Likkutei Torah Matos #4: Healing Sin Without the Shame Is Scratching the Surface

we're up to page P the last Pedic of the M the last chapter of the mimer again 167 chapter 4 p on top it should say mat in the Hebrew it's p column to can I trou you for a the blue a blueish thank you and okay today's class is dedicated and also dedicated for a speedy and complete recovery thank you very much so the main the main point that we learned in pic pic giml last year Monday morning was the idea of the TT describes they were without shame they were living without Bush without shame and this was a whole what that means when kava is built when kava is separated from Adam and she's rebuilt she's built from Adam two sides like it says in they were created as like what we would call SI twins like two sides two faces but they were connected to each other and then decoupled what you call surgical decoupling in cabala it's called in separation of Adam and K So Adam had to be rebuilt and K now had to be rebuilt and then it says Hashem brings the ISA the woman to Adam so this is the first time he sees somebody else but he's really seeing someone else who was him all the other ones all the other creatures that he met and he even named them he was seeing others but here he was looking at somebody else a separate person but this separate person essentially was him she came from him so Adam says finally this time it's it's literally means a bone from my bones but also translated ASM from my Essence which is really what bone means is an expression right you say the of something Theus of something means the core like the bones representing like the skeleton it's an expression for the core of something above the meat and above the outer sen and layers there's the the the of something so now it's it's my and it's flesh from my flesh it's my inner and my outer which also has the deeper interpretation that somehow through this person I'll be able to touch my own atmus I'll be able to find my own Essence my own core I'm going to quote a very profound titter that I learned from my wife may she be well it says in Zoya everybody quotes it always that a husband and a wife are two halves right it says says that a woman a woman a husband it's called plag goof plag means a half plag and gof is a body so PL means it's like a half a body and it's based on the idea that were created as one the says they were created in the image of God they were both called Adam Adam is not a man Adam is is a male and a female together that's so the Z says that every marriage essentially is that it's one and then it's separated the souls are separated the bodies are separated and it comes and pl so you literally the way you T it is PL means it's it's another half it's like my lost half and through the other person you have you lost half but there may be a deeper interpretation and it's and it's quite true and that is not that my wife needs my H but I'm telling you it's true and that is PL means you get to meet your own other half you get to meet the half of yourself that you didn't know about that's it's not just I meet another person and every person Do's the half that you didn't know and that's really what happens here there's a part of me that I never had a relationship with I never had access to it it's the pl you know the other half it's hidden away and and in a relationship somehow and hopefully becomes a blessing you know obviously everybody has to work on themselves because sometimes opening up those parts can be difficult and painful so we shut it back down but and the T finishes and that's why the name forever is ISA because isas May is look it's from is itself and then the T now gives uh very interesting the story stops now gives advice or not advice but discusses the implications of this for society and therefore it's proper for a person to say goodbye to father and mother and cleave to his wife which is interesting in the whole story it's like it's we stop for this reason because of this therefore a person does what seems quite crazy abandons yzv means not abandon but leaves leaves not abandons but leaves which this is his natural organic bosom where he was developed the Dak and he hasus Dak means cleaving right he connects to the point of now they're one flesh what's the this says your father and mother how could you get closer to somebody than your father and mother but there's something about the bus the one fles with the is which is taken from is the same word that's what the PK says and then the last PK in this whole chapter says chapter two of Bas so this is really the foundation of everything that happened in the last 5,784 years there still trying to work out hopefully soon will be finished very soon of M so what's the last this is a direct result and here they could both be a room without clothes naked and there was no shame that's how the tah ends there was no shame right afterwards the next word is and but there was a snake there's always a snake there's always a snake waiting you know snake is also inside it's not outside everything is inside snake is not in the zoo the snake is inside there's a snake waiting and the snake knows right away what he has to deal with what he has going to have to confront his shame what he's gonna have is not a good thing for the snake we need shame the moment we have shame we're good to go now we start putting on clothes and more clothes and more clothes more clothes until the whole etm could get concealed cuz there's so much clo and then the marriage is not toim the marriage is close to close my coverups helping your coverups your coverups helping my coverups and that's the Journey of the snake then we go into atadas self-consciousness trying to figure things out and controlling them with our Brilliant Minds and that's the end of the story and we're trying to find the Tree of Life it's not the end of the story it's the beginning of the story actually so what was the in the it's B but it's very very powerful stuff that the shame is born because we don't know who we are and we develop all these different types of desires and all of these different types of mechanisms and all of these different types of Defenders and all of these different parts and they create tremendous shame the way he puts it from the shom why should I be ashamed looking at the flocks of others is directly connected to it's not just physically without clothes as he said mentally emotionally there's no other Lush blocking and eclipsing the true authentic Purity and r of a person which is always Deus and always connection and then there's the deepest shame happens in the person themselves people don't realize this but uh after and eat from the tree right afterwards what happens next the first thing that happens after they eat from the tree it says they open their eyes and they realize they're naked and what happens they're they're they're feeling shame now they're feeling shame the next scene is they hear Hashem in the garden and they go into hiding that's the first story after the tree the first story after the tree is they go into hiding who they're hiding from Hashem now what does it mean to hide from Hashem what does that even mean what do you have to start believing in order to hide from Hashem what do you think you know when a kid goes like this right peekaboo and you don't see me anymore you don't see me anymore cuz I go like this what what did they start feeling that they they're hiding from God what who is this God what did God become and what did they become that they're now hiding huh separate and the ability to hide and what's the first question Hashem asks to Adam is a where are you that's the first question he doesn't ask him why did you eat from the tree that's going to be later he doesn't even ask why he says did you he says Where Are You So Adam says I heard you I heard you in the garden and I went into hiding because I realized that I'm naked so hasem says who told you that you're naked who told you that you're naked did you eat from the tree and then he starts blaming his wife okay that's how the story continues it's my wife's fault it's not me she's responsible for lunch this is what she gave me for lunch she said it's healthy and I ate it how was I supposed to know that it was poison the first question Hashem says is a where are you what you mean why you hiding for me why you hiding that's where you see theas ad made a mistake he ate from the okay why you hiding the hiding was a whole new reality The Hiding means myself has to go into hiding I cannot be here anymore I cannot face God anymore that in many ways was the greatest tragedy after theas the shame that comes with it there's no self anymore I can't trust it I have to hate it have to be embarrassed I'm going into hiding and who you're hiding from you're hiding from God what does it even mean to hide from God it means to hide from yourself what does God mean what are you hiding from what are you hiding I'm hiding from a physical person who's roaming around and I'm going to go behind the curtain what does it mean from hiding from God means hiding from yourself hiding from your own soul hiding from your own Consciousness so the first question is why do you feel you have to hide so I told you to do something you didn't do it why you hiding cuz this relationship is over that's the moment that the snake really got into them that was the first question in other words the greatest Consequence the most tragic consequence of life's mistakes and errors and sins is the shame the embarrassment the humiliation the fact that from now I'm hiding the whole reality of being truly open even with myself is gone is not here shu is eliminated from the vocabulary there is so much shame and in that shame we feel we're going to grow through that shame and in fact it becomes so uh embedded in the person that the snake really starts believing that shaming shaming the self especially is the greatest motivation so I go more into hiding more into hiding and more into hiding because whenever there's shame there's more hiding there's more eclipsing there's more clothes that cover up the essence the state of and this is what this mare tackles that when a person realizes yeah that this inner inner shame that itself is the language of the snake it's not it looks holy it's not holy that's the language that reinforces all the desires that take me away from who I am so it's like a paradox because the more shame the more distractions I have from who I am so the more shame I have like a catch 22 situation and when a person realizes that all these desires are really a result of sh so much shame and without the shame and when they could come back to their true self like Mo these desires are they're not so they're not really who you are they're all they're all ways of dealing with shame so imagine I construct and I concoct a life that is basically unconscious mechanisms to deal with shame nothing even has to do with me it's all to avoid shame how much shame is there in that life and I'm telling this is one of the hardest things because this is like embedded not in the softw this is like in the hardware like I would say so much of so much of is really trying to liberate the Jewish people from shame and the person from shame and not because they want us to be frivolous uh people running around without clothes but running around without shame the cloes of Shame stopping to feel that religion becomes enforced through shame that God's a relationship with God happens through shame no relationship in the world ever happened through Shame Shame is the destruction of a relationship that's a very good line I didn't make it up it just came in no relationship in the world has been constructed through shame unless it was a unless it was a shameful relationship now we speak about BU as it says in is you know this that's a different type of Shame it's an awe it's a reverence it's like a humility we're not talking about that here doesn't mean they weren't humble they arrogant means they weren't busy with self-hate with self- negating it's like a little baby runs around without clothes there's no shame there because he's not self-conscious because there's no ego there's a purity there it says in the Shah the shal says why weren't they embarrassed what about SAS and he says are you embarrassed from your pinky he says when you put on Fillin on your arm are you embarrassed why should you be embarrassed your arm is doing a Mitzvah so he says every part of the body is a Mitzvah every part of the body is Divinity even though parts that today we need there he says before the there was no awareness of anything else what are you embarrassed it's hard for us to understand this especially I'm dressed up in a lot of clothes right today somebody's going to take off all their clothes right and say I'm before theas in other words a certain self-consciousness it's appropriate to wear clothes today we don't say we're going to fix this by not wearing clothes by taking off your clothes you're not going to fix the issue you're going to run away from the issue the clothes are the inner clothes the inner clothes the outer clothes is because of the inner clothes yeah so looks like we wired wired to be self so if we do something wrong or appears to us to us to ourselves that it's wrong we immediately go into into shaming ourselves yeah so but it's a it's a it's a hardwired thing it's a hardwired thing because of our righteousness right our goodness so if I make a mistake or I do something wrong what do I say I say this is shameful and I also say one more thing I'm shameful and it's hard to admit especially you can admit it to God maybe I'm not sure can do but to others for sure shame yeah yeah and the shame becomes me that becomes my second name sometimes it becomes my first name and it's so so profound I often can't even recognize it and sometimes that itself becomes now the source of everything else I do and even the repentance even the chuva it's to avoid a shame the right so even my chuva can be a result of my shame so my shame is becoming even deeper even my chuva is just an expression of my shame so now my shame is wow now my shame got me to become such a sadic and there's so much shame inside there the healing of the world is the it's realizing you're not the snake in fact the snake came in in order to make you feel that you have to hide from God hide from yourself that's going to what says the need to hide even with the biggest mistake God says whyo where are you I want to have a relationship with you you can't have a relationship with me that's what dadas did the tragedy wasn't eating from the tree so you made a mistake so say I'm sorry no I have to hide now I can't show up anymore God doesn't want to see me I don't want to see him I can see him he can see me what happened there's no such a thing where you are we're one why didn't tell don't need to ashamed AA what does it mean AA where are you where are you I want to see you so he says I heard your S Voice I saw I'm naked and I knew that means I have to be in hiding in other words you can't look at me anymore so if you can't look at me you want me to look at me you're crazy if God can't look at me you want me to look at me so Hashem says who told you that you're naked ah you ate from the tree ah ah okay now you really feel separate now you're busy in your brain telling you you're good you're not good you're [Laughter] good huh I love the question what is ha's question what is CH if not shame right and let's even ask sharper without shaming people how is anybody going do TR what is TR without sh TR is the opposite TR is the ABN tra is the the abnation of sh because what does really chva mean huh the deepest form of CH H come back to come back so what am I coming back to you're coming back to yourself yeah TSH of he you're coming back to yourself so when you're coming back to yourself it's coming back to a self that's not shameful at all I realize that everything I did which was a mistake and everything I'm involved in which was a mistake and all the before what I did all the thoughts and the cravings and the inclinations and the drives and the triggers and the static and the confusion in me that brought me to this place right to these thoughts to these words to these behaviors they all began with shame so the biggest tra that I need is for the shame the biggest cha the deepest tra the most healing tra is the cha for the shame that's the deepest TR that's why the first question of Hashem is not why did you eat from the Tres where are you why hiding from me why do you feel that you have to hide you're embarrassed he says I'm embarrassed I'm nak it I'm disgusting I could never look at me again wow he says I guess you ate from the tree I guess you ate from theas the Tree of self-consciousness the tree of of separateness and did I answer your question now this is this that's why chva always you know this chat CH it says in Z there's a lower level of Chua and a higher level of chuva the lower level of chuva is just focusing on what I did right I hurt you I'm sorry I took money from you here's the money I apologize whatever it is every person in their own life Tru is focusing on the action or the words or the thoughts or the behaviors or the patterns but TR is the source of CHA it's the depth of CHA CH is realizing that the whole reason I ended up here is because I did not I was not in touch with who I am I was living in in in like in in a bubble in a bubble of shame I didn't see myself hiding from God does it mean to hide from Hashem mean what is Hashem what is Hashem he's some uh video camera the was looking at you so we hide from the video that's how we understand it that's what Adam started to understand God is the video camera you know he's Vigilant he has security guards everywhere so if you could hide somewhere behind the bush you're good and you have a lot to hide from because you're naked you're disgusting and what happens here so what what are you what are you hiding from if God is reality what does it mean to hide from reality how do you hide from reality tell me how can I hide from reality anybody knows how do you hide from reality I can hide from something physical that's looking at me that has limited Vision but how do you hide from reality how do you hide from essence you put the glasses don't see the reality something that's it you don't hide from reality you hide from the entire understanding that is reality you create a virtual reality from which you can hide in your own imagination you stop seeing reality you don't hide from God you create a new God and from that God you hide now when you do chuva most people they don't create a different God they're still in the same God but now they're not hiding from that God you understand so the Chua is is more is more sinful than the sin it's not their fault is the negative you understand what I'm saying I don't liberate myself from The Source I'm still hiding from God but now oh I'm dressed up nicely I put on a nice tie okay God look at me look at me we never fixed the issue so the TRU is worse than the sin I'm being a little dramatic but you get my point at least with a sin I knew there something has to be fixed now I fixed it already what did you fix you fixed a God that you can hide from but now I dressed up of a beautiful t I have a nice suit I'm clean I took a shower went to the Mikvah look at me he never stopped looking at you he can't stop looking at you you don't stop looking at yourself so tra means going away from the space of AA where are you I'm right here but that's that's emotionally very very intense that's that's the it's even how did not how did the snake even get other men to eat from the tree because he said to that God doesn't want you to eat from the tree cuz he knows that your eyes will be opened up and you're going to be like God in other words he's afraid of competition so you're both competing over the same reality either he's going to be God and you're going to be a subject or you're going to be too big for him so he's afraid that's what he said what's the moment so what just happened with God God became your competitor so the first thing is God became another he became another and he became somebody that you're competing with the game is over of course you hide from such things you don't tell your competitor what you the product that you're doing tomorrow you don't do that it's the worst thing competitor will eat you up alive don't tell him anything the moment the put in a new Consciousness it's a new consciousness this God you hide from of course you hide from him H yeah what you want to say I meus what what is that then what is the feeling you're saying in it says that you should create times for is grief means real grief you know before there's a organization called Fresh Start it's in Michigan it's a trauma Healing Center so before they asked me to speak to their graduates um uh because the time of is very hard for people who went through a lot of stuff religious traumas it's sh brings up a lot of stuff you know with guilt and it's miserable for them they wait for sukus or for even after sukus is even better so they asked me if I could speak to them we had like a a zoom so I spoke for a few minutes then I opened it up to questions so there was a woman who spoke maybe some of you heard it you heard it a woman who spoke and she said that uh it's online it's it's either on YouTube or the yeshiva.net but it's online was very very moving what she said it was tragic but I'm very emotionally moving she said you want me to Sayer nine times and then I'll another nine times and what I'm saying we sinned we betrayed we stole we lied we were crooked we robbed we concocted falsehood we gave bad advice we were deceptive we mocked we rebelled I'm going through the Sham over there I don't know if you know what it means in English but it's intense every word over there said all the way down to tonu you know we played games she said I did nothing of this but let me tell you what people did to [Music] me and she described what people did to her as a little girl and uh she said do you want me to lie 18 times in the day of Truth you want me to stand before God and lie a knew but God knew I'm living with this every single moment she went through just explain this to me unless you're telling me the Sid wasn't written for me fine so don't tell me to come to and open up a that is telling the story the exact opposite says I get I get but that wouldn't have worked saying you ask a question I didn't know what to say what am I supposed to say as you say was as you saying the question was was was a heart-wrenching question so I surrendered to God and I said I don't know what to say hasem if you have something to say you could say it through me and this is what came into me I said to her as follows I said it's not how I see I see it very differently you think you're talking to God and you're saying God I was such a sick evil horrific narcissistic muga dirty filthy hor horrible immoral promiscuous person and you're like no I've tried to be innocent and good I said what happens I asked her what happens if you're talking to the god inside of you what happens if you're talking to your own soul what if you can be re what if you can realize God is not there God is used to say got is Al and Al is got yeah we Sayo mul what does that really meano mul first it means you doesn't only mean the tree it also means you you're also part of so let's say go into you for a moment your soul is have a conversation with your soul I'm saying I'm I'm going to do it in English I said imagine you could look at your soul and see the child you were when you were born when you were 1 years old and look at that child and the first thing I want you to do is hug that child hug embrace it look into its eyes just look at it Marvel at its beauty at its Holiness at its innocence and then I asked joh what would you want to say to this soul today what do you think is the most beautiful and most important and most valuable thing you know what she said I would want to tell the soul I'm sorry sorry for what I'm sorry for not knowing how beautiful you were not knowing how amazing you were and therefore the felt the need to betray you unknowingly because I didn't know who I was so you're apologizing to your soul for the fact that I became so ashamed with who I am to the point that most of my habits or at least many of my habits many of my triggers many of my patterns of life became so dysfunctional simply betraying Who I Really Am because I didn't know who I am and not because you're guilty you're not you couldn't have known who you were so many glush so many fake garments were thrown onto you your system developed so many coverups so many Clippers CPUs means coverups shells husks so many different parts that came to protect you from yourself because that self was so shameful you don't even know who you were and today you could reclaim you could release you could release you could reclaim your innocence your Purity and apologize to it that you couldn't be here for it and all these words are just an expression of how much pain you're in and your soul is in and you could start building a relationship with it that's the greatest form of betrayal that's that's grief there's grief over there the journey from being frozen to being Blissful always goes through grief and T he says to get from sorry a few chapters later to get from to you go through is frozen in the beginning of but it's it's with a big to get from is depression it's it's they call it in in in in in Neuroscience it's called being in the nervous system being in a dorsal State Frozen like just Frozen to get from being in a dorsal state to being in a blissful State you go through grief that's what it is cuz without the grief you're not acknowledging that it went through something and if you don't acknowledge that it went through something it's not going to heal you have to acknowledge that it went through something you can't say nothing happened that's why you don't have to be afraid of grief grief is the acknowledgement that something terrible happened that something painful happened we're not afraid of grief it's painful but that's the pain that liberates the path out of pain is through the pain because that wakes up the reality wow there was betrayal there's grief there's no no grief here they they didn't come out of it they just went into hiding when I go into hiding is cuz I'm afraid of grief so I just continue to hide and then when I face it I hide more and then I hide more and I hide more the understands what we're talking about now this is not a philosophical conversation at all has nothing to do with philosophy this is all experiential shame is not an idea shame lives in the bones shame lives in the nervous system so is that moment so the AL says here in a relationship between the Jew and Hashem that's really what that's really that's really a state where you'll see how much love there is in you how much passion there is in you I should just tell you that this woman later wrote to me that she never had such a special y Kipper in her entire life a whole y Kipper she was talking to that part of herself and suddenly the Shamu became something so relevant so real you know why cuz there was no shame it was without shame it was with compassion it was with empathy it was a Shamu to herself it was a Shamu to the god in herself that she thought she has to hide from because he hates her meaning she hates herself such aamu is a beautiful asamu it's it's an amazing asamu so that's the that we're talking about here and therefore for in the relationship between a Jew and this is the relationship when realize they're one and she is hism and on the contrary hism he will discover through this relationship with that's why she's called is which is taken from is to over here they can have a Oneness that is unique a Oneness that is an expansiveness of the deepest self it's now they could both be without and there's no shame they could be with their most authentic pure selves and there's nothing like a relationship there's nothing in life like a relationship where people can be with each other completely exposed without any shame it's not so easy we cover up things but the moment we get rid of the shame and we could be with each other on that level it's a different type of relationship there's also a very important Point here and that is say and therefore you leave your father and mother because this is a different type ofas from a father and a mother by definition you're receiving you're a m father and mother that's that's what parents are they brought you to the world and they raise you and even if you're older and you certainly give back and children give back each one in their own way but still you're a child and there's a father and a mother the relation between is he's not a child she's not a child they were actually one and they were separated so it's a relationship as equals so it's a different type of relationship even the giving is a different type of giving because sometimes there's a difference between CRA in English a difference between craving and desire even though we sometimes confuse the two craving comes out of need I'm missing something I have a void so I crave it so this person is craving a piece of cake this person is craving to binge this person is craving schnaps especially this hour in the morning is a great time to drink that's why we have it all over the place this person is craving nicotine this person is craving to get rid of their boredom so that's why we have phon you always get rid of your boredom at any moment whatever we're craving this person is craving another person this one has a crush every person with their craving I have a need and somehow this will fill my need of course we all know how much it helps it fills it maybe for five minutes maybe for 20 seconds maybe for a few days and then I need more and usually more and more and more and more CU a craving is coming from a need that's inside of me it's a void that's inside of me and now I want you or this to fill that void that's what craving is so it's coming from something that I'm missing real desire is coming from a different place real desire is coming from a place of absolute fullness I want to read something somebody sent me something very powerful and then I understood what it means is desire craving and addiction is not desire craving and addiction is pain desire arises from a place in you that is full craving arises from a place in you that is empty you understand the difference craving craving is this pain in me please please fill that fill that and we all figure out ways can you fill it fill it fill it you know if I finish a year just give me validation tell me that it was a life Cher okay so I exist and everyone has that I need my validation I need my my my filler you know fill my cup it's empty so we walk around fill my cup fill my cup I want my wife to fill my cup I want my kids to fill my cup you know some people they want their children to compliment them right anybody relates to this they want their children to Fill Their Own emptiness it's like if my kids could say nice things about me I'm going to feel good they want their kids should like them should love them they want their kids to be their friends no no no that's not what your kids are for they weren't created to be your friends go find friends you need somebody to compliment you go find some is that what you kids were created for to be your friends we you don't need your kid to be your best friend your kid needs you to be their best friend that yeah but I may not have had parents like that so I don't know your kid needs you to be your best friend they can trust you but you don't need your child to be your best friend if my child didn't compliment me o be I need to be a parent so sometimes I'm walking around and I'm just craving this is what this is what all addiction is it's just intense craving it's not desire it looks like desire it's not desire it's emptiness if it was desire so you have it so why tomorrow am I miserable again way tomorrow half an hour I'm miserable desire comes from a place in you that's full so why do you desire you desire from a place of expansiveness because you're so full you want to connect cuz you want more of the self because what when you're really full you're connected you're connected with yourself you're connected with Hashem so you want love because it's part of who you are that's what other is saying not because I'm empty and I need you to fill my emptiness but because I'm full and I this desire is coming out of my fullness it's coming from the fullness of life and the fullness of life is you want more you want more of life you want more of that it's a very subtle distinction so I'm not looking for the relate when says this what is it God was lonely he was depressed he was anxious he was imperfect what's no it comes from fullness it comes from infinity infinity is expansive the desire is not a desire of need that's like I'm a NE case and you're going to fill me and then when you don't fill it it's a disaster and now all my problems are your fault from that place I'm searching for a relationship because I'm full not because I'm empty for this you have to get to know those parts of you usually we don't see it that way and therefore there's there there's a little shame in it there's always a little shame like I'm I'm I'm being a parasite I'm feeding off you over here there's no shame so that's what he says it's because it's my atmus when you're my atmus that's why I desire you I desire you because we're really connected so because I'm truly in touch with me I'm full of love to you on the contrary the more I'm in touch with me the more I'm connected to me the more I'm connected to you it's connection [Music] and then there's no shame there's is on the contrary you you you appreciate your fullness we're all going to get there my friends we're all going to get to a place of relationships without shame OB we don't need to shame ourselves or others to create obedience there's no need for it it's part of the G mentality there's no need for it and says that in in spirituality the deepest form of this relationship is Li because to is divine it's like the SE the Tipper of hasem like the sperm the seed of life says a he brings the what was the so even the way the is now where has is dressed up in but it's still and that's why it's called Isa and when the Jew truly absorbs T what is the real experience of ta is intimacy with the Divine because it's even the way the comes into you have the way the is going to be when comes and even today the when it's stripped from the it's pure core Beyond where you see the pure but even the way the comes into even now and therefore and then and the person and as says that when a Jew learns what does real mean what does it mean to real I never saw anyone describe Li this way it's me going into the Garment of T me immersing myself in and Hashem is also the says when a Jew learns is immersing in so it's two people with the same there's no deeper intimacy than that it's literally two people under the same says if a husband or a wife insist they're going to be together but they're going to remain in Clos it's a foundation for divorce it's a legitimate it's a legitimate cause for divorce in other words it's unacceptable for a marriage to stay in your clothes here you see a classic example of what is about a very technical thing I mean so technical a husband or wife insist who no problem give her a divorce and give her a Let Her Go free this is not something you Dem you this is this is an illegitimate demand you need a lot of healing say no I want a relationship but in Clos it's not marriage it's a fascinating G but sees the whole this is a relationship this is what's called G relationship stop this is what looks like it's not what a marriage looks like with God it's the same thing stop wearing clothes take them off the was so cha is not we think CH is putting on heavier clothes in said I'll put on more clothes I'll put on such good clothes I'll put on three Str instead of one stral so now God will look at me I'll put on three beckes instead of one Beck so now I can walk in I'll put on a guard till that's much [Music] thicker now we be we we but that I'm going to put on more so he'll look at me no the problem is the chuva is reinforcing the the shame you need to go to a place without then when you put on clothes the clothes could be an expression of the relationship not the opposite what happens is clothes become a substitute for the relationship it's like in yeshivas where people turn look to a and all they see is what he's dressed like and that becomes the whole focus of the relationship do you know there's somebody behind the Garment and what does the boy feel like nobody even knows that I exist nobody sees me nobody notices me what's the problem Yeshiva shouldn't have a uniform of course they should have a uniform but the Yesa wasn't created for a uniform the uniform was created for the people not the other way around there's a person there connect to the person then we'll also figure out the clothes don't worry we'll figure out the clothes there's a person there's a relationship I'm not talking in words I'm talking about an experience the worst thing is when boys or girls don't feel noticed nobody sees me who am I there's a person here there's a person there's dreams there's a soul there's a heart you understand what I'm saying so it creates shame and more shame and more shame and more shame we're not suggesting that people should walk around youas without clothes that's not the point you get the point so op up get KCK out yeah that's another disaster that's exactly the same point [Music] if a boy can't feel a b can't feel the freedom to be able to really be himself and sheare himself authentically that means this is a place filled with shame this is not a place where I could where I could be where I could be real so how can I grow here I can grow here I can only put on the right garments to hide myself so you always have to ask yourself a question am I creating a place where people have to hide themselves more in order to be successful or am I creating a place where people can actually open themselves up and be successful yeah yeah yeah and now I go into life and these Lush become my oxygen because this is what made me accepted and now years later there's no I don't even know who I am I'm just so filled with shame and it's such a sad thing it's so sad it's so sad like don't be afraid of what's behind the garments don't be afraid you're not going to find you're going to find you're not going to find the core of evil you're going to find the core of good and the evil that you find is probably there because of the shame which means it's not evil as much as it's shame I think this is very very important things so this the intimacy in is that you and hasem are in the same but says there one condition I have to take off my own if I go under your with my if I go under my spouse's it's we're not on when the person takes away their which means all the otherness that are distracting which they could let go from now what is real learning to real learning is the deepest form of intimacy it's not no that's why we say we shouldn't be embarrassed we should be able to face ourselves fully without shame in for eternity I should be able to say that I did not neglect the real self that's the most shameful thing in the world the most shameful thing in the world is shame right it's the fact that I was completely completely neglectful of who I really am I should know that my authentic my authenticity is what's running my life is what I'm connected with that's that was the main and that's the second type of relationship he spoke about the relationship that could be concealed that was and then pay to giml the relationship of a husband and a wife where they do this work and they come back to this place of there's no shame there's no other the deepest is and that's expressed deepest through learning in a relation between and so the real experience of Li is absolute intimacy without garments without any distracting garments you and hasem in one that's why learning T by Al it's organic it's it's the most Blissful experience why it's a state of Oneness it's a state of Oneness without any with the pure truth with the pure reality with Adam who they become one fles that's what to is certainly which has no but even which is filled with so it's you and under the same even the way it's now with it's still so now he comes to the last tickle of the mare it's actually not a long because there's a big parenthesis here so we won't sit a long time I just want to get to the we now come back to the theme he started over the whole and he said has a Zuck of G the word v has remember right in the beginning of the it starts off that when you make a vow you have to keep it and then it says it's called Z of God in the canell in the Trum when she makes a promise when in the house of her father when she's young and her father hears about it and he's quiet so then the N applies if she's a n if she's a child you don't take it seriously by a male or a fale she's a Ned she's already 12 years old and the father confirms it's F if the father anuls it then it's an olded and then it says but if she's married and she's married it says b goes into she's already in the house of her husband she's married and then her husband is quiet so then the applies and if he nullifies it so doesn't apply and this is the whole pares thear and he finishes these are the laws that hasm told M about a husband and a wife and a father and a daughter explains the on a deeper level so he says like this a woman it starts off woman who makes a what's this idea to make a NE and prohibit on yourself things that are permissible the person should say it says in the nth chapter of it's enough what prohibited we have enough prohibitions enough things you to do don't make me new don't make me new so what's this whole concept that the T does allow a person to make a and not only that right we sometimes praise it it says in per nador could be a very good thing it can help for pricious it can help keep you segregated and protected from certain things you make a nether it's good you make a vow a commitment so takic today is it says in always say B so you don't get into problems I'm not going to eat cake for a whole year just say B so that the next you don't have to make a it's always good to say B I'm going to give every day B fine but even the concept of what's the of making so we have like a we have two different Trends in is good or not good thei says we don't like it there's enough prohibited whatever is permissible Let It Be permissible you don't have to answer everything in fact even adds over there an interesting thing that when a person is going to come before the covered after 120 years God is going to God is going to say why didn't you enjoy everything in my world I created for you to enjoy it why did you not enjoy it that's what he continues to say why did you deprive yourself why they say sh Rafal H he was the r of Frankfurt I said that he went to St Moritz to Switzerland say you ever went to St meritz it's beautiful there so they said why did he say they asked him why he went to St meritz he said that one day when I was in Switzerland they told it to me they told it to me in a perfect Swiss I can't do in a perfect Swiss they said said one day I'm going to come to heaven and God is going to say did you see did you see the Swiss Alps did you see the Alps that I created and I'm going to say no he's going to say I don't understand how far is Germany from Switzerland you couldn't go see my Swiss Alps say he's not going to have what they answer his point was the world is here for you to appreciate there's so much to learn from it so why you making an so that's what Al is asking here and the answer of course is the answer is going to be everything is true it depends on your State of Consciousness depends on your state of and here you have to be very very honest with yourself and not lie this is very sharp words the truth is there's no difference between and what do we mean what do mean there's no difference this is permissible this is not permissible yeah this is forbidden this is not forbidden this is and then there could be a drink I don't know it's forbidden but the word and is means something deeper it says in t the word what does the the word het mean not permissible what does the word het mean or is what do the word is mean anybody knows not forbidden what does the word really mean huh bound up is a prison we say every morning a very relevant means hostages people who are tied up when it says it means to tie up tie up we're tied up we're fined we're in shackles right why is it called a b cuz people are stuck there they're confined they can't get out they're in Chains physical chains or simply locked up behind Gates so what does it mean what's is M untying so why is called and is called is it's not just this is forbidden this is forbidden why is it forbidden so the ALB explains in t in the seventh chapter and many other places it's forbidden because it's tied up the energy is tied up m means the energy is not tied up you have access to it when someone is in prison I have no access it's locked everything has energy everything is divine from the right the whole Earth is filled with things through which you can be acquired that's how the said you can I can acquire you through everything everything is his word but user means I have no access to it the energy is so hidden or embedded or locked up so therefore I have to stay away because if I use it it's going to be in the wrong way it's going to be counterproductive m means it's untied you can re Elevate you can retrieve the full opportunity here yeah let's give a very simple example since this is a men's Shear at Le virtually it's not a men's Shear there's more women than men as you usual but physically it's a men's she right a person has a crush on a woman that doesn't belong to him yeah I want to just tell you a an a you see how a person knows how to answer a I heard this from my mother years ago that there was once a woman she came to S 70 and she saw the he came out so she gave him the second one so she gave him uh she gave him her hand to shake yeah so he said to her he looked at her and with a kindness with a child he said listen to how he answered when I was a little child my mother taught me not to touch something that doesn't belong to me when I was a little child my mother taught me not to touch something that doesn't belong to me she felt like a billion dollars you know what I mean you see how somebody responds in a way just the elegance and also the humility when I was a little child is why my mother taught me yeah you have to know if it belongs to you it doesn't belong to you right sometimes I want to have a convers ation with somebody but if I know you say oh there's a Divine spark there there's a Divine spark but you got no access to the Divine spark okay you're you're you're in a place of a void okay the cake I want this cake there's a Divine spark there's a Divine spark in the cake but it's not for you okay somebody who weighs 75 pounds they'll eat the Divine spark in the cake cuz you're not looking for the Divine spark you're looking to fill a void you're not going to have access to it when something is forbidden there's a Divine spark there but it's User it's tied up for at least for me it's tied up cuz sometimes for one person it's tied up for another person it's not tied up you have truma right for a it's azv for somebody else it's an but generally that's the difference of this when you understand that you understand that deep down the difference between and is a very subtle one it's really where you are but when a person is not in a position if I'm not in a state of consciousness I'm sitting down in front of a piece of steak I'm sitting down in front of a plate of pasta if I'm not in a right State of Consciousness I could become a victim to the food I'm not eating the food the food is eating me we all know [Music] that take the phone of people right the phone is is it's it's it's neutral you could use it for good thing but sometimes this person yeah they're eight hours on it they can't put it away so they're not using they're not elevating it on the contrary it completely owns them the same is true in everything that's when the becomes a very good way of knowing how to create bounderies there's an expression in sanctify yourself with what with what with what is permitted to you he's not only going to do himself Injustice he's going to do Injustice to the thing you have to also feel bad the thing is energy and you're going to lower it down and therefore it's going to lower you down you're going to degrade that thing too it's not just you be sensitive to the world the world is energy if you're not using it in a way that you're going to liberate it and help it you're actually going to degrade it who gives you permission to do that it's not your world so there's a relationship I have to I have to be in a state of cons you're eating God's Apple are you worthy of eating God's Apple you just tore off an apple from the tree you just killed it maybe it was the right thing are you worthy of it you're worthy of eating this tomato it's a derer for the world When God says I want you to enjoy my world if you're coming to this Alps and you're going to you're going to be in the right State of Consciousness if you're just using it and manipulating and exploiting it cuz you yourself are are are are in a place of deficiency so then I won't elevate it I'll degrade it and it's going to degrade me further steak everybody knows steak is a of course if it's kosher but everybody knows if you're not in the right space what it can do to you the same is true with wine the same is true with so many other things relationship ship conversations everything there's conversations that are user there's conversations that are M but it doesn't mean it's a good conversation could be a it could be a c it's going to be a conversation that's going to be very very counterproductive is it technically us or it's not us we could be talking about money we could be talking about uh politics maybe it's an important conversation but everybody knows it could take an hour or two hours of the time and really dull your senses everything has Soul everything has a soul everything if it exists in the world a cell phone is not made yes by people it's using God's world to make a cell phone of the computer it's using it everything has Divine energy it may be a creation from a creation from a creation you're right it's not the original creation from but it still theel says everything has a soul theel says even even a rock has a soul you're right but the cell phone is used the cell phone was made from the energies from the resources that Hashem put into the world take technology right now this she is being being recorded there's a mic there's a video there's a computer there's a live stream we all know how much technology had to go and to make that happen so what is technology people say technology is user technology is not user technology is aam but doesn't mean it's not us depends what you're talking about this same thing can be elevated you take the technology and you elevate and it becomes Divine and it's fulfilling the purpose for which it was cre it or I could take the technology and degrade the technology itself and that's what people need training in you know when we say all technology is User it's the worst thing that ever happened it's it's inauthentic that's why it doesn't register with people it's not true it could be a horrible horrible thing and it could be an amazing amazing thing depends depends your perspective that's what people need to understand if you don't have to have technology and you could be in your room without technology it'll probably be much much easier and it's a gal there was a there was a I was in Israel so was I was interviewed by a radio by a radio call so the director tells me I said why do you call me for this so he says that a few years ago there was a a big radio a big radio in Israel television and they called him to interview him about the topic so the guy say why don't you call RA Steinman R Steinman in the litv world he was the he was the leader of the L World iron Steinman from benra why do you call Steinman he's a bigger he's he's the expert on this the guy says kman doesn't have a telephone you have a telephone so I'm calling you if time would have a telephone I would call him you he doesn't have a telephone okay so he was lucky you know if you don't if it's no Mitzvah to use these things but the point is we have to understand the potential and if a person is going to say I don't use technology because it's you may be depriving the whole world from so then maybe that's the sin you have to always understand what the is I'll call upon him that's the the says when you D it should be with literally means a heavy head he says what's the idea is the same letters like my head or a head for me is when something you know gravity is pulling down your head you know when you're feeling lethargic and heavy instead of feeling light and Sublime so is when the head becomes heavy it's slept down see so sometimes you take something that's per forbidden permissible but it's it sleps down your head it's cover it's like wearing putting a heavy burden on you and now you're slept down is it forbidden you're not free anymore you're not open anymore I'm eating a food if I know as a result of this food my heart is going to get closed down my head is going to get closed down it's forbidden for me I technically it has a good heure technically it has a good but for me it's forbidden another person could eat it the same is true with every relationship this person has to know you drink this wine for you it's forbidden for somebody else it may be a Mitzvah it's p same is true talking to this person yeah if you have an issue here you got to get into a conversation for you you're going to come out with your head is going to be in the G it's not for you I it's there's no difference in means you could bring it up to God and if you're not bringing it up to God it's not it's is cuz for you it's tied up that's what Al is saying so you have to be very honest what what state am I in what state am I in I have an asso with food I have an asso with food I go to aim huh you wouldn't know because of how good I look but I haven't assigned with food I know I have to be very very careful I'm in a conversation with somebody yeah when I finish a speech my natural temptation is to eat to it's a way of releasing energy but it's a it's it's a dangerous thing for me I'm not saying for other people may be the best thing in the world salad not but other things you but it's a beautiful meal and it's a bagel and the guy is announcing that it's this s's yard side so it's a Mitzvah to say and it's a Mitzvah you know how the shash here go around it's a Mitzvah to eat this and a Mitzvah to eat this for him it may be a Mitzvah because if it's a yard side but for another person it may be a death sentence for the day it's means the head is going to be slept down and everybody has that in their life you have to know calling it hat doesn't mean it's m you have to know if it's real hat hat means is the energy of available to you if the Divine energy in it available to you if it's not available to you you're relationship with it is going to be toxic and when you with it is toxic it's going to slep that down it's going to slep you down this means always being in a state of of of of realness of Consciousness sometimes we lose ourselves you know I'm in a bad mood I'm too exhausted okay then you have to go to sleep but this is what it means to live with Consciousness to live with alertness to be alert and then even if it's m precious is the right thing precious means to segregate yourself so he says so so so what's the story with nadarim is it enough what ta prohibited or not he said essentially ideally you don't have to add any prohibition on the ta's prohibition if it's m it's m but you need to know in your own and on the contrary God says I want you to enjoy my world but you have to know are you going to be able to enjoy the world or are you going to just be using the world to fill a void to distract you from your pain you're not even going to be enjoying the world you know when people go on vacation just to get away from their life but they're really dealing with so many stuff they can't even enjoy what is because it's just I'm looking for another distraction I'm looking for another distraction if I'm going on vacation to look for another distraction I'm going to be looking for another distraction I need a vacation from my vacation so you need a vacation from your vacation and home is going to look good something wrong with going on vacation vacation going on vacation is a getting but you have to know where you are who you are you know what it's [Music] about a person who's not in a position of sublimating the things we said before that Isa the woman represents the Jewish people means in her youth meaning in youth meaning a level of spiritual immaturity I'm still in the beginning of my growth is I'm still in a state of is a the feminine I'm receiving and therefore I have to be extremely cautious what I could take in what I can't in it's called before she received the masculine seed in other words pre-marriage which represents the idea before the person experienced intimacy with the Divine this is metaphoric this is the first love interesting expression the first love the love that we spoke about before ped B where there's a love where I still I'm not completely integrated it's a love that could still be concealed in other words there still other loves in my life and that's why I need because I'm still Blended and entangled with other loves that's it's back to the P he used before was still in a desert you still followed me but you followed my back is because you yourself weren't completely one with yourself so therefore I still have a lot of other desires and here I have to say no no no no no this is still the of what [Music] of is a lower it's where I have to say no sorry sorry I can't this is not for me why SCF is not a bad thing it's the beginning it's a call the first love this is going to be the second love you know you say the first love of my life the second love of my life Harry Tes the first love of my life means the love of esaf the second love of my life is a interes means the first stage of love the first stage of Love is recognizing that these patterns these behaviors it's not what I really want it's not who I really am there are distractions coming from my shame and therefore I'm going to un blend myself I'm going to disentangle myself I'm not going to go down that because if I go down that place I'm not going to be able to be curious and ever find out who I really am I have to be able to put the brakes on going down that line that's this is what we spoke about the first love of a child to a father with the love between a child and a father could sometimes not be completely revealed on the contrary it can be with a lot of pain I want to have my father but I don't feel I have my father there's always a love there even the pain is coming from love that's what he said in ped B the relationship between parents and children it's not a relationship with there's necessarily 20 4 hours conscious love and that's what parents have to know even when your child is not in that state he's still your child you still be a father Don't Run Away you don't need your kid to feel that you are you don't need you to feel that your kid is your best friend who's always going to say something amazingly validating you want your child to be able to be a child they don't have to have the pressure of serving as your best friend you be their best friend they don't have to be your best friend I once gave a I said means respect your father and mother it also means something else respect your fatherhood and motherhood respect yourself as a father respect the father inside of you you're not a baby you're a father you're not a baby you're a mother it's a very important Mitzvah respect your father and mother but also respect your father and mother inside you you're a leader you're a mentor you're not a six-year-old who's looking to your six-year-old to make you feel good then your six-year-old can't have a father you say but I am a six-year-old okay so find people who will help your six-year-old but when you're talking to your six-year-old be a father your six-year-old needs a father your seven-year-old needs a father your 12-year-old needs a father guess what your 30-year-old also needs a father and if there's anybody here who's 90 years old your 70 year old also needs a father so that's the first thing since you're still in a relationship with hem called is means I'm his wife I'm is the feminine who receives literally means the opening the cavity a man's pattern is to conquer the woman's path is not to [Music] conquer she's not supposed to go out to war to be says that's why is not her is not to conquer to be aggressive without what does that mean spiritually when you're in a state of is you can go and conquer the world when I'm in a state of is I need to protect my boundaries you have to be sensitive to your Das you have to protect your Das is theid of of going out and conquering the world and elevating it when you're in a state of is you have to protect if I go out to conquer I could lose it that's that's this is what it means in a so now I make a nether what's the nether the nether is protection precious I'm staying away I'm not conquering I know what I could conquer and I know what I can't conquer the worst thing is you go out to conquer and you end up with nothing you lost everything you had better fortify yourself that's the idea of this represents the idea of fortify yourself and create a strong boundary create a good wall around your home better than conquering so you have a home you have a home it says that the K in the mishk was made from the mirrors of the women yeah the the mirrors the women used in to be able to excite their husbands Rashi says didn't want to use it he says it's made for the says no this is the best this is so the de one said it's interesting what was The Cure used for theim should wash their hands and feet sanctify their hands and feet before they went into the Mish know that the whole point of the K was cleanly spiritual Clan before and what was it made of it was made of the mirrors so it's the that the woman has the to know what are the boundaries what goes into the bik and what stays out of the bik what goes into the Mish what STS out of the Mish that's the of creating a fortified house and then there's the you go out to con when you go out to conquer you can also get dirty so before you come back into the house to the mishkan you need a k and that K was created from the women's mirrors so it's a different a you have to know which a you're in and in each person you have the is and the is each person in the man and in the woman so at this point cannot be elevating that which is permissible why because you're not yet in a state of transformation and therefore the darkness is Darkness what I can do is I can identify the darkness and say you're not going to Define me and that's why if it's Mo which means extra it can degrade me two lines later and that's why which is all about promises and vows made its way into to the section of of called women's you have because it's all about it's all about a relationship it's about marriage so is is about marriage and you have of course sa is about a woman who betrays and you have a g is divorce and Kad but then you have n and noer that has doesn't have to do with women it has to do with men and women men could make Nar and women could make n nozer a man could be a nozer and a woman could be a nozer it's true there were many male ner but a woman could also be a nozer it's it's not connected so the says but it doesn't fall into about vows says the whole of is because I'm in a state of is when the Jew is in that relation where I'm receiving in other words I'm not a full partner with Divine I don't realize how Divine I am I'm still in a state of Isa which means I'm receiving now you need now you need a nether you need a nether it's still so it's not yet and we have to always acknowledge the state when I'm entangled with something and I'm feeling all these cravings and desires I can't just say oh everything is good my darkness is transformed into light you're lying to yourself and you're going to end up a mess I have to know there's different parts now that took over and they're slepping me down these places and if I ever want to know who I really am I have to be able to stop and say no I'm not going to follow that behavior that's a NE I'm G to stay away I'm going to segregate myself and the more you do that the more you could see what is really behind the desire and then you could transform it cuz really it's not darkness really it's light every desire deep down is just camouflaging a desire foras but I'm not there yet I still have a desire to this thing which is not vas and if I don't stop it it's going to be Darkness it's not going to be light it's such an important idea cuz people today you know they jump here they jump we have like two extremes either everything is forever evil and dark or everything is forever good and holy it doesn't work that way there's a there the whole the whole the whole premise behind the D is that I'm in I'm in that state of a relationship with Hashem when she gets married she's not anymore what she gets married she becomes one with the is in in spiritually means you're one with Hashem there's no other it's the second love when she received the she absorbed the tip the seed of life just like physically there's a marriage there's intimacy so the woman the Jew receives the seed of because the seed comes from the brain is the higher chamber the Chamber of hem is the of hem so I have his and now doesn't work intimacy you not let it be with cloth when she's receiving the seed of life there's no closeth you're not allow to have cloth what does this mean spiritually this is the moment where you could take get rid of your where you have the power to be able to open yourself up to your truth I'm divested I'm stripped from any alien desire I really I don't have another desire now I'm one with I just want to be with you now he nullifies the ne now you know what do you need a NE for if my only desire is you so then anything in the world is going to be you it's going to be part of you you don't have to run away from anything you don't have to disengage if it's forbidden yeah but if it's permissible if I have otherness and distractions I have have to be very very careful but when is that moment of then on the contrary what are you adding your for now everything is an extension of that because there's no other I'm not being distracted I'm in that state of true Oneness now whatever you have a relationship with you're going to bring light to it transform darkness and this is the this is the even as a girl there still the concept of a father being May for like he explains in the and that's theab which is which is that every person even in a state of ESF has moments of it's not like one or the other and over there there's but generally it's these two states of the first love and and the second love a long parentheses here it's whole beer from the in the but this is basically the end of the Mim [Music] you want to ask something we were talking about last time and also time about the nature of the father to the son is automatic connection therefore you're not it's not a state of you're always trying to make you're fighting something that was last year yeah right and today we spoke about of the man the woman is are Ser more as woman very good question why did I say last week that a husband and a wife are essentially separate and they become one we learned you're right yeah Adam and were created as one but then they were separated and now the journey is to bring them back together and reveal that inate Oneness by parents and children Even in our world it starts off as one and then it goes into separation so you're right the husband and the wife originally come from but the way it was set up with and is they were separated and now hasem brings to says Ah this is and that becomes the journey in every relationship it starts off as two separate people is born in his house kava is born in her house could be different communities could be different countries different continents certainly different families you don't marry somebody in your family it's Aras and then they come together you're right in that togetherness they're revealing the originally but that's a journey that begins with two people who are separate and have to choose each other nature relationship was based off the original state that's thought we said it last so the original original state is they different in the nature of their relationship yeah Adam and were originally one but then they were separated and had to reconnect from separateness and it's and it's in that separateness that they find the that's that's the separateness in which they find it's in the other it's in the other that the real atus of the person finds itself that's what we explain what desire is versus craving right in craving I'm just looking to fill an emptiness in me and desire comes actually you're full so what are you looking for you're full but that's what the desire is the desire is not coming because I'm empty the desire is coming because I'm full we always think a desire like I need I'm needy I'm needy but it's not is not needy it's not I love you because I need you you it's I need you because I love you it's different it's a different type of need it's a it's a much deeper need because it's not from a void if it's a need because it's filling my void so the moment the void is filled I don't need you anymore have a good day there's a lot of relationships in the world marriages uh and other forms of relationships that are very based on need in other words I'm feeling horrible about myself okay and this person somehow in my mind has a picture perfect personality a body a mind a soul and if I can only get their love and attention and validation it's going to fill me up you understand but it's not because I'll never be able to be first of all they're not as perfect as you think that's the first thing it's just because I'm so miserable in myself this person I am imagine to have all those milus that I don't have and if you can only be with me I'll have it huh this is what a lot of unfortunately a lot of relationships are based on yeah but what happens is it doesn't work it doesn't work for two reasons first of all the person is not exactly who you think they are number one most importantly is you're not me you're not going to be able to do it for me nothing could fill your Void outside of your own soul you know why cuz if it's anything outside of your own soul filling your Void it's not going to be filling your Void it's going to be distracting myself from my void it's going to be running away from my void the only thing that can fill my void is what created the void what created the void the created the void is that I didn't know who I am I'm not connected to myself my soul is not my best friend I don't feel my inner Rhythm my inner Bliss my nervous system is not regulated my prefrontal is not open and I can't feel my Divine Soul I'm stuck so now I need you to make me feel good and I need you and you and you and you and sometimes relationships are built around this but they're never long lasting because they're coming from a person's emptiness they're coming from a person's emptiness and you cannot fill my emptiness people get married to avoid their misery you can't you have to heal your misery from within we all do now it's hard it's much easier to okay you you're going to you're going to do it for me you're not going to do it for me you can't you cannot do it for me it would be nice but nobody can do this nobody has to do it you got to you we need to become our own best friends people think they get married their wife is now going to heal them from all their issues she cannot first of all she has her own issues okay that's number one and number two she cannot heal you from your issues women get married my husband will it doesn't work that way he has his own issues I know your husband he has his own issues we can help each other we can help each other by being a support by being a powerful support but we can help each other I cannot fill that for you it doesn't just doesn't work it's not supposed to work you're until you don't find that you're Divine how am I going to fill it me filling it is going to make you more miserable it's just going to teach you that you're not Divine and that's what you're really looking for so it's not just I would love to but I can't you don't even want me to because then you'll never know who you are you are the most beautiful person in the world you're a like you love yourself if you don't love yourself how could you love anybody else can't love your spouse if you hate yourself I never saw that in my life I never saw a husband who love hates himself and loves his wife he may be infatuated he may be obsessed he may be dependent but love he may be needy needy yeah love comes from desire real desire desire comes from your fullness once you're full now you're naturally in a state of love you know why people think to be a you have to be full of void no when you're full you're in a state of love you know why because then you reflect God and God loves the nature of good is to be good when you're Divine you love CU God loves he's the source of life so you become a source of life you become a source of love and you feel your connection once you're Divine you're one you're one with the world so you love you're connected and it begins inside the house so it's but how do you get to that it comes from two people who are organically separate physically biologically and from there they come to that oness [Music] everybody here is out of a job [Laughter] everybody or it's after messiah's coming you don't have to work anymore the is paying all the bills huh all thank you the whole the whole first I don't mean to chase anybody away you could sit meditate learn H the whole first CLE of of getting to your essence and removing all the shame that leads into the because a person only uh needs the nether because not touch themselves and therefore they cannot ose the world properly yeah when I when I when I don't when I when I don't really know when I'm not fully in touch with my Core Essence which is very normal because we all have blockages we have a lot of different Cravings which are all distractions if I'm in a weaker place right I may I may have a crush on this person and this person is filling a void if I go down that craving and I start developing a relationship with that person who's not my spouse what am I going to be doing I'm going to be destroying them and me it's a very strong craving that's the moment where I need a scaff you I have to realize there's a part of me that somehow is going to get filled by this fake relationship for a few days for a few months for a few weeks whatever it is maybe for a few years that's why I need a nether a nether means the idea of saying I have to create proper boundaries this is not a conversation it's not a relationship I should be pursuing I don't say my desire is so holy if I want to be with you now for 24 hours it's holy no it's not now deep deep down at the core it is but it's camouflaged with clippers and I'm not going to get to the Holiness of it if I'm not ready to first pierce through the Clippers that's a scaf es scaf is the most compassionate thing of understanding that if you want to get to the truth behind the desire you have to be able to strip it from its outer layers the only way I could strip it from L is if I don't pursue it if I pursue the desire in its language right now you're going to fall into it I'm going to fall into the clip of it esaia means I'm not going to lie I want to know who it really is in fact when you do aafia you're helping the desire you're getting to its pus it's almost like somebody comes to a doctor right and says you know my I have this terrible terrible terrible wound take care of it that says let me take an x-ray no no no no no no no no no let me take an x-ray cuz then we'll be able to really heal you so is scafi is let's take an X-ray let's take an MRI no no no no just do this no no no let's let's take an X-ray let's not pursue the outer picture wait wait we'll come back I'm here for you no you'll see it always wants to right now right now right now no no right let's take an x-ray and then you discover what the real desire is the outer desire was to this because now desire was had a lot of Defenders it was a lot of distraction so that's when I need a Nether and then it helps me to grow and really see what's behind it and then you'll discover that the whole depth of this desire was simply a way of compensating for something else there's some deep shame there's some yeah there's a deepame it's a that's covering up because I'm why am I ashame I'm ashamed maybe because I wanted a certain relationship why did I want that relationship because of my godliness and maybe it wasn't betrayed so I created these and I have all these and then you say oh wow this whole rum was really a desire foras and then I'm not even looking for that anymore I'm looking for realas and that's a and then you don't have to disengage you don't have to run away because now the conversations will be coming from my truest self and those conversations won't take you down the wrong places you always put the line about addicts read the line say addicts have the Lin TWY would say was Dr tki say there was there was a yid once it's a very Aid story you have to know uh you have to know how to apply it again but there was a y in he once came to the Reb for dollars he told the Reb that he's a ra he's a he's a leader in a city he hasus it was an influential person and the women want he should give shur the but he feels it's not s it's not s for him to teach women p and it's probably the wrong thing so the told them you should check your you should check your you understand what he's saying you have to work you have to work on yourself the end the then how do you get out of all this how do you really then come and release your is by and just end in other words he was in he was in a state of weakness and he turned that into Perfection like you know I'm a holy guy and he said no you have to check your because if if women need you to give a and teach so maybe that's an important Mission but maybe you you need some K you need some more Holiness in your life like was a little counter intuitive to be able to go into that place you need to become more yeah you you need to you need to be protected if you're going into a if you're going to teach uh if you're going in to teach women and you're coming out withus then stay home you may not be in that place you may not be in that position so he said what are interesting what he told them I found it very interesting he was like a very wasn't a he wasn't he was and and he said in other words maybe you need more fortification end like last like end okay then how do you make for yourself how do you release yourself from all this with the how did that just how did that play into like fears and all this no so how we just like basically we we you just explain like you Release Yourself by stepping back and getting to the and getting to where right so is saying that this second level of a that's what he said that's the deepest experience of that's not it's not means you have other in other words there's things covering up our relationship and therefore I'm looking for other things I'm looking for other when this no so this just so there's no other there's no other so you don't need you don't have to run away that we saying that is Li you also have to do Li once you're in that space so that's the real experience when he says when a Drew learns T without any so he's with Hashem in one and he absorbs the tipa the tipa of life that's like intimacy so that's where you have the deepest experience of one us there's no other R that's when you get to your true self that's where you're holding by that state it's not necessarily because you're learning T then you're in the same state of learning the state of and you're just with your that's what real represents real Li represents that me and hasem are in the same garment if you moved everything else that's that same state yeah that's you've achieve yeah it's a it's like a state of consciousness yeah it's not it's not about doing a might at that point right it's it's it's what represents in in the life of the Jew being with being obviously when a Jew is learning tit then that that's much more emphasized but that's the idea yeah so practically the avoid of this is to first take a step back that's when take a step back always comes after always after not worldall that people already like don't know came from yes so I believe that concept that somebody who has TI for something is spiritual you just I mean obviously everything spiritual because everything everything comes from but what can you can I'm sure you can find Jewish source for everything smart enough you can you can back up anything but I don't think Jewish concept concept just just cre into that if you addicted you Mama should but just you just somehow wrong it's not you constantly say that all type of TI come from on the first step it was interesting I was question you mention well you're right there's a SC a you're right but means that deep down in the darkness there's a light that's hiding very de you're right you're right and you can't I can't start with saying my darkness is light cuz I'm going to end up very dark you're right right if I have if I have a crazy craving for alcohol or for other stuff and all I saying oh it's all light so let me go drink it's ridiculous the person never no that's no that's another idea that CH the idea idea is that that CH brings a person to a different place facing our Brokenness and our Darkness brings us to a completely different place that even they can't reach right I'm saying so that's that's that's another powerful idea what the jewice for this kind any desire for something wrong it's a holy desire the source for it I'm sure find the source for it is cabala that that all all that the whole all the Tas of theas are a result of of the breaking of the vessels fragmentation and if you trace it back to the original core you'll find that it's really an Angelic yearning for intimacy with God it's very deep yeah but that's that's that's the source for it that I know computer there's a lot of levels of course everything goes to one a lot of levels and and tracing it back is a very delicate and compassionate process say everything was created by God that's why obviously that's true you could say everything was created by God and therefore everything has a source in God that's true I want to connect this in the WR way it's true but I would say that in the theme took on a lot of significance and it's elaborated on and it's very emphasized but it really goes back to the source that everything was created by God yeah and also it's a you could you should love God with your negative inclination what does that mean if it's a negative inclination that means it's not negative it looks negative so really I just realized it's a mish but in this it's very you know it's unraveled let's put it that way it's unraveled it's explained it's elaborated you see it you see it practically in settings the people with the most like build Party Guys often way yeah I mean we see also in our lives when we when we have the courage to look deeper and we have the support system we need we come to realize how vain like some of our most problematic shameful desires when you see what is really behind them you could just have so much compassion for them and like wow I was literally living under a rock my whole life and I thought that was reality and all of my desires and triggers and needs were created under that rock cuz I thought I was a worm literally you know how much compassion you can have for that little self okay okay okay you're saying that without plant medicine nobody will ever know this you never met anybody who could get here without plin I get it I understand you need to go beyond your mind but but but just think about the compassion we need for a person who's been under a rock for 50 years they thought they were a worm and all their triggers desires was based on there at least a huge amount and it's not like they know this they don't even know it it's not like there was a conscious choice I was TR no this is who I am it's my template wow and then oh these were all my desires oh my God and then you feel yourself my God You released from Clippers everybody is tus ab ab the journeys begin with awareness all the journeys begin with awareness right but from awareness we need to go to the experiential okay my dear friends how long long going to be going last days yeah next week we'll have yeah after TSH we'll take a break yeah [Music] huh you need a vacation this is vacation you know what I'm talking about defitely it's a vacation for the soul