Rabbi YY Jacobson - How to like the people you love

this Torah class is brought to you by Torah anytime.com thank you so much I appreciate your kind words if I could just ask of you to put your cell phones on vibrate or on off I don't want to ask you to shut them because I know you may be expecting a call from prime minister Netanyahu or president Trump or maybe now the leader of North Korea who wants to discuss with you future plans but at least un vibrate thank you how beautiful how good how pleasant to be with so many so many brothers and sisters as King David says and if you listen to the words he how good and how pleasant you know in life things that are good are usually not pleasant and things that are Pleasant are usually not good for example eating spinach is good is it Naim is it sweet absolutely not look at the menu tonight eating barley kernels soybeans tofu kale juicing wheat grass is very good for you but it's not sweet kishka cougal kishes sweet and sour chicken pasta rice shu is coming lasagna cheesecake these are Pleasant they're sweet but they're not good right marriage is it to or is it Naim before or after huh before or after there was a professor there was a professor who once asked to students he was an English teacher and he said students what's the difference in English between an engagement and a battle and one of the students says one is before the wedding one is after the wedding they once asked a woman how was married she said before I was married I was incomplete now I'm married and I'm finished you know there was once a woman she was married already 19 years and one night she turns to her husband she says you never ever tell me what you think of me tell me really what do you think of me how do you feel about me and he looks her in the eyes and he says a b c d E F G H I J K Wow but what does it stand for is a amazing B brilliant and beautiful see Charming colorful courageous creative D delightful e extraordinary F fantastic and fabulous fabulous getting better and better G great gorgeous gmach H honorable and hilarious she says wow wow wow wow wow and what's I JK I'm just kidding now now he has been missing since last Wednesday There's a search warrant for him all over New York so if you find a guy and he's saying I I JK you'll know who he is in Silicon Valley they wanted to know if cabalistic computers were masculine or feminine cuz you know in cabala everything is either masculine or feminine or a combination so they asked me I said I'll tell you on one hand I think for sure computers are masculine because they retain enormous amounts of data yet they remain clueless explain it to your husbands they're not they're like Stone Face oh is this going to be a male bashing evening I knew I shouldn't have come I only came CU she said you have to come you have to come you have to come first of all they say he's good and it's also about marriage and you really need help in your marriage I'm never going with my wife once to her should go see what that's going to do for your marriage so computers are M on the other hand I said I think computers are for sure feminine I'll tell you why nobody besides their creator ever understands what's going on inside a computer and when one computer is communicating with another computer hot sinking you stay out it's absolute code language don't even think you can understand on the other hand I said I think computers are masculine you buy this beautiful perfect model for a cheap price and you're all excited and you come home and you're overjoyed and then you realize if you would have only waited 6 months could have gotten much better for much cheaper then I said I think computers are feminine you buy this gorgeous model AB bcde e FG H gorgeous fabulous stunning computer and a pretty good price and you come home and you're so excited M and then you realize within a few weeks you're paying 25 times the amount for accessories so they wanted to know what's the verdict and I said I think the verdict is computers are feminine because they forget nothing every time you press a key it it is internalized in the computer for all of eternity if not in the software in the hardware if not in the hardware in the hard drive if not in the hard drive in the chip it's there and one day it will come out and far virus you every move you make Every Breath You Take is enshrined for all of eternity in the psyche of your spouse and one day you might hear about it it could take 20 years but you're you're going to hear about it you know the story this woman who was dating and after like 10 days she comes home and her mother says no no no no she says you know everything is works on paper but there's one major issue this guy this boy he mamish doesn't believe in hell he doesn't believe in G he doesn't believe that there's such a thing as hell I think I have to break it off she says no no no no no no you you you accept the proposal between me and you we will show him it exists so my friends I come back to the question is it to or is it Naim how does God introdu marriage the first time anybody remembers in Genesis bit it's not good for man to be alone it's good for a man to have a spouse is it Pleasant Ah that's another question so King David says he Nam how do we make spinach not only good but delicious delicious you know there was a Jewish couple celebrating their 50th anniversary and she gets up she says I want to make a to me for sticking it out with him for 50 years and I say to you that the 50 years of our marriage went by like two days people were wow oh my God a Jewish couple after 50 years not only are they on speaking terms but apparently the marriage was so romantic and Heavenly just flew by like 2 days there was one nudnik in the crowd every crowd I travel the world every audience I ever spoke to except this one always has a nudnik you know the definition of a nudnik it's more of an ashkanazi thing my grandmother would say there are three types of Jews schlam schlamazel and nudniks the difference is as follows the schlam pours the soup on the schlamazel the nudnik wants to know what type of soup was [Laughter] it so at this wedding anniversary I just got it it's pretty funny at this wedding anniversary 50 years an nudna gets up and says excuse me ma'am why do you say that the marriage 50 years went by like two days why don't you say he went by like one day I told you he was a real nudnick she looks at him and says because our relationship for 50 years felt like two days Kipper the two toughest days in the Jewish calendar my friends how do we turn that which is to into that which is in Hebrew in t doesn't only mean Brothers it also means friends Abraham tells they weren't Brothers he was his nephew but aim represents all forms of camaraderie from the word connection is a verse in Proverbs tell wisdom you are my sister connection how does it become both to and IIM or to put it in the title that was allotted to me in tonight's lecture how do you get to like the people you love there are a lot of people we love but we don't like them there are people you like and you don't love there are people you like and you love and then there are people you don't like you don't love usually your husband I mean usually uh a stranger how do we learn to like the people we love most people or at least many people love their parents love their siblings love their spouses but it's not always easy to like how do I like those I love so my dear friends let's go on a little journey this evening and I'm going to begin with a story that everybody heard it's from talm track page 62b where the tal says and it's quoted in almost every speech during this time of the year between p and TR to the point when most people hear the story they shut down emotionally and they eat and the tal says that the students of RAB AA passed on during the times of during the era season of s which is why it's a time of mourning in the Jewish calendar and the reason is they behave disrespectfully toward each other and the famous old question is how can this be RAB a is the greatest proponent of love in theal every Jewish child knows what was said on the verse read yesterday in every at least outside of the holy land and in the Holy Land the week [Music] before no actually K everywhere love your fellow like yourself said loving another person is not some small Mitzvah it's one of the Cardinal principles of Torah if he taught this to the whole Jewish world for sure he taught this to his students so how is it that his students could so not get one of the great teachings and messages of RAB AKA what happened where did where did they go wrong where did the teacher go wrong where did the students go wrong and tonight I share with you one interpretation it's based on a little brief commentary of aidic author known as the shame M that is a commentary Onish and on holidays written by a man named Rabbi Borstein known as the re of in Poland a son of the in his book sh on he gives an insight and the nucleus of the Insight is what allowed us to develop this point that we're going to bem bring out tonight and he says that there are two different concepts in life and in Judaism and they have different names one is called a and the other isav means love kavod means respect now the two of course are very closely related you respect somebody you have positive feelings towards them you love somebody you would respect them if I love you I should respect you true but nonetheless they represent two different concepts and sometimes opposite Concepts love comes from likeness we're so similar we're so connected cavod comes from distance from recognizing our differences the word a is the numerical value of 13 hey V he is five and five and two and one is 13 which is the same numerical value as the word one comes from the recognition that we're one a mother loves her child because they're one a parent love father loves his child the child a child is part of a father part of a mother physically and thus emotionally biologically psychologically of course and spiritually I love my siblings we're ultimately one we come from the same womb we share the same genes a child loves parents a parent loves children families sometimes could fight very heavily but there's a certain AA that is natural it's innate it's intrinsic because we share so much in common especially for those of you who are lucky to come from the Glorious barkarian Community where family was so so important something that many Americans often forget which which is something even those of us who come to this country and you want to fully integrate don't lose glorious Traditions that have allowed families and communities to survive for thousands of years families keeping close together because not you can't easily find a replacement for family the there's a Oneness there's AA there's something else called Cavo respect respect represents the fact that there's something in you that I see that I actually don't have and I respect it it's a quality in you that is different than me maybe it's respecting a Reb a teacher a sage a rabbi a reiton an elder person a great person a sadik but all forms of respect even among friends and colleagues and spouses represents the idea that there's something in you that I have respect for I don't own it in fact it comes from the recognition that there's a distance there are borders there are boundaries what is the difference between and when it comes to relationships when I love you it's because I feel that you're one with me I respect you because I feel that you're actually not one with me and I cherish the difference es sometimes it's easy to love but it's harder to like a person every healthy mother and father love their children but we don't always respect our children you love your parents you don't always respect them you love your siblings you don't always respect them you may love your spouse you're one but you don't always respect I love my child I want the best for my child cuz my child is me but can I recognize that my child is also not me my child is not be my child is me but he's also not me she's also not me sometimes parents choose the the marriage partner for their children based on what they need not based on what their children need that's why Abraham didn't choose himself a cuz he knew he's going to choose a woman like like sah sah was a strong tough woman and did not need that needed that CU was he needed s was he needed he didn't go himself to choose a marriage partner he sent somebody who grew up with Y somebody who was objective somebody who was outside of the family elzar he sent him to find a match for he understood he can't only love y he has to respect I can't only love my child when I only love my child I treat my child like he's still in the womb which many Jewish Mothers do even when he's 40 years old she looks at him and she still sees him as in the womb he thinks he left but we know the truth in his own imagination he's independent but we know the truth he's just part of me and therefore I make decisions for him and I'm overprotective some of us even have the Glorious title of being codependent you can ask your therapist what that [Music] means you know the story of the little boy who goes the first day to prea to school little little kid and his mother kisses him and she puts him on the bus she says my Mal my angel my sadic my Zite my sweetheart my heaven my angel my soul my my heart my love m m m m m m and my love mommy is going to be here right when you come back 3:00 I'm going to give you a big kiss my dear Angel Saint saic sends him off to school he comes home she kisses him says my Mal what did you learn today he says for starters I learned that I have a name David in marriage we sometimes love our spouse but can we like our spouse I could love my spouse cuz ultimately you're one you built a family together you have children together where you going to go you're going to move to New Zealand there are some men who do that but let's face it a month later they regret it what do they leave behind they leave behind a family a unit a future children grandchildren of course you could run away way when you don't get along big deal we know that a Jew once came to a screaming inish I want a divorce he says yeah vernished who [Music] doesn't you and Christopher Columbus discovered America the only marriages I know that are perfect are the marriages I don't know okay besides you I know if you have a perfect man marage you can get out now the only relationships I know are perfect the only families I know are perfect are the families I don't know there are skeletons in every closet we're human we have Brokenness it's part of the human condition a person could run but a person looks as this is my wife this is my husband we're one we love each other we may even die for each other but that's not what I'm addressing but do you know how to like your husband can you learn how to like your wife not only love but also like sometimes like is harder cuz like comes from respecting the fact that you are not me and that you are entitled to your own personality your own character your own disposition your own idiosyncrasies your own demeanor and your own needs as the Kat once said in yish and then I'll Translate anybody knows yish I'll translate I'll translate hey hey hey it's not recess yet it's not recess I'll tell you when you're dismissed class is not over here goes if I am I because you are you and you are you because I am I then I am not I and you are not you but if I am I because I am I and you are you because you are you then I am I and you are you and now we can begin tooo the basis of a relationship is not only that we're one it's also that we're different and we're supposed to be different one of the key paradigms necessary for a functional and loving relationship is to recognize this just make it harder is to recognize that truth in a marriage is not objective it's subjective my wife's truth is not my truth my truth is not my wife's truth if you can't respect subjective truth in a marriage there may be love but there will not be respect meaning individuality will not be able to be respected there's a famous psycho analyst who lives in San Francisco his name is sha yalom he's an Israeli Jew living in California for many years and he has many books on psychology and in one of them he tells a story that captures this truth he says a woman once came to him and shared with him that she had a very difficult relationship with her father they didn't get along her father father was petty and demanding and he was always upset nothing was ever good enough a chronic complainer you know the person whatever you do will find a fault anybody ever lived with such a person you don't have to all raise your hand but if you did it's difficult oh and you're never good enough but always bck B bck you got 100 but why not 110 you know the story kid came home with with a report card the other day and uh so you got a minus and B on this and c and this and then dancing he got an A+ and when the father saw that he gave him a smack he says why you smacking me dancing he said you fail in everything else and you still have the mood to dance so she grew up with such a father and they weren't on speaking terms sadly it's very sad when parents and children are not on speaking terms doesn't make sense it's one of the great tragedies when parents and children are not close certainly when they're in a fight doesn't make sense never allow it to happen in your family siblings parents you always have to talk to your siblings and your parents you have to have a connection even if you scream at each other and you fight and so she was getting married and the weekend before her wedding she calls her father and says daddy we haven't spoken for a long time go on a road trip the weekend before my wedding just too bombed and he was so excited he says sure and they meet up and they go on this road trip that's supposed to last a day or two a few days before her wedding and they're traveling on a Road near San Francisco and it's a beautiful weather and she's driving and her father's sitting on the other side and it's the beginning of the trip and they're smoing you know it's a little awkward and she wants to make conversation and she's this Lively vibrant girl and she opens her window and she looks out and she says daddy wow isn't this landscape so beautiful and he says let me look and he looks out his window and he says actually it's so ugly it's horrible I don't even know how you could think this way and she thinks wow here he goes again God forbid he should agree with me it's before my wedding why should he agree with me God forbid he should say it's so beautiful I said it's beautiful he has to say it's grotesque it's repulsive it's abominable and she shut down you know when you pick up your hands and you're like okay you know that one the women are nodding yeah the men are like what oh I thought it's exercise she does it every night I thought it's exercise it's not exercise it's your wife giving up on you she goes like this it's not he thinks it's Pilates cuz for him this is exercise okay sh she gets so upset and that's it she's like Daddy it's all right and that's said the trip is over she gets married and they never come back together 30 years pass she's a married woman and she's taking a road trip with her husband and suddenly she looks out and she's on the road where she once drove with her father 30 years ago before her wedding as Yogi bar said it's ja vu all over again that's a bharian joke and uh this time she's in the passenger seat he's in the driver's seat and he's looking out as he's driving on this highway and he turns to his wife wife and he says wow what a beautiful landscape and she opens her window and looks out and she sees a cesspool and she remembers you know what a cesspool is uh a sewer system not a very nice it's not very beautiful not it's when you go to the pipes under the house it's what chent looks like after the ashkenaz digested sure who is my mother-in-law who TR this is this a conspiracy I can continue okay are watching you live when I get a whole lot of do really how many people tell my mother okay great I don't think I need therapy this week that's wonderful just tell me the exact amount of people and if there are any compliments please do me a favor okay criticism you can keep for yourself she remembers this is where her father sat and she realized he wasn't trying to be argumentative he was actually describing what he sees from his window from her husband's window there was a different landscape and she comes to Professor yal with this tremendous guilt of misunderstanding her father creating a lifelong separation and I ask you how often does this happen in marriage can you really appreciate the fact that you and your husband or your wife look out of two different windows and she will never see what you see and you will never see exactly what she sees what you need to do is respect that her window may be a different window respect and learn that not every disagreement is argument ative it's not about denigrating you she has to disagree with me you know that feeling he has to disagree with me she has two windows and then you learn that a disagreement is actually an opportunity to broaden your perspective now it's easy to preach about this when it comes to emotions you lose it here you go again either you explode or you implode especially if you suffer from emotional constipation which is a good old Jewish trait especially if you come from Eastern Europe especially from certain sections of Eastern Europe we Jews don't like talking especially men we have a theory when you come home at night your wife looks at you and says how was your day we don't like answering that question our philosophy is it was hard enough experiencing the day now I have to talk about it I don't want to talk about it I want to go into a cave take out my phone and text read the paper surf the web drink a twig of beer read something I don't want to talk about my day women have a very different window when they have a hard day they want to talk about it but not once once is just the preliminary once to their sister a second time to the other sister third time to a third sister fourth time to their mother fifth time to their girlfriend sixth time to another girlfriend seventh time to the therapist eighth time to the yoga instructor ninth time to the friend they meet at the cafe 10th time maybe their husband when they finish giggling and crying after 10 times they're ready to relax just the way it is in fact in fact somebody asked me what's the difference between men and women cabalistic I said men are waffles women are spaghetti very deep cabala did you ever eat a waffle waffles every waffle is self-contained it has four walls around it when you pour the maple syrup into the waffle you make sure it doesn't go over the wall and stays within the square of the waffle that's men women are spaghetti there's no one piece of spaghetti every strand of pasta is intertwined and interconnected with hundreds of other pieces of pasta our brain is compartmentalized in hundreds of filing cabinets we men have a filing cabinet called the car the house the wife the Mother-in-law the children the job the therapist everything has a separate filing cabinet and when we have to pay a bill we open up that file in cabinet we make sure it doesn't touch any other file we take out the paper usually we don't do anything we put it back quietly we close the draw and we make sure nothing else gets Disturbed and in middle of our brain we have a huge filing cabinet the biggest one with a big sign and it says on it nothing and we love hanging out in that space in fact most of us men if we wouldn't have to make a living we would hang out in that filing cabinet called nothing so when you ask your husband what are you feeling and he looks at you and he says nothing and there's no answer that drives women as crazy as the answer nothing they can't believe it they think you have another relationship with somebody else they think you are hiding everything no women we feel nothing nothing in fact after this lecture you're going to ask your husband so how was it and he's going to look at you how was what the lecture he was talking about you oh here she goes again he doesn't know me how was it oh his jokes were not too bad most of them I knew by a woman Do's know nothing her brain is like the worldwide web Microsoft Windows with every possible window open and the tab is switching back and forth every moment like spaghetti and the traffic of the worldwide web there are hundreds of millions of neurons consciously interacting at every single moment and he's like Clueless which is why you'll see the following scene he comes on one night and he decides tonight he's going to be a good husband so after dinner you sit down with him on the couch and he looks you in the eyes and he says honey do you want to share with me how your day was you're like wow what a guy he's been listening to Rabbi yy's lectures he's been working on himself ah EMT has been getting to him he's working he's working on his shalom it it's so beautiful so you start sharing with him your day and of course you begin with the fact that the cleaner is ruined a $600 dress and he opens up the filing cabinet called cleaners and it's a it's a it's a hard process for him you could see on his brain they said take it out and take out the file and check off okay the cleaner Cris is $600 from the cleaners you shift immediately to the fact that you don't like your job so now he opens up the filing cabinet called a job and then you move on to the fact that your sister-in-law insulted you at her son's bar mitz and then the fact that at the you weren't invited and then that his mother is really obnoxious to you from there you discuss the fact that you don't have good cleaning help and then of course you go to the kids he's not happy in third grade the principal is not nice this teacher doesn't know what he's doing then you go to the car then you go to the paper you have to finish you discuss the leak in the bathroom summer plans your own mother your own sister the upcoming Bas Mitzvah it's now 2 minutes and 10 seconds you have already explored 48 topics and this is what he's doing he's opening and closing finally cabinets he went from the cleaners to the bathroom to the cleaning lady to your mother to your sisterin-law to the mitzvah to the Bas Mitzvah to the to your job to your paper to your car to the swimming pool to the summer to the camp to the crisis in school it's 4 minutes now 397 topics have been explored and you're just beginning this poor guy for the last 4 minutes has been opening and closing filing cabinets and remember nothing can touch anything else so he takes it out it's m a very very heavy game now after 4 minutes as you're about to begin topic 400 he is about to go crazy The Logical choice for him at this moment the most logical thing is suicide there's a problem he loves you and he doesn't want you should be a widow so that's not an option so he does the second to the best option under these trying circumstances and that is he falls asleep and within 20 seconds within 20 seconds he's snoring on the top of his lungs and you're stone-faced you were just having this whole romantic experience and this guy just fell asleep on you you are so hurt little do you know that the snoring is an expression of his deepest love because the only other option was to him for him to shoot himself in his head and the only reason he didn't is because he loves you so much so if you could look at the snoring and say what a special man the love of my life my dearest partner you're good love my friends is not respect love comes from recognizing that we're one respect comes from the fact that we recognize that we're not one we can't always be one we will not have the same window for some things we will for some things we won't what we need is not to have the same window what we need is to trust that the fact that the other person has another window doesn't mean they don't care for us and they don't support us and they don't cherish us if I could look at your differences and you could look at my differences and I could say I am I and you are you and from this place we're going to respect each other and support each other what happens often is disagreements become proof that you don't like me you're not he from me and that's where a relationship breaks down I stop giving you the benefit of the doubt I don't trust a relationship ship and when there's no trust when you don't really feel that your spouse has your back and your spouse cares for you the trust erodes but that doesn't mean we're going to have the same window which is why when the Torah wants to describe y's relationship with his wife Rifka the Torah says was laughing with r why is that the term for intimacy I make jokes cuz my name is why why is y besides when I was born they said why why and I'm trying to justify that and to answer the question comes from the word laughter why would anybody name their child which means a joke what would your therapist say when you told him that your mother named you a joke it's great for self-confidence no and you know this is the first boy born as a Jew the first boy burn born as a Jew is called a joke this is where we get our insecurities from telling you we have this in our jeans I'm a joke I'm a joke guy told me just because I'm paranoid it doesn't mean the whole world is not out to get [Laughter] me my dear friends what makes people laugh anybody knows what makes people laugh the answer is an unexpected punchline that's why somebody told me when I started to speak he said a joke you can only repeat once a year cuz if you repeat the same joke and people remember it they're not going to laugh he told me a joke once a year a story once in two years a dor twice in the same sermon that joke is over it's always the unexpected punchline a good comedian will take you to unexpected places and when you think you got it he'll suddenly make a curve and it'll throw you a curve ball which will create compounded laughter all laugh after comes from the unexpected the unusual a good sense of humor means you know how to look at things in a Twisted unique unconventional way somehow you bring out the humor of every situation y's greatest skill and the greatest skill of the Jewish people is they know how to create chokes meaning they can do the unexpected what is expected it's expected that humans are selfish that's expected it's called survival of the fittest it's expected that if you're married to a spouse you fight in America 50% divorces you know why why not if I'll be married to your husband what would I do you get divorced sometimes you get along sometimes you don't 50% yeah 50% not the uniqueness of the Jew is he or she understands the purpose of life is to create an unexpected punchline not to follow the expected to follow the unexpected to surprise yourself to shock yourself to allow your soul to surprise your mind which means all of us will have emotions that will take us away from our spouse y's power was he was different than Rifka they weren't the same they were opposites she was extroverted he was introverted they had opposite Windows she loved yov he loved asov they disagreed about so many things but they never stopped laughing and when you never stop laughing you can surprise yourself you can surprise yourself by saying we're different what do you do with being different you could do one of two things you can start killing each other or you could start laughing with each other and that makes the difference between a beautiful marriage and a very challenging marriage so now my friends come back to the students of RAB AKA RAB AKA taught that the basis of Judaism is love your fellow like yourself love his students they had a challenge with respect they loved each other so much they couldn't appreciate the fact that they're different and they have to respect each other we see it with the Jewish people constantly we love each other but we don't always respect each other I was once at a conference about anti-Semitism and they asked me at the conference a Jew raises his hand says Jacobs said what's the difference between Jews and anti-semites I said what do you mean he says they both don't like Jews anti-semites don't like Jews and Jews don't like Jews what's the difference good question no so I said ah my dear friends I'll explain to you very deep the anti-semite we're talking about a civil anti-semite right they say that church will set an anti-semite is somebody who hates Jews more than necessary but let's say somebody who doesn't hate them more than necessary only as much as is necessary a civil anti-semite the normal one go have a conversation with him as I have and say ah my dear anti-semite my civil anti-semite what do you think about the Jewish people they cause so many problems Isis is Israel's fault 911 Israel's fault the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico Israel's global warming Israel the problems in Gaza in Egypt in Syria in Iran in Pakistan in India in Afghanistan in Sudan in the Congo Israel's fault of course the Jews the Jews but my dear anti-semite your cardiologist is Harry Goldberg is it true hey he's different the best cardi olist in America but your accountant is Mr Klein he's an honest Jew but your neologist is splin most brilliant neurologist in the world but your lawyer is Schwartz he's been with I've been with him for 50 years you're Barber Mr Heber the best conversationalist in the world some of my best friends are Jewish what do you think of the Jewish people Vermin horrible Nation horrible people these individual Jews oh they're very special now come to any Jew in the world hello shalom what's your opinion of the Jewish people who is like your nation Israel I love the Jewish people wow now tell me what's your opinion on your neighbor I'm mza what's your opinion on your other neighbor a low life despicable what about your brother-in-law don't get me to talk about it he'll end up in prison what about the Gaba in your sh despicable what about the guy who sits near you and show I wouldn't trust him with a quarter this guy is you can ask your grandmother she'll explain to you what if you don't know the meaning of all the words you could still be Jewish something missing but you could still be je then you'll come to him and say what do you think about the Jewish people he'll start crying and he says I love Jews so I said that's the difference between anti-semites and Jews anti-semites hate CL Israel but is they like Jews love CL Israel which Jew doesn't love CL Israel every speech of any Rabbi or any Jew I always here CL is but when it comes to RAB is when it comes to the guy near me oh it's not so simple but my dear friends CL is is made up of is it's easy to love the cloud the wareness it's about the individual RAB aka's student loved his students loved respect to something else respect comes not from Oneness not from sameness from the appreciation of differences and that's why when we count the the talmud says in 66 it's a Mitzvah to count days and it's a mitah to count weeks we say today is seven days which is one week today is eight days which is one week and one day do are people so illiterate you can't figure out that eight days is one week and one day 14 days which is two weeks thank you genius what's the meaning the answer is what a day and a week a week is a unit of time Sunday through shabas 7even branches of the Min seven midot of the Soul it's one unit a day is individual there are two separate counts there's the count of the weeks of Oneness but there's the count of the individual which is separate when Mia comes it says we will go as one and then also says each one will be gathered as an individual my dear friends the leader of the Boston philarmonic Orchestra is a Jewish fellow a Brit by the name of Benjamin Benyamin Xander and he once shared the following story he heard from a Jewish woman and she said to him she said Benjamin I want to tell you about something I experienced I was 15 years old and my little brother was 8 years old and we were both placed on a cattle car taken to awit burkau during the second world war our parents were sent elsewhere they were gone it was me and my baby brother on the train and on the train I looked at my brother and I saw that he was missing a shoe from the whole commotion and being chased onto the train he lost one of his shoes he was barefoot what does a 15-year-old girl tell an 8-year-old boy when he loses his shoe she doesn't know where they're going she starts screaming at him she yells at him how could you be such a baby how could you be so irresponsible how could you lose your shoe where am I supposed to find you a shoe what are you going to do now we're going to get somewhere you're not going to have shoes I don't understand you mommy is not here taty is not here nobody has another shoe for you how could you be so irresponsible grow up and take responsibility you don't lose a shoe and she gave it to him like a 15-year-old nervous anxious girl might speak to her baby brother and she tells Benjamin O did I regret that conversation because it was the last conversation I ever had with my brother we arrived in aitz and Joseph mangala made this election one of them was sent to the right and the other to the left within an hour her brother was gazed and his body sent to the Criterium she was sent to slave labor and she survived the war on the day of Liberation January 1945 January 27th 19 1945 when the Soviets liberated the awood burken out death camp this little girl this young woman left the portals of hell and as she walked out of those Gates some of you have seen it with the big sign arbit M fry she says to Benjamin at that moment I stepped in from Death to life and I made a vow to myself that despite all the suffering I endured I'm going to live and I'm going to live life to the fullest and then I made a second vow to myself and the second vow I made to myself was this never will I tell somebody something that if I knew it was the last thing I ever said to them I would regret it I would never say anything think to anybody again that could not stand as the last thing I will ever tell them especially when it's a child I say to you this is something very lofty it's a very high ideal and it's a little unrealistic to ask of somebody to be able to think before they open my mouth is this the last thing you want to tell the person but it's something to think about as we speak and communicate with our spouses as we speak and communicate with our children ask yourself is this something I would be happy telling them if this was the last time I ever spoke to [Music] them and when one creates this type of awareness in a relationship then the next 50 years of your marriage and the 50 years afterwards can also go by like two days P him and the two happiest days of the Jewish calendar thank you very much thank you you've just experienced another Torah class brought to you by tor anytime.com