Rabbi Benzion Klatzko: Can Judaism Include Everyone?

and social and maybe even judaic maturity to understand the concept that we're going to speak about now although it's not an easy one and you'll see what I mean in a moment I think that we we're all agreement that wants us to love each other hasem wants everyone to love each other in a very strong way and we were really happy when we see that Ava manifest itself I remember years ago I went to France and I was in the airport and it was one of those moving sidewalks where you just stand there and you know sidewalk moves and on one side there was sidewalk going one way and then right next to it was the sidewalk going the other way and as we were there my first time in France I was I was a lot younger than I am now and as as I'm passing by as I'm on this on the sidewalk going one way there is a Jewish French family black c n going the other way and as we passed each other as we crossed paths I turned and I said Shalom and he Al Shalom and that French accent and we smiled and it was a you know sidewalk kept going and you know they the distance between us but my heart was filled with love and pride and look look at this here we are we've never met each other we'll probably never meet each other again but we share the same Zas and bubas we share the same the same Heritage and the same values and the same love for Hashem and all that together makes us want to say hello when we pass each other in France and we've heard about this we probably haven't heard about it enough um but we've heard about it and when I say we I don't think we've heard about it enough it's because if we would understand how pivotal having love towards a fellow Jew really is it would be a priority it would be something that is spoken about every other speech that you hear and you hear a lot of very very you hear about I'm sure more than one you've heard I'm sorry thank you thanks you've heard Schoo about the internet you've heard scho lots of different things and you've heard about the evils of this and the evils of that and the dangers of this and the dangers of that but to hear a talk about let's work on this AAS isra again and again and again until until it it until we're in anguish when we hear that Teck on shavas a tree falls down and two people die we what do we do the rest of the night immediately after we heard that news what do we do think about what we did we may have given a we may and then you know what what we doing from tonight are we going ice skating are we what are we doing we should have been ice MCH we should have been completely out of our out of our heads we should have been distraught but the reason we're not is not because we don't feel tragedy but really I believe it's because we don't feel love we don't feel the kind of love that we should because we we don't hear about it enough we're going to speak about one of those kinds of Love possibly the most difficult of those kinds of love but I I throw this out to you because I I think it's something that has to be spoken about more and more um when he said do you want to accept my it says they stood in front of the mountain they stood in front of our and we all know the words we all know the song we all know the rash and that was not just a side note that was the prerequisite to the Jewish people accepting the Torah they have to sit they have to stand by the mountain like one person if they had been like two people or 10 people or whatever whatever it is then hasem what is said you know I cannot give you the Torah you have to be now if you stop and think about it a moment what does that mean they all stood around the mountain and they were able to see each other experience the only thing is if you think about it the way we look at the Jewish people standing around the mountain is that they weren't in one area of the mountain they weren't on the north of the mountain or on the south or the east of the West they were around the mountain and when you're around the mountain what that really means is that the people on the north side of harini did not see the people on the south side of our SII and the people on the East didn't see the people on the west so how could it have been how how was like I didn't even see half the people there the answer is that they were at one with each other the Ava that they had towards each other transcended the idea that okay I don't see you but I know that you're there we have this amazing idea when uh the Jewish people crossed the amsu it says when they crossed the amsu who said I'm going to make a different Row for each of my for each of my other words you each have a purpose but even though you each have a purpose you're going to be able to see each other it was seethrough right Ruben was able to see shim was able to see Ley and so on why would why was it see-through CU who said even though you're different and even though you may have different men hug but you see you have to see each other you have to care about each other even more if you look at the medish the medish says that when shed gun went through the yamu when shed gun went through they brought with them AAR that means they walked through the yam holding Idols you stop to think about like fellas Hashem is making an ace For You why why not leave thear on the other side of the Y why bring it with you through the yam as a matter of fact on that the me [Music] says these people worship wor why should you save the and why should you kill the G why should you kill the m so the question is like this did Hashem make the w walls that were in between sh dun and the Sha to the right and the Shava to the left did he make those walls see through his well was a technical question yeah were they able probably yeah probably yeah meaning says even though they're holding AAR I want you to be able to see them because they are still your brothers and sisters you still have to have that love maybe you'll be MH on them I'm not worried you're going to be mush from them but you have to see them you have to see them you have to feel with your heart who they are what they're about and and that is that's the idea of loving uh loving your fellow Jew now when I was 18 years old I went to Eric St and I went I went um I went to a Col over there and was one of my first shabas and at I was staying by the Mash's house and I was waxing poetic I was telling this Mash you know when I see these Israeli kids you know they can be completely non from my heart is filled with love I just want to take him and a little cute little isra kid you don't want to hug him and kiss and you're my brother you're my right you're mine you we're one we're one nation I mean I wish you kept CH I wish you kept but we're one so the Mas said to me Ah that's not a big deal the fact that you want to hug the cute little Israeli kid that's not a big deal I want you to go to May AR and look at the old little rev ARA kid with the pom pom White yamama and the and the curly past and the white socks pulling up you feel like hugging him as well not so much and that's the first time I was exposed to what we're going to speak about this evening when she is how do you love somebody who looks at you as if you are less from than them this is a tough one it's easy to love the Bala it's easy to love the person who you look at is less than youas I'll get him to I'll get him to the keep kosher that's going to be wonderful the question is how do you love the guy how do you love the lady who you think looks down on you cuz you're not as firm as them does that question resonate with you it's a tough one I want to tell you that RAB AA said when I see a go when I see aad when I see a walking by he said this before he became RAB AKA when I see a person of Torah knowledge walking by I feel like kicking them in the teeth I want to knock their teeth out because nobody likes to get looked down on we don't like when someone looks down on us and when I go into a and here I am and I'm not very clearly and in my mind I begin to think do they look down on me do they look at me like I'm not really from or I'm modern a little off the D maybe probably well do I love them still do I have a I'm not worried about whether they have St to me hopefully they do but do I have to them this is a tough tough issue it is the toughest it it it's the toughest issue to love somebody who you look you think looks down on you so I want to tell you an amazing story that I was privileged to be part of and this story is going to be published in a book that is coming out right after PES but I'm going to give you all the details the story take a little shortcut in the book this is the long version of the story I knew a fellow he was a pal knew how to learn went to a very very good Yesa got married to a woman the daughter of arov he had his own Yeshiva and his father who was a r eventually passed away excuse me and he was summoned by the community that his father was the ren to go and be the next R of the community and he agreed he accepted and he left that Yeshiva to take over the sh take over the community and it was a good R very eloquent an amazing speaker I was in awe to to listen listen to him and give it to russer built the community created after in the community made programs in the community and the community it was an out of town community began to grow now there's a certain reality which is that as communities begin to grow and you want to create a from Community with a frommer element and you start sending the kids or the kids of your balab batam to Yeshiva they come back and guess what they're too from for the Sho that they grew up in so what happens eventually they say we have to make a firmer we got to make a fmer and that's what happened to this community they decided a number of babata came for they decided that the Sho of this rub is not firm enough for them so they hired a very yes and he moved in and created the yes of course if that is now the yes what's the other sh it's the modern sh the and who wants to be associated with that not the people want to be former so people began to leave that Sho that was one the big Community sh to go to the new Breakaway sh the from sh you must have heard stories like this in the past this is what happens that it's not a bad thing if it's done in a d stick away because eventually shs grow maybe barar flap was also started with one Shool Once Upon a Time right half started with the first one and then another one opened up for then a break away and this NE whatever it is that's how communities grow but this RV who had put his heart and soul into the Sho was understandably upset he felt as do many RAB of shs that uh that spawn breakaways he felt the sh was not big enough to have a breakaway pill for all sorts of from uh the from element from his and more than that he said I worked so hard to make my sha from sh and now you're going to come and you're going to bring all sorts of you can you can to make another Sho you have it's going to be the firmer Sho so now they're going to take away all my yite and I'm back to square one trying to make it yes and now every time I make someone yes what's what's going to happen it'll go to the from sh and uh and it it's sad but that's that's just what happens the the rub did get very upset and after a little while he had enough and he resigned from that Shore and he stopped being a RV and as he uh he went into business and he became whatever semis successful and uh and that was it he would D in that first sh but he was very bitter and at every opportunity he would put down Yesa light he would put down B Tor even though he himself used to be a Russa but now the bitterness uh pervaded uh his home it seeped into every one of his bones and uh it became the talk of his shabas table whenever you would see something he'd read a story in the paper he was the first one to say ah you see these guys see these guys and it was very sad because he did have a lot of kids and the kids you know you hear tati daddy ABA speak like that again and again and you grow up like that what's going to happen what's going to be your outlook in life you're also going to have an axe to grind you're also going to feel this is these are Yeshiva life well this r one of his sons was getting married and it's getting married to a girl and that girl lived in uh the girl lived in New York and therefore the wedding was going to be in New York we heard about this so we called this RV we were friendly with him we knew him from before we said you know what why don't you come to New York You'll Be Our Guest we love to to have You Be Our Guest come bring the family during the week of chevas whatever Chas are in New York will you make AAS for you and the r this former RV turned businessman was grateful and he agreed and he came from out of town he came to our home and he stayed by us the day before the wedding I decided to take this U former R and his Ritson out to eat we live in m so I took him to the purple pair and we began to Schoo and as weing in walks a few into the purple pair and they see uh they see this former R the r sees them and he turns to me and he says you know they don't really care about other Jews it's all a charade the beard and the black hatat and this and the payis they care about themselves and themselves alone they don't really care about other people so I said you know I don't agree with you he goes no you wouldn't you live in M no I don't agree with you and I'll tell you why I'll tell you why I said a little while ago I was actually called by a to give a sheer to a group of how to do kiru now when you think about kiru the first thing that comes to mind is not always a doing the cir what what what is he going to do he doesn't speak English he going to go over to someone on his Subway you know a girl not going to happen right so I was surprised but I said sure you want I'll be glad to give a share how to do kiru and I I went down to the S Maro and I was surprised the room was full I gave a shear and the shear kept going and going and they were asking questions and they wanted to know and one hour turned into two hours which turned into three hours and were going what do I do if he says this what do I do that how do I invite for sh and how do I act and in my mind I'm thinking you know this is a little bit of a waste of time because I'm never really going to do it but it's still sort of cool that they want to do c so I told this former R I said you know if they didn't care about other Jews they would not have called me down to teach them how to do kiru and it's just a show it's a charade it's not real don't be so naive don't be so gullible okay what am I going to argue with this guy I'm not going to argue with them okay let's enjoy our fried fish and chips and there we go so we finished eating we went home the next day was the wedding very exciting the wedding now I had a little bit of a dilemma because there was another friend of mine who was getting married that evening and he did not have any family it was a b choua any any from family and I felt that I I should be there for the and this friend of mine he'll have tons of people the wedding he's he was a r his his wife is a daughter of her very famous R they have tons of people and this other wedding is going to have one it would be a mitzvah for me to start off that wedding show face make in the beginning and then I'll go over I may miss the of this former R son but you know I'll go to a midst wedding so I went to the midst of a wedding which was a m and then I was going to drive over to Williamsburg where this wedding was taking place which is where the hall was so I'm in the middle of the first Mitzvah wedding when I get an SOS phone call emergency phone call I pick up the phone and the person on the other line said you have to you have to come to this wedding I said why well this friend of yours who stayed at your house the wedding is here in Williamsburg it is set for 350 people and 20 people have showed up to the wedding 20 people men and women included so 20 people he said there is screaming there is yelling there is crying there are many many many empty tables there's a five piece band and a singer and 20 people your worst nightmare imagine you make a wedding and 20 people have showed up so I said okay I'm in the car I get I'm on the way to Williamsburg and okay what are you going to do about it bring some friends and I think bring some friends you have 20 people what am I to do pack my car with three more people so we 23 people there 24 including myself what am I going to do what what what are we supposed to do so I'm driving I'm thinking this is just a disaster uh I don't know how it it happened but what are we going to do so I'm driving to the wedding I'm driving and I'm thinking what am I going to do then I thought to myself one second this group of that I gave the class to I'm gonna I'm going to send a text well I'm driving maybe you know that was before was illegal I'm going to send a text and I'm going to tell the the guy who arranged it to try to get a few of the guys if they live in Williamsburg let them walk on over and give Ole it shouldn't be an embarrassment so I so I had time and driving for one taex SOS mitvah at such and such a hole please make sure people come so the guy calls me up what's the deal I said mid 20 people showed up can you get a few I'll do my best get to the wedding I missed the the site you never seen a such a site at a wedding it was like a at the if anyone was male they got a keybo even the 13-year-old kids because they barely had a minion there and this is a fancy Hall and very Posh was a singer in Orchestra nobody nobody sh so I come in I give M all the men were at one table they want to scan it can you imagine everyone actually actually sat in their designated table one there one over there so they're all sitting around one table I come in and give masle what happened what happened I'm get Poke around what happened what happened was they had decided not to to insert reply cards they would send on invitation you know because they figured they basically know how many people are going to show up and Supply reply cards people don't reply they do and they're not coming anyways not worth it the the wife okay the what had happened was the wife had asked the husband to nailed the invitations and had left them in his office and he didn't realize that and so no invitations were sent to the wedding and therefore no one knew there was a wedding that night is that sad very who one no one got an invitation so here I am I'm in Williamsburg no one is showing up to this wedding and then okay they finished the first course and the dancing Begins the dancing begins and now lady and gentlemen for the very first time blah blah blah and this small group of seven guys we're trying we're trying because some of the people older people that you're sitting like how dare you sit when there are seven people dancing and we're and we're dancing and a few minutes after we begin in walks in three okay they walk in right away without missing a beat they take a hand they begin to dance two minutes later four more see them walk in okay circles circumference is com few minutes later 10 10 more then three then 8 then 13 9 12 and it's a it's a mom it's a mom people begin to come and the circle's growing now there's enough room for a circle within a circle so wow two circles meanwhile in the in the women section people are beginning to come girls Seminary girls they're packing in five 10 another seven another three and the is beginning to fill up it was remarkable well the first dance is going strong 15 minutes into the day if you look around 50 people 70 people 100 people and it kept growing by the time we finished the first amazing dance there were well over 200 people at this wedding and when the dance finished the picked up the just as if it was their own brother and best friend and they danc with him afterwards and then they put him on the days they put him there next to the the mother of the comes running over to me tell them they can stay and eat tell they eat this chick what am I going to do with 300 300 portions so I said to them okay you know what they said I really thought they're going to come over and give show me muleo mule you know little thing say hello two minutes dance no they all stayed they sat that little something to eat and I'm looking at the face of this father this person who summed everything up who summed up in a nutshell that they are selfish people uncaring people and I'm wondering next move your move well he did have a next move something I was not expecting we in the middle of eating you know the soft music is playing he gets up and he says thank you so much for coming I would now like to ask my daughter to say a few words and his 20-year-old daughter gets up in Williamsburg in front of 200 to deliver Tor I they no you didn't just do that you know I fig okay here comes the fire alarm to the exit here comes the Stampede to their to my amazement and to their credit they put their heads down that is Williamsburg you know they're not going to look at a lady the they did not leave they stayed and they listened when she finished they finished the course the second dance began when the second dance began more came more and more and by the time the second dance was reaching a climax 20 minutes half an hour 40 minutes into the dance there was a circle within a circle within a circle within a circle and there in the middle said the and his father and they father did not know what hit him he didn't just come to dance they brought stick yes they the women and the men and they brought costumes and they brought fire and they were juggling I am telling you it was the most I had ever been to it was so amazing four different seminaries were called from my one text message four seminaries in Williamsburg were called send your girls there's a yid in need and they stopped what they were doing and the man they left there learning to [Music] come and we're near the end of this second dance and I'm thinking whoever needs a now whoever needs children now because the must be so wide open I meant you you could feel you could feel that oer out you can feel the hash hasem said look at my Kinder look at look how much they care I'm near the very last dance and there's onein who is more leic who is more lively than any of the other who were there and he's dancing through the circle from one circle to the next he suddenly goes over to the cin and his father who sitting there in the middle and he takes off his stal and he takes it and he puts it on the's head and the father takes one look and he looks at his son with the shal on his head he looks at the back forth and this look of recognition comes over his face Ah that's what this is all about that's what they're trying to do they're trying to convert my son that's why they all came in droves they want to convert him so the father takes the strial off of his son's head and and right away thrusts it back at the at the here take this no thank you the son looks at his father and he looks at the H and he looks back at his father and looks back of the hien who are dancing and singing he takes one more look at his father's bitter angry face and he takes the stral back from the C puts it back back on his head and he begins to dance in the middle more levic than anyone else with his hands waved high in the air as if to embrace every single person in the room and that love for a person who you thought that he thought that he's better than you transcended time and space did the father learn his lesson I can't say he did did the son did the family learn I would certainly hope that they did but did CLA isra learn a lesson did you just learn a lesson you had to have you see it's really tough when we look at people who we think think that they are firmer than us we so much want to beem we want to connect sometimes we even think we are connecting until we stand in front of a person who not only thinks that they know the real way to connect but knows that the way that we are connecting is not the way to connect how dare you have long hair how where you wear the jeans Spirit how how dare you wear this how dare you right you you're you're you're lower maybe I could do cure on you may you're the b CH the story and then you're doing cure you're the one who needs cure how do you love a person like that what's the trick to AV s like that so I'm going to tell you a few different AAS a few different pieces of advice how to love the Jew who you think that they think that they're better than you the first thing that you must know is as follows if you think that people are looking at you and judging you you very well may be wrong now I'm going to explain to you what I mean on one level we all judge each other we all do that's the way Hashem made us we look at the next person and we sum them up and anyone who doesn't sum up their surroundings is oblivious I know that that's I that's not the judging that I'm speaking about right you're looking at me right when I walk in if maybe you know me maybe you don't is he a rabbi he don't look like a rabbi doesn't have a beard he's got a chip he is short okay maybe you R like R Wallace he doesn't have a beard who knows I don't know if I'm mind reading I don't you know that's okay that's okay we look at each other that's not the judging that I'm speaking about right that's not the judging I'm speaking about oh May's got a CH because a cube okay that's okay then may his wife likes maybe he grew up out of town that's are when I'm speak my judging I'm about judging and reacting in that judgment that's what I'm speaking about and I don't think that people go around with that kind of judgment I did grow up out of town yes and I do have a CH here in case you're wondering I'm on campus usually tomorrow I'll be at bu which is called Boston University um and um I grew up in Cleveland Ohio which L I have many see them when I grew up there were there was one one imagine being one in Cleveland ohy the Oney um and he wasn't even really he just compared to us he was so I I moved to B Park my wife is from B Park and I had a sister who was coming to visit us in bar Park so she said to me you know I don't really know what to wear in B Park I say whatever you wear in cland wear in B Park what's the she goes no like there's a way to dress the bar Dress Bar parking I said no there's really no way to dress you just be whoever you are she goes no they're all going to look at me I said my name is KH I said KH come they going to look at you don't worry okay I convinced her she comes to Bar Park and I say you got to see 13th Avenue never been there you're going to love it we're walking up through to Avenue and she's clearly visibly uncomfortable so what's the matter she goes they're all looking at me they're looking at me they're judging me I said Kam you're nuts you really are nobody's looking at you right you think they're looking at they don't even know you exist they are taking care of their kids they're trying to pay the bills they're running to the bank they have to pick up milk they have to prepare stuff before the husbands come up they are not looking they're just trying to get from point A to point B that's all that going on and that's how we looked at it like everyone's got to be judging no one's no's going around judging and the moment we realize that that kind of judgment doesn't mean that nobody doesn't but in general that penetrating judgment that we fear oh they're not so from maybe I do that's not quite the way it is now yeah you can be dressed in a really funky way and you're asking to be judged okay but in general that's how it is I even tell that to my Bal Chua when they end up going to a uh a house and say you know you're going to think sometimes oh they judging not so religious I said no you are who you are they know who you are no one's going around okay let's see let's see they got to this you know he knows how to say shalom he says shab it's not Shabbat so probably he goow conservative or conserv right he knows say shalom but he also knows this this song okay he's sort of in between okay let's see we can get it to be Shan again they're not looking they're not judging so number one we have to get a little bit over ourselves in order to be judged we have to be somebody you know we're not just somebody that what's going around judging right people judge president people judge big personalities us we're just who we are you know we just walk around we do what we do that's number one number two a person has to realize that everyone is at heart really very much the same you know there's a on the words you should love your friend like yourself another way of reading that is you should love your friend you know why because they are they're just like you you think oh they're completely different I me they they go from Flat I gr a bar part they're like no they're they really are we have the the the same things make us happy the same things make us sad there was a beautiful AB Rottenberg tune about people who are who have a mental retardation and he he sings uh he sings It's called we are not so different I know if you've heard it it's a beautiful song now if that's true about people who are really severely mentally handicapped and if we share so much in common with them so how much more so that we have share in common with somebody who's really just like us but they have bigger face or a shorter shael or longer hair or a longer skirt or blacker tights or wher right black socks type whatever it is were really very much the same I mean this could be taken to an extreme there was a documentary that once came out that dealt with Israelis and Palestinians and the idea of the documentary to show they're really not that much different and what they did was they took uh some kids that were Israeli and some kids secular Israeli kids and some Palestinian kids and they did a project with them together and they laughed together and they cried together and they had victories together and the idea of the of the documentary was you see they're really not that different now as Jews would say of course we know we're not that much they just want to kill us but otherwi other we know you know but but sort of a simplistic view of the world is they're not that much different so love them you know but the idea that we're not that much different is a very profound idea so when we think somebody looks at themselves like they're firmer than us just remember you know they're not that much different for each person who thinks that they are firmer than you there's someone who thinks they're firmer than them there's always like the Big Fish Little Fish right and you look like you're firmer than one another person and the conservative guy thinks he's firmer than the reformed and the reformed thinks he's more than the constructionist and he's more from The Atheist and the atheist couldn't give a darn anyway right that's how it is we're all like that okay another idea a person must be confident about their yish and really out of all the eights that I give you tonight this is the most valid and the most sure a person has to feel confident that the the way in Judaism that they've chosen is the right way and that doesn't mean it's is the only right way and it doesn't mean that they're doing anything wrong if they practice differently necessarily doesn't necessarily mean that right it could be they sing they dance they wear a shal they wear a snoo they wear a shaper they wear this they that but if you know based on your teachers based on your based on the that you have that you are going in the the so who cares who really really cares it's it's a very very important idea we have to have a little bit of pride in how we are growing up you know I I do and I love doing it and been my on many people so when I needed to overcome I live mon long I don't I don't need this when I needed to overcome when I first came to I'd go to a I'd go to a vision and if I'd say oh they're looking at at me and I got this and they look like that I would say yeah you know what you know I have a thousand people keeping shs because of me what what are you do but then I caught myself like cuz what am I doing I'm trying to one up them like you're look down at me well I look down at you no that doesn't work either as a matter of fact and this is this is the last eights I want to give you if if you do that if you look down on them for looking down on you then you're really just like them you are exactly what you don't like about people who you think are looking down in you that make sense so we have to be we have to remain positive if there's someone who wants to judge me that that's their prerogative they're probably not they're really very much the same they're just trying to get from point A to point be but if they must judge me then that's their own handicap but I will love them unconditionally and totally no matter what because I am a mius of love and this is the last the last idea the moment you go negative the moment you go negative in your mind or even worse the way you speak about other hi is the moment you lose a critical and difficult concept the concept again is as follows we are taught When We're Young to differentiate between to and ra em sheer Mitzvah a a good Ash versus a bad Ash and because we are taught in this sort of black and white idea this black and white concept now we end up saying this is me and that's them that's the balance and I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and they're not and not only are they not but they're they think they are they think they got it right and they're they're they're getting people off the D because they have this Mal or that Mal and their marriages aren't real marriages and they probably get a divorce if it wasn't such a stigma you know and all all the negative things that we think about and then maybe sometimes we we say if you go negative you lose always and forever you want to be someone who people listen to you have to stay positive even if you think not he has still have to stay positive want to tell you a sort of a scary M there was a um I I I was doing I was doing cure of of the US La campus and we did we did a trip to New York we were in California we went to New York on a 10-day trip and the idea of the New York trip is to give them sheer room in the morning and they experience from H in New York and so on so forth it's a great experience and many people end up coming from so usually later on down the road but because of that New York trip so there was one particular girl her name was was Carrie and Carrie was on fire after the trip she was like oh yes going to do it and keep shabas and kosher and this and that and uh I was really proud of her I spent time speaking with her and then she came over to me one day and she said Rabbi I love Judaism so much I just enrolled in the Jewish studies course for credits and I think they oh no you didn't the Jewish studies course is given by an aorus not just an aorus but sh somebody who once was on the Der and now is off the Der so he knows a little bit enough to make it sound like he knows enough to uh you can trust me I've been there done that and she's going to take classes by him this is a disaster so I didn't know the no- goinging negative rule yet so I I went there and I said you know what I I would never take class by gu like that the guy's a buffoon I still remember the word I used he's a buffoon well guess what I never saw Carrie again for the next two years for two years the last two years of her college she was beginning her third year in college she she wouldn't even come around all I had to do was go negative and that was it who wants to be around someone negative hasem the last semester I happened to see her walking and I said oh how are you and she oh like hi Rabbi I said you know we really need to sit and talk and she agreed and she was in a place in her life her boyfriend just broke up and he wasn't Jewish and I said let's go to Israel whatever today she is a from Lady living in Hancock Park which is a from neighbor of LA and she was my kid's teacher and and she was day school but uh that that I almost blew it I I did blow it two years down the drain because I went negative when you go negative you lose when I interviewed people for jobs I listen for that you go negative about your boss you go negative you're out of here who wants to be on someone who's negative even if you have good reasons to explain what your problem a problem with kabad I got a problem with breast I got a problem with this I got you explain that to someone who's not from you know what they're going to hear you're miss the negative I don't want to be around you you bash other people that's it and it doesn't mean you have to say oh I I agree with but don't go negative there was on P and this this fellow and Sh and he was he was um coming over to me a very smart guy and he was saying yeah I can't stand this you know so I like stop do you realize how negative you are like a negative person I can't be around you negative so yes what should you have said to her so like how would you explain that that situation instead of calling him F what you say I would have said I could have said very nicely oh It's a Wonderful class and you're doing for credits and I love your enthusiasm I have a little bit of reservation because I'm not sure you're going to get what you want out of that class and U you know it could be that I can set up a class you won't get credits for it but you could then take a different subject and meanwhile you learn more there was today it would be easy for me but then it was very difficult and even today I find it difficult sometimes like go negative let's speak about reform speak about let's speak about what they did to the Jewish people oh why why no one no one's doing anything on purpose these days you just don't know don't go negative and if you are positive if you're a person who can emanate love and people look at you and they see somebody who genuinely loves every no matter who you are no matter what you are the world is your oyster people will cling to you and they won't let go I can't stress it enough I the the vision in my mind I know our our talk is over the vision of my mind I have a I'll finish with this I have a grandfather who was LIF a year and a half ago and he was a msus he was a walking stick love and by by the way men are not comfortable saying L except for sports and beer but I love that beer right love the Yankees oh car also that's right that car car but but you could be a matus of love my grandfather was a Yi who lived in kuat and the them Lov him and they were M him once year he spoke for the whole closenberg and he would he would walk down the street he would say shalom he was only he was the only guy in kir who was able to speak to women and they would speak bad he would say he would say shalom shom you emanate love people want to be around you and if you could genuinely love each and every no matter if you think they if you think they're firmer than them if they think they're firmer than you they are not as fir as you they're different whatever it is if you can elate it you give the biggest and that's why it says if other people enjoy your company other people get pleasure from you no matter who you are no matter which Adas you've done if other people enjoy your company hasem is going to love you he'll still want you to the for those of theirs thank you very much