Rabbi Yom Tov Glaser - How To Love Without Getting Hurt

so I'm welcome to practical spirituality here in Asia tour in the old city of jerusalem overlooking the Temple Mount please subscribe to my youtube page as well as which is rabbi Yom Tov as well as our club which is yom tov media club calm going to Ianto media club.com and health people see and hear and feel and be touched by the wisdom of Torah from Jerusalem show them everybody today we're gonna talk about how to have it love without getting hurt and how to make sure you don't hurt others so amazingly we learned so much from the kaabah laws explanation of how God creates the world now how God creates the world is what are called the ten spheres the whole entire creation it comes into being through these ten beams so meaning God is 110 as many and that one is kind of like squeezes itself through like it would be like if you had a balloon full of water and then you poked into holes in it and squeeze the water out so that those ten those ten spouts is how one becomes many because you ever thought about this how does a one God create a world of multiplicity how do you do that and the answer is via the ten sphero's now those ten spirits if the whole world's made of those sense figure us well that has a lot of implications and and if the whole world's made of those ten Spheeris wouldn't you say you should know them can anyone raise their hand and who knows all ten Spheeris good for you and what else are you saying they know intense fear us so you need to know all tense verse I'm not gonna give you all ten spheres today but you need to know the ten sparrows and you need to know which each what each one is now if I wouldn't mind the next time I teach class to give you all ten spheres and if you really want I could do it today but we'll only be able to touch on how to love without getting hurt so I'll get out showing of hands who wants and like the simplest careful is perfect simple like clear-cut ten spheres who wants to know how to love without getting hurt yeah you guys win so so so it works like this you'll at least know you're gonna know four of these sphero's and four you will know and I think we'll use blue and green and you'll see a black here and so it's like this there are the two main ones you need to know is there's flow which is called press it that's all these different languages here which is flow and and then we have structure um did I read stricture I'm so sorry I meant the word limit limitation which is the word humor uh and the word Hebrew is written like this goober ah okay so let's start with this piston and Gomorrah are how everything exists but everything like for example this phone's got a cable what's what's the electricity doing it's it's flowing it's super give all right that electricity is flowing in but is it flowing in it like a thousand volts no is it flowing in at 220 volts no blow my phone up it's got a little converter over there that's why it's not like a regular plug when you plug in a USB plug it's usually a thicker thing because it converts it down to I don't know how many volts anyone know how many volts our phones need to charge 12 volt something why 5 volts whatever less volts you don't want to you don't want 220 volts going into your phone that's for sure you know oh it would charge really quick and then it'd be totally unusable for forever you just how many five anyway thanks for keep googling things as we go I always appreciate the Google guy it was amazing by the way when when when God created Google it was amazing how honest public speakers had to get I mean we were good like getting nailed all the time sh-sh rabbis we're a little soft when Google came in meaning only when it hit the smartphone level I mean once it was even class with us and people had smartphones with Google suddenly we were like people raising their hand nowadays you don't see it happen in those days people used to raise their hand all the time and just say rabbi I don't know where you're getting your information but there's about 10 websites in a row let's say the opposite the rabbit is like don't so so anyway we've learned our lessons and sharpened up ours are facts and figures now I'm not the fact figure rabbi so I didn't have to deal with that as much as some other rabbits but but whatever when I do mention a factor a figure I appreciate a Google guy in the room so anyway so what's going in is flow but what would you call that little box that's taking it from 220 down to 5 what would you call that it's flower structure sorry floral imitation yeah it's limiting it down bringing it down would you say in relationships it's important to have flow for sure what would you call love limitation or flow for sure it's flow yeah but what if you overflow in your interactions with people people get hurt yeah you're funny guy and that is exactly it goes all the way amazing that love turns to violence love's turns to violence well it all depends on the receiver obviously which is you know that's the whole complication of sexual harassment cases is he claims you know she wanted it he says she says no Heidi and and the craziest thing is that is that in court they'll show 10 cases where she didn't have the same exact scenario and was perfectly happy about it the guy having to look very differently but it was also the same night she met him so it was the same exact circumstance just a different looking guy you hear what's going on so it's like so is he busted the answer is yes he is busted cuz he didn't catch the signals the no signals but she wasn't very good at no signals cuz she's used to yes signals just with a different guy that's why you see these kids are never simple they're very complicated cases and this is what like this is a good way to get really unpopular during the me 2 era some very unpopular and I'm getting I only got what I just said from Jordan Peterson of course who's willing to say stuff in the me to era but he's absolutely right it it's been proven over and over and over again that the that the girl fighting that side of the case you know against a guy the answer was yes many many times and it was proven to be so and so in so it's like now she wants to kill this guys now it's character assassination time for the guy who missed the no signals by the way those other guys were gonna be solving those signals to hey don't you in the end there were yes signals you know they they also miss the nose there's nothing like alcohol to help a guy miss no signals you know alcohol turns all the knows India's in the bar scene so anyway so love is love is flow but you better limit it if you want to make sure that love that flow is what effective it's got to be effective limited too much that's not very effective cuz you can't even you don't even sense the love you know even sense the full don't limit it at all you scare people away people get hurt you get hurt is why most people get burned by their first relationship that's usually the one that burns the most good they didn't know how to limit it he didn't know where to put the brakes on it just felt so good that they just like put their whole heart before the before it was safe to do so you know and this is why traditional cultures including the Jewish culture meaning the observant Jewish culture knows that you don't give your heart to nobody without an insurance policy on your wedding finger if you're not wearing a wedding band there's no heart given over no tickee no Washee yeah you know here if you until you got the insurance policy on your finger you're not given nothing of your heart which is a very painful thing you know I really think they should roll back the age of girls getting married back to 12 and 14 again you know how is it oh you're looking at it like that's funny it's not funny it's true go look at go Google that would tell us what's the average age of marriage in Ghana okay Ghana Africa average age mr. Google over there I'll handle that you can go to Iran - its same number in Iran yeah Iran you know wrong y'all heard of Iran you know all those Persian girls we meet they would have been married they would be grandmothers by the time they're in university you know this girls it's still in Iran like the Jewish women in Iran get married between 12 and 14 today the Jewish girls of Iran you know there's a whole German community there that's when you get married it makes sense you know what kind of guy can afford what kind of guy can afford a 19 year old girl my goodness it's expense I got it I've got several girls in that range and whoa my gosh and I just can't imagine what my bills are gonna be in the next week or two before Passover because in the observing community you buy you buy your Shabbos gear twice a year you buy right before a Passover and then each day of called a mode you get to wear your Papa's outfits each day of the week you got a brand you know another half in each day and then you wear that all summer on Shabbos you know what outfit at night when out for the day Shabbos each job is you don't wear the same outfits every Chavez it makes sense then comes circus a whole new wardrobe of outfits for circus you wear the same you wear a different outfit every at night in the morning of so kiss and then that's your outfit still pay so when you get new outfits for pace off did you girls neck rub that way you grab that we didn't you yeah all the observant girls here you guys grew up that way yeah so so I mean it depends out Froome you grew up if you wrote very fruit that's how it goes you know especially if you have a big family because his know no one has and nobody got money for that tennis shopping all year but certainly once or twice twice a year you can maybe handle it and no one can afford a 19 year old girl unless you're married to her and then you can barely afford her and and if you're wondering about secular people they only have one kid so you can afford it but when you have a slew of kids you know you have a whole cachet of children the you must marry them off young cuz they only get more expensive as they go and who can afford such a thing and so the answer is you get them married and let someone else afford them that's how it works it's been nothing but bad news for you ladies that you know have to wait and you know it's gonna screw up your marriage badly if you give your heart before it you give before you meet your husband and give him your heart which you're only gonna give after the hook-up until you meet that man and give your heart you realize already you're gonna screw up your marriage badly if you give your heart to anyone before that it's clear you know you're you that guy is going to bed his wedding night with you Plus whomever else you let in your heart I'm not saying you get him your body but you at least get in your heart and so why should this man who's just like sacrificed marrying every girl in the world for you have to share your heart with anybody and here's the guy who took the plunge this is the guy who invested he's the one who went all the way with you why should he share your heart with anybody else but we all know that once you've given your heart to somebody it don't come back now you might have other you might have leftover heart I mean hearts a big thing you have a lot of relationships with a heart but you meaning there's there's always sure I am there's always leftovers by the way and can I just ask you is that a new outfit that top you're wearing my wife told me that all the tops being offered this year for the girls are a hippie style have you noticed that have you been this chops have you guys noticed that it's gone kind of hippie now for the Froome girls I didn't know it is all news to my wife as well and so it's really a sight that all my daughter's gonna be just as hippies at the Passover Seder I mean this is gonna be it's gonna be really cool Seder these designers I mean it's such a conspiracy because think about it once everything goes hippie none of your outfits are gonna work you know you're gonna have to and you're not gonna save your outfit and what are you gonna put in a suitcase and like in storage so back those clothes going somewhere and and then they'll just drop the hippie thing like a hot potato in like three years from now none of your outfits work again it's crazy so by the way all the compliments on your hippie outfit so what was i someone just was saying something that was a mean saying something you had a question same thing no difference big time yeah except guys can't be trusted with this subject girls could say no all I'm telling the girls here to say no yeah the guys need a cold shower for sure you should be taking a cold shower but but as long as girls say no or in good shape so anyway you got you got the idea of flow and limitation here when it comes to relationships now you need to know two more spheres two more spheres and the next Fira and by the way you're already be already gonna be four out of ten which is almost half the Spheeris you have okay so everyone's got these two and and oh remember before I said everything's going on this way and then I got V I given two examples so far relationships and then I spoke about the power in the cable and the you know the power here so what would you call the glass bulb that these lights are coming through what's the bulb limitation or flow limitation what about the filament that's shooting the light out that's flow you get that when this when this these walls that have these this wallpaper on it this really cool kind of psychedelic Paisley's or whatever these things are over here when those were piece goods when those were like you know just in rolls would you call that flow or limitation flow for sure and then when they cut it for these panels what would you call that limitation this glass was molten glass over here in our windows yeah this glass for the window here was this was molten glass at one point floor limitation it went into a mold what's that limitation it's literally every single thing this was a tree here this was a trees in the grain of your table floor limitation well and then they chopped it down limitation and then planed it limitation the metal inside the frames of these where these this was molten metal in inside of something that limits it and it's also no no it's but then it finally became a frame which limits the table from falling on the floor yeah its limit stops the table holds the tape anything you will ever look at everything you'll ever see is going to be flow and limitation there is nothing else and females limitation and male is flow say no more okay but that but this is happening absolutely everywhere and you yourself have flow and limitation going on all the time you have tubes in your body which are flow you have ducts that bowels that close and open which your limitation for example you have a esophagus and then there's a there's a muscle down there called it's a it's the esophagus sphincter that that only allows food down but will not let it up unless of course someone's ill so God created it that it has the ability to release poison if someone were to be poisoned and of course people with heartburn is someone who's sphincters lost their sphincter muscle has lost its its strength and so it's not closing properly and so the gases of the foods coming up or even the food itself if they're in a more severe case of that which is an emotional disease by the way it's something that you can work on emotionally and cure but if someone doesn't work on the emotions they're gonna be stuck on antacids for the rest of their lives and doctors will tell you that it's incurable but when you deal with the emotions that are causing that that syndrome and if you're wondering what that emotion is in case someone's watching this who deals with heartburn the emotion is I'm sure there's more than one but one for short is is is rejection but specifically in a public kind of public like more like character assassination style meaning I mean you're being called out you know public kind of way maybe you've put yourself too far out on a limb career-wise or maybe you've made some moves that have left you feeling very exposed and then of course someone came to like you know so to speak ill you at least your what's word your reputation that you feel your reputations not just on the line but under attack that will that is a one of the lead causes of acid indigestion and in other words the sphincter will lose its its strength and so yeah but but simply by doing the inner work to overcome the that emotional state you know panic cuz it's really a panic state which is why it hits that area I'm that panic state of having one's reputation destroyed is which could be just a fear but that it will the strength of that muscle will return they will get back in strength and the acid indigestion will go away okay so that's flow and limitation now the next character trait that we need to know is called and the word literally is beauty oh it's literally beauty but it's not really beauty there's no real translation for it but in English it's called teeth in Hebrew it's called teeth Ferris I guess now I'm doing Hebrew up here to Ferris and and the word to Ferris it doesn't mean bounce but you'll see that its function is members okay but it really means beauty and and it doesn't actually have any transition at all but but maybe functionally it works with balancing but now I'm gonna tell you what - Ferris is let's practice this word by the way I'm gonna say to Ferris if you're Sephardic you can say to ferret just fine um so so far we got tested I would say kiss it Guevara into Ferris so if there's a very simple thing what - Ferris does is it looks down at V maybe I'll put a circle around each just to cover it so what what happens is - Ferris looks down at the 10th attribute which is called which is called Mao host which is the recipient okay which the word Mullis which in English is like this if you're Sephardic it's fine to say my mouth won't probably be better and what happens is to ferrous looks and make an arrow and green it looks to mouthfuls Malthus tells Guevara how much Guevara to use to make sure that the flow is flowing okay so I'll make I'll explain that super quickly and is the recipient of let's say look so I want to make sure that I'm being loving to every single person I meet how loving what's that gonna depend on what's that depend on depends on their how loving I'm gonna be to any person is gonna depend on the receiver of the love and when I meet that person it's gonna tell limitation or guevara how much limitation would be the appropriate mental limitation so that the love flows that I'm loving is a given I'm gonna be living it everybody I'm gonna be loving to people I don't even like and what I'm gonna do is look at that recipient and then limit it exactly the right amount so that the person that I'm loving receives it not just once but forever so for example there are men in this classroom who you know if I were to say hi to any of these if I were say hi to any of these men in here so let's say I meet this meet this man here what my name is John so I meet Ellie we're cool right I hope it wasn't too much to shake your hand but it's all never too much to shake man's head you know once in a while you meet a man who's like you can see the guys just got major social anxiety and you do better it'd be better to just say nice to me is you know like freaking out so you can tell this guy's like freaking out for some reason he's good social anxiety know if I'm meeting this lady over here hi what's your name now what did I do it I shake her hand now would it have been appropriate would have been inappropriate who was the recipient when I met this guy what's his name Haley when I met Ellie what was appropriate a handshake now you see my hands on the shoulder what am I being right now what am I being right that's comfortable I'm being loving being loved it when it came to Rocco she got about no offense but but the recipient the recipients a woman and in Judaism were really careful between when it comes to flow and limitation we're really careful to always make sure we're in T ferret t ferrets the goal you want to always make sure you're living inside T ferrets and D ferret is to keep the flow and the structure balanced in the way that you can actually have an ongoing relationship because when I love it I'm loving forever like you can you can come to me 20 years from now today and I'm gonna treat you like a king and tell you you can maybe 20 years ago and I'm gonna treat you like a queen had I shook your hand you're never coming back you'd be like that was so inappropriate that was crazy and I'm not shaking your hand you know it'd be like a big laser but it was a little awkward cuz like I stuck out my hand and he just kind of left me hanging now you getting what's going on here how do you love without getting hurt the wait love without getting hurt is that you always check out your recipient and make sure the recipient is well then people are given all kinds of signals with body languages and stuff gender is an easy one don't touch that simple enough you know they every every recipients giving signals of what is the appropriate amount of flow it tells how much you should limit and then all your relationships are at that are you ready for this all your relationships are at the peak of love peak of connectivity my relationships are peak connectivity all the time they're always a peak connectivity because the second someone trusts me more like for example a student like I get you know I have students at age and so like Joseph you're here for the year so he's here for the year we met I mean we met him at before but I feel like we met yesterday because we had that whole interaction so so I promise you this guy's gonna be getting a hug within like a month or two we're gonna be in hug mode because shaking hands would be less than we're worth you get what I'm saying like and I'm always a peak I meant peak relationship with everybody and so he's gonna be hitting hug mode real hell you know I can get in handshake I don't care if it's 20 years from now yeah you can marry my son and I'm not shaking your hand yeah there was in the peak will always be that I will be available if you need me I'm gonna you know I'm there for people I'm really gonna be you know totally there for people but the amount of interactions always gonna be limited in a way such that it will last forever peak amount lasting forever and nobody gets hurt that's a very respectful way to deal with people you get how respectful it is cuz what's the whole basis of everything what's the basis of all of this recipient so you're always testing the water the recipients easily this is this appropriate just appropriate or no it's this person someone's wife this person could it be someone's wife you know has this person been hurt before let's say I mean thank God you know sis from a good space but let's say got you mind if I use an example let's say god forbid you had been hurt before yeah there was some kind of trauma that took place where there was betrayal involves you trusted someone you got hurt and so my job would be to sense that and not get to the hug stage for another four five months remember I mentioned two months so if he had been hurt I'm gonna move push that out to five months because the recipients the recipients been through stuff and therefore I'm gonna slow down what speak love is gonna be on a much slower schedule for someone who's been hurt before get that you know how that works so so my recipient here can't handle what on another person in two months is the right schedule for that person might be five and this also goes for people marry people with trauma it's like you know you'd think like okay you know we're married man they were like 300 witnesses give me everything you know give me your heart but first a person who has suffered trauma is what their my nose ie that they're married their heart doesn't get that they're safe and it's going to take time and that's okay but you give them the space until until they're ready you know you can't force a rose to open up its petals you have to you have to give that roses since that it's in the right environment to get vulnerable like that in open up its petals to you Khalif you do me a favor I just had my guitar like right outside the door there I just want to show another example of this um it was right out there you can probably find Nick Meyers somewhere in one of these rooms oh it's there above thank you thank you so much so I'll just give you an example of two Faris everything I've done here remember I said this is going on in a hole thank you so much it's going on in all things at all times so watch this you're gonna you're not gonna believe because you're all right now your minds are kind of in relationship mode so watch this check it out man invented guitar keys one day they don't have to do a full yogic position to get your guitar case open I almost like don't play my guitar sometimes because like in the middle of teaching and then I gonna [Music] whatever I'm not gonna turn it right now but the ads tune enough now you might be ready for a head let's do a peasant now you see the string oscillating can you guys see the vibration on that string okay that strings in full oscillation right now okay now I'm gonna put all the strings in full flow okay I'm gonna let them all do their ultimate maximum oscillation now look there's a bridge here that's a bridge right there in that white bridge and then there's a bridge here and the strings net those are the bridges and so they hold the strings based on the tuning of the knobs that mr. text so they they bridges thank you sir so the bridges are holding that string at a certain oscillation factor okay like for example this one's 440 oscillations per second you see the vibration that's oscillating at 440 oscillation say now here's each of the strings in full oscillation tell me how it sounds [Applause] [Music] nice is that tea ferrous not to ferrous what is it because it isn't good or destructive in this particular example yeah its destructive piss its destructive in almost every example we already discussed relationships how dangerous that could be how about a tsunami what attribute is it tsunami it says it normally there's a sure there's a shoreline that keeps the water at bay and and the balance between the oceans and the cities on the coast line all right you know the recipients obviously the city and the balance is like it's in two fares that's why we love beach town since like you got this powerful thing and then this vulnerable City and everything's fine except sometimes Hesed goes crazy and the guevara doesn't know what to do with itself it's a total power surge of water and you know six hundred thousand people were killed a couple years ago in Southeast Asia when the namsan hence it's always destructive guevara is important to make sure essence actually effective tea Ferris is what contains all of this know just remind me the word faucet later okay after okay now this is for flow nice or yucky yucky okay who's the recipient in this room you are you're the recipient so you guys are mouth philostrate now you're the Mississippi and and so I look at this crowd so I see it's a pretty young crowd there for something loud and rocking might be appropriate and then I take my fingers and make a new bridge I'm rebuilding bridges here you see how this bridge holds the strings but if I put my fingers here pretty yucky but if I add these ones [Music] maybe this one too so now I've limited the flow of the strings to a certain oscillation based on the recipients of the room who maybe just want to meditate [Music] and so I'm allowing the e to flow [Music] it's kind of like a drone holding down the bottom [Music] and you get beauty because I'm looking at the recipients I'm saying oh I'm leading a meditation today okay [Music] and so I'm limiting that flow based on these little temporary bridges that I'm building with my left hand limiting the flow based on the recipient and then you hear beauty but it might be wearing like a more aggressive Oh and that would be appropriate sometimes sometimes that's appropriate cuz we're gonna like get some aggression how music like moves us all kinds of ways so we gotta like get some aggression yeah and try this everyone repeat after me especially the men so the ladies can do a little bit ready look into why people look into let's try it again go loud seriously so this comes out cool here you know if we'll do it like this now I'm gonna really get you guys didn't flip okay ready looking [Music] anyway but I think you're getting the picture that there's like hessen cavort going on everywhere but you want to be into Ferris so like you're a nice young crowd you like the end of the line song maybe you know maybe that that works for you thank you give me a time check by the way what it's after 4:00 yeah well I was just gonna give the faucet example is the faucet when you're let's say you've got a garden of newly planted vegetation so the recipients newly planted vegetation the knob is - Ferris the valve inside the faucet which has an aperture D there opens all the way or closes all the way that's why that's kabura and what's always there just like love it's always there the flowing water now you're when you're plant seeds you don't want a ton of flow cuz it'll wash away the earth and and everything's going into the gutter mmm that was no good if you've got if you've got if your seeds have already taken root so pumpkins more water like I'll turn it up because the recipients are well grounded their will you know they've reached there they're getting their solid you know they're Rudy now I just want to mention one more thing is that when people some people have these damage their flow or their limits were damaged so so some people have to be work people have to heal sometimes these two things flow and flow and limitation have to get healed sometimes if there was damaged there because limitation can be damaged people's flow can be damned so we spoke about before heartbreak from having put one's heart into a relationship before they got a wedding band on their finger so now they're they're gonna have limitation way high even though they got finally married somebody but limitations way high and flow is it a low because of the because the damage done there so you also got to be wary of damage yeah um I just want to mention that this class well just a couple things one is please subscribe to my youtube channel and secondly is to join the club though you know what I didn't do it I'm gonna take everyone in the club to Hawaii for like half a year I don't know what I'm gonna do for the club but I will do something and in the but the please join the club grab a what is called yom tov yom tov media club.com yom Tomita club.com please join the club and also lastly is lastly is Oh two more things I feed families every Pesach so anyone would like to help feed the families but specifically today is for us guys is this rabbit comes and brings food to a family every week so he comes on Thursdays in this class feeds the family so if you got changed it'll buy drinks if you have something that folds it'll buy fish or meat or whatever and it's really nice thing to do and you go into Shabbos knowing you've helped feed a family so that's the rabbi he'll he'll help with that and anyone who would like to help families in Jerusalem they're literally already knocking on my door for Passover because they got it anything a family of 10 it doesn't matter how good the kid the guys job is he could run a school he could be working in a school he could be doing any kind of job good luck affording 10 new pairs of shoes under scim once once he's bought every kid their shoes because they've just warned them you wear the shoes from sokka's all the way to pay something the kids are growing so there's no every kid needs shoes that's temper issues that's already his entire month's salary as those choose that's before he bought Massa or anything else for that matter so you got the idea so so please please everyone kick down for helping out families in Jerusalem you should know I give more generously when people come to me for Pesach I give more generously for people who are trying to help themselves it's probably my mistake maybe I should be helping people who don't themselves too but I generally help people who help themselves and so but again I'm really helping people are trying to help themselves just that who can afford this and so we're pumping it out building the settlement of Israel and the way we help build Israel is by helping these families make pacem so please feel free to join in the campaign feeding families for Lisa hello everybody