Am I Safe?

shelamim welcome to practical spirituality here in Asia tour in the old city of jerusalem overlooking the Temple Mount please go online enjoying the yom tov media club let's make a big impact in this world join the club and we are going to use that club to not only do stuff that we'll do in the club but also we're gonna put the word out by the way the club the omental media club which i suggest any of you join it's kind of a set and forget thing where we're gonna be doing i have to travel for two weeks coming up and when i get back to israel we're gonna be doing a a zoom conference questions answers experience together for everyone in the club so you helped a media club.com what I'd like to do with all of us is imagine you were wearing a t-shirt that said on it I'm not safe can you walk around with a t-shirt that says I'm not safe what do you think people would do what do you think people would do if you had a t-shirt and said I'm not saying you it's kind of a funny that I'm looking at all your faces just imagining you walking around with that t-shirt so like some of you it would just kind of be funny cuz like if you look like a like one of these like friendly seminary girls so you wearing a t-shirt saying I'm not safe is just kind of it would just kind of be ironic and funny but think about the rest of you like having that on your t-shirt oh yeah you got a spot right here you can come around just care for the camels wearing a t-shirt asked me about my fear of strangers so but imagine wearing a t-shirt that says I'm not safe what's gonna happen is people are gonna change like they're gonna walk to the other side of the road when you walk by now of course no one would wear such a t-shirt and obviously it's announcing something that's not very nice about you but listen to this for a moment the heart is the most fragile thing that anyone has it is the most fragile thing that you'll ever ever possess is your heart super fragile it's super super super friendly there's nothing you have you could have like the crystal wine glass is is safer less fragile than your heart hearts the most fragile thing yeah but interestingly it's your most precious possession so it's got most precious and they think that you have anything more precious than your own heart anything more precious imagine giving your heart to someone forever like can there be anything more precious and for you to hold someone else's heart forever like what could be more precious than that I mean I think about it like this what's more I'll ask you it like what's the most precious stone so famously it would be the diamond although there may be things that are more precious sometimes thank you do me a favor and just if I you sitting here or with or with Cyril you know we got a table for two right here go quick please oh you had to put on your shoes that table for two are you three over there I really should be managing restaurants Oh now the we're just saying that the most well I'm asking you guys what's more precious a $10,000 diamond or your heart which one your hearts my precious so that's what I meant by your heart being precious it's more precious than a diamond I mean imagine someone who got like a $10,000 diamond from someone who didn't hold her heart so like is that diamond worth much not really it's just a diamond hearts not being held can we see that that hearts more precious and if someone held your heart but couldn't afford a diamond just asking the ladies of those two scenarios which one would you go for it yeah I'd prefer someone hold my heart I'll go for the are you can keep your diamonds yeah rather someone hold my heart so we see that the heart is the most precious possession but it's ironic that that the most the second most precious possession they say is compared to the heart but diamonds are actually the hardest substance yeah they're really you can't even cut a diamond without unless you have another diamond you need a diamond knife to cut the diamond because it's one of the hardest materials in the world more precious than the diamond is the heart and it's the most fragile position I mean even as you sit there right now and not everyone could do this but I can see how important it is to you that you feel safe with your heart meaning yet when I say I can see how important is to you I mean individually I can see how important that is to and it's so important to you that you feel safe with your heart that you're probably gonna be a real consum a real stingy person with your heart because I mean I understand like I get it you know like I got I wouldn't wanna get hurt either and so you're gonna be pretty stingy about that someone cried to me yesterday my Buffalo I cried to me yesterday then her best friend got married and her best friend's like doing her best at least call her once a week but think about it what girls are like when they're best friends versus a perfunctory call once a week from the from the Kalla from the bride who got married you know it's like she'd rather not get that call it's it's a band-aid call it side so I didn't forget you call but I did forget you because I've moved on my first daughter before she started high school I didn't warn her about this my second daughter I warned and it didn't work she still got too close and the my third daughter I warned and she also got too close so I've given him I don't know what's the right thing to do I um and just let people get their hearts put through an egg slicer and that's it so the hearts the most precious thing and it's the most fragile thing and the crazy thing about the heart is that it gets smashed to smithereens before you're five before you turn the age five to get smashed to smithereens before you even turn age five like hundreds of times sometimes it may even start with they may even start with your parents listening to loud music on their Bluetooth speaker in their bedroom and your to scream your head off after a nightmare but still in a cribs you can't get out your first two comments were funny the your parents are just they're just rocking out me they're just like yeah it's having a great time you know they're just you know you don't know if you know this but your parents are dancing to loud music when you're little in their bedroom so and anyway but the babies just like I had I had a client who one of their first memories when their first memories towards the end of the memory is is their parents opening the door into them and like rubbing them across the floor because the parents went out and they only went out meaning they just ran down to the market just to pick something up the baby was fast asleep not a baby whatever there's a five year old it's fast asleep so that it went down to market but when they closed the door I guess they closed it too hard and the kid woke up and also they ran into some friends in the market whatever what was which should have been 10 minutes was 45 and the baby passed out the five-year-old and fired that I mean passed out from convulsive crying in in front of the front door until it passed out and then the parents got home and they're like just trying to push the door open you know like scraping the baby along the floor you know the baby it's a fine girl baby you know it's heavy a five year old they're like pushing the five-year-old into the house while they opened the front door and so what happens by the time were five six years old we and onward is that we get this sense of danger we got the sense of danger that that I could be I could be hurt anywhere at any time and if you think being at home with your family is safer there are many families where the dynamic in the home is more dangerous than outside though many families it's safer outside with friends than insight certain certain parents and certainly any family that's directly Minnie added to the Holocaust meaning two lineages from the Holocaust a lot of those homes don't feel very safe even third fourth generation and so when I'm wearing a t-shirt that says I'm not safe what you first heard me say there when I said you imagine wear your t-shirt that said I'm not safe who did you think that was about it was it seemed like what I was saying is the person that sees you when you're walking down the streets gonna go to the other side cuz you're not safe who was it actually about was it about that other person were you warning that person no who was it about it was actually about you it was actually about you you're the one who was saying I'm not safe now I got a question for all of you just go to your intuition for this one do you think you need to wear a t-shirt that says that you're not really meaning your heart is not really gonna be safe to be to allow it to be exposed to be held to be cared can't carry it to be cherished to be taken care of to be guarded and protected do you think you need to wear a t-shirt that that's at risk and that you're not safe or do you think that even without the t-shirt the vibrational message is I'm not safe you need a t-shirt do you think it's it's hid in the world vibrationally yeah it's hid in the world vibration and the crazy thing about it is that you you're so safe the crazy thing is you're so safe I'll show you for example right here raise your hand if you would not willingly hurt anyone look around the room bigger another room it's like everybody everybody so like meaning meaning this is what they do in Israel when they say you're crazy they go like that to you like if you cut someone off they walk they like drive up there like and they have a Hebrew word for it too if they if the windows open they say safe II mean you're you're like a psychiatric case but they say the P C and if two fingers you really nuts but that's what I'm saying to everyone whose hand was just up that you're walking around like everyone's carrying a knife they're not the world is filled with people just like you who would like someone to be careful with their heart and would in turn be careful with yours we're just crazy we're living in isolation some kind of strange charade of don't hurt me all around the most beautiful loving people who've been hurt too in the past and also woke up screaming when there were kids and and also had their parents forget to pick them up from school and they waited outside and until they were just standing there like for an hour until their parents finally realized that their kid didn't come home because that day was no buses cuz there was an after school event the parents finally woke up to the fact that maybe they should drive by the school they missed the email maybe but the world is full of words full of just people just like you who know how carefully you gotta be no I'm not saying that you gotta like put your heart on a platter like a silver platter and just say like hold it hold it and hold my heart you know would you can you hold my heart please are you my mother you know I'm not asking you guys that's not what I'm saying I'm not saying like just go running around like trying to get everyone to hold your heart but it is on a continuum you know there's a continuum between Lena there's a continuum between I put it up there there's a continuum between all my heart and I'm not safe and if you're like most people what side you want which side you leaning towards yeah you're probably leaning towards I'm not safe for the most part no this gets Kaizen the cosmic in a way because who's the one who feels not safe you what are you generating to that world without the t-shirt what are you generating whatwhat's the vibration say it's three words we keep saying it over and over again I'm not saying is someone going to feel safe with you when you're saying I'm not safe think about just cosmically on an intuitive like kind of instinctual if I'm not asking you to go intellectual right now just in a very intuitive level is someone gonna feel very safe with someone who's vibrational message is I'm not safe No and so what we realize now is that is that you have the intellectual recognition in this class as you just saw everyone's hands raised that no one's gonna harm anybody purposely so therefore if this class is a random cross-section of people aren't gonna hurt you like literally everyone raises their hand no one in this room is going to hurt you or would and quite the opposite that actually pride you super tender real careful like any steps towards getting to know you ergh anyone anyone trying to get to know you in this classroom is gonna do so with great respect real slow sensing your ability to let them in more and meanwhile knowing that intellectually but feeling I'm not safe he's sending out a message that you're not safe and so the likelihood is that no one would get anywhere near close to you in this room you noticed likely to allow you in because the message I'm not safe is gonna hit them I'm saying kind of deep stuff right now I hope I haven't lost you guys we're in like we're in like deep layers of emotional intelligence work right now but meaning no one's gonna hurt you I'll say it again no one's gonna hurt you I mean it'd be like extreme statistical crazy situation that anyone would abuse your heart so no one's gonna do that but because you're vibrationally saying I'm not safe mmm-hmm they may not hurt you but they're also not gonna let you in meaning meaning before it sounded like well hey I've ever raised their hand well what rapping um top saying is that now we get to be close to everybody now I can be close to everybody it doesn't work like that no one's gonna let you be close to them because even though you know you're safe I'm not safe it's the inner vibrational message and when you're saying I'm not safe everyone's here in a that about themselves but they're not safe which leads us to the big challenge and the big challenge is how do you let everybody know that what that you're safe how do you let everybody know that you're safe how do you communicate that tell me if you were hiring somebody for a pretty high-level job and you're interviewing people who have the right resume for such a job and let's say you've narrowed it down to ten people who all have the credentials they got the know-how and one of them's learned how to communicate I'm safe and he may even not have his good credentials as the other nine but he's got enough who would you hire what do you want to see every day you're gonna be seeing this guy every day for hours eight hours a day who are you hiring yeah I'll take the safe guy please I'll take the guy who knows how to communicate that he is safe you'd like to get married interesting getting married well what do you think it's like trying to get married with the words I'm not safe being communicated again everyone I'm just back to station identification we're talking about I'm not safe with my heart to let someone hold it that's all we're talking about here that's all we're just content I'm a physical safety you're like abuse subject we're not anywhere near those subject with Jess talking about safe to let your heart be held by another human being that's all that's all we're discussing it so it's a very limited subject here what's it like dating when you're not safe was it like for the other person this perhaps is the reason why the safe for the home environment culture for the for protection of the heart the the faster the shadow can go I mean in my community where the hearts extra protected you know I'm a part of a Hasidic community so there's like you know it's really really protected there's like almost no there's almost no crop you know there's no I'm gonna say cross-gender there's no like gender mixing it all and you know even if we have guests in my house there will be a there was even a woman's room and a men's room at an Emil it's a it's a it's a very protective place even it older ages my daughter is even there 17 18 19 20 then we still will escort them to our house we don't have them walk home after dark it's like but that's there any physical protection but but it's protective environment and the but in our community the getting married can go from like from like neutral to until like fifth gear in 24 to 48 hours meaning from not knowing who the person is to engage to them can take place within 48 hours 24 hours 72 hours fast it's really fast if it's too fast they're gonna keep dating the couple these are you don't married people off when they're kids these are mature people there and they're the ones going for it parents parents don't and they're I'm sure the parents who push but not every parents an idiot there's some parents are smart so the smart parents aren't gonna push I'll go out some more depends on the couple they're there you know you don't engage non mature people I understand you don't give non mature people this kind of speed and dating but as long as they're mature enough and they're ready to go [Music] yeah you know she doesn't even know what sweater to put on she goes shopping she has a conniption like whether to buy this thing that thing like she shouldn't know what shoes match you know with this outfit she's gonna try this one that one but someone whose hearts been more protected and get everyone's hearts broken a thousand times but someone whose heart was less roadkill that stuff she's good at she may not know what to put on but when it comes to like vibrational connectivity she's good at that I mean even though I didn't eighteen year olds young and dumb no offense even though an eight-year-olds young and dumb like if some aspect of her was protected and therefore properly developed she's probably pretty darn good there I would guess that in some communities that an eight-year-old girl is is her hearts more developed for for allowing someone else to hold it then many many metropolitan areas of women in their 35 plus she's got more intuition still available to her of who would hold her heart best again she doesn't know what shoes to put on the 35 year olds you know she already knows her colors you know like she knows exactly what works for her she doesn't have that same crisis every time she goes shopping she just knows what works cuz a woman who's 35 she's in her body already like really lives inside her world unlike 18 year old so like just looks so random no offense so by the way you can go to there are people who will help you I don't know how much it costs my mother went to someone eventually in Los Angeles she went to someone who'd just like like she says these are your colors this these are the colors you buy and it was amazing it was like night and day how my mother looked once she went to someone who explained to her just based on her you know what what's some women someone wear prints that should never ever ever ever wear had printed outfit and then another person's wearing wearing solids who belongs in prints and so anyway but these are all things that are that you figure out after one and the end there but the heart the heart is when well-protected is excellent and knowing when it's right there's nothing wrong with asking for another date just to think it through and there's nothing wrong with asking some of the wisest people you know you know with whether you're on the right track yeah they're moral and hold my heart for sure okay so let's get back question is how do we communicate that we are safe how do we communicate we're safe so let's go into that a little bit this is gonna be a little more painful in my classes usually so I apologize in advance the the I'm not safe words meaning meaning that my heart's not safe to be held is is connected to it's connected to statements inner statements about yourself meaning meaning if you called me if you called me inarticulate do you think that would upset me No if you called me if you call me unlearn it I think that upset me it would yeah I've spent the last 27 years yes I studied Torah but I've spent most of them standing in front of people while my colleagues like good friends that have been with me all these years spend 6 8 10 12 hours a day studying Torah for all the 20 now this June is a junior for me any of the June will be 28 years I have friends who have not lifted their heads from the wisdom of the prophecy of Tara for 28 years we came together we learned olive base together and I spent all these years reaching out to my people my brother's my sisters my son's my daughters at this point and I have colleagues that you know serious Torah scholars in it it bothers me bothers me I made a big sacrifice and it also has affected my my family because my kids didn't see with all the other kids saw all the other kids saw their fathers in Tara and like a really big way and my father my kids saw rock star usually doesn't go well for kids of rock stars it happens to me that our house is he is a temple of emotional intelligence and so my kids are fine and I learned after the first seven years of marriage that rock stars not gonna be good so we're married this year we'll be married 25 years so I have I've healed this Rockstar business for last whatever 7 minus 25 is 18 years thank God so about your age is when I realized when you were born I realized that that this was not gonna work don't think becoming observant means you stop playing all your all your games it's easy to put on a keep up and still be because my biggest fear was social anxiety like what people think of me it was like it was everything to me it was like people should like me cuz as I said before we have to get in touch with the voices that's causing this so my voice inside was I guess in a nutshell was something like unacceptable and so I didn't feel safe I didn't feel safe because I didn't know if people would accept me but like rabbi Rockstar that seemed to work for a while and it would have kept working it's just I had a miracle is that mic : shutdown from the stress of every single class every single speaking engagement every single concert I was playing every but eventually these kinds of voices inside of us that the I'm not safe is triggering like there's a voice in there you have to get in touch with your voice my voice was unacceptable but you got to get in touch with what your voices inside but my eventually it will find a weak spot in your body my weak spot was my digestion and so it went after that spot some people goes after the low back some people that goes after the headaches that some people goes after other things right it's not just I'm not safe it's I'm not safe comes with it comes with a certain voice inside of you about you and it's really important to you that no one ever triggers that voice for some people it's has to do with like mine like what people think you from other people it has to do with your ability like you know like success or a failure other people it has to do with it has to do with your own autonomy meaning that you're in control of your own life I mean there's voices like I'm weak or I'm small or I'm I'm worthless or I'm I'm uh when I say worthless I mean like an object I'm an object I'm a victim I'm uh you got to know your voices you have to own the voice that's causing me I'm not safe everyone's got a different voice I mean I could right now and just list 20 like that you guys want to hear options of voices that caused the UM not safe when you're all the different options you got stupid ugly unlovable unwanted unworthy lost weak small victim incapable not as good as fill in the blank with someone like a sibling or a parent or something not good enough ill-equipped Schley Mazal doomed you realize we're all walking around with not just one of these ways that were many of us and I wouldn't ask you to raise your hand but how many people like yeah you know I let's just do it like this how many people identified with one with one be honest okay what are you wearing on your t-shirt I'm not say because anyone anyone at any time can just like touch that nerve and send you into a tailspin especially parents do I yeah I mean I guess it's 68 it becomes kind of humorous you'll miss the day he doesn't call you a loser yeah similar we got a seat for seeing him up here this acidic corner I always try to focus into my foot that's my version of a pizza so so let's get things like clear here I'm not Saif's about me it's radiating to others it's communicating that even though you'd never harm me don't get near me meaning people are being told basically stay away from you you know don't get near me cuz you're radiating ultimately that you're not safe for them even though you are cuz it's really you're the one feeling not safe it's just and that's what's that's what the message coming across that message is really becoming coming across because because you are not safe because anything can trigger the voice inside your head about yourself that you truly believe now that here's the next thing is that are any of the that long list I did 15 different adjectives about ourselves and are any of those true any of those true and yeah have you ever seen an ugly person 19 you there are uniquely ugly people but how often you get to find one you know if you walked up and down Ben Yehuda Street where the lots of people my Mila mall yeah I'm not sure you'd find one but I mean if I get to see one cuz I've every day I ride back up the train tracks back to not hello so like eventually I see one and make a broth oh no there's breakfast when you make a broth on like uniquely strange people I made a broth last week there was I saw I made a broth huh I just couldn't remember the Brooklyn so I asked her to hold still and I ran into a shore grabbed a sitter don't move just kidding anyway you guys make that broad emission ambria's that God makes the broth in Hebrew which is going to show you how awesome even the crazy looking person is like the real freaky looking people how awesome they are is that we have Abraha Baruch Hashem hell okay no melech ha-olam we use god's name for this brother and then we say mission a hub ryote that he makes unique individuals sometimes sometimes he makes someone really unique I saw someone I saw someone a couple years ago that had it was a with full-sized legs meaning full size legs I'm not sure their hips were even maybe even higher than mine and and so like the feet to the hips were higher than the whole body of the person the body would be like going up to my hips and then the head was right here it was a that got planted on full-size human legs and that was for sure that was a brothel Mehadrin yeah that was a Mehadrin brothel but but God makes unique individuals everybody is really that unique individual now and by the way there's a great movie called Beauty and the Beast which I never saw is probably based on a book which I never read but I think it's about a very beautiful woman and a beast meaning a guy but he looks like Minnie he was born all deformed he was what's that yep anybody was deformed or whatever but she saw only the beauty in that person and I'll tell you another thing that's quite amazing is just switch seats for saying I'll tell you something else very amazing is um this is a really cool thing is people get married when they're young people get married when they're young stay married to that young person their whole life it's really cool it's really cool it's amazing it was just the strangest thing I mean my wife and I like we were married 25 years and every time I look at my wife she's the exact woman I married that day it's the weirdest and she sees it too like we don't get it like that we've aged 25 years because when you're staring at that same person every day you stay with that person and it's amazing I always feel bad for Billy sometimes the people gain you know their divorce and they're dating and they're like looking for someone in their 40s and but they're like really meeting people in their forties we're meeting people in their 50s and they're sensing that age when you get married young and and by the way when I say you can get married young I mean even someone getting married in their 30s and marrying someone like the aged locks in for the rest of your lives it just locks in for the rest rest of it the time by the way the greatest thing for looking young forever though is to love yourself like you know how much people spend on like makeup and like plastic surgery and hair color and like you know as they age they could save so much money all they got to do is like spend a couple grand going to personal transformation workshops go to all the top gurus in the world if you're sitting go to mind cuz I don't know if you wanna because the only way to grow in these things is you have to totally surrender to the process which means you're really surrendering it to the seminar leader which is like if you actually care about your mental real estate it's better that the person leading it is kosher if you're observant like very observant people I've are very careful what goes in their head but if you're not that careful well there's some great leaders out there go put yourselves in there go put yourselves on the altar it will cost you that couple grand will save you could save you tens of thousands of dollars cuz someone who loves themselves just like shines they're just beautiful people beautiful good I could take you to people in their 80s 90s here in your reliant and they're just the most beautiful people you ever saw they're just radiating light forever but you got it got a break for your stuff and it's a great savings amazing savings you gotta spend the money in advance to get you know like an international standard trainer to get you to the point of crying out the voice in your head because that voice didn't come from nowhere did it the voice in your head that has you not save it may not be true it may not be true it may be totally false but it's true for you because of wherever that thing came from and unfortunately it seems to be that the only way out of it is a insane totally intense convulsive cry which like like wins last night you had an intense totally insane convulsive cry from literally from the depths of when you've got that inner voice to begin with I think one's let me get that like never last night I was in a restaurant and I was I took a group of group of men from Mexico out to dinner in and but we had a private room in there and I was leading meditation since it was all candlelit super deep experience anyway at one point in one of the meditations I just felt there was presence in the room and I opened up my eyes and I saw I guess I see them were here for log balling there who it must have been eating that restaurant must have seen me like kept walking into that room anyway when they finished their meal they all came and took seats in this candlelit room for this meditation anyway after the meditation turns out that that the woman was a personal growth person herself she someone who does personal growth work with people and she's really gotten somewhere with it and she said to me that she's always wanted to do my program but but she said can't I love myself without going into like compulsive fetal position crying my guts out and I looked at her and I was like no no you can't which is really bizarre that for all of us to get our breakthrough to like get to who we really are I mean it sounds so bizarre and it sounds like far-fetched but raise your hands here if you've ever been in a situation where you were in a group of some lead experience where you got to go to the full volcanic like full volcanic convulsive sobbing out the voices in your head about yourself region if anyone's ever done that okay there's about five of us is it after four hi everybody too dramatic of an entrance hi mom you're on Facebook not me okay it's not faced with tourney time YouTube Facebook and I told you you just give it back to him even don't even talk to him that's what I do I just take things back and don't answer the calls until they call me back with it ready in conclusion by the way by the way I'm not asking everyone here to do that right now especially not asking me here everyone here to do that what I am saying is that you're saved the voices in your head about yourself that you're afraid people are gonna trigger are not based in any truth should you do a bunch of work on that for sure definitely to work on that but I am telling you right now that this is something anyone can do and if you found yourself to be over here somewhere over there you can add your way closer to the earth you can move this direction you can move that way and as you move oops wrong way sorry if you find yourself over here you can move your way in this direction as of immediately like you can do this immediately be friendly and connective talk to strangers often there's all kinds of exercise I don't have time now because I realize now I blew my time but one example alone talk to strangers often it's really good for you talk to strangers there's another there's many other tips of what to do but the but you can actually start celebrating with people and enjoying people and expose yourself a little bit and allow yourself to be held and you'll be shocked to see that you're going with really old recordings inside your head that will not be valid once you let someone hold your heart a little bit and even a little bit like stranger obviously you're not gonna let them hold your heart a lot but a little I really enjoyed my flight back yesterday today from JFK I shared genuinely and the person sitting next move was not planning to talk to me at all sure genuinely after a while it was really nice and in the morning in the morning it was a 77 year old lady her husband had a bottle fall out of the overhead compartment he was sitting like another cup another area of the plane another cabin and had to be rushed to emergency when we landed and everything she needed somebody this lady she needn't get to see him he was like they came out and rushed him out first obviously she was with him during the thing but she had a crisis she had someone with her during that crisis because because I was able to share genuinely until she was able to show you you only hours before the bottle and her husband's head share your life share your life you're pretty safe you're pretty safe saw me [Music]