Rabbi Naftali Horowitz's new "Foundations for Success" from ArtScroll featured on today's JM

Hour number three on a Thursday as we continue here on JM in the AM. As I said earlier, as I said earlier, it's what sets us apart. 43 years of live programming every single day. Yeah, sets us apart. Tell you another thing that sets us apart, great guests. And our friends from ArtScroll have just released a brand new book written by Naftali Horowitz entitled Foundations for Success, a Torah Path to Happiness and True Self-Esteem. And it's a very interesting book, a very interesting book. I always wonder, you know, like if if I would have read this book 20 years ago, what would I have thought? If I read it 10 years ago, what would I have thought? I'm reading it today, obviously, and I have my thoughts. It's one of the topics maybe we'll discuss with the Rabbi Horowitz. Rabbi Horowitz also revealed to me that he also is suffering the ravages of a lingering cold. So, both he and I are going to trudge through and explore the brand new book together. Uh meaning all challenges here at JM in the AM. By the way, when you go to artscroll.com to order Rabbi Horowitz's book, Foundations for Success, make sure to use promo code radio. Free shipping on any amount and great discount if you make sure every time you check out from artscroll.com you use promo code radio. Rabbi Naftali Horowitz, a pleasure to welcome you back to JM in the AM. >> Thank you, Nachum. Pleasure to be back. >> And we're going to hope that both of our voices make it through without a problem. You know, it's interesting because um I think that that there are many people and a lot of people I think would say this objectively, there are many people who when they think of happiness and true self-esteem in our Torah lifestyle, many would say you're already starting with two strikes against you. And what do I mean by that? What I mean is whether it's justified or not to say it and you'll of course explain whether it is or not, whether it's justified or not to say it, our tradition does not really lend itself to a lot of self-esteem, at least on the on the surface. And also to a degree, not always a lot of happiness. Sometimes we're we're we are told to um strictly abide by the uh by the guidelines that guide an Orthodox Jewish life. Not a criticism, just that's the reality. And that doesn't always bring everybody, you know, happiness. It depends you know, what the situation is. And when it comes to self-esteem, I think a lot of people would say in our tradition, we are taught that we are I don't want to say that we amount to nothing, but that that that we should never think too highly of ourselves. Is it fair to say that we start with a couple of strikes against us in this area? >> So, let me let me just stop for a second and give you two points of information. First of all, we say mishanachnis Adar, marbin b'simcha. Mishanachnis Av, m'matin b'simcha. So, simply put, that means that there's a baseline of simcha that every person should have. In Av, we diminish, and in Adar, we go above. Which tells you from those two that there is an requirement for a Jew to live with simcha. And the pasuk says, "Ivdu et Hashem b'simcha." So, on the happiness front, we have specifically psukim that tell us we're supposed to be happy. On the self-esteem front, I think that people, and this is a topic I address in the book, often confuse self-esteem with ego or ga'avah. And the answer is we should have no ga'avah, and we should have perfect self-esteem. And I use Moshe Rabbeinu as an example in the book. Moshe Rabbeinu was an humble kol adam, but without question, Moshe Rabbeinu knew that he was the only person in the history of the world to take the Jews out of Mitzrayim and split the and stand at Har Sinai. So, a lot of this is we don't understand those two words, right? We use Western society labels to address issues that a Jew was supposed to address through a Torah lens. And in this book, I definitely at least describe before I go about building where does happiness come from and what is real self-esteem according to the Jewish Torah. >> Is self-esteem confidence? Is that a good Is that a good you know comparison or are they're two different things? >> So, in the book, I describe the difference between confidence and self-confidence. And you can say that a person builds confidence by getting good at things and he only tries if he has self-confidence. So, I have self-confidence, for example, that if I put my mind to it, I could learn how to play the guitar. But at this point, I don't have the confidence that I can play the guitar cuz I can't play the guitar. So, self-confidence and self-esteem would be synonymous. >> And on the simcha angle, which I again look at as you said, you know, if there's a simcha and a simcha and there is a baseline of simcha that's required. This is a matter of simcha and you know, I mean we talk about simcha. I don't know if that's as difficult to understand. When it comes to self-esteem though, wouldn't it be accurate or wouldn't I be portraying this, you know, somewhat in reality that in our tradition there's certain degrees of self-esteem that are not encouraged that we shouldn't be thinking too highly of ourselves. There are I I I think some of the and I think you even mentioned some of the um mussar approaches in the book. But aren't some of the mussar approaches to acknowledge how how much of nothingness we are? Like where does that fit into the whole thing? >> So, the book really centers around one sentence which was recently turned into an 8th man cat song. It's an incredible sentence in in in by Rabbi Sadiq Khan, which says that Hashem Adam's five common by Hashem Baruchu. Kach ach kach five common by atzmus. Which is a very powerful statement. It says that just like a person is obligated to believe and have faith in Hashem, it after that has it he's he's responsible, he's obligated to believe in himself. So, that tells you how strongly Rabbi Sadiq Khan felt a person must believe in himself. It has to be an absolute belief. And the foundation of this book is to try to understand what does the death What is the Jewish definition of self-esteem and where is it to be found? And as you'll find in the center of the book, it's ultimately built on emunah. Now, when a person knows that everything that he is is a Hashem Baruchu emanating into this world, the answer Nachman is you should have 100% self-esteem. But know that none of it is you. >> Right. >> And that is the definition of Jewish self-esteem. >> Right. My my self-esteem is established by the incredible esteem that he inserts into me. >> Exactly. >> Right. But >> Now, with the problem with the world now that we become such an exterior external world, which is the biggest challenge today, is that everybody's looking on the outside for self-definition. This book was was intended to build internal self-definition. >> Right, because external self-definition is a is a fleeting concept. When one >> Exactly. >> When one tries to When When one tries to uh justify or try to adjust their lifestyle because someone else has something or someone else does something or someone else is in a different health situation or whatever the case may be, that's the most dangerous thing. Any comparison. >> Exactly. Cuz then you're not you're not living as yourself and you're negating your inner you're negating emanating into you uniquely for a specific purpose. >> Rabbi Nachman Twersky Horowitz is with us, Foundations for Success ArtScroll book. So give me one last shot at this cuz I know you why would you want to harp on this, but I'm you know after all these decades I need to harp on it for a moment. So the the the piece of our tradition that does tell us you are nothing. You are you know you you don't think so highly of yourself. Um you know that that makes an effort in in a musar sense makes an effort to really shoot people down. What is that? Where does that fit into the whole thing? >> It fits into a generation which began life with self-esteem and had healthy self-esteem and it's something I address in the book. You will not find Bali musar almost exclusively you will never find Bali musar addressing low self-esteem. >> Right. >> What they're addressing Nachman is gaiva. >> Right. >> Because in a generation where people had healthy self-esteem the biggest challenge was arrogance. So what you're seeing is an attempt to beat down arrogance. Today we don't have real arrogance. We have what masquerades as arrogance to protect the little self-esteem that the person still has. There you must build up your self-esteem. Now once you build up your self-esteem you may find that you have an underlying arrogance which you need to work on, but you can't work on anything if you don't believe in yourself. >> Right. And by the way in this world of you know increasing social media and you know increasingly watching you know communities, individuals and families, you know having unique experiences whether it has to do with money or not, but having you know different and unique experiences. Very often in the old days, nobody would have a clue what somebody a mile away was doing. Now you know what people 3,000 miles away are doing. Uh when we >> Exactly. >> Right, with all this, you know, with all this mounting the pressure on people and kids and families, their self-esteem really is uh is in jeopardy. >> Exactly. And this is a topic I addressed. The scariest part is we don't even realize it cuz it chips away at us piece by piece. >> That's why those who give up social media are the smartest ones. Because even though those Cuz even even though those of us who don't give up social media think they're crazy and think they'll never make the adjustment and think it'll make no difference in their lives, they report back that it's made the biggest difference ever. >> And you know you know Nassan that the people that don't give up social media deep down they're jealous of those that did. >> Right. >> And they say I just wish they had the fortitude to do what they did. >> Just like they're jealous of everybody on social media. >> [laughter] >> They're jealous of the ones who are on. They're jealous of the ones who are off. We're jealous of everybody. [laughter] Um >> And I hope people I hope people read this book because I worked hard on it. I did a lot of research and I spent a lot of time writing about it, but >> book is amazing. The book is amazing. And you know, yesterday we had a whole discussion here in studio live on the air about appreciation. And I quoted my my my late wonderful friend Mayor Wagner who said if you wake up in the morning and you're healthy, you've won the lottery. The point being of course, yeah, the point being of course, you know, we have so much we have so much to be thankful for. And it's funny cuz at one point in your book you actually mention those with physical disabilities. And and you know, and you don't even have to go to that. In other words, it's terrible when when someone we know we think it's terrible. I should put it that way. We think it's terrible when someone we know, you know, has some type of disability or some type of shortcoming when it comes to their physical skills, etc. Uh but the reality is you don't even have to go to that point where you're comparing yourself to someone who's in an extreme situation like that. Just a Just a basic appreciation for being able to wake up, for being able to walk to work, for being able to, you know, get through the day when you have a cold. You know, like just that basic appreciation, you know, helps build all of this self-esteem. >> Absolutely. I mean, this is why Hashem incorporated brochos into the morning prayers. I mean, if you finish saying the brochos in the mornings, you can fulfill them and you actually stop and think about what life would be like had you not woken up that way. You've already started your day on the right foot and I knew your late friend, May Weingarten, very, very well, as you know. He was a very dear friend of mine and May or smiled every single time I saw him. He was a walking, smiling beacon of light because I know he appreciated every single thing in his life. And there is a chapter on appreciation because if you don't appreciate, then of course you have no self-esteem cuz you have nothing to feel good about. >> Yeah. I guess that when it comes to one's relationship with the one above, it's best to Like like you said, starting with birkas hashachar, it's best to start with all the good things that he's given us and then if we have a special request or a special need or we're suffering because of a special situation, then then we could start, you know, asking him to consider altering that circumstance as well. But it's a good idea to start with a list of a million things that he does for us that that are so amazing. >> I'll tell you a quick story now. Someone called me up a few weeks ago. He was in a very bad mood. I asked him, "What's the matter?" And he said that, you know, he lost a client. And I looked at my watch and it was 11:30. And I said to him, and he was really, really bent out of shape. And I said to him, "Did anything good happen to you today before that?" He goes, "No. This was the first thing. I I you know, I sat in traffic, I got to the office, I lost the client." And I said, "So really, your day started off on the wrong foot." And he says, "Yes." And I said, "Okay, so now I understand why you're so bent out of shape." I said, "You got out of bed this morning, you opened your eyes and you were able to see. Start Start listing all the Put all the things that happened this morning before 11:30 on one side of the scale and then put the lost clients on the other side of the scale and call me back. >> You know, you have a a section of the book uh on Emunah Peshuta. Do you remember that you wrote about that about wrote about that? >> Yes. Yes. >> and and the more you and I talk about this, the more I keep saying, you know, if you keep this really, really uncomplicated, if you keep this at its simplest level ever, it's much easier to get through today. >> Correct. If you if you aren't if you aren't corrupted, you can live all day on Emunah Peshuta. What I came to realize was that people don't understand what R' Tzadok is saying. What does that mean to believe in Hashem? We have too much of an we our idea of Hashem is too abstract. And as I write in my in my book, I've spoken to thousands of people who struggle with self-esteem. They all see Hashem as a celestial vending machine. I put in my tfillin in the morning, I push a button and I expect the beer and potato chips to fall out. That's their relationship with Hashem. You understand that you are Hashem, you are an emanation of Hashem. Hashem is everywhere, he's ain sight. When we start to internalize the greatness of Hakadosh Baruch Hu and who we actually are, we bring Hashem inside, we fill ourselves up and for that we have to go beyond Emunah Peshuta because Emunah Peshuta doesn't mean what we think it means that oh yeah, Hashem created the world, duh. That's not what it means. The Emunah Peshuta that our bubbies allowed them to walk into crematoriums singing Ani Ma'amin. This wasn't Emunah Peshuta. This was so deep, it was so instinctive. Today Emunah Peshuta means well, yeah, Hashem created the world, my rebbe told me that when I was a little kid. That's not Emunah Peshuta. >> And and that's obviously, you know, that that that's an example that thank God most of us cannot relate to. But what about the examples we can relate to? There are people in the prior generation who had no money, who had no you know, who had a you know, imagine imagine fathers today if you would tell them that there was an era when you could be a father and literally have no ability to provide for your family properly. What would that do to your self-esteem? What would it do? But these were fathers who as you know These were fathers >> be Nachman the wood chopper. >> Correct. >> And I would be Naftali the water carrier. >> Correct. >> And we'd be happy. >> Correct because they started their day in shul and they they studied Torah and they had and they knew they were living a proper life and they were good examples to their children and they made sure that they that their children didn't think that material goods were the most important things and things like that. >> And the and the gvir in town was the gvir in town and that's nothing to do with me. >> Right. >> And you forgive him. Good, he's the gvir and I'm the water carrier. And guess what? We're both happy. >> Yeah. By the way, you had a you just said that about in town somewhere in the book you wrote about Rabbi Uri Zohar. Um with what was it? Marketplace mentality? What was it? It was marketplace something. >> Marketplace mentality. It's also in in the chapter of truth I write about Rabbi Uri Zohar. He's very close to Rabbi Uri Zohar. >> Tell me about that. Tell me about the marketplace mentality. >> Oh, the marketplace mentality is that we have become productive marketplace machines. That's the way we see ourselves. We're all just we're machines. >> Meaning we are what we do. Is that what Is that what you >> We are what we do. We are what we produce. We are what we earn. And that's the way we're valued in the marketplace. Right? So if you're in a in my firm for example, you get ranked based on the number of clients you have, based on the assets under management, based on your revenues and you move up in the ranks, you know? And I'm in the chairman's club and right? And that becomes who you are. That becomes who you are. >> So what's the right What's the right mentality? If marketplace mentality is wrong, what what would you designate as the right one? >> The entire book that I wrote. Which is first of all, I define myself by the that are everlasting and that are eternal. How much eternal currency am I creating by bringing up children, by living a a full threat life with morals and ethics? How much How much am I living up to my potential? This is my my This is what I should be focusing on. Because one day I won't be on Wall Street anymore and you won't be on the radio or maybe you will be. You're doing unbelievable work, but you know, you meet a person at 80 or 85 and you say to him, "Shalom aleichem. Who are you?" He goes, "Oh, I'm I'm a retired accountant." I'm like, "What? That's who you are? You're a retired accountant?" Yeah, I was an accountant all my life. Now I'm a retired accountant. As I write in my book, as I say, "I'm a retired teenager." It's just a It's so [clears throat] ridiculous. Think about it. I become I remember when I first came to Wall Street and I was like, it was like they tried to get you to identify with the title. This is who I And then one day I woke up. I said, "What am I? Come on. This is what I am?" This is not what I am. So then you start to question, "What am I really?" What am I really? I'm a father. I'm a grandfather. I try to be a ben Torah. I try to be an even a sham. I try to be a friend to others. These are things that no one could take away from you. You know, you get fired from your job, your market based mentality goes to shatters. >> You know, I worry about young men and young women in the firm community who spend their days in the environment you just described. I worry about that, whether it's a law firm, whether it's Wall Street, whether it's accounting, whatever it is. >> Yeah. >> I worry about that. And a lot of them, by the way, you have to give them credit. A lot of them persevere because they're in that situation. And you got to give them credit for that. Like a lot of them have to have have their priorities straight because they're on the front lines and want nothing to do with it. >> Nachman, I'm writing the book from Nachman says that when the Satan tries to swallow the last piece of the Yid, the pintel Yid, right? It rises up and it battles with all its might. And I could tell you that when I realized that Wall Street was going to try to swallow me up, that last bit is why I reached for my personal of office and that is why I fought back. And because I was in Wall Street, I became so intimate in the personal of office because I knew I have an existential threat before me. Which was so alluring and was so beneficial in so many ways, but I couldn't allow it to swallow me up. And you're 100% right. I speak to so many people in law firms and accounting firms and when it comes to that existential threat, they fight back with all their might. The Tanya writes about this, the Nefesh Hachaim writes about this, that that point in the heart is going to fight back and sometimes that fight back takes the person to places he would have never gone otherwise. >> By the same >> has to know what's a big test in life, but we have the tools to fight back. >> By the same token, and people may think it's a joke when I say this and it's a test in life, by the same token, when someone is lucky enough, whether as a teacher, whether as a you know, in a firm company, whether whether just you know, a rabbi, if someone has the opportunity to spend their day in a Jewish environment, that can't be taken for granted either. They can't be they can't be down on themselves like, oh, I'm in such a >> I'm 100% >> I'm in such a limited arena. I'm in you know, I I I I wouldn't have an opportunity to to really expand or to you know, they have to understand you know, the positive of of that experience. >> I I could say this to all your listeners, I don't have a single one of my sons that want to come into Wall Street. >> Wow. >> And they told me, "Tati, we couldn't do it. Not in this generation." They're they're working inside Jewish firms and they will not go into my practice because they know it's it's it's a challenge. So if you're working in a Jewish company, you're running a Jewish company, a shverer you are saving yourself from one of the biggest mysteries of this generation. >> Wow. >> [sighs] >> Ah, boy. We we really got into a lot of topics this morning, didn't we? >> [laughter] >> It's a 400-page book, by the way, folks. A 400-page book. >> chopping off two after chopping off two chapters and cutting probably about 20 12,000 words of material out of it. I was blown away when I put the chap when I put the book together after writing it into one document, I almost fainted because it was over 500 pages. So, um but I it it's an easier read than my last book. I I really I I watered it down more cuz I got feedback from readers. They wanted it easier. I wrote it easier. It's woven with stories. People that have read it before, the people who wrote the approbations on the back said it was a book they couldn't put down. They just kept reading and reading and reading. So, it's easy to digest. But, it's a big sugiya, as we say. It's not a simple sugiya. I try to come at it from every single prayer angle. As I write in the in the introduction, using material that I had to find because there was nobody that talked about self-esteem. >> Yeah. >> I really had to think about it from every angle. And you see like appreciation or how acts of kindness build self-esteem and so on. And emunah. So, I had a lot to put in. I hope that people will find it engaging enough to finish. >> Sometimes when you uh when you want to make progress in um emunah, self-bitachon, self-esteem, confidence, proper confidence, etc. Sometimes you need you need it running in the back of your head all day long. Like you you know what I'm saying? Like and then then it's hard cuz that mechanism doesn't really exist. So, it's hard to do that. But, uh >> It's very hard. >> You you could forget everything a second later. Or not not forget everything. You could act as if you forgot everything a second later. >> So, that's why the shulchan aruch says that he doesn't write his book to teach you something new. He writes his book to review what you already know. And it you know, when you understand how the brain works, you understand that in the beginning, it's very hard to get this information, but I could tell you from experience, the more times you allow that thought to come up, and the more times you push it into the forefront of your consciousness, the more natural it becomes, and then over time, you will start to say more often, "Hashem's running the world. I'm going to be fine." It these are things that sometimes are not accessible in the beginning, but you'll find you'll surprise yourself 6 months of that of pushing yourself, reading a book like this, reading other forum, you'll start to find, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe I just said that. I just said Hashem runs the world." A year ago, I would have never thought of that. Even though we all know Hashem runs the world, but who thinks of that when we're going through a challenge? >> You alluded to your first book, You Revealed. Why did it do so well in your opinion? >> It because it's Torah and it's I took Torah that was abstract and I made it applicable. And I so many people I mean, still get hundreds of emails a month about that book. And it's still selling unbelievably. And it's not a hit just because Torah is truth. And you do not you would be you would be shocked how many non-Jews read that book. >> Really? >> Oh, thousands of them. It's crazy. I get emails from Muslims and Christians. I had a Christian guy who bought a box of books and gave it to all his grandchildren. >> Wow. >> It's Torah. It's Torah. And it it it you know, I I so appreciate the Torah that I have and it's so enhances my life both in the business world and out of the business world. And I knew that there's no way in the world that someone in the world won't appreciate Torah. So, it thank God as I I I feel honored that I was able to help people with that book. And this book is I think going to do even better because it's touching on a topic that is literally plaguing this generation. >> Oh, that's an understatement. All right, my guest is Rabbi Nachman Horowitz, everybody. The book is called Foundations for Success, A Torah Path to Happiness and True Self-Esteem. Go to artscroll.com. Make sure to use promo code radio. Again, the book is Foundations for Success, brand new, A Torah Path to Happiness and True Self-Esteem, Naftali Horowitz. Again, go to artscroll.com. Make sure to use promo code radio. Can't thank you enough for spending this time with us. Thank you so much. >> Naftali, always my pleasure. We should just sit down and have lunch cuz we have a LOT >> IT'S SO FUNNY YOU JUST SAID that cuz I wanted to I was I was going to ask you on the air where you hang out all day cuz I wanted to do just that. It's so funny you were my colleague for a day. >> I would have You You shoot me an email and I'm there. I'm my treat. >> What What borough or city are you normally in on a regular day? >> Right next door to friend Mayor Winegarten used to live in Brooklyn, KNL. >> Wow. >> In Brooklyn. Yeah. Yes. >> Uh we're going to have We're going >> pleasure, Naftali. Thank you. >> We're going to talk about mayor. That'll take a double lunch slot. All right, Naftali Horowitz. Thank you so much. A Foundations for Success, everybody. Get the brand new book, Naftali Horowitz, amazing. Here at JM in the AM. More coming up. You're listening to a What is today? A Thursday morning edition of JM in the AM. >> [music] >> Mhm.