MUSSAR Shiur Unlimited Bitachon (Confidence)

[Music] we uh had a couple of really good sh this week I think uh both were scary CU I left a she scared uh um Sunday I think was more scary than yesterday uh because Sunday was a rational approach Sunday was a rational approach that you can't regardless whether you want to believe in mystical parts or not um whether you understand it whether you can get your head around it or not it's irrelevant Sunday was the type of sh that um you can't deny regardless of who you are religious not religious Jew non-jew it doesn't make a difference because you have to always ask ask yourself a question what am i showing up to the courthouse with whether it's the courthouse over here if somebody gets a speeding ticket or Shalom some type of uh charge or a lawsuit of some kind or even more so the courthouse in so uh this before I forget is also going to be to to um s Sana Doris David and um Elisha Elish and all of so Sunday Shure which was I think called amazing questions about God number six the that we have in Hollywood from Hollywood number six and it was a rational approach to uh yesterday I think we had some funny stuff uh for a little while until we got scared to death when we talked somebody asked a question about Gom uh and um I don't think people really understand the significance of the Judgment the depth of the de the depth of the Judgment in shamim um the unfortunate uh misunderstanding of God cost people potentially their eternity and uh this is the reason why we try to constantly remind people that it's not a joke and it's also not my opinion uh but nonetheless you know each one of these shes gets us a little closer and closer to the truth now most people can't really fathom can't really think that far ahead even if you tell them listen there's ganen there's Gom there's amazing things spectacular things on the good side and on the bad side it's too far for them it's too far for them to connect to it for most people and by most I literally mean 99.9% of people I'm just trying to survive I'm just trying to survive my day today I'm just trying to survive my life I'm just trying to survive my medical issues I'm just trying to survive my marriage just trying to survive my kids I'm just trying to survive my parents I'm just trying to survive now this is the mistake that uh I made for many many years because I was also Al just trying to survive and the just trying to survive mentality is a very very unhappy mentality because you're never finished you never feel like anything is under control you never feel like you've actually survived you're always trying every day is a new battle every day is a new problem every day is a something so just trying to survive mentality is a guarantee for depression um but there are many answers in the Tor for these things and we could see in the some of the things that connect to it and some of the other that I think are ultimately going to help us now we talked very briefly about yesterday this is the end of Yu's life on this in this world it says lived in the land of Egypt 17 years and the days of yov the years of his life were 147 years so yov now arrived at Egypt at 130 but now they're mentioning that the last 17 years he lived in Egypt with his son Yosef and the rest of his family but this is the end this is the end of the journey and he asks something very interesting had a that I think is very relevant to us he asks YF a very interesting yet strange thing if you think about it says calls his son YF in case someone would think maybe he called his other son no he called his son your and he tells him if I was favored in your eyes meaning if you love me if you love me put your hand under my breit put your hand under my breit put your hand under my breit and do kindness and Truth with me what kind of kindness and Truth is he asking for please do not bury me in Egypt now I'm sure all of you have heard this before you've read CH before on your own sure you read it already this week because you're due to finish it already before Shabbat and I don't know maybe you asked the question maybe you already have the answer you could help me out but but I look at this PUK and it seems like yov is overdoing it I mean yov is not just anyone yov is yobu everyone knows even the Egyptians even in last week's says how many years you in this world what do you mean how many years it's not nice to ask an old man how old he is meaning how many years you've been Among Us you're such a giant we've missed without being not being next to you why why did he automatically first thing he asks him not what's your family what's your background you askenazi you saf you want some CH you want some J where you from do you have any kids you have any doesn't ask him no Square he says how old are you it's not nice to ask how old do you why because was a gan was a prideful person there a little compact little was Tiny was a foot and a half foot and a half tall but he was a wizard he had magic and so on and in order to make sure that everyone bowed to him he made the entrance to his uh where his uh Throne was made it very small very short so anyone that will walk in would be going all fours so automatically where they like him don't like him doesn't make a difference they're already bowing to him in in the beginning they're already kissing his feet was so when YF went to bring him he brought him to the front entrance he was going to bring him to the front entrance what are you he can't go through the back like like YF is he has to go to the front entrance now if he goes to the front entrance he has to yob has to bow to this T to this impure par has made hasem made a miracle and literally made the walls spread and go around yov against nature so it means imately par realized he's not he's he's not dealing with some just anyone like who is this giant that changes nature so from here we already know that even the Egyptians knew that yov was a big deal even more so yadik loved his father dearly constantly asked his brothers during that whole journey that whole test is my father's is is is your father alive your father alive really he's asking is my father alive and by the way the reason why he kept asking him this question the sages explain a very very peculiar K why do they keep asking about the father why didn't he ask about something else and the reason why is because he didn't understand how they can't recognize him he's Joseph he's their brother okay he hasn't seen him in 20 years but even if you don't see somebody for 20 years you can still if you lived with somebody for 17 years you can recognize them somebody that goes and uh sees their teacher sees their teacher after 20 years still recognize a teacher as a side note there's a very famous story about um shalom day he saw a woman came up to him older woman and he says oh for the please bless me and then okay sure sure no no give me more more I don't know you recognize me say you look familiar but tell me tell me goes I was your kindergarten teacher I was your kindergarten teacher he got so amazed wow like he just saw the Masia started praying wow wow wow wow wow shortly later she passed away and he did not stop praying for her every day he would say kadish for her he hasn't seen her in s decades he said kadish until she came he told this to his students she came to me in a dream she told me to stop saying kadish why she says every time I say k for it gets to a higher level in G higher level in G higher level in G she said I'm with the T I don't understand anything I T already stop stop I need to go lower I don't understand what's going on too much why he ow a gratitude so again years and years passed maybe doesn't this doesn't that but in general as soon as you remember oh my kindergarten teacher all your memories return but this is after 50 60 years here we're talking about a stranger with Yik his brothers Yik it's only 20 years sadik you're right in front of me what do you mean you don't recog how could you not recognize why is he why is he asking why they can't recognize the say because made I identical to yov identical their face was exactly the same so he kept asking them is my father still alive because how is it that you guys don't recognize me because if my is it possible that my father has been dead for so long you forgot how he looks like because if you looked at me you would see my father which you know I'm your brother so how is he not recognizing me so what's the answer what's the answer say there's a specific you're not allowed to look at's face you're not look you're not allowed to look at someone wicked's face not allowed why hurt you could hurt you not it's a thing that the says you're not not allowed to do it so from here we learn that the brothers despite the fact that they ate next to him and they were next to him and they almost had a little battle with him and everything the whole time they didn't look at him why say he's like Paro I'm not going to look at his face that's what they said say you're like Paro you're like par you're evil like Paro so they look at his face so now back to to our to to our subject at hand we have ises I mean it doesn't get better than this it's G what is he doing hey my son You Love Me Maybe you love me even if he's not he loves you what what kind of son doesn't love his father I mean today you have to ask that question it's a little strange today but in previous generation let's think let's imagine like we're in the previous generation kind of you love me of course I love you what do you mean I love me it says do me a favor what do you mean do me a favor you're my father we're not talking about to a atheist son and an atheist father and uh they both believe that we came from monkeys we're talking about KES do me a favor what do you mean do me a favor but not just any favor do me a kindness do me truth okay so you're thinking you know what he's asking for something that's probably beyond my ability he's probably asking for me to build him the pyramids on top of my head he's asking me to take all my money and invest it into his to or something and I'm going to pretty much be homeless the next day he's asking me for something that's beyond my abilities that's I mean that's the only thing that explains it do me a favor don't bury me in Egypt that's it does it make sense is making this whole big ordeal don't bury me in Egypt that's it anyone who thinks the yov was really so worried about where his flesh is going to be when his is going to be in with is fooling themselves doesn't understand a thing about so first and foremost we see this verse is something very peculiar first off we see that yov is telling put your hand under my breach where did we see this before where do we see this before we saw this with AB we saw this with abah ainu when abah ainu spoke to elel his servant and he told him listen do me a favor do me a big said go find my son a wife but not just anyone it can't be one of the Canaanite people it has to be one of our people and so on and so forth but I'm not looking for Shan that's going to convince me you know to have my uh daughter marry a guy that's uh blind stupid and poor I'm not looking for that I'm looking for you to get me what I'm asking for today in today's age if you're you have to also be like a partial liar too because they tell you listen I want a guy da I want a girl the girl is uh paraplegic the guy is uh barely Jewish the it's a problem sometimes you have a guy listen I want someone that's tall that's this that's that okay no problem okay so what what' you bring me here the guy is not tall I ask you for someone tall okay he's not tall but he's a nice guy it's a nice guy okay whatever he's not tall fine but he's he's rich not exactly Rich he's not not a rich no he's not rich no but ask for tall and rich he's not a tall and rich but he's a nice guy but uh he knows to I don't you have to ask see what he says he doesn't talk much he doesn't talk much that's already a good sign all of a sudden they like oh you know what fine no problem legs nice guy sounds nice doesn't say a thing automatically sounds nice he's not tall he's not so rich fine the day they get married all of a sudden T he starts hitting the way what do you what kind of guy did you give me the guy's a wife beater what' you say to him nothing I just said hello and he said okay now that you're my wife I have to show you how to be one what kind of guy you give me what I told you I told you give me a nice guy listen so I didn't give you a nice guy so I missed out on one thing everything else he had no so that's that the problem today is that you have you have a little having a little bit of a difficulty you have a problems so Shalom he tells elzar elzar please do me a and go find my son a wife specific wife has to do this that under no condition do you bring my son over there she has to come over here and so on and so forth and what the deal to show you how important it is I'm giving you we're making we're shaking hands if you will today but I'm showing you that the way that abah ainu shook hands is by showing a person the most valuable possession that he has Beyond his name Beyond his money Beyond his everything else is his why because the whole reason of why I'm sending you far away to find my son a wife is because it needs to comply with the rules of God so already over here we see the Yakov his grandson same strategy put your hand under my bit and do for me next thing we see is yob is saying do a kindness truth with me which is also something that we heard before if you remember when yob was coming back to go see his father after being away and running away from asav running away from the war with asav eventually he came back and he says he talks to Hashem he says hem I have been diminished by all of the kindness and by all of the truth that you have done for me so here we see that he uses the same exact words kindness and Truth the same exact words that he's using here with yourf so now we see this this these this specific words carry some weight so we have to understand what they mean so first and foremost when he was talking about a uh that he's been diminished when he's talking to hem I've been diminished by all of the Merit all the things that you've given me you've given me more than enough I don't deserve it why do deserve it why does he think I don't deserve it teach us to teach the secret to success if you rely on hasem and you realize that everything is from hasem then you realize that in reality everything is a bonus everything you get is a bonus you don't deserve anything he doesn't owe you anything why he's the Creator he's the king you're the servant so first and foremost is telling usem everything you give me is already above and beyond now you've already promised me that I have descendants and I'll have this and I'll have that and I'll have all these wonderful things but maybe when you since since you promised me this stuff 20 years ago since then maybe I made a mistake maybe I made a sin somewhere along the line that maybe I don't deserve it anymore maybe I lost the Merit because the kindness is referring to what Hashem gives us without promising and the truth is what Hashem gives us after based on his promises you keep Shabbat hem will help you with par you have will help you with your you say will help you get you modest hasem will give you Purity in your home and so on and so forth a man that tells his wife no I don't want you to wear to cover your hair the says he's cursed in sh why told his wife don't cover a ha so there certain there's good and bad comes from sh that's the truth meaning hasem promised that you do good you get good you do bad you get bad but the kindness the is in essence above and beyond above and beyond so here Yu says shows us that even good people people that are also scared of being punished we're not just average people that violate the law that get punished y was scared like maybe I made a sin the last 20 years that I don't I haven't done Chua for and all the things you promised me that I was supposed to get maybe I don't deserve anymore and on top of it maybe I'll actually get a punishment for it m Feinstein Shalom says from here from this we actually learn the extent of what hasem means in which is in Leviticus chapter 26 verse3 and verse 15 when hasem says that you must live by the law meaning that you must keep his mitv if you keep his he says some amazing things this is the first verse in and then he gives you 14 different verses after that of blessings if you follow my decrees and observe my Commandments and perform them and he gives you a list of different rewards that a person can get but on the other hand mste says this the yob is referring to is also referring to the same verse number 16 the same chapter where it says on the other hand on the other hand if you consider my decrees loome you don't like them it's not for you it's not modern enough for you doesn't fit into your schedule if your being Rejects My ordinances no I don't have time for God it's not for me this stuff it's not for me this Shabbat it's not for me this special diet it's not for me modesty it's not for me to be different so as not to perform all of my Commandments not just some of them stop making exceptions no no I keep everything except this I keep everything except this if you don't structure your life in a way to allow yourself the ability to keep all of my commandments so that you will anull my commandment my Covenant meaning that you've pretty much decided I'm going to violate aem's law there's some people out there that they're not atheists they're not anti- God if you will but they decide this commandment it's not for me some people it's something as simple as the shaving machine shaving machine the use a shaving machine and uh they don't like the shaving machine so they want to use a razor why because they want to face like a baby and they want to to have its you know nice and be like a baby and uh they like the way it feels and the way they like the way it looks no problem what's the problem with that it's no problem to do it but what's the problem with it the Torah says you're not allowed to destroy the root of the hair on your face in there three different spots and every time you do it it's as if you've violated the Torah five different times the equivalent of you've eaten Pig five different times five different times some say six six different sins either way you're in trouble for one shave one shave not we're not talking about uh this is a one time in your life if you already decide to shave with a razor then a uh you know it's you made this in one time but that said you continue doing it no every time you shave it's a sin so now machines came out already almost hundred years ago there were machines there was some forms of machines obviously not Advanced like today but even there machines back then and someone that was in with Shalom had ACH and uh again looked at him there were students young kids he says I don't know what this machine that you have to shave I don't know if it's allowed you should ask the r just to go Rabbi if it's allowed why look how it Chang my face I'm comfortable so he decides to go to the rabbi and the Rabbi says no the machine that you're using is not Kosher use the machine that I said is kosher everyone else uses a different machine use the machine that I said as kosher and this was one of the I just don't want to mistake the name so I'm just not going to say the name it was one of the that said it to him and uh maybe but anyway he says to him machine that you're using is not Kosher this is already seven years ago machine he using is not Kosher use the machine that I say to people is koser that everybody else uses use that he says the machine that you recommended it burns my face burns my face the machine that I have it doesn't burn my face makes me feel better and the r says to him son listen you're right the machine that I recommend Burns you here the machine that you have is going to burn you up there you just have to decide where do you want to be burned where do you want you have to decide where do you want to be burned there burn will be in your face you're going to get a little little pimples over here or you go to Gom which one you want same price same price this is how this is how holy people speak this this is how they spoke for all the generations the stuff that people think oh you're harsh oh you're stringent oh you this I'm a puppy next to these people this is how they spoke because they understood what is so now yob is saying to your please make a deal with me do what does it mean why is he reminding him Feinstein says the means how stringent a person must be with his exercising of the of the mitv No leniencies No coolers no uh I don't feel like doing it why if someone according to Allah if someone shaves with a non kosher shaver if someone shaves with a non kosher razor it's not that he just made five sins it's not that he made just five sins according to the he cannot be counted as part of a minan why he just made five sins plenty of people make more than five sins plenty of people make more than five sins some people make s five sins just waking up the guy shaves they made five sins six sins okay why can't he be counted for minan why is this Judaism on suspension like aat just a saer why being so extreme no it's not me why because a shaver is something you do on a regular basis once you've decided to sin on a regular basis to go against against the rabbis on a regular basis to go against the Torah on a regular basis you are no longer considered part of you cannot be counted as part of aan your Judaism is on suspension stop sinning we love you again but if you're going to desecrate you're going to desecrate my father in Heaven's name every day just by your existence because you can't pick a kosher shaver because you can't be a kosher person I can't count you inan I can't say Aba look look who I brought look who I brought to the house oh the guy that curses me out every day the guy that has a billboard in the middle of the highway with my picture on it and with with makes a funny face on it this what you brought to besset this is who you brought for me that's what people need to understand someone that decides to violate the law here and there it's different he doesn't know he doesn't realize the magnitude it's different story says someone that makes mistake makes a mistake and turns on the electricity on Shabbat obviously it's not electricity in the days of the someone that makes a mistake makes a a mistake on Shabbat shog he has to bring Corban for that one sin made a mistake he didn't realize it was Shabbat forgot it was Shabbat thought it was Tuesday I he got drunk thought it was Tuesday M thought it was still Friday thought it was Sun you forgot M you know sometimes you wake up you're so tired you wake up you go to the bathroom you forget it's Shabbat you turn on the light why didn't happen to you everybody everybody never makes mistakes everybody knows Shabbat all the time I'm the only one so that's thing some guy woke up in the morning he forgot a they say he has to bring he has to bring bring a $25,000 cow everything's okay why you made a mistake if you did it on purpose it's death penalty but if it's mistake go now what if he knew what if he knew it Shabbat and he just he knew that there are certain things not allowed on Shabbat he knew Shabbat he knew there's certain things not allowed on Shabbat but he forgot the forgot forgot you're not allowed to turn on the light on Shabbat he forgot that you're supposed to make C uh tea a certain way on Shabbat you forgot you have to you forgot says he has to bring aan for every single sin he made meaning he made six sins he the one guy that forgot Shabbat might have made 25 different sins 100 sins a thousand sins he forgot Shabbat the whole day is a sin he realizes on Tuesday that it's not Saturday it's Tuesday so they say he has to bring one on Tuesday he he realized he forgot it Shabbat he has to bring onean but the guy that knew it Shabbat he just forgot the he has to bring aan done for every single sin why why is he being punished for knowing that Shabbat should be the same at least should be one Coan one Coan why does he have to bring so many this guy already had to mortgage half his house for $25,000 for the cow now this guy has to borrow money from his parents why because he made at least a thousand sins he us to borrow money for the rest of his life for the kot why the fact that you knew and you still violated the law means you have no for that is an extra punishment for that is an extra punishment being a person that knows that you're not allowed to shave a certain way and still doing it being a person that knows you have to be modest but you're still not doing it being a person that knows what the law is but you're still not doing it Hashem says is an extra punishment for you that's what means find says the extra stringency that a person needs to understand that how hasem how the the the depths of the de in sh is a person needs to understand that hasm is not joking around you have you've come to this world to exert yourself to follow the law it's hard it's difficult it seems impossible you going in the right direction so now is telling put your hand under my breit do with me why is what's what's the connection he says listen yourf my son you have all this power you're a viscero you got all this money when I came you were already rich now you're a zillionaire you had a couple hundred million dollars when I saw you now you're a multibillionaire cuz in the last few years since I've been here 17 years Egypt became even richer than what they were when they first got there there was a lot of that came you already good then now you're in an even higher position but I want you to remember what abah my grandfather said and what my father said is still true nonetheless we still hold by the breit we still hold by the breit we still follow the B why because God said it the the kindness and the truth is still coming from the same source so please don't bury it don't bury this kindness from Hashem don't bury this truth from Hashem in Egypt don't bury it in Egypt we still have to go to is someday don't become an Egyptian don't become an Egyptian just because you have some money don't become an American just because you like the lifestyle your goal is to do Aliyah at some point your goal is to pray for the mashiah to come not for him not to come your goal is to be a Jew even when you're surrounded by Egyptians or Greeks or Americans or whatever you want to call them don't bury it in Egypt so already we see he's begging him why because it's hard it's hard to to be a is kados when you're so successful it's hard to be is kados when everyone around you isn't it's hard we see that yov understands the significance of how difficult it is this test that's why he's begging him that's why he's begging him but that's also why hasem has gives us so much leeway to do Chua gives us so much leeway to try harder try harder as long as we don't make it a habit to sin against him as long as we don't just say you know what from now on I'm just not doing it I'll do everything else just not this I'll do everything else just not this so to play such a game with AEM is worse than playing with fire it's worse than playing fire it's just just a it's just dealing with it's like a crazy person if you understand the significance of hasem you understand what you're supposed to do in this world and you're still doing such a thing you're still saying you know what I know it's true but it's just not for me the fact that you can't do it is one thing you know you're wrong and eventually you're trying to get to it you know that you have to keep Shabbat but you're not there yet you know that you have to keep uh whatever it is but you're not there yet that's one thing but at least you're not saying it's okay you're not giving yourself a pad on the back that I'm doing enough already you know how many people tell me you know how how much stuff I do you know how many it's what I do every day you know how much I study you know how modest I am you know how much this you know how much I give usually it's you know how much give you know how much you know how much you know how much no I don't know but it doesn't really make a difference doesn't make a difference how much if you're still in this world you have a lot more to do if you didn't have a lot more to do then there's no point of you being here so that false sense of confidence that people have uh of where they stand is it's it's a crazy mentality but part of the reason for this type of mentality is unfortunately sometimes coming because of the teachings a lot of the teachings we talked about earlier a lot of the teachings that's in the world today is unfortunately the type of teaching where where you're in great school kindergarten High School uh Yesa public religious Rabbi parents in general this politically correct world that we live in teach people a common denominator which is everything is okay everything is okay just be positive and things will be positive this is a false sense of reality this is you're just fooling yourself you're you're you're literally living inside a fire but you saying no everything's okay nothing's okay you have to fix it that's why you're in this world to fix stuff so there was one time a uh Kil really much a heretic that was in the government of Israel plenty more of him now unfortunately but the point is that there was one time this guy that was in the government and every time there was a law they were trying to bring to their Congress for the sake of Torah to pass a law to help theim to pass a law to open a mik to pass a laot to open a new besset to pass a bill or whatever uh to do different things for Judaism for the sake of Judaism this heretic by default by default will go against it every single one mamash he hated Judaism so much it was unbearable for years one day Shalom sees him sees this person in a bet midash he sees him studying in a bet midash the story was told by his son one theor right now head of head Rabbi of Israel he sees him with his own eyes he sees him studying with the head Rabbi of the picha not like a uh just anybody he's sitting with ar pansi pansi and they're studing he didn't bother them but later on he called the r he says you're studying with this person why don't you tell him to stop going against the Torah he's learning Torah with you tell them to stop uh going against it we want to put mik in the neighborhood we want to put mid Yesa and so on and so forth tell him to stop going against the Torah talk to him the Rabbi says to the No No we don't talk uh politics when we learn we don't talk politics politics it's not politics it's Tor it's not politics it's what you it's not politics we don't talk politics he says let me ask you how long have you been studying with him K he says to him I've been studying with him for 20 years 20 years I've been studying with him says to him immediately immediately that the reflex he says you're not allowed to study with him anymore why because whatever you're teaching him whatever you're teaching him is not the Torah that he needs to learn because he's still a fail he's still a heretic what you're teaching him is something wrong it's not appropriate Torah for him he's using it as an intellectual Endeavor he's using it like it's a subject like history math architecture science he's not learning tah for the sake of Torah that God said it you're not teaching appropriately you must stop teaching him because your Torah is not affecting his n if Torah is not affecting his n after an extended period of time you must stop get him a different teacher if you like him if you like him so much get him a different teacher that hopefully can help him because you're not helping him and you're not helping yourself and this is why sometimes the most difficult the most difficult part of being a teacher is that sometimes you have to let students go sometimes you have to let students go in a different direction because you see that they come to the sh they stay in touch they ask questions da da da da but nothing changes nothing changes there's still the same person maybe here and there something minor changed in the beginning they started keeping something in the beginning but after that nothing changes this happened to me this happened to me unfortunately a few few times more than a few times I've had to build my student base maybe seven times already by now and uh just in the Tor World forgetting the business World business world was many more than that and the reason why is because in the beginning somebody comes and they want to learn and they're excited and they learn and they take something on because it makes sense to them logically to take whatever you stay on so if it's in a business World being ambitious they take it on waking up early they take it on looking appropriate they take it on but then you tell them listen you have to work till 8:00 every day you have to work till 8:00 from 8 o'clock in the morning till 8 o'clock at night oh what do you mean like every day every day or like once a month like five days a week or like uh once a year okay now you got a problem they tell the guy listen not only you got to work but you gotta really mean it don't just come here and hang out with your friends go out for 15 cigarettes a day work if you work if you don't want to work go home it's not school you don't have to attend it's not school you want to work work stupidest thing that people do in their careers is go to work and waste time you don't want to work go work there go somewhere else people look for jobs to do nothing oh it's a great place to work why if you do nothing all day great management by the way you know you're stealing right if you work for a company you do nothing all day you're stealing from them so if you're looking for a job just so you can get away with doing nothing all day you're just looking to be a thief go might as well go steal more money go to a bank you're going same Gil is going to have to happen anyway so I would tell people all the time and in the business world listen if you want to work work you have to be ambitious you have to make calls you have to do this you have to do this if you're already going to do it do it even more so in Torah if you're already going to be a Jew do it stop being half a Jew stop being like Oh I'm going to study but whenever I have time I'm going to study but you know like once a week to the I'm G to come to the and I'm going to do that that's my studying for the week A Tuesday nights Wednesday nights I study the rest of the week I'm a cow the rest of the week I don't know nothing I don't know right I don't know left I forget who God is you know I put the on though so that's the thing people have a tough time with that some sometimes it's not necessarily that sometimes you tell them listen keep Shabbat keep Shabbat keep no problem it's not even my wife's mitvah no problem okay keep this keep kosher yes I have a kosher restaurant right downstairs for my house then you start telling listen you know that you have to work on schlom you are not allowed to torture your wife just because she's unfortunately a victim and she has no place else to go cuz you're a husband she stuck with you for 25 years already she's not going to go look for a new boyfriend she's with you and she is tolerating you and you're trying to yell at her 24 hours a day because she's not this and she's not that and all of a sudden you're a mini mosenu and she's K what happened what how you make it 25 years and unfortunately there's a lot of that torture their wives yell at them scream at them destroy their confidence and many of these do it in the name of the Torah how do they do it they decide to wake up after I don't know 20 30 40 50 years and they did chuva already good they did chv that's a good thing they did chuva the wife is support of okay you want to do Chua I'll do Chua fine no problem what's Chua oh we're g to start keeping Shabbat okay so we're going start keeping Shabbat what Shabbat you don't work you don't work anyway okay so we're not going to work so what's the difference to us then we're not going to watch TV anymore okay so we don't watch TV big deal okay I'll be supportive we not going to watch TV what else do K what's K you got to make food you got to do a pray oh it's nice family dinner I'll do it no problem so now the wife doesn't have such a big problem doing it but then he continues to learn and learn and learn and he starts hearing things oh you have to not only keep Shabbat based on not using the electricity and you can't drive but you also have all these intricate details about M you also have all these intricate details of how to make tea and you has all these intricate details about how to run the rest of the week and when to do this and when to do that there's a lot of different details to the law there's the day-to-day stuff and every single time he sees her messing up because M she's new he tears into her as if she is like the worst person on earth oh I can't believe it you did hey relax she's a human just like you're a human why just because you know automatically means everyone else needs to know the fact that she doesn't know is your fault you were supposed to teach her the fact that she doesn't know it's your fault so a lot of people try to be rabbis with their own wives they come they take a uh you know they have no crowd so they pretend there a crowd but really it's just their wife it's a where she going to go Shabbat where she going to go so they forc her to listen to this worst part about it though the worst part about it is that many of the things they say is wrong so now they come to shim and they hear the rabbi they hear me they hear this oh you have to be modest you have to do this you have to do this fine no problem they come home to tell the wife you have to do this you have to do this you have to do this you have to be M you have to cover your hair you have to keep Shabbat you have to keep kosher you have to keep and they love telling her what to do but then one day one day I say dear husband you have to be generous hey hey hey Rabbi you're taking it too far now you're taking it too far now the wife is wearing the wife is the wife is a kosher this is she's doing good what are you saying I have to be generous now all I have to buy her a gift every week I have to buy her something why why I have to buy who said it where's it WR T where's it to buy a gift where's it it's actually by the way just you should knowes your obligation is to buy your wife a present something doesn't have to be a million dollars $5 $2 something why that's her day is her day you tell husband you have to be generous every Shabbat every Friday if you don't come to the house with f hour you're a why you don't know how to be a husband you should should have stayed in the cage with the dogs you tell husband you have to be generous with your wife stop getting her to a point where she has to ask you for money why she have to ask you for money was she homeless what does she have you for so now you told Mr Wonderful that you have to be generous you told Mr Wonderful you have to work on your midot forget okay she's doing whatever she's not perfect fine but now it's time for you to work all of a sudden you're K you're this you're all of a sudden two years they listen to everything you say all of a sudden no we don't want to listen to him I'm listen to another Rabbi I'm gonna start watching this one I'm gonna start watching that one I'm watch this all of a sudden they have multiple rabbis so at some point what you have to do you start realizing it's not necessarily always a war but you see that you're saying things but nothing changes why nothing changes because you see the same problems and the problems usually grow and sometimes the problems get even worse I have one guy he's not my student but unfortunately I'm trying to help him even though he's not my student I'm trying to help him why am I trying to help him because his his M wife is being beaten on a weekly basis this guy if he was my student if he was local honestly even if if I knew where he lived and it was local I'd probably beat him up myself but this guy thinks that his wife is a punching bagner and she goes to the rabbi thinking the rabbi's going to help where's the rabbi do Rabbi tells the husband yeah your your your wife is complaining about you what does he do he comes home he beats her up again so people like this people like this it's like m it's it's it's purely like it's like hell in this earth to live with such a person so sometimes you have people like that when you tell them the truth they don't want to hear it and you tell them again and they don't want to hear it you tell them again they don't want to hear it it's not always extreme cases obviously sometimes it could be simply telling the guy to put on he doesn't want to hear it tell the guy to keep shabat doesn't want to hear it tell the guy to startop working on his mid doesn't want to hear it tell the guy to learn more than one twice a week doesn't want to hear he's just not doing it if he's not doing it once twice three times three months four months five months fine but if you've already been teaching him for a while and he's not changing you must retire you must retire you must tell him listen I like you you're a good guy this but I believe I can't help you no no you're a nice guy I'm a nice guy you're a nice guy everybody's a nice guy that's not going to get you in ganeden what's going to get you in ganeden is somebody that convince you to do the things that I'm telling you to do because everything I'm telling you to do is in the Torah apparently you don't believe me so you have to find somebody else you believe you have to retire you have to take a step back because if your Torah is not affecting people you can't teach unfortunately that's bad for business it's bad for business and that's the reason why most people don't do it most rabbis don't do it there's one heretic Rabbi in boaron that uh has been teaching his crew for 15 years 15 years has a crew of Israelis he's been teaching for 15 years not one of them not a single one of them keep Shabbat not a single one of them 15 years they go to sh every week 15 years to go to sh not a single one keep Shabbat why how do I know this I went there and give a I didn't know this obviously was invited to give a and I give a and some of the people that come to his class A few only showed up and they started looking at me funny when I told him you're not allow to drive on Shabbat what do you mean Shabbat I learn with my Rabbi 15 years already he never said a thing I talk to the rabbi no no I have a leniency from above this and what leniency what leniency what are you talking about there's no leniency to drive on Shabbat unless you're dying or somebody else is dying you're trying to save their life you must retire but if I retire they're not going to give mea anymore if I retire they're not going to give me the the money that's paying the bills for the school for the kids for the house for the mortgage for the business for the this for the that so there's not that many people that are willing to to do what's necessary to do the vit they um there was a big Cel Zionist that uh was one of the founders of modern Israel if you will one of the government members and he uh said a public statement one time he said we tried to build a country full of Kim full of people that are anti T full of socialist mentality zionis mentality but instead we build a country full of full of ignorant people that's all we got unfortunately we have certain parts of am is that's so ignorant of the truth that you can't believe we're at this level elb is one of the Giants in the kiru world he he just told a story just the this past Shabbat and uh he says you know this in Shabbat you're not allowed to cry even if something is said even if your husband is one of these amim that I just talked about you're not allow to cry on Shabbat you have to do whatever you can to avoid crying on Shabbat but he says this past Shabbat I couldn't stop crying Shabbat I got to finally got to M Shabbat I almost cried on Shabbat M Shabbat I started crying couldn't stop crying why why you crying normally a very happy person you see his pictures on the internet video is a very very Happ very happy person KES you crying he said I had two guests on Shabbat two IDF people two commanders sergeants whatever it was I invited him for Shabbat and one of them tells me that he came from a kibuts he grew up in a kibuts and uh this kibuts was so thin Israel so clueless of Judaism that none of the laws none of the Torah they ever heard of the only thing they heard of was that there was such a thing as a special day yum they didn't know why it was special they just knew there's no cars on the road they just knew that people don't usually work it's a special day they didn't know why so what do they decide to do okay let's celebrate this is this this is the Army Commander saying the story of how he grew up he says so what do we do in this kibuts with all of these people say it's a special day okay so let's make a barbecue with what pig let's make a barbecue of a nice big juicy Pig for the h k boots this is how we celebrate y k this is what we did for years one day one day some Rabbi is invited because somebody died and a rabbi is invited to the k booots no one knows this Rabbi but somebody invited him to come speak at the AL the funeral and so on this Rabbi starts talking about some scary stuff he starts telling us that if we sin against theem we're going have to pay the bill he starts telling us there is's a life after this life that this is not it this is just the stop sign this is just a bus stop this this is just a short little Corridor it's nothing there's something extraordinary after this life and I thought to myself oh my this is not it what am I going to do I ran him after the lecture I'm like what do I do do you know what you know what you are you know where you're at you're saying this Torah this sins this this the only mitvah we do is we eat pig on yum sh was Rabbi says to him you must open a a bet mid some place for people to pray and learn mid to learn in a they're anti T they're gon to kill me because you have to do whatever you can to open it I'll get you get some uh Yesa guys to come pray here so at least you have a min that's what he did he got some money together from himself his own money and he built a little small place to pray little room was protests they hated it they threw stuff at it they tried to stop it but he kept going and he kept going how many people showed up to the first yumol to pray him and to other people the rest of it was the Yeshiva guys the rest of the week there was just Yeshiva guys and him the next year he says to the r Elbas it was me and four guys on growth he says in this past jum Kip this past jum Kip after many years of doing this with 70 people oh with 70 people so Elbas says I wasn't crying because of the success that 70 people are going to there's a lot more to do than that I'm crying about the rabbi I'm crying about the rabbi that had he not come to this kibuts nothing would have ever changed had he come to this kibuts had he come to this kibuts and instead of telling them the truth about Life After Life about that there's a punishment in sham truth of what the Torah says and he would have just told him listen let me tell you about the mitvah of how to really feel bad for someone that died let me tell you the mitvah of let me tell you mitvah of kanuka in a couple of months it's coming up you're going to light some candles let me tell you theah of on if you would have chosen one of those that's not relevant to him these people that thought that it's aah Pig on would have never changed how much is the onus on us to tell the truth how much is the onus and the responsibility on us to go travel to different places and get to know if you're not telling people the truth don't say anything it bet it's better off it's better off you don't say anything go retire go to Bahamas go somewhere else it's better off you don't say anything that's the thing that people fail to M fail to understand it's a uh the the part the truth part I know it's tough trust me I deal with it every day I don't know if there's many people that have more people that enjoy hating them as much as people hate me but the reality is it's not me if you could prove what I say wrong fine you've proven the Torah wrong no one's ever done it you'll be the first but the reality is is that if it's not wrong then you have to ask yourself a question why am I not doing it now one of the reasons why a lot of people are not doing it is because instead of focusing on the beginning of this week's par where Yu tells do me do me remember that we're still connected to AB and remember that we're still connected to hem remember that we're not supposed to stay in Egypt instead everyone is excited about when yobu tells his sons let me tell you what's going to happen at the end of days in chapter 49 verse one it says ainu called his sons and he said assemble yourselves and I will tell you what will befall you at the end of days and the explained that Yu was very excited to tell his sons the end of days when the Messiah is going to come what's going to happen because he knew it but then you see the very next verse he starts blessing them you're my first born you're my strength you're my initial Vigor which theim say meaning the first seed that lever left Yu's body went into making oen that's why he says you're my strength and my initial Vigor initial Vigor meaning you're the first seed that came out of my body at what age 87 years old 87 years he kept his breit not a single seed ever left his body for 87 years first child first time it left see everyone we see this okay this is good nice K very nice thank you very much but it's not in the days then we see the other brothers leev Shimon yud and so on where's the end of days it's one verse where's the end of days yov old what happened Hashem took it away hasem said I don't want you to tell them about the end of days I don't want you to tell when the mhia is going to come I know it gets people look it says yob called for his sons assemble yourselves and I will tell you about will before you the end of the day gather yourselves and listen meaning we're already getting an Insight you want to get a lot of people to show up tell them you're going to talk about the end of days if I say oh yeah we're GNA have a lecture about the end of days 100 people show up talk about the end of the day talk about mashia says I'll talk about mashia to you guys no come they come but then he starts blessing them why what kind of blessings are these he starts seeing With the blessings that he said he says you're my initial Vigor but you're impetuous you don't know how to control yourselves that's why you're not the first born anymore that's why he gave it to Y tells who he rebukes him instead of giving him the blessing your that why you desecrated my name you uh you sat in my in my bed and so on and so forth shim Le you guys can't control your anger you uh went and killed a bunch of people a cursed is your r I don't I love you but your rage is cursed you have to control yourselves and he rebukes each one of them what kind of blessings of these tell the end of days but instead he gives them on the head what happened what happened here what happened here is that is telling us yes it's very nice to talk about the mystical parts of the Tora there's angels and there's this and there's winds and there's uh different ropes that you're connected and there's different that you can do to get p and there's different things you can do to get health and there's different things you can do to all that is wonderful after you have it's very nice to talk about mashiach but mashiah may happen to tomorrow may happen next week may happen next year may happen next Century who knows Hashem wants you to live today how you going to be a Jew today today how you going to be a Jew today how you going to follow the law today how you going to fix yourself today why because your own personal mashia can show up regardless it's called death and people just fail to understand what mashiah really means yes mhia is eventually going to come he's going salvation and so on and so forth but in reality before that happens going to be a lot of craziness if we are not ready because we fixed ourselves because we've worked on our midot we've worked on our character traits we've worked on our MIT we've learned T we've completed big big different big steps and getting closer to hem we should pray for the mhia not to come it's not going to help us us he's not going to help us there's going to be a line of people who going to burn we'll be on it if we're not fixing ourselves and that's that's what we're trying to learn here yes it's nice to talk about the mystical things the schoot and the calot and all these different things it's all very very nice but we need to learn how to survive and that's what we started off the year with and we'll talk just a few moments about it then you guys can ask some questions if you'd like but you know with me few moments is at least another half hour so the unintended it's just that that that time passes uh so the tough part for people is surviving the dayto day surviving a dayto day and realizing that hasm cares about everything including you he cares about your mitv he cares about your difficulties he cares about all the different things that you're trying to do all the different things that you want to do and so on and so forth and having confidence in hasem that is very different than emuna emuna in so many words you people throw it out you know throw it Loosely as faith in some many words means that you understand consciously and subconsciously that Hashem runs the world in so many words obviously there's different parts of am but in so many words it means that you understand that hasem runs the world be on the other hand confidence in hasem means that you specifically have confidence that hem will run the world appropriately when it's relevant to you he's going to do something good for you regardless of what happens regardless of whether you understand or not hasm always runs the world perfectly and precisely but nonetheless believing that hasem runs the world and having faith that things will work out is great that's but means that you believe that it's going to be relevant specifically to you now yobu had all of the in the world and all of the in the world when it came to his personal relationship with hasem this is why he did what he did he left asav he left the the the house of his parents he went to the of he went to the house of Lavan he worked there but say that some of the years that he was supposed to live because he lived less years than his father and his grandfather were taken away from him why were taking away from him cuz he complained he complained about how hard it was he complained to par that it was hard he complained in general that it was hard to live his life if he complained what about us I don't know if we do anything other than complain sometimes I think that you guys are doing me a favor coming to the sh because I get to complain to you but the reality of it is that isov and we're not but nonetheless if someone has someone has confidence in hasem they have everything they have literally everything the uh in Psalms it actually completes this the I first told you is that is telling my son please do some kindness with me do something that's truthful with me stick to the truth stick to the Torah don't bury me don't bury my Torah in Egypt because this is already back to the deal that I had with in previous when I left the house of my father running away from the war with asav but is it also another place there's another place in the Tor that you also see there's many places but there's another place that I saw that you see the word but you also see the word in the Book of Psalms chapter 32 verse 11 it says many of the agonies of the wicked of the RAS but as for one who trusts in hasem kindness surrounds him literally it means someone that's wicked will have problems in his life but someone that has confidence in hem will be rewarded there's going to be constant kindness around him the from sh will follow his his confidence he has confidence in hem as a result of having confidence in Hem Hem will return the reward for it is HEM will give him kindness but the V Shalom gives an amazing he says something extraordinary he says something that if each and every single one of us really took this into account on an active basis not just you heard it in a and you forgot it 5 seconds later not if you heard it in a and you applied it for one or two days you literally applied it on a day-to-day basis if you could apply this you will always have confidence for the rest of your life if you don't you have to find a different pattern that's a little easier because this is as easy as it gets the says the following he says someone someone that's wicked someone that goes against theem someone that goes robs Banks someone that goes and steals someone that doesn't want to work for his money Wicked but he has confidence that hasem will help him has confidence why you going to help you doesn't make a difference why his confidence that hm will help himem will help him just because of the confidence even though he's a even though he's a rash hasem will help him why that confidence is so valuable in sh you trusted that I'm going to help you to rob a bank okay I'll Rob I'll help you rob the bank wherever a person wants to go hasem helps him get to that direction but nonetheless how if someone wants to be righteous will help him get to become righteous if someone wants to be Wicked hasem help him go to be Wicked but this means something more significant for anyone that's trying to be righteous thank you SC trying to be righteous what does it mean each one of us why don't we have any why ises any normal person not have confidence in AEM any normal person I'm talking about someone that believes in God someone that's trying to do Chua someone that's trying to why don't you have confidence where you literally walk around like my father owns the world what am I worried about what am I worried about my father owns the world money says everything is mine the money the Gold Everything is mine so that's our father what I wor about money for Z my father created already created it I just don't know who it is when how but I know it's there what is HEM doing since creation since he created the world says so that's his job I'm going to question my Father in Heaven what he does for a living ah but maybe not doing so so good I don't have my Z yet what does it mean here someone that's trying to do the right thing trying to do chva on a daily basis why don't they have confidence in Hashem why do they constantly question Hashem they can't find a z they don't have enough money they have problems in this and they have problem in that why because they have that hasem runs the world they just don't think he cares about them why I'm not righteous enough I'm notu I'm notu I'm not I'm not somebody in the Tora that hasem helped if you look at the book of Samuel and you see the story of King David and Goliath the story is unbelievable if you actually saw the story today played out it's mamash unbelievable you have this little David that his own father was a sadik do didn't think it was his son didn't think it was really his son didn't treat him like he was one of his sons didn't abuse him but didn't treat him like he was one of his sons he was younger than his other brothers his brothers were at War they were fighting as part of the army of sha the first official king of am is was also sadik made some mistakes had come into his mind nonsense come into his mind made some mistakes but nonetheless the says if the roles were reversed hasem would have let sha beat David meaning if King David was the first king he would have let sha kill him so anyone that thinks that sha was a sinner and anything bad doesn't have an idea of how much of a sadik sh was nonetheless they have a war with the Philistines Philistines say listen we have all these people you have all these people let's stop messing around you give us get your best soldier we'll get you our best soldier instead of killing everybody instead of killing everybody the two guys fight it out whoever wins the uh opposing Army that lost becom slaves how do you know he's going to win they go fight and the winner has to take the head of the loser and show it to opposing Army now sha made a mistake he agreed why he didn't know they had Goliath he didn't know they had Goliath what you you think anyone normal thinks you can have somebody that's a giant the size of a dinosaur as part of an army the says his mom was the most T person that ever lived they don't even know who his father was because she literally our name the way they came up with our name was simply because of how many men she was with at the time to just conceive him disgusting human being so you don't think anything good will come out of it you don't think anything bad you don't think nothing you don't think like this he says sure we have some great soldiers we have de's Brothers the all powerful people we have other soldiers gim somebody could beat one of these Philistines no problem save time save money all of a sudden this jahash comes out Goliath size of a mountain no one wants to fight him it's a waste of time it's like you coming out going to the tank okay me and you the guy inside the tank is like what get out of the way sir get out of the way I have a war to fight no no me and you let's go now oneon-one sir I'm not getting I'm not leaving the tank he go no don't leave the tank me against you and the tank do you even have anything yeah I have a rock I have a rock me and The Rock Against you in a tank doesn't make sense no one wants to fight this guy's a tank and thear also says he had a shield his entire body was a shield only thing you could see his eyes his sword was literally the size of a bigger than a person cuz he's huge but he has armor body armor like you have a a mountain that's a tank that's moving how you GNA fight this not even if it wasn't for the shield even if it wasn't for the body armor you still can't beat the guy now with this what you wasting your time on top of it tied his uh his uh sword to his hand in a special knot that you could hit the sword with a mountain and it won't leave his arm the only way to get it off is if you cut off his arm or you untie it but you have to know how to untie it was a very special tie very special KN so I mean you have this tank no one wants to waste their time on I don't want to die no one wants to commit suicide on top of it no one wants to be known forever as the guy that lost the war for is forget about committing suicide no one wants to be the one Hey listen I'm is became slaves to the Philistines because this idiot went to war with Goliath the mountain so now you see that um isai in English I think it's Jessie isai sends his son David that was a little he used to be with the Sheep says go bring some food to your uh Brothers they're in a camp over there fighting go bring some food for them yeah Little David goes as he's in the woods it's time for prayer time for prayer and his Goliath was not a typical just a big guy he also was a hater of God so every time it was time for am to pray he would Curse God he would Curse God and he would even say look even God doesn't want to fight me so now David never heard of this giant never saw this giant but all he hears he hear somebody cursing God cursing hasem he can't take it he looks through the woods he sees this jahash person this giant person he runs to the camp he goes okay I want to fight him everybody starts laughing at this little boy what do you mean you want to fight him imagine this little tiny tiny little thing young kid it's not like a giant body armor uh big Warrior has gone to war nothing okay they don't know the story of how he beat a lion and a and a bear at the same time they don't know any of that stuff he just looks like a typical little young kid I want to fight him the Warriors that were able to kill hundreds of men's by themselves and not willing to fight them but now it's time somebody has to fight them because they made the agreement so sh says okay somebody has to fight him we made the agreement already so you want to fight him okay at least wear some armor they put the armor Sha's armor on David sha was huge sha was very very big and miraculously his armor after they put it on David shrunk to be fitted on David everyone was amazed they thought it was like some magical thing David noticed this everyone's looking at this Shield too much they're looking at this uh armor too much how it happened says took it off it was no no no I just want to go with nothing what do you mean you want a sword you want a something no no no I just have a couple of rocks it's a tank it's a mountain what do you mean a couple of rocks thank you very much he starts going into the field and he doesn't just go into the field he goes into the field and he calls him out hey Goliath I'm coming for you huh what what are you doing who are you will you bring me lunch who are you I'm coming for you I'm going to kill you I'm gonna cut you up into little pieces you he starts getting who is this little mouse his sword is bigger than him the sword Goliath's sword is bigger than David and not only is he coming at him he says I'm going to cut you up he tells him I'm going to chop off your head and I'm going to show it to everyone Goliath gets so angry starts charging him and David starts charging him what are you charging him with couple of rocks and a little M how do you call it a um sling it no tanks no uh you know special powers nothing he says to him you may come with your sword and your shield and this but I come bash I come with the name of God and I'm going to cut you up I'm going to destroy you and he takes it and one little tiny little rock shoots it and it goes a rock goes and defies nature and goes through metal right through his brain now how did this happen explained that he made a deal DAV knew the knew the name of hem and he called one of the Angels he called the Angel that's responsible for metal every every element has an angel he called the Angel that's responsible for metal and he said angel I have a war to fight in the name of God I need you help okay what's what's what should I do well the king of Israel sha said that we have to fight this war no one's going to fight after fight in the name of Hashem because this person is is desecrating hashem's name he's cursing and so on and so forth after fight okay fine I need you to allow my rock to go through your medal I need you to allow my rock to go through your medal yeah but this goes against nature why should I change nature for you he says because if I do if you do it and The Rock kills him then I will be able to marry Sha's daughter I'll get up to the kinghood I'll be important maybe one day go up the ladder I can change the law and I promise you that as soon as I'm able to change the law I will change the Torah law which gets people that to get Brit in those days they would cut the Brit with metal I'm sorry with with rock cuz it's sharper and those days they would do breit Mila with a rock knife but if you do a deal with me I'll make a new law that you have to do Brit Mila with metal so you're a part of every single mitvah deal and that's exactly what happened so when The Rock flew the it didn't go through the metal as far as piercing the metal the metal just opened why why did all of this happen why why did David have the audacity the nerve Thea to charge someone that's 100 times his size because he's going in the name of God and he understood this verse that we're actually reading over here much better than we do understood listen we may not be DAV we may not be even the Sho string of David but you don't have to be all you have to do is trust in AEM all you have to do is have have the actual tools that hasem gave yobu who got it from who got it from Abu have those tools have those tools hold on to them that will enable you to have this trust in hm this in hem and if you trust in hem regardless of whether you are you'll get rewarded for it why because even gets it even gets rewarded just for having this even if someone that's wicked even someone that's wicked gets rewarded so needless to say someone that's trying to do chuva someone that's trying to do chuva should be able to obviously get a lot more than someone that's not trying to do so that's what you can connect to this par that's what you connect to your dayto day if you're teaching yourself if you're teaching your family if you're teaching students the parasha is nice every parasha is nice every parasha is nice every Paras is unbelievable greatest things in the world is Torah you have now finished seph Amazing Story over 2,000 years of history have abob you have Noah you have you have you have amazing amazing things even the stories about are interesting it's all interesting but the reality is what we learned from El what we learn learned from we learned from we learned from what we learned from is that you have to take the story and try to figure out a way how to improve yourself how to apply it to your life why because anyone that uses or says that the Torah is a history book has given up his right to live he has no right to live you're not supposed to read these stories oh Abraham gave blessings to his sons wow so nice such a good father such a good grandpa maybe G you gave him a nice inheritance they're probably financially set no my friend you have to take something from this Torah and apply to your life today today not yesterday today now and not just apply to everyone else's life to your life not just to your wife's life not just to your kids life not just to your friends's life to your life you have to take something from the par you have to take something from the Tor and apply to your life now why that's that's that is the definition why you have to toil and toil in the Torah like Shalom you said if the to the Tor to get to a point where you say ah I found the was applicable to me I found something I could apply to when now not down the road once I'm rich once some this once some that now in the past I can't do anything about it I can't do this not on their life his life and their no you today that's the point of learning TOA if you're not finding something it's either because you're not looking or you're not studying it's the only reason so the key is to understand that Torah is an instruction book it's an instruction book if you listen to it even if you're not the greatest but at least you're trying you'll have kindness surrounding youm will bless you you may you may not be perfect but it'll still bless you why because you're trying you're trying to be an AIT you're trying to to do good you're trying at least seriously trying not fake trying he knows what's in your heart but if you're you're not then you just have the first part of the verse what's the first part of the verse the wicked have a horrible life what does it mean about life means eternity not just this world so Shalom for us to have such a life Shalom for us to have such an eternity it's full of problems it's full of pain it's full of Agony why doing what's good is good for us anyway meaning it's easy meaning it's gives you good life anyway why not do it why not do it what's the excuse not to do it what you've been trying to do until now doesn't work anyway show me one person that's not an is in the Tor that's actually happy one not two one show me one show me one person it's a is that's a man of Truth not in Torah in his own truth that's actually happy that can actually admit I'm happy or I'm not happy doesn't exist only people that are happy are people that GRE to hem only people but not glued to hem where they say I love you hm I love you hm but they keep violating him they keep going against him love youm by doing his will loving hasem by doing what he says in the Torah not in any other book because there is no other book it's all man-made so that's what people need to understand now um you had some questions that I don't I don't think I answered the well in regards to the life of an the life of an we all know that today to survive just financially is not easy rent mortgage electric water phone gas groceries whatever clothes doctors insurances a million and a half different insurances bills are high it's hard so someone asked how can we fulfill the will of hem and let's say as wives send our husbands which in today's world make a good living if they have a profession and instead send them to send them to go learn Torah how are we going to survive how we going to eat how we going to you know how so first and foremost you should know that being an being someone that learns T is not NE necessarily for everyone it's not for everyone you have to be at a certain level uh of to be an and also you have to have a certain amount of a uh desire to be a so it's not necessarily for everyone sometimes I have people that are and uh you know they wanna you know they're so excited about toah after a short period of time three four five six months and all all of a sudden they want to leave the their business they want to leave their friends they want to leave everything and they want to go become this is not the right move 99 out of 100 times and in my opinion 100 out of 100 times and the reason why is because to be someone that learns every day it's not just about opening a book and enjoying yourself there's a lot of Life tests that go around it so first and foremost to stay on topic because we've talked about this before life of an is not for everyone doesn't mean you shouldn't do it if you can it just it's not for everyone I'm not saying by default every single person needs to be an that learns to from Day to you know day and night but if you are the way that people do it is that sometimes the wife works and she makes arrangements for someone to watch the kids family friend or perhaps if she has a good enough job the job pays for babysitting for the kid because you know you don't have five kids in one day usually it's one at a time so the point is is that you know in the beginning it's a little easier the babysitting and then as the kids get older the older kids can watch the younger kids long story short is that plenty of people do it even without Torah plenty of women have careers with kids you know and they have somebody watching them now does that is that ideal not necessarily unless you have somebody you could rely on you don't want to just throw your kids to the zoo and say good luck you have to have somebody reliable so that makes it a little more difficult but nonetheless this is where comes in this is where comes in first and foremost if what you're doing is for the sake of Torah you're sending your husband to go learn Torah you're sending your kids to go learn tah of course hm is going to help you now help you doesn't mean that you're going to live in a villa that's a uh 3,000 or 4,000 square foot on top of a mountain you have three cars in a garage that's not what I mean by help by help mean you'll survive how it's aem's business there's plenty of that survive in different unusual miraculous ways that I know and they've been doing it for years like I tell you all the time all the that we try to help they don't make much they make 500 bucks a month but it doesn't it's not like they live in a uh in one of these third world countries where $500 is a lot of money $500 over there is no different than $500 here their rent is $2,000 a month their groceries are $1,000 a month their bills are also a few thousand a month when they have four five six kids no so the $500 a month is you know it's going to help you survive for a few days it's not enough how do they survive some of them have family that use their M to give them uh so some some people have family help them that's one option two some have a situation where the the wife works and she makes just enough to help the family survive but again just enough that means that they're surviving well not no one very few are prospering and you know unless they have Rich families so they're just surviving they live Basics um in other cases they uh it's part-time parttime of learning part-time work it's not full-time or do projects or do deals and things like that um sometimes there's donators we try to send money to every single month it's part of what does we send money every month some more some less but nonetheless we do it every month because that's part of what we do so the point is is that having having confidence in hem is the only way you can survive that life it's the only way because even if you like Torah even if you believe in Torah even if everything is wonderful but you don't have confidence in hasem you won't survive why because you're going to ask yourself all the time how am I going to survive $2,000 a month in bills with 500 bucks I'm already starting the month negative 1500 okay so let's say you have a few dollars saved up eventually that well runs dry okay let's say you have an arrangement with your parents okay but eventually maybe that's not going to work how that's what you have to say God you said right you said everything is yours okay pay the bills that's confidence in hasm and everyone has a different level of confidence how do you get confidence in hem only way to get it there's only one way to get it it's a combination of learning about him learning T and going through difficulties going through tests overcoming tests overcoming obstacles putting yourself on the line but for the sake of Hashem not for the sake of your Mercedes Benz don't say oh you know hasem is going to give me Mercedes Benz you know as my first test instead of a BMW so I'll give you a story and maybe you'll understand what confidence in Hashem is the is a very famous well-known story um about a debate a debate that happened in the of R was one of the heads of the M movement was KES kashim was a person that literally paid attention to every single breath coming out of his body literally like every step every single thing one time he was late for a uh for for for for so somebody after what happened like he want to take an opportunity to rebuke the rebuke her oh thank you for reminding me I just uh had to fix somebody's roof excuse me you s fixing somebody's roof at 6:00 in the morning CU yeah I noticed when I left the house that one of the shingles was flapping was flapping making noise and it was really early so I was probably it was going to wake up it was going to wake up the people and their kids their little kids so I figured i' climb it and fix it they pay you they ask you nothing why I saw a need I did it that's that's someone that works on himself to perfect himself as a human being that's a person that learned Torah at the highest possible level but one day there was a debate between him and his students were also all Angels his students themselves were Angels you can't be theor student if you're a uh elephant you have to be also yourself they're debating what's the debate what's bet what's confidence in hasem is confidence in hasem just surviving I have confidence that hem will just pay me enough to I'm GNA eat I'm not gonna die what's the example that's what the student said the student said look yobu he said God give me food to eat and clothing to wear yobu so he's not asking for a giant house he's not asking for a Bentley he's not asking for a private plane he's not asking for he says give me food to eat and give me clothing to wear that's said be my God so from yob they say look that's a that's a proof that hasem is just going to help you survive said you're wrong you are 100% wrong you're 100% wrong you're confident will determine how much hem will help you in last week's made a critical mistake for a moment for a moment he forgot about the deal what's the deal confidence theem you got arrested your brother sold you you got a job you got fired for the wrong reason you got arrested you went to jail for 10 years but all time you never complained a moment never complained a the second nothing after 10 years you tell this Egyptian hey Egyptian do me a favor listen I helped you out I translated your dream tell about me tell about me and then he realized he made a mistake you may realize that's why it says that the Egyptian forgot twice what do you mean forgot twice that that YF prayed for him to forget he prayed for him to forget oh I I I relied on a person I relied on a person shalom instead of God got punished for two more years in a jail so says your confidence in hasem is going to determine how much he's going to help you if you're the V says you trust in even if you're even if you're Wicked but you trust in hem it'll help you even if you're Ras which means which means if you are not rash if you trust AEM a lot he'll give you a lot but you really trust him and this is the debate know he's going to trust you to survive he's going to give you to survive trust them to have to survive no he's going to give you whatever you want that's was a debate this happens you are proof I'll show you proof I have 100% inem that he will give me a gold watch in those days almost 200 years ago that was like the prized possession for anyone that liked material there's no Bentley and planes and this and that price possession for someone that's me someone that's respectable was a golden watch say for the you don't have a plastic watch what golden watch we going to get a golden watch as he says as says I'm gonna I have confidence I have 100% that hasm is going to give me a golden watch soldiers show up to the door Russian soldiers show up to the door and said who is the head of the Yesa here who is the biggest here everyone's scared to death why maybe there it's War maybe they're going to take somebody but what they're going to lie to them so it's he's the head oh good they take some the soldiers come they take something he go sir here you go Rabbi what is it a gold watch everyone is in shock he finished the sentence and the watch appeared where did this come from from what it's like man came from sham where did it come from well we had a soldier that was a Russian Jew and he died before he died he uh told me that he wants to give this watch to a uh someone that's Jewish that learns a lot of what you guys call Torah and he told me there's uh there's a there's a school here or Yesa here so I came here so I'm just fulfilling the wish of the dead he was uh my you know Soldier right next to me he believed he got what do you believe believe you're going to make it to the bathroom that's what you're going to get you believe you're going to get a burger that's what you're GNA get you believe you're going to get a fine living that's what you're going to get what do you believe what do you believe you believe so all of the that people tell you no if you think positive you'll be positive if you think good it'll be good it's good intentions it's good intentions and it has some similarities to everything we just said but it's based on a rotten Foundation what's the Rotten Foundation the r Foundation is they think if you think good it'll be good if you think about some emodest girl the emodest girl is going to show up at your house if you think about material wealth the material wealth is going to surround you you could do a lot of things things that are against Hashem if you think with your own logic whatever your own logic decides is good you'll get good wrong wrong if you think if you think the righteousness of Hashem the kindness of Hashem Hashem runs the world and he's going to help me fulfill his will that you will get that you will get as much of it as you want as much as if you want you want you're going to get but if you think about rotten thoughts you get nothing all you're going to get is diseases you get headaches you're not going to get anything good so that's the difference so anyone that wants to learn Torah for a living needs to have some anyone that wants to be a wife of someone who learns T needs to have now you can't go from zero to 101 day you grow over time but I can tell you from my my own personal life life if I didn't see it I wouldn't believe it we don't charge we don't ask people give they give they don't give they don't give whatever it is but we're not missing anything I'm still still growing kids are good wife is good everything is good how pays the bills it doesn't make any sense why CU I see my life I see other people's life that work 9 00 hours a day it doesn't make any sense that's the way hem runs the world that's the way hem runs the world is it easy absolutely not absolutely not it's constant tests you have to have a test if you're not test you probably have to check your post you're probably not here anymore if there's no test if everything is perfect everything is easy you're probably not alive anymore probably G but the reality is is it this test constantly but that's how you build that's how you build but I can tell you it's unbelievable because we live when you have just a little bit of whatever we do have when you live with it you don't look for prices you don't look for it doesn't make a difference because whatever you need you have it's not whatever you want whatever you want you may be one of these people that wants a new plane every week that's not uh that's not that's that's psychopath that's a person that's not connected to so the important thing is to understand that you should be happy with whatever you have and to use whatever you have for the sake of hem not for the sake of just new hobes and that's it that's that's the critical part um so for anyone that's looking to live a life of Torah whether it's because you want to do kiru or you want to learn or you want to do combination or whatever it is that you want to do it's 100% possible in America in Israel anywhere you have to so the transition is hard to go from you know nothing to something is is you can't just do it overnight if do a little bit so in the beginning I would recommend to or at least that's the way I did it is I first started with working and learning at the same time first balance the two you can't just go from uh you know working all the time to learning all the time and thinking that it's going to be okay and you're going to survive you're not going to survive either because it's both a mental battle and a spiritual battle and a battle and it's a million and a half battles at once you're taking too much so you do a balance you work regular job 9 to 5 whatever your job is but you make sure that Torah is a priority in your life and you put a couple hours in the morning a couple hours at night you already get into your schedule that you're learning every day a good amount of time once you've gotten acclimated to that then you could start and you want more still you want more Tor still then you can start perhaps going down with the amount of work work a little less study a little more but you're still working and eventually you can make the leap of faith where if you believe and you understand and you have the confidence uh then you go to full-time uh learning that's if you already have family expenses and so on if you're single it's a little easier if you're single it's a lot easier because really the only responsibility you have is you and pretty much you probably live with your parents uh or it's you're cheap enough to survive that I'm sure you can get the money one way or another even as an for $1,000 a month so so the point is that you need to talk with your Rabbi before you make any of these moves just being irrational and just jumping into it head first without knowing who what when and why thinking you're a mini masu is not going to work out really well a lot of people make this mistake and unfortunately if you don't have the right director you know have someone directing you in the right direction you could not only end up stop learning but you end up become a uh completely secular because it's very easy to lose your if it doesn't work out so that's why I see a lot of religious guys that are very bitter very bitter where they tried becoming an and for a little while and it didn't work out financially they just had too much pressure and they went back into the business world and uh they just became very very bitter so sometimes when I mention things like this in shim they mention it they they they send me hate mail instead of being focused on the rest of the sh instead of being focused on everything else he me hate mail all that's not true you can't live like that you have to work you have to this I said you have to work other people may be able to study who knows but the point is is that you can't just be irrational that part they're right but the same token thinking that it's not possible is also wrong so you have to have the right right direction um the same applies to everything else applies to everything else applies also to help your family do chuva which you asked me before um you know what should you do in order to help your family do chuva you know whether it's to help them convert or to help them uh you know become uh religious Jews regardless it's all the same um should you pray or uh should you focus on uh getting stronger yourself the P says that your life comes first your life comes first meaning you have to get stronger first before you try to lead others lead yourself and the reason why is because more than your words can ever do your actions will speak louder more than your words can ever do your actions will speak louder and the reason why is because especially when it's referring to family and friends and people that know you from the past people that know from the past have a very hard time allowing you to grow you're always going to be a little baby UHA you're always going to be a little baby Moshe yeah but he's 37 years old now he's not a baby anymore no no but I used to play with him in kindergarten yeah but he's not a baby he's not in kindergarten anymore he's 35 he has kids in kindergarten no but he used to be like me yeah but he's not like you anymore he grew up he's married he has kids he has this they have a hard time letting you grow eventually when you become religious and you really seriously work on yourself and you work on your character trait you can get people to to the point where they can't deny it and the reason why is because the change is not just exterior a lot of people become religious exterior wise they grow a beer they put a hat on they put a scarf on on their head they put a skirt on you know they look religious but inside it's the same exact person nothing changed still same bad awful character traits still angry still yelling at each other still upset at the world still upset at God same exact thing they just look religious people like that it's better than they go they don't become religious because other people that are not religious look at them and they say Ah that's I'm better off the way I am so the key is to understand that being religious means it's the inside meaning that it's supposed to change your character traits supposed to change your bad character traits so if you're still not working on and developing your s you haven't even started Chua so once you really do Chua people will notice it without you saying anything just by looking at you not because of your beard not because of the scarf on your head not because of your skirt but just because of your behavior they're going to see you don't have to say anything they're going to see look the guy just cut him off he didn't do anything look the kids are making noise and he's not flipping out like everyone else would look the guy just spilled a drink on him and he he smiled look he's happy look he's not angry like the rest of us look he's completely not interested in all the material conversations we have look he they see you once they see you regularly be better than them they're going to want to do it and also your words will be more effective at that point anyway so even if you do say something say you know what he's saying something but he can back it up he's saying you should be angry because look at him he used to be one of the mobsters and now he's a tadik so your words carry more weight also so more important than anything else is work on yourself once you work on yourself everything else will follow of course prayer will always help in the beginning middle or later it doesn't make a difference prayer always helps but the most important thing is to work on yourself because leading by example is the most important thing that a person can do if he wants to change the world around him um and that's one of the things that I said earlier some people do chuva but they torture their family they torture the people around them they yell at the kids they yell at the wife they yell at the husband you're not doing enough you're not doing this you're not doing that people like that it's the worst it's the worst to be around them because they only look at everyone else's flaws except their own and people like that make other people not want to be religious because they literally destroy the Torah they completely Chang into something else but they they use they'll show you a book and they'll show you a gar and they'll show you a in the sometimes but it's wrong it's wrong simply wrong there are certain things that are right all the time there certain things that are right sometimes there are certain things that are wrong all the time you have to know it's not just about teaching something it's about knowing who and what and when you know so that that common sense is not something that you're going to buy in a book there's no book that's going to teach you that you have to learn so that's also takes takes some training takes some time take some experience if everyone around you is unhappy instead of complaining about them you should look in the mirror and ask yourself am I the reason if everyone around you is unhappy you may very well be the reason they're unhappy you may very well be the reason it's unhappy why look at it what's wrong why are they unhappy if you're the husband you're the wife and everyone's miserable around you why why is everybody so miserable check it out it can't be that they're wrong and you're right all the time even if you did Chua even if you're a rabbi even if you're me even if you're you if doesn't make a difference it can't be always right can't be I mean it's possible that you're wrong you're still human you know so that's that's the thing so you got to check yourself got to check yourself but that's AAR also it says that a person unless a person studies a lot of M unless a person is actively fighting the on this specific issue he will never see anything wrong with himself so I'll finish it off with a funny story a guy drives down the road and he calls his wife he goes new town we moved into it's a bunch of crazy people she goes what honey why why goes everybody's driving the wrong direction he's in the wrong side of the highway he's on the wrong side of the highway he's on wrong side of the highway but he says everybody's driving the wrong direction everybody's crazy everybody's crazy any questions in the secular world as you know being a gentl means to be a casanov so what does it mean for a Jewish man to be a gentleman or is this such a concept gentlemen in Judaism a gentleman in Judaism is a is a man that his eyes only his eyes his heart and his mind only belong to his wife only belong again a gentleman in Judaism is a person that his eyes his mind his thoughts his past his present his future only belongs to his wife he does not spend a moment thinking about any other woman ever not for the sake of helping this person but he looks at the person as a person not as a woman as the opposite sex that's number one two even if he has to have a conversation with a woman for whatever reason or another for work reasons for whatever reason he can't continue eye contact uh like normal people do secular people do because that eye contact develop a certain type of chemistry that eye contact develop a chemistry that could lead to attraction that attraction could lead to problems why you're cheating on your wife right now yes I know some guys are going to say wait relax I got my partner I got this I got that I got that what I'm looking at another woman I'm cheating on my wife yes you're cheating on your wife you look at another woman you're cheating on your wife why because if you're a normal man with a you're not looking at a woman and thinking wow she's such a nice person you're not if you're a normal person unless you're unless you're which in that point you don't need this lecture you're not you're not looking at anyone if you're a normal guy when you look at another woman within a matter of seconds naturally naturally your brain takes you to Never Never Land naturally you're thinking I could get her naturally you're thinking maybe she wants to get me naturally you're thinking we're going to go we're going to do you're already thinking of a honeymoon of a date of the hotel of the dinner of the this you're thinking of the whole thing happening already you're imagining her in kind of ways you're thinking impure thoughts why you're a man that has that makes you no different than an animal if you maintain simple eye contact I'm not talking about even the what I said last week about you're not supposed to shake their hand and so on forget the hand you want to shake the hands good luck with you good luck you want to shake hands good luck shaking hands not one doador in his ever shook a woman's hand not one not a single one regardless of the ones you think are lenient or not lenient no one does it you want to do it because there's a leniency somewhere in the books enjoy looking is even worse without touching looking just stareing eye to eye contact like I'm talking to you the whole lecture eye to eye contact with a woman you're finished why your mind will take you to places your wife might as well go find a new husband you're not a husband anymore you're thinking about this woman for a few days at least that's a reality I'm not telling you as a RAB I'm telling you as a man it's a reality so a gentleman depends who he wants to be he wants to be kasanova that's that's not a religious person so it's a good question telling another woman is she your wife no no no woman nice okay so uh you know what it's a very good question I'm because I'm I'm already I'm already at the I think so I guess you got me off guard got me off guard I'm sorry all right rewind rewind let me rewind my apologies no no I'm goingwind my apologies my apologies it's my fault I'm already Never Never Land already and you guys still here okay so let's go back okay gentleman must have his heart his mind his eyes his thoughts on his wife only which means by definition that to even get to a point where you're looking at another woman enough times to even recognize she's good-look to recognize that she looks pretty today to recognize that she looks better than she did the last time you saw already we see we're not going in the right direction now I'm not saying that you have to close your eyes all the time but what I am saying is that you can't stare to the point where you are recognizing there's a difference if you know what one of the women here is wearing as far as like details of one of the uh one of their dresses or or sweaters or whatever that's already a problem you've already spent too much time looking where it doesn't belong unless she's your wife so complimenting a woman about her looks unless you're on a date unless you're on a date and you're looking for a but I could tell you that in the religious world in the FR from birth world people that are religious from birth it's actually not allowed but the vast majority of the world is not religious the vast majority of the world is Bala so that is actually strange to them so actually had a student who was about Chua and she went on a date a few dates with another person that I knew uh that was F from birth that was religious from birth and she as a woman she gave him a compliment the woman gave the guy a compliment because to her the way she was brought up it's a nice thing to do and she's right it's a nice thing to do but it's wrong why because if he's religious from birth that means he's trying to protect himself protect his breed protect you know his his mind and so on which means that since we're just just dating which means no touching and there's no certainty whatsoever there is going to be marriage anytime soon if at all ever your compliment already is going to lead him to think oh she wants me she this she that already you can get the guy to sin you can get the you could lead the guy to sin with a simple compliment oh wow I like your hair today I like your keepa I like your this so in the FR World in a religious world it's it's frowned upon it's not you're not supposed to give compliments which is very strange personally to me it's very strange Behavior but nonetheless it's necessary for the right reason there's a real reason behind it but since the vast majority of the world is B and to tell them don't compliment somebody else it's like telling them don't breathe so when you compliment someone you have the complement itself has to be appropriate meaning you can't say oh wow I like your butt in this pants that's not appropriate in any regards whether you're the male or the female I like your body I like your this not nothing no insinuation whatsoever and I'm speaking Frank to you because that's the way we need to speak so you have to compliment you know has to be very simple in as few words as possible based on what you're really supposed to it's not supposed to do it unless she your wife unless your husband but if you can't refrain from it because you've lived literally 50 years a completely different life and now you're just starting fine you got to limit it you got to minimize it it says don't speak too much to a woman even if if she's your wife so even more so if she's not your wife so as far as complimenting women obviously you should not do it because you don't want her thoughts to go in strange places you don't want your thoughts to go into strange places and even though women's Minds don't work the same way as men's Minds uh at least not to my knowledge uh for the most part the uh the man usually looks for some type of reaction from the woman so if he tells the woman oh you look good and the woman you know she's a normal person she likes that someone gave her a compliment she smiles she smiled innocently thinking oh I got a compliment bashem I you know Hashem made me look a certain way Hashem gave me this you know dress Hashem gave me this sweater whatever I don't know whatever she likes the fact that she got complimented now that's the way she's thinking she's not thinking wow he's such a nice guy maybe I'll marry him maybe we'll go out to dinner maybe this maybe that but him he saw her reaction automatically is oh she wants to be with me why she smiled at what I said what do you mean what you said you complimented her so a guy's mind has a strange yet in comparison to a woman a woman looks at a man and she thinks wow he looks like a nice guy that's that's what a woman thinks oh he looks funny a woman looks at a man she thinks about his personality a man looks at a woman and he cares less about our personality he cares everything about her body everything about her physicality that's just the reality of life so you have to make sure to understand that you're responsible for your thoughts you're responsible for your thoughts so says a man should make sure to watch his eyes in the morning so it doesn't lead him to sin at night what does it mean watch his uh watches his eyes in the morning meaning during the day so he doesn't sin at night make sure you watch your eyes and don't look in places that are inappropriate in which includes any woman that's not your wife why because then you'll end up having dreams where you end up wasting seed and that's still a sin even though you did it you know uh subconsciously involuntarily and so on it's still technically a sin it's not the same level of sin as someone that did it intentionally while they awake but nonetheless the sin why because it's still an outcome from your actions you looked at a place you you're not allowed to look so you have to be careful with dating but this is also part of the reason of why dating in a Jewish world is not dating anywhere near like dating in the secular world in the secular world you could live like husband and wife for 5 years and still not have a waiting date some people live together 5 years 10 years in the same house in the same bed same everything for 10 years and then they break up wasting their lives wasting their time wasting their money wasting their emotions and thinking oh no I thought he was going to be my husband what do you mean you lived with him he was your husband for 10 years you just got divorced no he was my boyfriend no no he was your husband you just called him boyfriend so in a religious world there's no such thing in the Torah world you date however many times you want to date but there's never any physical you're not allowed to hold hands not all to hug not to kiss not obviously you know not allowed to be intimate not allowed to do any of these things why because you're not husband and wife and to be husband and wife you have to have a you know a um spiritual connection not a physical connection only physical is important to be a attracted to each other but you don't you're not bicycles you don't need to try out anything oh let me try this out what is the bicycle you know it's it's not it's a car let me test drive it see what happens it's not it's not so that's that's that's what people need to understand is that you need to talk to each other see if you have similar likes see if you have similar Ambitions see if you see yourselves growing due to each other see if you compliment each other see if you believe that the union between the two of you would met make a better version of you if you do what are you waiting for you don't need a thousand dates for it you don't need to have sex for that you don't need you don't need to do any of these things you don't need to go out for five years for this you don't need to be intimate with anyone to to do this you just need to talk to somebody once twice five times 10 times 20 times whatever it is but it doesn't require anything physical once you get across the line of physical then it's no longer the same relationship then it's based on lusts and lust is not your mind lust is something else it's not a relationship so if you build it purely on that it'll break purely on that that's where you see all these movie stars and and and celebrities that uh none of them are missing any good looks usually they're all very good-look people but they are married five 10 times why because the lust goes away so in a dating world you have to make sure that you're careful with your mind with your thoughts and just generally your day-to-day world for anyone that's already a wife or a husband it's even more so and the reason why is because when you sign a you made an agreement that your eyes your ears your nose your mouth your wallet your future your past your everything belongs to another person it's become part of another person which means that if you share anything with another person you're violating that relationship do you understand so you're you're so this is also another reason for a woman to want to be modest because a woman that truly understands modesty will have a husband that truly understands modesty so for for for the two to actually have modesty in their life is the greatest gift in the world and the reason why is because modesty is not just clothing it's also Behavior so woman that's modest is never going to flirt with anyone that's not our husband that's not a thought forget an action it's not even a thought why by me spending anything more than the basic minimum to tell the Plumber where the bathroom is I'm cheating on my husband why I'm spending valuable time that I owe to my husband with someone else what if your husband's not there doesn't matter my mind needs to be on him my mind needs to be on my husband if all my kids our life can't be with some plumber oh what do you do on the weekends successful people most of them even in the secular World truly married they successful that's it just like a person's respected to be monotheistic to believe in only a single God he should also believe in a single relationship it's no different uh so when you're when I unfortunately I see this a lot I mean I could tell you a uh one of the horrible things that happens in the world is that women have their husbands they marry them they have kids with them and so on but their hearts belongs to someone else the husband is the husband the husband provides the husband you know they're sleep in the same bed the husband is the father father of the kids and so on but their hearts belong to someone else why because that someone else that they meet on Facebook or they meet on Twitter or they meet in Gom or they meet in in on the bus or they meet at work or they meet in all these different places they just talk to them and that someone listens to them which the husband is not willing to do so what happens they fall in love with this imaginatory imagination of of a husband because they think that this guy that always talks to them this bus driver that always talk to them this cab driver that always talks to them this colleague at work that always talks to them oh he always talks to them he understands me he's my friend he's my this he's my that how like why am I wasting my time with this deadbeat husband of mine all he wants to do is learn Torah all day he doesn't want to talk to me so that's why even if you learn Torah you have to spend some time talking to your wife but nonetheless the point is that many many women unfortunately unfortunately they start their life with their husbands but for a combination of reasons but most importantly a lack of real modesty um end up having their hearts go somewhere else having their hearts go somewhere else and I can tell you something that the ranim that are against the internet especially social uh media like Facebook and so on if they really knew what goes on on social media they'd be even more against it they'd be even more against it everyone's against the internet and all that stuff because a lot of bad comes out of it people see pornography and and and and waste their minds and wallets and and and and life on it but the horrible little secret that happens on the internet is that many women develop relationships with fake people with people that you know are not there not there in their day-to-day life but they spend more time talking to them than they do their own husband their own kids and develop relationships with them and it's these imaginary relationships that go because like I told you a woman is not necessarily as concerned about your phys the physical aspect of the man as much as the man is so if a man is willing to talk to her he's willing to listen to her he's willing to address her issues he's willing to uh you know be her voice of reason he's willing to give her advice whether makes sense or not is he irrelevant he's willing to make her laugh my heart is his he's my soulmate really not my husband I married the wrong guy they could fall in love with someone without ever seeing them in their life without ever seen them in their life and feel perfectly comfortable about talking about this person to their husband oh yeah you know Steve who's Steve no my friend on Facebook oh automatically the husband's come oh it's Facebook yeah it's nothing it's nothing he doesn't realize this idiot she's in love with Steve he doesn't realize it because she herself doesn't realize it yet you know Steve what he said oh he made me laugh today oh yeah what do he say Steve what do he say Steve what did he say oh he said that you know bunnies jump really high oh yeah that's what he said I don't have to the guy's thinking I don't have anything to worry about this idiot that talks to my wife he's just taking he's just taking the uh he's helping me out he's helping me out I don't have to waste my time talking to my wife about bunnies he's helping me out little does he know this foolish husband and little does this foolish wife and little does foolish Steve know this love triangle is a disaster disaster and this happens daily eventually some people take it further where Steve and whoever Wilma end up meeting why they fell in love on the internet they fell in love on the internet what could be so wrong yeah but she's married but he's married they have kids have this have that they're religious they're this they're that so it's a very very very dangerous game I know of a story right now happening right now tell you guys a story right now happening so you don't think this is just a figment of my imagination I see this stuff all the time this is also something that I have to be careful with myself because people ask me a million and a half questions all the time so one of the things I do is I have free access to my phone anyone wants to see my phone have my phone my wife anyone see my phone no problem I don't hide anything I don't ever write anything I'm not willing to publicize to the world people always ask me oh can I share what you sent me I said you should should share what I sent you because if I'm if I don't if I answer something that I don't want somebody to to to to to share there's a problem yeah but I don't care Share it to the put on the internet put a make a website this is what your own ruven said on Monday Tuesday but he said it to me doesn't make a difference publicize everything I sh everything I said everything why if I have a problem it should be publicized why my heart and my eyes my ears my nose my everything belongs to my wife if I'm cheating I belong to be called out 100% not joking 100% why so a person needs to understand this gets horrible this right now right now mamash serious serious story someone I know amazing guy amazing sadik kados M this is a holy person friendly what's so wrong with being friendly friendly so this woman married religious woman also friendly and uh they were friendly on the internet he's innocent doesn't know he's single young guy good guy and friendly and they're talking and they work together they do kiru and they do this and they do that but internet they never saw each other they live in different countries different zip codes different everything she's married with kids he's single still trying to build his life different worlds but they talked a lot one day there was a Fallout it's a Fallout something happened I'll spare you the details of what happened she lost her mind so what does he do okay she lost her mind she a little cuckoo I don't owe anything to her she's not my wife she's not my daughter she's not my she's nothing to me used to be a friend now we're not friends anymore cut off bye-bye move on to your life blocked no more Facebook nothing so now some time passed and cuck was slowed down now she wants to be friends again she strives to reach him he doesn't want to reach doesn't want to respond so what does he do what does she do she starts p posting on the internet where are you this is a married Jewish woman where are you I'm trying to talk to you she tries reaching his friends indirectly in a different country to get to him tell him I'm trying to talk to him I want to talk to him we need to talk who are you what what is wrong with you what does your husband think that you're chasing about some strange single guy in a different country is something wrong with you yes some a lot is wrong with her a lot is wrong with her that's why she lost it in the first place but that's stupid husband stupid wife so this is why the internet is terrible this is the reason why the internet is terrible if you are on the internet do it only to share Torah share leave share leave share leave don't become friends with anybody don't be it's not a place to make friends you want friends go meet somebody in the it you want friends get married you're married have kids there'll be plenty of friends for you that's it people have developed these social relationships and M they ruin their lives ruin their lives so it's very very dangerous very very dangerous and I'm telling this to myself I'm telling this to you I'm telling this to anyone that's willing to hear it's very dangerous these this I'm telling you it's not because people go into to it with always with negative intention sometimes they do obviously but many times they come into it with a innocent intention oh I met Steve today who's Steve oh he's in Milwaukee oh really what does Steve do oh he's in a nice KLA he's the rabbi there he's the khazan there he's a member he just moved there from Alaska and he likes it there maybe we should move to Kentucky maybe we should move to Alaska with him well let's keep talking to him let's see what happens she keeps talking to him and little do you know they become a little more than friendly now why he's talking to her and for a woman that's a relationship the physical aspect the physical aspect is like a cherry on top it's not the focus of a relationship for a woman anyone doesn't know that doesn't know women of course there's a physical aspect we all humans but that's not as significant for a woman as it is for a man it's nowhere near it's Polar Opposites so if you're going to spend a lot of time talking to a woman just know you're cheating on your wife so bottom line and we'll finish it here you want to be a kosher person first and foremost no whatever you say to anyone You' be willing to publicize to the world which means if it's nonsense don't say it if it's inappropriate don't say it if you wife was listening you wouldn't say it don't say it if Hashem was listening which he is you wouldn't say it don't say it second thing is the third thing whatever we're on the list is make sure you watch your eyes watch your eyes don't stare at anything why it's just a natural inclination for a man to get his mind to go somewhere it doesn't belong next thing is for women stop developing relationship with strangers you want a relationship get married you have a you have a husband develop a relationship with him have kids stop getting relationships with strange men doesn't matter that Steve lives in Alaska or hanol Lulu or or is in gay trying to tell you what the Satan looks like it doesn't make a difference if you have questions for a rabbi send the question alone don't send compliments I've had this a few times woman tells me gives me a compliment I I disconnect I don't respond anymore I don't respond as soon as there's a compliment that's it it's the end and I don't mean compliment oh I like your sh they like the sh that's good I'm talking about something else something that's personal complement the suit compliment the look compliment the that the end end of the relationship you will never see a response from me again why the relationship went to a place I can't I can't be I can't be that guy find someone else find a husband I belong to someone else this is the type of mind you need to have in order to have a kosher life why God Is Watching and when you go up to sh you know your wife is with you you know that right doesn't matter that she's still here because she outlived you sh is in sh sh sh and you say oh look look he cheated on you with this one he cheated on you with this one and she's going to look at you what you you cheat on me with her she was my friend you cheat on me with her she was my friend also she was on Facebook she was on Twitter how'd you do this to me a the embarrassment you're gonna have to deal with it's gonna be worse than G worse than gay watch your eyes fellas watch your keyboards enough theyit serious why you don't want to be married don't be married but don't torture anyone to it and that is the end of the sh tonight I'm sure you going to have more questions after I shut off the camera but I think the camera are dying anyway go no no well I would just just sum that up um just okay concept U gentlemen okay I know you kind of brushed up a little bit what not to be done so how do we apply that as you know as a single guy what advice or a single man if you're going on a date with a woman then yes you could um first and foremost you have to understand that you cannot walk behind a woman um so if you're on a date with a woman walk side by side or walk one or two steps in front of her can't walk behind her whether she's uh whether she's uh your uh date or someone you don't know you shouldn't walk behind a woman says is uh very serious sin that's one two as far as opening a door for a woman which is aass assuming what you guys are referring to as far as a aspect of of being gentlemanly uh you're allowed to open a door for a woman you're allowed to open the door for a woman but immediately catch up don't stay there and be one of these done ones and open the door it's like go ahead none of that stuff none of that stuff go ahead yeah oh you're in okay I'm coming don't do any of that no no no no no no no games no yeah no none of that no movie star stuff no oh you here I held the door for you you should say thank you none of that stuff open it you want to open it open the door whatever but immediately catch up and walk in the same place iMed same place that's and again it's much more important for you to be a kosher person than to be you know what's considered gentlemanly because gentlemanly today is not really gentlemanly gentlemanly is just somebody that's trying to get in bed with a woman that's not his wife that's really what it is it comes down to it so ask yourself why you doing it why you doing it bottom line why you doing it you're doing it because of a you're doing it because of B so that's the thing you have to ask as far as a uh shaking hands with with the opposite sex you shouldn't do it as I've said multiple times out huh she reach out at you first she reach out first so what do again it takes some getting used to yeah you have to apply it right get get some get some getting used used to in the beginning again if you're not comfortable in your own skin thank um if you're comfortable in your own skin and you're confident in what you're doing you can say I'm sorry I don't uh I don't uh shake hands with a woman because of God because of my religion not just I don't if you say I don't shake hands of another of a woman and she doesn't know what Judaism is she may get offended for no reason you say I don't shake woman because it's against my religion if unless it's my wife any normal woman would actually appreciate that any normal woman would appreciate that you don't shake a woman's hand that's not your wife why she'll be jealous of the fact that a man is not want to even touch another woman her husband is looking to touch anything that moves man woman animal uh flowers whatever you sadik are not even want to touch a another woman that's reaching out to you already she's like I wish my husband was like that could be so if you're comfortable on your own skin you're proud of being a Jew that's what you should do on the other hand if you're not yet at that level then as I suggest last time always have something in your hand mhm have a lot of stuffs in your hand so that way if somebody shakes your hand like I have something I have something like oh okay okay yeah yeah elbow elbow hands are dirty I have a cold I have a cold hands are dirty I don't know I uh I just touched uh you know uh you know whatever Obama I don't know whatever you don't want to get infected I don't know so point is is that you can create some type of excuse uh and that's that's what you should do as far as opening doors as far as a uh speaking in general you should not speak to a woman that's not your wife uh casually you shouldn't have girlfriends uh because again it's only a matter of time before it leads your mind to go to inappropriate place it's just a reality and I know many guys have many girlfriends and many girls have many boyfriends I understand T is life it's just it's it's a if you want to it depends how what degree of avoiding sin you want to be in you want to play you know scratch the surface you want to you know like like skit into G like you barely made it good luck try it you want to skit in fine me I don't know me I'm scared to death so I uh I'm hoping I make it period you know if you're so confident that everything else you do is so perfect that you're able to have a uh a um platonic relationship they call it uh with a woman that's not your wife fine but in reality it's against nature it's against nature for a man to have a platonic relationship it's against nature and the reason why is because a man's nature cannot have a platonic relationship it's only a matter of time before that man wants to so do something else it could start as that it could start as that but it's only a matter of time before it becomes something else if not actual at least psychological so it's highly recommended highly recommended not to even start and obviously it's not allowed um but in general it's a uh just having these types of relationships only leads to problems only leads to problems uh spiritual problems in general uh so again this also is part of Chua this is part of adjustment I was a smoker for 20 years smoked cigarettes for 20 years never did drugs but smok cigarettes for 20 years when I was told that I should quit smoking you know my response was you should quit smoking I don't smoke okay should start and stop leave me alone like I don't want I don't want to I like smoking I don't want to S I don't like immediately when I was told no you should squit smoke I you quit leave me alone go go find somebody else that was my reaction why because it was completely absurd absurd for me to quit smoking because I was so used to it it became part of me I enjoyed it I cared less about being sick I'm already sick tell me about dying I'm already dying what what it's actually I feel like it's giving me life like what you in my mind my was like leave me alone you go fix yourself leave my smoking alone but eventually as the Torah got stronger and and the yet was overcome in other aspects I was able to overcome the yet in different aspects of my life and little by little get closer and closer to Hashem eventually I got to the same door again eventually I got to the same door again by myself meaning it was mentioned but not directly and I said you know I probably should quit smoking now the question is how so sometimes you're not ready for all of this sometimes there certain things that I say in you just it's simply far away from you fine I understand I understand doesn't mean that it's right for you to do it doesn't mean that every single second that I continued smoking wasn't a sin it's a sin and hopefully I'll do CH before I died that it's not a sin anymore but nonetheless I'm not saying you're allowed to continue sinning what I'm saying is you may not be able to fix it right the second but don't cancel out everything and say ah if I'm not able to keep this then might as well do everything else if I'm not able to get rid of all my girlfriends then might as well just not even keep Shabbat no one thing has nothing to do with the other you got three hours sure 10 minutes of it is good keep the 10 minutes okay two hours and 50 minutes no good not apply for you fine 10 minutes good take the 10 minutes two hours and 50 minutes is good 10 minutes not good Take 2 hours and 50 minutes eventually we'll get to the other that's how you fight the yet same thing goes with picking friends same thing goes with picking schools same thing goes with picking wives and picking husbands same thing goes with picking different Ambitions how much to learn how much to do how much where to move where to donate and so on and so forth it's all the same the same principles apply everywhere andm this m that we continue learning together helps all of us because each and every single one of us has a different your may be unique in one thing my is unique in a different thing everyone has a in some way or another but the only way we're going to be able to beat it is if we're realistic not realistic in a sense that we're uh you know oh yeah we have that's good no no I mean realistic that we know we have a problem we're honest with ourselves all of us have some type of spiritual sickness if we didn't we wouldn't be here so first step admitting admitting we have something we have to work on learning knowledge all types of character traits that never end something all of us have something the more we do what hasem wants the more he'll do what we want and ultimately give us the feeling where we know for sure for sure without a doubt in our mind that he's there watching that's good for us in a million ways one it's good for us because we know we're not going to sin in front of the king of kings it's that's good for but even more so we know he's watching and we're confident oh it's under control I don't know what's going on ABA but it's under control the road's crazy everybody's going the wrong direction they must be all crazy but if you're there you're watching it's okay amen amen [Music] [Applause] [Music]