Why Did Yitzchak Love Eisav? Because That’s what a Father Does - By Rabbi YY Jacobson

The Yeshiva.net I'm going to begin today with a very perplexing story that is made by the sages, by the rabbis in the Gamara in tractate Shabbos, page 89, Maseches Shabbos Daf Pates Amud Bais. The Gamara there makes the following observation. I just want to open it so I can read it in sight. The Gamara says Reb Shmuel, the son of Nachmani said in the name of Rebbi Yochanan. The prophet Yeshayahu Hanavi Yeshayahu perek samach gimmel, Isaiah chapter 63 says ki ato avinu. The Jews say you are our father, Avraham lo yedanu Yisrael lo yakirenu. Avraham we don't know Yisrael which is the second name of Yaakov, we don't recognize. Ata Hashem avinu gayalenu, you are our father. So the Gamara wants to know what does this mean? What does it mean that in the future the Jews will say we don't know Avraham, we don't know Yaakov, we don't know Yisrael, you are our father. So Reb Shmuel says lo asid lovi in the future yam malach Kadosh Baruch Hu l'Avraham. Hashem is going to tell Avraham banacha chatu. Your children sinned. They sinned to me. They rebelled against me. So Reb Avraham Avinu responds yimach al kedushas shmecha. Penalize them, punish them, sanctify your name. So Hashem says to himself, let me share the same issue with Yaakov. D'hava lei tzaar gedel banim. Yaakov had the pain of raising many children. He may be more sensitive. So Hashem tells Yaakov banacha chatu. Your children sinned. So Yaakov, just like his zeida Avraham, says yimach al kedushas shmecha. Penalize them. Punish them. So Hashem says lo b'savi ta'ama v'lo b'dard'kei eitza. You're not going to find any logic by the grandfather or by the grandson. Lo b'savi ta'ama. By the zeida I won't find any logic. Lo b'dard'kei, by his grandchild I won't find eitza, I won't find advice. Meaning Avraham and Yaakov I will not find there what I'm looking for. So he goes to Yitzchak. And he tells Yitzchak banacha chatu li. Your children sinned to me. Avraham and Yaakov, when they heard that, they said punish them. What does Yitzchak say when Hashem tells Yitzchak your children sinned to me? Amal l'fanav. Yitzchak said Ribono shel Olam, banai v'lo banacha. What are you calling them your children? They're my children, they're not your children. So it's like when your husband says, you know, would you come home to take care of your children? You ever got that one? Take care of your children. Really? How did that happen? So this is what Yitzchak tells God. Hashem says your children sinned. So what's this your children? Your children sinned. Banai v'lo banacha. They're my children, they're not your children. I don't understand. By By a Mount Sinai when they said na'aseh before nishma we will do and we will understand at that period of history you called them b'nei Yisrael. In parshas Shmois, when they're still in Egypt then they're your children. B'nei Yisrael, you you said. Hashem told Moshe to tell Pharaoh b'nei Yisrael, these are my children. Now suddenly history evolved, circumstances changed, you forgot they're not your child children anymore, you disowned them? This is what Yitzchak tells the Ribono shel Olam. You know, when things were going like when your child is doing what you want, ah, he's your child. SUDDENLY NOW IT'S YOUR CHILD SINNED. But Yitzchak wasn't finished yet. He says now I'm going to tell you something else. What are you telling me they sinned? Let's analyze this. Kama chatu, how much could they sin already? The average lifespan of a person, Yitzchak says, is 70 years. The first 20 years you can't hold them responsible, they're babies. First 20 years, no punishment. So you're left with 50. Half the time people are sleeping. It's night. So you're left with 25 years. He says half of that they're either go eating or going to the bathroom. So you're left WITH 12 AND 1/2 YEARS. IS VOS V'ALST, WHAT can you already do with 12 and 1/2 years? That's what he says. So here's my deal, he says. Im ata soivel es kulam, if you can carry all of them, mutav, great. Im lav, if not, palga alai u'palga alaich. Half on you, half on me. IF YOU'RE NOT READY to deal with their 12 and 1/2 years, God, you can't deal WITH IT, NO PROBLEM. WE'LL SPLIT THE POT. WE'LL SPLIT THE POT. SIX AND A quarter on me. Six and a quarter on you. Palga alaich, palga alai palga alaich. I take half, I deal with half of the sins, you deal with the other half. And then he continues, and if you don't want to deal with any of it you want to put it all on me, lo ich gut. V'im timtza leima kulam alai, if you want to put it all on me hakreivus nafshi kamoch. I already have sacrificed my soul to you, I could carry them all. When the Jewish people hear this conversation they say we don't know Avraham and Yaakov, meaning they're alienating us. Ki ata avinu. You Yitzchak, you're our father. You are our father. That is the meaning of the pasuk that lo asid lovi, they say ki ata avinu, you are our father. That's the end of the story in Gamara Maseches Shabbos daf pates amud bais. Which of course it's a very strange story from beginning to end, obviously loaded with layers of symbolism and profound messages. Hashem comes to Avraham says your children sinned. He doesn't like his response. That's why he goes to Yaakov. He doesn't like his response. He rejects the grandfather and the grandson. He goes to Yitzchak. Yitzchak's response is satisfactory. Why did Yitzchak say this? Why couldn't Avraham say this? Why couldn't Yaakov say this? Avraham couldn't tell Hashem they're your children just as much as my children. Yaakov couldn't say the same thing. Both of them said they sinned, okay, punish them. You know, when the principal calls you up in the old days when the principal called up your father and said he sinned, what did you say? Punish him. I remember once on visiting day, a mother, I was a counselor in camp a couple of number of years ago, so a mother comes to me on visiting day. So she says, how is my child? So he was challenging, very very challenging. Extremely challenging. But I didn't want to say everything in one shot. So I said, you know, he's an interesting boy and there's a lot to learn and one can grow a lot through interacting with him. So she says, why are you beating around the bush? Why don't you just tell me the truth? He's a horrible horrible kid, he's making your life miserable, he's making the whole bunk miserable, he's probably making the whole camp miserable. You should punish him. So Avraham and Yaakov said, what are you What are you complaining? We send them to school for a reason. You're the babysitter, not me. Figure it out. Yitzchak has a completely different response. First of all, he can't deal with the fact that God is calling them your children, not my children. Second of all, once upon a time they were your children, what happened? Third, machnishta d'avraham for 12 and 1/2 years. Fourth, even if yes, half is on me. Five, all is on me. Ah, that's the answer. Why Yitzchak? Logically even, it would seem uncharacteristic of Yitzchak because we know it says in Zohar and in many many sforim that Avraham represented which attribute? Chesed. Pasuk calls Avraham also in Yeshayahu Avraham ohavi. Avraham my lover, the one who loves me. Yaakov is middas harachamim, the attribute of empathy, of compassion. Yitzchak is the middah, the attribute of gevurah of of discipline, of strength. It's known as middas hadin, judgment. Pasuk says about Yitzchak u'pachad Yitzchak hayali. The awe of Yitzchak, the fear of Yitzchak, the reverence that Yitzchak embodied and represented the middle of year of awe, of fear, of reverence. Nonetheless, it was Yitzchak who apparently completely defies what you would expect from me. This is okay, punish. Quid pro quo. Chesed says, "Ah, he's a cute kid." He's a cute kid. And you have compassion, you have empathy. But here it's on the contrary. Yitzchak is the one who says "Oh." But I will always be with you. So we'll come back to this let's change the subject. One of the astounding stories in partials told us is the relationship between Yitzchak and Esau. The success is clearly that Jacob and Yitzchak were very different types of people. The way the describes them to quote on the arm the boys grew up, the twins Jacob and Esau grew up. But their development, their lifestyle varied and varied drastically. Esau is a day at sight of soda. He's a man, he's a skilled hunter, a man of the field. Outdoors, he loves the outdoors and he's a hunter. Jacob is Tom. Literally a wholesome person, a complete person who dwells in the tents. He's assiduous. He is uh introspective, he's scholarly, he's spiritual. By year of Yitzchak as Esau he said before. Yitzchak loved Esau. And the Torah is so ambiguous just gives three words as a reason. He said before literally translated in English Isaac loved Esau because game was in his mouth. Rebecca I have a sister Jacob. And Rebecca loves Jacob. No reason why Rebecca loves Jacob, but there's a reason why Yitzchak loves Esau. He said before. What is the meaning that he said before? On the most literal literal level it means because Esau fed him. Esau brought him food. Esau hunted animals for him and brought him food. He said it before. Rashi, like the mattress, is perturbed by this interpretation. Rashi brings the mattress before shall Esau. Because there was game not in the mouth of Yitzchak in the mouth of Esau shall Esau and the Torah. He deceived. He deceived Yitzchak. Esau he he he trapped him. He was sly with him. He deceived him through his words. There was game in the mouth of Esau who used his gift of gab and his skill and his charm to be able to give an impression that he is somebody who he is not. Yet taking this on face value is very difficult to understand. Everyone sitting in this room can testify that a parent only if he or she is only a regular ordinary parent knows a child. At least knows a child pretty well. Never mind Yitzchak of Eno. And even if the child makes a face and starts asking you questions when you grow up with somebody, when you watch somebody, when you observe somebody and you're somewhat sensitive and alert you know what the person is. Can one really believe that Esau completely deceived Yitzchak? Never mind the fact that Yitzchak was who Yitzchak was and one of our others, one of our patriarchs. Besides the itself says later that uh Esau married Judith, the son the daughter of Basemath, the daughter of Elon. But to Yianna rule out Yitzchak and Rebecca. They were a source of melancholy, of dejection, of of frustration, of spiritual uh rebellion if you wish it's one translation to Yitzchak and Rebecca. And Rashi says the reason. Rashi says all of their deeds aggravated Yitzchak and Rebecca. Shall we say the Tsar? They were idol worshipers and these were the people Esau chose as his spouses. So the same Torah clearly says that Yitzchak knew what Esau was involved in. And this is years before he's giving him the blessings. Esau wasn't a youngster anymore. He was already 40 years old. But this is years before he wants to give him the blessings. So he see clearly in the that Yitzchak was not just naive and looked at Esau and everything Esau did was perfect. Sometimes you have a parent is on a child. And it's sometimes very very sad. You see different situations but usually comes from terrible dysfunction in a parent's life. They become fixed on one child. That child could do nothing wrong and any child who says something or thinks differently becomes the absolute enemy. There are such situations, they're tragic situations where people lose proportion, they have they don't have perspective. It usually comes because that child feeds a certain deep issue that they're dealing with to the exclusion of anybody else who doesn't fit into the pattern that allows them to go on with this functional life, but we're not going to elaborate on this at the moment. What is then the meaning of Yitzchak's tremendous love that he had to Esau? Just to say because he used to feed him? And that's why he overlooked everything? Or because he fooled him? It seems to be that this these explanations are not completely satisfactory. They tell a part of the picture, but not the whole picture. Last year we discussed this aspect and many other aspects of the story at length. We spoke about the innocence and the holiness of Esau which was one angle of the story. Which uh anybody remembers the class about uh Jacob and Esau and two brothers and different missions. You could watch it on the dot net. You have probably the video there and the audio there of last year's women's class partials told us. But today we're going to go and I'm not going to say a different very different at all. It's all creates one mosaic, one tapestry, but emphasize a different point. And by introducing a completely different subject. And that has to do with the mystery of the wells. If you look at the lives of the others, one sees that for some reason digging wells was an extremely significant enterprise. Already with Abraham of Eno. Now, we all understand that digging wells then was important because that was the exclusive or that was one of the most important sources of water which allowed people families, animals to live. This is before the industrial revolution, thousands of years before the industrial revolution. You're not opening the sink in your house and getting water. But rather you're going to the well in the outskirts of the town or the city or maybe the middle of the town, wherever the well was and you're drawing water. The whole of Yitzchak and Rebecca happens at the well as we discussed partials of Sarah. The whole drama around the air and the well which was the meeting place where people would meet up because you had to come to the well to draw water and you had to do it on a constant basis as long as you needed water and one can't live without water, not for themselves, not for their children, not for their animals. You needed of course for bathing and for washing and for cleaning and the main thing for drinking. Nonetheless, so obviously everyone had to have access to a well, dig a well, own a well, rent a well or have access to a public well. This was a major staple of life. But that was everybody if you wanted to live and you wanted your animals to live. Even camels who can go we spoke about can go weeks weeks weeks weeks without water. For that they have their blessed elevated humps. But nonetheless, when they see the water, they seize carpe diem, they seize the day and they don't stop drinking which is how we explain this extraordinary depth in what Eliezer saw in Rebecca when she filled the trough and refilled it and refilled it and refilled it until 10 camels had enough to drink. So that's this was a staple of life for everybody. That's why Eliezer went to the well. There was a reason he went to the well to meet girls. Why did he go to the well? What's up with the well? Why didn't he go to the other places? This was the hang This was I'm not going to say the hang Maybe it was a hangout also. When Jacob of Eno was looking for a where does he go? He also goes to a well. At the well you met everybody. Huh? You know, there's certain places you know you're going to meet everybody there. Everybody you're going to meet. There's certain places. This was the well. Where does Moses go when he runs away from Egypt? Where does he go to hang out? He goes to the well and sure enough everybody finds their there. Maybe we should start going to the we should start going to the wells. We could dig some well, but nobody knows where the well is anymore. Very good. Somebody once told me he was having a difficulty. He said, "They tell me there's light at the end of the tunnel." I said, "No." He says, "Yeah, but I don't have a tunnel." I'm looking for the tunnel to be able to get to the light at the end of the tunnel. You got to know where your well is. So, the wells were natural places where people of all walks of life, rich and poor, even if the rich sent their servants, men and women, young and old, needed it simply to live. Yet, with the Avos, we see a special emphasis and occupation, not just with going to the well, which was a staple of life, but with digging wells, with discovering wells, with finding wells. And there's always a dispute. It doesn't start with Yitzchak. It already starts with Avraham Avinu. But with Avraham Avinu, it's only one story in Parshas Vayeira. There's a story between Avraham Avinu and Avimelech. Also quite an interesting story. You know, these stories that uh it's easy to gloss over. What happens is Avraham Avinu rebukes Avimelech. Al odoi's b'eir hamayim asher gazlu avdei Avimelech. Avraham dug a well and the servants of Avimelech, the Philistine king, stole. They seized the well. Avraham rebukes the king and Avimelech tells Avraham, Lo yada'ti mi asah sadov ra'zeh. I don't know who did it. That's number one. Number two, v'gam ata lo yaga'd'tali. You never told me. Number three, v'gam anochi lo shama'ti bil'ti hayom. I didn't hear about it till today. Three excuses that are still given for every story. It's to the point that Avraham makes a covenant with Avimelech. They literally exchange animals. They make a covenant. He gives him seven sheep and he says as testimony ki chafarti es hab'eir hazos. This well I dug. That's with Avraham Avinu. What's the fascination with a well? Is it pure finances? Is it pure water? Is money? Water is life? That's why it's money? Is that it? Or is it more? Suddenly, when it comes to uh Yitzchak Avinu, we see a whole new level of fascination with wells. In fact, the only real story we know about Yitzchak, if you'll ask, "Tell me about the Give us the biography of Yitzchak Avinu." We don't know many stories about the Avos and the Imahos, but with each of them, Avraham and Yaakov, there are a few major stories that we know. We know about Avraham's birth. We know about his journeys. We know about some of his great tests, his great battles. The same is true with Yaakov. When you look at Yitzchak's life and you want to know what was Yitzchak lived longer than all of them. Yaakov 140. Avraham 175. Yitzchak 180. The longest life. You want to know what did he do during these 180 years? We know that he was born. The story of the Akedah is attributed almost exclusively to Avraham. Yitzchak just asks a question, "Who's going to be the offering?" And then he walks with his father. There's no major story even though the person is Yitzchak. Then we hear about Sarah's death. Even Yitzchak's marriage, he's not involved. He's completely passive. His father arranges everything. All he has to do is show up for the wedding. Avraham Avinu marries Sarah. Yaakov has to run and search for a shidduch. Moshe as well. Yitzchak is completely passive. By the Akedah, in the story, he's somewhat passive. It's always called the Akedah of the scus of Avraham, cuz it's hard for a father to sacrifice a child, maybe even harder than the child sacrificing himself. Yitzchak goes together with Avraham, but it's Avraham's story. The shidduch of Yitzchak is not Yitzchak's story. It's Eliezer's story. It's Rivka's story. It's the story of the camels and the well. And then you ask, "What's the story?" Then there's a story at the end of his life where he gives the brachas. And there too, he ultimately is pretty passive, it seems, because he gives the brachas to He wants to give it to Esau and ends up going to Yaakov. And then you want to know all these years, what was Yitzchak involved in? There's only one story about Yitzchak himself, and that is he's digging wells. That's what Yitzchak does. He digs wells. In Parshas Toldos, the pasuk says, after Yitzchak moves to a place called Gerar because of a hunger, so the pasuk says Yitzchak planted. He was very successful. All the wells, v'chol hab'eirus, all the wells that the servants of his father dug in the days of Avraham and the Plishtim plugged them, they stopped them and they filled them up with earth, Yitzchak re-dug all of those wells. Vaya'shev Yitzchak vayachpor es b'eirus hamayim asher chafru bimei Avraham aviv vayisa'tum Plishtim acharei mos Avraham. When Avraham passed away, the Plishtim plugged and filled up all the wells that Avraham Avinu and his servants dug, they filled them all up with earth. Meaning, they basically destroyed them. They made them unusable, inaccessible. Yitzchak comes and he re-digs, he excavates, he removes the earth and he rediscovers, re-digs, reopens access is once again all the wells that his father dug. Suddenly, we hear that his father dug more than one well that we knew about. And Yitzchak reopens them all because the Plishtim covered them all after Avraham and he gave them the names, the same names that his father gave them. How many wells are these? It's hard to know. Could be 20. Could be 50. Minimum three. If it says kol hab'eirus, it's more than one. It's more than two because if it would have been two, could have just said b'eirus, the wells. It's minimum three. When it says kol, the Seforno says it's minimum three. Could be 10. Could be more. But minimum three. But all the wells that Avraham dug, we can presume there was more than three. I'm just saying minimum three. That's what the Seforno writes, Rabbi Ovadia Seforno. Then it says, "The servants of Yitzchak dug on their own and they found A NEW WELL, B'EIR MAYIM CHAYIM." And what happened? There was a major fight. The shepherds of Gerar quarreled with the shepherds of Yitzchak, "Lo namayim, it's our water." So, Yitzchak gives the name of the well, gives the name a special well. The They gives the well a special name. Gives the name a special well. Gives the well a special name, Esek. What does Esek mean? Ki his'asku imoi. He calls it Esek because they involved themselves. They They fought about it. They dig another well and there's another fight. It's our water. So, Yitzchak has a name for the second well. It's called Sitnah, which means animosity. He moves away. They dig a third well. There's no fight. So, he calls this well Rechovos, broadness, expansiveness. Ki hirchiv Hashem lanu u'farinu ba'aretz. At last, Hashem has granted us ample space. We can multiply. We can be fulfilled in this land. We can own a well without people trying to come coming and trying to seize it. Esek, Sitnah, Rechovos. So, besides re-digging all the wells of Avraham, now he has his own new three wells. So, how many wells does Yitzchak now have? Who knows? At least six. Could be dozens. And if this is not enough, if this is not enough, the king Avimelech comes to Yitzchak for a peace treaty. Let's make peace. Let's make Let's create cooperation. On that day, the servants of Yitzchak come and they give him news. What's the news you can give Yitzchak? What would interest Yitzchak? One thing. They tell him, "We have been digging a WELL FOR A WHILE, matzanu mayim. We came across water. We have been digging and digging and digging." So, Yitzchak calls that well Shivah. Why Shivah? The Seforno says, cuz this was the seventh well. Three from Avraham, three Esek, Sitnah, Rechovos. Now is a seventh. Other meforshim give different interpretations. Could Could be it was even more than seven. This is what Yitzchak was involved in, digging wells. The last story we know about Yitzchak is he tried to bless Esau. He ended up blessing Yaakov and he sends Yaakov away. No other story about Yitzchak. Between the story of the of the of the of the moving away to Gerar and the wells and the end of his life was close to a century. At least 80 years. So, all we know about Yitzchak's 180 years, besides a story that connects to his father, a story that connects to his father's servant, a story in which his wife spilled their all. She plays the major role. The story where Yitzchak is personified was he digs wells. What type of story is this? Why is he always digging wells? Why is he so into wells? Why is he fascinated with wells? Zolsayn, he needs wells. Everybody needs wells. But the Torah makes a point to give us You understand that 180 years you do a lot of things. But what we know about Yitzchak is he is the well digger of Judaism. Avraham too, Yaakov too, but not like Yitzchak. The explanation to all of this, you're with me? Exhibit one, you remember? They're not my children, they're your children. Exhibit two, a special love to Esau. Ki sayid b'fiv. Exhibit three, the fascination with digging wells. There's a famous expression in Gemara in Maseches Bava Kamma, ein mayim ela Torah. Water is compared to Torah. Why? I mean, there's other things Torah is compared to other beverages as well. Honey and milk and wine and oil and these are not just random associations. Every one of these beverages has a certain quality, a certain characteristic. Torah also has many different characteristics. Each characteristic parallels a certain type of liquid and beverage, so it's not contradict not like Monday we wanted to Shavuot, we want to talk about milk, suddenly the Torah becomes milk. Hanukkah we're in love with oil because of its nutritious quality, so suddenly the Torah becomes oil. Sukkot where where with Sukkot or Pesach, you want to drink wine, so Torah becomes wine. And then in the middle of the week where you should be drinking water according to the advice of your physician, Torah becomes water. Each one of these beverages has a characteristic and Torah has different layers, different facets that parallel these particular individual characteristics. And this is true generally in Yiddishkeit, something is compared to this and compared to this. It's not stomach so challenging. Whatever you could compare something to, we'll compare it to. Each comparison underscores a different point you want to make concerning this particular item or person or object. What is the connection between Torah and water? Why is Torah connected to water? So there's different explanations. Moreso mayim yordim mimakom gavoha el makom namuch. Water water represents humility, it will always look for the lowest the lowest point. It will always which is true about all beverages of course, including water. But we want to talk about one element and that is you know when you're tired, when you're exhausted, when it's a hot summer day, when global warming is functioning well and you're parched, you're arid, you're tired, you're hiking for 2 hours on the bare mountains, there's nothing as delicious there's nothing as tasteful, there's nothing as exhilarating and reviving to the person as a cup of water, which is God's natural beverage. It's true. The Mishna says in Brachot, water doesn't have a special taste or aroma or color. That's why you only make a Bracha on water when you're thirsty. Hashem shemayim u'smoyim borei kol minay bidvaroi. You're drinking apple juice or orange juice or wine, whether you're thirsty or not even for social reasons or to swallow a pill, you still make a Bracha cuz it has a special taste. Water is considered aromaless, colorless, tasteless, but when you're thirsty, there's nothing like the taste of water. So when a person is thirsty, they have to make the Bracha shehakol niyeh bidvaroi. Water quenches the thirst of a body, it rejuvenates one's spirit, it resuscitates one's energy and it's really the staple of life. Most of our body and the majority of each cell, we have close to 100 trillion cells in our body, most of it is made up of water. The child the fetus develops in the amniotic sac in water. Water is crucial to live. In this sense, water represents spiritually the gift of wisdom, of inspiration that becomes a major source of life for the psyche, for the spirit, for the soul. The body must have water to live and the mind and the soul needs wisdom, perspective, enlightenment, focus, inspiration, Torah in order to be able to live. It refreshes a soul, it quenches our thirst, it gives vitality, vivaciousness, life and inspiration. Generally in our world, we have two sources of water. A water is above the ground, oceans, rivers, lakes, streams, brooks, canals and of course rain, which is not only above the surface, it comes from the heavens, from the clouds. But then there is another source of water and that's the water that flows below the ground. That water is under the earth. It's not the ocean, the beach, the lake, the river. It's certainly not the rain that comes down and you could see. These sources of water which we call in Hebrew be'erot, mayonot. Mayon is a wellspring. A be'er is a well. This is under the earth, it's below the ground and it's covered. It's covered BY GRIT. NOT BY a little grit, by layers of grit. Sometimes you have to dig not 1 ft and not 2 ft and not 10 ft. Sometimes you have to continue to dig deeper and deeper until you will discover the water. These these these waters, this latter source of water, they seep out when you discover them. I don't know if you ever discovered a well, but they seep out from sand, from gravel. They seep out, they come out from uh soluble rocks, from cleavage planes, from unexpected places. They struggle to emerge from beneath the earth that covers them, that conceals them. Because this water is eclipsed and covered by many layers of dirt, gravel, rock, pebbles, whatever filth, earth, sand. And that's where you have to discover the water. Now, one would naturally assume without knowing that the restricted flow of water struggling to emerge from amid gravel, grit, dirt, filth, sand would be far inferior in terms of its quality to the unrestricted and smooth, conspicuous, open beds of water that lay above the ground. After all, these should be the cleanest, purest, most refreshing sources of water. The reality is otherwise. If you ever went to a well to drink water from a well, we know that there is something uniquely refreshing about spring water. The very fact that these waters are hidden beneath the ground keep them free from pollution, from many of bacterias, many germs and it grants them a freshness and a sparkle that you will not find in the above ground water. I was one Shabbos in the community in Tenafly for a Shabbaton. So Shabbos morning, I asked the Rabbi if I could use the mikvah, so I went to the mikvah. I go in and I saw something special. Something you know, I said this is not a regular mikvah. So I asked the Rabbi, what is this? He said he was building a mikvah for the women in the community in Tenafly. Name is Rabbi Shane. And they were just digging a regular pit, a cistern, a crevice in the ground to be able to let it be filled with rainwater and then of course as we build most mikvahs, you build a second one which is clean water, warm clean water and then there's an opening between the two mikvahs, between the two pits which and the water touches. This is called hashaka, which means kissing or touching. And the water, the natural rainwater of the mikvah kashers the other water which was processed through pipes, etc. He said as they were digging simply near his building, they were digging under the ground, they discovered a well. Literally a flowing, living wellspring that was flowing. So that he doesn't have two borders, that became his mikvah. The mikvah is refilled every day by the work of God. All he does is warm the water. So I was looking the water has such a a lot of people go to Israel, they go to the Arizal's mikvah in the cemetery in Safed also. It's it's it's it's very very cold. Uh It's extremely cold. I was in uh I was a few months ago in Mezhibozh in the Ukraine and there there is uh It's quite a story. There's a well, it's very interesting well as I out of the blue and one in the outskirts of Mezhibozh in one of the fields, there's a little well. And uh there's a story about that well that the Baal Shem Tov was once taking a walk with his student, the Toldos Yaakov Yosef, Rabbi Yaakov Yosef Hakoyen of Polonne, the Rav of Polonne. They were taking a walk in the outskirts of Mezhibozh. You could still see there's like forests, and they were taking a walk, and they got deeply engrossed in conversation. And then suddenly, the Toldos Yaakov Yosef tells the Baal Shem Tov it's a few minutes before sunset. We have to daven Mincha. And they would not be able to get back on time to the shul to make the minyan for Mincha. So, they realized that in order not to miss sunset, shkiah, they would have to daven Mincha right there. The Baal Shem Tov asked the Toldos Yaakov Yosef, "What do we do about washing our hands before davening?" So, the Toldos Yaakov Yosef said, "There's no water here." So, he writes this. He says, "My My master, the Baal Shem Tov, got down literally on his body, prishut yadain veraglain, completely prostrated himself flat on the ground, and he started to speak to God, and he says, "You know the truth, that for me not to wash my hands before davening Mincha like the halacha of Shulchan Aruch is essential to my life, and not to do it for me is like a death sentence. Please, I need water." And the Toldos Yaakov Yosef said, a few moments later, within 6 ft, within dalet amos, he suddenly started to see a flow of water. A well emerged, and the Baal Shem Tov washed his hands, and he davened Mincha. That well, when I was there in Mezhibozh, I met non-Jews there who were speaking in Ukrainian language. So, I asked my guide, who knows their language, "Why are they here?" So, they looked at me like I'm crazy. And they said that this They They They call this well in Ukrainian, they call it the Rebbe's well. And they come when somebody is sick, they come, and they wash their hands. That I saw a guy, it was maybe below zero, it was 20, and it was five below zero, 10 below zero. I was shaking. And he He removed his garments, and he showered He He bathed himself in the well. They said it's a miracle well. So, uh So, today, 2 years ago, 3 years ago, the guy there who build builds restores the kvarim, he had this well flowing to a pit with a mikvah. With a mikvah. So, I went in. So, I tell you that Ariza's mikvah is boiling hot relative to that. I couldn't even go three times. I felt that I'm my body will not be able to I had to jump out. The coldness was incredible, but the clarity, the translucency, the freshness, and the sparkling, the cleanliness and purity of the spring is something extraordinary. Here you have the paradox. The water that's above the earth that never comes in contact with grit or dirt, try to drink ocean water. It's usually very salty. The well water is right away available. There's nothing like somebody stuck a hot summer day, and they find a well. I remember we once went on a hike and camp, and our dear counselor got us lost badly, and we had no water, and this is before the days of cell phones, and we came across a well, and the simcha we had was like almost like hugger simcha with Yishmael. I can't say we were stranded for so long. Nobody's dead. Life wasn't in danger, but I still remember the enjoyment of the freshness, the coldness, and the clarity and the purity of that water. Yes, the flow is usually very, very small. It's a little trickle because it's so encumbered. It's so It's covered by obstacles and layers and layers. You have a little trickle, a little flow, but when you get access to that, there's nothing as powerful, nothing as fresh like it. This is, of course, a metaphor. The two sources of physical water in our world parallel two sources of wisdom in our lives. In Mayyim Chayim there are two sources of wisdom in your life. The first of these sources parallels the water that's above the ground, that's above the earth. This is wisdom and inspiration that is born above and beyond the dirt of life's daily challenges. It comes to lucid people at lucid moments. Some people are just blessed with open souls, open hearts, open minds, open homes, good mentorship, good parenting, good education. You'll call them in Yiddish gute neshamos, good souls who come in contact with other good souls. It takes two to create lucidity. And it's straightforward. It's easy. It's smooth. We all know of those people whose lives Well, we're still looking for those people. Whose lives are straightforward, easy, and smooth. The source of water is above. It's open. It's conspicuous. There's easy access to it. You go to the ocean, and there is the water. These are the water These are the waters that emerge from the hearts of pristine individuals, untainted individuals, pure individuals, lucid, sober, clear, open individuals, men and women who are unsoiled by the filth and the muck innate to many a human character and many circumstances of life. Some people remain immune, unsoiled by the dirt, by the gravel, by the challenges, and literally by the quagmire. I think that's the word. That is so innate to the human condition and so innate to circumstances in life. These waters are delightful. They're visible. They're unrestricted. But then, there is another source of water. And this is the wisdom that emerges from life's grime, from life's grit, from life's filth, from life's challenges. This is the water that you will never find in the surface. And people who live on the surface will never have access to this water. This is the water for which you have to take shovels and dig and excavate. And people around you will say, "There's nothing but dirt here. Don't search. You're not going to find anything here." And when you search and you dig another mile, THE CYNIC INSIDE OF YOU, the pessimist inside of you, will tell you, "No, it's time to give up. It's time to despair. It's time to realize there's no water. This is a life that's only filled with grit and dirt. Stop while you're ahead. Go find ways of numbing the pain instead of searching for depth. This is not the place. This is a place that's made for grit and gravel, not for a flowing source of enlightenment, wisdom, and inspiration. This is a source of water that comes out from amid struggle, strife. This is inspiration that is born from the human heart that has stumbled, that has failed, or the human heart that is submerged in the psychological and emotional gravel of life. Some lives' journeys are not smooth. They're not straight. Some people's emotions have to be buried under earth. Some people's innocence is buried under the earth. Some people's purity, confidence, optimism, joy, spirit, wisdom, sense of purpose is buried under layers of dirt and gravel, either due to their own struggles, due to circumstances that occurred to them, due to people who have been unkind to them, let's put it mildly, due to nature or nurture or a combination of both, due to loss or grief, due to various circumstances, psychological, emotional, physical, financial, mental, or spiritual that really eclipses their source of vitality, of water, of inspiration, of wisdom, of enlightenment, their Mayyim Chayim. When this person continues to dig and finds the water inside, below the earth, you will never have water as potent, as vivifying. Is that a word? I think it's good. As nutritious, as inspirational, and most importantly, as life-giving and life-altering as that water. We know once in a while we meet a person who's been through a lot. If you would read their resume of everything they have been through, not the resume they give to an employer, the real resume, you would say, "Wow, this person must be a real mess." This person's dysfunction must be a level of dysfunction on steroids. Their home must be a bait I don't even want to walk in there. Their life must be a complete complete horror. Sometimes I hear the lives of people what they went through. And I look at them and I start crying because when these people challenge their turmoil, their trauma, their pain, and they find the water underneath their earth, there is a dignity and a majesty that they bring with themselves that they're not even aware of. There's an aura, a halo, literally around their face, around their body. Because their water you can't take for granted. And this level of water is so life-giving. It's so full of energy and vitality only because because it was under the earth. In many ways it was protected from a lot of bacteria and germs. And in other ways it had to fight its way through the gravel and the earth. One of the reasons that the water under the earth is so fresh, one of the reasons that's given in Sefarim is because it's so pressured to disappear, every trickle of water under the earth has to own, it has to fight for it. It has to protect itself amid miles and miles and layers of dirt and gravel, and that refines it in such a powerful way cuz it has to work through all of the toxicity. And when it manages to survive and you uncover it, there's nothing like it. Because it comes from the rocky psyche. Sometimes you wake up in the morning and your psyche just lucid and clear and you look at your marriage and it's wonderful and you everything is just wonderful what we like to call in Monsey nachas. You heard that word? Everybody's giving you nachas. And then sometimes you look into your heart, you look into your brain, and all you see is muck and grit and gravel and quagmire. At best sand. Soil. So Yitzchak Avinu taught the Jewish people and the world for eternity that whenever you see earth, you have to be able to know now is the time to take a shovel. Now is the time to inspire yourself and inspire the people around you to start digging. There was a reason why the fathers of the Jewish people were engrossed in digging wells and in preserving wells because even after you dig a well, you have to preserve the well. Remember, if you just leave it on its own, the earth will refill it and you're back to square one. It's constant maintenance. With this they taught us to fight and to cherish the truth, the wisdom, the clarity, the emes, the godliness, the idealism that emerges from the deep rubble of falsehood, superficiality, narcissism around us. Because the essence of Judaism was you don't live in heaven. You must discover heaven within earth beginning within your own earth. That's where it begins. That's the mission statement of Judaism. Angels live in heaven. Souls are deeper than heaven. If angels would come down to earth as they did once, they would lose it. In heaven, there's water. MAYIM ELYONIM, IT'S FULL of water. Remember the whole earth was once water. God spread the earth over the water. K'ilu olam chasdo. Taitch is davar d'salavi because his chesed is l'olam is concealed. The divine core is concealed. And because it's concealed, all you see is eretz, you don't see mayim. There was a split in the water. There's the mayim elyonim, the water above, and the mayim tachtonim, the water below, under the earth. And the Zohar says, "Mayim tachtonim bochinan anan beinon l'meivi kod hamalk." The lower waters weep, "We also want to come before the king." And Sukkos, the greatest simcha was Simchas Beis Hasho'eivah. Chazal say, "Mi shelo ra'ah Simchas Beis Hasho'eivah, lo ra'ah simcha meyomav." If you didn't see the simcha around the drawing of the water, you never saw JOY IN YOUR LIFE. A WHOLE night in the Beis Hamikdash they would dance, and not just dance, dance with tremendous ecstasy, and at dawn they would make a procession down the Har Habayis, the Temple Mount, to the Shiloach Spring. Any of you were at the Shiloach Spring? They would draw water, a flask of water, BRING IT BACK UP TO THE Beis Hamikdash, and at sunrise pour the cup of water onto the mizbei'ach, on the altar. This was the biggest simcha. Why is it such a big simcha? SO YOU DRAW WATER, "AFTER MAYIM b'sasson u'v'simcha mayanei hayeshua." Draw water with joy. This is the greatest simcha because there's no joy like the joy of discovering the truth of the water that is beneath your own grit. There's no joy in life like the joy of looking at all your fears, all your traumas, all your insecurities, layers upon layers upon layers, and instead of surrendering, instead of becoming mediocre, instead of living a life of quiet desperation, rather you take the shovel with courage and confidence, and you begin to dig. It's scary cuz you don't know if you're going to find there anything, and you might get stuck. But Yitzchak says, "Dig." And dig. And then when you come across water, they'll try to steal it from you, too. You already got the water. THEY'LL SAY IT'S MINE, IT'S MY WATER. BUT YOU DON'T STOP DIGGING. YOU'LL have an Eisik and you'll have a Sitnah and you'll have a Rechavus, but you'll have a Rechavus, "Ki heirich Hashem lanu u'farinu ba'aretz." That expansiveness you will get. So now, if this is what represents the others, but uniquely this is what represents Yitzchak, it's not just when it comes to the physical wells, it represents also the spiritual wells. And here we have to understand why this is so fundamental to life. You see, there are two types of relationships. There are two types of love. There is a love that is reciprocal. I like the person, the person likes me. I love the I cherish the person, the person cherishes me. Why? We both gain from each other. If I have a company, I'm managing a big company, I need money. I come to an investor, he's a great guy, I ask him to invest. We become close friends, but we all understand that the friendship is based on mutual benefit. I'm making money from his money, and I'm making money through his money, and he's getting part of it. This is a very simple level, but most relationships, or at least many relationships, are based on that. It's called an avaha tluya b'davar. It depends on something I am getting from this person. They say Rabbi Sal Salanter, the founder of the Mussar movement, once saw a Jew eating chicken with a lot of passion and gusto. You ever saw a Jew eat chicken? Not the vegan Jews, but other Jews. So uh he was eating it with a lot of like his hislavus, a lot of ecstasy. So Rabbi Sal Salanter said, "Why are you so excited?" He said, "I love chicken." "What should I tell you, rebbe? I'm telling you that I love the chicken." He says, "Wow, it's interesting what you do to those you love." You had the poor chicken killed, sliced, plucked, sauteed, and converted into your bloodstream. This is what you do with everybody you love? A little correction, my dear friend. You don't love the chicken. You love your taste buds. You love the abdomen. You love your abdomen. The chicken happens to be a wonderful tool to satisfy your stomach or to numb your anxiety. You don't love the chicken. So there is a love that is based on the fact that I am getting something from you, I am getting you're getting something from me. There's an expression in Sefarim of Chokirah and Mussar, Jewish philosophy and ethics, called avah chizeres el ha'ayef. All love always goes back to the one who loves. Meaning I love because the I is enriched through this relationship. I may love the person's humor, wisdom, sensitivity, kindness, what they do for me, which is wonderful, it's good. That's the the world goes around by those relationships. But essentially, what is it? Something that I am enriched as a result of. Therefore, what happens when these two people separate? The relationship is compromised. It's mitigated, it's diluted. And what happens if they can't be here for each other? Then sometimes it's completely lost. And what happens if they grow far away from each other, whether physically, geographically, emotionally, verbally? Sometimes they lose interest in each other because the love was based on the fact that there was a closeness and I was being enriched by it. But then there's another type of love. There's a love that's called atsmus. Av atsmus means an essential love. It's not It's not because I'm enriched by this person. It's because we're one atsum, we're one. Just like the love to self. You don't wake up and if you're a healthy person, you don't wake up in the morning and say let me see if I could find a reason to like myself today. Okay. I'm going to do exercise. I'm going to eat healthy. I look very good today. I'm a good guy. I think I'm going to like myself today. If that's the situation, you're pretty bad off because other days you're not going to like yourself. So that's what actually happens with a lot of people. They're basically waiting to see how the day progresses if they should like themselves or not. Somebody gives you a compliment. Oh, I'm really I'm good. Yeah, okay, great. Somebody takes away that compliment. Okay, now I'm bad. Now I hate myself. You don't need a reason for self-love. Of course, you should behave in a way that you give yourself nachas from yourself. That's wonderful. But you don't need a justification for the love. You are you. You're one with yourself. So there's a love there, there's a connection there. It's taken for granted. It's not even conscious. It's deep. It's so deep that a person will give away usually almost every other love in the world if it's going to threaten their life. I read once a fascinating research that was done. People who were in addiction and then they were diagnosed with an illness that was terminal and the addiction literally disappeared. Some people 30 years are in recovery and still struggling. Why? Because they heard that their life is over in 6 weeks, in 2 months, in 4 months and suddenly they were on a different level of consciousness. That's when you see the relationship with the self, the love to your own life. When there is love to somebody like a child that is based on the essence. It's one atsum, it's one essence. It's not because of what you give back to me. Sometimes a child doesn't give back to a mother or a father. I was invited once to a bar mitzvah to speak. I came to the bar mitzvah and I saw that it's not a regular bar mitzvah. This is a child who's close to a vegetable. Been that way almost since birth. And the parents told me they never go away far away because of this child. The child never spoke. The child barely moves and barely has any contact. So the whole family came it was like a house bar mitzvah. The whole family came Friday night and they asked me to speak. I came to speak. And to see the love and the sensitivity of the siblings to this sibling and the father and the mother to this child was incredible. What do they get back? Nothing. On the contrary, a life that is very challenging and difficult. But the love is called an atsmus. It's unconditional. It's not reciprocal. It's not based on reciprocity. It's an essential love that cannot be obliterated. When one develops this type of love distance doesn't destroy it. It only intensifies it. Because if it's a love that is not innate it needs to be cultivated. If it's not cultivated, if we don't see each other in 4 years and I don't get anything from you, it's over. But if it's an essential love just like I can't separate from myself, I can't separate from this person. So therefore, the more distant we are, it doesn't take away the love. It doesn't belittle love. It intensifies the love. And if THERE'S EVEN MORE DISTANCE, IT BECOMES more intense. And the greater the distance, the deeper the love. So the Baal Shem Tov explains that this is the difference between angels and souls. Malachim and neshamos. Angels are divine because by nature they're divine. They're like in a partnership with God. They're in the business. The moment they come down to earth they discover the earth, they're separated and there they go, they lose it. On the neshama is bonim atem l'Hashem Elokecha. Bnei bechirei Yisrael. The soul is a child of God. A child is one with the atsum. You're one in the essence. It's not based on what you do and what you don't do and it's not reciprocal. Here, the further the soul strays from God the deeper the relationship becomes. The further I'm away from my child, I don't forget them. I never heard a mother say, you know, my child has been away for 6 years. I completely forgot them. I stop worrying at all. You I start worrying. I don't have to tell the people in this room. You know, my child doesn't call me doesn't call me. So I just stopped thinking about them. I once spoke to a psychia- big psychiatrist in Connecticut. So he was a I asked him about Jews. So he told me an interesting thing. He says, "Two boys were by me today. Each one for an hour. A Jewish kid and then an Italian kid." He says, "The Jewish kid WAS HERE ALL WHOLE HOUR. HE WAS COMPLAINING that his mother is a control freak." Every night. "How are you?" "Fine." "What does that mean?" You know, worst thing to tell a Jewish mother is you're fine. "Well, what do you mean? What's going on? Is Is everything all right? What are you feeling? Really, what's really happening?" He says, "TELL MY MOTHER TO LET ME LIVE. FINE MEANS FINE. BYE. GOOD JOB. IT'S BOOM." HE SAYS THE JEWISH boy went out. The Italian boy comes in. He says and he says, "You know, I wish I would have a mother who would care about me a little bit. She would call me." He says, "My mother calls me. She says, 'How you doing, Tony?'" "I say I'm good." "OKAY, GOOD. BYE." SO THE DOCTOR, THE PSYCHIATRIST tells me he wanted to swipe the two mothers. Give the Jew the Italian mother. AND GIVE THE ITALIAN THE JEWISH MOTHER. YOU KNOW, TWO teenagers come home, they taste the spaghetti and they tell their mother, "Not on my dead body." And both mothers shoot. The Italian mother shoots the kid. The Jewish mother shoots herself. So the child didn't call you for 2 years. You say, "YOU KNOW WHAT? I LOST INTEREST IN YOU. BYE. HAVE A GOOD DAY." How is IT WITH THE IN THE BIG SECULAR with boyfriends and girlfriends? No no text, NO EMAIL. BYE. YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED. WHY WITH YOUR CHILD? HE DIDN'T CALL YOU FOR 2 WEEKS, NEVER MIND FOR 2 MONTHS, NEVER MIND FOR 2 YEARS. You're going crazy. Because when the relationship is superimposed when the relationship is not intrinsic, it's not innate, you need the closeness to nurture it. If not, what's in it for me? If you're not part OF MY LIFE, YOU'RE NOT part of my life. That was brilliant, no? If you're not part of my life, you're not part of my life. Right? I think it can be proven scientifically. But what if when you're not part of my life, you're still part of my life cuz you are one with my life? So there's no thing you're not part of my life. Now the distance only creates yearning. The more THE DISTANCE, THE MORE THE YEARNING. THE DEEPER THE DISTANCE, the deeper the relationship. It may not be actualized, but the deeper the relationship. So here the Baal Shem Tov said something unbelievably moving. The This is very very powerful stuff for our generation. The deepest relationship of God is with the souls that are the most distant. Just like with your child the further the distance, the deeper the yearning, the deeper the craving, the deeper the awareness of how close you are. Because you are craving to overcome that even though it may take time to actualize it. But in terms of the closeness, it's the deepest form of closeness. And that's why the soul came down to earth. In heaven heaven is divine. L'roika ha'aretz al hamayim ki l'olam chasdo. Our world is defined by earth. Earth in terms of l'olam chasdo, the chesed is l'olam. From the word as I said, the Gemara says in Pesachim l'olam is from the word helem, concealment. Zeshmi l'olam, zeshmi l'olam. His grace, his revelation is concealed. Where is the water? The water is beneath the earth. But since the soul is one with God, every neshama is a chelek Eloka mima'al mamash. So it's inseparable. It's one. It's an essential, holistic, indivisible oneness between the Jewish soul and Hashem. So therefore, THERE'S NO SEPARATION AND the deeper the distance, the more the yearning, the more the craving, the more intense the relationship, THE GREATER THE THIRST. TZAMA L'CHA NAFSHI. KAMOCHA BASAR, YOU REMEMBER THE END OF THE PASUK? BA'ARETZ TZIYA V'AYEF. B'li mayim. Kein bakodesh chazisi'cha lirus oz'cha v'chvod'cha. So the Baal Shem Tov explained David HaMelech said, "Kein means halivai. Halivai, when I come back to kodesh, I will be able to have the same thirst as I have when I am ba'aretz tziya v'ayef, which means in a land that is parched, dry, arid, and exhausting, believe I am. This is the summer of that thirst. It's only down here on Earth. That's the reason the soul came down here, not to compromise the relationship, to intensify the relationship. THAT'S THE SIMCHA OF SUKKOT. You go down and you find water on the Earth in the well that was dug and YOU BRING IT UP TO THE BASE OF the Mikdash. There's no Simcha like that. That connection, that relationship is transcends any other type of relationship, transcends infinitely any other type of relationship. That's the water THAT YOU DISCOVER. WHY is it that these people I spoke before who endure such trauma or difficulties and emerge have this majesty about them? Because what did they discover? They discovered their essence that was never compromised, that was never abused. There is a divine core that's indestructible. Nothing in the world and I say this to certain individuals sitting here. No abuser in the world, no molester in the world can crush that core of wholesomeness in your soul. Whether it was physical or emotional or spiritual or other issues and I'm not going to describe them now graphically. Everybody knows what I'm talking about. Nobody can destroy that core. It may be invisible, but it's one. It's one with truth. It's one with wholesomeness and it's ALWAYS THERE. AND BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS THERE, THE DISTANCE ONLY INTENSIFIES its qualities, its yearnings, its properties. AND WHEN YOU GET THERE, the wholesomeness is an extraordinary wholesomeness because of its unique quality. This is something a Malach can't even understand. That's why Malachim have to stay in heaven. It's a good place for them. Souls are sent down to Earth. Life is challenging under all equations, even in the 21st century with prosperity that our great-grandparents couldn't dream of. Nonetheless, everybody knows life is challenging. Life is filled with gravel and grit and Earth, but the soul is sent here because it's one with one. And because it's one with one, its truth emerges only beneath the Earth, in the Earth, when it discovers the water. So, now when Yitzchak takes a look at his children, Yitzchak takes a look at Esau. Yitzchak takes a look at Yaakov. Remember what you have to know about Yitzchak is he is the well digger. He is the well digger. So, therefore where people see Earth, dirt, gravel, Yitzchak only sees the need, the calling to dig. Esau was no simple kid. Esau was a very, very challenging child. Esau, he was out in the field. He was out. He was an earthy person, literally an earthy person. But who is the master of understanding that there's always water beneath the Earth? Yitzchak Avinu. The Yitzchak yeah of Yitzchak as Esau cuz Yitzchak understood that it's easy to look at a child and reject, dismiss. You'll never make it. You know you were excluded from the system, you were rejected from the system. Yitzchak understands that souls don't function on that level. Yitzchak understood that a soul is one with the divine and you have to always have the courage to be able to dig and dig and dig again so you can excavate the infinite depths of truth, of inspiration, of wisdom, and life-giving waters that is below the Earth. And that's what we know about Yitzchak. And he also knew that the wells that his father dug were plugged. They were clogged up and not only clogged, sometimes they're covered up with a lid. They were filled with Earth. It's a whole different level of being clogged. You don't even see anything anymore. It's not just there's a lid on top of the well so no one has access to it or there's one layer OF YITZCHAK AVINU OFFER. Yitzchak doesn't get into a spoil. He goes, he'll redig everything. And then he'll dig his own wells and then he'll dig a seventh well and he'll name the city Beersheba. So, when Hashem when Hashem when the Gemara, the Gemara in Maseches Kiddushin Maseches Kiddushin has a fascinating argument. What's the argument between two people of Yehudah and Reb Meir? What's the argument? Reb Yehudah says, it says "Banim Atem laShem Elokeichem." You are children of God. So, Reb Yehudah says "B'zman she'atem nohegim mineig banim." When you behave like children, you're children. And when you behave like animals, like chayos, you're not children. That's what Reb Yehudah says. B'ein kach, you know it from the song, no? B'ein kach o b'ein kach atem keruyim banim. However you behave, you're considered a child. Always. You're a child. Reb Yehudah says, NO, YOU got to behave like a child. Be loyal. Reb Meir says, b'ein kach o b'ein kach. AND HE BRINGS FOUR PESUKIM. In Yirmiyahu, the Navi says in the name of God, "Banim sichlim heim." My kids are fools. He says, you see, you can have a kid, he's a fool, but he's still your child. An idiot, but a child. An ar, an ar a child. Moshe Rabbeinu says in Haazinu, "Banim lo eimun bam." It's children that I can't trust. You see, YOU CAN'T TRUST THEM, but they're children. Don't think she's going to clean up when you go to the chasanah, but she's still your daughter. Yeshayahu says, "Zera mere'im banim mashchisim." Evil seed, corrupt children. Corrupt, but children. And Hoshea says, "B'makom asher yeyamer lahem lo ami atem, yeyamer lahem b'nei Kel Chai." Instead of saying about the Jews, "They're not my nation," they're going to be called children of the living God. So, Reb Meir says, they're always children. Usually in Gemara, when there's an argument between Reb Meir and Reb Yehudah, the halacha is like Reb Yehudah. The Rashba, Rabbeinu ben Aderes in his Shaalos u'Tshuvos Gedolos, says this is an exception. Here, halacha is like Reb Meir. How do we know? Let's say a Jew converts. A Jew is baptized. He's baptized to another religion and then he gives, he marry, he betroths a Jewish woman. Does she need a get or not? What's the halacha? Yes? She needs a get? WHY? IF HE'S NOT JEWISH ANYMORE, HE'S A She shouldn't need a get. There's intermarriage, you don't need a get. It's a civil marriage. It doesn't have the power of a Jewish marriage. Why do you need a get? So, the Rashba says, you see from here that the halacha was established like Reb Meir. "B'ein kach o b'ein kach atem keruyim banim." Says, why? So, the Rashba says, because there's four pesukim that support him in Tanach. So, it's unique. So, the Gemara asks, why do you need all the four pesukim? Why do you need all the four pesukim? So, the Gemara in Maseches Kiddushin over there, page 36, daf lamed vov, gives an extraordinary answer. That each pasuk adds another dimension. And I should say that the Maharal in his sefer Netzach Yisrael, chapter 11, where he dedicates almost a whole long, long chapter to analyze this piece of Gemara. And that is, the first pasuk, Yirmiyahu calls them sichlim. They're foolish children. So, from here I learn that if you have a child who's not wise and is foolish, Jews make mistakes, God says, "You're still my child." But what happens if they're not foolish? "Lo eimun bam." Moshe Rabbeinu says, I can't trust them. They're rebels. They sin b'meizid, willingly. Not unwillingly, willingly. They know what they're doing. You would think they're not children. Says, no, even children that you can't trust, even children that you can't trust, Hello? Even children that you can't trust, in other words, they're sinning b'meizid, willingly, they're still children. You would say, okay, that's as long as they're sinning. But what happens if they reject their father and mother? What if your child looks at you and says, "You're not my father anymore. You're not my mother. I'm going somewhere else." Now you would think you already crossed a threshold. You already crossed a red line that can't be crossed. When the Jews go to Avodah Zarah, here God says, that's it. COMES THE THIRD PASUK IN YESHAYAHU AND SAYS, NO. "ZERA mere'im banim mashchisim." Even if they're corrupt, zera mere'im, they go to Avodah Zarah, they're still considered banim. So, the Gemara says, okay, you'll say they're children, but they're lousy children. They're horrible children. They're sick children. That's what you're going to say. So, the Gemara says, no, there's a fourth pasuk. They're called children of the living God, b'nei Meili. Perfect children. Asks the Maharal, how could you say this? I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU. YOU LOST ALL VALUES, ALL PRIORITIES. He said, no, because the child in them is perfect. Meaning the relationship is completely intact. They don't know how deep the relationship is. They're not aware of the relationship. They're not aware of their holiness, but the relationship is impeccable. It's flawless. Not only that, as we learned, the distance actually makes it a deeper relationship, a deeper yearning. That's why Shimon Shimon them ain't looking at them like that. Because the water that comes from beneath the earth has a purity and a sparkle to it that no other water could have. And that's why we understand that this betrayal is not essential to their identity. It's alien to their core identity. So therefore they're called "children of the living God". That's why the brings forth them. So the JUDAISM IS LIKE NOT LIKE THAT. AND THE TRUTH is history proved that the is like not like that. History proved it. Adolf Hitler didn't didn't look and say, "This Jew is a great rabbi, a great sage, a saint, a rabbi, a teacher. He belongs in the gas chambers. This Jew, an atheist, a socialist, a communist, despised religion, despised Jews, despised Judaism. If there was Jewish blood flowing in his sinews, our worst enemy understood he has to be exterminated like the greatest saint. Why? Because he knew in a devil-like fashion that the holiness in this Jew is akin to the holiness in that Jew. And evil senses holiness and wants to destroy it. Haman also mean talking about HIM. HE DIDN'T LIKE HAMAN. HE DIDN'T YOU YOU'RE UPSET AT MORDECAI. KILL HIM. He's not bowing down to you. Kill him. Why do you Why do you want to kill everybody? Because he understood that every Jewish child is really Mordecai. Every child is a little is a little Mordecai. Every child is a little Mordecai. He understood that. So therefore history has proven that made us But it goes much deeper. Rabbi Meir did not come from Jews. Who was Rabbi Meir's great-great-great-great grandfather? Esau. The says that he was with him. Isaac saw in the soul of Esau are trapped souls. Like who? Rabbi Meir, Shemaiah, Avtalyon. He saw what's inside of Esau. So now when Messiah comes, God comes to Abraham and says, "Your children sinned." Abraham says, "Punish them." "Jacob, your children sinned. You know you raised kids. Punish them." Comes to Isaac, the well-digger. He says, "Your children sinned." Isaac says, "Well, before we even continue the conversation, let's get this right. WE'RE NOT DISCUSSING SINS YET. WE'LL GET THERE. FIRST thing is stop calling them my children. They're your children." What was Isaac saying? Hashem doesn't know this? What are you giving Hashem a lesson? You're going to teach him a lesson? God forgot the Torah? He forgot the Torah? You remember it? Isaac is giving God a tutorial? God forgot what happened at Mount Sinai? He doesn't know he said "children of Israel"? Hashem was waiting for Isaac to respond to say this. Don't say "your CHILDREN SINNED". SAY "OUR CHILDREN, MY CHILDREN". THAT'S ALREADY A DIFFERENT SPIN. Even if there's a sin, it's already A DIFFERENT SPIN. LET'S FIRST AND FOREMOST REMEMBER THESE ARE YOUR CHILDREN. So now you'll ask me, "Why Isaac? Why did Isaac love Esau?" The answer why Isaac loved Esau is because he was his child. And that's what a father does. A father loves a child. It's easy to love Jacob. It's hard maybe to love Esau, but that's what the well-digger teaches us. A father loves a child. Doesn't mean I agree with my child. It doesn't mean I'm not hurt by my child's decisions always. It doesn't mean it doesn't mean I don't have pain because of certain behaviors of my child. On the contrary, the more the love, the more the pain. But it means I still love my child. I don't throw my child out of my house. I don't alienate myself from my child. I DON'T EXPEL MY CHILD. I DON'T SAY YOU'RE NOT MY CHILD, YOU'RE A GENTILE. I MAY BE HURT. I may be pained. I may be disappointed. I may cry. I may have sleepless nights, but I DON'T SAY YOU'RE NOT MY CHILD. YOU'RE MY CHILD and I love you because the LOVE IS ESSENTIAL AND UNCONDITIONAL. AND THE DISTANCE IS ONLY THERE ULTIMATELY to create a much deeper relationship. The whole story of a soul's journey on earth is this. It's not a story about a few children. This is A STORY OF EVERY SOUL IS THE SAME. That's the story of the well-digger. So Isaac says, "My children, not your children, my children." Now let's talk about the sins. Let's give it perspective. People who live 70 years, they're miserable, THEY'RE STRESSED. HALF THE TIME THEY'RE SLEEPING, they don't even know what hit them. The other half of the time they're looking for a bathroom. Or today's world they're running from one doctor to another doctor, from one nutritionist to another nutritionist, from one yoga to another yoga, one therapist to another therapist, one store to another store, one cafeteria to another cafeteria, one friend to another friend. They don't have a clue. Who even knows who even has the mindfulness of knowing what's going on? SO YOU'RE LEFT WITH 12 AND 1/2 YEARS THAT THEY'RE ANYWAY in the bathroom trying to figure out their system. NOW THIS 12 AND 1/2 YEARS THEY SINNED. ISAAC SAYS, "HALF ON YOU HALF ON ME. AND IF YOU DON'T WANT HALF ON YOU, FINE, I'LL TAKE everything because I'm a father." What do the Jews say about Isaac? "YOU ARE OUR FATHER." You are our father. We learn now what a father is. We learn now what a mother is. This doesn't mean that strong decisions This doesn't mean that Isaac was not upset with Esau's behavior. When he married certain women, it says Isaac was upset. Love doesn't mean I'm not upset. Love doesn't mean I'm not hurt. Love doesn't mean I'm not confused and I'm not in pain. Love means I'm hurt, but I love. The two are not mutually exclusive. Loving you doesn't mean I agree. I embrace everything. I agree with it and I call it holy. BUT I LOVE. So Isaac loved Esau. Isaac loved Esau with him. So I saw Rabbi Meir Rabbi Meir says with him. This gave him game in his own mouth. Because when Messiah comes, Rabbi Meir says, God tells Isaac, "YOUR CHILDREN SINNED." "YOUR CHILDREN SINNED." ISAAC SAYS, "HALF ON YOU HALF ON ME. AND IF YOU WANT ALL ON ME, WHAT IS HIS REAL ARGUMENT? His argument was, "God, learn from me. I had Esau in my house. I had Esau in my house. What did I do? I loved him. I embraced him. I connected to him every day. We had moments of deep intimacy together. He looked forward to serve me, to bring me a meal. For him to bring me a meal from the field was the sea of ecstasy. Why? Such a lowlife, such a lowlife. So why is he SO EXCITED THAT AN OLD FATHER AN OLD FATHER who's sitting with an old book by his by his desk? Well, he wasn't sitting with an old book. Whatever he was sitting with, what do you have with him? You're a man of the world. Because he knew that his father loved him. And he knew that that love he won't find anywhere in the world. And even Rebecca, even Rebecca, when she had to send away Jacob cuz he would have been killed, look what she did. Why didn't she send away Esau? Just like Isaac TOLD JACOB, "GO. GO FIND A AND GO AS FAR AS POSSIBLE." He could have done the same thing with Esau. Tell Esau, "You know, Esau, I think you should go discover the United States of America before Columbus." Esau would have listened TO HIS FATHER. "GO. GO FIND GO FIND DIAMONDS. Go find gold." Rebecca could have made a situation where Esau leaves, Jacob stays. Let the two saints bask together. Instead, Jacob was separated 22 years from his father. How much did the world lose from that separation? You have an answer to this question? WHY DIDN'T REBECCA SEND ESAU AWAY? YOU'RE SENDING JACOB. Send Esau. They won't Whoopsie. Okay. So good. No, don't put it there. Yeah. Yeah. You forgot the laws of gravity. You know what the answer is? The answer is one word, and that is It says here Esau. The end of parshas told us, it says, Yitzchak sent Yaakov away. He went to Lavan, the daughter of Bethuel, the brother of Rivka, the mother of Yaakov and Esau. Aim Yaakov and Esau. Zucht Rashi, "Any idea ma melamdeinu?" AFTER A WHOLE PARSHAS TOLD US, YOU DECIDED TO TELL ME THAT Rivka was the mother of Yaakov and Esau. Really? Good morning, as we say, "Hast an deckt America." A whole parsha we're learning Rivka, Yitzchak, Yaakov, Esau, boom, boom, BOOM. AND THEN SUDDENLY AT THE END, WHEN YAAKOV is leaving, he's already 60 years old, suddenly she's the mother of Yaakov and Esau. But there's a reason for it. After the whole story, you might think Rivka was Yaakov's mother, not Esau's mother. So at the end of the story, we say she sent Yaakov away. You know why? She was Esau's mother. She knew Yaakov can go far away, he'll do well. Esau needs his father. You don't send Esau away from his father. Don't take Esau out OF THIS HOME. YAAKOV WILL do well, he did well for himself. He travels far away, and he finds wells wherever he goes. THE FIRST THING HE DOES IN CHARAN IS "VAYINTZEI." REMEMBER "VAYINTZEI be'er basadeh." He finds a well there, too. Rivka knows he's going to find a well. And who's at the well? RACHEL. JUST LIKE YITZCHAK AND Eliezer Eliezer and Rivka and Moshe and Tziporah. But Esau Esau needs his father. She was Esau's mother, too. She wasn't only Yaakov's mother. Yes, she made some strong decisions. She knew Yaakov has to get the blessings. That's a separate shiur. But she was Esau's mother. So when God tells Yitzchak, "Your children sinned." Yitzchak says, "It's on me. I lived with Esau. What did I do WITH ESAU? I'M NOT GOD. I'M A MORTAL HUMAN BEING. I'm a man OF FLESH AND BLOOD. BUT I DIDN'T THROW ESAU OUT OF THE HOUSE. I CONTINUED TO HOLD ESAU'S HAND THROUGHOUT, NOT BECAUSE I WAS NAIVE. I KNEW EXACTLY WHO HE WAS, WHAT HE MARRIED, WHAT HIS PRIORITIES WERE. BUT I KNEW HE'S MY CHILD." HE LOVED Esau "tzayid befi." This gave him in his mouth. This counter response, what God was craving to hear from the ultimate well digger. Ribbono shel Olam, you could learn from me. Learn from me. And the Divrei Meir says that the Be'er Mayim Chaim, Reb Chaim Chernowitzer, he's one of the great Chassidic masters, the Be'er Mayim Chaim. He had a child. He was one of the great tzaddikim of the generation, Reb Chaim of Chernowitz. He wrote a book called Be'er Mayim Chaim. He wrote a book called Siddurei shel Shabbos. And he says there that he had a child who left his path. Left the path of his father. And uh you know, those days, it was very common, you sat shiva, you tore your clothes, you threw him out of the house, it was over. But he kept him and he was very close to him. He said every day the Be'er Mayim Chaim, before he would start davening, he would put on a tallis and tefillin, and he would start speaking to Hashem, and he would say, "Before I start davening, the first thing I want to say is I want you to learn from me how to treat a child." I'm going to quote this to you. I found it fascinating. Somebody sent it to me last week. It says Divrei Meir, parshas told us. So he said, before davening, he would say, "Ribbono shel Olam, look at me. See how I behave with my child, even though he doesn't go in a wholesome way. I do with him only good and kindness. I embrace him, I love him, and I think about his well-being. And I'm only a human being of flesh and blood. You are our compassionate father, tov u'meitiv u'rav chesed. This is how you should behave with your children. K'rachamim av al banim, kein tiracham aleinu u'sashpiya aleinu. Learn from me, Ribbono shel Olam, a kal vachomer." So that's why when Mashiach comes and Hashem tells Yitzchak, "Banecha chatu." Your children sinned. It's Yitzchak whose life personified this, who responds. And that's really the true concept of gevurah. And with this we close it up. We bring the circle together. Chesed means kindness, love. Rachamim means compassion. Gevurah is discipline, boundaries. Real gevurah doesn't come from apathy, from cruelty, from indifference, from distance. It comes because I believe actually in you. When I have to give everything, give and give and give and give and give, I don't feel in your ability to respond. I don't feel your potential is there. We sometimes look at chesed as the ultimate love. Chesed is powerful. But chesed can often also mean, "I'll just cover up for you." Gevurah actually means, "I believe in you. I know that it's in you. I want to see your potential emerge." Real gevurah comes from the deepest type of love. I don't only love you, I believe in you. I know it's you, it's inside of you. You don't need me. You need the boundaries for you to be able to discover who you are. Gevurah, discipline, strength, that is not based on this type of caring, often is destructive. Because it becomes about revenge, anger, vengeance. I'll teach you a lesson. I'll show you who's boss. Real gevurah, Yitzchak's gevurah, is a gevurah that comes from the deepest type of attachment. I AM SO ATTACHED TO YOU THAT ACTUALLY I GIVE you your space because I know how powerful you are. Once Yitzchak lived this life, and therefore he refused to give up even on Esau, "ki tzayid befi." He has a grandson, Reb Meir. Reb Meir came from Esau. It looked like Yitzchak wasn't successful with Esau. Where did Esau end up? Eich veizo hu. His head was buried with Yitzchak because the origin of Esau is always one with Yitzchak. But the manifestation of Esau went elsewhere. But generations later, you have Reb Meir. Reb Meir was a descendant OF ESAU. THE GEMARA SAYS he was called Reb Meir because Meir einayim chachamim ba'halacha. HE CAN LIGHT UP THE EYES OF THE SAGES in halacha. Reb Meir was considered the gadol hador, and Reb Meir's rebbe was Elisha ben Avuya, who became a heretic. And he continued to remain a student by him. So they asked Reb Meir, "How could you learn from this rebbe? He's a heretic." And the Gemara says in Maseches Chagiga, Reb Meir tocho achal u'klipo zarok. He ate the inside and he threw out the shells. Asks the MAGGID OF MEZRITCH, "WHAT do you do first? You remove the shell or you do the inside? What do you do first?" FIRST YOU REMOVE THE SHELL. HE SHOULD HAVE SAID "KLIPO ZAROK V'TOCHO ACHAL." GOOD QUESTION, NO? So the Maggid of Mezritch answers, "No. Reb Meir can do this with Elisha ben Avuya because his whole life was lived in this way. That "Tocho achal u'klipo zarok." He never got disturbed by the shells. HIS WHOLE LIFE WAS THAT HE ALWAYS COULD FOCUS ON THE TOCH. So therefore, even a rebbe like Elisha ben Avuya, he can always see that light inside." Reb Meir becomes one of the great sages that passes on Torah to the Jewish people. This was Yitzchak, what he saw in Esau, "ki tzayid befi." Have a wonderful week. That's a good question. When you keep your son at home and you're enabling bad behavior, it's not an easy It's difficult. It's complicated. You have to be able to figure it out. If the child is going to be home, all the other children have to be mobilized into Then it's much easier. If there's other children, the other children have to be given a almost like if a child, chas v'shalom, is suffering from an illness. Yeah? And they're home. The other children don't say, "Oh, why is he not going to school?" We explain to the children what this child is going through, and that we're all going to be here together to help this person. All the children have to be in on it. If not, it could be a disaster. You're right, it is very challenging. It's not easy. You have to include the children in the mission. They have to be soldiers, mobilized. If the child is alone in the house, then it's much easier. That could be. That could be. Every Here's the clock. I didn't mean to make a generalization about every child and every relationship. Does he mean mekarev is the small doiche? You have to know what the child is suffering from, what the child is dealing with. If how serious it is, how deep it is, what's going on, and make different judgments. That's true. You can't make generalizations, and people need people in their life that they could trust, confidants, confidants, whether a good friend, a good master, a good mentor, people who are experts in this field, to help guide them. This class is brought to you by the Yeshiva.net. Please help us continue the classes. Make even a small contribution at www.theyeshiva.net/donate.