Sanctifying your relationships - Exchanging one pleasure for another - Rabbi Chaim Dalfin

so we're learning Tanya we're middle of page 126 chapter 44 in Tanya is the third uh lesson on this chapter with God's help we'll finish tomorrow the balatan here discussed yesterday a very interesting type of uh a love for God one that's called quoting the Z like a son who who does whatever needs to be done including self-sacrifice for his parent and we and the Alba kind of gave us a buzzword to to refer to this love as the love of ainu there is the love ofu of life and there's love for our father and the difference ISU as much of a value that it is that we come to realize that God is the force of our life and all there is in the world is is God Almighty cuz whatever happens it's from God whether it's good or perceive no good whatever the case it's from God nevertheless one exchanges like some have said about another concept one TAA for another TAA first I had a desire a lust for uh women I had a lust for money I had a Lust For pleasures and I came to a conclusion I'm wasting my time because it's here today and gone tomorrow so so now what am I going to do I'm going to exchange that lust that that desire that TVA for a higher more sophisticated or refined T called God what's my perception of God is that he gives me life that means I'm important and I exist and I count and I'm a and I'm a something so the the love of which we called earlier my my soul thirst lusts for you at night in the classical um language of King Solomon of a love story right I want you a night why do I want you at night I don't want you at day why do you emphasize I want you at all times because night represents darkness and problems and misery solve my misery at night wow you're going to solve my misery now that type of a love both in the physical and in the spiritual Shore which was talking about here we're not talking about the physical that type of a love it's a it's it's a very powerful one but yet it's exchanging one desire for another desire you never leave the world of desire and you think about think about it in other words it's like someone saying why should I become a b why should I you know why should I stop eating eating pork and then and then non kosher and put on Fillin and everything else you know why cuz it's a better life the world world of Torah the world of religion the world of spirituality you'll he you'll stay out of trouble you won't get illnesses and you'll be more of a refined person so it's it's a it's a no a no-brainer that type of analysis is very much part of life but it's it's it's it's limited it's limited to the ey to the yesh to in other words it's pleasuring myself not with the physical uh physical material it's pleasuring myself with the spiritual but I'm still pleasuring myself the love of that a child has for a parent where he's willing to do anything or everything or or or a girl for a parent a child for a parent it goes beyond existence even if I die I do it for my parent you know I grew up with a with a mother was a holocaust Survivor okay Grandparents were a holocaust F family and my mother I heard it from her so many times when we became when we got sick a she would say I wish I would have it and you wouldn't have it of course of course and and and and and and that was common you know Common and I mean like look how it sticks in my head now in my 60s and it's it's like like like I hear it today from my mother she's passed on already 16 to 18 years I forget now right in other words yeah in other words the the self sacrificed that that and that was a parent to a child my mother to to us now imagine the the the right Torah attitude a child to a parent which Unfortunately today were missing because kids have only complaints against their parents they'll sit around and bad mouth their mother and their father and mean they came from from from their Union you wouldn't be here you you you low life you're only here because of them so where's your respect but it's a lost art it's a lost art I'm talking about myself too my my my respect for parents compared to my mother's is nothing it's a Shand a shame why cuz I'm a American spoiled brat okay and she came out of the the shettle out of the Cradle out of the Holocaust my mother when my grandmother was already in her 80s and had demension and you know was going downhill so she slept right here where I'm teaching you right over here I see the couch except we have a new couch but the position of the couch with the couch was there she would sleep sometimes sometimes on the couch my mother would lay down on the floor so in case my grandmother falls down she should fall on top of her and that's what she slept for the night on the floor so that her mother in case she rolls off the couch and should fall on top of her no did I ever do that I should never have to do it you know my father should be well but you understand the idea so let's go back to what he's saying ananya the love of of of a child's self-sacrifice is dismissing and leaving the yesh the eye it's not the exchange of one pleasure for another pleasure a physical material pleasure for a for a spiritual pleasure it's to vacate pleasure if there's anything of a imp pleasure that's associated with the I IE the ism the ism get away from it you don't want it that's really bad why is it bad it's spiritual pleasure but spiritual pleasure is still pleasure that you pleasure yourself and a Jew has to come to a point one second that the pleasure they have for a piece of meat on chabas or a union that's a holy Union Etc should not be to pleasure himself but to pleasure to have God be expressed through that pleasure and there shouldn't be an iota of your pleasure in it it should be God's pleasure that's pleasuring you now you'll say well who how's that how's that possible today okay hold on hold on hold on don't throw stones at me yet I got it mute yourself please how is that possible you have to review the the last 43 chapters in Tanya it is possible it's not possible in the microcosm it's possible in the uh in the macro in the macrocosm it's possible it's possible in every little area in your life in I'm sorry in one area in your life to develop such a feeling if you work at it if you don't work at it you're right it's possible it is possible it is possible the question is whether we really want it we all know when we really want something nothing can stop us nothing so the question is if you have the will if there's a will there's a way Yi if you have the rut on and most of us don't have the rut on at all times and if we have the ruton once in a while at a certain spiritual Godly path Torah path we're we're way ahead so this this one second let me let me speak and later this is this is the the the love that the AL calls here right not that is God is our life that's the lower level that's the the level the one we're talking about the higher one is the which is self-sacrifice now on page 126 is going to further elucidate this idea and then teach us more about it I want to learn Insight look look at page uh we are um we're at the fourth line after the period the middle of the line okay says that we have to accustom ourselves for it to be on our mouth and through our voice and he says when we train ourselves in this way second nature becomes habit or you know becomes our or habit becomes our nature although it seems to the person it's a where where where we holding we're holding the right now we're on the fifth line on page 126 from the top 1 two 3 four five I have I have I the bottom totally wrong the bottom is the end of is the end of it's the end of the chapter what what you you mean four or five lines before the end of the four or five lines before the end of the chapter no no no way no way okay please go back to 126 fifth The Fifth Line and even though it appears to it's a fantasy that's what y asked who's holding by it it's a fantasy says the balat the language that he used in chapter 31 as well means don't be concerned Why not since from your perspective is it's true what you're doing you really mean it if on its own it's true it touches it comes from the hidden love in the heart therefore it's fine however for it to come out to fruition in a manifested state should be practical which should lead to that you should stud with this feeling so that will help you serve God like a child who serves his father to make to give him pleasure satisfaction that he does that therefore the says say when one has a thought a good thought Hashem combines the thought with the action the pro the issue is like this in the gar it says if someone had a thought to putting on but guess what he didn't get around to put on so if you learn the say the thought itself somehow is as though you put on fill so the question is what do you mean he didn't put on fill I can have all the good thoughts in my in in in the world I didn't do it so the AL chapter 16 of T already explained and it's also based on that it means that he he did do it he did do it but it was lacking kavana so what hasem will do is if you have the good thought of kavana He he'll make the M the action be as though there was kavana with it but not that you didn't do it at all yeah so that's what he says and therefore the this Mitzvah that seems to you to be stale boring empty unenthused will and therefore should not sore and high and should remain just below and not go anywhere and you feel like I didn't D today I didn't learn today but you learn I don't know what I was talking about even I know the my heart on day I was thinking about the bank I was thinking about sports and I was thinking about the stock market I was all over the place am I picking up my kids and everything else you sat and learned is going to combine the and to your actions just do it the best thing is to do with you should have but if you missed right that's what we're saying so he say this pleasure that God has from your action it's comparable and we learned this earlier in Tanya as well the joy that a king has of his son who comes to him after leaving jail what a what what AAS my son was stuck in jail my son is stuck in Gaza and he comes home even if he doesn't say anything and he doesn't share much you are so happy he's here he's left jail even if he's going back to jail but right now he's there right don't think about the future live with the present says the present is that when you put on them you do a Mitzvah that Mitzvah is wholesome that Mitzvah is galic what's going to be tomorrow am I going to repeat the mitzvah am I going to be inspired I don't know but it shouldn't matter to you this is the answer why why kab emphasizes put on fil even just one time but why he's living with a shix he's eating TR he's not putting on film tomorrow you slap him into a msmobile on 47th Street of 5th Avenue Manhattan or at the kis wherever else and you put filling on with him one time here's the answer because you cause the is it about you I or is it about God if it's about God God says this turns me on I get pleasure from one time fing don't tell me about the future that's another Association that's another mindset it's another conversation and it's an important one right but right now so that's what Al says this is comparable to a son of a king who's been L out of jail and the father has parents of such when the the child returns and comes home from jail another Parable another mus or when you make a a dwelling place for God imagine you hasem comes into your house today you're related you're related how long how long is it going to be there someone says to your neighbor how long's God going to be by you your guest I don't know it shouldn't it shouldn't it shouldn't concern you how L he's here now live with the present God is here now and if we put the focus on the now the we're making for says this is genuine Ava the fact that this Ava might not last and the fact that there might be obstructions to the Ava later on who cares now right now you're you're being emis you're honest you mean it you really really mean it you're in you're in what'll be tomorrow what'll be tomorrow we'll deal with tomorrow let's continue the previous mentioned love called the love of the Soul thirst for God it's very close to a person like to to to bring it out to to reveal it from the concealed to to revealed by constantly training the mouth and the heart to have this feeling I just want to point out you some of you have studied and are involved with breast in breas you know this idea of talking to Hashem is very much a staple you know the whole idea of is in we don't find that emphasis we find the emphasis on his meditational reflection in t in certain places and this being one of them right here this page 126 without says he he he calls upon the concept of training your mouth and your voice to to to um to speak about hem through and Torah Etc and you see even here um as he finishes this this section of this chapter he refers back again so I just want to point out for the record because you know sometimes you'll hear some Way's not into you know saying loud the words and and singing loud out and you know it's all about meditation and the head and and I'm not into that I like to articulate you know and to you know whether it's like in carene Stalin we scream very loud other other groups shake a shake a lot you know the different variations right but it's interesting that when you learn Tanya this is not the only place you'll see slight um well not slight it's open it's it's it's it's written clearly here but the the dush the emphasis is more on the hison than the I that's true but to say that the balat didn't understand the value of that too he did and therefore at certain times like over here when he's talking about this these different levels of love and for God he calls upon us to do that to help us feel more the love so it's it's a very interesting uh approach that although normally the approach throughout Tanya is bonus meditation reflection right here he's calling upon us to be Mar to accustom to train your mouth that means to talk it out to sing it out to say it out what do we say we say Co sound of daving is learning is especially happing arouses kavana Focus right so so what does that mean that means you should be singing the whole time some say yes the previous Reb in the talk in 1945 I think he says there he's talking toab who are daving with great and for hours you know like what they call inab right and they and they and they D with a song they start singing SOB gives gives them a and he says what are you a Mal you know what song at what to sing at what time who are you to your little man you know what now he's not obviously he was talking to there and he knew who he's talking to and he felt that they were not at that level but and and he's not talking about you know us who if if Hali we should D with a song Hali you know what I'm saying he was talking there big who thought they were big shots you know they they know what song to sing or what part of daving to to awaken this Angel and that angel on this level and that level so the says you've become a Mal he gives him he wipes him out all of a sudden you become theim are that's not what the AL is talking about here and I've seen that they did that with a niggan and if you hear their niggan some of it's online like there was a of friends they called him he was born 1883 he never came to to the re New York he passed away 1983 he lived 100 years old and they and he was an accountant in the for the Yesa in Bruna in France and he was you know from a different planet a different time they they they they tell over the KRA who went to in the 70s to the Yesa there that for the first time they brought a recording of the reban not not probably the 50s or 60s earlier the you know the old the old the real toal right and he heard the Reb's voice and he started to walk around the real to real he couldn't see where the voice is coming from he didn't see the I mean you're talking about a person and he wasn't making it up he was living still in in the stle right and they have a tape they made a tape without him knowing of him daving saying each word and singing with a it is so it is so therapeutic it is so holy it is so galic and that was his regular ding this wasn't shabas it was during the week he just doing with a sweetness of of of of of voice and and nigan you know and it's not something you Channel hey you know people they asked me at fabrin sing sing sing this and sing that you know what I answer them I'm not a jukebox we put in five cents you push a button and dolphin sings A nigan it don't work that way I could do it for you but not for five cents you know what I'm saying if you want if you want me to perform hire me to perform no problem if you hire me to perform I'll perform but if you want a to sing a n if I bring it doesn't come from sing this now sing this now doesn't that way if you're engrossed in a and you say and you're speaking words of the soul and you're aroused what the Same by right exactly exactly that's my point there's no like as as mosha we've discussed many times Moshe BR you know now it's time to cry for sh M how many times did you cry to sh Keepers five times or three times at what point did you cry or you didn't cry make sure you make yourself cry today before you go to Sho um I don't know take a smell of something or smoke something and start crying like what is going on here when I was in Marine County and you guys can relate to this you know this was in the mid 80s okay and everyone knows that you know what Marin was as I've told you know the hat hat of capital of the United States at that time you know post the Berkeley and and and and you know the counterculture of the 60s and 70s right there was a group of people in another city who were from bichua other and Friday night before this is the first time I heard about it unfortunately today it happens more often they smoked up before shabas they could be in high and dance I I remember you know I was a sincere guy from now the drink before before now they drink before I was ay a sincere guy from the Yesa from leab from 770 in my days there was no such a thing on the contrary when shabas came you you you you know you dressed put on a nice suit nice clothing and you prepared yourself it was a whole you know so this is not what means here by singing you know we're going to get ourselves stoned now so we can sing by my friend I don't need that type of singing I don't want that type of singing no you want to do that do that don't tell me that's that's not is you're going to the car and I've been there with yav many times and people I'm just saying what I see people are happy be there they dance and they sing if it's coming from the heart call you know what I'm saying we have to stop here and um we will continue inem tomorrow I don't know if we'll finish it but we we can do anyone had a question in particular or anything that you want to ask me okay anyway get ready youat is chabas yes Misha I just want to say this issue what you brought up a few minutes ago about training the whole idea of training it's interesting inab I've always found that that's like a um it's it's it's a uh in a way like almost like a methodology you don't see a you don't see of in other places um element's element of training I Masha turn yourself off manasha I can't hear mha please you you're saying in kabad you find that training is is more um palp applicable than in other systems um I don't know I don't I it depends in kabad the training is in one in in one St for example in klen St and they're they're into shouting I mean they train themselves to shout I'm serious so I again I don't know I'm not so vers to tell you if they have sessions where they train themselves to scream with they but I've I've seen them you know in their in their High Time both inim in May sharim and here in B Park where they will you know go back and gasp for air and then go boom and they give it out it seems to me that there's a certain type of training but uh it's different it that's why that's what I'm saying you're right the the training that that and is talking about is a very different type of training I would say it's not so much of an emotional training it's it's an intellectual training that leads to an emotionalism I I I would say what what meditation um yes but meditation where other are not so much into meditation they're more into other kind of spiritual Awakenings and here it's more of trying to train yourself how to be centered yes how to be centered and how to it's a different it's totally different than all including Caren carlen it's it's amazing but it's not it's something else yes I I think maybe I'm thinking specifically in a way maybe I'm thinking specifically about like one is train in a way oh that's okay that's something else but that's some okay that that's that's true but that's not I don't see how it's what's the connection to what we're learning here about training the the voice and the sound after meditation you're saying training that in other systems they don't have that why in in in in in Lakewood in in ponich in the L World they they train the students to in the gor so yes they don't TR they don't train them to go put F on with Jews oras it's another type of training but it's it's a valid training from what they believe is theer so and kabad you know trains the students to go out absolutely so I just I I I I I would say that it's a different type of training but I not to not to you know to be little I'm not saying you are doing that but I'm saying it's not that that they they just don't they don't Fe that you know we need this should be an emphasis and therefore you know but I think MOS I think mosha is saying is trying to connect he'll correct if I'm wrong there is the of in an example of and connecting it with there is a you don't have that connection okay okay if that's what mha meant I'll accept that I'll accept that no I mean yeah yeah yeah yeah hello I just want to make a comment something you were saying before yes U about pleasure and that in this week's para in his M on makos yes says says that um the the uh the whole idea of um of maros BOS was to uh to U root the uh the roip of of of the of the highest Kiper of of aipa and and he further says that that's what gives us the uh the capacity fores the ability to to derive pleasure and sanctify our pleasure that's it comes from the uh comes from from the coak of uprooting the co the kip uh the kipa of ofos so so is saying that the the is specifically associated with pleasure is that what I'm hearing well that the the capacity that the capacity that the the uh that the Jewish people have to sanctify ourselves with the things that are permissible come came out of that Maka in the sense that that Maka was was a Mak for the MIT and a for for the for the for and that's the sense that I understood it right right but what what I hear that but what I'm asking you is what's the connection between Mak and what's the intellectual connection between the two the way I the way I understand it is that um uh the um that be outside of that before that or if that didn't happen that we wouldn't have the ability to bring kadua into permissible things that bring us pleasure I I'm asking you I'm asking you I'm asking I understand but why why what's the connection to marus pus he says by um uh but in the P that says mes that oh kades that P yes that's ah so he's deriving it from kades Le that's what you're telling me okay well and yeah that this and this this idea that um that would not have been a a kind of accessible aod I hear you I hear you okay and that is in a certain sense the right oh let me think about it I I I hear the point have a great day with see everyone tomorrow Z have a good day byebye take care thank you thank you