Mishpatim: Why Do I Crave Compliments? Why Does My Ego Require Constant Resuscitation?

the yeshiva.net [Music] okay before we begin I just I want to ask you to open your tahim a moment again to Capital aad number 74 aad I just want to read with you one p that we're going to get back we're going to get back to soon cap and it's peran that's chapter 74: 16 says Ora is the poet he says how do you translate that it means to you is the day or the day belongs to you the night also Belongs To You Right to you is day also is the night shash you have uh constructed or you have built or you have prepared established Mar is the luminary the source of light and shamash is the Sun so literally on the most basic level the poet is saying that you created day you created also night Rashi says uh the Redemption day is redemption night is exile so the Redemption comes from you and with we were with you even during the night but that's literally the day is yours and the night is also yours I'm mentioning this you'll see why but that's I wanted to start off with this P we'll get back to it okay today's class is dedicated by uh in in the Merit of shanfeld by his beloved family with a ma and congratulations for receiving his RAB ordination he was actually a student of mine more than 20 years ago and he went back now to get a by your family and may you go from strength to strength with all the blessings materially and spiritually thank you thank you very much so p m explores most of the most of the laws that deal with civil relationships what we call relationships between a person and his or her fellow human being that's one of the that's the main theme that pervades in this class I want to explore one of these famous known as the four Guardians the the four custodians a sh is a custodian I want to welcome especially Hindi and Bry thank you both for making the effort and [Applause] coming you illuminate our class in more than one way so thank you I thank you everybody for coming so in P Mish we have this four custodians if you take a look at your Source sheet I described it here very briefly so you get a clear succinct summation of it it's it's two pages the souret a guardian a Sher is any person who for whatever reason is responsible for an object belonging to another person the Torah classifies four types of Guardians and the level of responsibility to which each one is held and there's basically four types an unpaid custodian a paid custodian a renter and a borrower what's the common denominator between all these four someone who took an object or an animal or something that belonged to somebody else if I'm wearing my coat then obviously I'm the custodian of my coat and I'm responsible for it it's my coat same as if I'm wearing my watch or wearing my hat or carrying my telephone but if I give it to somebody else now suddenly there's a new relationship in the sense that this person is now responsible for something that belongs to me or belongs to you it could be a car it could be a pen it could be a dog it can be an ax it could be a computer it could be a coat it could be a watcher it could be a calculator anything else in the world it could be a house so the T speaks about four situations and we'll see what all these four four are but it's quite straightforward an unpaid custodian which means you're doing me a favor a paid custodian I'm paying you a renter where you're paying me to use it and finally a borrower let's see what the the Mish says about this this is tra page 93 the mishna says as follows there are four types of sh sh is a guard a custodian a guardian an unpaid Guardian the opposite extreme a borrower is a paid guardian and is a renter what's the difference between the four so we understand the difference because they go from one extreme to another extreme let's take a borrower a borrower if I borrow for a few days your computer for you from you right or I borrow a coat or I borrow a wedding gown or I borrow a piece of Jewel whatever it is the borrower has all the advantages he or she gets to use the the object of another person or maybe even the animal of another person the olden days they would plow Fields before the Industrial Revolution they plowed Fields with oxin had a field I needed an axe I borrowed your axe from you right or I needed to take a journey I borrowed your horse and buggy I borrowed your camel I borrowed your donkey just like I borrow your car I need to go to the airport I borrow your car so what's the here I'm basically getting to use everything that's yours and I'm not even paying you that's what a borrower is I didn't buy it from you I didn't rent it from me I borrowed it that's called a I borrowed it of course I have to return it you didn't give me your car for keepes I have to return it I have to return it to you that's a now you have the Other Extreme what's the Other Extreme sh is I don't use it you're going to Florida for three weeks you have a little puppy you come to me say could you watch over my puppy or I have an expensive item in my house can you watch it I'm going away for a few weeks this is called I'm a friend of yours you're not paying me so I'm basically watching your animal or your item or your piece of jewelry or whatever it is that you want me to watch for no money that's called and I'm not using it I'm putting it away in my closet or I'm putting it away in a place that's safe and I'm going to watch it that's called you see how it's the opposite right in the I get to use it I'm not paying anything I don't get to use it and I'm not getting paid I'm just watching it then you have in the middle two a and is I rent your car or I rent your gown I'm using it but I'm paying so we're both getting a benefit it's not like a borrower I'm using it and you're not getting paid so basically it's for my benefit and you're just doing me a favor you're not doing me a favor you're renting me something obviously you're doing me a favor but I'm also doing you a favor it's a reciprocal relationship is also that is right I pay a bank I pay them to watch something for me to put it in a safe or I pay someone who's a professional this is his job to guard things so he's doing me a favor he's guarding it but I'm also paying him right it's not like a where he or she is guarding it and I'm not paying them they're just doing me a favor you're guarding it I understand you're not using it you're not using it right I put my car in your garage right people rent out and I'm paying you rent you're not using the car you're giving it away way you're not going to use it there's no wear and tear it's just staying in one place but I'm paying rent so varies in each one the culpability varies in each case it's very interesting you don't compare the responsibility from one case to another case it sounds like this is a very technical class where is the rabbi going today it's not going to be as technical as you think but it's good for you to you know I know what you were [Laughter] thinking it's good for you to know what your boys do 17 hours a day in Yesa so [Laughter] okay today when they come home test them on the what's the of the so what's the difference so the says as follows the Second Source the unpaid Guardian he's the best off he's beely culpable or she's barely cable no difference a man or a woman here the unpa Guardian swears on his innocence and is entirely exempt you know why I was doing you a favor so don't come with tness to me right unless I was negligent I take an oath I didn't do anything wrong and I am exempt somebody broke into my house it got lost the dog ran away I'm sorry I I'm not a miracle worker I did what I had to do if I leave the doors open if I'm negligent then don't take responsibility if you're going to be negligent but if I did what I'm supposed to do BAS basic level of guardianship I swear that I'm innocent I did not do anything wrong there was no foul play no mishap but no negligence and you're innocent a borrower is the opposite extreme he has to pay for everything yeah you took my computer you took my gwn then you say this happened that I gave you something give it back to me something happened I'm sorry you have to pay me you have to give it back to me that's a sh then you have the two in the middle the paid custodian and the renter they swear about their innocence and they're exempt if the animal let's say broke a leg or shuya shuya means it was taken it was taken into captivity somebody stole it or Mesa it died there's a difference between unavoidable accidents the the the the animal died I didn't kill it it died I don't know it developed an illness or something or some other reason there an armed robbery it broke a leg all these things I'm exempt for but if it was lost or it was stolen so I could have created more security then I'm responsible now let's understand the difference and here we wrote it up very briefly so you'll get the clear difference take a look at the four says the last Source on the first page the unpaid Guardian right the unpaid Guardian is someone who's taking care of another's property purely as a favor and is receiving no compensation for his or her trouble although the person is Duty bound to care for the object you can't take responsibility and then say oh I didn't mean it that's that's negligent but the responsibility in a case of mishap is minimal if the object is damaged or lost because of negligence you have to pay even though I'm not getting paid but that's called negligence it's called but as long as the person provided the reasonable cure to which he obligated himself and takes an oath to that effect he is absolved from responsibility so if someone breaks into the house at night right and steals the animal or steals the diamond ring you can't hold him responsible say you should have built an alarm system you should have built an extra fence you should have had a security guard sorry you didn't pay for that from a bank we expect a higher level of security why cuz we pay the bank right I deposit something in a safe someone who has safes I'm paying and I expect you to have a good safe but if you're doing me a favor you got to do the basics he say yeah but you should have had an armed guard what you paid me to have an armed guard you didn't pay me to have an armed guard sorry so the is going to be exempt from stealing if it's stolen if it's lost unless he's negligent if he's negligent in other words if I have a little puppy and and I keep the doors open right or I put the puppy in the street this truck's coming that's called negligence then you're resp directly responsible you're not a shimer you're a jokester but if I did the minimal thing that I'm responsible to do I'm exemp makes sense right Next Level the paid Guardian he's being paid for his Services the level of care he's expected to provide in the case of mishap his responsibility is greater here the ter differentiates between avoidable damages like loss or theft where I could have done something more or unavoidable damages like armed robbery or natural death natural death what are you supposed to do about that fight with Mother Nature right two things are certain taxes and death what what are you going to do it's unavoidable like what what do you want me to be I'm not God this is called an an armed robbery the safe was good person is walking the dog there's an armed robbery what am I supposed to do what am I suppos supposed to do sure I could have had a 200 bodyguard with me a whole day but that's not something you that's that's a completely different type of security the paid guard is responsible for the former and absolved by oath of the latter which means if it was an avoidable if it was an avoidable damage I could have had better stronger security alarm systems stronger safe and the same thing the animal got lost the animal got lost why did you look away you sat down to have a coffee why why do you look away I'm paying you so you shouldn't look away it got lost it ran away okay so don't take it outside right these are things that were avoidable this you're responsible for if it's unavoidable you're not responsible for it the renter the renter uses the object and pays for its use so actually there's two opinions on the status of the renter Ruda rules that he's like an unpaid Garden who's responsible for outright intell negligence cuz he's paying for a service mayor is the opinion that his obligations are like the paid guardian and he's liable for avoidable damages such as loss and theft the verdict follows the latter opinion a renter is like a paid custodian so if I rent your car I need a car for a few days I rent it if it was an avoidable damage I'm responsible I'm responsible I'm not like a because I'm using your car but I'm not like a sh because I'm paying you so if it was an avoidable damage remember this is before the days there was insurance covering anything this is biblical straight biblical law nobody was taking responsibility so the question is what am I responsible for what am I not responsible for there's no insurance you pay an extra $200 and the insurance doesn't care the higher you pay will cover everything we don't even care if you're negligent I mean we do care but if we don't catch you we'll pay for it this is before insurance no one is paying for you so I have to know what i'm responsible I'm not responsible so the case of a renter is like finally you have the borrower he's the highest level of liability unlike the first two Guardians whose care of the object is for the sake of its owner this has been given to the borrower for his own benefit and he doesn't even pay a thing so he's responsible to return what has been given to him intact or else make good on its value regardless of the degree of his fault in the case of damage even if the bed object is destroyed by a lightning bolt the borrower must pay that's the H in other words something that was unavoidable yeah I borrow somebody's car and then I said it was something unavoidable there was a tsunami there was a hurricane what am I supposed to do I can avoid the hurricane in fact if it was in your on your block it would have also been damaged you borrowed it give it back to me and we understand that right I give you a gown then you say somebody made a fire I don't know I get it I just want to back the computer broke it's not my fault it just broke it died it died under your rulership it was yours just like if I pay if I give a loan to somebody I give $1,000 to somebody they have to give me back the money what if they say the money got lost I'm sorry it wasn't my fault I'm not saying it was your fault you took my money to use it just give it back to me that's it but it's not my problem it is your problem that's why you borrowed it so those are the cases of the comes on one level on one level as we often talk about the fact that every Mitzvah has different dimensions so what's called the Z calls it the Goof of the Mitzvah and the of the Mitzvah there's the body of a Mitzvah and there's the soul of a Mitzvah what do we mean by that every single Mitzvah can be explained on a physical practical pragmatic technical level the way it governs the physical actions of the Jew but every Mitzvah can equally be understood on a metaphysical level addressing the inner psychological spiritual emotional life of a person one of the greatest rabbis of the 16th and 17th century is known as the shal shal is an acronym of this was a safer a book written by Ru Hali Hartz he was born in 1558 he passed away in 1630 he was deroven Frankfurt in Germany in Prague in Yim he made Al lived in SAS lived in passed away and is buried in if you ever go visit the grave of you'll see over there you have also the Shalom and in his saer in a section called which is a section on he says and I quote you can see it in the source sheet by the way all the source sheets are loaded are uploaded on the on our website on the.net so you can also always review The Source sheets afterwards and he says and I quote take a look in the source sheet says the just as the four Guardians govern the relationship between one person and another person the same is true in our relationship with Hashem these four Guardians reflect our own relationship with hem four different types of relationships this is what the shal says it's interesting it says in there were three Jews that they named their safer with the same name like M's the Shah the r and the r named his work Mish that's of course the name for the shal named his work that's the two and the lived in contemporary he named his sa has a commentary called all of them nobody nobody uses the name of their book The rambam is called the r or Y the shal is called shal which is the acronym and the AL is called Al very few people call it t so the original name didn't stick but he's called the shal so in a section on he lays down this Foundation when you look at the four Guardians it's not just four technical cases that we discussed earlier it's four relationships to life four relationships to life what are the four so the shal says there's four ways in which a person can experience life one is a borrower one is a renter one is a paid custodian and one is an unpaid custodian what's the difference between the four and when we say four ways it doesn't necessarily mean four people it could be the same person depends if you cope me before breakfast before the coffee after the coffee before exercise after exercise before vitamins after vitamins when I'm grouchy when I'm exhausted a good day a bad day doesn't mean four different people it's four models but those as we know right as we know the same person can operate on four different levels of consciousness the same day the same week the same year but it's four approaches or let's put it this way it's different parts of the brain different parts of the self that are functioning and come to the surface but what's the difference between these four models the sh the borrower what is it on a legal level basically I ask you for something you give it to me I use it and I don't pay you it's for me it's for my benefit that's why my responsibility is the highest because basically I'm the one who has everything to gain the lender gave up everything they're not getting anything in return so the minimum you could do is just give it back to me I gave you a code just give it back to me I'm not asking you for more you're not paying me just give it back to me that's the the opposite extreme is the what's the the exact opposite the one who gave it him is getting all the benefit right you're not paying me for watching I'm not I'm not even using it I'm not even using what you gave me it's not like the borrower in the middle right between the two you have the paid custodian this is in the middle why I'm watching it for you so you're gaining right but I want a salary I want a salary and the renter I'm using it so it's for me I'm it's for me but I'm ready to pay do you see how these are four philosophies in life and when I tell talking about so much philosophically it's more experientially how a person experiences life one model in life is the sh and the sh basically is everything is for me you're laughing everything is for me do I owe anything to anybody absolutely not if you see it it's for you use it and enjoy it that's the sh some people might call it narcissism you may want to give it another name but the model is I use it and enjoy it it's my as though it was mine do you pay dues I don't pay any dues that's the model of the the sh say one extreme then you have the person who says I'm a renter renter means so for me it's for me to use and I'm going to use it but I realize I'm a stickle mench not just taking your car for three weeks right I got to pay I got it there's dues then there's the next one I'm a Sher essentially I'm a custodian and that's already a shift in Consciousness understand the borrower it's here for me to use and I don't even have to pay the renter it's here for me to use but I got to pay the it's here for me to protect I'm here to protect not to use the is not a user he's a protector there are users and there are protectors he's a protector but I want to I want to pay I'm doing nice work you got to pay me and then there's a I'm here to protect and you don't even have to pay me now would sound like without getting a little deeper that the borrower has the best of all worlds he gets to use and enjoy and every he doesn't even have to pay the two middle guys are all right you know the renter has okay he's using it he has to pay the guardian who gets paid okay he's not using he's protecting but at least he's getting a salary and neak the first guy the sh is like he has the worst of all worlds he can't use it he's protecting he's not even getting paid for his service for his commitment but here it really shifts around when you understand the depth of it you see that the uh in a way in a way I'm not going to use the word has the easiest life but there's something about the that's very very liberating far more than the other ones because as we see when it comes to C ility the borrower is responsible for everything and then with each level the responsibility becomes less and less and then the over there talking about responsibility in terms of guilt the sh in terms of guilt is free now what does all this mean what does all this mean in life so the Shala explains essentially we are all shim we are all Guardians we're all sh when and are put into Gan the first time in the beginning of History if you look at the last Source in the source sheet in this in the second page B was placed into G right to the Garden to to develop it to cultivate it to toil with it to protect the one before says [Applause] about literally means he kept my charges he he preserved my my Commandments but literally it comes the word sh like a word sh a guardian So Adam is defined with the the sh the borrower the shal describes to this person a philosophy that became very well known in English but its source is really from the prophet yesi and in the second page of the source meaning the double-sided the first page but the second side the second s chapter 22 of is behold joy and happiness slaying cattle and slaughtering sheep eating meat and drinking wine let us eat and drink because tomorrow we will die people know this English expression it comes directly from yes eat drink be merry they they added the words be merry I guess eat and drink wasn't enough but you could also add slay cattle slaughter sheep eat a lot of meat and drink a lot of wine because tomorrow we die so the Shah says like this is the embodiment of the sh so to speak I mean obviously so many each one but basically just take what you can get it seems like a very calm life seems like the best life possible right you just get and get and get and get and get and get the problem with the is the challenge is that if life was filled with external Bliss indeed that would be a great great philosophy and it would work but what happens is in most cases life catches up to people because life has life's journey is a complex journey and the forces with inside the human psyche are very very complex so as we see the sh when it comes to culpability when it comes to loss when it comes even to unavoidable damages the has only themselves to rely on and that becomes a very very painful reality then you have the the also uses but I pay I'm a mench I'm not a narcissist I pay my dues that's the I want to use but I want to pay I get it maybe if I can avoid payment I would have liked to do that but I can't so I'll pay the I'm a guardian I'm a protector but I want you to pay me I'm a person what about the what's the experience of the sh in life is what the r describes in and let's read his words someone who serves out of love the person is consumed the person is immersed in and he uses the word he walks in the paths of wisdom not because of Any ulterior motive in the world not even because of fear of bad of punishment and then he says and not even to inherit any good for reward I want you should reward no so why what's the motivation the r uses these words the person acts in truth because it's true the person is connected to truth only because it's true it's the truth that speaks to them more than everything else ultimately all good will come in its wake because it's true this is a tremendous tremendous quality in life it takes a lot of work not every person just merits it this is who was that's whym calls him my friend says who I love and who loves me the relationship was one of affection one of love when we see the consequences in of each one we understand what it is and what the experiences so when we see the consequences of the we can understand much more who they are the shal goes on to say that there were three PE there were three profiles in the beginning of history that represented these four Guardians he speaks of Adam and the generation of the flood and the ones who built the Tower of B sh says was like the r just said pure love pure relationship of with truth that's why the P says he was a complete that's he says was Hashem put him into the garden it says watch the garden and you get to eat everything in the garden you get a good salary you get to eat everything in the garden when the snake came and said I have a better reward for you he said okay I'll go to you you pay more I go to you I'm need I need a good salary whoever pays better I go to them the generation of the flood that was like the because what was the philosophy of the generation of the mble of the flood for them narcissism was The Guiding Factor the world is there for me to use as I like as I wish there no duties no obligations no moral boundaries it's like Victor Frankle once said you know we have it the New York Harbor the Statue of Liberty he said we need a twin statue in the west coast in California the statue of responsibility there's the Statue of Liberty and the statue of responsibility the generation of the flood says no I'm it's all for me to use ultimate form of narcissism then the shal continues is like the renter the renter wants to use my yacht wants to use my plane wants to use my car wants to use my gown wants to use my animal whatever it is and he's ready to pay he wants to use it but he's ready to pay n wants to survive he wants the world to be able to survive he knows you have to pay your dues you have to pay your taxes you have to be a mench you have to be civilized is ready to pay his dues that's the unique Ness of but it's about rescuing the world and therefore he's the renter is the is called my beloved one my best my friend is as we will see what does this mean in a human being's individual life every person as I said can operate on four levels of consciousness the borrower represents the human being who extricates himself or herself from the Symphony of life I'm not living with reality I'm not acknowledging that there is a VI there's a there's a life force a beating life force that vibrates through the cosmos through the universe at every moment I'm not in a relationship with the universe I'm not in a relationship with all of us are givers and takers all of us constitute an indispensable note in the cosmic Symphony every single creature the tiniest creature the tiniest worm and reptile every shrub and every Bush every creature in our Cosmos contribute something just as we receive we contribute we are all part of a larger Divine Cosmic Symphony the sh extricates himself from that Symphony and I create a new identity in order to be able to cope in order to be able to survive and usually the reason we do this is because relationship connection is difficult for us our amigdala at a very very young age perhaps sensed danger in connection and relationships so we live in a world of isolation there could be other factors but the bottom line is I create a forged identity I invest a lot into it and this becomes my new truth so therefore my relationship with the world is essentially a dysfunctional relationship because I'm not in touch with who I am I'm not in touch with what reality is I am operating based on blockages in fact narcissism very often not always but narcissism very often is a person who had absolutely no experience of internal safety and therefore lives an active trauma and I cannot afford even for a moment to give space for another human being I don't even know I'm doing it I am so stuck in jail my heart has been imprisoned for so long this is for me coping but for me it's not called coping this is my reality some people are living in such and such a prison they don't even call it a prison they're not a weird it's a prison so I'm borrowing and taking and taking and taking and taking I'm not capable of showing up of being present not only for other people for myself I can't show up I create a new type of reality that doesn't exist when truth resurfaces and always does reality surfaces I'm stuck because I created this whole experiential philosophy in life that may work for the moment I'm not sure even in the moment it works but it looks like maybe it works in the moment but ultimately I'm left stranded I'm left isolated I'm left alone what does this mean practically in a person's life when a person decides that he or she is a sh maybe at the moment you know it tastes good at the moment they have Bliss but it's like a person let's say who's in addiction or a person who is what they call in the their nervous system is in a sympathetic state or a dorsal state in these states I'm just surviving I'm coping and I need everything for myself but there's completely no Clarity of who I really am and what my relationship with other people and with the universe is so when something happens the sh is completely responsible for everything what does this mean in a person's life it means as life I go through life and life has ups and downs and life has challenges all I have is me myself I don't have anybody else those are the only tools I cultivated those are the only tools I developed I don't have any other tools so the sh you say it was avoidable it wasn't avoidable even if it wasn't avoidable the sh has to pay for everything what does it mean the PO has to pay for everything what does it mean spiritually what does it mean psychologically it means that the sh has nobody to turn to besides themselves so now when things are not going so well all the burden all the guilt all the negativity all the Darkness I carry Within Myself and how much can a person carry if I was escaping and escaping and escaping and escaping from reality and making it work until it stops working and when it stops working what am I left with I'm just left with an empty shell that's filled with Darkness it's a very very difficult moment in life and from this point a person can either go two ways either they destroy themselves even more or their ego is shattered and they start opening themselves up to a deeper truth of their own reality but sometimes I don't even know how to do it because if my psyche has developed certain patterns and behaviors for survival this is the only way I know how to survive for example take narcissism as an example what is really narcissism there's so many levels but on the most basic basic level what is it it's basically on one at least one one one perspective that could be I know different angles and probably different motivations and different underlying patterns but one element is where the person feel so unsafe in this world there's nothing and nobody I can trust that everything must always be about me there can't be connection when there was absolutely no safety for me there's nothing in the world that made me nobody in the world that made me feel safe all I can do is every moment just take and take and take I can't even see you as an existence because the moment I am not alert I am not Vigilant I'm not taking from you in my own psychology I may die I'm in a war zone constantly subconsciously I don't know all of this but as we develop and our amigdala which is the protector in us that is Vigilant to see what's dangerous and what's not dangerous if there was so much internal danger in my life everybody is dangerous everything is dangerous all I can afford to do is just take and be in control and monitor everything and not let go for a moment I don't even know I'm doing it and I will try to say I feel good I feel May everything is fine everything is wonderful I don't even realize how I'm in a constant state of taking and taking and taking and for me that's Bliss because in my Exile in my self-destruction there's nothing else there's literally nothing else for me to survive and then sometimes life becomes very very difficult and what do I have what do I have says tells the is this how you want to live where you are the only one who carries all the responsibility and you only have these tools that you have right now there's no relationship with reality there's no relationship with a Creator you're not a sh and then the sh hopefully the it's not even judgment it's not even judgment it's really survival for the person can perhaps be opened up to a different dimension to a different reality does anybody know what I'm talking about you have to experience this to know what I'm talking about let's go up a level the and the is a very way of living you know I want to enjoy life that's what I want I want to enjoy life but I'm a mench I'm not a sick person I'm not ill I think I'm not I'm trying not to be I'll pay my dues I got it it's called a respected citizen a respectable citizen you pay your dues you got to pay your taxes someone has to clean the snow in the street somebody is fixing street lights somebody's protecting your city somebody's picking up the garbage right social contract tville social contract you got to pay your dues spiritually also I'm ready to pay my dues I understand but fundamentally I didn't go out of the philosophy of a fundamentally I'm ready to pay I'm not like a sh I want to pay and I'm happy to pay or even if I'm not happy to pay I'll do it by force there's many levels of a renter do you do it happily do you do it by force but I get it I got to show up my my dues here the says you're not responsible for everything if it's an unavoidable accident is not responsible but if it's avoidable I'm responsible what does that mean psychologically when we talk about responsibility responsibility here is referring to how much guilt I carry when the person is in that space there is still a lot of guilt that comes with things that I know were avoidable if it was unavoidable indeed I have a relationship I have a form of surrender but if not it gets very difficult even the next level what's is already a much more elevated state I'm here to guard I'm here to protect but I want to pay I want to get paid and I want to get paid nicely so there's a relationship I want scar so now there's a real relationship so now you have to look there's things in life that we call unavoidable things here I know I can let go there's somebody paying me I can let go but then there's other things I can't let go I'm being paid I carry responsibility because there's an i and there's a youu I have to guard and you pay me you pay me there's an expectation from me and therefore I still carry a lot the most liberating experience and the one that requires the deepest type of work but also it's the greatest liberating moment and the truest moment is the is an unpaid custodian what does that mean what does that really mean at the surface it could seem like oh you're just aat you do everything and you don't get paid but really as the Shah explains it's the deepest form of Consciousness and here I'm going to go back to the pum that we started started with and you'll see how it's all in thats literally the day is yours the night is also yours comes the mag of Mich and he says the PK is saying something that it's saying what I just said but it's saying also something much much deeper there's two ways of experiencing life and means you a means also you you see the difference one way of experiencing life is you another way of experiencing life is also you I'll give you another example there's a mish at the end OFA I was created to serve my Creator so one of the commentators says that really the authentic version of the mishna is different it's negative I was was not created only to serve my Creator what's the difference what's the difference I was created to serve my Creator I was not created only to serve my Creator sounds like the same thing it's really very different one is one is means I was created to serve my Creator it's galic it's really galic it's very powerful but there's something much more powerful and also much more liberating I actually wasn't created I'm not finished the sentence I wasn't created why am I giving you a class here only and that's the key difference between the and there's and there's is you means also you the poet talking to one way of experiencing life is you another way of experiencing life is also you very subtle difference in both there's you one is you one is also you what's also you also you means there's a lot of stuff there's also you on the to-do list there's something also called Hashem so theist there's also you maybe you're even number one number one on the it's also you but then there's you not oh so you you what's the difference so look at the if it's you it's day light also you this is Darkness this is night the gor says say very famously arrogance arrogance is equivalent to idolatry why idolatry is a denial of hem arrogance means I'm a little arrogant or I'm a lot arrogant why is it so the balatan explains in Tanya chapter 22 he says something very very powerful he says what does AAR really mean does AAR what we call AAR paganism a denial of Creator but is that's a much much crass that's a crass level of AAR what is the root of AAR what he calls I the root the Shish the root of it the root of the tree what is at its source at its source it's something much more subtle what is the subtlety the subtlety of AAR is that there's something that's separate at any moment from the from the Holiness of Hashem and that's why arrogance is AAR because the root of AAR is not that there's no God the root of a is also you not you not not only you but also you and the moment I get stuck in that which is very natural to the our world which is concealed I'm stuck in a paradigm of AAR which is really a very deep prison an emotional prison what's the real difference between and experientially means meaning God exists he created the world he created me and I think about purpose I'm talking about a very is a very serious person he's not a joke he's not a serious person I think about connection I think about purpose I think about reward and Punishment this world the next world it's a very mature level of Spiritual Development there's discipline there's responsibility you're a sh you're a protector but it's always also you and that means Lila that means there's already much concealment there's a lot of concealment Lila night you don't see if we would see reality there wouldn't be there would be there would be you not a that's reality and because that's reality it's the most liberating form of living because as I said before the most liberating form of re of life is when you're in sync with reality because when you're in sync with reality you're completely present to the truth of life when I'm not in sync with reality I have to substitute I have to forge I have to create substitute and invest in them in order to make believe they exist and therefore it's a much more frail and difficult way of living and as a result of that we call and we call in our life what this means is I want to try to bring it down a little bit here and here we're touching really on uh one of the most profound and fundamental teachings in the world of cabala and in the world of especially the world of the B and his students and the balat and his students the most freeing experience in life is if I can let go of even the last vestage of ego when the gamor says arrogance is like AAR what does that mean on a on a very very practical level we're not talking about an arrogant clap mug Maniac you know someone who has Napoleonic uh Ambitions of of world Conquest I mean you have the you have these people but I'm not talking on that level I'm talking on a much much even much more humanistic much more simple simple level that's very applicable to us I'll give you an example in my in my in my world when I was learning this in Tanya last week I was thinking about this I speak a lot as some of you know sometimes too much too much and too long but I speak a lot I give a lot of speeches a lot of sh if I finish a class okay I'm going to be vulnerable now with everybody's permission if I finish a class and I'm waiting I'm looking for a compliment I want you to give me a compliment and it's important for me that's what you would call a pretty a you human emotion people like compliments people like accolades people like validation and I have to be sympathetic or empathetic with that need inside my psyche but that need is coming from a place that it's not experiencing who I really am in other words that place is in Gus that place is in Gus why because basically it's about me and I'm looking for the validation and I'm looking for the attention it's going to do something for me it's going to build me up it's going to make me feel good for 5 minutes till the next compliment it usually works for three minutes and then you need another one and then another one then somebody criticizes you so you go down and then you get another one you go back up but it's all based on one thing and that is it could could have been a whole Shear about Hashem but it was allem but it's where am I this something separate in the truest space of the Nish I don't need a compliment and validation not because I'm an arrogant mug a narcissist that could be the Other Extreme but because the real Soul the real self of a person is you're you're an extension we're all a manifestation of Oneness just like right you have white light white light contains in it all the colors of the rainbow and then you have a prism what does a prism do the prism channels the light right and it brings out this color that color that color really all of life the whole existence is really the white light of a it's really infinite Oneness and each one is a manifestation of that when my my soul when my body when my nervous system is in that space I don't need a person's validation it's not it's good to get a compliment to get feedback I was too short I was too long it wasn't clear I'm not talking about that type of Fe feedback is very good to get because you know what you have to fix and you know if you're doing a good job or you should change your career a guy once came to a rabbi and he said I need a job he said any options he said yeah I can become a singer and I can become a dancer so the Rabbi says I think you should become a dancer he says why You' seen me dance he said no but I heard you sing so it's good to get feedback to know if it's time maybe to change I'm not talking about that feedback it's called constructive feedback is very good but the need for the validation for the ego to build is ego is easing god out ego and what does it mean easing god out it means I'm in a I'm in a I'm in a gus I'm in a prison I'm in a place of Detachment and since I'm in a place of the T I need you to build me up so give me another compliment give me another one another one another one another one and by the way it's never enough cuz it's a bottomless pit you know why cuz you could never satisfy the ego you know why cuz it doesn't really exist how do you how do you make something that doesn't exist feel good exactly now this is very very important how do I get a ball to stay up in the air you don't it's going to fall back unless you keep on throwing it up that's what you need to do to make the ego feel good it doesn't exist so what do you need to do to make it exist you have to constantly feed it and it's m like filling a cup with water and it has a hole it has a hole I told you once the story I heard this from my uncle it happened P him 1966 he finished 23 in the morning and says by whoever stretches out their hand for you give them you don't distinguish on I mean here they never distinguish but here's p but that's what it says so the end of said whoever stretches out his hand he's goingon to give me he me everybody came and he gave everybody a thousands of people he finished and he went upstairs to his room and more people came and he continued to give them finished went to his car to go home and somebody brought more wine or mas and he continued to give people came from all over the neighborhood there was already three or four the morning wanted to see they went on top of the car so it was m in the four tires of the car and that was the end of the tires of that car went home with another car so my uncle told me he was there he said that it was went on for a very long time and it was pushing was crazy and somebody a went over with a cup to get the was standing by his car in e parkway so my uncle said turned to this person and said I think that you got it ready he was from the first ones who got in a long time earlier so he says he says to the says cup but I had a l i had a hole in the cup so the looks at him and says if you have a l in the cup what's going to help if I give you a second time so he said cup I acquired a new cup said ah now I can give you and he gave him a second time in Yiddish you have to know Yiddish cup means cup but it also means cup so he said I had a l in cup he said it's gon to what's going to help I'll give you again if the L is still there it's going to pour out again he said I got a new cup in life if my reality if my validation is based on something that has a hole you could poor and poor and poor and poor and poor and it's irrelevant and I say the whole world hates me nobody loves me my wife doesn't like me my kids don't like me nobody likes me they can't like you cuz you hate yourself how could anybody like you if you hate yourself love your fellow Jew like you love yourself if I hate myself how can I love somebody else I don't even know what it looks like nor can I feel anybody's affection that hole only I could fix and even with me it's very hard because I really have to identify what that hole is it's not always it's usually not conscious with a hole in the head I'm sorry with a hole in the cup that was not a Freudian slip it was a conscious slip almost not mamish somewhere in the middle in the border between the conscious and the unconscious it's clear there's a hole it's clear got had a new cup but inside here it's not so clear so one way of living is hasem is also in the equation of course AEM I'm not a stupid I'm not AEM created the world there's a soul there's a body there's a hierarch I'm a but I'm in a relationship where there's I'm not ready to let go of the last vestage of falsehood and it's a protective mechanism I understand why cuz I feel if I'm going to let go of that what's going to be left what's going to be left there's nothing going to be left is the person who says I'm done I'm done with being I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired I'm sick and tired of having to hold on to something that I constantly have to rejuvenate I canly you know the ego is like the ego you have to resuscitate you have to call every second to resuscitate it mention comes and they're resuscitating resita oh we got him back the problem with the ego is 20 years later you're still calling ATA now where is this is called that MD in the brain there'sa 247 and you press it and boom they come and they resuscitate it right so for me that would be called give me a compliment give me a standing ovation tell me how good I am tell me I have worth ah then you I get a text criticism what you said was ridiculous absurd heresy okay back in the abys call out Salah could you give me a compliment could you resuscitate my ego this poor little ego and the reason is because the ego was never alive it never existed it's never going to exist it doesn't happen it's not reality means you're bigger than that you're Infinity the fact that I need my ego to live is because I'm so small because I don't realize who I am the real eye the healthiest thing for the eye is not to have an eye that's the most Bliss the deepest Bliss in the world is when the eye is part of the larger eye when the eye is a manifestation of the ultimate eye imagine you're at front of the Atlantic Ocean it's beautiful especially in this weather and it's a beautiful weather you're in front of the Pacific you're in front of the Atlantic front of the Indian the most beautiful beautiful and you're watching the grander you're seeing the grander of the ocean you know that feeling the Majesty the awe the reverence the waves up and down up and down crashing against the shore there's a little bottle a little bottle anybody has a bottle there's a bottle right floating in the ocean a bottle the bottle is open and the water from the ocean fills the bottle right and somebody says wow look at the ocean and you say no no no no no I don't see the ocean I see the bottle you see the bottle is just a little channel of the water no no there's no is only a bottle what do you mean get rid of the plastic this plastic is killing the ocean get rid of the there's an ocean I don't see an ocean I only see a bottle and I want to protect the water in the bottle so what do I do I take a lid and I close the bottle and I protected so now the bottle is protected and it has its water and I'm the the I'm so afraid of taking off the cap you know why cuz if I take off the cap what's going to happen o o the water May flow from the bottle into the ocean and that's exactly what the ego looks like the ego is I take this little bottle I contain it I don't even have the water cuz I'm divorced from the water and I try to protect it with everything not realizing that essentially I'm part of the ocean so when a Nama comes into the body it's literally the ocean being manifested through the bottle you don't want to close the lid you want the bottle to always be connected to the ocean at every moment you want to be able to go back to the self that is part of the ocean because that's what it is I'm not separate from the ocean and it doesn't make me less powerful it makes me eternal I was not created now Hashem wanted my it should come into a bottle it should come into a goof it should come into a body to come into a world where the world comes word hel concealment in other words we live in a world where the ego tries to take over so I always have to be able to have that lid off so that the water flows and I realize that the bottle is just one particular manifestation of the ocean and not get stuck in the bottle so that the bottle doesn't bottle me up pun intended and I become bottlenecked and bottle stressed and bottle overwhelmed and then some people go to the bottle to deal with their pain also pun intended it's all part because I'm I'm trying to to NE survive in this bottle now I I can't get you're not supposed to get rid of the bottle the bottle is your goof your goof is your bik this is your temple this is your Sanctuary yes my is living through my body I have to respect this but I don't want to cut it off from the ocean ever the old the says it's not about reward not because is is abused because actually is in touch with the source the greatest reward is the relationship the greatest reward is being one with Oneness the greatest reward is that you were never separate you can't I can't be separate only in my Consciousness can I be separate and that's what self-consciousness is but if I never felt a moment of safety in my life I'm going to go to The Other Extreme I'm going to become a borrower I can't let go I can't give room for anything I'm going to close off this bottle and not let anybody get close even though there's no water here I've just shut myself off from the source of water but I will hold on to this bottle and I will kill you if you touch the bottle even though all you're trying to do is help connect to the bottle to the ocean the person I will attack most is the person who's actually trying to get me out of my isolation because for me isolation equals survival when we speak about hisus death in in in in in in the Jewish language is called hisus hisus says didn't die what does that mean what it means is hisus is not death hisus means departing why is that such an important word because imagine when somebody takes the bottle and pours the water back into the ocean right what happens the water didn't disappear the water just went back to the source so when the Nama leaves the Goof the person didn't die on the contrary the person now stopped living in any way that can be separate when I'm alive in this world the r is that my should be in my gof I should channel the ocean into the Bottle Into the Goof through the Goof and that's D and that's holy that's sacred when a person finishes their mission God forbid to think for a moment life is over finished every soldier that was killed now the last few weeks last few months every Jew that was killed and murdered may God avenge their blood the tragedies are horrific the pain of those Left Behind is Indescribable but no one should even think for a moment that life ended that life didn't end not one Jew nobody Kamas can't end the life of a soul Hitler couldn't end the life of one Soul theim they want to they want to destroy a soul you can't they can't destroy as much as they can destroy Hashem you can't destroy a soul destroy the Atlantic Ocean it doesn't work that way what happens in death is there's a separation between the body and the soul that the bottle does not manifest the energy if you want the right word for death it's unplugged unplugged that's what it is it doesn't lessen the tragedy and the pain of it but when a refrigerator is channeling electricity so that the food remains cold the refrigerator is not the electricity the refrigerator is channeling the electricity if I unplug the refrigerator or the computer the electricity doesn't die no electron dies what happens to the electricity it returns back to its source so what happens to the refrigerator the refrigerator is not manifesting the electricity so the food in the refrigerator doesn't get doesn't remain fresh I know it's not the best example but I'm just trying to find some example a person's life is the being channeled through the Goof the Divine Light the white light that is everything is channeled through this prism through this bottle that's why by the way in a Mikvah right a Mikvah essentially what's a Mikvah a Mikvah is a source of natural water let's say rain water that falls into a sister I say today this mik and they're like Spas the water is clean and warm so what do they do they do what's called hashak if you'll see in the wall of the mikah on the bottom of the mikah there's a plumber a a stopper right if you'll open it up there's another Mikvah down there on the side a natural Mikvah we don't like to go into that one because it's rainy water and it's usually a little murky or dirty so how does this mikah become kosher right the answer is it's called means a kiss when you take out that stopper the water from the natural Mikvah kisses the water which is warm and gak and N just came out of the foret and the whole mikah becomes one Mikvah that's fascinating cuz that's essentially when I take off the stopper so this Mikvah this water connect to the ocean water and now the bottle is not separate anymore now it's channeling so now the Mikvah becomes a source of cleansing it's like going back into the amnc sack of the child pre-birth when it had all the nurture and safety in the world before it came out and I can always connect to that so even presence when when I'm here I'm connected to that that's why we say in the morning it's a little strange why we say it right in the morning the first thing we say after the soul you have given me is pure you created it you formed it you blew it into me you watch it inside of me and then and you're gonna take it away I just woke up I'm not in therapy yet I didn't have a crisis yet I didn't read my email yet I didn't have my coffee yet going to take it away from me and then then you're going to give it back to me as long as it's in me I'm going to be grateful what's this pull here did you see there's a video of yehud there was a boy he went to the music festival and on the way he sings this song his name is yud I was speaking to his father and his brother they made now a song this they did they did they did this song in a in a professionally in the memory of their brother so uh so he sings this on the way literally a few hours before he was killed he sings this song Something Special his his Purity his you saw it anybody saw it very very powerful huh way on the way to the festival so I think his brother a father told me that uh he had a friend somebody told me that he had a friend who wrote him a message that he's depressed if he could revive his spirit so he sang this song for his friend and he sent it to him in order to to to revive his spirit this was the song that he sent so they did now this song they produced it professionally in honor in the memory of Yehuda be so uh his father told me his father was telling me that his heart was such a big heart and he did not fit into it's a very from family in B but he did not fit into the system at all told me his heart was too big and he was very like a social butterfly just needed he gave so much love and it was hard for him so he went his own way but you could see from the song The purity of his soul it's amazing so how do we really but the truth is that this this prayer this statement we say in the morning it's everything because it's basically describing reality sh this soul is it's pure you created it you formed it you blew it into me and you're watching it inside of me in other words I am just a manifestation of the whole ocean I'm never separated there's no separation ation and that's why in that space you're always in a place of Oneness of power of confidence you don't need anybody's validation God doesn't need your validation you don't need validation you're the moment I need validation is because I'm separate now I need out Sola to resuscitate me that's it the moment I can go back to on is I'm good can I just go back to oness sometimes but there's another part that may not be there and that part is still busy being a or being a being why because it's afraid it's scared the more time I could spend with my soul and find techniques to spend with My Soul the more I can go out of that space and go into that space of Oneness by the way don't be afraid to give me a compliment after the class I'm not going to take you to den Tire I'm not going to take you to court but you don't need to that's my point H with Jewish audiences I don't ask for that that's true that's true so what do we say the kind of you have to know what your soul is then you say you're going to take it from me is this good news or bad news but then going get back to me because in other words don't think that all the work I did in my body and with my body was a waste means that everything we do with our body is eternal because not just the soul is eternal even the body is eternal the soul is eternal even now the body is decomposed and goes into the Earth or in a case where it's burnt like the Jews that were burnt alive it's a carbon Isa like the Jews in the Hol a carbon the whole thing even the body goesha there's nothing but means that everything comes back that's why we bury Hally we bury we don't cremate because burial it goes back into the nutrients of the earth and the L remains and it's it's it's recreated we have concept which means a change that can revert back to its original reality it's not called a real change so even death it's not just not a change in the Soul it's not even a real change in the body because it's going to be so what's the point of this the point of this is as follows you're going to take it from me you're going to give back to me so here's the key Here's the Clincher so even when the soul is inside of me I'm not going to be detached I'm not going to close the bottle I'm not going to unplug the refrigerator since this is who I really am so this is who I'm going to be here right now in this world this is who I'm going to be my body and my soul are going to be connected to that Oneness without separation that's the consciousness of the so the r says at the end you do what's true what's true all goodness comes from there it's not like I don't want reward so there's no reward the point is it's not about reward it's not you're going to give me reward that is an insult for the soul it's like somebody will say you know I'm a good wife I'm a good husband you know why cuz if I'm a good husband my wife does the laundry much more efficiently and and her dinners yeah she doesn't burn the chin she doesn't the rice is not sticky if I'm going to be a bad husband you know what I mean the dinner is going to be lousy and breakfast I could forget about and lunch is non-existent and whatever NE like that's it yeah that's it nothing else nothing else everybody knows the greatest reward for a good marriage is what a good marriage you say the greatest reward for a good marriage is somebody's gonna is going to do good things for you yeah they'll do good things for you but that's like if that's the issue it means there's so much separation sure it's better than being narcissistic so when a Jew says my my a is give me reward give me reward give me reward okay great but it means it's a it's not when there's I'm in a place of darkness and what does it mean I'm in a place of Darkness the day has so many things that are light and so many things that are dark but is you I'm going to channel for you now is poed from everything he's exempt what do it means exempt from everything the whole day is y it's day why is it day because it's not a personal thing sometimes a person is struggling with a child struggling with another relationship struggling with something inside of me if I take it personal it's about me I did the right thing I didn't do the right thing I'm guilty I'm almost guilty I'm semi- guilty you think I'm guilty maybe I'm guilty I should have been guilty you know the me mental chatter of Jewish brains oh you think you're not guilty I'll prove to you that you're guilty and then 24 hours later the CD is still scratched the record player is still scratched I'm guilty I was guilty I should be guilty I'm so guilty for not feeling guilty oh that's a good reason to be guilty I'm having a good day that's horrible you're having a good day horrible horrible there's a war in Israel Messiah didn't come you're a horrible narcissistic horrible human being barem you're miserable again great now you'll help everybody in Israel because you're miserable now everybody will be helped the greatest way we help is when we show up with our fullest self when we when you become the best when you when you trust the best version of yourself then you show up your pray my daving is different my is different my my that's how I show and then when I do somebody a favor it's it's fully present so he say the is exempt from everything doesn't mean he's negligent on the contrary the in many ways is the best Sher in the world but I don't carry the pressure of separateness I don't carry the guilt because not only I have a partner in life I'm one with my partner so it's not only unavoidable everybody knows there's unavoidable things in life everybody besides the sh doesn't take responsibility for them but then there's avoidable things avoidable things means if I would have known today what I knew 25 years ago how would have I educated my kids right every Jewish mother I know if I would have known today I would have known to why did nobody say this 25 years ago so first of all they said it you weren't listening I'm just joking or they didn't say it or even if they said it I probably couldn't hear it say things that are unavoidable everybody knows I was two I was three I was four was unavoidable even then we blame ourselves because we go into the place of a the borrower ultimately blames himself for everything you know why cuz he replaced God the sh doesn't blame himself for everything you know why cuz he has a God the doesn't live in a place of blame at all not because he's a frivolous narcissist but because he knows he's a channel for God and that makes all the difference have a beautiful week thank you thank you next week we're on Tuesday 9:30 a.m. this class is brought to you by the yeshiva.net please help us continue the classes make even a small contribution at ww.the yeshiva.net donate