Rabbi Mordechai Kraft - Tisha BAv

Thank you everybody for staying for my speech. I know it's hard to keep sitting on a fast day and there's a need to walk around. And the reality is it's a difficult day. It's a tough day. And it's supposed to be a difficult day. And probably the hardest part of it is not be able to greet each other. Allah says we can't greet. A mourner can't greet. So, if I look at you and just sort of give you like a nod of the head, I'm not trying to be rude. I'm really just trying to restrain myself from from greeting. Hopefully we'll greet each other tonight with Messiah and Moshiach and Amen. Today's topic that I chose is feeling Hashem's love at the darkest and deepest moments of our lives. And I think we know from experience that we can't make it long in this world without either witnessing other people who experience painful situations or having gone through some pain ourselves. And in fact, the Talmud tells us that we're supposed to stand up for somebody who is old. And it doesn't just mean a non-Jew, it doesn't just mean a Jew, it means a non-Jew as well. And the Talmud says the reason we're supposed to stand up is because just by the fact that a person has lived a certain amount of years in this world, it means they've gone through something. They've gone through difficulties. And those difficulties and suffering and the pain of life and the challenges that they've encountered really demand our respect and we stand up. So, it seems to be that challenges are part of life. And challenges can be many. The Rambam in fact lists there are four types of suffering that a person can experience in this world. The first three, I think are kind of intuitive, but the fourth is really counterintuitive. The first three that the Rambam says is that perhaps the least of all suffering is financial suffering. A person loses money. They could lose money in many ways as we know. The stock market, Ponzi schemes, bad investments, having to pay for things we didn't expect in life. And there's suffering. And it is suffering because we feel it. We had something, it was taken away. I could have done so much with it. And where did it go? If only I'd done something different. Second level the Rambam talks about is physical suffering. A person gets hurt. A person suffers in terms of a sickness. A person has some sort of accident in life. There's physical suffering, whether it be illness or whether it be or whether it be an accident of some nature. The third level is to watch somebody else suffer, which is very difficult. In fact, it's even harder to watch someone else suffer. You know, many parents would gladly say, "I wish it were me." I'd much rather have to go through this than my child. And we know that to be true. It's much more difficult to watch somebody else suffer than it is to suffer yourself. The fourth level that the Rambam talks about, which this is what I'm going to speak tonight and this afternoon, the Rambam says the fourth level of suffering is no suffering at all. Where a person doesn't suffer. Everything goes well in life. There are no problems. No financial loss, no emotional problems. Everything is great. Everything goes well. The Rambam says that's the worst type of suffering a person can experience. As if to say that's even worse than financial loss, it's worse than physical pain, and it's worse than watching someone else suffer. The worst pain in this world, the bottom says, and we should be sensitive to this, is if we don't suffer. The question is, why? Why is that so? So, number one, I think to answer this question, we have to ask ourselves slightly and think for a moment and review that the purpose of life is to utilize this world to develop a relationship with Hashem. And hopefully that relationship that we've developed is going to be so much a part of us that we're going to be able to relate to God for eternity. There's a big challenge in this world, though. The challenge of this world is that we could easily get off course. Instead of realizing that my money is a means to do mitzvahs, a person can oftentimes think the money is the goal. Instead of realizing that my health is a vehicle through which I can have the means to serve Hashem and do good for others, people think the goal of life is to develop a physique. Oftentimes we get confused. We look at the physical world and we say, "This is what it's all about." Sometimes Hashem has to create a space for us to remember that he's there. And Hashem created the world that way. He created a world where there's going to be darkness, and then there's going to be light. A world where we have to struggle to find God, and sometimes it's through the struggle that we find him deeper. And perhaps that's why Jewish day begins at night. Understand you go from darkness to night. There's always going to be a cycle in our lives. There's going to be darkness. I don't see what's happening, and then there's light. But when I see the light, oh, I have such a new appreciation for that light. So, God has to constantly make us aware of what the true purpose is in life. And if he stops doing that to us for a moment, it could mean that he feels that we don't have that potential. You know, someone I once read a story one time about a student who was on his way to university and his father gave him a credit card with $50,000 in credit. And he was told, "I want you to buy books for college and pay for your tuition and find a place to live." So, the first thing he did with the credit card was is he went to the BMW dealer and he leased a 2010 BMW. He then went to the dealer across the street, didn't have to lease anything, he bought something. And with the substance he bought and the leased BMW, he wrapped himself around a telephone pole. In the hospital, broken and shabby, he's recovering and his father comes to visit and his father looks at him, goes right to the telephone, dials the number of the credit card company. And as the son is waking up, he hears his father's voice and he hears his father cancel the credit card. And he turns to his father, he says, "What are you doing?" He says, "I'm canceling the credit card." He says, "Why are you doing that?" He says, "Look what you did with it. You almost You ended up in the hospital." And he said to the son, says to the father, "Listen, it's my life. I'll do with my life that which I please." The father says to him, "Listen, it might be your life, but I love you too much to sit back and let you destroy yourself." That's what God says to us. We might say to God, "Listen, God, I prefer a nice easy life. I'd like an easy life. I'd like a house in the suburbs. I'd like no complications when I build the house. I'd like a fancy car. Like a job that always seems to be providing for me. Like to find my husband, find my wife on the first date. I'd like to go really easy. And have a great time in the process. You know, God might say back to us, "I love you too much to allow that." Because if there's no challenge in life, there's no growth. And if you don't have to work to find me, how are you ever going to really find me? Sometimes the easiness of life is not the goal at all. The easiness of life could be a means to an end. We appreciate what I have a sham of a house. I could do I could have guests. I have money. I have opportunity to do mitzvahs. But when it's the end in itself, God says, "I love you too much to allow you to waste your life away." You have to create challenge. You know, nobody wants to play soccer without a net. It's too easy. There's no challenge in it. No one wants to play basketball without a basketball hoop. Nobody wants to play tennis if there's nothing in the middle over there. It's the challenge that really allows us to rise the occasion to be something. To grow as human beings and get close to God, we need that challenge as well. So, I say that by way of introduction because we have to understand that there are going to be challenges in life. There's going to be physical pain. There's going to be financial pain. There's going to be emotional pain. There's going to be the pain of watching other people suffer. But the worst pain, the worst suffering, the worst pain tells us if we don't receive any pain. Because that means God thinks that we're hopeless. That's like letting the kid in school fall asleep and not waking him up. But that's what God says to most of us. He allows us to be woken up in many situations. So, my question this afternoon that I want to deal with is how are we supposed to respond when God does bring pain into our life? In order to To so, I'd like to look at two great rabbis in Jewish history and see how they responded to very severe pain in their lives. Let's begin with Moshe Rabbeinu. Moshe Rabbeinu, we know, our teacher, the greatest prophet whoever lived, the greatest human being who might have ever lived. He was denied his one great dream. That dream was to come into the land of Israel. And he wanted the land of Israel not because he wanted to kayak down the Jordan River or go to the other water aquarium in a lot. He wanted the land of Israel because I understand the land of Israel is a place where you can connect to God like no other place on this planet. And he so badly wanted to come in. And God refused him. And for reasons that are very difficult to understand, he hit the rock. He didn't speak to the rock. Whatever reasons, he so badly wanted it. And in this week's parsha, we know that the gemara after this column is 515, and it teaches us that he davened 515 prayers in order to be allowed to come into the land. And each time God said no. No, 515 times. The midrash tells us that Moshe Rabbeinu, after he was told no and it was sealed, he went back to God again. And he said, "God, can I come into the land?" So, the midrash has such an interesting question. Our rabbis say, "What was he, a masochist? Was he crazy? What's he doing? God tells him no 515 times, and he comes back again? How do you do such a thing? Was he gloating for punishment?" So, the midrash answers, our rabbis say something so fascinating. They say that Moshe Rabbeinu wanted to hear the no. He wanted to hear God say no to him one more time. And the reason why is because if Hashem gives a decree and that decree is you cannot come into the land it must mean that God wants me to experience the pain of that decree. Not to ignore it. If that's my life's ambition and God is saying no it must mean that I'm supposed to feel pain. So God, if you want me to feel the pain, I'm going to ask you one more time. Can I come in? And God says, "No, you cannot come in." Thank you, God. I wanted to hear it one more time. I wanted to experience the no because that's from you. And a rabbi is giving an example. They tell a parable. It's like a king who decrees on two servants. He says to two servants that you can't drink wine for 30 days. So one servant says, "Wine? Who needs wine? I could last a year without wine." The other servant says, "Wine? 30 days? I can't go without wine for 1 hour. How am I going to go for 30 days? If the king decrees that you can't drink wine the king wants you to feel the decree. Moshe Rabbeinu If God said you can't go to the land and that's my life's ambition, I'm supposed to feel it. I'm supposed to get inside me. I'm supposed to think about it. I'm supposed to hurt. Because God wants it to hurt. Because when it hurts, I have to really look into myself and say, "God, what do you want me to learn from this? I did something wrong. How can I improve myself? How can I change?" You know, we once asked a Rosh Yeshiva the question, but you know if you think about pain too much isn't that going to destroy you? You know, if you think and you focus on the fact you can't go in the land, you focus on the pain it hurts too much. If it hurts too much, aren't you going to go crazy? So our Rosh Yeshiva of Hadar Leibowitz said something so beautiful. He said, "The more you think about the pain, the more you think about the source of the pain. And when you focus on the source of the pain, you know it's the Almighty. And when you know it's Hashem, you know that it has to be but love. It's only when you ignore the pain, does it hurt. Because God like pain, you don't remember Hashem. But if you could feel the pain at the same time and feel that Hashem is behind the pain. And you know that Hashem doesn't do anything except out of love, there must be something good here that I just can't see. Hashem, I know it's you. And in fact, you know, this is the halakha. When you go to a shiva, somebody's mourning, the halakha teaches us that when you come into a house of mourning, you're not supposed to say anything. You're supposed to wait for the person to speak first. Why? Because the mourner's working. He's working on his pain. He's thinking about what just happened. He's dealing with the loss, and he's feeling it, and it's hurting. But as he's feeling the hurt, he's feeling who's the source of this hurt. Who just took him? The Almighty, Hashem. And if Hashem took him, I know there has to be something good awaiting him. There's something good awaiting my life. And if you distract the mourner, try to cheer him up, oh, you just done a terrible, devil thing. Cuz you're taking him away from dealing with it. Focusing on the pain. So, rule number one, in order to deal with the pain of life, is don't hide from it. Don't run away from it. Think about it. Feel it. It's coming from Hashem. Hashem is the source. You know, often times we doubt into Hashem, we say to Hashem, you know, I got to tell you about somebody who's sick. I know if somebody has also makhla, he a terrible disease. I got to inform you. You know, if we could hear Sham's response, the response would always be, "You don't have to inform me. I know he's sick. Not only do I know he's sick, I'm the one who made his white cells multiply at such a fast rate that it's causing this terrible disease. And what I want from you now is to feel this pain and to value life. And if you can do so, I can undo the sickness. Because that's why I brought the sickness to begin with. Hashem wants us to look inside ourselves and focus and feel the pain. So, we never want to distract somebody from their pain. We want to help them deal with it. How do we help them deal with it? Listen. Listen to what they say. Just listen. And that's what we do in the house of mourning. Here, listen. Help them. And don't speak till they speak. I once asked a very well-known psychologist in Queens, "Should I tell people this advice? That the way to get over pain is to really think about the pain, know that the pain is from Hashem." And he told us something and I want to tell you this. "If you ever dispense this advice, make sure you do it very carefully. Cuz not everybody can handle the pain of life. But maybe they're not ready for it. So, help people focus on the pain, but be very gentle how you do it. And don't force people to think too much about it if they really can't handle it. Dispense this piece of information in yourselves very gently and dispense it to others very gently. But know that if we want to really deal with pain of life, we got to accept it. We got to focus on it. Now, what can be accomplished when we focus on the pain of life? How's this going to help us in a very, very real in a very, practical way. For this, I'd like to share with you something that we read this morning. We read this morning about the 10 martyrs. 10 righteous who were killed by the Romans in the most horrific fashion. And we read it this morning and we read it on Yom Kippur as well. And when you read those Midrashim I can't You can't help but not be shocked. You have great people whose tongues are being thrown to the swine to the pigs. You have beautiful, beautiful righteous whose skin is being taken off and put in a jar for the pleasure of a Roman princess. You have Rabbi Akiva who's being His flesh is being taken off. And you read those Midrashim and you're almost shocked at how this could happen to such such great, great people. I saw a Midrash the Rabbi Bechai that gives a completely different end to this story. And I'd like to share it with you. The Rabbi Bechai says that those 10 who were killed by the Romans weren't killed at all. They weren't killed. What happened was at the last moment there was a switch. Instead of it being Rabbi Chanina it turned out to be the Roman Caesar. Instead of it being Rabbi Ishmael it turned out to be some other wicked Roman official. So those 10 great righteous didn't die. There was the old switcheroo. Like in a movie. You know, you think it's the great rabbi going to his death? No. They get him out of there and who Who to his death? Some terrible, terrible criminal, some terrible Nazi, some thug or a bum. That's what the Medrash says. Fascinating ending. And I was so happy when I saw that Medrash because I like happy endings. And I want to see justice. I don't want to see something so painful that needs to be explained as why great people have to go through this type of death. Let me read you the words that the Medrash says. The Medrash says that he would have been Rabbi Chanina ben Teradyon Buklah. So, Rabbi Chanina ben he was Buklah, he exchanged places. He exchanged places with Lupinus Caesar, with the Caesar who was probably the governor of Israel, Roman governor. He exchanged places with him. Lupinus Caesar who should have been burnt. It was really the Roman Caesar who was burnt. I would love to see that. It wasn't the great Rabbi Chanina, it was the Caesar. The king called his guard and all the other nine of the great Rabbis didn't die. They were exchanged somehow secretly, they got out, and the Romans made a mistake and took one of their own people. Who could be the Zos the governor of Israel? Who should not be missing? And the Ben Chayim writes, he can exchange Shamuel Yitzchak ben El, just like Yitzchak Avinu, Isaac, was exchanged for a ram. Who follows Karka and Buklah? But if Shem gave Yitzchak the reward as if he was sacrificed. Who can you offer over on the Gabi and the spear? And if it's his as if his ashes were sprinkled on the altar. Who would look for Israel be a Herod? So, too, all these great sages were exchanged for other people. They didn't die. It wasn't Rabbi Akiva's flesh who was taken off. It wasn't It wasn't the The of this great Rabbi who was thrown to the the garbage pit for some terrible terrible Roman. The question is why? The venture says came and told them Lisa because since they tasted the taste of death but my mission is doing a good deed now. The fact that they knew that this was the judgement didn't kill her answer Zack in the heart of The venture still doesn't make so fast now. It tells us once they accepted their death, their judgement once they accepted that this was a decree from the almighty that they had to die, it's as if they died. The purpose of the decree was to bring them to Chuba, to awaken them. Once they heard the decree they were so awakened, I shall say you don't have to die, it's done. Because you were aware it was from me. What happened the story tells us that while on quite a double so apparently the jailkeeper was about to kill him and he said first let me check with a sham if this is really a decree. So he went up to shamaya and he spoke to the heavenly court the heavenly court told him yes, this is a decree. You and the 10 others, you and the nine others are payback. Payback for what? Payback for the brothers of Joseph. 10 brothers sold their brother into slavery it's payback time now. Maybe for things you did in your own life as well but there's a historical debt and you have to pay it back now with your deaths. So you should not go down and came down from shamaya and he said to the jailkeeper said okay, I'm ready. And the jailkeeper said to him, you have the ability to go up and down up and down like that? Why don't you just get out of jail and I'll go with you? So he said back to him if it's the from heaven it means that Sham wants my death. You don't think there are lions and bears and wolves that can perform Sham's will just as easily? If that's a decree, that's a decree and I'm willing to accept it. The Jewish comments right there. And it says, "Once they were willing to accept it, that was the end of the decree." Okay, you're free now. That was just going to be an illusion that you died. We're going to bring 10 Romans instead of you because the goal was accomplished. You accepted the decree. You were ready. You were scared. You did the internal work that such a decree will cause to look inside yourself and say, "Sham, what do you want from me? What am I trying to fix up?" All right, this is the 10 brothers of Joseph. They sold their brother into slavery. Sinat chinam that it's at its root. Hatred. We got to fix that up. I'm going to fix that in myself. If only I could fix it. That's it. Done. Sham says you fixed it because you accepted the decree. So, I think rule number two, not only do we have to face the pain of the decree and by facing the pain of the decree, we find greater comfort because by facing the pain of the decree, we realize it's the almighty and we realize the almighty is based in love. When we face the pain of the decree and we say, "God, I know it's you." You know what God says? "We're done. That was it. That was the whole point of it. The whole point was for you to realize it's me and to look inside yourself and do some internal work to fix it up and stop attributing to something else. But go inside yourself and say, 'God, I accept it. It's you. What are you teaching me?'" And right there God can say, "Okay, we're finished. You don't have to go any further. Goal accomplished. Now, let's move on. Let's end that decree. Let's get you well. Let's get you better. Let's find you your wife. Let's find you your husband. Let's have a child now. Let's end the decree. We see another beautiful example of this just in last week's parashah. It says that if a person kills somebody accidentally, so we know that they have to run to a place called an are miklat, city of refuge, and they have to stay in the city of refuge until the Cohen Gadol dies. Apparently, the purpose is if a person kills somebody accidentally, they caused a family to lose somebody. Now, there's a loss in the family. They have to experience what it means to be alone. So, you have to go to another city to be by yourself. And the Cohen Gadol was supposed to have taught people how to act properly and to be careful to do his job. So, he would stay in exile till the Cohen Gadol dies. Question the Talmud asks is, supposing if a person kills accidentally, he's on his way to the city of refuge, and the Cohen Gadol dies while he's on route. Does he still have to go to the city of refuge and wait for the next Cohen Gadol and for him to die, or does he go home back to his family? And the Torah answers so beautifully, it says he goes back to his family. And the Me'iri gives a beautiful beautiful explanation as to why. He says because when the person heard the judgment, that he has to go into exile, he has to leave his family, just hearing the judgment caused such a feeling of pain in his heart, my gosh, I'm going to be alone. That already fixed up the problem. The fact that he caused another family to have to be alone and to lack somebody by killing accidentally. Just hearing those words, go into exile, and the feeling I will be now by myself, the pain he felt just by hearing the words, that was the decree. It's done. He heard it. Now he can go home. So he doesn't have to wait for the next Yom Kippur to come around, he goes right home. But I think the message is so clear. The message is Hashem is telling us listen to the decree. Because the purpose of the pain of our life is to awaken us to come back to Hashem. And if we hear that decree and we wake ourselves, God could say it's done. The decree's over. You know, I oftentimes like to analyze the Hebrew language. And the word for pain in Hebrew for real pain is a word called tsar. Tsar. Tsadi, ayin, resh. If you look at that word the word ayin resh, air, means to awake. Lehitorer. The letter tsadi is the idea of a tsadik, someone who has power. Someone who can rule over himself. A tsadik is powerful. So what's the word for pain? Tsadi, ayin, resh. A powerful awakening. When God brings the stress into our life, emotional, physical, whatever it might be, financial, it's an awakening. And if we can respond by being awoken, that's it. It's done. Now we can get rid of it and move on. So two lessons we have right now. Number one, focus on the pain. By focusing on it, we go inside ourselves and realize it's Hashem and that offers tremendous comfort. And number two, by focusing on it, we feel the pain. Because when we feel the pain, that's exactly what God wants. God doesn't want us to deny it. He wants us to know that it's him. And to look into ourselves, change ourselves, and God can say it's finished. The 10 rabbis, according to this midrash, there are other midrashim that disagree. But according to this midrash, those 10 rabbis never died. Because they didn't need to die. Once they heard the din in shamayim that they have to die because of the sin of Yosef, they worked on themselves. They fixed themselves up. They undid the problem. And 10 Romans died in their place. So we have to accept. And so powerful when we accept God's decrees. I heard a story that happened in the Mir Yeshiva in 1967, when Jordanian bombs were coming from the eastern quarter, where the old city is, to the western side, where the Mir Yeshiva is, which is right on the boundary between east and west Jerusalem, it was then. And often times in '67, before the war, during the war, bombs would fall very close to the Yeshiva. And as soon as they heard the sirens go off, or the bombs coming, there wasn't much sirens back then, they had to quickly go into the miklat, basement, and wait it out. At one point, there's a there was a cry, everyone into the basement. Everyone runs down downstairs. They hear the bomb fall through the roof of the Yeshiva. Hits the base medrish, like we're sitting right here, right in the middle. Lands deep into the floor, and does not explode. The Rosh Yeshiva, Rav Chaim Leibowitz, may he be a psychological bracha, used to have a soda seltzer the rest of his life on that day for the miracle that the bomb did not explode. Because it should have exploded, and it would have destroyed everybody, God forbid, even those in the basement. Rav Chaim Leibowitz said, they were saved because of one thing. There was a In Eretz Israel in '67, they didn't have laundromats. So, how did you get your clothes clean? There's usually some poor lady who did the job. And often times it was an agunah, a widow. In this case, it happened to be an agunah. A woman whose husband had deserted her something like 15 years before and had not given her a get. And she had gone the next 15 years unable to restart her life and had to make ends meet by watch washing other people's clothing. One thing to wash your own clothing. Wash other people's clothing. And that's cuz she had no husband and no life. As they were sitting in the basement and the bomb began to fall, she screamed out, "I forgive my husband." The bomb lands, it doesn't detonate. Khaim Soleveichik said it was in the merit of her forgiveness that the baby should be saved. I was thinking about that story this morning and it hit me there's another aspect to that story. How did she forgive? How was she able to forgive? 15 years of being an agunah, washing clothing, living in almost poverty. How was she able to forgive? I think the answer is that she was Makabel. That she must have accepted God's decree. God I'm able to forgive because I know my pain is from you. If it's from you, you wanted me to experience this. If you wanted me to experience it, I can forgive. I can go on. He didn't hurt me. My husband didn't hurt me. It's a pain that I was supposed to experience and it's coming from you. And if you're the source of it, I know there has to be some good in it. Not just some good, it has to be a tremendous amount of good. Maybe the ultimate good. But the power of accepting God's decree is a power that can grant a person to forgive. And I think it's a power which is the difference perhaps between life and death. God is saying accept it. Accept it. Life can live. Life can go on. The decree is over. The bomb will not detonate. You can continue living normally now. The other great rabbi I want to talk to about this afternoon and we're going to finish with this rabbi is Rabbi Akiva. Rabbi Akiva we know was probably the greatest sage we had since Moshe Rabbeinu. In fact, his greatness was that God took Moshe Rabbeinu on a tour through history and when God saw Rabbi Akiva explaining the crowds of the Torah, Moshe turns to God and said, "What do you need for? You have Rabbi Akiva." And who was Rabbi Akiva? He's about Tuvah. Said he started learning Torah when he was 40. So anybody here under 40, you still hope. And not did he just become a simple person. He became the greatest sage in Israel. The greatest sage. And he's a Jewish hero because he's self-made. As the Torah tells us, it says talmid chacham ger talmid chacham always become gadol. But even a talmid chacham who's a ger is greater than a kohen gadol. Because yichus and lineage doesn't mean anything. What matters in life is what you become, what you make of yourself. And Rabbi Akiva made something of himself. His wife believed in him also, which is important. But he became great through his own merit. His work, his toil. And one would expect that after 120 years, on Yom Kippur, his death would be a quiet death. And he would die peacefully in bed. Yet, we know that's not what happened at all. The Gemara Berachot describes for us what happened. Says that Rabbi Akiva was arrested by the Romans. He was arrested for teaching Torah. The Romans made a decree, part of the many decrees at this point, the study of Torah was illegal. If we if they would find us as what, standing here teaching Torah like we're doing right now, I would be arrested and you all would be arrested. And they arrested Rabbi Akiva and they brought him to prison. While he's was prison, he meets his friend who comments to him and says to him, "Rabbi Akiva, ashrecha. How fortunate you are. Should the first of all be the way of Torah, you were taken to prison because of what you did for teaching Torah." The jailkeeper comes in. Shachatzios Rabbi Akiva l'hareiga. They bring Rabbi Akiva out to be killed. Shema Krias Shema Yisrael. It was the time to say Krias Shema. V'hayu sorkin oso b'saroh b'masrechos shel barzel. They began to take off his flesh with hot iron coals. V'hayah mekabel ol malchus shamayim. And instead of rejecting Hashem, he accepts the yoke of Hashem. Amru lo talmidav, "Ad kan ad she'anu megi'im l'mareinu, ad kan?" "Even now, you're saying Shema Yisrael, Hashem Elokeinu, Hashem Echad as they're tearing your flesh away?" Amar lahem, he said to them, "Kol yamai hayisi mitsta'er al pasuk zeh. My whole life I used to worry about this verse, b'chol nafshicha, to try to love Hashem with all of your body, all of your soul. Afilu notel es nafshicha, nishmasicha. Even if Hashem is taking your neshama from you. Got to love Hashem. Amar Rabbi Akiva, "Matai yavo l'yadi v'aki'emenu? He said, I always He said, "I always said, 'Matai yavo l'yadi, what time will come to my hand, when will I be able to fulfill this?' V'achshav sheyavo l'yadi, lo aki'emenu? And now that it's coming to my hand, I shouldn't love Hashem?" So it says that he lengthened the word Echad. And as he said the word Echad, Hashem took his neshama from him. A bas kol came out from the heaven and said, "The the neshama of Rabbi Akiva has gone to heaven. The angels of the world show us that the angels turn to Hashem and say this is Torah and this is reward? But mostly a person dies in their sleep. Hashem says back through a bass call ashrei Rabbi Akiva. She has been in the hands of God. Of course tragedy Rabbi Akiva. That you enter the next world. As I make a few comments on this story. A famous story we know about us. The death of Rabbi Akiva. Rabbi Akiva the greatest of all sages. He dies with the words of Islam on his lips. An unbelievable Hashem no doubt. Did he feel pain? I don't know. The Rambam writes in the in the 1300s writes that when a person dies for Hashem on Hashem there's no pain. But he didn't know that. So it looks like he's feeling pain. His flesh is being taken away torn away from him. And he's saying Hashem you're one. And his student said to Rabbi Akiva they're killing you they're torturing you. And you're proclaiming God's love? And he says back to them all my life I've been waiting for this. I've wanted this. I always worried maybe if I'm being if I'm dying I won't be able to say to God that I love him so much. And the angels watch this and the angels say this is Torah and this is reward? How could that be? And finally Hashem says back through a bass call Rabbi Akiva just came to the Garden of Eden. My question on the story This sounds very unfair. The Zuta the Zuscara This is Torah? This is his reward? This is going a little too far. Such a great sage be tortured to death in such a violent way. Where's the fairness in this? So I think to understand the fairness is we have to understand a little bit as we've been talking about as to what the purpose of suffering is. And as we've been discussing the purpose of suffering is to look inside ourselves and to create something inside ourselves that wasn't there before. And sometimes we ask ourselves, what are we supposed to create? Well, we're supposed to create a personality that's like God. What's the way we're most like God? When we give. And I'll tell you, I was once up in a little town in Israel a place called Afula about 25 years ago. And I was asked to come to receive a blessing from a great great tzaddik. And I didn't know who the person was, but a bunch of guys were driving up there, so I said I'd go. So I drove up there. And I found this husband and wife pair in front of a little dirt of a wooden house with a dirt floor. And she had a big smile on his her face and and he had a huge smile on his face. And there was a line of about maybe 50 people waiting to speak to them. And finally it was my turn, and I was Sukkot time, and we went to a sukka. And the first thing he did is he gave me a kiss on my right shoulder. And I spoke to him. He told me something which I cannot share with you. But it was the what was prophesied, which was fulfilled to the T a number of years later. And for 21 years I did not know who I'd met. I didn't know the names and I didn't wasn't confident with the people that I'd driven up there with. Until a couple years back I encountered a book called the Holy Woman. And I opened up this book and it talks about this couple that lived with the in a wood shack with a dirt floor and a floor lamp. And I started reading further and he used to kiss everybody on the right shoulder. And I look at the pictures, I said, "There they are." Found them. And then I read why he used to kiss everybody on the right shoulder. For over 20 years I thought it had something to do with Kabbalah. Apparently, he used to kiss everybody on the cheek till his wife told him that was unsanitary. But I read the introduction to the book and the introduction it says that the author upon first meeting this woman found out that she had been in Auschwitz. And not only had she been in Auschwitz but she had been operated on by Mengele, the Mach And she survived the war and she had to go up to Eretz Yisrael, marry this particular tzaddik. And in this first meeting the author of the book says to her "Tell me, what was Auschwitz like?" Concentration camp. Death camp. And she says "It wasn't such a bad place." And the writer of the book says, "Look, don't give me that religious garbage. It was a terrible place. Everybody knows that." She says, "No, it wasn't." She said, "A group of girls got on the train together. We were deported together, and we made a pact with each other on the train that we would live for each other. We would help each other. One girl had memorized the entire Megillat Esther. At prayer time, she read the whole Megillah to us. Another girl had memorized the entire Rosh Hashanah davening. We davened word for word with her. If a girl needed bread, we would share our bread. We lived for each other. And if you can live for somebody else and give, wherever you are, it's not a bad place." And the author turns, this lady turns to the author and says, "You spent a number of years in a Buddhist ashram, a Hindu ashram. That was a selfish place. That was a bad place. That was all about you." And the author writes something very profound that this woman taught her. "The whole purpose of life is to learn to give. And it doesn't matter where you are and what your what your situation is. If you have the opportunity to be God-like and give, you have the opportunity to grow, and life is meaningful, and it can be good. Because the goodness in this world is that you're fulfilling your purpose. Your purpose is to be God-like." So, if you can actually give, she says, "We were able to be givers. It wasn't so bad." Rabbi Akiva is being tortured at the end of his life. He has the opportunity to give the ultimate gift, himself. For him right now, the pain of suffering is all about the opportunity to give. Sometimes we give with our money. Sometimes we give with our time. Sometimes we give with our life. God had the opportunity to give the ultimate gift. My life. But not just give it to you. Give it with love. To appreciate that even this is good. But I know this is a manifestation of your love. I heard such a beautiful reading. In this piece of Talmud. I heard this from my great teacher Kellerman. I thought it was so beautiful. I'd like to share it with you. The angels turn to Rabbi Akiva. And they say, "Zu Torah? Zu S'chara?" This is Torah? And this is its reward? You learn Torah your whole life and you get your flesh taken off with hot irons? Zu Torah? Zu S'chara? I heard him read it again and again. I'd like to find the source for this. It's not how to read it. You have to change the inflection. Zu Torah. Zu S'chara. Ah. This is Torah. This is its reward. You live a life where you realize the purpose of life is to know God. And that the purpose of pain and suffering are the challenges that bring you closer. How does God reward you? He rewards you to bring you even closer. With an even greater challenge. Because that challenge will serve its purpose. And bring greater connection. Ah, Zu Torah. Zu S'chara. My friends. Today is a day of pain. It's a day where we review the suffering of Jewish history. It's a day where we review the suffering in our own lives because any suffering we have in our life today is really a manifestation of the fact we don't have the closeness of God in this world like we did at one point. But let's just remember the lessons I hope we learned this afternoon. Number one, we got to focus on the pain. We got to realize it's from the sham like Moshe Rabbeinu did. Focus on it and feel the pain. And number two, by feeling the pain, realize that's the way to get rid of the pain. The decree can end. Everything can end. Life can go on. And finally, by realizing that the ultimate gift God can give us is the gift of challenges. Because challenges create greater closeness. Zuta Zusra and the Zus Hashem that's merit to see the true s'char, the true reward for all of what we have made up in this year.