Rabbi Benzion Klatzko - Letters from Heaven

okay good evening everyone even it is a pleasure to be here it's my second time speaking for kazak and I've spoken here many times for that very very holy organization of EMT and uh I think I'm having I think I'm having EMT at my house this week uh close to 100 students so you coming R I miss couldn't miss it right so we're very excited uh this is sponsored by both kazak and EMT thank you [Music] and and uh and I like to say he's also sponsored by shabbat.com because um everything's sponsored by shabas that's why we're saying we want and.com is a website that I'm affiliated with that has 6,000 people a week being invited in 111 countries um and uh if you're not part of it it's easy to be part it's free so please join so usually when oh and one one more thing we're going to give this talk Ben so usually when we give a talk before a yff so we speak about the yff so a talk before T is a t talk it's a sad talk a a talk before yipper is a talk to do every talk has its motive and Motif every talk now when one speaks during SP so one has three options what to focus on really four options option number one is you could focus on shabus Rabbi can get up and speak about sh option number two is to speak about right is coming up before sh it's not yet so rather than jump and tell you something now and of course tonight um those watching the video wouldn't know this I'll tell you tonight is the 20th day of the which gives us a full month until the next until sh so is only in 13 days so perhaps that makes more sense but there are two other things that we can speak about and that is two points to meaning rather than jump to sh rather than jump to Let's simply discuss what does it mean to dwell in the house of spir and whether you're counting whether you forgot a night whether you're saying it with a braa or whether not we are in the midst we are swimming in spir right now and SP usually we're pulled in two different directions when we discuss SP Direction number one is we speak about what happened to the tum of RAB AKA so many thousands were they didn't appre there's a they didn't treat each other with dignity and that would be a great topic for a speech tonight right everyone treat each other with gavala dignity and then that would be a that would be the talk but there is another option it's option number four the fourth option is to speak about getting ourselves inspired for Cal the reason that we count is because we long we long for cabal we're excited that the Torah has been given the Torah has changed the world and you and I we're excited about that and even when sometimes can seem a little bit like a burden even at times where you think oh no PES cleaning I have to worry about that or beginning we only been a week before we're do the month before the whole so we stop and think about oh it's not easy necessarily to prepare but at the end of the day we're so lucky that we received the Torah so how do we inspire ourselves and let's take a step back Jewish people inim many years saw the 10 Mak they were inspired the last Mak Mak they were very inspired they went running out 7 Days Later the yamu splits they're very inspired they're so inspired they sing shiram and at that point there's a wait could you do the math what's the math how long after until mat how many weeks six weeks right the first week was yamu and there were seven weeks total which means that there were six weeks that means that the Jewish people had six weeks to lose their excitement now did any of you be honest here okay did any of you ever go to to a speech a sh something where the rabbi got up and he wagged his finger and he spoken a loud tone of voice and you felt so inspired and you felt the tingles and the chills and you came away and you said I will change I will be different I will grow and then two days later I still plan on changing and you know a few days after that it it was a good speech I don't remember what the rabbi said anymore but I remember it was good and then a week later I don't remember much but they served Sushi how many of us are going to remember we had sushi tonight how many are going to remember because inspiration is like fine glass very hard to make very easy to shatter it's one of the reasons that when D when King David started to him he said the following don't be around scoffers don't be around people who make fun don't be around people who are cynical you know why tell us which means that you could go to a talk like tonight you could go to a talk and maybe maybe I will inspire you tonight maybe not but maybe yeah and you'll come away on fire you'll walk out of the door tonight all inspired and then as you're leaving someone will comment you know did you notice how the rabbi kept doing this or that or you notice how his Tha and all of a sudden all the inspiration dissipates one one joke can take away a 100 inspirational talks if that's so then inspiration is really hard so that's why we need that time to be inspired how many of you at this moment feel inspired well the truth is I'm glad you raised the hand you all are inspired because you wouldn't be here cuz even I can think of other things that I could be doing it during this time and I'm sure if I asked you and you each one of you could think of at least five other things that are important things they're not trivial important things that you could be doing and yet you decide to come toel tonight so on some level you're inspired enough to want the inspiration so the first lesson and by the way I love that the organizations called kazak but strengthen person should help their friend to his brother be inspired be strengthened we give each other we give each other inspiration that's why it's called kazak so in SPH we count and the reason that we count is the following if you well actually I tell you my own children my own children about a half a year ago I I I had a little family conference had them gather around and I told my own children by the way I got these amazingly cheap tickets to Israel remember when that happened I got these cheap tickets to Israel when else can a fellow like me afford flying everyone out to Israel and I told them we are going to be leaving right after porn but the thing is I told them that in the summer now can you imagine that's a great way to torture a kid tell them in a half a year you're going to Israel and they used to come I can't sleep I keep thinking of Israel there you go go to sleep 5 months 4 months 3 months 2 months 30 days 29 28 we're counting we're excited you count when you're excited the reason that Hashem gives us the mitz of the count is to shake us up and to say I hope you're excited and if you're not excited pretend you're excited count count is if you're excited Maybe by counting it'll remind you that you're supposed to be excited and maybe that will get you excited there are many ways to be inspired I'm going to be doing a lot of reading tonight you see over here I B some reading material I usually don't do this but I feel that sometimes rabbis get up they try to inspire you and maybe they're good speakers maybe they're so so maybe they just have a lot to say but at the end of the day the words are the rabbis words what happens when we call each and every one of you up and I tell you what inspired you why are you here tonight what's going on in your life what are the challenges of that you're going through how tough is it to find a job and yet you're still doing to Hashem you still have faith that you're going to find that job how nervous are you how are you going to pay your bills in two weeks in one week that are a week late how scared are you that your children should stay on the D we all have a story and sometimes rather than the rabbi get up and tell you his story perhaps there are other stories that should be shared so I broke up these stories by ideas and ideals and I want to start with a story that I call Private Ryan now I like to call Private Ryan because his name was Private Ryan also it was a movie but it here's the story I take a group of students to Israel in the summer in the winter it's called the Akiva trip and I take from campuses that don't have rabbis so I try to inspire them while while while they're there and maybe they'll stay and maybe they'll learn maybe they'll grow and I was in Las Vegas at UNLV that's the University of Nevada Las Vegas and I was meeting students and interviewing them to take a few students from Las Vegas with me to Israel the local Rabbi says to me there's a fellow who's on the campus who you may want to take but you may not so I said okay let me check him out I made an appointment with him the first thing I noticed was he was a little bit older than the group that I'm taking I take 20 21 24 he was 28 you know sometimes it could throw the dynamic off when there's someone's a little bit older but the other thing about about this fellow was he spoke with a little bit of a slur little little slow a little bit of a slur and I wasn't sure really act you know how how smart he was you I I I didn't know you know and our trip is a high level trip and there's learning there's going to be a lot of sharp kids and I just wasn't sure he didn't look the part he wasn't the right age and then I spoke to him a little longer and he says I tell you my story I was in the US Army and I was in Iraq and I was riding in a jeep with some other soldiers and we rode over a mine that was hidden one of my friends died a piece of shrapnel smacked me in my head I ended up in the hospital for many months and that's why I speak slowly whoa he's a war hero so I thought about it a moment then I said what's your name he said my name is Ryan you're private okay Private Ryan you're on you're you're you're one of our group and private r mind came on the trip and we tried like we do with the entire trip to to get people inspired we try to get them perhaps even to stay in Yeshiva to learn in seminary we try our best but the light was just not going on in private Ryan's eyes I didn't see it he was polite he was a he was a good guy but I didn't see inspiration I just just didn't see it and the trip was coming to a close without without any inspiration and I thought to myself I guess it was a little bit of a waste uh could have been a little bit of a waste to take private Ry maybe we could have taken somebody else the day before the last day of the trip we were scheduled to go to the water tunnels if you've never been to the Kel water tunnel you go in the dark it's about a half mile long you're walking through the water it's a lot of fun and you got little flashlights and it's a fun thing to do and it's historic and we tell them the story but that day it snowed and it snowed the biggest snow in yusal the heaviest snow in 28 years this was just now this winter and we weren't going anywhere you see in yush when it snows everything closes down so what do you do with this group so we tried our best we took Yom Glazer he's a famous Rabbi he sings he's a surfing Rabbi nice guy we had him come he played guitar for our group and the group was singing along except for Private Ryan Private Ryan was standing and staring out the window he was staring out the window for hours and when he finished there was this glow about private liyan's face I didn't understand it so he wrote it for me he explained it to me and that will be the first thing that I'll read to you this [Applause] evening he writes the following in Poetic form stoic serious private Ryme writes when the Cold Wind Blows the clouds bring the Jerusalem snow you know it's a miracle that God made its snow that's how it goes for us believers who roll seeing this miracle brought us to a new spiritual Plateau from this we grow from this God's will will flow from this we give thanks to God we owe from this our souls glow from this we stand in awe of God and go whoa every day us Jews survive to God we give thanks we're still alive we move forward we don't stand by we give our thanks all the time our praise to the heavens will fly there's no need to wonder why that our prayers are answered from the sky where Heaven is so close and so high where snow in Jerusalem is a sign Jerusalem snow is a miracle nothing hysterical nothing Whimsical the flowing snow is almost Musical and very beautiful Jerusalem kids build snowmen and Igloo despite the dark times they've been through they thrive in school their creativity is cool they're cheerful not blue it's true that us Jews are few but we survived that is what we do the Jerusalem snow is a light that shines bright where you let loose if you're uptight the Jerusalem snow star in the night oh what a sight it's pure and white it came from the Heaven's height it's a miracle like Israel's might with the Jerusalem snow you appreciate smaller things life may hurt like a bees thing or you may feel what pain brings but doing mites will make you feel like a queen or a king it will improve your self-esteem your soul will be clean your life will be redeemed remember God sees all things you can live your life and have your dream and be on God's team Jerusalem snow creates First Rate Miracles that happen to this date you can relate and simply not just accept a bad fate it is never too late to inba your bad Deeds you can't obliterate Jerusalem snow makes you appreciate Israel being the Jewish State Jerusalem snow is a sign of peace and not hate it will stay and never Escape where every piece of snow has the unique shape and is as holy as an Israeli grape I I don't know what that means [Music] but I'm ask you it can't be in the room okay I don't know how to translate I don't think anyone expected that out of this quiet Soldier a poem about Jerusalem snow the idea that looking outside and feeling the magic of of the snow could affect somebody so deeply but I do want to tell you that that Jerusalem snow inspired him in a way that none of the shim did that none of the excursions did none of the experiences did just looking outside he began putting on filling and I'm happy to say that May 12th he will be coming back to Yeshiva nothing to do with me no sorry I take no credit but who knew to take the credit who knew it would be the snow falling in yush he saw it as a sign we see something very unique sometimes people say Rabbi there was a sign I had a dream or somebody I was just thinking of something and then something just happened and so inspired and you think to yourself oh that's so silly that's not a sign that just happened but maybe it is a sign for you maybe Hashem knew certainly Hashem knew how you would how you would react towards whatever it is that you view as a sign would I have known would anyone have known that the way to private Ryan's heart is through snow I don't think so I don't think so that's Story number one story number two goes as follows I receed an email from Winnipeg does anyone know where Winnipeg is has anyone ever been to Winnipeg it's in Canada anyone know what Winnipeg is known for it is known for hockey in Winnipeg it is also known to have the coldest weather on planet Earth the coldest regular weather regular weather where people live is Winnipeg Canada and I receive a letter from a girl by the name of Mila and I had it on a paper and I don't now I can't find it so instead I'm going to read it from my iPad since I add it here and she writes the following she writes I wish I could have stayed in Israel but I was faced the problem my parents were expecting me home I were getting angry when I said I'm inspired and I would like to stay I came back to Winnipeg on September the 2nd it's very difficult for me to be here what can I say what a challenge it is to be back especially with my parents it's very emotional and irrational with them they criticize everything you see Mila she came back from Israel and she wanted to start becoming from you know what her parents did she writes they criticize everything they make jokes about it they make me feel bad they try to make it hard it's really stressful to be around them and I start to question everything at begin to feel weak they refused to support me and anything that's related to my Judaism to give you an idea I'm totally dependent on them they pay for my University my food everything else but for example when I'm in the store and I look at skirts my mom will say let's go you're not buying any skirts we are supporting you you can't survive without us right you won't be able to do anything on your own basically I know they mean well and they're scared for me to become religious they try especially hard to provoke me especially on Friday when I'm getting ready for shabas is there any advice how to make sure they don't provoke me how to make shabas more pleasant she says thank God I've been able to keep kosher I got my own stuff I even told that I found in Mikvah in Winnipeg that's a little bit about how it's going and then she writes at the end she writes Hanukah is going to be quite sad here in Winnipeg there are a few girls and I managed to organize a little get together I think it's a record for Winnipeg five girls somewhat interested in Judaism in the same room but other than that I'm on my own but before I end I want to wish you a happy Hanukah be well mil I picture in my mind a girl in the in the furthest reaches of Judaism all the way the coldest place in Winnipeg Canada and there's no one there there used to be a community Winnipeg years ago now Winnipeg is an icy desert there are people who live there but Judaism doesn't exist so I felt so bad so I gave her a phone call I said hi mil thank you for reaching out to me I never met her before someone gave her my my name so I said to listen mil I'll make you a deal here's my deal if you get if you find 15 girls who are willing to come to a Kaneka party party I will fly out to Wi B and run your Hanukah party I didn't think she could do it 15 girls if five was a record where is she going to find 15 girls from later on that evening I got the following email hi Rabbi after our conversation actually was the next night after our conversation last night although I was still shocked at your offer I was very excited having you come here would be the exact thing we need to lift our spirits up for a while although at first I was a little doubtful if I could pull together the girls for this especially because it's exam time I got them to full force last night I started emailing people Facebooking people calling people right now I have nine girls confirmed including myself as well two of the girls might invite their mothers to come we have eight girls listed as maybe we will hit 15 so we will schedule the Kaneka party which you will lead for Tuesday the 11th between 7 and 900 p.m. happy Hanukah mil I think oh no I'm GNA tell my wife I'm leaving on Hanukah to run a haneka party in Winnipeg I told my wife she understood I went online and I realized just how far away Winnipeg is as it turns out there is no direct flight from New York to Winnipeg New York has a direct flight to everywhere but Winnipeg in order to get to Winnipeg you have to go through a circuitous route and the price of getting to winipeg is more than a ticket to Israel but I said I would do it I can't back out so I bought a ticket I arrive third day of Kaneka I come to Winnipeg I get out of the airport and as we said in your life you never felt such a cold it's so cold that when you step on the sidewalk there's no ice on the sidewalk but you still hear a crackle like what's cracking but you the sidewalk just crackles there's a thin layer of ice everywhere and when you breathe out of your nose right away you get frost on your upper lip in seconds I come to a I come to a hotel it was one of these old hotels that was glamorous in the 1920s today it just looked moldy and old with some nice moldings on the uh uh near the ceiling old old old and I and it was also very cold in the hotel they didn't have adequate heating so I come and I see this carpet imagine this carpet was probably once beautiful now it was like gray with like this thick layer of sort of mold and crust and Slush from people's shoes and I'm looking around like ug this is where I'll be the next next 24 hours so I come down and the three chipper Canadian lady behind the conf oh Welcome to our hotel please check out our pool you have a pool so she said yes very unique pool so to satisfy myself I was sure no one was going to be in the pool and I was correct I come down the lights are off it's like closed but there was water in the pool I turn on the light and it turns out that in front of this pool is a gigantic and I'm talking about a 20 foot face of a monster with three tongues that are slides coming out and at one time you climb up the stairs you go into the face of the monster and you could slide down one of the three slides and I thought to myself my kids would be awfully disappointed if I didn't do this and since I travel everywhere I always have a bathing suit just in case so I turn on the light I'm probably the first guy to use the pool in a year and here's here's the rabbi sliding through the monster face I was just hoping they didn't have like a video in the ceiling I would I wouldn't be able to show face again the next day they had someone pick me up to get to the kanak party and they bring me to this Shool it's an old Shool you know one of these shools that had paintings of Kev RL that is on the wall but the but the paint is already peeling so you could barely make out that the Kev and there of course is the K all the paint is peeling old old I don't know if they still have a minion but somehow Milo was able to get this Sho for the party come in and there are these 15 girls from Winnipeg and they're quietly sitting around the table their soda and potato chips just that's it soda and potato chips and they all look at me and I don't know what to do I can't I would I can't teach them a song They're not going to sing U tell them a story say hi so I went around they said their name I said okay let's light the candles so I L the candles and they quietly answered on M then I said okay I'm going to sing for you some Hanukkah songs so I sat there banging on the table singing and they're all I think why am I in Winnipeg I think Dr J J finally I I tell them a little story and I I see a little bit of life in their eyes and uh the party was over thankfully and I said Thank you And and that was it the potato chips were left in the soda and I went back to the hotel getting ready for my flight back that night get a get another email from milum and she writes the following hi Rabbi clco I want to say thank you so much for doing this for coming to us coming all the way here when I started planning this trying to get people to come I forgot how much I myself needed it but thought about the girls who showed up how much they needed it I got great feedback from them once you left but they felt they learned something like they were inspired you come to realize that no matter what everyone's situation is the same challenge is with us ultimately she writes truthfully at first I didn't think I could do this she didn't think she'd be able to pull together the people and even when I I thought otherwise I thought what difference would it make I often think what am I doing here in Winnipeg what am I doing here but for the first time I thought maybe that's just it I'm here because there's something I can do for the community you were saying that I was an inspiration but the truth is everyone was inspired by you that you came out here just for us that you took time off to come here to this place called Winnipeg that you were strong enough to Brave this cold and this snow I can't explain how I personally felt that you came here how great it was I really needed it thank you have a safe trip back Mila one girl fighting the elements fighting her family fighting her community to be inspired because she had been to Israel and had gotten inspired and wanted to hold on to it it's a little while ago I had a group in my house called shalas they're a wonderful school and we do shabbaton we're doing another one for them in a few weeks and I told these girls I took out this letter and I read it to the girls of shalis and you should know these girls in shal shalis are all fighting they're struggling with their parents they're trying to grow their parents don't support their decisions like some of your parents don't support youris decisions I know about that I know how hard you're working the elements are against you and I pull that to these girls in shus and they were so inspired and when I finished telling this story they were they were so in awe that I told these girls now I want you to meet someone amazing girls I want you to meet Mila we had flown Mila down from Winnipeg to join the shabbaton and all of a sudden mil stands up amongst all these girls 7080 girls Mila's there and the girls were so inspired they lifted Mila onto their shoulders and Mila became their hero sometimes we struggle when we're in Queens sometimes we struggle because our parents don't want us to go to Israel our parents don't want us to learn they want us to go to do business to make money I always tell I always tell my students nothing will happen if you retire at the age of 66 instead of 65 and you take that one year except that if you take that one year and you're inspired every young Ki for every Russia sh every suus every shabas every PES every daving every will feel different but a glorious investment what a smart investment now is the story of Mila on our last trip there was a girl that we found who grew up with nothing her name is Maggie wonderful person nothing I mean nothing you should all be grateful there's a lot of people who were born there spardy the them have been able to hold on to lot lots of tradition even those who grew up not keeping Shabbat not keeping kosher no more than many many many Jews Living in America imagine growing up in Oregon and someone gave us Maggie's name she found us on a website and we brought her on the trip and she was sweet she was kind but I don't think she planned on sticking around and one day we're going hiking and when we hike I stand next to different students hike next to them and I said to Maggie what are your plans Maggie says I don't know I work as a nanny I was a nanny in England I said that's wonderful do you like being a nanny she says well I make money you know it's not what I want to do ultimately I say Maggie why why don't you stay why don't you stay in Israel why don't you learn why don't you grow and slowly but surely that idea grew in her mind and after our trip she stayed she went on a program called Jewel and from there she went to n which is a girls program and she just wrote me this letter last week she wrote The Following when with Passover come and gone this month has been filled with holy festivity spirituality and a lot of Irreplaceable learning the experiences I've been privileged to take part in have been incredibly eye openening and lifechanging the highlight of the Passover was by far the experiences at the seders coming from an entirely non-religious background I have never experienced a Seder in my life and felt so blessed to spend my first two in Jerusalem with amazing holy families and with Bright Young women of N I heard many things regarding what to expect my first seder but to actually experience it was something I find hard to explain and to express a Holy Experience that exceeded my expectations and was P was a pivotal point for my future growth and learning as a Jewish woman I can now inher the key words I can now Envision my own future family having a say there one day and the experience solidifies how important it will be for me to one day raise my children in a Jewish Home something I was never privileged to experience growing up the things I'm experiencing and learning each day at continue to open my eyes and touch me in ways I never expected experiencing Passover was a dream and something that I will remember always and remain grateful forever for thank you for this incredible life-changing opportunity and I look forward to writing you more in the future regarding my holy time spent here how many Jews are there out there who never ever ever had a chance how many the answer is millions millions I had a fellow by my house this week his name was Zach we had a group called rage rage came wonderful group but we also had some extra people and one of them was Zach and the rage people this was a level two group and they were all inspired and each was getting up and speaking about and and this and that until Zach gets up and he said simple words but words that shook us all up he said this is the first Shabbat of my life sits down imagine experiencing the first Shabbat in your entire life of course imagine doing it with rage it was wonderful singing dancing he got up and he said Rabbi where can I get more so now he's coming to Israel with me one Shabbat we all have to do our part one of the way to inspire ourselves is to inspire others I'm going to share with you something that is you should not I looked for this particular letter for a long time I couldn't find it and some of the other letters I've read before in public this one I never did this was a girl who I met at a camp and she needed money to get to Israel and I want to read this to you because it remains one of my favorite letters of all time sometimes I cry when I read it to myself now I'm going to read it to you Rabbi clco my name is I'm going to change her name my name is sapora I'm 17 years old I want to tell you a little bit about myself before I tell you why I am emailing you you don't know who I am although I spoken with you a few times in girl Zone when your family joined us for Shabbat my family moved from Italy when I was 2 years old I came from a traditional family on a Shabbat when one of my brothers are trying to read kadush half of my family is sitting on the couch watching the game on TV the rest are checking the scores underneath the tablecloth I have three older siblings who are married with Children and a twin brother when I was nine I got a call from a lady describing a Jewish summer camp called Ura to my disadvantage I was busy with a modeling agency I guess her her mother may wanted her to be a model running from audition to audition so I couldn't attend the following summer I went to the camp and have been going back every summer since this summer Willem be my eighth summer there girl Zone changed my life I felt more love and inspiration than many people do in a lifetime four years ago my parents decided that they're getting a divorce I've come to believe that girl Zone saved me it saved my life I watched my twin brother fall victim to a nasty divorce still today he hasn't healed from it but I had a security system I had mentors and ritson's who believed in me when I didn't believe in myself I had a separate family while my biological family was being torn down the middle I became around the same time I currently attend a coed K School in Queens called Ezra Academy I'm very different than the people in my class I'm very different than my family my best friends don't understand why I can't come out to clubs with her with them on their birthday even though I'll still be wearing a skirt when my family drives to our cousin's house for the Shabbat meal they drive 2 m an hour so they can watch me walk on the sidewalk and make sure nothing bad happens to me because after all I won't carry a phone this past November I applied to Seminary my mom informed me that if I choose to go I'll have to come up with the money on my own she isn't able to put forth any money and therefore sends my twin brother to public school I'm still trying to come up with money to pay for Ezra cuz I do not belong in public school I got accepted to all three seminaries I applied to andem I'm going to one of them she mentions which one rabbi to me this Seminary is the Harvard of seminaries I never dreamed in a million years they would that I would make it into a real Bako little spy me from greatneck who a little over 5 years ago took great pride in the color of my tongue ring and the fact that I once got into trouble with the police I finally can get to go to a school where I won't have to be different a school that celebrates who I am accepts where I come from and inspires me to be great do you know how blessed I feel question mark question mark question mark I feel like the luckiest person I feel like the luckiest person in the world and no one can take that from me Rabbi I have a plan for myself I Know a Man plans and Hashem laughs but this time I don't think he's laughing when I picture myself in 20 years I don't know what I'm working as or what I'm living or where I'm living or how I'm living I just see a Shabbat table filled with children of all ages and all types that have come to my table looking for acceptance love and inspiration a home that will celebrate Hashem and Judaism and I want to have lots of kids I think it's beautiful the only sound shattering my windows are going to be the sound of a hundred boys singing and dancing with my husband to shabbat mirrors and not the scores blaring from the TV set I want to build a family that will bring the best out in each other no degrading vulgar comments I'm jealous of what you all have all my mentors in Camp have heard me talk about how much I aspire to be like your family to do the kind of work you do it's the only thing I'm passionate for I will do anything in my power to achieve this dream I want to give back to to other kids who are in need all the things that I received when I needed them because if it weren't if it weren't for people like you and organizations like Ura I don't know where I would be right now I'm supposed to hand any writing into my college guidance officer so she can proof read it and make me sound super intelligent I don't want to do that this is very private to me meaning I want it to be I want you to hear me as I am this is the real me not the edited version I've been trying to put together as much money as I can towards next year and bar I'm getting a lot of help please Rabbi clat go I'm begging you if you can help me even a little it would mean the world to me especially coming from you I will appreciate it so much you will be enabling me to strive for that dream I'll be one step closer I need all the help I can get you'll be enabling I hope this wasn't too long too dragged out I really meant every single word thank you so much and I wish you all the braa in the world for you and your family did you ever see such longing and do you have such longing someone who says a man plans and God laughs but this time he's not laughing cuz he sees I'm serious I want to have a table full of kadha I don't want to have a table like I grew up with that's what he's saying I want to have a family where Shabbat is Shabbat Kut is Kut you want inspiration for spir it doesn't have to be me waving my finger listen to Tora listen to the longing of a 17-year-old girl from Great Neck and that shouldn't Inspire us to strive for more to demand more out of our Lives it goes on and on my friends I'm going to read one more to you the hour is late I save the best for last they're all great and there are more we're not going to do them all tonight but in the words of people who strive that's where we find for ourselves to strive and what we say tonight today is 20 it warns us it reminds us 30 more days 30 days to accomplish 30 days to create a sat in our lives 30 days to work on 30 days to work on there was a a person who signed up for my website shabbat.com and she came from a place in Scotland that doesn't have any Jews and she writes on her profile her name is Gemma I've asked her I I've said this in front of her she's uh fine with me telling her story her name is Gemma and she writes my name is Gemma my mother's ashkanazi Jew I've never met another Jew in my life I've never met another Jew in my life I yearn to experience Shabbat if someone will be kind enough to invite me I will be eternally grateful so I wrote back I said Gemma I'm so inspired by you I want to help you so she writes me this devastating letter she writes dear benion what a wonderful name that's my first name that's how I sign as you can see from my profile I'm feeling rather lost and detached my favorite Psalm one which I think you may read at Jewish funerals is yay though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I won't fear evil for you are with me I lie awake at night feeling ostracized for my own life and out of place have you ever bought a cardboard jigsaw puzzle and one piece doesn't fit into its correct position properly you have to manipulate the edges and squash it into an ill-fitting shape in order for it to join edges with every other puzzle piece that's how I feel I watched an Orthodox Jewish woman's YouTube video on being afraid once and she said the only way to combat separation is through connectivity and unity that she doesn't fear being cut off the because she is connected to the unity of all things and if we can remember this then we'll never be afraid and we'll never be alone right Gemma I wish I felt connected to God I want to speak to God anywhere and everywhere with that heightened sense of Holiness you f with every step that you take I want a f i want a life where family and Community are Central to the inner workings of life like the Cog teeth of a clock I always wish for a Shabbat on a Friday night Sundown and Saturday evening sharing kala and pockets of stories and small Comforts I want to slip my prayers between the cracks of the Western Wall and feel cleansed and connected I feel so out of place and further away from Judaism and God than I ever did before I feel so out of place and I'm jealous of other families that have all these things together families that are observant and study Torah and pray and have faith blind people can't miss a sight that they have never seen so how come I miss a life I've never had with people I've never known I literally can't sleep from being terrified of life and the obstacles I'm faced with I'm scared of being alone and never finding happiness never finding God you'll have to forgive me she writes if if I said anything off color or out of turn this is the first time I've ever shared these thoughts with someone much much less a Jewish man my profile is true to every letter I can't speak Hebrew I've never read the Torah never eaten kosher never met another Jewish person ever I guess in a way I've lived an atheist life my mother's ashkanazi parents died when when she was quite young with no relatives she was then adopted and brought up in a Loosely Jewish Family never adhering to mitzvot or practicing Jewish life in the home when she was 23 she married my father a staunch atheist and started a new life with only us her children as her family she along with my with my other sisters are happy with their atheist lives and how they are lived but I am not is it normal to want to be closer to God if you've never been interested before I'm begging you for any advice I'm too embarrassed to go to synagogue as I know nothing entailed in the worship I don't know the songs or the prayers or the blessings is it too late for me benion someone told me you should always learn to drive a car when you're younger because the older you get the harder it is to learn is it the same with Judaism my sincere apology of this email is a burden but you seem very kind and I feel I can tell you these things even though we are Oceans Apart so I wrote her back I said dear Gemma I was once again moved by your sincerity and heartfelt words let me assure you you are certainly not too late in discovering your Judaism you have nothing to be ashamed of you were born and grew up under circumstances that didn't allow you to learn and experience the beauty and profundity of your heritage the fact that it's so meaningful to you was so little background is simply a testament to a brilliant spark that rests deep within you that refuses to be darkened and extinguished I promise you Gemma that I will do all I can to fan that spark allow it to burst into a warm and cozy flame that will help you see clearly in daytime and sleep peacefully at night just don't give up then I gave her a few resources and I finish although we are far apart we will be kindred spirits you have my word and my devoted encouragement you are no longer lost you are found we Skyped together I sent Gemma a ticket she touched the ground of the Holy Land she stared into the face of some of the Jews she was so moved and so touched finding her family amongst the Jewish people after never having met a Jew before from Jewel she went to n she was in N for 5 months I ran a trip she was my ma I then invited her to come and join us for PES in man she flew and spent mon in my house and now she's going out with my son wow so I don't know by the time people read this where that's going to go but that's a story of Gemma who never met a Jew I wish you all inspiration wish you all love I hope you leave here inspired and it shouldn't disappear in 48 hours thank you very much