word right because doubt right can it be doubt so when we say what's my cell mass out in Hebrew actually means mazhab cost of the Hebrew word knows L knows L means Hebrew speakers what a flaw like a no zealot knows L tis a faucet Nizam knows L means something flows its nose L flows decimas Alice we call the stars the masala why because God uses the Stars to bring his nose L to the world to flow out to the world so when we say Mazel Tov to somebody what we're saying oh we're saying that Mazel Tov Mazel Tov it says look at the bride a groom just like God is flowing to you such great blessing at this moment it should continue the rest of your life that's where Sigma's Altaf you should continue the flow you should continue to receive God's flow God continues to cut you continue to flow is blessing to you that's what doesn't mean luck luck is not a Jewish concept good luck you know good luck doesn't that's amaz activist now I say that because we have to understand when the torque is a prohibition against worshipping idols it's it's a real prohibition God is saying look I am the Lord your God but there should be no other gods beside me saying when you're gonna see the flow the energy that was no zel coming from the masala from the stars don't worship the Stars recognize that I'm the source behind it all don't make a mistake to look superficially enlightenment look to see what's really behind it all here it works so that's what you're saying you same as hostile as octave means the flow should be good God should continue to flow to you blessing that's a completely different meaning than good luck and people say good luck yeah they said to me sometimes I say I'm gonna give the class now you'll say good luck I think I need it you know thank you I did love it you know I you know it's wrong it's wrong because luck implies chance but not believe in chance Mazhar there's a whole different meaning that's out Tony's flow because God uses the Stars to flow to the world and in our lives God brings flow mazhab that's what it means so that's the fear of God the same God is saying look I have the Lord of God you just saw me but you're also going to see me reveal my blessings in the world through the stars in the planetary system don't make a mistake and worship the planets recognize I'm behind it all Canaveral Dumbarton good commandment I think we're on track yeah good make sense good third commandment third commandment is the low Tisa Seamus Shem I look after the chef don't take my name in vain know what that one of the things that means is it means don't swear falsely don't use my name to swear falsely should it be in the Ten Commandments it sounds important okay little redundant you know I'm the Lord your God no other guys beside me and now God says and don't take my name in vain don't swear falsely with my name now let me tell you what that means it means like this if you take an oath you know for sure there are two types of oaths you could take what type of all if I could take is this let's say I go to a court and I want to deny that Reuven lent me or gave me a million dollars left me a million dollars I wanted to dye it they say did you lend your billion dollar aircraft I say I'll take an oath or someone will say you'll take it off daddy didn't lend me the money and that person lies under oath to get away with a million dollars that's one type of you can take another type of Earth you could take is taking oath that this table is really a chair I'll just do that two sides oaths what type of oh if you want to get away with a lot of money second that both is you want to swear that this table is a chair or the chair is a table which of those two types of oaths do you think the tour is referring to when the Torah says don't take God's name in vain yeah your first one why with you hundred percent if not for the fact Albina because here I have the but you're saying both the same could be both so choice you're both saying you both both points are good I think ears point is very good maybe got referring to don't use God's name to get away with a million dollars the beam is saying look don't use God's name to say something stupid to say something which is false right don't use God's name for such a lowly thing let's take a vote who says yeah ears right who still a penis right who says the oath talking about the oath they're talking about is an oath that says don't use God's name in vain to try to get away with a lot of money what's to say that okay yeah that's pretty good yep right who as the say well it'd be the saying the oath is an oath that says don't use God's name to say it tables a chair who says that one who said they don't know okay all of us a I mean yeah yeah I I feel like this I I would I think what he is saying is what you I would have said had I not known what the tour is saying but the Torah is saying is what I've been saying that the oath being referred to is an oath don't swear that a table is a chair all rights don't swear chairs a table don't swear in some way in which you just say ridiculous thing now that's funny because I would have said look if God's giving the Ten Commandments he would say don't use my name to try to you know embezzle to get away to something big God I think don't use my name for something ridiculous so I have to think about that well why that why that is so but the hold it for a moment can have it number four so of course he'll be Shabbos Licata shove to keep Chaves does it make it we include it committee yeah Chaves good we like Shabbos children or small good thing very good makes it habit number five copied as a vehicle versus inaho honor your mother and father very important right all society needs that one of the greatest misses okay good I'm with you a good one let's go to the other side move to the second column second tablet a little pizza don't murder yes no include it keep it in good I agree have it low C no no adultery no adultery very important okay good important house the next one no signal no signal means don't steal yes no there's I want problem with that it's kidnapping there's another prohibition that our law SIG's on which is don't steal those signals don't kidnap if I were God I would give perhaps the more general commandment which is don't steal why does God give that very specific commandment which is don't kidnap don't kidnap them how many times do people kidnap people still all the time but kidnapping it's a very rare occurrence and that's that that is the seventh commandment no signal it's not kidnap I mean I'm sorry but I think that's a little bit too specific I'm sorry how long does it happen I'm little what often well wondering about that one okay it could happen could happen it does happen but perhaps maybe God should have used those six all which means though still in general what's that I I believe God does that also but we'll have to analyze why number nine lisanna the ship the whole posture care law sana three after a checker that means don't be a false witness in a court of law somebody calls you to a court of law to testify someone needs you as a witness to come in and you saw something don't accept a bribe don't lie tell the truth it's a commandment to not be a false witness in a court of law should it be included in the Ten Commandments it's a good one it's a seems to be also very specific however the last one Lusaka boat the sack board means don't don't covet don't desire if somebody has a beautiful car don't be jealous of it don't desire it somebody has beautiful clothing don't desire to be jealous someone has a good job don't don't desire someone has don't be jealous and desires else's husband someone else's wife don't desire what someone else has low softball number 10 it doesn't make it should be included got mean I dare say it's a very nice commandment but it's all about the heart it's all about the human heart right I mean if you have a choice of 10 you have 613 mitzvot would you choose that as the 10th one try to give me nature so so much maybe maybe that's why I mean okay I agree with you it's just what to analyze what it's doing there I think it's a it's something which is so much inside the human being you know why is that the 10th commandment and perhaps maybe the most important of them okay the question is the why these ten you know there's so many other commandments that are left out how about giving charity how about supporting the widow how it's the point of the orphan maybe you could do to put them into one of those ten perhaps you're right these are the root directory 100% but these were the ones that Hashem chose these ten okay there's not the question I have everybody why does God need two tablets yep oh well sure you know she not suggesting something I mean the reality is God could have written it all the very small font right he could have gone to his great computer up in the sky they could have typed in you know 0.3 0.2 got a nice little one of those little fancy you know calligraphy fonts and beautiful there it is presto there it is on the rock right if God shows he wants to put it onto tablets and we're putting on two tablets he's obviously creating some sort of natural distinction for us separation two categories so Elon suggested the categories on the right hand side we see mitzvahs between man and God and the second side we've seen bits is between man and man now there's one commandment that that throws off Ilan's theory which command was that okay why because it's on the side of man and God it sounds like honoring one's parents should be on the Missis aside between missus between men meant remove three people the three partners of creation some say there are three parts of the creation man God in a Shem but again parents are physical beings so perhaps we have to analyze yeah because right there are subsets they're queued through your Creator so perhaps maybe the meals suggesting that instead of calling the first column it's between man and God let's call the Mitch's between man and our creators we have two types of creators we have our Hashem we have our parents right so our creators man and creators and the second side is between man and man maybe that's a little bit better a little more specific okay so so far so good now here's step two step two girls like this our sages teach us that a Shem put five on one side and five on the other side and in fact the five on the right side faced the five on the left side left to say if you line up the five over here and you line up the 5 over here 1 corresponds to 6 2 corresponds to 7 3 corresponds to 8 4 to 9 and 5 to 10 that's how I said you say 5 here 5 here that really fold in on each other like this so 1 in 6 or 1 unit 2 and 7 are unit 3 nadir unit for a Niner unit 5 in 10 our unit that's not Sadie's teachers now what does that mean I think it might mean as follows we mentioned as we gain this talk that the whole purpose of Judaism is to have a relationship with God is to have a relationship in general in fact when they ask for a be a keeper they said what's the main principle Vitara Nikita said we are after the Ray - welcome love your fellow man like you love yourself so that's the name principle to love another being that's all the tours included in that to be able to relate to somebody else so they asked I became and they said wait a minute the way aren't you forgetting a whole side of the Torah what about myths is between man and God so have you Kiba ants and they said wait a minute God is also your friend God is also a being you have to relate to him so Rabi Akiva is really teaching that a relationship whether between relationship between man and man or relationship between man and God is really the same type of relationship whole purpose of Judaism is to be half to the Reijo to love someone who's not you whether that mean loving God have a relationship with God or loving another human being having a ladyship with another human being that's the whole principle to be after the race will come over either that rare who is God or the rare has somebody else doesn't matter the same principle this is my suggestion perhaps we have to say that if that's the whole purpose of the Torah to develop that relationship to have that relationship with human beings on with God the Ten Commandments are the ways to get there but if these five that have to do between men are creators face the ones that have to do with man and man and they kind of fold in on each other like this maybe we have to say that there are really five principles that govern relationships five principles of relationships and these relationships these principles will express themselves in the world of man and God or man had once creators or it will express itself in the world of man and man but there are five principles that's all but ten commandments five principles let's see how that works command with number one what is that once again can have a number one an opiate shaman Oh pepper I am the Lord your God can we have a number six what is it the tip suck don't murder what's the connection can we find an underlying theme that connects those two points those two Commandments [Music] so same very good very good when you kill a human being you're actually in some ways killing God every human being is created the image of God 100% definitely true because here a connection pretty easily but let's analyze it one step deeper the first commandment God says I know three Hashem a little careful I am God I am the Lord your God I am I I'm God God's teaching us something very important about how to have a relationship with him and with other human beings first thing you need in the relationship is you have to recognize the other exists outside of you you have to realize that there's an existence to this person and this person isn't just there for you this person or this being exists and has their own special identity they have their own special existence God is saying I am the Lord your God I have existence that's outside of you then why is that the most but why's that perhaps the first thing one needs and have a relationship I think the reason is is because you know in a relationship with God you could have two types of relationships with God what type of relationship is the really positive relationship well you could say God you're you and I'm me and I want to get to know you you were so awesome you're so good you're so kind you're so giving and I want to get to know you I'm amazed by you I'm in awe of you you're constantly giving to the universe in every moment I want to relate to you I want understand you I want to know you that's a very deep positive relationship I want to get to know you I want to know and love you for who you are God there's a negative relationship get out with God in what the relationship is well you know God I know that I'd like to have money I'd like to have a big house I'd like to drive a fancy car and I don't seem to be able to do it by myself you know I know that you're the source of it all and I'd better therefore ask you for things and and get to know you because without you I'm not gonna get what I want or have what I want so therefore I better start speaking to you and relating to you and talking to you do we hear why that might be a negative type of relationship with God I want a relationship with God not because I want to get to know God because what God can do for me then that's not a good it's not a bad way to start by the way it's not a bad way to start the relationship god I need you no thank you I'm not gonna make it in this world I'm not gonna get anywhere in this world but that's not word should end the reality is at the end of the day if I really want to love God but really should drive me is I want to love God for who God is for his shut-ins not just because he's the great candy man in the sky not just because he provides all my needs and therefore I need him what could almost have a relationship with a guy which is childlike innocence God I know I need you there maybe that leveled itself though you need God I daresay maybe is a level this I know you exist I know you're there and I need you but that's the beginning of the relationship that's not the end of the relationship the end of the ship has to be where God I recognize you for who you are or at least what I am capable of recognizing and I want to love you you exist for who you you exist as an amazing being as truly do so much for me but I want to know you I don't want to just to know you just to get to know you because of what you give me I want to be in all of you for who you are I want to love you for you I don't want to just love you for because of you give to me do you hear the difference a child might relate to God in a simple way right and maybe we do also God that I know I need you look I want to have livelihood I want to have money I want to have health therefore I better speak to you that's a good way to start the relationship because we do need God so much but we should be a little bit more mature in the relationship and build this say now that I realized this I need you and you're the supplier at all and you're so magnificent and so wonderful I want to get to know you and I understand you I want to talk to you and I love you I don't want to just love you because of what you give to me I want to love you for who you are today that works yeah but right right 100% not a percent and that's are suggesting well that that perhaps that that's you know that will always be in an undertone in the relationship he'd always give it to me but it shouldn't stop there it shouldn't stop there you know we see for example II go back to the first story in the Tara and we have a guide in cane and cane Briggs is offering to God he invents this idea god I want to give you a gift and God turns to Canaan says listen Cain you know why did you give me the cheapest stuff if you want to give me a gift give me the best stuff why'd you give me the cheapest stuff I said God says to Cain he's telling Kane Kane look you gave me a gift that because you appreciate me but because you know that you need me I don't want that relationship with you gotta say I want you to give to me because you love me you appreciate me not because you need me do the difference you know in the human world maybe we could hear this even deeper you know I mean let's just like imagine right the husband wife right the guy gets married and he's coming out of the subway and members is his wife's birthday right so he says oh you know my gosh is her birthday you know I didn't get anything maybe just his pocket you know his $5 oh yes it's poor guy he's everybody just try to finish medical school pharmacy school isn't like last you know there's nobody and so he said my cake you know what she really likes she likes yellow roses so he runs ten blocks up Queens Boulevard Huff's and puffs guessed her story another silly yellow roses because how much he loved roses $5 a step takes it $5.00 right pays for it beautiful yellow rose comes back puffs you know it doesn't make money left the subway even goes back runs home he's sweating and she fits you know it comes to his wife this was a happy birthday she sees he's like dish fit stand you know sweaty and he says it's for you she looks at yellow so she accepts that beautiful gift it's a beautiful gift ladies appreciate it's a gift it's a gift I appreciate who you are and I'm gonna giving you a gift because I appreciate you now listen to let's change the snare look let's now the story goes like this he gets off the subway it's all my gosh she's her birthday boy is she gonna be upset with me if I don't have a gift so what's he do he reaches to his pocket oh no I have this five bucks what can I get it for five bucks so he looks at there goes Oh Duane Reade perfect it walks into Duane Reade starts looking around you know you know mouthwash oh really you know toothpaste we have tons of it you know you know Shampoo know so it walked down the line Oh chocolate so was he find finds a big heart box of chocolates looks at the price 399 perfect 399 so he walks up but takes it puts in the bag give the guy the five bucks so happy gets to you know two dollars change walks out comes home he says honey happy birthday give her the Duane Reade bag you know she takes out the chocolate so I didn't I'd stick her on it she looks at it you know what if you do it takes the chocolate hits them on the head of it and says listen you know that's not the type of gift that I want don't give me a gift because you know if you don't give me a gift I'll be upset with you that's not a gift that I want a gift has to be a gift that represents the fact that you appreciate me that's never gift I want that's a real gift so they said what cane did was cane said to god god I need you I like to have a lot of crops I'd like to have a big harvest I know without you I'm not gonna have it so I got to give you a gift so what did what did cane do he gave the worst of his crops and God gave it back so that's not what I want a gift has to represent that I appreciate and love you for who you are that's one gift that's what a relationship really get solid now I'm suggesting perhaps real hell that in our relationship with God we have to build it in a way where it begins in the recognition of a shamea I need you without you I don't have anything without you my kidneys don't work how do you like you know you have Charlotte Motor feel of shock I can't stand for him in one moment without you might digest attract guys my pulmonary system doesn't work doctor my cardio system doesn't work but after my spinal cord doesn't work right without you my cerebral function it doesn't work god I need you I need you I want you I want you in my life after that it has to progress to relationship blue card of a Shem I recognize that you exist for who you are and you're so awesome I want to get to know you I want relate to you know I want to relate to you now it's always gonna be like at that point I know you're giving it to me but I want to get back and not just I just love you because you give to me I love you for what what what for you for who you are you know and that's why in our relationship with a guy you've probably noticed that a Shem leaves a lot about himself hidden a lot about God that's hidden there are many things in this world that we require mo not for trust why does God create a world like that when we don't understand God's ways all the time sometimes we understand something we don't understand you know why God created a world like that because what really builds a relationship is when you relate to what you don't understand about God I'm just gonna love God for what I understand about God I'm not really loving God I'm loving my minds conception of God but I can love God for what I don't understand about him that I really love to God that's called the Mona I trust you in what I don't understand but that's real love real love means you love what you don't know about the other and the human is the human world also would you really love about your spouse it's not what you know and what you know is your mind's perception your loving your mouth what you really love is what you don't know about him or her then your loving him or her here that works have to love what I don't know about you so how does it work God gives us so much information about himself he shows how good he is no kind he is I'm not she's giving to us into the world he's all about love interested and he builds a world that's perfect for us and he builds a body that's perfect and he everything is and he gives us a turret to give us happiness a direction he gives us gives us all the harbor's we should have eternal reward and pleasure everything is for us so then we have to extrapolate and say ok God even the things I don't understand about you I'm gonna also love you show me so much good I'm gonna love you in that which I don't understand but there has to be something left over here that works there has to be something left over or without really loving God so for a relationship to be real for relation to be deep you have to recognize the existence of the other outside of you you're not just here for me you exist for what you are and I want to love you for who you are so the first commandment God gives us is a commandment that says I know P I shove a little hurtful I am the Lord your God I exist outside of you I'm not just the great candy man in the sky who gives you what you need I have an existence to get to know me and that has to be there and if you think about in the world of man and man what does God say loss it sucks don't murder you know to murder somebody is to say you don't really exist to you you have no existence outside of me you're there for me to take away if I feel like doing it's the murderers murder it doesn't mean self-defense murder means murder because you're underway so I want something from you I want your money I don't want you around that's murder you have no real existence except to satisfy my needs that's what murder says I don't recognize you as in a world by yourself you have no real existence and therefore I could take it away if I feel like it that's what murderers so God's telling us something very interesting that's telling us the first foundation of a relationship if you want to relate to God you want to relate to a man or a human being what is it recognize the existence on the other outside of you the other exists outside of you they have their own existence and love them for who they are recognize their own world by themselves recognize they're not just there for your needs but to their and recognize who God is recognized there's existence do that works everybody here with me so relationship principle number one is I have the Lord your God don't murder the common denominator recognize the other exists outside of you existence and it's so important relationship so crucial it's so crucial she's not just here to make me dinner I'm not just here to provide a livelihood she exists for who she is I exist for what I am I have to love the other for who they are they exist outside of you God exists outside of us all so he's giving constantly your rifle hell he's giving and giving and giving but I wanted to love God not just because he fulfills my needs because I want to get to know him I want to get to know who he is what he's about that's real life recognize the other exists outside of you as that relationship principle number one God is giving the purpose of the Torah is relationships perhaps that's the most important first step in relationship the other exists outside of you okay that's deep one can have a number two what is it no false cards no dowel tree commandment number seven is little C enough no adultery no idolatry no adultery they sound very similar in English dummy now show us dive accident no idolatry no adultery what's the connection what's the common link right in fact that's what it is right idolatry means you're substituting other things for God adultery means you're substituting somebody else for someone you supposed to be loyal to it substitution you both have to do with loyalty now why is loyalty such an important part a relationship with God and why is loyalty so much important part that relationship with human beings why is that the second most important principle God teaches about having relationship loyalty what's the special about loyalty so perhaps we can explain like this that loyalty means when God says don't substitute to anything for me now when God says don't substitute anything or any body for him or her be loyal what God is saying now said like this that well but sure that you know our ears are pretty much didn't generic right our noses are pretty much the same right our hands off my finger is a total of five toes right our elbows look pretty much right body parts are exchangeable body parts are pretty much the same true that's the reality what makes us unique and different is not the body part it's what's inside the body it's who we are on the inside loyalty is so important in a marriage because loyalty says don't look at this person superficially as a body look at this person for who this person is this person will never exist again in human history just like this person has a face that has never appeared before in human history misses person has a soul an internal makeup that has never appeared before in human history loyalty means that you look at the other and say you are I cannot exchange you for anybody else there's no substitute that could take your place that's a loyalty means loyalty means you look deeper you said I can't replace you you know if a person is not loyal in a relationship basically what they're saying is you know you know you have arms and here's arms and she has arms so like what's the difference right so yeah let's change every now and then loyalty means you go a little deeper not just a little deeper a lot deeper and you realize that the essence of this person is you can't exchange it you can't replace it you can't substitute it for anybody that's what it means you look and you see that there's something totally unique about the other that you cannot replace that's the most second most important element the relationship the other is totally unique for who they are you cannot exchange them you cannot replace them if you're not gonna be loyal it means you're not looking deep enough you haven't discovered anything unique about the other if you're saying yeah I can replace you whatever her you know we're all the same we're all just generic so let's just exchange body parts every now and then excuse me for from going to find in this metaphor that's what it is loyalty means I'm looking deep to discover who you are finding the uniqueness about you now in the world of man and God is the same thing God is saying listen you know you have to look deep and discover me look to find me you're gonna see a lot of things in the world that might be the sort that might indicate power and you just see me flow to the world in certain ways but look deeper look behind it all realize that I am totally unique and those are just the things that I use in order to bring my blessing out to the world go deeper always look to discover there's something about me that cannot be exchanged don't exchange me for anything else be loyal to me know it's interesting you know it could be in times in life for relationships when we don't like to go deep like this because it's much easier to see somebody else superficially they're just as a body because you know you see somebody as a body he perhaps don't have to give as much of yourself I don't have to give so much because I'm not looking to find so much in you because people are afraid of really being intimate because they don't want to expose themselves they just look superficial in a relationship sometimes with God is the same thing also you know the more I would look to discover God the more I have to give up part of myself God if I'm gonna look to always find you it means I have to do what you want me to do sometimes it's easier to relate to the son of the moon because I don't have to give much of myself up I want to get the power I want to get the flow and the energy but I don't want to have to change my life in any way so we will look to discover God that means I'm gonna have to be bound to God so let me just relate to something superficial like God's moving our Stars or whatever it is and in a marriage you know like I don't want to have to do so much for you I don't want to have to get to know you too deeply or have to sacrifice so much for you so let me look at you sort of superficially you're just a body that attitude is a very dangerous attitude it's a very dangerous attitude if relationship is really gonna work a person has to be willing to go to the next step and look behind the superficial and say there's something that's irreplaceable about you it's a replaceable to go there sometimes is a little scary a little scary sometimes that's what God is saying there has to be loyalty step number two is there has to be loyalty in a relationship let's look at the third principle principle number three what's the third commandment don't think I was named vain don't swear this tables a chair the eighth commandment is no signal don't kidnap what's the connection interesting I think it means like this perhaps it means respecting the property and boundaries of the other now I think it means like this sometimes it happens in relationships in all relationships you get very close to somebody and I get very getting very close you tend to blues boundaries a little bit you know you sometimes see this let's say with teenagers you know teenagers sometimes get very excited over the fact that they get close to a friend and all Sunday stuff only see the friend is this stuff oh you're so stupid you know you're such a dope it's such a klutz you know they use words like this writer it's such a spaz you know I don't know you're you know and and and you start you know you're so dumb you know like like you hear tea I just talk like that and the reason they talk like that I think it's because they get excited over the fact that they feel close to somebody like really close we could really like you know just like told as it is what best transfer so we're just friends you know you could just just say it as they say whatever you want you know you're so stupid you know and as we mature in life we realize that you know we totally grow out of our teenage years and we realized that those statements don't help the relationship the harm relationship because as you get very close to somebody what you have to do then is you have to start saying you have to space you have to set you have to set up special boundaries you have to preserve the relationship by being very careful hey treat the other you know just because you're so close doesn't mean you can say whatever you want no that hurts the relationship when you get close you start creating boundaries when you start really respecting the other morning you show respect this is yours it's okay if I use it do you mind if I borrow this yeah those type of statements show respect for the others property this is yours and that builds the relationship in other words sometimes when we get close the first tendency is we become so ecstatic over the fact that we feel so you know intimate so what do we do we just sort of a crash on everybody's boundaries and we stop you know it causes we tend to say things which gonna be hurtful and disrespectful and that's very harmful relationship there's a point certainly a husband and wife you know when you get really close but you kind of step back and like really respect each other's property respect this is yours it's mine look you know we own it together but it means like I'm gonna be careful I would ask can I use it kind but because I respect you by setting up boundaries demonstrates respect for the other I acknowledge you exist I acknowledge you're somebody special and very careful how you treat your property that demonstrates boundary and respect now I'm not suggesting that means were supposed to be you know it's formal you know or super formal and you know but you know with kids sometimes you know it's a very healthy relationship with a father and a daughter or a son when you say - they're like you know it is okay if I you know care if I borrow your basketball you know dad you bought me the basketball yeah technically you own it was your gift yeah true but I'm demonstrating that I value this relationship by the way I value your property I care about your property this is yours I'm not gonna trample on it I expect the boundary I respect you it's very healthy in a relationship that's what I'm saying teenagers tend to like be so ecstatic over the fact that there's a to the sea if I have a friend you know like so excited so they're all you're so dumb you're so stupid to talk like that yeah don't try that in marriage right don't try it it doesn't work it's not good for it it's not good not good I don't fix depends on the couple's okay they can do it get away with it but but it needs to be tempered with a lot of respect for this is your stuff this is nice you know I respect it even person says you know you know like the person you know my guys my kick can I borrow your basketball you know above course like what are you asking before you know there's no but the question demonstrates I respect you property I respect you I respect there's a boundary I'm not gonna trample in on you because I respect you so God is saying relationship principle number three is respect boundaries in the world of man and man let's go there for a second no signal don't kidnap if there's any property which is ours perhaps in the extreme way what is it our bodies respect the other person's property don't steal though still his body even right that's if I you have to go with this that's ultimately our property if there's God's property but there's anything we feel is ours that we own it's our body it's chill somebody to take kidnap here your deal to the violation you stole him respect proper respect what's this in the world of man and God God says don't swear this tables a chair don't take my name and trample on it don't take my name and bring it through the mud respect what's mine I know you want to fuse with me I know you want to get to know me they wanted to see with me you want to love me but the way you'll love me the way this relationship would really work is when you show respect towards me respect what's mine boundaries I have my name don't trample through the blood and violate it and use it for such ridiculous things to swear that a tables a chair respect what's mine so I think relationship principle number three is respect boundaries so we're together so far unless you should principle number one relate recognize existence of the other outside of you relationship personal number two loyalty look deep to see this person is unaccountable relationship principle number three is respect boundaries create boundaries boundaries demonstrate respect relationship principle number four let's see what's commandment number four so horsey all Mushaf staccato show keep Shabbos relationship purposes well number and number eight command number eight is excuse me number number nine is number eight where are we it's number nine forty nine is what no sana a checker don't be a false witness in a court of law keep Shabbos don't be a false witness in court of law what can possibly be the connection doing those two what's the connection keep Shabbos don't be a false witness Oh beautiful Shabbos is a day of testimony that's exactly right in fact when we get up every Friday night and we make kiddush what are we doing first when you make kid as you stand why do you stand at least you stand very cool though why because kiddush is a declaration of testimony it's like we're witnesses in a court of law you stand there with a cup of wine the red wine it focuses us it gets our attention it gets us elevating it gets all of our our impulses moving it gets us excited and now we're so excited we're gonna make a declaration of testimony what's that testimony we say god you're the creator of the universe it's yours you created it and you're actively involved in that creation demonstrated by the fact that you took us out of Egypt you didn't just wind it up but you're actively micromanaging it and you demonstrated that when you change nature to bring us out of Egypt that's we're saying God you're the creator and the manager that's what has to find in Chaves and therefore for 25 hours we're gonna cease creative activity because we're gonna tribute that you are the creator it's all yours we're giving it back to you that's it let the testimony of shabbat Shabbos is a day of testimony declaring the truth about God now the other side of the quays the side of the tablets what do we see don't be a false witness in a court of law meaning if you have to come to a court of law tell the truth tell the truth be a witness when you're a call to come to be a witness tell the truth sort of second to both about thing what this isn't telling the truth I think relationship principle number four is in order to four to relationship to be successful you have to look for the truth about the other you have to look for the truth now what does that mean in the world of man and God the will of man of God you have to look for truth what does that mean for example there might be moments in our life when things are gonna be painful or maybe the experience moments are life but these are painful maybe we've experienced or know people who are sick and there's pain and we said God like I don't get it I don't understand this you're all about love interested in goodness and kindness of why you bring such pain you know you're cool God you know are you say to God listen you're like get up I'm not gonna love you or relate to you why because I don't understand how can you know how can little children suffer like that I said that's not being truthful you know why because truth in Hebrew I met our organization the word Annette is out of mint tough it's the first letter of the alphabet it's the middle letter they've alphabets the last letter of the alphabet me truth me if you look at the whole picture you don't just look at one little incident that's not truth that's checker that's a lie fact checker which means a lion Hebrews shin cooporation those three letters are right next to each other in Hebrew language actually the Walmart corporation changshan key phrase but the right next to each other in the language why the alphabet to show that falsehood means you're looking at one little spot that's falseness that's checker that's a lie truth means you see the picture see perspective beginning middle end god I don't understand this pain you know you're cruel I don't know I got to know you that's a lie for most of my life for 24 hours a day every cell in my body works my digestive tract works by pulmonary system works by cardio system works I've had clothing I've had food I had shelter I've had warmth I've had love I've had teachers I have a spinal cord I'm able to walk am able to move I'm able to taste delicious foods there's so much goodness in my life so much goodness okay right now something is painful but I have to look at that pain in the context of all the guard that's truth if you want to love God you have to be truthful you have to look to see that the pain in our life is usually only temporary and is the minority of our experience even the Holocaust with all of its pain and all of its suffering it was a five-year period of human history 1940 to 1945 there's a terrible period don't get me wrong but let's be honest God you know that's not the way a chef chooses the world to be conducted most of the time most of the time just love that's it goodness and so God sometimes brings did justice okay but we have to see the context of all the goodness in love everything in our lives are like that we see people are at pain or suffering you know I've never had like Schwab I knew very well that Schwab was a great rub in America and when he was 70 or so so he was he lost the ability to walk and so they asked him one time they said to him you know how do you deal with the fact that you can't walk I remember used to come to summer camp I was up then you know we used to push him in his wheelchair and he said breaks he said listen you know he said for 70 years of my life God gave me legs now God's chose to take away my legs he said seventy years he gave me likes had the gift for 70 years so now there's gonna be a short period in my life why don't happen he's understand the loss of his legs in the context of all the goodness that God gave him that's all that's we have to experience it that's truth you want to love God you have to be truthful you can just gonna focus on one incident and use that to reject God and say god you're cool I don't want a part of you that's not truthfulness that's a lie that checker that shouldn't come for a yeah pretty much can't just have one without the other say most of it's good yeah and even when it's bad there's good you have two rather words you have to understand that that yet God uses pain and we've stuck with nice lecture we talk about sometimes you know a Shem uses pain to teach us it wakes us up it makes us realize that that may have limited time it does a lot to undo any blemishes we might have on our soul there's a lot of good that pain accomplishes but we have to distend that even when we go and experience pain it's a very small percentage of the non pain that we experience in life and the goodness that God gives us and even when we're experiencing pain there's so much goodness can't be the senate but if even god's pain is a manifestation of his love interest and that's always loved but sometimes it hurts but we have to understand it that even when we experience things that we don't necessarily like truth means that we look and we see the whole picture that's truthfulness now in the world of man and man it's the same thing you know the probably the most important bits of between men and men is heavy done let's call it on the cuff scoffs judge favorably when a rabbi say judge favorably they say in a very interesting way they don't just say judge favorably they said in Hebrew heavy done that's call hard dub in judge the entire person favorably near the difference judge the entire person favorably okay so the person said something nasty you know the person didn't pay back paying back you know the person forgot to call me look at the whole picture look at the whole picture it's a good person first always does much good for you so it's kindness for you so they made a mistake they forgot to call yeah they made a mistake the little upset that day they said ambition have said they have a bad mood charge it in the context of the whole purse that's what we want to be judged we're not bad people I got bad mood sometimes right so that we eat we don't feel so good with little tired you know well upset will stress that okay we I shouldn't judge the whole person get the benefit that you want to have a relationship with somebody look what was truth about looking was true about the other person don't focus on one little detail and say that's the person no look for truth truth means Oliphant never tough the whole picture look at the whole entirety of the human being so much good in you okay you said the silly thing on let it go that's truthfulness you you want have a truthful relationship you want a relationship now I look for truth about the other look for truth about God your love God look for the truth and the other look for the whole person you love the other person that's what means to look for truth that's why it's rich if it's number five of course you have a Shabbos Shabbos testify truthfully about God Llosa Ana don't testify falsely in a court of law which really means by human beings don't testify falsely don't look for Folsom look for truth speak truth look at the whole picture so I think relationship principle number four is you got to look for what's true about the other if you don't look not gonna have anything you're bothered by little details bothered by little things it's not going out look for what's truth about the other that's where the mission to send the Pirkei avos it says it says I say the kaurav make for yourself a rabbi happy and everybody's rabbi my pleasure Canaan look our Father buy for yourself a friend friends are very important spend money on your friends by the birthday presents taken out for dinner you need friends and then the mission says buy at the end it says the heavy down the collar down the coughs course and judge favorably everybody says what's that doing there make for yourself a rabbi acquire for yourself a friend and judge everybody favorably so everybody explains like this you want to have a rabbi you have to judge favorably because the rabbi won't be perfect but you wanna have a rap on it's good to have I gotta judge them favorably you can make mistakes also here you might have a friend judging favorably he's actually perfect but really what it means I think is looking for truth looking for what's real about the other he's a good person she's a good person she made a mistake he made a mistake that's it God is constantly flowing kindness and he pain in her life it's a small amount of what God gives a small man look yeah okay you know so I start I think you have to look for the truth truth also means that we understand that everything that God does is Purple's purposeful and good and even that pain is so purposeful I'm good so it's like a surgeon is performing an operation it might be painful but it's so purposeful and so good so the pain I'm experiencing right now maybe I'm really experiencing it and it's a big part of my life but I know it's a manifestation of God's love that's also being truthful my definition God only does things which are pure love and only the best possible clue that's also being truthful okay let's go legit number five well it should preface number five and this is the most important one Koby that's our vikre vs america on your mother and father no sacrum oh don't covet what can possibly be the connection between those two concepts what compositive in the connection any suggestions what's the common denominator what's the relationship principle girls what's that respect respect parents okay true its truth moussaka mode means respect their their their properties I hear ya thank you so beautiful do you have you at the Heritage yeah I got a hug right over you such a good job with you wow this is great beautiful I think I'm very beautiful let me flush out what I think you might be saying and and this is the way I would explain it what why would a person covet why would a person covet it's not happy thought he has a person is not happy thought he has in other words the degree to which a human being can recognize listen carefully that they're entirely unique entirely unique the degree to which a human being can recognize that they have a mission in this planet on this planet that no other person has and that God has given you exactly what you need for your mission and God is giving me exactly what I need for my mission and there's no interface none we're all in laboratories we'll have jobs to do that no one else can do the degree to which a human being can appreciate the uniqueness that I am totally special and I have a special and unique job in this world I dare say the degree to which a person will not desire what someone else has a person will only desire what someone else has when they feel like I don't have anything special about me so why should you get everything why should you get the nice car I want your car the person says wait a minute I have my own job to do I have my own mission and therefore I don't think what you have you have it you have great I have exactly what I need for my mission no soccer mode is really saying what I'm saying don't cover it it's really saying look at yourself and appreciate that you have is special this that nobody else has and you don't need what anyone else has and don't desire what they have because they have what they need for their mission and you'll get what you need for your mission and your mission is so unique and so special it doesn't it doesn't matter at all the internals hands there's no interface zero says me come on right in and ok I'm ma shumou kinda Cavell feel like an email anima first can't touch what's been a portion to his friend even up to a hair's breadth it says you have what you have an eye but I have because you have your unique design by uniqueness so if a person covets and desired I want what you have means a person doesn't really appreciate the everything special I don't think would you have why should you but I have what I have for my special mission you know what you have your special mission beautiful coveting is really the antithesis the opposite of appreciation that you're unique do that works so how does that relate to honoring parents a little bit hard how's that relate to our own parents you know the midst of the honor your parents the tow is a very unique Mitzvah it's it's it's almost extreme in what the Torah says but I'd never says you have to like your parents is it it to honor them wants me to honor them you have to give the respect means you have to make sure they're fed they're clothed they have food they have a place to sleep what's that right there maybe but you have to make sure that they have what they need that's what it means now hopefully in life the fact that these people have given to you more than any other 2,000 people to human beings you'll ever meet in your life that should engender a feeling of gratitude and love and a desire to want to give back and to be close and all the human beings and healthy human beings feel that way and therefore the lationship ship they want you to a deeper very warm and full of love but the Commandant doesn't say to love them doesn't say like them she's gotta honor them and why is that you know the reason why I mean it's very extremely how far it goes or you know Gamora describe certain cases where a certain rabbi is giving a class Shir a lecture as mother comes up to in front of the whole lecture hall and spits in his face and he has to remain silent you know respect another case talks about a father who grabs the sons money bag and throws into the ocean doesn't say anything yeah you have to show respect no you know sometimes you listen to like talk to us on the radio and they talk about like getting to know the biological father right person says you know I'm really curious to contact my biological father you know I feel kind of lost and and psychologists oftentimes recommend don't go there well you needed for he deserted you when you were you know week old what do you need that for just stay away and people said like I really have this need no let me suggest something I'm not saying person supposed to go how to pursue the biological father always but there's a need to there's a need to and you know the neatest the Mitzvah to honor parents I give expected parents it's such an important mitzvah because when I give respect to them I'm acknowledging that they were the ji-hoon beings that who brought me here respect for parents really says that my existence is not an accident I came here at a certain time with two special people and therefore I have a special mission in this world and unique mission and these are the two people who brought me here and therefore when a person gives honor to the people who brought you here it means it's because you really acknowledge that you have a special mission you're not just an accident of nature but you have a high-level mission in this world and these were the two people who God selected to bring me here and therefore I would suggest perhaps that if a person has a need to get into contact with the biological parents it might not be healthy to pursue the relationship it but the need to see and acknowledge and maybe even to do some act of respect for that person might be a healthy impulse you know why because it's true you left me you know when I was 1 we called you such a bomb bumped a mom right you know but you are the person who brought me here and thereby my giving you respect is really acknowledging that my existence is worthy of respect do you know when we respect our parent and that's why it's such a crucial mitzvah for us to see if I like but you have to respect them because we're expecting than you're acknowledging that you're worthy of respect that's what it means so hopefully you will like this naturally you should like leaves you'd like love the people do so much for you God gave created that way that's the neck way that more people do for us to guide this for us we have a natural desire to give back but it's such a crucial Mitzvah because respecting the people who brought us here means that you're important and you hear the connection no sack mode says the degree to which you can recognize that you're unique is a degree to which you want covered the degree to which you recognize that you have a special mission you're not an accident of nature is Negrete which you give honor to the people who brought you here so relationship principle number five and I think it maybe is the most important of all the principles is what self-respecting respecting your own uniqueness respect me own uniqueness you have unique mission you are unique and it's so important in a relationship in a relationship with God it's so important you know why because without my feeling that I'm unique and special I might feel that maybe God doesn't want to get to know me how can I get to know such an awesome being like God why wouldn't want to get to know me so if I could say whether I'm unique I'm special to people brought in here at the exact time for a special mission therefore I'm worthy relationship with God something special and unique about me and of course God wants that relationship with me and I should try to pursue my relationship with God and the world of man and man one can really only love somebody else and see the specialness in someone else if you see a specialist in yourself I can't look at yourself and say I am unique I'm special there's something about me which is totally totally unique how am I gonna look and find that in you and I want to love you for who you are if I can't see that I'm somebody special how could I find something special in you so degree to which a person could say that I am worthy of love and respect because I'm unique is really degree to which I could say and I see that in you but you have seen yourself first to love someone else form you have to love yourself you got to see that you are somebody really valuable and the degree to you should see that it agrees you'll see in somebody else it often times relationships people tell and they say they don't feel worthy of being loved and if they're worthy of people said don't feel worthy of being loved I can't accept your love because I don't feel I'm worthy of it and a person like that can't even give love because they don't see there's something about themselves worthy of being loved how they discover something as someone worthy of being loved I can only discover something about you that's worthy of being loved if I realize I have something that's worthy a big loved so perhaps relationship personal number five is the most important one is you have to recognize your own uniqueness in the world of man and man we expressed that out by don't covet what other people have you don't need it everything you have for your mission God will give you and the world of manna creators it means acknowledge the creator's who brought you here give them honor because we're giving them honor and you recognize that you're not just an accident you have a unique mission they brought you here recognizing uniqueness so let's just summarize what do we say we have ten commandments these ten specifically why because the whole purpose of terror is to have a relationship with God and to other human beings getting to know a being outside of herself God and becoming godlike getting out of our own ego and creating ourselves to be godlike by loving another human being having relationships is what the tour is all about if that's what the tour is all about it that's the goal the after the rest come oh I love another outside of yourself if that's the whole points of Tara it makes sense the first 10 commandments that God gives us will be the vehicles to get there will be the tenth principles to get there and as a rabbi say ten commandments folded in each other five principles what are those five principles recognize the existence of the other outside of yourself number two there has to be loyalty look for the essence of the other number three respect the boundaries the property the other number four look for what's true about the other and finally number five the relationship has to begin from a point where you realize your own specialness your own uniqueness your own self-respect perhaps those are the five relationship principles 10 commandments five principles and perhaps that's the whole purpose of the Torah and if we're gonna uncoded unlock the Ten Commandments perhaps we've unlocked it in just one way we realized that God is speaking out these five major relationship principles the most important major relationship principles we need for all relationships [Applause] see