Rabbi Yom Tov Practical Spirituality: Why You Love Chaos

I always do that Shalom and welcome to Asia Tara here in the old city this class is called practical spirituality and it is in the Old City of Jerusalem overlooking the Temple Mount and sighting times we even have people off the wall Tay it's just great anyone else off the wall anyone else got here off the wall I fall I'm meeting someone someone said hey you Jewish or you want to hear a class new you guys are off the wall guys today so it's especially welcome you know why because if you get if you somehow wound up from down there up to you here did you do the stairs or the elevator if you went up from down there up to here it means God's got your address more than the person standing next to you and it was orchestrating events and this class is entitled why you love chaos some of us are are kind of freaked out by the new year because we're such chaos junkies that we just don't want to know hear of chaos we were hoping this year might like come out a little more balanced a little more orderly a little more you know functional or whatever but what we're discussing today is our addiction to chaos le mayor you want to sit next to this guy like that spot a lot if you know if you don't mind something that I prefer but you can sit wherever you want anyway the what is this addiction to chaos such that we I mean raise your hand in the room if you sabotage the order of your life regularly anyone hears sabotage the order of the life regular that's like most of you I wasn't even expecting that I figured maybe half of you sabotage the order of your life and I'm the same too I literally I don't know if I've ever had three days come out the same and I'm talking to like major activities like stuff you would expect me to be there cuz it's like part of hi and welcome back it's like you would expect me to be there there's a nice spot right here in the middle either here or in there so anyway but I will sabotage it when I get to that third day I will get my own way and make sure that somehow I changed it up in some in some way or another and personally it bothers me but I see I do it and it must be I love chaos somehow Scouse serves me and so I'd like to talk about a little bit about what is this addiction and chaos we have and it's not just us you know the would you think of like a financial guy who is like running a big you know fund or or you know it met in you know Midtown or downtown Manhattan and he's like you know got the suits just right and like the haircuts just right and he's got it all buttoned up what do you say he's more into order and we're into chaos sounds like an order guy right yeah you go watch this guy during the year he makes all these crazy bets on the stock market that literally put his his hears every investor that's investing with him in jeopardy and what's hot ladies welcome welcome he puts he puts he puts all of his investors in jeopardy he's putting his wife and kids in jeopardy now he looks like mr. put together I mean this guy is you know he he actually reports properly at the end of the year to his accountants and you know he's got everything buttoned up probably more than you do yet he is addicted to chaos come here a soundbite at least not you I was talking to rap this rabbi here Hado rabbi what's up I was talking about our addiction to chaos oh wow oh my god is that your daughter even though the married ones a grandkid yeah that's the dog yeah you're not that old yeah I it's I'm eight I made her begged him to come in with because when I got to Israel with my long hair like at a hundred of these coming my back so actually have a picture of the two of us on my phone you gave that to Manny anyway this case this case saved my life one of the people Samuel Sam sent me but anyway welcome welcome so we're talking about chaos and how we love Cass and I was even saying that a guy a stock trader who seems like the most put together and you know guy in the world is constantly going into Cass and loves it loves it couldn't live without it and you know he should be doing maybe a little more responsible job with the money that people are investing in him but yet he'll take risks he'll put it all on the line over and over again cuz he loves it in other words we're addicted to chaos well chaos has a big history when it comes to creation in fact what is the very beginning of the Torah say in the beginning what was there Tohu vivo had he translate that in English chaos it started with chaos and what was that chaos well when you ask the Kabbalists it was darkness and light were mixed it was a mixture of darkness in life and when God said let there be light I know you were all thinking there was no light and then there was light no what it means is that the darkness light were mixed in chaos and God said let there be light he's separated light from the darkness to make order and our world of order is ultimately a relationship of darkness and light because God's obviously light in this world you know if they're like the light over here this this is light and that's filtering light with darkness I'm creating darkness but when you use darkness and light together it creates an image so by blocking light we actually get the image on the board so the darkness and light are very important things and and it's hard to tell which one exactly skansen which ones order because light just kind of goes and goes and goes and when something expands it creates chaos and darkness creates order out of camp when you're watching a film which is ultimately like going through the cells so those cells are creating order because we know a film is just watching light on the screen would be and the purest form of chaos it's just pure light that's expanding out of the projector but by limiting that light with some darkness you now have and you can enjoy the film experience which is chaos and order in relationship chaos is where you grow order is where you feel safe think about it the more orderly your life is the safer you feel so order has a place it feels safe chaos has a place because we grow there you won't grow from order you just don't grow there one of the couple things people love to do for example travel how many are traveling right now are how many earth anyone here traveling right now traveling okay that's chaos you're creating chaos and you actually spent money on it you actually invested your money and time for chaos cuz you never know what's gonna happen when you travel all there's a lot more variables one gift great Rebbe said that then it's a mitzvah to travel or be Nachman said there's some in sort of travel why because it gives God a lot more variables to play with so he can be involved with you in ways that he probably couldn't even be involved with you in your like regular Bermuda triangles of like home work gym or homework cafe where you get your coffee you know it's a very limited amount of variables once you start traveling God can just pull out all kinds of crazy things and and you grow a lot from the chaos of the travel yeah so that's already like dysfunctional relationship to Cass meaning when we're afraid to look inside because of the caste that could bring and you ever felt that way like you just don't want to open it up you know you don't want to go in there because it's going to be chaos oh I see what you're saying sorry I was going much deeper than that yeah Cass can can be a distraction from from looking inside and then they wound up not growing yeah yeah that's that's pretty pretty dysfunctional which what I said the first time when I misunderstood him but it's only getting worse the the you know I I run a program where my whole job is to put everyone in the programming chaos I have to put them in Cass and the men's group usually like by the end of the week I've got them all back to order the women's group when I run a women's group I'm just like by the end of the week I've now sent them off into an orbit of cast that will last maybe up to three months or something a serious cast but that's where we grow and I warn them by the way in the very entry say you're going into chaos now and and I also commend them for the courage to go into chaos because if you want to grow in your life you're gonna need chaos now here's something interesting is that institutions are about order or Cass institutions it's pretty easy question total order and they're like they're gonna impose order and keep out chaos and which can be very harmful for individuals because tell me if you run an organization or an institution you want people to be more the same or more individualistic as same you want to sleep well you want everyone to be as the same as possible and so they're trying to create sameness institutions generally try to create sameness now have you ever met two people the same there's no such thing as two people so there's no such thing as sameness and so while they're busy creating order its it can be and on the at the expense of true education because what would if you were educating someone are you trying to bring out who they are or are you trying to create them into something you want okay very good but but you but you're ultimately trying to bring out you're trying to draw them out right there's a lot of education system they're trying to hold you in you get that anyone here raise your hand have you ever felt like your education system was trying to keep you in now it's easy for you to judge those education systems but you go try being a what do they call a min ha hell someone from hell okay you go try being you go try being an administrator and sleep at night so it's very interesting that it's a tremendous challenge to run an organization that's there to educate people which means to bring out what's special within them while at the same time keeping your organization together because individuals are what make you lose sleep this is a fun institution that's changed a lot since you were here in that in that chaos was like what it was all about you know like and we just had so every single person was his own little universe and it just was building for that and what was really useful for that was you never had to worry about their parents because their parents hated the fact that their kid was studying in Israel so you didn't have to please anyone they're already extremely displeased so you know who's your client who was your client the student or the parents the student getting you don't even know the parents parents like would wouldn't even call you they hate you or something for having their kids studying in Israel and that the problem is is when you have an education system which is all the other education systems and we've morphed our way over there to is when you actually have parents sending to you who's the client the student are the parents who's the who's the true client the parents are the client well that's gonna be pretty dangerous well I don't want to say we're dangerous but that's not going to be a good recipe for education like if you're in a school you want to be the client you want your parents to be the client you want to be the client you're the one in there but if you if the administration spending all their time trying to make sure the parents never get called meaning did I just say that that the parents never call to complain like what the world's going on over there you know so then what happens is you're not really educating you're just keeping everybody in line so that you never have to hear from parents hear that it's a really important we identify our clients okay so the bottom line is we love chaos but do we need order yeah we need order we love Cass we need order and you you ever felt that feeling where things were to cadogan you really had to come back to order you might feel that while traveling like it's just like enough like I want to get back to my my routine cuz it's just too much I felt that big time after the the holidays after the holidays you know I was throwing big parties and it was like yeah a game I didn't know where I was I by the end by the time the holidays ended and then I took my wife away we went to the mountains for two days in there I didn't even know what time it was for a couple days and it's our anniversary we got married right after the holidays we hit 24 years coming up on her we had our tequila party the tequila part in the Mexican fiesta yeah I promised my neighbors that this would have been the last year yeah they're just like they're just like what does that have to do with Sukkot we got like drunk people in my neighborhood wearing sombreros you know singing la Cucaracha you know some little kid at the end of Sukkot we were done with the circuit which is a white burned down because no one was there it was there we were already back in the house for sympathia and like two hours before the holiday started we and it yeah that's okay our sicka went up in flames a security camera yeah I was just like yeah there it is on fire yeah it was a security camera the weirdest thing is my brother wrote a song called goodness gracious gracious my suckas on fire which is really funny really a funny little kid was playing with matches he went in he saw no one there and I guess he found matter oh yeah man are you just on the security cam you see a little kid run out and then all the Sun like smoke and like I'm glad you guys think it was funny where's that this is the first year anyone even mentions it to us cuz like now we can start laughing about it but we had like 27 years and thousands of hours of handcrafted art decoration in there even from like like my mother in 1991 paper cuts I mean stuff that's like beyond irreplaceable you know and we still haven't decorated we meeting we haven't quite gotten over it so like now it's very stately it kind of looks like the Waldorf it's couple of curtains and ties and sashes and it's like it looks like a hotel soca which looks great right it's fine all everyone wants anyway is a draught beer and some music so that's still available how was it then you shake my rattle you shake my Astro again you rattle my fruit this ain't no lemon in a fancy in a fancy suit oh no you know the zester cost a lot of loot and ain't no lemon in a fancy suit goodness gracious on fact anyway so so we took the security camera video put it on youtube with my brother's song but the craziest thing is the very last split-second of the song is right when the security camera melts me the security camera melted in the heat and but you literally see it like black out on the last note inside it's like and then the camera melts like like it was you know it's like three minutes and twenty one and a half seconds it's worse that your shawl knees are like the miracle of the circuit like everything has to be in a miracle if you're observant it's uh you know when you're at or observant like whatever happens to is a miracle maybe the fact that we don't burn you know in the sukkah right it's a miracle of course we weren't in the sukkah so it's like what's the miracle part all I know is I lost my suka oh the miracle every year someone reminds me of the miracle they think I should be like benching go Mel and like maybe I should have a Seifert or written and throw a kid ish you know I'm just like No thank you I'll just I just need to get over it you know okay but anyway about order is like after this circus I was ready for word and but we got out we have to we have to look at our lives and make sure the order parts order and the chaos is cast and embrace that cast we're fine be good with chaos but also be be like come back to order now there's some people in this room we're too orderly they're just overly ordered and they're not really growing the egg cast scares them there's people cast scares them like there are people for example are afraid to do my seminar I know but these people that are afraid to come do the work I run and it's all I most everyone of them they got a ton of excuses that I know deep down they're afraid to open it up like you were saying I think they're afraid to open it up and get inside there and see what's going on they know that's gonna be chaotic to look inside okay you know I what can I do it I got a plenty of other people want to do the seminar so enjoy your life now interestingly marriage tends to take that stuff out you should know by the way um what's your name show them yeah sorry I forgot anything you know the one marriage causes your chaos to come out meaning when you're single you can keep your life pretty much buttoned up but there's something about marriage that makes like all your inner stuff start oozing out and it like leaks all over your spouse and your spouse is like what is this though you know they're like Lily you're especially and you're like you're like covering up a leaky spot you're like I don't know so marriage just causes like major leaks which is really beautiful about marriages that is that our real growth comes from marriage sometimes I get blessings to people we've been single for too long in their opinion so you know what I tell them I tell them I bless you to finish the growth that you'll get as a single person because once you're finished with your growth isn't single person well you're only put here to grow so therefore the only way you'll get to the next through marriage you need to go through the crucible of marriage that will cause your growth so so you you really want to make beings let's put it like this if the world is about growth you want to make being single obsolete that you you can't grow anymore as us in the person you've done the max growth as a single person the only growth you can get now is by being locked into a relationship because locked in relationships caused a lot of growth because there's no way out there's no way out this is the danger are you guys married by any chance oh no Mazel Tov wow that's great news thank God so you're in you're in good shape so anyway the think what an insult it is to being a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship when an insult that is what are you altima saying this person you're seeing this person I'm not willing to commit to you but I'll hang around until something better comes along or I'll hang around until I feel you're too much of a hassle to deal with cuz that's how people break up is when it becomes too big a hassle and there wasn't a there wasn't enough of a commitment to stick around why would I stick around if this person has become high maintenance for me now the beauty of marriage why we grow is cuz there's no way out I mean there is a way out but it's gonna cost you about $50,000 and and it's gonna be like all hell's gonna break loose and you're gonna you're gonna say like they have a saying that the only thing worse than the only thing worse than a bad marriage is divorce no it's not true but it is hell no one gets divorcing comes out okay you know meaning which is good you think in like oh man that sounds terrible no it's good because you wanted you your growth comes from places you're stuck in we can't get out same thing with being Jewish to get out of that you know you're in you're in you're like what are you gonna do is nothing you can do you can't get out of they can't convert out of Judaism in marriage or could Judaism we're just in general when you can't get out we're on you can't get out a lot of people do that a lot of people do that I mean that's subjects not really the subject we're on but I'll answer it just cuz its essentials and you get to ask whatever you want in this class so oh good the baby's back so we don't mind the little pipsqueak noises the pipsqueak noises are great I mean it says she yeah no one would dare bring a boy into a class bam bam you know so anyway maybe turn the stroller a little bit so she can see me better and then she might there you oh there she goes she wants raisins minions and there they're a laxative so anyway what were you talking about oh yeah just a handle that for a minute is people who numb their emotions are it's like anything else in life you if you're into numbing you you have to do do the economic you got a play economy what's economy economy is you always trade a lesser good for greater good so meaning for right now maybe numbing is the greater good and dealing with your issues of lesser good but how long is that gonna last that nothing's the greater good for anybody there's a time for it I mean I can understand a guy who's just gonna go drink a 12-pack of beer sometimes you know I understand that guy and and by the way it may be the better move right now is just go drink a 12-pack of beer and use it over to get home but uh numbing is fine on the short-term but how is that gonna be in the long-term what's gonna cost more so the answer is is that someone who's numbing their emotions numbing their inside pain their inner pain is going to be paying big time later being totally so so you just got it it's gonna it's math just do the math you know you did the math I'm buying that watch or your sweater or your you do the math and buying that notebook or your cell phone or the cover for your cell phone you you always do math we're always doing the math of which one's the better in which which costs what cost is better when you buy the coat you're saying this five check is worth less and that cokes worth more you always doing man so some people are know there's plenty of people doing really bad math and that's why it's important when you're doing bad man's is to project what's this gonna look like if I keep going there if I keep playing that game what's that gonna look like and what's gonna who's out of me when I get married if I've been numbing my stuff what's that gonna look like when that all comes flying out out of control you know in marriage and so you say to yourself you know what this it doesn't add up for me anymore I'm good I'm gonna have to get into a safe environment and let all that raw pain out I gotta let it all out and go for the full convulsive cry you know sobbing and and that you know someone hold me why you know just let it all go to go to an environment where they can get it all out yeah for sure there's actually a mint how do you get them there yeah you know I'm running a Hebrew seminar tonight for men yeah so you you there's other tricks you tell him it's to help someone else you know other people in his life tell him that it'll give him all the tools to help someone and you should come for the other person there's all kinds of tricks it's not for you anyway but but no yeah well you know but you he probably thinks you think he needs it so maybe switch gears to he doesn't need it it's just gonna be good for somebody else if he has the information as if there was a lot of information I'm gentleman by the way whole English speaking men in the room I am running a seminar in three Sundays from today I don't know what date that is but I have three Sundays from now I am running a mints seminar which I haven't been doing very much lately I've been traveling more seminars I've got one in New York in November I've got one here in three weeks for men and there's another Center run by a colleague of mine which is a super intense seminar where you have no it's also personal transformation work but it's it's called the well of being you know like well being as the well well of being and the well of beings happening now to four men and that's it's a three-day retreat three-day retreat no watches no phones you don't know what time it is I mean just when you thought you had nothing left to cry out you're another bucket of water comes out of your body some now you know and it's it's a real trip that one mine's not like that points means it more of a technology this is a this is like really cry out all your stuff that's going on so if you're interested in that be in touch me I can get in touch with with that particular seminar by the way the reason you anyone notice how popular seminars on the last decade or two you know why that is the reason that is is because as the generations go we get less and less access to grow like real growth and so the access is getting less and less on our own meaning if you think you can read a book and be transformed forget about it you can't it just won't work yeah you'll get a good idea here a good idea there maybe it'll pick you up for a day or two you're going right back down though you're going right back into your patterns so what's happening is we're living in a generation where you really got to put your soul body you got to put like your whole beam on the altar and just offer it up to some like seminar guru which I've trained to be I've got over 8,000 graduates in 17 years running my work but you in I'm not lacking participants like you none of you have to come to my semi pro the gym it's been full but the you can offer yourself oh you you must offer yourself up to a personal growth guru and let them take you on your journey otherwise forget about it you're not going anywhere and that's just the way it is yeah we're all stuck with seminars now you know you can't notebook you can save your money on books now once you do a seminar the books get more relevant but till you've done a seminar just save your money on books you need to put yourselves anyone here put themselves in the line of fire of a personal growth guru he's done it you know anyone else did it you guys ever did it it's intense sure that had no problems now I'm not gonna speak about online but it was a particular group had too many of their people in their group going to that seminar and it got hey guy what's the word I'm looking for not at all no it got meaning doesn't our group fulfill everything everyone ever needed like why are people outsourcing you understand too many people from one particular group started going to this seminar okay and they and the group got was sort of like me insecure the group itself like leaders of the group are like hey don't we offer you everything you've ever needed you know like why are you going somewhere else whereas and by the way I won't even take people from that group I wouldn't take it open it because I saw what they did to this poor seminar and I was like stay away from those people you know you meaning they literally attacked in did I do days one of the most serious offenses which is called character assassination of the of a very simple Jew who led that group that was all a joke it was a total joke I know firsthand and it was it was a total setup you know media slam yeah pretty horrible very sad chapter and Jim should protect anyone shimshi protect anyone who harms the reputation of the department right okay anyway so you should all get out there get out there and go to a similar the only thing I can warn Jews about is that is that you have to be a little careful because seminar leaders seminar leaders if you're Jewish seminar leaders aren't necessarily keeping Judaism and you you have to surrender to do the work you understand you gotta surrender totally you're not gonna get it like you don't get it until you surrender once you surrender all of a sudden you get these giant breakthroughs but do you really want to be surrounding yourself in his situation with someone who doesn't know anything about Judaism or how your souls Jewish Souls require tremendous amount of protection and we have you guys think we have 613 commandments no we don't we have 613 hyperlinks you click on each commandment it takes you to a website where you can just take down the scroll button cuz this is gonna keep going with thousands of laws there we actually counted the laws you know many laws there are you know much the 613 hyperlinks breaks into fifty five thousand laws that's what did you ask to keep meaning you have to be a master of distinctions of details to live the life as a Jewish man or woman so you want to put yourself on the altar surrender totally to some amazing guru and even Tony Robbins or any of the other great ones out there but they don't know the first thing about the protection of a Jewish soul and you're you're more open at that point when you finish the seminar you are more open to suggestion then like you've ever been in your life which is a beautiful place to be if you can trust the one who's gutting you but if you can't trust the one is guiding him because he doesn't know the first thing about Jewish souls so you got to be careful I'm just saying if you got I'm not saying you can't go I'm just saying you gotta be careful careful with where you go and and what you do with your graduation day there you know and I you know I've definitely I've had people call me saying they're already signed up they're going any last words I didn't tell them so I'm like you know last words are finished the program say goodbye you're not signing up for you know like bill they'll put in like they literally put you spent like a lot of money you know you spent like whatever brand or something they'll put like 30% marketing for their next level during your grant like while you're well you're they're teaching you they're already selling you you know but join this you know they're already taking you for the next level and so I tell them finish the seminary didn't say goodbye and just go back to your life do not hang around their next level thing you want to go to the next level go to the next level just not now like get out of there reintegrate integrate everything you learned later you feel like they can help you see what you're gonna do then okay any random questions down yeah every senator doesn't something different but what they do is they call you on your scrap without yes yeah yeah they call you out beep now you don't even know what your stuff is young man okay you don't even know your stuff you think you know your stuff but you're so in it yeah after what yeah I mean it's really hard to smell yourself you know when you have vo I mean there's ways to do that but you know that's the whole that's why everyone's so scared you know I think all deodorant companies are getting or you know they're making their living off people's absolute fear that they can't smell themselves I've had to Toby because I smell the dirt I'd rather smell them than their do dirt so I've had to tell people like I'll let you know when you stink okay I promise I'll let you know but you've lost sight of this and you're just moving through deodorant sticks one after the other you know out of pure fear that you someone may smell you you know it's like let someone smell you once in a while to just get the right amount of deodorant going rather than you just wasting all your money and absolute terror of being smelled it's hard to bring this up but you know you understand we're so in it we can't see it it'd be like you know it's like you know it's a good example is fish in an aquarium imagine you could interview a fish now what they should be able to explain the most is water I mean they need it to survive they spend their whole life in water they should be good explainers of water right but you imagine a fish trying to explain water there's so in it they can't see it they don't have any context for it because it's it's their very life so are your in your stuff so deep that you don't even see it and what's scary about that is that when you're trying to grow let's say you're like trying to grow em you we're trying very specifically when you're trying to grow you realize you're trying to grow in your stuff Wally in it what you're in the all kinds of stuff you don't even see and then like you know trying to let everyone know how much you're growing I'm into growth but I've learned over the last couple decades that anyone who's trying to grow who's not putting themselves in the line of fire of somebody else which in my circles it's our my Rebbe you know this great Kabbalistic Rebbe who's like he is not shy to fire he will fire at me if you don't put yourself in a line of fire somebody who knows what they're doing and knows how to fire your you're a joker no offense but your whole growth thing is a joke it's a joke if you're not putting yours on the line of fire you're just you're trying to create an image of someone who's into growth but you're not really girls and say you got it you got to put yourself out there and let someone let someone try to blow you away oh thank you I'm just one more thing I want to say is that there are individuals and it may be you there are individuals who are like absolute personal growth freaks they're one in like 500 who can do it meaning they they see their own stuff and they call themselves out and they and they and they own it they own it and they're there they're still putting themself when to fire people but they actually can do it on their own so there are people like that so I don't want to say no one can but they're like one in hundreds one in hundreds is that guy I'm not that guy by the way I I used to fool myself thinking I was I'm totally not I need someone to whoop my behind so to speak I need someone just just crack crack crack the whip it is I need someone to crack a whip to wake me up which is another good thing about marriages it's often my wife and thing cuz she's not shy to let me know of course it's much more painful to hear from your spouse then then someone you've actually elected in that role you know to have your spouse nail you but uh but it's nice having a built in person to rake me over the coals once in a while even though I you know of course I deny everything for about a day and then like 24 hours later I start to realize she's right and of course it's total double standard gentlemen never try this with your wife okay your wife's always perfect you never call her out on anything you can send her away to some seminar but you you stay out of it like she did she's perfect you know she's absolutely there's certain double standards in marriage that are funny like for example if your wife's feeling cranky every man has the right to pay no attention to her they do good you just pay no attention you're just completely ignore them when a man's feeling cranky the wife's life so you're feeling cranky and you know and they'll like totally get in your heads faced with you in life like be there with you and then of course she's feeling cranky a couple days later and you're just like I'm leaving she's like I just totally was there for you while you were cranky and you're like that's nice goodbye you know I'll see you when you're feeling better and and and there's other things like for example offering comments of improvement never do that with a woman never but her doing it to you always yeah so there's all these double standards and marriages just fine yeah you got to be aware you gotta be very aware on that but yeah I definitely don't offer any improvement comments for your spouse when you're married okay we basically hit it anyone anyone here have a anyone here have a random question or anything like just a point about today's class okay it wasn't one of my like exciting class I apologize those worries to my exciting classes but it just wasn't that class today what say we got in chaos and order yeah so in general in general our lives are ordered and what happens is the chaos we naturally go towards chaos because we want to grow as people so will naturally go towards chaos but the second you start feeling insecure it's time to pull back to order second you're feeling insecure it's order time like I by the end of the month of Tishrei I was feeling insecure I literally was feeling like I don't know which ways up which means down north south east west I'm feeling like like a ship without a rudder like I don't have a steer and I knew I'm ready for order big time and that's why I say I'm so excited the first thing I said when I walked in was how much I love the winters mom this winter period because it's just much more order and I need that right now so you knowing once you're feeling insecure it's order time and and then those there's those people are just too orderly and to secure and they need to put themselves out there and get themselves woken up shaking up gonna shake them up tell them everybody towards a pleasure as usually welcome oh the next slide is Rabi Nick Meyer he's a from Pasadena California he's a total trip he's like the most